HABIT I : BE PROACTIVE 49

Proactive or Reactive...the Choice Is Yours

day you and I have aboutWchances to choose whether to be

proactive or reactive. In any given day, the weather is bad, youcan't find a job, your sister steals your blouse, you lose an electionat school, your friend talks behind your back, someone calls younames, your parents don't let you take the car (for no reason), youget a parking ticket on campus, and you flunk a test. So what areyou going to do about it? Are you in the habit of reacting tothese kinds of everyday things, or are you proactive? Thechoice is yours. It really is. You don't have to respond theway everyone else does or the way people think youshould.

T T u i- ReactiveHow many times have you been drivingdown the road when suddenly somebodycuts in front of you, making you slam onyour brakes? What do you do? Do you flyoff at the mouth? Give 'em the bird? Letit ruin your day? Lose bladder control?

Or do you just let it go? Laugh aboutit. Move on.

The choice is yours.Reactive people make choices based

on impulse. They are like a can of sodapop. If life shakes them up a bit, the pres-sure builds and they suddenly explode.

"Hey, you stupid jerk! Get out of my lane!"Proactive people make choices based on values. They think

before they act. They recognize they can't control everything thathappens to them, but they can control what they do about it. Unlikereactive people who are full of carbonation, proactive people arelike water. Shake them up all you want, take off the lid, and noth-ing. No fizzing, no bubbling, no pressure. They are calm, cool, andin control.

"I'm not going to let that guy get me upset and ruin my day. "A great way to understand the proactive mind-set is to compare

proactive and reactive responses to situations that happen all thetime.

HAB/T / : BE PROACTIVE 51

• LISTEN TO YOUR LANGUAGE

You can usually hear the difference between proactive and reactivepeople by the type of language they use. Reactive language usuallysounds like this:

"That's me. That's just the way I am." What they're really say-ing is, I'm not responsible for the way I act. I can't change. I was prede-termined to be this way.

"If my boss wasn't such a jerk, thingswould be different." What they're reallysaying is, My boss is the cause of all my prob-lems, not me.

"Thanks a lot. You just ruined my day."What they're really saying is, I'm not in con-trol of my own moods. You are.

"If only I attended a different school,had better friends, made more money,lived in a different apartment, had aboyfriend ... then I'd be happy." Whatthey're really saying is, I'm not in con-trol of my own happiness, "things" are.I must have things to be happy.

Notice that reactive language takespower away from you and gives it tosomething or someone else. As my friendJohn Bytheway explains in his book What I Wish I'd Known inHigh School, when you're reactive it's like giving someone elsethe remote control to your life and saying, "Here, change mymood anytime you wish." Proactive language, on the other hand,puts the remote control back into your own hands. You are thenfree to choose which channel you want to be on.

R E A C T I V E L A N G U A G E

/'// try

P R O A C T I V E L A N G U A G E

I'll do it

That's just the way I am I can do better than that

There's nothing I can do Let's look at all our options

I have to I choose to

I can't There's gotta be a way

You ruined my day I'm not going to let yourbad mood rub off on me

CHOICESRESPONSES

CIRCLE OFCONTROLOURSELVES

ATTITUDES

AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN

FIVE SHORT CHAPTERSFrom There's a Hole in My Sidewalk

by Portia Nelson

II walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I fall in.

I am lost... I am helpless.It isn't my fault.

It takes forever to find a way out.

uI walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I pretend I don't see it.

I fall in again.I can't believe I am in the same place.

But, it isn't my fault.It still takes a long time to get out.

inI walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I see it is there.

I still fall in. It's a habit.My eyes are open.I know where I am.

It is my fault. I get out immediately.

IV

I walk down the same street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

vI walk down another street.

Think of a person who madea positive difference in yourlife. What qualities doesthat person have that

you would like todevelop?

Imagine 20 yearsfrom now-you are '̂surrounded by the roostimportant people in your life.Who are they and what areyou doing?

If a steel beam (6 incheswide) were placed

across two skyscrap-, ers, for what wouldyou be willing to cross?A thousand dollars?

A million? Your pet?Your brother? Fame?

Think carefully ...

HA8/T 2: BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND QJ

Describe a time when you* *'' were deeply inspired.

List 10 things youlove to do. It could

be singing, dancing,looking at magazines, drawingreading, daydreaming .anything you absolutelylove to do!

1_l_3

If you could spendone day in a great library

studying anything you wanted,what would you study?

88 THE 7 HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE TEENS

ifmh Five years from now, your localpaper does a stony about you

and they want to interview three people...a parent a brother or sister, and a friend.

What would you want them to say about you?

Think ofsomething'1

that representsyou... a rose, asong, an animal...

Why does itrepresent you?

If you could spend anhour with any person who

ever lived, who would that be?Why that person? What would you ask?

HAB/T 2: BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND

with numbers3-ood with wordsCreative thinkingAthleticsMaking things happenSensing needsMechanicalIrtisticCorking well with people'•"emorizing thingsdecision makingBailding thingsAccepting others"-evicting what will happen

HEY, LOOKWHAT I FOUND.

IT'S ME!

SpeakingWritingDancingListeningSingingHumorousSharingMusicTrivia

I y Everyone has one or more talents.' f Which of the ones above are you

good at? Or writedown ones not listed.