Parks and Recreation Episode: Censorship

by Colin S Liddle

EXT. CITY HALL - PAWNEE - ESTABLISHING SHOT.

INT. CITY HALL - OFFICE

ANDY is sitting at a computer with APRIL at his side. DONNA,ANN and TOM are watching.

ANDYAaand... It's officially live!

ANN, TOM AND DONNA clap.

RON steps out of his office.

RONI'm glad to see you all not working,but what's this ruckus about?

ANDYI started a Kickstarter to record anew Mouserat album!

RONWhat's a Kickstarter?

ANNKickstarter is a website that allowsyou to raise money so you can producea creative project, such as an albumor film.

RONIt sounds like a "creative" way toask for a handout.

ANDYYes! A handout. That's exactlywhat I want.

TOMIt's not a handout, Ron. It's calledcrowdsourcing, and it's awesome.

RONWhatever happened to working hardand saving money to do somethinglike that?

TOMRon, this is the 21st Century. Withall the technological advances,success can now come before workoutside of the dictionary. Why doyou think I've maxed out seven creditcards?

2.

ANNYou've maxed out seven credit cards?

TOMYeah, or eight. I don't know. I'velost track.

ANNHow much are you asking for in yourkickstarter?

APRIL50,000 dollars.

ANN50,000?! It shouldn't take thatmuch to produce an album.

APRILIt doesn't. We're going to use thefirst 10,000 to make the album andthe other 40,000 to go on tenvacations!

ANNThat's dishonest, April.

APRILNo, it isn't, you just don'tunderstand the creative processbecause you're not interesting. It's going to take ten vacations tocome up with the inspiration for thealbum.

ANDYIt's true! If I come up with onesong for each of our ten vacations,that would be the perfect album! Imean, how could something I come upwith in the Bahamas not be awesome?

ANNI think you should bring the amountdown to 10,000. That's morerealistic.

TOMNo! Dream big, Andy. Besides withthe video I made for him, 50,000might be too low.

ANNYou made the video for him?

3.

TOM bounds over to the computer and clicks the mouse to startthe video, the group huddles around to watch it.

VIDEO:

ANDY is sitting in a chair of a front yard with a sidewayshat, Kanye-style sunglasses, chains around his neck and agrill in his teeth. APRIL is by his side in a bikini and asideways hat and DONNA is dressed as a Missy Elliot type,nodding her head.

ANDY(In video)

Yo, what up, internet world. Myname's A-Dwy here and I'm invitingyou to the biggest party of the year. The new album of my folk rock bandMouse-Rat. We gonna need about 50Gs to make this happen and that'swhere you suckas come in.

ANNYou probably shouldn't refer to yourpotential donors as "suckas," andwhy does the video for your rockband make it look like you're makinga rap album?

TOMCome on, Ann, nobody's going to givemoney to some sad guitarist talkingabout his feelings. No offense,Andy. To make big bucks, you gottamake a big video. And what's biggerthan hip hop?

ANNI just think this is going to bereally confusing to anybody who seesit.

TOMShh, here comes my cameo.

In the video, ANDY is now starting to jam on his guitarsinging "COME ON, INTERNET WORLD, GIVE ME YOUR MONEY!" Aprilis writhing around in a kiddie pool filled with jelly, Tomenters the scene and begins "making it rain" with one dollarbills. RON is seen staring disapprovingly at the screen.

RON TALKING HEAD

RONI do not like crowdsourcing.

4.

CUE "PARKS AND REC" OPENING

EXT. SCHOOL DISTRICT - DAY

LESLIE and BEN are walking and talking with the camera up toa government building. LESLIE is speaking to the camera.

LESLIEAs a city counselor, it would beeasy to take time away from servingthe community on my day off--

BENAnd you know, like a person whodoesn't work on their day off.

LESLIEBut there isn't time off for anelected official because peopledeserve a person who's devoted tothem 24/7.

BEN24/7 isn't a literal expression. People need to sleep.

LESLIESo Ben and I are going to a schoolboard meeting. I like to stop byand see what concerned parents aretalking about.

INT. SCHOOL DISTRICT BUILDING - MEETING ROOM

Rows of chairs are set up in this room, scattered parentssit in them, with two people, BOB and KAREN, who both looktired and frustrated, on the school board sitting at a tableat the front of the room. There is a microphone in front ofthe table and several people are standing in line to speakin it. LESLIE and BEN sit down in the back.

A short, weasly man named FRANK is speaking into themicrophone.

FRANK:I don't think there should be carrotsin school lunches. People say carrotsare good for you, but I think they'retoo pointy. Having such a pointyvegetable could influence a child tostab his parents. We should havepeas instead.

5.

KAREN:There are both peas and carrots inthe school lunches. And I've neverread a case of children harming eachother because of carrots.

FRANK:Just because it hasn't happeneddoesn't mean it can't happen. Aship had never sunk before the Titanicwent down, but it happened all thesame!

KAREN:Plenty of ships had sunk before--All right, you know what, Frank,we've given you your twenty minutesthis week, you need to sit down.

FRANK:It should be thirty minutes. I'veonly gotten to four of my ideas.

KAREN:Sit down, Frank.

FRANK begrudingly glares at them and then sits down. Thenext person who steps up is none other than MARCIA LANGMAN,accompanied by her absurdly gay husband MARSHALL, theconservative woman who constantly antagonizes LESLIE.

LESLIE gives a disapproving glance to BEN.

MARCIA:I am here to express a deep concernabout the content being shown to theimpressionable youth in our schools.

LESLIE(Under her breath)

Oh, here we go.

MARCIA:In the film studies class at PAWNEEHIGH, they have been showing Hollywoodmovies that are not appropriate forinnocent and delicate sixteen yearolds.

MARSHALLAnd not a single Barbra Streisandmusical!

BOB responds to her. He's tired and submissive to MARCIA,implying that he has to deal with her every week.

6.

BOBOkay, MARCIA, just give us a listand we'll have them stop showing themovies.

MARCIA pulls out a piece of paper.

MARCIA:Wonderful.

LESLIE stands up to protest.

LESLIEExcuse me! You can't just submit toher will without reviewing any ofthe information.

MARCIA:Oh, hello, Councilman Knope, I didn'tsee you lurking in the back of theroom like an agent of deceit.

LESLIEThat's Councilwoman Knope, and Iwasn't lurking.

BENWe were kind of lurking.

LESLIECome on, Bob, why are you lettingMarcia push you around? You're onthe school board, not her.

BOBIt's just easier to give into her.She won't stop until she gets herway.

LESLIEWell, I won't stop either. Onlyit's not for me. I'm taking a standagainst censorship. For decadespeople have been trying to preventour youth from being exposed towonderful art. Think of To Kill AMockingbird or Catcher in the Rye, Come on, Ben. We're going to dosomething about this.

LESLIE and BEN stand up and begin walking out.

MARCIA:And away she goes, the troll ofimmorality!

7.

LESLIE turns around, affronted.

LESLIETroll of immorality? Where do youcome up with this stuff?

MARSHALLVixen of heresy!

MARCIA:Harlot of oblivion!

MARSHALLOctopus of iniquity!

LESLIE wants to put in a dig of her own.

LESLIECrazy... people.

She and BEN leave.

EXT. STREETS OF PAWNEE - AFTERNOON

CHRIS TRAEGER is jogging by himself.

CHRISI have a few hours of a gap in myschedule, so I thought I'd go for aquick marathon.

A car pulls up next to CHRIS. Inside of it is TOM. Thetinted window rolls down. CHRIS smiles.

CHRIS (CONT'D)Tom Haverford! To what do I owe theimmense pleasure?

TOMYo, Chris. What up?

CHRISLiterally, my heart beat andfiguratively, my spirits. It's agreat day to go running.

TOMI'm glad you've figured out thedifference between 'literally' and'figuratively.' I got a favor toask you.

CHRISOf course. There is literally nothingI wouldn't do for you.

8.

TOMOh yeah? Would you ice a guy forme?

CHRISIf by icing, you mean killing, thenno.

TOMI guess you haven't figured out themeaning of those words. Anyway, Ipretty much got it made right now. I'm running a successful business,I'm the coolest guy in Pawnee, but...I need to get swole.

CHRISSwole?

TOMLike, I need to get in shape. If Ican add buffness to my hot resume,I'll be golden.

CHRISAre you asking me to be your personaltrainer, Tom?

TOMWell, yeah, I guess so. I just wannaget swole!

CHRISI will help you get swole, TomHaverford!

INT. TOM'S CAR - AFTERNOON

TOM TALKING HEAD

TOM is holding a literal hotness resume.

TOMTom Haverford, successful smallbusiness owner, incredible fashionsense, sexually experienced, but nottoo sexually experienced, and wheredid I get my PHD in swoleness? CHRISTRAEGER UNIVERSITY, baby.

INT. CITY HALL - PAWNEE

ANDY is sitting at the computer, eating chips. ANN, APRILand RON are nearby. ANN is addressing the camera.

9.

ANNSo we made a new Kickstarter forAndy, we made the amount a morerealistic 7,000 dollars. I had todo some convincing, but I think--

APRILYou're buying us a vacation.

ANNI'm not buying you a vacation! Anyway, I think Andy has a real chanceof making his goal now.

ANDYPeople haven't donated that muchyet.

ANNWell, have you thought about postinga link to it on your Facebook account?

ANDYI only have a Myspace.

ANNWhy do you have a Myspace?

ANDYBecause, uh, I'm loyal! I thinkit's gonna make a comeback.

ANNYou need to-- Uh. Let's think ofsome ways to get your campaign infront of more people.

ANDYBut I want to save my idea batteryfor the album, not for ways to makemoney!

EXT. PAWNEE HIGH - AFTERNOON

LESLIE and BEN walk into the school.

INT. PAWNEE HIGH - FILM STUDIES CLASSROOM - AFTERNOON

LESLIE and BEN enter the classroom. The film teacher is MR. ALBERT HECKINS, he is early 40s, obese, wears a goatee. Thestudents are quietly watching a film.

LESLIEExcuse me, Mr. Heck-

10.

HECKINSShhh.

LESLIEOh, I'm sorry, could you talk to meoutside for a moment?

HECKINS stares at her for a moment, then struggles slowly toget up out of his desk. He wobbles over and they walkoutside.

HECKINSYou're that woman, right?

LESLIEYes, I'm Councilwoman Knope, andI've come here to help you take astand against censorship. You see,Marcia Wallace is--

HECKINSUgh, she is just the worst.

LESLIERight?

HECKINSYeah, she's always sticking her nosewhere it doesn't belong.

LESLIEYes! I agree, which is why we--

HECKINSShe's not bad on the eyes, though. I've never been with a woman likethat. I mean... I've never beenwith a woman. But if I were to bewith a woman, and if she weren'tsuch a prude, I'd love to be withher. If only I could be her husband.

LESLIEWell...

LESLIE looks nervously at the camera.

LESLIE (CONT'D)Anyway, she's trying to ban all themovies you're showing, and I thinkthat students should have theprivilege to be exposed to differentkinds of films that introduce newideas they may have never thoughtof.

11.

HECKINSI agree! How are kids going tobroaden their horizons if we let theMarcia Wallaces of the world dictatewhat we can and can't watch?

LESLIEAbsolutely! So what film are youshowing to your kids right now? OnThe Waterfront? The Great Escape?

HECKINSOh, right now? That's, uh, Saw IV.

LESLIE struggles to comprehend this immediately.

LESLIESaw IV? That's not appropriate toshow in a classroom.

HECKINSOh, look who's being a Marcia Wallacenow.

LESLIEI'm not like Marcia Wallace. There'sa difference between tasteful filmsthat explore thought provoking themesand... torture porn.

HECKINSTorture porn? Oh, please. You know,they called Citizen Kane tortureporn when it first came out.

LESLIENo, they didn't. Ben, tell Heckinshere that I'm not like Marcia Wallace. We watch all kinds of-- Ben?

BEN is watching the movie through the window of the door.

BENHuh? Oh, sorry, I just never sawthe ending to this one. I mean, theSaw movies are nothing like theclassic horror of John Carpenter andWes Craven, but--

LESLIEAll right, that's it. Let me seeyour curriculum.

HECKINSFine.

12.

HECKINS waddles inside, we see the students' reaction to SAWIV. All the boys are grinning and wide-eyed, the two girlsin the classroom have their eyes covered. HECKINS goes backout to the hall with the curriculum.

HECKINS (CONT'D)Here.

LESLIE looks over it.

LESLIEYou've got to be kidding. Saw, SawII, Saw III, Saw IV...

BEAT

LESLIE (CONT'D)Bedknobs and Broomsticks?

HECKINSYeah. ...It's a good movie.

LESLIEI, uh, yeah, I like that one, too. Saw V, Saw VI and Saw The FinalChapter? How can you call yourselfa film teacher if you're only showingyour students movies from a singleslasher movie franchise?

HECKINSHey, I'm the film teacher here, notyou. I don't try to tell you how tobe governor.

LESLIEI'm not the governor.

HECKINSAnd you never will be if you don'tlearn to let the voters do what theywant to do.

BENYou can't honestly think parents aregoing to be okay with you showingtheir kids the Saw movies?

HECKINSWhat do you think I am, an idiot? Imade every student sign an agreementnot to tell their parents about themovies I was showing them.

LESLIE'S jaw drops from the lack of responsibility on display.

13.

EXT. STREETS OF PAWNEE - AFTERNOON

CHRIS is running backwards, instructing TOM while jogging. TOM is jogging slowly, out of breath, sweating from head totoe, and miserable.

CHRISKeep it up! Just a few more milesuntil you get your runners' high.

TOM(Whiny)

But it's been a runners' low sincewe started.

CHRISYou got to start low to get high.

CHRIS TALKING HEAD

CHRIS (CONT'D)I'm enjoying training Tom, and Ithink that he has a lot of potential,but... I don't remember the lasttime I went this slow. I think Imust have been a baby. And eventhen, I don't think it was this slow. I'm not even this slow at work.

FLASH

INT. CITY HALL - PAWNEE

ANN is looking over some files with JERRY and we see a passingperson whoosh by the camera in three or four frames.

CHRISAnn Perkins!

ANN looks up quickly, but sees nobody there. She looks aroundconfused.

END FLASH

As TOM struggles to keep up with the slowly backwards joggingCHRIS, JERRY and his wife come into frame, jogging together,and pass TOM easily.

JERRYHi Tom! Hi Chris!

CHRISHi there!

14.

TOMWhat?! No, I can't let Jerry be abetter jogger than I am. Let's pickup the pace, Chris!

CHRISOkay!

CHRIS begins to jog faster backwards and TOM picks up hispace. For a moment, he catches up to JERRY, but thencollapses onto the grass beside the sidewalk.

TOMI can't do it! Jerry's a secretsuperhuman!

CHRIS watches as TOM writhes on the grass, then turns to thecamera, bemused.

EXT. PAWNEE NEIGHBORHOOD - EVENING

ANDY is walking down the sidewalks in a surbuban area ofPAWNEE with his acoustic guitar. ANN, APRIL, and RON arewith him.

TALKING HEAD RON

RONPersonally, I don't like beingbothered by somebody knocking on mydoor, but that's why my home is notaccessible by foot or sedan. What Ido like is the individual initiativethat makes this country great andknocking on doors is a great exampleof that.

END TALKING HEAD

ANNDo you think this is going to work,Andy?

APRIL(Mimicking Ann)

Do you think this is going to work,Andy?

(End mimicking)

ANDYYeah! It's kind of like caroling. People love carolers.

15.

ANN Yeah, but carolers don't usually askfor money.

ANDYBut they do get hot chocolatesometimes and you know somethingabout hot chocolate? It costs money.

ANDY walks up to a door and APRIL rings the doorbell. Abald overweight shirtless man answers.

BALD MANWhat?

ANDY goes into singing a song with his guitar.

ANDYHello there, sir, I don't mean tobother you. But if I sang you a song, would yougive me a buck or two? I'm pursuing my dreams of becoming arock star. And with some of your money, I couldget real far!

The BALD MAN shuts his door. ANDY turns to the camera andsmiles.

ANDY (CONT'D)I bet I can get to the chorus beforethe next person shuts the door!

The BALD MAN opens the door, leans out and takes away ANDY'Spick, he slams the door again.

ANDY (CONT'D)That was my only pick.

INT. JJ'S DINER - MORNING

MARCIA, MARSHALL, LESLIE and BEN are sitting in a boothtogether.

LESLIEThank you for meeting me here.

MARCIA:I'd say I was happy to, but I don'tparticularly care for this place'scode of conduct. There's a littletoo much fruit on the menu, if youknow what I'm saying.

16.

An effeminate waiter passes them, MARSHALL is ogling him.

LESLIEWell, this is the greatest restaurantin the world. Anyway, I know we'renot going to agree on everything,but I think we might be able to unitefor a common good.

MARCIA:Oh, so you've decided to come aroundto the right side of morality.

LESLIEI don't know if it's-- Whatever,sure. I just so happen to agreewith you that I think Mr. Heckins isshowing the students inappropriatematerial.

MARCIA:Praise the lord! Leslie Knope hasseen the light. You and I will be aforce to be reckoned with. Together,we can stop that man from showingsuch disgusting material.

LESLIERight? I mean, I can't believe ahigh school teacher would think thatit's acceptable to show the Saw moviesin an educational environment.

MARCIA:What? What do you mean?

LESLIEThe Saw movies. That's what you'reupset about, right?

MARCIA:No, of course not. We need to stophim from showing Bedknobs andBroomsticks!

LESLIE *(In Unison)

What?

BEN(In Unison )

What?

17.

MARCIA:Leslie, the Saw movies are wonderful. We show them in Sunday school. Imean, what better way to supplementthe teaching of the Old Testamentthan watching a bunch of sinnersbeing tortured in horrible ways?

BEN and LESLIE ponder this.

BENThat... actually makes sense.

MARCIA:Bedknobs and Broomsticks is the trueevil those young souls are beingexposed to. That film is nothingbut a glorification of witchcraft.

LESLIE is at a loss for words. She then slams her fistsdown on the table.

LESLIEHas the whole word gone crazy?!

INT. PAWNEE GYM - EVENING

TOM and CHRIS are in a weight room together.

CHRISMaybe you'll have a better chance atfree weights. Let's start with lowweights and high reps.

TOMWhat does that mean?

CHRISIt means you're going to lift a loweramount of weight and do a highernumber of repetitions of liftingthat weight.

TOM stares blankly.

CHRIS (CONT'D)Here, just lie down on that bench.

TOM looks around.

TOMWhat bench? There's not a bench inhere.

CHRIS leans down and touches the weight bench.

18.

CHRISThis bench.

TOMThat's not a bench!

CHRISJust lie down on it.

TOM lies awkwardly on it, CHRIS retrieves two 20 pound weightsfrom the rack. He holds them for TOM.

CHRIS (CONT'D)Okay, why don't you start off doing20 repetitions?

TOMOkay.

CHRIS releases his grip and TOM immediately drops both ofthem to his left and flips off the bench.

CHRISAre you okay?!

TOMI thought you were holding onto them!

CHRISI was, but then I let go.

TOMWhy would you do that?

Suddenly JERRY walks into frame to help TOM.

JERRYTom, are you okay, buddy?

TOMYeah, I'm fine, Jerry. How long haveyou even been here?

JERRYAbout an hour. I'm just finishingup my workout.

TOMWell, stop distracting me from mine!

JERRYAll right, sorry, Tom.

JERRY resumes his bench pressing in the corner. He is liftingover 350 pounds quickly without a sweat.

19.

TOM and CHRIS do not notice.

TOM(Whiny)

I'm never gonna get swole!

INT. SCHOOL DISTRICT BUILDING - AFTERNOON

LESLIE is standing at the microphone speaking to BOB andKAREN, with MARCIA on the other side, also at a microphone.

LESLIEWe need to prevent our students fromseeing gruesome snuff films. Theseare sixteen year olds and it's atleast another year before they shouldbe seeing something like that.

MARCIA:The SAW films are educational. Theyteach good behavior in young children. Bedknobs and Broomsticks is invitingSatan into the classroom.

BOBSo let me get this straight. You'reboth trying to stop them from showingmovies in the classroom, justdifferent movies?

MARCIA & LESLIEYes!

BOBWell, there's only one way to solvethis. Karen, give me my coin.

KAREN takes out a bag and pulls out a novelty coin fromKnott's Berry Farm.

BOB (CONT'D)Marcia, call it in the air.

LESLIEAre you kidding me?

BOB flips the coin.

MARCIA:Heads!

BOBHeads it is! We will send a noticeto Mr. Heckins to stop showingBedknobs and Broomsticks.

20.

LESLIENo!

LESLIE turns to Ben

LESLIE (CONT'D)What are we going to do?

BENI, uh... Wait a minute.

BEN stands up and directs his focus to MARCIA.

BEN (CONT'D)MARCIA! Tell me again why you lovethe SAW movies.

MARCIA:Oh, well, that's easy. It lines upwith teachings of the Bible. If youare a sinner, then you will pay foryour sins with torment and death.

BENSo you would say the movies areinviting God into the classroom?

MARCIA:Absolutely!

BEN turns to the schoolboard.

BENIf what MARCIA says is true, thenthe SAW movies are religiously themedand cannot be shown in a publicschool.

BEAT

BOB:I'm afraid he's right, MARCIA. Theclassroom must remain secular. LESLIE, we'll make sure the screeningof SAW movies ceases immediately.

MARCIA:NOOOOOOOOO!

LESLIEYes! You wonderful man!

LESLIE kisses BEN joyously.

21.

INT. BAR - NIGHT

ANDY is up at the microphone with his guitar. APRIL, ANN,DONNA and JERRY are in the audience.

ANDY All right, everybody, I only have anhour left in my Kickstarter campaignand I still need four thousand dollarsto meet my goal. I think we can doit! My beautiful wife April has acomputer right over here so you canmake a donation if my music movesyou to give me money.

ANDY begins playing a song. Nobody walks over to donate.

INT. PAWNEE GYM - EVENING

TOM is sitting, defeated, on a machine. CHRIS looks down athim like Legolas not understanding on the concept of death.

TOMI hate this so much. I'm just notgood at any of this stuff. The gymjust isn't for me.

CHRISTom, fitness takes a long terminvestment. You're not going to bebenching your goal weight right atthe beginning.

TOMReally? You weren't amazing rightat the beginning? You had to workat it?

CHRIS hesitates.

TOM (CONT'D)Aw, man! Why can't I just step intoit and be a natural like you?

CHRISYou just need to find your niche.

TOMMy niche is swag, apparel andextravagant lifestyle... It's notsweating out my will to live on astairmaster.

22.

CHRISWell, uh, what about jump roping?

CUT TO:

INT. PAWNEE GYM - EVENING

TOM is jump roping. He is doing it with relative success.

CHRISThere you go! Try it a little faster.

TOM picks up the speed.

CHRIS (CONT'D)All right! Great job, Tom!

TOM continually increases the speed.

TOMI'm like the flash, baby!

CHRISIt looks like we may have just foundyour--

TOM messes up the pace of the plastic rope and it smacks himin the face.

TOMOwwww!

He wails and throws down the jump rope.

CHRISOh no.

INT. BAR - EVENING

There has been little to no activity. ANDY continues singing. LESLIE and BEN walk into the bar. She speaks to ANN.

LESLIEHow are things going with thecampaign?

ANNNot so great.

APRIL stands up and shouts to the inactive people at thebar.

APRILCome on, people! Why are youshattering my husband's dreams?!

23.

LESLIE looks at APRIL, concerned.

LESLIEOh, this is making me so sad. Italmost makes me want to see if wecan find room in the city budget toprovide grants to artists.

CUT TO:

INT. RON'S HOUSE - NIGHT

RON is sitting next to his wife, DIANE, carving a small boat,when he suddenly shudders like Obi-Wan Kenobi.

DIANERon, are you all right?

RONI... I just felt as if hundreds oftaxpayers were about to cry out inanger as thousands of dollars werewasted.

DIANEWhat?

RONI need to use the computer.

RON goes down to his basement, pulls a dirty cloth off anApple computer that looks like it came from the early '90s,turns it on and boots up a 28.8K modem.

INT. BAR - NIGHT

She looks down at the KICKSTARTER screen and sees it suddenlyread GOAL MET - 7,000 dollars.

APRILWhoa! Somebody just donated 4,000dollars!

ANDY stops singing. ANN, APRIL, LESLIE, BEN, JERRY and DONNAall erupt into cheers and begin clapping.

ANDYWhat?! That's awesome! Okay, thanks,everyone. I'm done.

ANDY immediately hops off stage to run over and check thecomputer. The bartender yells at ANDY

24.

BARTENDERHey! Get back up there. We don'thave any other acts scheduled tonight.

ANDYOh, sorry.

ANDY walks back up on stage.

EXT. RON'S HOUSE - NIGHT

Establishing shot

INT. RON'S HOUSE - NIGHT

RON is putting his wallet back in his pocket, sitting at hiscomputer.

RON TALKING HEAD

RONMaybe a handout isn't so bad if I'mnot being forced to hand it out.

INT. PAWNEE GYM - DAY

CHRIS is standing proudly watching TOM, who has elastic bandsand is doing goofy-looking workouts.

CHRISWe finally found his strength.

TOMJust call me Stretch Armstrong, baby. Gonna be swole in no time.

TOM begins stretching out the bands, but steps off it and itcomes up and whips him in the face.

INT. LESLIE & BEN'S HOME - EVENING

LESLIE TALKING HEAD

LESLIEI set out to take a stand againstcensorship and I ended up taking astand against tastelessness.

The TV is on in the background with BEN watching.

25.

BENLeslie! You're going to miss thepart when the trap snaps shut on hishead.

LESLIEOh, that? Well, we decided to havemovie night and BEN was in the moodto watch Saw II.

SHOT OF LESLIE and BEN watching the movie. BEN is laughingwhile eating popcorn as LESLIE watches, disgusted, throughher fingers.

LESLIE (V.O.) (CONT'D)I wanted to watch Bedknobs andBroomsticks, but we decided to flipa coin.

LESLIE TALKING HEAD

LESLIE (CONT'D)I really don't like that method ofdeciding things.

END TALKING HEAD

END