May Free Chapter - Steal My Sunshine by Emily Gale

7/30/2019 May Free Chapter - Steal My Sunshine by Emily Gale

1/15

Copyright Emily Gale 2013. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced,

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http://www.randomhouse.com.au/books/emily-gale/steal-my-sunshine-9781742758497.aspx


2/15

1

one

The morning it started Mum freaked out about

the Christmas tree.

It had been thirty degrees most of the night and

I wasnt sure if Id been asleep for any of it. I could

tell from the safety of my bedroom that Mum had

woken up foul: heavy footsteps in the kitchen,

cupboard doors slammed, the dishwasher drawers

yanked out and rammed in again. When I walked

into the living room the floors were already baking

underneath the sloping glass roof. The air-con

remote was in the fruit bowl on the kitchen table.

I pressed the button, hoping it would cool Mum

down, and kept my distance.



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3/15

2

There was toast in the rack and everything

else set out. Dad was up and dressed, watchingthe scene in his usual way without saying a word.

He winked at me, but there was no smile. When

Sam walked in I tried to give him a warning sign

but, after he stuck his finger deep into the peanut

butter I was about to use, I decided not to bother.It didnt matter anyway it was me Mum was

going for, I just didnt know it yet.

Id tiptoed around her for half an hour when it

finally came out.

Its almost February, thats what it is. Sheslammed another cupboard door.

So what? I said.

So we were supposed to take down the

Christmas decorations a month ago. Its bad luck

and god knows we could do without that.

Dad walked out of the kitchen and Sam turned

up the volume on the TV.

Take them down then.

I cant, Im late for work.

I shrugged. Leave it till later. Does it really

matter?

Not to you, Im sure. Do you ever do anything

to clean up around here? Mum smacked a box of



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4/15

3

porridge oats so hard on the kitchen bench that

they flew out the top. Did I have to smirk at that?Of course it was what she wanted. Now she

could really let go.

Mum stormed around the kitchen bench and

swept the breakfast jars up from the table with one

arm the giant Vegemite that Sam got throughevery week, Dads blueberry jam and probably

our last ever jar of peanut butter, because last

week shed read an article about peanuts being

poison. She paused for a moment and then with

the other arm she swept away my plate and knifeand the trail of toast crumbs, and they shattered

all over the floor. I stood there in shock. This was

a new level for her.

Youve totally lost it, Mum, you know that?

Can you blame me?

Whats your problem? The trees been there

for two months and you havent said a word. Why

are you going all schitz on us now?

She dumped the jars on the bench and pulled

her hair back so her face went tight, her eyes

crazy-wide.

Youre breaking stuff, for gods sake, I went

on, wishing Id never started. Going back to school



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5/15

4

tomorrow was no longer the worst option. At least

the routine kept us out of each others way.I looked over at Sam but he had his eyes on the

TV and his little finger in his ear, picking out wax

or shutting us out, or both. Mum was back with

the dustpan and brush, noisily sweeping up shards

of plate. I sat back down but kept my chair a littleway from the table.

And go check on Essie, she snapped. Essie

was my grandmother.

I was meant to see Chloe. Mum, come on.

I looked down the hallway for Dad. What was hethinking, deserting us when she was acting like

this?

You saw Chloe last night. Youll see her

tomorrow and every day. Its always Chloe,

Chloe, bloody Chloe! Mum neverswore. Shes

bad news.

Not this again. Ill take down your stupid

decorations, okay?

She slammed the fridge door, grabbed her huge

bunch of keys and unhooked her handbag from the

chair I was sitting on. Then she put her mouth

by my ear but she didnt whisper, not even close.

The decorations andEssie. I flinched and held



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6/15

5

my ear. I cant do everything. As she walked

around me and down the hallway she called out,You too, Sam.

My brother pressed the off button on the

remote and rolled his head back on the sofa.

Great. Nice one, Hannah.

I looked at the dead-straight boughs of the faketree Id put together with Dad seven weeks ago.

Fine, I thought, Ill do one thing you ask, but not

the other.

We rang the bell but Essie wasnt answering.

I opened the screen door, knocked on the glass

panel and called her name. My voice started out

high and sweet the way youd sing to a baby but,

as the minutes passed and there was still no sign

of life, it turned to a yell. The look Sam gave me,

as we stood in the shade of Essies porch while the

sun fried the grass out front, said it all.

Get the spare key, I said. Essie kept it taped

inside her letterbox even though Mum had told

her a thousand times it was just asking for trouble.

Lets just go. Well tell Mum Essie didnt

answer. She can deal with it. My brother, the



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7/15

6

hero. He didnt love Essie like I did. Even so,

I wished I could go along with his idea, but a badfeeling was burning holes in my gut.

Dont be a wuss. I meant that for both of

us, and went to the letterbox. The key fell into

my hands as if it had been just about to drop off

anyway; the sticky tape brown and dry. WhenI saw three newspapers in the overgrown grass

I was sure it was another sign that something

was wrong. Essie was a creature of habit and her

newspapers were the only reason shed stepped

outside her front door in years. She never went aday without them.

I gathered them up and cradled them, warm

against my skin. Then I knocked loudly on the

front window even though I knew there was no

point Essie never used that room.

Back on the porch I pushed the papers against

Sam and started to speak but he cut me off.

Bloody hell. Whats the old bat done now?

Sam! She could be I didnt need to finish.

Not all of Essies habits were as innocent as

reading the paper. She was reedy and only up to

my shoulder, but the way she got through a bottle

of gin had worried us for years. Wed known this





8/15

7

day was coming. The thing was, we didnt all feel

the same way about it.She could be asleep, he said. Essie didnt sleep

and Sam knew it. Mum said you couldnt knock

her out with horse pills. Tiny as she was, Essie was

on some kind of constant alert, even after six or

seven gins.I stood there holding the screen door open.

It had to be nearly forty degrees out here already

and Essies house didnt have aircon. I stroked

the grooves of the key with my thumb, biding my

time, and thought about all the times Essie hadstarted a conversation with the words When Im

dead . . .. Shed say things like that just to get a

reaction. In that way, and in others, Essie was like

a child. Thats why Mum hated her. It was also

one of the reasons I loved her.

Sam took a deep breath and puffed it out.

Youre scared, I said.

As if. Its just stinking hot.

Well, I am.

Just get it over with. He waved his arm

towards the door but looked away across the

street. Ive got stuff to do. Mum shouldnt even

make us come here any more.





9/15

8

My hands were shaking but the key and the lock

melted into each other.The smell of Essies house was something youd

forget until the moment you stepped into it again.

Then it felt like the most familiar smell in the world.

It was old wood and dusty fabric, cigarettes and

the musky perfume she always wore. I dropped thekey into a tin dish on the sideboard and it echoed

in the silence. Slowly my eyes adjusted from the

glare of outside, the shapes of the dark hallway

beginning to make sense.

Essie? I called.I went first, taking small steps along the hallway

runner, olive green and worn down to nothing in

the middle. All the times Essie said she wasnt

well rushed into my head, along with all the

times Mum had shouted at her for lying. Sam and

I didnt know about any of Essies lies, we were

just supposed to believe Mum.

I passed the good room on the left where

everything was in its place. Essies square table:

you only had to look at it to give Essie an excuse

to tell you for the hundredth time that it was made

by Parker. Everyone had them in those days but

Essie was the first on the street. Shed say, Worth





10/15

9

a fortune now. Dont murder me in my bed for

it, will you, darlings? I never knew what to say toEssies jokes.

The table was from the 1960s the decade

Mum said Essie had dug her heels into. The four

chairs had yellow padding that used to wheeze

when we sat on them, the plastic sealed onto ourbare legs on scorching afternoons. Not that wed

sat on them for ages. Family meals had been crossed

off the list years ago and I was the only one who

wanted them back, which didnt count for much.

Sam poked me in the back and we went on,past Essies bedroom where the bed was unmade.

That was nothing unusual. Mum always used to

pull the door shut as she passed by, back when

shed visit Essie with us instead of sending us on

our own like missionaries.

I cant breathe in here, said Sam. Why didnt

she ever get aircon? As if it were too late now.

Sshh, I heard something. But it was only

the click and hum of the fridge as we came to

the kitchen. The bathroom door was open too.

Empty. There was only one other room in the

house straight ahead, and that was where I knew

shed be.





11/15

10

Jesus, look at this place. Sam had stepped into

the kitchen and was looking at the table piled highwith used cups and plates. That mess was normal

too. He circled it, his lip turned up. I suppose

he was doing Mums job of picking at Essie over

stupid little things. As if his own bedroom didnt

need to be condemned.Sam turned on the old overhead fan and took

his time adjusting the speed, looking up at it as if his

testosterone levels made him perfect for that

particular job. I knew he was just stalling. I knew

he couldnt handle any of this and that hed feelashamed because he was two years older and a boy.

Ill go in by myself then, I said. He didnt

reply.

That was when my own fear stepped up a beat

my heart was a wind-up metronome set to a

frantic rhythm. I took the smallest steps into the

room, feeling and smelling things more sharply

than ever but not letting my eyes stay on a single

object for too long. Heat danced on my skin and

the deep carpet seemed to reach into my thongs

and brush against my toes.

The back of Essies chair faced me. The TV

was off and the light was dim. The red curtains





12/15

11

were drawn at the far end of the room, a shaft of

light shining a pathway to a red pool on the rugby the coffee table, fed by a delicate drip . . . drip

. . . drip.

It was an upturned bottle. I crouched to pick

it up, keeping my back to where Essie would be.

Red Baroness nail polish, the one Id bought herfor Christmas. I held still to stop the film of tears

over my eyes from spilling over, and set the bottle

down. I wanted time to stretch out, to spare me

the difference between having a hunch that Essie

was dead and knowing it for sure.But I could sense her. I knew she was there.

Maybe I could just pretend Id looked. Sam was

still in the kitchen. Hannah? he called hesitantly.

We dont have to do this. Its not our job.

I let my eyes creep across the carpet to her

stockinged feet. Then a little further up until I

saw her bony hands resting on her lap. Her black

onyx teardrop ring, a black silk shirt buttoned to

the loose skin of her neck a large bow tied there

and, finally, up to her face. Essies eyes were

half-open, staring into a space that was somewhere

between this room and wherever she was now.

Wherever people go.





13/15

12

Shes here, Sam. Was that my voice?

It sounded separate to the rest of me. Sam sworeand his shoes squeaked on the lino. I heard him

walk down the hallway, dialling a number on his

phone. Not triple-0. Mum.

I stayed there beside her, looking at her hands.

Essie, I whispered. Thats what she liked usto call her, not Granny or Nana, which made her

feel old.

My body was suddenly shivering even though

it was stifling in there. I kept looking at her nails,

and thought how like her it was to be paintingthem when she died. Shed always been immacu-

late red lips and nails, a shock of white hair. She

had hundreds of bottles of nail polish. What would

happen to them now? Mum wouldnt want them,

or want me to have them, and maybe I didnt want

them anyway. Why was I even thinking about

that? Essie was here and probably warm and

Jesus I felt sick and dry-retched. I couldnt even

stand up. The adrenalin made my body judder and

spasm. I was on the other side of blind panic now,

the fallout had begun. A faraway spot in my brain

told me coldly that this was shock.

Essie. Essie.



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14/15

13

We werent going to grieve for her like a normal

family would, I knew that. Mum would be angry ifI cried too much for her. Sam would join in because

he collected excuses not to show emotion, and

Dad never thought she was anything to do with

him. But I was going to miss her. She was the sort

of person whod leave a massive hole in your lifeno matter how you felt about her.

Mums not answering, Sam called from the

front of the house.

Having Mum here would change everything.

Youll have to get her, I said.Shes at work.

I waited for him to get it in his own time.

Yeah, okay, he said. Come on then.

Im staying. I couldnt believe Id just

said that.

Why? He was angry, probably pissed off

because he still hadnt stepped foot in this room.

That just made me more determined. I didnt

want to be outside with him where he could say

anything he liked about her.

When the front door slammed, I flinched.

I had to do something. There was a teacup not

quite on its saucer, a plate of toast crusts and an



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15/15

14

overflowing ashtray I took them to the kitchen,

stepped on the lever of the pedal bin and chuckedin the crusts and the ash. When the lid slammed

shut I closed my eyes.

Here, Hannah darling, give me your crusts.

Mum says I have to eat them.Sshh. What she doesnt know wont hurt her.

Essie had always been on my side.

Every breath was short and quick as I started

to clean up the mess in the kitchen. I couldnthave Mum or the ambos or whoever showed up

thinking badly of her. My hands were shaking

as I held the washing-up liquid upside down

and watched as if nothing else mattered but the

last of it sliding down the sides of the bottle. With

my other hand I yanked the old tap and the water

drummed hard against the steel as I picked up the

first teacup.

Thats when she called my name.



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May Free Chapter - Steal My Sunshine by Emily Gale