Managing The Various Roles

By- MMS Unified Mental Health Team

Parent as the Motivator

Topic 1

What is a motivator?

mo·ti·va·tor/ˈmōdəˌvādər/Learn to pronouncenoun1. something that provides a reason or stimulus to do something.

"The want for good grades is a powerful motivator"○ a person who promotes interest in or enthusiasm for something.

Balancing A.C.T.

● Parents are great motivators and can balance many things! Parents typically are:○ Acting as the Role Model.○ Caring for the house (food, clothing,

cleaning, etc.).○ Taking time to help with their child’s

homework and also, do their jobs

What if things are unbalanced? This could look like:

● Doing for your child what he/she can (or should) do for themselves.● Constantly asking questions; interrogating your child over tasks.● Letting your child invade your boundaries as a couple—making your

kids the center focus at all times.● Over-sharing with your child about your life; treating them like a friend

rather than your child.● Giving up your parental authority and allowing your child to take control

of the household.● Living through your child vicariously; feeling as if their achievements are

yours, and their failures are yours as well.● Your child is upset, and you fall apart.

Motivate & Keep Boundaries

● Define your boundaries○ To develop boundaries for yourself, you have to know what you value, think and where you

stand.

● Make your expectations known○ Make a list of what you expect for yourself in relation to your kids. Think about what you can

and can’t live with; think through what matters most to you.

● Focus on yourself, too○ When your child is acting poorly and not listening to you, think about how you can more clearly

communicate what you expect—and hold him/her accountable when he/she doesn’t listen.

● Don’t be so hard on yourself○ We all have hard times, moments when we give in. Nobody—and no parent—is perfect. Instead

of beating yourself up for this, you might have to let yourself off the hook for letting them off the hook.

Parent as the Mediator Topic 2

Managing ConflictUsing Restorative Language

Active Listening

Active listening is a technique that is used in counseling, training, and solving disputes or conflicts. It

requires that the listener fully concentrate, understand, respond and then remember what is being

said.

Active Listening allows other person time to explore their thoughts and feelings, they should, therefore, be given adequate time for that. It not only means focusing fully on the speaker but also actively showing verbal and non-verbal signs of listening.

Example of Active Listening .

Using Effective Questioning Questions are used to explore the feelings, beliefs, opinions, ideas and attitudes of the person being

questioned. They can also be used to better understand problems that another person may be experiencing.

Using Effective Questioning

Restorative Language & Statements RESTORATIVE LANGUAGE

Addressing Conflict and Repairing Harm

AFFECTIVE STATEMENTS

Personal expressions of feelings in response to others

positive/negative behaviors

Affective or “I” Statement: I feel …….(state feeling) …….

When you ………(state action)

Because .......

I need you to ………

Parent as the Scheduler

Helping the family create and maintain a schedule that works

Topic 3

Scheduling School Work A schedule provides structure and communicates expectations.

● Choose a workspace for your student that will promote concentration.

○ If your student is a big gamer, pick a different location like the kitchen

table or a desk in another area.

● Select hours that work for both you and your student. ○ If your child is not an early riser, perhaps you start school hours a little

later in the morning.

● Schedule check-in times for questions and breaks.○ Our students are used to a fair amount of movement during a school

day. A break to pet the dog or run up and down the stairs will help

productivity and reduce frustration.

Scheduling Family Time & FunDon’t forget to schedule in some FAMILY FUN! Looking forward to a fun activity can be motivating and brighten our entire outlook! Challenge your student for fun ideas.

● Walk or workout as a family ○ Try Yoga or work up to a family 5k competition!

● Plan a family theme night ○ Plan dinner, costumes, skits or games around a theme

● Your choice game night○ Let each child have a day to pick the family activity. Games like

Heads Up and Pictionary can even be found on phone apps!

Scheduling Family Time & Fun

● Try something new○ Stretch your comfort zone by drawing, painting, writing a poem, or

building something.

● Watch a classic movie with the kids○ Don’t forget popcorn and candy!! Pull out photos from the 90’s!

● Family Bake-off○ Break the family into teams and see who wins the challenge.

● America’s Got Talent!○ Set aside time for each family member to show off their skills!

● Make a family Video○ Have the kids direct a video about the best parts of being quarantined.

Family Resources

● Quick Reference Guide for Help○ file:///C:/Users/samwo/Downloads/Quick%20Reference%20Guide%20to%20Human%20Services%20in%20Lo

udoun%20County.pdf

● Mental Health and Community Resources for Families○ https://www.lcps.org/Page/227814

● Continuity of Education○ https://www.lcps.org/ContinuityOfEducation

● Contact your Parent Liaison○ Sam.Woodard@lcps.org