Ghislaine Guerard, Ph.D.

Mastering theConflict GameGetting Ahead by Exploringthe Hidden Life of Organizations

EDITIONS YVON BLAISA THOMSON COMPANY

TABLE OF CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION 1

SECTION 1 : KNOW YOURSELF AND OTHERS 9

CHAPTER 1 • Emotions and Conflict 11

UNDERSTAND YOUR OWN EMOTIONS f . . . . 13

How Strong and Persistent Are the Emotions? 15

Is the Conflict an Isolated Incident? 15

How Important Is the Relationship? 16

BE^SENSITIVE TO OTHERS' EMOTIONS 17

EMOTIONS LINKED TO CONFLICT AND THEIR TRIGGERS . . 18

Love 18

Love For Your Work or Cause 18

Friendship 19

Romantic Love 20

Joy 20

Sadness, Depression and Hopelessness 21

Shame and Guilt 22

Anger 22

XI

XII MASTERING THE CONFLICT GAME

Fear (Alarm, Anxiety, Worry) 24

Hatred 24

FEEL YOUR EMOTIONS AND IDENTIFY

THE SITUATION THAT TRIGGERED THEM 26

Emotions and How They Manifest Themselves 26

Emotional Triggers: Events and People 29

Emotions and Their Causes 32

CHAPTER 1 SUMMARY 35

TO PRESERVE YOUR MENTAL HEALTH 37

CHAPTER 2 • Conflict Styles 41

COMPETING 451

The Strong Leader 47

The Autocrat 48

The Activist 49

The Bully j 50

COLLABORATING 53

The Democrat 53

The Relationship Builder 54

The Subverter 55

The Procrastinator 56

AVOIDING 56

The Strategist 57

TABLE OF CONTENTS XIII

The Avoider 57

ACCOMMODATING 58

The Good Natured r 58

The Doormat 59

TAKE A GOOD LOOK AT YOUR STYLES 59

Roles and Styles 60

Emotions and Styles 63

Behaviors and Styles 65

People and Styles 68

Competitive 69

Collaborative 70

CHAPTER 2 SUMMARY 71

TO PRESERVE YOUR MENTAL HEALTH 73

SECTION 2 : KNOW YOUR ORGANIZATION ANDCOLLEAGUES 79

CHAPTER 3 • Analyzing Informal Networks with SNAPs. . 81

THE INFORMAL STRUCTURES AND

HOW YOU IDENTIFY THEM 83

MAPPING INFORMAL STRUCTURES WITH SNAPS 84

To Make a SNAP 84

Positive 86

Negative 86

SNAP of St. Timothy Parish 87

XIV MASTERING THE CONFLICT GAME

GETTING THE INFORMATION YOU NEED 88

If You Don't Know the Workplace 88

Question Your New Boss 8'8

Socialize and Observe 89

Take Notes 90

Listen 91

Ask Subtle Questions 92

Wait 92

Building a SNAP When You've Been Around for Awhile . . . 93

Max the Manager: He Didn't Take the Cliques IntoAccount! 93

Cassie the Scapegoat 96

PROBLEMS LINKED TO INFORMAL STRUCTURES 99

Favoritism 99

Ostracizing 3 100

Bullying 101

'Cliques 101

Concentration of Power 102

Irrational Decision Making 103

Decisions Made in Bars, Restaurants and Bathrooms . . 103

CHAPTER 3 SUMMARY 104

TO PRESERVE YOUR MENTAL HEALTH 105

TABLE OF CONTENTS XV

CHAPTER 4 • Interests, Territories and Conflict 109

TERRITORY 110

INTERESTS ~\ .111

Needs, Wants and Interests 112

A Hierarchy of Interests - 113

Conflict Specific Interests 115

CHAPTER 4 SUMMARY . 1213

TO PRESERVE YOUR MENTAL HEALTH 122

CHAPTER 5 • Culture and Conflict 125

CULTURE AND CULTURE CLASHES 126

Different Worldviews 126

Different Values 128

THE GLOBALIZATION OF ORGANIZATIONAL VALUES . . . 129

Productivity vs. Other Ways to Evaluate Performance . . . 130

i

Excellence vs. The Right to Make Mistakes 131

Competition vs. Collaboration Between Colleagues 132

Loyally to the Organization vs. Loyalty to Self 132

DIFFERENT NORMS 137

ANALYZING CULTURE CLASHES 144

Written and Spoken Language 144

Objects 146

XVI MASTERING THE CONFLICT GAME

CHAPTER 5 SUMMARY 146

TO PRESERVE YOUR MENTAL HEALTH 147

CHAPTER 6 • Measuring and Using Power 155

CHANGE YOUR ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT POWER 156

A Practical Definition of Power 158

Power Is Part of Every Relationship 159

Power Is Something People Exercise in a Relationship:

It's Always Relative 159

Relative Power 1: The Boss Has No Power 160

Relative Power 2: The Boss Has All the Power 160

Power Sources Only Count if They're Pertinent 160

Power Can Grow with Analysis and Strategy 161

Power Is Neither Negative Nor Positive 161

IDENTIFY ALL POTENTIAL POWER SOURCES 162

Having Formal Authority or Legitimacy 163t

Controlling Access to Resources and Information 164

Controlling Scarce Resources 165

Controlling Information 165

Being Prepared 165

Knowing and Using Organizational Values 166

Using Structures, Rules and Decision Making 167

Presiding Over or Facilitating Meetings 168

TABLE OF CONTENTS XVII

Using Personal Characteristics 168

Being Able to Cope with Uncertainty 169

Using Your Charm and Knowing You Have Power . .•" . 169

Having Nothing to Lose 169

Having the Capacity to Create Fear 169

Creating Alliances and Networks 170

RECOGNIZING WHAT DISEMPOWERS YOU 172t

Attributing Too Much Power to Others andNot Enough to Yourself 173

Needing to Be Liked by Everybody 173

MEASURE AND COMPARE PEOPLE'S POWER 174

Compare Your Own Level of Power With That of Others . . 180

Strategize to Gain More Power 180

Strategize to Limit the Other's Power 181

CHAPTER 6 SUMMARY ... ' . ' 184

TO PRESERVE YOUR MENTAL HEALTH 185

CHAPTER 7 • Putting All the Elements Together

with C-SNAPs 193

HOW TO DO A C-SNAP 194

HOW TO INTERPRET YOUR C-SNAP 201

HOW TO DO A C-SNAP PROBLEM SUMMARY 205

CHAPTER 7 SUMMARY 208

TO PRESERVE YOUR MENTAL HEALTH 209

XVIII MASTERING THE CONFLICT GAME

SECTION 3 : ACT IN A STRATEGIC WAY 213

CHAPTER 8 • Choosing Appropriate Strategies 215

GUIDE FOR THE CHOICE OF A STRATEGY 217

The Importance of the Issue 218

The Importance of the Relationship -. . . . 220

How Important Are the Relationships in this Case? 222

Combining the Two Axes 222

THE FOUR STRATEGIES 226

WHEN TO USE EACH STRATEGY - AND WHEN NOT TO! . . 226

Competing 226

Collaborating 229

Avoiding 232

Accommodating 233

CHOOSING ALTERNATIVES TO YOUR PREFERREDSTRATEGY .'> 234

CONFLICT RESOLUTION METHODS 234

Competitive Methods 234

Discussion 234

Competitive Negotiation 234

Conciliation 237

Arbitration 237

Use of the Legal System 237

TABLE OF CONTENTS XIX

Collaborative Methods 237

Dialogue 237

Collaborative Negotiation r 238

Mediation 238

ETHICAL CONSIDERATIONS 238

CHAPTER 8 SUMMARY 239

TO PRESERVE YOUR MENTAL HEALTH 240

C H A P T E R 9 • K n o w i n g W h e n a n d H o w t o N e g o t i a t e . . . . 2 4 3

WHAT NEGOTIATION IS 244

Parties 246

, Conflicting Issues 246

A Motive for Exchange 247

A Margin of Freedom 247

THE TWO MAJOR STRATEGIES 248

THE BASIC PRINCIPLES OF NEGOTIATION 250

Know Yourself and Know the Other Party 250

Concentrate on the Issues Not the People 251

Don't Be Greedy 251

Know Your Alternatives to Negotiation 252

Have Objective Criteria 253

Know When to Stop 254

Share Information Judiciously 254

XX MASTERING THE CONFLICT GAME

Use Your Capacity to Reward and Punish Ethically

and with Restraint 255

Don't Utter Empty Threats 255

THE NEGOTIATION PHASES 255

Preparation 255

Identify Your Objectives 256

Choose Who Will Negotiate with Whom 256

Choose Your Strategy 257

Gather Your Data 257

Opening 258

Playing 259

Closing f 261

Follow-up 261

CHAPTER 9 SUMMARY : 262

TO PRESERVE YOUR MENTAL HEALTH 263

BOOK SUMMARY • Mastering the Conflict GameStep-by-step 267

Bibliography . . 273

Analytical Index 279