Poise and Posture

© Copyright Modern Finishing School

Modern Finishing School

An eCourse on Elegant Living for Modern Women

Week 1

What is a Finishing School?

A finishing school (or charm school) is typically defined as “a private school for girls focused on training in cultural and social activities." Switzerland is known for its private finishing schools, such as Institut Alpin Videmanette (now closed), where Diana, Princess of Wales studied. In the old days, girls from privileged families, after graduating from high school, would be sent to Finishing School in order to learn the social graces that would help them to live more elegant lives and find a suitable husband.

Fashion of a bygone era: Debutante wearing Charles Worth Charles Frederick Worth (1825 - 1895) is widely considered to be the father of Haute Couture and was responsible for dressing a generation of girls for their Cotillion, or Debutante Ball. Worth was English-born but spent most of his life in Paris, where he dressed famous women including the Austrian Princess Pauline von Metternich (pictured) and the infamous beauty Virginia Oldini, Countess of Castiglione.

Issues Covered

1

2

3

4

The History of Finishing Schools

Personal Presence and Impact

Perfect Posture

Compelling Speech

Week 1 © Modern Finishing School

2

Can you re-imagine your best self? That time has passed. The modern woman no longer sees getting married as her only goal in life, nor does she have the time to learn embroidery and needlepoint. And yet, an increasing number of modern women are discovering that some of the skills taught at these old-fashioned finishing schools are still relevant today.

Finishing Schools help students learn fundamental life skills such as:

• Knowing how to maintain elegant posture and control facial expressions

• Mastering the arts of food and wine

• Using body language to

project your desires

• Making others feel at ease

• Creating a well-edited wardrobe on any budget

Now that the finishing schools of the last century are shutting their doors, women from all walks of life, whether students, professionals or full-time moms, are turning to the Modern Finishing School eCourse in order to benefit from the study of comportment, etiquette and style.

No matter what our goals, we experience greater success when we are poised and confident.

Posture is one of the forgotten

disciplines of the last century. Without training, many of us suffer from the typical symptoms of weak, rounded shoulders, a forward-jutting head, and a belly that sticks out. This makes us look weak, tired and uninspiring.

In contrast, standing out by standing up straight can make an incredible difference to the way we are perceived by others.

Elegance begins with good posture…


3

Benefits of perfect posture include:

• Portray a more confident and optimistic image

• Instantly make yourself look 5 lbs slimmer

• Improve circulation and digestion

• Reduce the risk of muscular aches and pains

• Allow you to breath more easily, which will improve voice quality and projection, making you appear more confident

At old-fashioned Finishing Schools, girls would walk with books balanced on top of their heads to improve their posture, holding their heads high. Feel free to try this at home, but the suggestions below may be more practical!

What is good posture?

Good posture means standing with a straight spine, your shoulders rolled back and your shoulder blades pulled down and inwards, with your weight distributed evenly between both feet and your chin level with the ground. Your lower spine is naturally curved, so take care not to over-correct your posture. Standing up straight like a military officer, poking the chest out and tilting the head too far back is actually just as unhealthy as slouching. The most important thing is to relax! Your body should not be rigid or tense. Remember, posture is simply the word we use to describe the position in which the body is naturally designed to function.

We’ve all been told a million times not to slouch, but if you have difficulty remembering, try wearing a new bracelet – every time you see it throughout the day, it will serve as a discrete reminder to sit/stand up straight. It goes

without saying that the main downside of slouching is turning into the Hunchback of Notre Dame. But getting rid of the slouch will also make you look more confident and

Posture and Balance

Achieving perfect posture is easy.

We begin by simply ‘unlearning’ our bad habits…

Then we develop some good habits to replace them.

Fitness balls can be a fun way to practice good posture while watching television


4

optimistic, which will affect the way you are perceived.

Part of developing good posture is letting go of bad habits.

Old Habit # 1: Sitting still for most of the day.

Our bodies were designed to move around and sitting at a desk all day simply isn’t natural! Apart from being terribly boring, this will lead to tightness in the hips and can eventually pinch the

sciatic nerve.

Even if you are at your desk, there are simple exercises you

can do to relieve the pressure on your body. Try sitting with your right ankle on your left thigh and lean forward to feel a stretch in your hips. Hold for 30 seconds, switch legs and repeat. Then stand up and reach for your toes, relaxing your neck. Hold for 10 seconds and feel the stretch in the back of your thighs and lower back.

Old Habit # 2: Cradling your phone in your shoulder.

This creates a tilt in your spine and can ultimately lead to back pain. If you don’t want to look like a telephone operator with a hands-free headset, just remember to switch shoulders! After hanging up the phone, try a few head circles, and then lower your ear toward your shoulder without arching your back. Hold for 30 seconds, then

Try visualizing yourself as a favorite movie star or celebrity – ideally one from the Golden Age of Hollywood, when perfect posture was more common, such as Audrey Hepburn or Grace Kelly.

You will find it impossible to

slouch if you imagine yourself as Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Although she was not tall by modeling standards, her posture was world-renowned and made her look elegant and perfectly proportioned. As a young girl, she trained as a

Audrey Hepburn’s posture is the epitome of elegance

The ‘cat stretch’ is a yoga stretch that helps to open up your chest

and back

The ‘bridge pose’, used in yoga and Pilates, opens the chest and helps strengthen and

lengthen the spine

ballerina but as an adult, her main form of exercise was walking briskly. She loved walking, whether on the streets of Manhattan or in the mountains of the Swiss Alps, where she had a summer home.


5

repeat on the other side.

Old Habit # 3: Crossed legs Although many of us were taught that sitting with crossed legs is ladylike, it twists your spine and disrupts your natural posture, and has been linked to the appearance of varicose veins.

Try sitting with your feet flat on the floor. If you catch yourself sitting with crossed legs, make a few slow ankle circles, clockwise then counterclockwise for 30 seconds on each foot. Then stand up and do five squats to get the blood flowing (with feet hip distance, sit back as though to sit in a chair, then come back up).

New Habit # 1: Strengthening your spine through exercise

Physical exercise has about a

million and one known benefits, and improving posture is one of these. In particular, yoga and Pilates are extremely beneficial for posture, as both will help you to strengthen your core muscles and protect your spine. There are dozens of variants of yoga and Pilates, with different levels of difficulty; some involve meditation and others will feel like an ordinary stretching class, so try to find a style that suits you. Of course, reading about exercise is no substitute for a professional instructor, so we recommend that you try your local gym or purchase a DVD to use at home. If you are not sure where to start, try Kristin McGee’s yoga and Pilates DVDs for beginners. (www.kristenmcgee.com)

However, there are many forms of exercise that can improve posture, from light weight training to running to dance classes. Most importantly, find something that you enjoy!

New Habit # 2: Visualize yourself with perfect posture

Visualization techniques can be a powerful way to enact changes in your life. For perfect posture, imagine there is a ribbon tied to the top of your head that is pulling you gently up towards the ceiling.

Your body should be evenly distributed over both feet, and you can imagine that there are weights in both hands, pulling the shoulders down away from your ears, shoulder blades neatly tucked in.

New Habit # 3: Get a massage

Many postural problems

originate from tension in the neck, which restricts the head’s movement. If you allow your head to move freely you will feel your entire spine lengthen. A neck and shoulder massage will help to eliminate this tension, making it a great way to renew your commitment to perfect posture.


6

If you do not wish to spend

the money on a professional spa massage, try enlisting the help of your friends or family, or purchase a hand-held massager. Getting a massage has other health benefits as well, like improved blood circulation, which speeds up the delivery of oxygen and nutrients to your cells. The perfect excuse to indulge!

What does your voice say

about you?

Learning how to master your voice can help you to make a lasting impression in every aspect of your life. And yet, most of us have never thought about how we can improve our impact through speech.

Whether it is getting your opinion across in meetings, giving compelling presentations, or just being more influential in a social setting, your voice plays an

essential role in commanding the attention of your listeners.

Many people say that public speaking is their number one fear, outranking death and divorce. Our anxiety about speaking in public may prevent us from reaching our fullest potential since we may try to avoid situations that could advance our career or personal goals. Even experienced performers can experience stage fright; the key is knowing how to manage those emotions in any context, so that the ‘real you’ can shine through.

Speaking well is a learned

skill

We tend not to think about the way we speak in our every day lives. Speech becomes involuntary; we forget about delivery as we focus on the content of what we are saying. The first and most fundamental step is

Voice and Projection

With practice, anyone can modulate their voice in a way that compels others to listen.

simply to become conscious of our good and bad speech habits.

Are you mumbling, as though you lack confidence in what you’re saying?

Are you rushing through your words too quickly, perhaps due to a subconscious fear that your partner is disinterested and wants to go do something else?

Is your voice too quiet, signaling submissiveness, or too loud, suggesting aggression?

Only you can assess whether your voice is portraying the person you want to be. Try using a tape recorder to record yourself speaking so that you can get a better idea of the way you sound to others. Don’t worry if your voice sounds strange to you at first! This is normal,


7

because we are not accustomed to hearing ourselves. The tape will still be helpful in analyzing what you like and don’t like about your speaking voice.

What makes a compelling

speaking voice?

The fundamentals of powerful speech are quite straightforward. It just requires practice!

A compelling voice:

• Sounds relaxed

It helps if you can actually feel relaxed (more on this later), but in the meantime, try to determine whether you are showing any of the telltale signs of stress when you speak, such as feeling short of breath, flushing, stumbling

over words, or losing your train of thought.

• Pronunciation is clear

Clarity of speech is important. If you mumble your words people are likely to think you are not sure of what you’re saying, or that you lack confidence. Professional actresses all practice elocution exercises to improve the clarity of their speech. Try some from the list below!

• Speed is controlled

Rushing through your words makes it clear to your audience that either you can’t wait for this conversation/ speech to be finished, or you suspect that they can’t wait. In most cases, err on the side

of too slow rather than too fast, because we typically think that we speak more slowly than we really do. Natural speech will vary slightly in speed. For example, try to insert a longer pause just before or just after you introduce a new idea.

Vocal Exercises can improve clarity and diction They sound funny, but most professional speakers use tongue twisters like these before an engagement to improve their diction.

Confidence is conveyed through your tone of

voice

• High roller, low roller, lower roller.

• I need a box of biscuits, a box of mixed biscuits, and a biscuit mixer.

• He thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts.

• Imagine an imaginary menagerie manager

imagining managing an imaginary menagerie.

• The free thugs set three thugs free.

• She stood on the balcony inexplicably mimicking him hiccupping and amicably welcoming him in.


8

This gives people time to absorb what you are saying, and tends to leave a stronger impression.

• Tone is varied

Our tone of voice will impact whether or not our audience believes we are sincere. A monotone voice may leave them doubting our motives, or they may perceive us as boring even if the content of what we are saying is very stimulating.

When we speak naturally, we change our tone of voice in accordance with what we are saying. This makes us sound more dynamic and is key to holding peoples’ attention. Try raising or lowering the tone of your voice in order to emphasize an important point, or to convey your passion about the subject matter.

• Smile and be cheerful

Your voice will instinctively sound more natural and relax if you smile now and then

while you are speaking.

Practice integrating these techniques

In order to make these powerful speaking techniques feel like second nature to us, it’s important that we first try to adopt them in our everyday lives - in the supermarket, at work or school, when speaking with friends. Aim for gradual change, focusing on one new aspect of speech every day, until you start to feel a difference. Then, when it matters most, you will remember what it felt like to give a compelling speech.

Overcoming anxiety

Once you begin to feel the results of your improved speaking technique, it’s time to focus on higher stake situations. Anxiety can sometimes leave us tongue-tied, but there are many effective methods of

relaxation to reduce fear of public speaking.

• What’s the worst case scenario

Chances are, the stakes are lower than you think. What’s the worst that could happen? How likely is this in reality? There are very few public speaking mishaps that are truly disastrous.

• Exercise releases nervous energy

As mentioned before, there are a million and one reasons to exercise, and here is another one – it really is the best way to release nervous energy.

“Sometimes, when I have an important presentation in the afternoon, I will pencil in an hour at lunchtime to work out at the gym or go for a run. When I’m really worried, it’s the only thing that will help me to get the

Exercise is a great way to release nervous energy…


9

anxiety out of my system.”

- Sarah K., Fund Manager

• Visualization

One of the most important tools you can use to enact any change in your life is to visualize success. Replace negative thoughts by imagining in as much detail as possible what it will feel like when you achieve your goal! Picture the setting, the faces you will see, the words you will hear yourself saying and the way you will sound – clear, confident, poised and polished.

Most importantly, picture your audience smiling and nodding as they listen to you speak. We can never fully control the reception we will receive, but if you expect the worse, the audience will subconsciously pick up on your negativity and respond in a more negative way. Do

yourself a favour and expect the best.

• Breathing Exercises

It’s important to keep practicing the perfect posture techniques from the previous section, because these will allow you to breathe deeply and help to prevent anxiety. Once your body is aligned and relaxed, think of something that makes you smile, like a loved one, or something amusing that happened earlier in the week.

It’s important that you actually smile, because the simple act of smiling sends a message to your brain that you are feeling happy, relaxed and confident, and can help regulate your emotions. Then, place your hands on your abdomen and relax your belly muscles. Take a deep breath and feel the belly fill up with air.

Keep inhaling until the middle of your chest is full of air and you feel your rib cage expand. Hold the breath in for a moment, then begin to exhale as slowly as possible.

As the air is slowly let out, relax your chest and rib cage. Begin to pull your belly in to force out the remaining breath. Relax your facial muscles as you exhale and feel yourself start to let go of any anxiety. Think to yourself, “I’m glad I’m here and I’m glad you’re here!” Smile, and begin to speak.

Practice this exercise at home and just before an important speaking engagement in order to clear your mind.


Goal Setting Exercise

The old –fashioned finishing school was about turning girls into “perfect” women.

But the perfect woman doesn’t exist!

All we can do is imagine ourselves the way we would like to be – a more elegant version of ourselves.

Use this exercise to get the most out of

your experience in Week 1

Remember, you are your own harshest critic!

More than anything, I would like to accomplish_________ in my personal life. I believe that the only thing holding me back is ________________.

I will endeavor to work on the following 3 skills in order to achieve this dream_______, _________, and_________.

My academic/professional reputation would really benefit if I achieved the following skills: _________, _________, and _________. I will practice these skills by doing _______.

My relationship with _______ is really important to me. I think we would really benefit if I could improve our conversations about _______.

I find it really difficult speaking to

_________. Next time we speak, I will try to focus on _________.

There are some situations in which I feel awkward or uncertain, for example_________ and _________. I will do my best to think about my posture and the way I project my voice in these situations, in order to feel more confident and poised.

I really admire ______________, and the way she ______________. I will try to adopt this habit by ______________.

I think my personal presence and impact would be improved if I ___________. I will try to make this change by doing ___________.

I tend to feel anxious when__________. I will overcome my anxiety by visualizing myself

doing________.

When I am speaking to others in any public setting, I will focus in particular on three things I would like to improve: ______________, ______________, and ______________.

I think the most amazing public speaker is _________. I especially like the way she_________.

Part of living an elegant life is treating myself once in awhile. I will be working hard this week on improving _______. As a reward, I will treat myself to __________.

I will remember that I am my own harshest critic! This week I am proud of myself for achieving __________.

Documents

Poise and Posture