Non-verbal communication

Metacommunication and Paralanguage

Non-verbal communication is anything other than words that communicates a message.

The way we stand, walk, shrug our shoulders; the clothes we wear, the car we drive, or the office we occupy; all communicate ideas to others.

All these things which we take into account in interpreting what someone is saying, over and the actual words, are referred to as ‘metacommunication’.

‘meta’ is Greek and means ‘beyond or ‘in addition’; hence, metacommunication is something ‘in addition to communication’.

However, if you get additional communication from the inflection of her voice, then she communicated this by means of what we call ‘paralanguage’.

Frequently paralanguage conveys the opposite of the words themselves.

When this happens, we usually pick up the meaning of the paralanguage rather than the language being used

‘its not what he says, but the way he says it’.

Non-verbal channels are the ones which seem to be least aware in ourselves, but most aware in others

lets have a look at the non-verbal language of

-silence -time and -body language

The language of Silence

You think you have made a fabulous speech and you ask your audience to ask any questions – there is pin-drop silence in the hall. How do you feel?

“silence is golden’, so the saying goes, but is it?

A long period of silence may be golden for some people in certain circumstances, but at times it can be embarrassing and even rude

It could be boredom, rejection, disagreement, total satisfaction,…very ambiguous!

We are social creatures and our society is made up of responses to each other. We keep on seeking reassurances

One of the cruelest social punishments is ‘solitary confinement’

Silence builds walls- and walls are barriers to communication.

At times silence can bean effective technique in encouraging feedback, or a real two-way communication

Silence is a powerful tool of communication, but it must be used skillfully

The language of Time

It is easy to assume that we all experience time in much the same way

After all an hour is an hourYet time is experienced differently by

different nationalities, societies, and cultures.

There is a Christian calendar, Muslim calendar, Hindu calendar and so on

Even in the same culture different communities will divide time into different time periods.

Different businesses have different weeks, seasons.

Different professions have different time scales

Markets, schools/colleges, tourist seasons, courts, agriculture…

Different people attach different value to time

‘one minute’, ‘never’, ‘as soon as possible’, ‘let’s call it a day’,

For some 9a.m. is sharp 9a.m. while for the others it could be 10a.m., or 11a.m. or even later

Time is also used to show eagerness, interest, enthusiasm, attitude, seriousness…

There are cultural differences in the uses of time, which a business traveler should be aware of

At luncheon meetings the business is discussed either before, during, or after depending on that country’s culture

Local customs, cultures, manners, etiquettes and such, vary from place to place, caste, creed, religion, income, education, lifestyles, social status… the variances are too many

Body language or kinesics

A favorite sport of many people is ‘people watching’ or, Desmond Morris has called his very popular book, ‘manwatching’

What do you do when you are waiting on a railway platform, alone or at a busy doctors clinic…

Possibly you can’t hear, so you are actually listening/hearing/reading their body language

Whether we are aware of it or not, each of us spends a lot of time decoding body language, or as it also known as ‘kinesics’

The non-verbal communications often come through louder than the words that are actually being spoken and are frequently the means by which we reveal the emotional side of our communications.

The non-verbal messages of a speaker tend to reveal the degree of presence of sincerity, conviction, honesty, ability and knowledge; they reveal, too, a lot about the speaker and their attitude and feelings about the message they are transmitting.

Body language of the receiver also reveals a lot about them and their feelings

But, more important, it frequently tells the speaker the extent to which their audience is accepting or not accepting the message.

In other words, body language provides instant feedback to the speaker and tells them how they are doing.

It is needless to state that to be a good body language reader you have to sharpen your powers of observation

Space

Before we try to understand the movements of the various parts of the body, we should first examine our attitude to the space in which that movement takes place.

Just the way silence and time speak, so does space.

Not only does space affect the way we communicate, but we use space to communicate

Each of us have space we feel is our own

‘the three bears’ story examples

Boss’s room/chairMom and dad’s bedroomJuniors hostelP.G. classLadies lineMembers enclosure…

Space and status

Your room- boss’s roomSmall car- big car1bhk-3bhkNapean sea road- DharaviLLIM- IIM-A

Territory

Seashore- towelTrain seat- hankyTable no. 1Front/back bench

Assignment

How do you in a hypothetical situation stake your claim on a particular territory?

How do you feel when people invade into your territory?

Personal space

Intimate distancePersonal distanceSocial distancePublic distance

Touch

Touch is probably the earliest form of communication and still is. However , society/cultures/surroundings/upbringing…bring in inhibitions

Orientation and posture

We can influence communication and signal our attitude not just by our proximity to others but by the position and posture we adopt.

Body language or kinesics

ExerciseLook at the drawings on the

board. Which of the following adjectives describes which posture?

• Angry

AloofAshamedCasualDescribingDominatingDoubtfulImpatientModestQuestioningangry

SadSelf-consciousResignedSelf-satisfiedShySurprisedSuspiciousUndecidedUninterested

Psychologists findings

Posture 1UninterestedDescribingResignedDoubtfulQuestioning

Posture2Self-satisfiedImpatientDescribingCasualAngry

Posture 3ShySelf-consciousAshamedModestSad

Posture 4SurprisedDominatingSuspiciousUndecidedAloof

Head nodsWe shake our heads up and down or

from one side to anotherIn some instances it is done at different

speedsThere are many reasons and

implicationsCould be a yes, no, go on, I want to

intervene and speak, encouragement, disagreement, agreement and so on…

Facial expressionsOf all body movements, facial expressions are

the ones we are most able to controlA person’s face provides a commentary on

the reactions- surprise, disbelief, agreement, disappointment, anger and so on

At times there is a mis-match between the verbal words and facial expressions

If this is combined with body movements it becomes that much more complimented

Eye movements

In contrast to other body signals, movements of the eyes have an effect quite out of proportion to the physical effort exerted

Some eye movements are quite uncontrollable but nevertheless send out very strong messages which we receive almost without being aware of them.

They perform many functions…

To indicate interest

When two people are engaged in conversation they look each other in the eye intermittently

Usually each looks between 25 and 75 percent of the time

The glances vary in length but we tend to look twice as much while listening as while talking

The amount of look is related to the amount and kind of interest; if we are interested in someone or what they are saying we will look at them, whereas we will tend to direct our gaze away if we are uninterested

At times, long periods of looking may indicate a desire for intimacy

When a general glance in a train or a lift or a public place becomes a second glance and then a stare it means more than just a passing interest

To gain feedback

People look primarily to obtain information: to get reactions, to gauge their interests

Believability, truth, confidence and such things get justified

To synchronies speech

Eye movements, like head nods and grunts, are also used to synchronies speech.

They need to see how the other person is reacting, thereby continue with modifications if necessary