Painting with Participles

Many authors say that writers need

to show a story rather than tell a

story—or paint a picture of words,

like creating a literal virtual reality.

An amateur tells a story, and a pro

writer shows a story.

The amateur writes: “Bill was nervous.”

The pro writes: “Bill sat in the dentist’s

waiting room, peeling the skin at the edge

of his thumb, until the raw, red flesh

began to show. Biting the torn cuticle, he

ripped it away, and sucked at the warm

sweetness of his own blood.”

Which one can you picture in your mind?

No one has to tell the reader that Bill

is nervous. The reader can watch the

images unfold and make conclusions

as if he or she can actually see Bill do

those things in the waiting room.

Just like in painting, it takes

technique to truly paint an image

with words.

Today, we are going to “paint” with

participles.

Painting with Participles

A participle is a form of a verb that can act

as an adjective—or, more simply, is a verb

with an –ed or –ing ending that describes a

noun or pronoun in the sentence.

We are focusing on participles that describe

the subject of a sentence.

Original sentence: The diamond-scaled snakes attacked their prey.

Revised sentence with a few participles: Hissing, slithering, and coiling, the diamond-scaled snakes attacked their prey.

Another revised sentence with participles and modifiers : Hissing their forked red tongues and coiling their cold bodies, the diamond-scaled snakes attacked their prey.

Participles by Suzanne Collins in The Hunger

Games

Concealed by a clump of bushes, I flatten out my belly and slide under a two-foot stretch that’s been loose for years.

The fireball hits a tree off to my left, engulfing it in flames.

I know I need to keep moving, but I’m trembling and light-headed now, gasping for air.

He leans down and rips the bandage off his leg, eliminating the final barrier between his blood and the earth.

Participles Painted by Students

Flying through the air on the wings of a dream, the

Olympic long jumper thrust the weight of his whole

body forward.—Cathleen Conry

The rhino, caught in the tangled rope, looked for

freedom.—Erika Schreckengost

Melody froze, dripping with sweat, hoping with all

her might that they wouldn’t hear the noise. –Becky

Swab

The clown, appearing bright and cheerful, smiled and

did his act with unusual certainty for someone who had

just killed a man.—Christi Flick

Reminders Participles and participial phrases are “extra” descriptions.

The sentence without them must be complete.

A lot of times they are set off by commas.

Your Turn

Choose a suspenseful topic to write about (haunted house, the woods at night, murders in ATTWN, etc.)

Paint your sentences with participles and participle phrases.

Underline each participle/phrase used in your writing.

Write at least 3 sentences with participle phrases.

You will turn all 3 sentences in.

Examples 1. Lost and frightened, I searched for any sign of

help in the woods.

2. I stopped, frozen in time, as I listened to the

whisper of crunching leaves.

3. My predator, breathing heavily, watching me,

was getting closer.

You will then choose “YOUR REALLY GOOD, THE

ABSOLUTELY BEST ONE EVER” to paint on the bulletin

paper.

Directions for Graffiti

Choose your best sentence with a participle phrase.

Write that sentence on your group’s paper.

Underline the participle phrase in your sentence.

Draw an illustration of your sentence. Use color.

You may be creative and artistic, but you also need to be

neat.

Resources

Noden, Harry R. Image Grammar. Portsmouth: Heinemann,

1999.