Nine Points of Assertive Communication

Introduction: Inadequate communication skills have been identified as a deficit that many people struggle with. Communication can affect a person at school, at work or within a family unit. Before this lesson is taught a student should have a clear understanding of self esteem. Students should also have been taught about verbal and non-verbal communication.

After the lesson the students can be involved in role playing. Another activity would be to give the student scenarios and have them use the nine points of assertive communication to resolve the conflict.

Nine Points of Assertive Communication

Use Polite Words

Call a person by their name

Use appropriate words: “excuse me”“thank you”“I appreciate it”

Begin sentences with “I” (instead of “you”)

Begin with “I” when ever possible, followed by the word that best states the problem clearly:

“I think…”“I noticed…”“I didn’t like…”“I am concerned about…”

Using “you” puts the other person on the defensive.

Say what you want

Don’t leave the other person in the dark

Show initiative

Let the person know your goal or possible solution

Where appropriate: Describe your feelings

This may only be appropriate with family or friends

Ask how they are feeling

Criticize the behavior, not the person

Don’t put the person down

Focus on their behavior when communicating

Instead of ”Your too slow!” say “I don’t think you are doing your share of the work.”

If you did it, Admit it

If you make a mistake admit it

If you are accused of something, own up to any part you actually did

We all make mistakes

Repeat the problem back

Keep on track

If other topics are introduced. Repeat the problem back

This indicates that you want to solve the original problem first

You can talk about other problems later

Compromise

Give something; take something

It’s not a war that you have to win

Be interested in solving the problem

Give and take

Make a commitment

Everyone has a clear understanding:Answer: who, what, when, where, how much, how many

For example: Who’s going to do what?When are they going to do it?

A commitment is a promise