Managing conflict and

difficult people is

avoidable – just don’t go

out!!

10. Are we going to finish on time?10. Are we going to finish on time?9. When is the coffee break?9. When is the coffee break?8. Will I have to do role- play?8. Will I have to do role- play?7 It’s hard to change the way I respond isn’t it? 7 It’s hard to change the way I respond isn’t it? 6. Do I have to use this?6. Do I have to use this?5. How much do I have to note down? 5. How much do I have to note down? 4. Can I use these materials?4. Can I use these materials?3. I do everything you are going to tell me, can I go?3. I do everything you are going to tell me, can I go?2. Yes but, that won’t work in real life will it?2. Yes but, that won’t work in real life will it?1. Can you really hypnotise me? 1. Can you really hypnotise me?

Top ten questions trainers are asked

Top ten questions trainers are asked

How can you help yourself take something from this session?

How can you help someone else take something from this session?How can you help someone else take something from this session?

How can I help him, help me take something from this session?How can I help him, help me take something from this session?

If you are going to spend the time here - If you are going to spend the time here -

“We are all somebody’s difficult person sometimes”

If we can control our natural urge to criticise we will remain more in control of the situation.

“If we are expecting change in others, we have to look to change ourselves

first.” Nelson Mandela

Aggressive SubmissiveManipulative Assertive

AssertivenessAssertiveness

“Other people and things can stop you temporarily. You're the only one who can do it permanently”.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

“Other people and things can stop you temporarily. You're the only one who can do it permanently”.

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

"The battles that count aren't the ones for the gold medals. The struggles within yourself - the invisible, inevitable battles inside all of us - that's where it's at."

"The battles that count aren't the ones for the gold medals. The struggles within yourself - the invisible, inevitable battles inside all of us - that's where it's at."

Assertiveness is….Assertiveness is….

A kind of behaviour A style of communication An attitude/approach/philosophy

It’s about……. Expressing yourself with confidence

without using passive, aggressive or manipulative behaviour.

Taking more control of your life Being clear and straightforward with

others Respecting yours and others needs &

rights

A kind of behaviour A style of communication An attitude/approach/philosophy

It’s about……. Expressing yourself with confidence

without using passive, aggressive or manipulative behaviour.

Taking more control of your life Being clear and straightforward with

others Respecting yours and others needs &

rights

Choosing your behaviour Choosing your behaviour

Any change in behaviour requires a degree of self-awareness

  Once we become aware of our

behaviour we then have a choice in whether we continue to use it or choose to change.

Any change in behaviour requires a degree of self-awareness

  Once we become aware of our

behaviour we then have a choice in whether we continue to use it or choose to change.

Types of assertion Types of assertion

Basic This is a straightforward statement where

you stand up for your rights Empathetic This assertion contains the element of

empathy as well as a statement of your needs or wants.

Discrepancy This is where you point out a discrepancy

between what has previously been agreed and what is actually happening

Basic This is a straightforward statement where

you stand up for your rights Empathetic This assertion contains the element of

empathy as well as a statement of your needs or wants.

Discrepancy This is where you point out a discrepancy

between what has previously been agreed and what is actually happening

Types of assertionTypes of assertion

Negative feelings Here you are making a statement that draws

the attention of another person to the undesirable effect their behaviour

Consequences This technique informs the other person of the

future consequences for them of not changing their behaviour.

Responsive The emphasis of this method is about finding

out where the other party or person stands

Negative feelings Here you are making a statement that draws

the attention of another person to the undesirable effect their behaviour

Consequences This technique informs the other person of the

future consequences for them of not changing their behaviour.

Responsive The emphasis of this method is about finding

out where the other party or person stands

Matching Observable Behaviour

Matching Observable Behaviour

Any observable behaviour can be matched, for example:

Body posture Hand gestures Head tilt Blink rate Facial expression Energy level Breathing rate Vocal qualities (pace, rhythm, tonality) Key phrases Anything else that you can observe...

Any observable behaviour can be matched, for example:

Body posture Hand gestures Head tilt Blink rate Facial expression Energy level Breathing rate Vocal qualities (pace, rhythm, tonality) Key phrases Anything else that you can observe...

Solving problems with RADAR

Solving problems with RADAR

Realise – that problems do occur and some are regularAssess – no boundaries of solutions Decide – what to actionAct – what will you do, when, how? Review – did it make a difference?

Realise – that problems do occur and some are regularAssess – no boundaries of solutions Decide – what to actionAct – what will you do, when, how? Review – did it make a difference?

Asserting yourself simply using the 4 ‘I’s’

Asserting yourself simply using the 4 ‘I’s’

Introduce

Impact

Inform

Incentive

Introduce

Impact

Inform

Incentive

Assertiveness with the LADDER mnemonic

Assertiveness with the LADDER mnemonic

L –Look at your rights and what you want, and understand your feelings about the situation

A –Arrange a meeting with the other person to discuss the situation

D –Define the problem specifically D – Describe your feelings so that the

other person fully understands how you feel about the situation

E – Express what you want clearly and concisely

R – Reinforce the other person by explaining the mutual benefits of adopting the site of action you are suggesting.

L –Look at your rights and what you want, and understand your feelings about the situation

A –Arrange a meeting with the other person to discuss the situation

D –Define the problem specifically D – Describe your feelings so that the

other person fully understands how you feel about the situation

E – Express what you want clearly and concisely

R – Reinforce the other person by explaining the mutual benefits of adopting the site of action you are suggesting.

Visual, Auditory & Kinaesthetic

Visual, Auditory & Kinaesthetic

Visual Recall

Auditory Recall

Internal Dialogue

Visual Construct

Auditory Construct

Kinaesthetic /Feelings

The Typical Assault CycleThe Typical Assault Cycle

Based on Kaplan and Wheeler 1983

Based on Kaplan and Wheeler 1983

Possible additional assaults Possible additional assaults

BASELINEBEHAVIOUR

BASELINEBEHAVIOUR

BASELINEBEHAVIOUR

BASELINEBEHAVIOUR

TRIGGERPHASE

(A)

TRIGGERPHASE

(A)

ESCALATION

PHASE(B)

ESCALATION

PHASE(B)

CRISISPHASE

(C)

CRISISPHASE

(C)

PLATEAU RECOVERY PHASE (D)

PLATEAU RECOVERY PHASE (D)

POST-CRISIS DEPRESSION

PHASE (E)

POST-CRISIS DEPRESSION

PHASE (E)

The S.A.L.V.A.G.E. Strategy

The S.A.L.V.A.G.E. Strategy

Smile Anticipate their anger Listen to them Verify that you have understood Attend to their needs Guarantee that something will be done Encourage them to change direction

Remember to give people choices

Smile Anticipate their anger Listen to them Verify that you have understood Attend to their needs Guarantee that something will be done Encourage them to change direction

Remember to give people choices

Disarming AngerDisarming Anger Listen first. Maintain rapport in body and voice Feedback what you hear Change what the person is focused on Make empathetic statements Number items Get solution orientated Eliminate potential anger statements

(such as?) “You don’t need to make them right, but don’t make them wrong”

Listen first. Maintain rapport in body and voice Feedback what you hear Change what the person is focused on Make empathetic statements Number items Get solution orientated Eliminate potential anger statements

(such as?) “You don’t need to make them right, but don’t make them wrong”

Levels of Listening Levels of Listening

At Level 1 our attention is on ourselves, it is self-directed and self -absorbed. We listen to the words of the other person but the focus is on what it means to us. At level 2 there is a sharp focus on the other person. You hear the other speak. You hear the words but hear much more: the tone, the pace, the feeling expressed. At level 3 you listen at 360 degrees. You listen as if you and the speaker were at the centre of the universe receiving information from everywhere at once.

At Level 1 our attention is on ourselves, it is self-directed and self -absorbed. We listen to the words of the other person but the focus is on what it means to us. At level 2 there is a sharp focus on the other person. You hear the other speak. You hear the words but hear much more: the tone, the pace, the feeling expressed. At level 3 you listen at 360 degrees. You listen as if you and the speaker were at the centre of the universe receiving information from everywhere at once.

Thoughts and emotions represent themselves through our senses

We can choose our own state