Principles of an Adequate Boundary Survey: Dealing With ... · Dealing with Difficult Customers Page 2 Dealing with Difficult Customers What is Conflict & Responses Workplace Conflict:

Principles of an Adequate Boundary Survey:

Dealing With Difficult Customers

Developing Professionals Lori E. Miller, President

330 Pleasant View Drive, Lancaster, NY 14086 (716) 681-9988

[email protected]

www.developingprofessionals.com

52ND

Annual

NYSAPLS

Conference

January 19, 2011

Participant Workbook

Page 1 Dealing with Difficult Customers

Introducing Your Trainer

All of the content in this manual is the property of Developing Professionals™, and is covered Under US and international copyright and trademark laws. Images in this manual are presented with permission or under license from the owner. This content may not be reproduced, or used for any commercial purpose without express written permission of Developing Professionals™, and possibly other copyright or trademark owners.

Lori E. Miller is owner of Developing Professionals, a company that provides training, consulting, and coaching services to organizations in Leadership, Organizational and Professional Development. She has conducted hundreds of seminars and workshops both locally and nationally for corporations, non-profit groups and professional associations. She has a M.S. in Organizational Communication and Development from Canisius College, and a M.A. in Student Personnel Administration, and B.A. in Journalism from Buffalo State College.

Dealing with Difficult Customers Page 2

Dealing with Difficult Customers

What is Conflict & Responses

Workplace Conflict: Guided Note-taking

Fill in the appropriate terms.

Conflict is the difference between the way things ______________________

and the way we want them to ______________________________________.

We experience conflict when our concerns are ________________________.

You respond by taking a position of how much control you need and how

important the ____________________________________________ is to you.

Workshop Agenda

1. What is Conflict & Responses

2. Communication Techniques

3. Five Techniques for Success

Definition of Conflict:

An antagonistic state or action involving

divergent ideas, interests of persons. A mental

struggle resulting from incompatible or

opposing needs, drives, wishes, or external or

internal demands.


Group Exercise: Conflict with Customers

Answer and discuss the following questions

What are examples of conflicts you have experienced with customers in the

field?

Identify some principal causes of these conflicts that you have been

involved with or exposed to?

What are the reasons you find conflicts difficult to resolve?

In what ways will learning to resolve conflict benefit you?


Principles Causes of Conflict

Four Main Sources of Conflict: Guided Note-taking


Roles

Roles imply a ___________________________________________

and level of responsibility. The power based on our hierarchy can

cause imbalances especially if individuals abuse that power and

don’t use it appropriately.

Emotions

We all have ____________________________________________.

Once one of these triggers is activated – emotions take over.

Conflict can be caused by emotions that are stimulated by

relationships. Relationships create expectations.

Information

Clear, concise and correct information plays an important role in

effective _______________________________________________.

If there is incorrect or not enough information, conflict can

occur.

Values

Values _____________________________________ our decisions

and how we choose to live our lives. If individuals have different

value systems, conflict inevitable will occur.

Misunderstandings

Personality clashes

Lack of cooperation

Frustration and irritability

Substandard performance

Differences over work method

Responsibility issues

Authority issues

Value and goal differences

Non-compliance with rules and policies

Competition for limited resources


Skills That Make a Difference

It is important from time to time to review the skills that contribute to successful

conflict resolution. This exercise will give you an opportunity to rate yourself on

those skills.

Rate yourself on a scale of 1 (low) to 5 (high) in each of these skills:

______ To be open to differences

______ To treat people as individuals

______ To look at whether expectations are real

______ To be aware of stereotypes

______ To check assumptions about other people or groups

______ To accept ambiguity

______ To be comfortable communicating with people different than you

______ To be nonjudgmental

______ To exhibit empathy

______ To listen and observe

Total Score___________

If your total is close to 50, you are probably communicating well when dealing

with conflicts on a variety of issues. If your total is less than 40, you have some

work to do to improve your skills.


Conflict Situation Guided Note-taking


In a conflict situation, we need to see:

Where we have _______________________

Where we can make a

____________________________________

Where we can impact the

____________________________________

Raven’s Basis of Power

Write in Raven’s Five Bases of Power.

“The way you

see the problem

is the problem.”


Three Potential Initial Responses to Conflict

Match the term with its correct definition.

A. Fight

Avoid conflict

Resist or putting off a situation

Taking a “why me” position

B. Flee

Determine what action needs to

be taken to be most effective

Consider all aspects of the

situation

C. Flow

Have a win/lose approach

Become defensive


The Full Deck Analysis

Provides a time out.

Helps you gain perspective.

Helps you choose the best strategy of collaboration.

My Facts

My Feelings

Your Facts

Your Feelings


Full Deck Analysis Exercise

Think of a customer conflict you are currently having or one in the past that was

not resolved appropriately. Using the Full Deck Analysis, evaluate the situation.

My Facts:

1.

2.

3.

4.

Your Facts:

1.

2.

3.

4.

My Feelings:

1.

2.

3.

4.

Your Feelings:

1.

2.

3.

4.

What did you discover?

What will you do differently in the future using this information?


Communication Technique

The Communication Model: Guided Note-taking

Sender: person who is ______________________________________ the message.

Receiver: the intended person or ______________________________________who

is to _______________________________________________________ the message.

Channel: how ________________________________________________ gets from

sender to receiver.

Sources: ideas that are ______________________________________________ via

verbal or non-verbal messages.

The Communication Cycle

Fill in the blank boxes to complete the Communication Cycle.

Sender Receiver


The Artist and the Communicator


Direct Communication Exercise

Review the following explanation of each step.

STEP 1: Describe to the other disputant his or her specific behavior that is getting

in the way of your ability to resolve the conflict. This will help you and the party

involved stay focused.

Approach: Keep your message focused on the behavior, not the personality.

Remember that your goal is to communicate a way of correcting a situation that is

interfering with the dialogue. Example: “When you yell at me….”

STEP 2: Express your feelings and reactions about the other person’s behavior.

Talking about how you feel gives the other person information about how his or her

behavior is impacting you.

Approach: Speak using “I” rather than generalizing; use “I feel…” rather than

“everyone feels.” Example: “I feel attacked…”

STEP 3: Suggest an alternate behavior. The benefit is that this provides specific

information on what you need from the other person.

Approach: First ask specifically what you want the other person to do. Be sure that

it’s doable. Give suggestions, requesting rather than commanding. Example:

“Please try to speak to me rather than yell at me.”

STEP 4: Outline the positive results and offer support; review the situation. This

will provide an opportunity to make sure that the other person understands what is

expected from the new behavior, and also feels encouraged.

Approach: Revisit the points discussed, focusing on the importance of the change in

behavior. Be positive about the outcome.


Now, think of a past experience where you were engaged in conflict with a

customer and answer the following:

1. What was the behavior? Describe it.

2. Describe your feelings when the behavior occurred. How did you react?

3. What would you like to see changed? What alternative behavior could you

suggest?

4. How could you end on a positive note?


Effective Listening Self-Assessment Not Usually Sometimes Always

My mind is completely absorbed by what they are saying

and it seldom wanders when I speak with others.

I hold my comments until the other person is finished

speaking.

I allow distractions like ringing telephones, busy street

traffic, or other conversations in a room distract my

attention from what someone is saying to me.

I tend to acknowledge what is being said with statements

such as “I understand” and “I see.”

I encourage the conversation and ensure that it will be a

two-way flow of communication by asking open-ended

questions.

I demonstrate to others that I am listening by confirming

that I understand what they are saying.

I judge and respond to only the value of what is being said

rather than the way and manner in which a person says it.

When I am talking with others, I read their body language,

as well as listen to their words, to fully interpret what

they are telling me

When talking with others, I try to read what’s going on

behind their spoken words by asking myself what they

might be feeling, why they are saying what they are

saying, and what is implied by what they say.

Whenever I talk with others, I either take mental or

written notes of the major idea, the key points, and the

supporting points and/or reasons


Components of Active Listening

Identify in the second column the letter of the correct definition for each.

A. Concentrate

Gather information about your

speaker through questions and

statements.

B. Acknowledge

Dealing successfully with highly

charged messages in a thoughtful

manner.

C. Research Observe nonverbal messages and

body language of speaker.

D. Emotional

Control

Organize the information you get

through listening, observing, and

note-taking.

E. Sensing Focus your attention on the

speaker and only the speaker.

F. Structure Demonstrate interest and

attention.


Verbal Encouragers

Identify some phrases and verbal encouragers you can use to let the other person

know you are listening and understand their point of view.


Escalate Vs. Acknowledge

The following is a list of typical remarks heard in a conflict situation. Mark “E”

for those that lead to escalation or “A” for those that acknowledge the other

party’ s position. (See the first two lines for examples.)

__E__ Why didn’t you listen?

__A__ That must have been hard for you.

_____ It’s interesting that…

_____ You ought to apologize to her for…

_____ In other words…

_____ I think you’re hiding something.

_____ If you really felt that way, you would have…

_____ So you think that…

_____ Your main concern is…

_____ If I were you…

_____ You are angry because…

_____ You’re just trying to get out of it.

_____ You say that this issue is important to you.

_____ You feel frustrated that the machine is not working.

_____ Your office supplies are the most expensive in the department.

_____ You see yourself as a very dedicated employee.

_____ You’re so late, I don’t think you’ll ever get it done.

_____ You’re always disrupting the meeting.

_____ It’s upsetting that your overtime is interfering with your family life.

_____ It will never work.

_____ You are wondering if this problem can be solved.


Clarifying Fact Vs. Opinion

Place the letter F in front of the sentences you see as statements of Fact and

place the letter O in front of the sentences you see as Opinions.

1. ___ You spend too much time doing the job.

2. ___ When I showed up yesterday, no one was home.

3. ___ You're too impatient.

4. ___ The work that you did was great.

5. ___ The conditions you requested were approved.

6. ___ It's not fair that you always get the easier assignments at this company.

When you have completed the above exercise, rewrite those sentences that you

identified as opinions on the lines below, putting them in the form of factual

statements.

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

Identifying Real Issues

Jot down some responses to “Uncovering the Hidden Agenda”.

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________


Non-judgmental Exercise

In each of the situations below, pretend you are the recipient of a complaint.

Decide initially what the complainer’s interest really is. Then think of a response

that recognizes the complainer’s interest and initiates a discussion, thereby

avoiding an argument.

“I had to show the engineer how to fix it, but he took all the credit himself.” Interest: ____________________________________________________________ Nonjudgmental response: ___________________________________________________________________

“Debbie always chit chats too much. I can never get anything done.” Interest: ____________________________________________________________ Nonjudgmental response: ___________________________________________________________________

“Mike always leaves his equipment in a mess.” Interest: ____________________________________________________________ Nonjudgmental response: ___________________________________________________________________

“This is my property and you can’t make me take down my shed.” Interest: ____________________________________________________________ Nonjudgmental response: ___________________________________________________________________

“Mark always comes to me for help, but then he cuts me off in the parking lot and laughs at me.” Interest: ________________________________________________ Nonjudgmental response: ___________________________________________________________________


Building Rapport: The Non-verbal Component

Identify all of the body language and paralanguage traits you need to be aware of

when communicating with another person.

Keep in mind

Sometimes it isn’t just what you say, but the way that

you say something that makes the most difference. Your

ability to be in command with both your language and

your paralanguage is significant to your effectiveness in

communicating with others.

Body Language Paralanguage


Voice Tone: Guided Note-taking

Complete each definition. Vocal cues that you should be aware of include:


Body Language

In your teams, come up with some factors to consider for each.

Posture ______________________________________

______________________________________

______________________________________

______________________________________

______________________________________

Eye contact ______________________________________

______________________________________

______________________________________

Facial expressions ______________________________________

______________________________________

______________________________________

______________________________________

______________________________________

Hand gestures ______________________________________

______________________________________

______________________________________

Space ______________________________________

______________________________________

______________________________________


Five Techniques for Success

1. “I” vs. YOU Language

2. Anticipation

3. Self-Interest

4. Limit-Setting

5. Consequences

“I” vs. “You” Review: Guided Note-taking


Communicate _____________________________________________________

___________________________________________Your Statements with “I”

Use “I” statements when expressing your ______________________________

Turning “You” Statements into “I” Statements

“You were wrong.”

_____________________________________________________________________.

“You made a mistake.”

_____________________________________________________________________.

“Your idea will never work.”

_____________________________________________________________________.


Creating Anticipatory Statements

You can use this technique to gain cooperation, influence others, win respect, or overcome stereotypes others may have about you. Fill in the appropriate terms.

_________________________________________________________ reactions

______________________________________ reactions into your statements

“I understand it will be an inconvenience for you when we are

working in your backyard.”

“I realize that you don’t have to allow us on your property but

it will be a big help to your community if you do.”

Self-Interest: Guided Note-taking

By keeping other people’s self-interest in mind, you’re much more likely to gain

their cooperation and support. Fill in the appropriate terms.

Determine your ___________________________ areas of self-interest.

Incorporate those __________________________________* of self-interest

into your statements to them.

Identify some of the self-interests of the customers you deal with.


Limit-Setting: Guided Note-taking

In Limit-Setting, you define the parameters of a relationship or situation so that

expectations are clear to all. Fill in the appropriate terms.

Communicate ____________________________________ by letting others

know what you will or won’t do.

Be careful not to communicate in a non-assertive, ______________________

manner.

Clarify ________________________________________________________ by

establishing agreements, and setting specific dates, times and expectations

for how work is to be completed.

Creating Limit-Setting Statements

Rewrite each of the following statements so that they include a limit.

I don’t think I’ll have much time to help you.

It’s not a good idea to be late.

I was expecting to be paid more.

Our production people need more time.

It may be difficult to get both of these projects done when you want them.


Consequences

The definition of consequence is an action or sanction that states to the other

person the likely outcome of continuing a problematic behavior. Fill in the

appropriate terms.

State before severe _______________________________ become necessary.

State in a _________________________________________________ manner.

Make sure that you have ____________________________________ power to

back up whatever you state as a consequence.

Remember that consequences must be ________________________________

and that follow through is essential.

Ethical Dilemma Checklist

– Is it illegal?

– Does it meet my ethical standards?

– Does it comply with my company standards?

– Does it comply with Land Surveying Practice

Guidelines?

– Will it compromise safety and quality standards?

– If I perform this act, will I feel bad afterwards?

– Would I do it if someone I respect was watching

me?

– How would I feel if my actions appeared in the

media?

– If I know it is wrong – don’t do it!

– If I am not sure – ask. Keep asking until I get an

answer.


Quote of the Moment

I believe- That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I believe- That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I believe- That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be

done, regardless of the consequences.

I believe-That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the

ones to help you get back up.

I believe- That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't

give me the right to be cruel.

I believe- That just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't

mean they don't love you with all they have.

I believe- That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and

what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I believe- That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but

we are responsible for who we become.

I believe- That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other.

And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I believe- That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life

forever.

I believe- That two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally

different.

I believe- That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even

know you.

I believe-That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I believe- That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

I believe- That you should share this message with all of the people that you believe in.

Documents

Principles of an Adequate Boundary Survey: Dealing With ... · Dealing with Difficult Customers Page 2 Dealing with Difficult Customers What is Conflict & Responses Workplace Conflict: