IN THIS ISSUE:HOW TO SURVIVE THE FIRST ROUND OF MIDTERMS

MEET THE LIGHTHOUSE COMMITTEESTAYING HEALTHY IN LISTER

DOOUBLE D DODGEBALL

september 30th 2014ISSUE2

Welcome to OCTOBER: The Month of

Procrastination & Listeritis

EDITOR’S NOTE:Procrastination highs, and... lows

All right friends, you’ve been here long enough to know: shit gets real in uni-versity. The workload is way more than you thought, and especially in Lister,

all of a sudden there is so much more besides school that is taking up your time. Dodgeball! Floormals! Movie nights! Bars! Clubs! Netflix! How the bloody hell can you do it all? By not doing it all, of course! It’s simple: do enough to keep up with the week. That paper’s not due for a month. And I mean... you just got through a whole week, and you’re exhausted from late nights on the weekend. You deserve a break, at least on Monday. And Tuesday. Maybe Wednesday... Not going to lie, that has definitely been me for the past few days. And here I am scrambling to get this issue out to you right now, so I can get the hell home and scramble some more, knowing there is no way I can do a good job on my two assignments due tomorrow. I just don’t have enough time. Well, shit. Shows what I know about school, after four years. But actually, I do know. I totally did this to myself, and I never do this to myself. I do have enough time. I’m used to getting involved - I mean, I did live in LIster for four years - but I’m not used to this fifth year workload. Three very intense 400 level courses (one of which is supposed to be a double-credit course but isn’t for whatever rea-son... ) and a condensed two-month education course are the major concerns. (Music 103 can

only help me. I’m not paid to advertise this course, I swear, but if you’re doing an intense year, take this course. Seriously). And of course, like many of you, I signed up for more activities, just for fun! Time to re-evaluate. Even if you’re used to taking on a lot, university is actually a lot more than you expect: yep, school is definitely a thing! And I’m telling you from a nerdy keener-first-year’s perspective: it gets frig-ging difficult. And clearly, I’m proof that even af-ter a couple years, you’ll still want to take on lots, and sometimes it’ll be too much. In fact, I have had to drop an activity here and there, because as much as you may want to do everything, you have to make sure you’re still happy. If you’re stressing out all the time about how you’re going to get it all done, maybe you really should give yourself break. On the other hand, if you’re still in summer mode happy land, not expecting things to get hard, you’re going to get slapped in the face. (Like me, right now!) While you can, give yourself time to relax - for sure - but start those assign-ments. Keep it steady. And, if you do hit a mo-ment when you realize there is nothing you can do, know that there is: keep your cool. If you are already too far behind, do your best now, and learn from it later. You can only do better from here. Cheers,

Sareeta Lopez, Editor-in-Chief

LIGHTHOUSE

connor robinson of Henday hallConnor Robinson is a first year on 3 Henday this year. From the start he was very involved in Basecamp activities and helped me get the other first years excited about events. He approached me about getting involved with the Lister Lighthouse, and his first article “First year do’s and don’ts, what I’ve already learned” was published in the last issue. He emerged as a leader on our floor during the LDL seeding tournament after which he was voted in as assistant captain, and continues to be a leader off of the court in making sure everyone gets home safely from nights out. Connor has expressed one of his many talents by making our floor lettuce wraps and homemade salsa, and he is never too busy to stop and ask about your day! He has played a major role in making 3H the family it is today.

HALL STARS!

LISTER

Mini Chan of Kelsey hallMini Chan is an awesome second year on Three Kelsey this year! Despite always having her home tower of Henday (and Dukes) at heart she has adapted well to Kelsey and is loved by everyone. Mini is also Three Kelsey’s dodgeball liaison and the only female liaison in Kelsey! Everyone probably already knows this, but she gives the best hugs of all time and is just so damn cute!! Mini is a truly heartwarm-ing individual who anyone can lean on for support and advice. Despite only meet-ing her this year she has saved my ass multiple times and lit up my day whenever I’ve been sad. And I guess that just leaves one more thing to be said… ALL HAIL QUEEN MINI!!!!

jeffrey dubash oF Mackenzie HallJeff is exactly what you want a first year in Lister to be. He’s a kind, outgoing in-dividual who is always involved in what the floor is doing. All through Base Camp he was at every event, no matter how early in the morning the event was. Even if he’s a little unsure about participating he jumps right in and puts his full effort into the event. Whether it is dodgeball, a movie night, or a cardboard boat race he is there. He rocked ‘Dancing Queen’ at air bands and stole the show. He is a quiet leader who gets people involved within the floor through his friendly demeanour and making them feel welcome. We have also found out on 8 Mac that he has the funniest, full hearted laugh ever which gets everyone else laughing hysterically as well. We are glad to have Jeff on 8 Mac and look forward to a great year with this awesome individual.

Sarah Redding of Schäffer hallSarah is an exchange student from New Zealand and has been an absolute treat on Five Schaffer this year. Although not knowing anyone upon arrival she has opened up to the floor, built friendships and keeps involved. She has a heart of pure gold and her kindness is spread through our whole floor. Although she only has one semester here, it is clear Sarah will impact Schaffer and her floor in a big way. If you don’t already know Sarah I recommend you get to know her and her unknown New Zealand slang (what are Jandals?). Her accent is just as great as she is, and she is one of the sweetest people you will meet. Keep it up, Sarah. Schaffer will be sad to see you go.

brought to you by:

Each hallstar will receive 1 complimentary meal!

Meet the Lighthouse

Mandatories

Meet Lighthouse Photographer Joel Agarwal

Hey fellow Lister peeps! I’m super excited to be the photographer for the Lighthouse this year! I’m from Calgary, and in my first year here. Photography has been a hobby that really allows me as an individual to capture moments, special unique moments that are one of a kind and can never replicated in exactly the same way. I’m so inspired by how beautiful the world is. All you have to do is take the time to stop and realize the splendor of the amazing paint strokes around us, and the diversity among us. Often times we get so caught up in our everyday busy lives and we forget to notice the little things around us. I hope my photography inspires others to see the world through different lenses and to realize just how fortunate we are to live in such a gorgeous world and to be a part of such an amazing, diverse body here at the University of Alberta. In no way am I a professional photographer, but it is the passion which drives me to do what I do.

Joel AgarwalLighthouse Photographer 2014-2015

... on the next page!

LIGHTHOUSE

Hi, friends!

You can call me Sean or Hansol, whichever you prefer. I am the FC for 2 Henday. I am in my second year of Lister and University. I had moved to Edmonton and Lister to become a business student. I am currently in the Bachelor of Arts but hopefully I can transfer into Business! I lived on 7 Kelsey last year, which turned a bunch of ran-dom people I didn’t know into my closest friends to date. And, I am always looking to meet new people so come by and say hi! As you can already tell, I suck at writing bios, so here is where I sign off.

Hey, my name is Rachael and I’m the FC on Six Kelsey! This is my second year at the University of Alberta and living in Lister. I didn’t think I’d come back, but Lister found a way. My first year here I lived on 5 Henday, and it was a basically 8 months of bad beer, somewhat poor decisions, too much estrogen (2 girl wings), and a whole lotta’ fantastic people. I’m really excited to be back again and to be work-ing for the LHSA. I currently study in the Faculty of Arts and I swear it’s not as easy as everyone says it is. I’ve always enjoyed writing, both creatively and academically and I’m pretty thrilled to now be writing for the Lighthouse. I keep a blog and tons of random Post-it notes with all of my thoughts on them. I love traveling, being outside, and Dukes. One of those is a lie. You can often find me napping and eating Jolly Ranchers—not always at the same time. I’m from Bonnyville, Alberta but I don’t really like telling people that because, well…because it’s Bonnyville. My favorite movie might be Moonrise Kingdom, but I’m not sure. Sometimes I sing opera in the shower. Official Nerdfighter and decreaser of world suck.

Hello Lister!! My name is Kirsten Edmonds. I’m a third year studying geology, focusing more in hydrogeology. I lived on 5K, 4S, and now my home is 5H, which I’m FC of! I was born in Winnipeg and moved to Calgary when I was four – and I definitely love Calgary. Some interest-ing things about me are that I played piano for almost 16 years (I still tickle the ivories every so often), I love to draw, I love my Xbox and I’m soon getting a PS4, and I’ve always loved dragons (I have a dragon tattoo on my back that I drew!!) Most people say their first impression of me is I’m a bit intimidating – trust me, when you get to know me I’m far from that, so don’t feel shy and say hello if you see me!! I can’t wait for this year to kick off. My biggest advice is to get out there and see the events that the LHSA has to offer for you!!! Have a great year and remember – Skulk is coming.

LIGHTHOUSE

Hello Lister! My name is Robyn Chrunyk and I’m a second year Physical Education student. That means if you want someone to help you pick things up and put them down, I’m your girl! Besides that, I hail from the relativity small town of Athabasca (we only have two sets of lights). My Lister roots can be traced back to the hall of Kelsey where I lived on 10K. This year I am fortunate to say that I am the FC on 7 Henday and I can’t wait to meet all the great people Lister has to offer. So don’t be afraid to stop me and say hi; you’ll probably see me wandering around Lister anyways, and as always, Skulk is coming.

Hey! I’m Sami Millership and I am the FC on 7 Mackenzie! I am from Quesnel, which is a little town in the middle of B.C. I am in my second year of Elementary Education and am hoping to go into Occupational Therapy eventually. I am a little bit overly obsessed with Disney (if that’s even possible) and watch WAY too many movies in my free time (let’s be honest, even when I don’t have free time). I am super excited to be on the Lighthouse committee and am looking forward for a great year with all of you. Cheers!

Hey y’all! My name is Taylor Wilson and I am a fourth year student of linguistics and psychology. I have lived in Lister for all four of those years, making this year the completion of a Lister degree, a proud ac-complishment, as I’m sure you would all agree. My first year I lived on 9 Henday, since then I’ve been traveling around Schaffer, a year on 12, a year on 9, and this year I have settled in as Floor Coordinator of 11 Schaffer. When not here, I live in the town of Okotoks, which is not, contrary to some people’s beliefs, a part of Calgary. I love my home-town, but over the years Lister has really become a second home to me, and I hope that soon all of you will feel the same way.

I can’t wait to share my vast stores of Lister knowledge with all of you this year in the Lighthouse! In fact, I’ll start right now by express-ing my massive adoration for dodgeball. They say that it’s everything to everyone, and in my case, that’s definitely the truth, because I’m probably the biggest dodgeball fangirl you’ll ever meet. I would en-courage everyone, no matter what your interests, to find something that you are as passionate about as I am about dodgeball, and I’m sure this year will be fantastic. For everyone who’s new here; wel-come to Lister, and for everyone who’s old, welcome back!

LIGHTHOUSE

ACADEMICS

It can be kind nerve racking going into your first round of midterms or handing in that big assignment for the first time as a university student. With some of these little tips, you’ll be acing that first round of whatever your Profs decide to throw at you.

Plan, plan, plan and re-plan. Its always a good idea to know exactly when those midterm are, how many you have in a week and when you can study for them. Keep a planner/ make a calendar where you write down all the upcoming important events. Plan things out appropriately and you should have more then enough time to prepare for anything and everything heading your way.

Study breaks.Sure there might be those nights when you have six chapters to review and flash cards/notes to make but studying hard for six, or even four hours straight is only going to drain you mentally. Taking breaks will help you not only focus but get through what you need to. These breaks can just be simple 10-15 minute breaks, checking Facebook or playing a round of smash. That being said, these breaks are meant to be mental breaks and not lead to procrastination.

Know how you study. We all study/learn differently, some people are auditory learners and prefer to talk problems out. Others can write notes for days and some of us just need to get some hands on experience for information to stick. Figure out which way works best for you and own it. This will be one small step on your way to having a suc-cessful year.

Studying space.Can you study in your room?...Really? I mean that nice comfy bed to lie down on, the TV on top of the fridge conveniently placed to allow for gaming/movie watching… I don’t think that studying is happening. Where you study plays a big role in how effective your studying is. The truth is some people just can’t study in their rooms; the good news is that there are lots of available study spaces all across campus. Don’t be afraid to make the trek to Cameron Library if you just can’t seem to focus on your floor.

Catching those Zs. Getting enough sleep is extremely important; research has shown that it can take your body up to 3-4 days to recover from those nights where you study into the wee hours of the morning. That’s three days where you’re not functioning at your normal capacities and that includes cognitive function. It may be hard to go to bed when everyone’s chilling in the lounge but listen to your body. If you’re tired, go to bed and your body will thank you the next day.

How to Survive the First Round of Midterms and Assignments

by Robyn Chrunyk

THE COMMITTEES

Why You Should Join One (Or Two, Or Three)

By Jaimee Russnak

Alright, Listerites. By now, you’ve heard a ton about how getting involved is a great way to meet people, which is super important and lots of fun. But, even more than gaining a few new friends, getting involved in committees within the Lister Community can provide you with great opportunities. By joining a committee, you are given the opportunity to have your voice heard, represent your peers, and make a positive difference in Lister and the larger com-munity. So, think about what interests you and what you are pas-sionate about, and consider joining one of these committees.

Programming Committee - Led by VP Internal Deepak Ven-katesh, the Programming Committee is responsible for creating really awesome, fun programs for Listerites to take part in. If you want to help plan events, or share ideas for activities you think your peers would enjoy, this is the committee for you.

Public Relations - VP PR Kevin Lai will welcome you with open arms, and, I’ve heard, treats. PR is responsible for events such as the L.O.V.E. Auction and Dodgefest, excellent charity events which you definitely don’t want to miss. If you are passionate about volunteering and spreading the love and good news about the many ways Lister contributes to the larger community, check this committee out.

Finance Committee - Wanna know more about the LHSA budget? Wanna share ideas about spending, ways to save money, crunch some numbers, and hang out with the one and only VP Finance Victor Chowdhury, look into being a part of this committee.

Academic and Human Resource Committee - AHR is under the leadership of VP Jelena Macura and is responsible for programs such as Peer Tutors and the awards nights which recognize Lis-terites for their tremendous contributions to the community. It of-fers many resources to members of the Lister Community and you could help!

Foods Committee - Do you love food? Well, duh, who doesn’t? Join this committee to discuss menu items and have a say in what is served.

Lighthouse Committee - Do you love Lister? Do you love writ-ing? join the Lighthouse committee and combine the two! Share stories, photos, advice, and ideas with your fellow Listerites. Help keep residents informed and entertained, all while exploring your creative side.

Don’t hesitate to ask your FCs and LHSA Exec for more informa-tion about getting involved!

So you have been drinking for three nights straight and are run-ning low on money. It’s a Wednes-day. You don’t want to go out to Dukes, so you want to stay in with your loveable floormates and just chill by watching a movie but have no idea how to set it up. Well, here is how to hold the greatest movie night!

Plan, plan, plan. If you want

people to actually show up, plan ahead. (Want to watch on Friday then start planning on Wednes-day). Post it on your floor group on Facebook so people actually know that there is going to be a movie night.

Now, with all the information, here’s what to do. With people that plan on watching the movie with you, go to Mac’s together

for snacks, or just get snacks from your room or le Mar.

Make couch beds. The couch bed is probably the greatest invention in Lister. If you don’t know what it is, ask your student leaders. Once you set up the couch bed, with the snacks within arms’ reach, you are ready to have a wonderful movie night with your peers.

how to host a movie night in listerBy Hansol Sean Lee

LISTER/LIVING

I’m gonna admit that there’s a certain irony in the fact that I’m writing this article right now, as I’m literally typ-ing this while suffering through a bad case of Listeritis (anyone who has talked to me in the last week can vouch for that). However, in all of my years living here in Lister, I have learned a thing or two about how to avoid the ickiness that is Listeritis, or even worse, the dreaded Norovirus. Here are some pointers that will hopefully help you to stay healthy this year.

Germs are real, so please wash your hands: In my first year there was a kid who honestly didn’t believe in germs and thought that getting sick was all in your head. I disagree wholeheartedly. He also never washed his hands; nor did many of the girls on my floor, which meant those “imaginary germs” were everywhere. Unfortunately, they weren’t the ones that got Norovirus and learned a lesson about hand washing…I was.

Don’t let yourself get too stressed out: It’s important to focus on school, but it’s also important to find a balance. If you feel like you need a break, you probably do. Watch a show or some dodgeball, read something just for fun, go for some exercise, really do anything that doesn’t involve focussing on school for even an hour. Reminder, after your break it is impor-tant to return to studying.

Eat real food: Living in Lister, I have often found that it’s easy to get into a habit of just picking up sim-ple fast foods from the mar, meaning that sometimes I have eaten nothing but chicken fingers for a few days… It is important to have a well-balanced diet. There are a variety of food options, both on and off campus, and they always say that variety is the spice of life. If you find you can’t get foods you want on cam-pus, buy some groceries and make your own meals. This is also a great solution if you find yourself running low on meal plan money at the end of the year.

Do something physical: There’s a reason that there is an honest to goodness sports league here in Lister, and not just because dodgeball is everything to everyone. When you’re doing physical activity, your body releases a whole bunch of chemicals (don’t ask the arts kid for specifics), which helps you stay happy and healthy. Even if dodgeball isn’t your thing, there are plenty of options to get you moving so you aren’t cooped up in your room all day every day.

Sleep: University life doesn’t really lend itself to a regular sleep schedule, which can make this one a little tough. As much fun as it is to stay out late with friends, or however necessary it can be to stay up late finishing a paper or studying for an exam, you need to know that your body remembers those hours that it didn’t get to use for recharging, and it tries to get back at you later on. Try to balance out your sleep schedule and give your body that much needed rest. Also, nap-ping is something I never thought I would get into, but it turned out to be a lifesaver many times in the last few years, so I would highly recommend trying it out.

How To Stay Healthy In ListerBy Taylor Wilson

LIVING

Don’t • Floorcest • Bring up Champs…it’s too soon. • Wear shirts in the lounge• Boss around your dodgeball team…you’re an asshole. • Take the elevator to any floor below 4• Do all your readings…skim that shit • Use the shower curtain rod for support• Discuss politics/religion with people who don’t wear shoes• Ask what those stains on your carpet are• Talk about how cool you were in high school• Attack anyone with a fire extinguisher • Go to Chief “raves” . . . just never go to Chief at all• Get chlamydia and die

First Year Dos and Don’tstips from the older and wiser

By Rachael Phillips

Okay, first years—listen up. While the idea of saying goodbye to your mom, moving out, and meeting all sorts of crazy people you had no idea even existed may seem daunting, the real terror comes with not knowing anything about what’s acceptable and what’s not in the unique little ecosystem that is Lister. It’s a community built almost entirely out of dodgeballs, used condoms, empty beer cans, student tears, and slight ‘ragrets’. But don’t get too worried—I’m coming to you as a second year, back for Round Two, offering tons of great advice to follow for the coming school year. Pay attention, take notes, and spread the knowledge.

Basically if you follow these rules, you’re golden. Even if you don’t, you’ll be more or less okay. The bottom line is that your first year is for making questionable choices, praying to the Bell-Curve gods, and sleeping with and/or meeting people you’ll either cherish or hate for the rest of your life. Now go forth and first year.

Do• Floorcest • Wear flip-flops in the shower• Wear pants in the lounge• Wear a high-neck shirt to Dukes (unless you love those quarters)• Walk of pride, not walk of shame• Wash your sheets at least once a month• Take advantage of your floor’s sex senior…and their con-dom supply • The Turkey Dump• Lock your door, even if there’s only a 1% chance of ANY-THING happening• Make friends with the smartest looking kid in your lecture• Watch Willy Bum Bum

LIVING

It’s that time of year again.

You put on your flannel shirt and head outside to the leaf-strewn campus around you, admiring the colorful world that is fall, when you stumble across the scent of the ever-famous Pumpkin Spice Latte. As a broke university student, your only desire is that you could actually afford to have the delicious taste of fall. Fear not, for I have a recipe for you!

quick pumpkin spice latte

Ingredients:1 cup milk, divided1 tablespoon white sugar, or more to taste1 tablespoon pumpkin puree 1 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract1/4 cup brewed espresso

Directions:1. Whisk 1/2 cup milk, sugar, pumpkin puree, pump-kin pie spice, and vanilla extract in a small saucepan over low heat. Simmer for 5 minutes. Whisk in re-maining 1/2 cup milk.

2. Pour milk mixture through a fine-mesh sieve to remove pulp. Return milk mixture to saucepan and simmer, whisking, 2 minutes. Add espresso and whisk until foamy, 1 minute.

Recipe from allrecipes.com

MASTERCHEFIn the Making

Being on your own, in a place full of possibilities, with other people who have freedom just like you can be quite exciting. What if you meet someone who you want to take your friendship to the next level with? Well, with my help, you can bet that your sensual en-deavors will be exciting, memorable, and definitely chock full of arousal.

STEP 1: Make sure you have a nice set up in your room. I’m not talking like a porn set, but I definitely don’t mean like garbage. Clean your room up so un-organized clothes and homework don’t distract your partner and ruin their mood. Remember, a huge part about sex is being in the mood.

STEP 2: Make sure you have privacy. Got a room-mate? Ask them to leave for a bit or tell them they should go watch dodgeball for a bit. Turn that phone on silent (because no one ever turns their phone off, right?) and make sure there are no distractions to interfere with your sexy lovemaking.

STEP 3: Be prepared! Murphy’s Law would mean that no one was prepared, and you’re probably wound up like a stallion, so try to make sure you have all the ‘equipment’ for your adventure. I’m talking condoms, lube, oil (not used as a lubricant unless specified), and toys galore – have fun trying new things out (though restraints are difficult to put on Lister beds)

STEP 4: HAVE FUN!!!! Sex is great in many ways, and there’s plenty of options to explore with your partner, so go at it (just make sure you aren’t disturb-ing people during quiet hours – because nothing flat-tens a mood like getting written up) Don’t forget, sex can lead to the release of endorphins which can help deal with pain (i.e. headaches) and it helps relieve stress!!!! Cough* exams cough*

Stay safe Lister!! Always use protection, never do something you aren’t comfortable with, and if you don’t want to have sex – don’t!

Love,

Dr.Penny-Tration xxx

Sex Advice 4 U: Steps to Great Sex in Lister By Sami Millership

LIVING/FOOD

DODGEBALL

Welcome to Double D dodgeball, your source for everything dodge-ball. Allow us to introduce our-selves, Darren Roszell and Dan Strowbridge. We are third year Lis-terites, and our passion for dodge-ball knows no bounds. Just a couple of Alberta boys from St. Albert and Red Deer, respectively, we are both in our third year of our degrees, majoring in Dodgeball, with a mi-nor in Lister Cultural Studies. Our Lister Journey began on 5 Kelsey, where we fell Deepakly in love with dodgeball, ass over hat if you will. Next year, we returned back to the glorious Kelsey hall as OCs (Orien-tation Coolkids) on 4K and XK, and eventually All-Stars as player and manager, respectively. This year, we collect dust on the 8th and 4th shelf of the Mary Schäffer Archaeol-

by Dan Strowbridge & Darren Roszell

DOUBLE D DODGEBALL

ogy Museum. But that doesn’t keep us out of the Tuckey, playing our hearts out and watching all of ‘dem fresh faced 96’s learn to love the LDL as much as we do.

10 THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT DODGEBALL

Hey Dodgers, whether it’s your first season in the LDL or you’re old like us, dodgeball will inevitably take over a good portion of your life. So we’ve compiled a list of 10 things YOU need to know about this great sport. First of all, the foundation of this league is built upon The Four Pillars of dodgeball. The first and foremost pillar is Sportsmanship, followed by Teamwork, Love of the Game, and lastly, Skill.

1. Honesty is the Best PolicyWhen in doubt, you’re out. If you think you got hit, just go off. If you

didn’t, one of the refs will let you know that you’re safe. Nobody likes a cheater, and people will no-tice and judge the shit out of you. Honesty falls under the first pillar of the LDL, Sportsmanship.

2. Always Throw FirstWhen you get caught up in a pump fake showdown, the best thing you can do is throw first and get low. If you continue to pump fake, and try to wait out your opponent, the chances of you getting hit in the middle of your silly little pump fake is quite high.

3. Rule 17: Don’t Be a HeroIt’s called a hero shag if you don’t get hit, but a suicide shag if you do. You can’t win the game by yourself. Unless it’s the last couple minutes and your team is in dire need of a possession, you’ll be more valuable alive when it comes down to a count. Same thing ap-plies to throwers; it’s not about who gets that doctor kill but more about giving your team a good op-portunity to get one.

4. Shame BallDon’t underestimate the shame

HEY, SHAGGERS!BY JAIMEE RUSSNAK

DODGEBALLball. This ball has killed doctors, doubles doctors and tore down many walls in those desperate at-tempts to save a double doctor.

5. Cross Court ThrowsKnow when to use it, and when to avoid at all costs. If you want any chance of getting your ball back, throwing a cross is not your best bet. Especially in Classic, throwing cross-court is usually a bad plan.

6. Don’t Be a DoucheThis is another important part of the Sportsmanship Pillar. Things like slamming your balls when you get hit, chirping the other team or showboating when you get a kill are not cool. Don’t be a douche-bag. Nobody likes it and it has no place in the LDL.

7. Dress for SuccessDon’t be that guy wearing skinny jeans or cowboy boots. It’s not a fashion show, its dodgeball. You can get creative with socks and headbands but wear something that is comfortable enough to play in.

8. Doctor/Double Last Minute PanicThe last minute of a Doctor or Dou-ble Doctor game is where a team shows their true colours. First year teams tend to panic once the mu-sic goes off and everything goes to shit. Experienced teams stay calm and continue to take 10 seconds and throw together. The calmer team usually wins.

9. Play as a Team!When your captains and sec-ond years are yelling “THROW TOGETHER” there is no hidden

meaning! It means “THROW TO-GETHER” at the same time, AND at the same person. It’s not a hard concept, and the success rate is infinitely higher. Teamwork Pillar obviously.

10 Have Fun and Love Dodgeball!Remember: We’re still playing in a rec league, so have some fun. Make sure to play some drop in dodgeball whenever you get the chance as that is one of the best ways to have fun and love dodge-ball!

Stay tuned for the next Lighthouse Issue for the Power Rankings! Fol-low us on Twitter @DubD_Dodge-ball for everything dodgeball!

Hey, shaggers. You rock. No, seriously. Shagging is an essential part of dodgeball so be proud of your-selves and your teammates every time you stop one of those red balls from flying back to the other side of the Tuckey, you good lookin’, extreme athlete, you.I know it can be a bit intimidating standing on the front line, but it sure is fun, too, and I believe that you will be great. You will only get better each week, and there are a lot of weeks left! Here are some tips a few phenomenal shaggers shared with me when I was just starting out to help you step your shagging game up to the next level.

Focus on the dodging first. You can’t shag if you are dead. Watch where the ball is going and react, rather than doing the “pre-dodge”, and getting into a vulner-able position before the ball has been thrown. Once you get more confident at dodging the shagging will become easier, too.

Shag for each other. This will help with dodging. The best shagging lines are those that help stop the balls for the shaggers who are being thrown at. If you can see that someone is a target and you aren’t, prepare to stop those balls so they can worry about staying alive. Trust each other.

Try not to move the same way every time. As everyone improves, the people throwing at you will be able to predict your moves if you don’t shake things up, mak-ing you an easier target.

Along those lines, move in the way that is most com-

fortable to you, but try to stay on your feet. Lying down can be effective, but it also can be a hard posi-tion to get out of quickly, making you a target for balls coming after the one you just dodged.

Don’t hero shag. At least not regularly. There may be a time and a place to move for a ball that puts you in a dangerous position, but, if there are three boys wait-ing at the centre line to destroy your face with a ball, don’t run up and give them that opportunity. Yeah, yeah, it might look cool if you make it, but if you don’t your team is down one player.

Be confident. Or at least pretend to be. If the other team is throwing at you, and perhaps pointing at you to get in your head, stare them down. You’re untouch-able, so leddem know.

Be willing to learn. If you are watching dodgeball and you see a sick shagger you wanna be like, take no-tice of how they play and what is effective, or maybe ask for some advice, and try it out. Practice at drop-in.

And of course, have fun. Like anything, you will be better when you are having fun. So smile, laugh, and get ready to shag all the balls!

You need balls to make kills (that’s just science) so your team needs shaggers. Know that every time you step into the Tuckey, you are making a difference for your team, and that’s pretty freaking awesome.

#nplus1s“Deepak, you’re like a parasite. You stick onto people and just suck.” - Jelena Macura

“Is it acceptable to chug my beer in a restaurant? Like this isn’t Dukes...” - Grom

“I just wanna eat my sushi and not talk about vaginas”

“The one thing I learned tonight is that Pauline really likes penis”

“I had sex with a truck.” - Cole

“Pop a nut in your ass” - Seb

“I’m slapping that ass. Bend over. “ - Cheryl

“I want my husband to like my butthole just the way it is” - Grace Hong

“Go on your back and learn” - Ilya

“I’m a skillful dick” - Kevin Lai

“Daniel fisted me in Dukes.”

“No not the butt, I don’t do butt stuff”

“I learned how to say panties in Ko-rean. Finally a sentence I want to say”

“Make it really tight on your face” - Katie

“sometimes you just want to hold your vagina”

“David literally screwed me”

“I just want it to be tight” - Michele

“Your hair! It’s like it’s spun by elven princesses”

“What is cannabis?”

“We’re fucked up where’s the d?” - Cheryl

“Man I played FarmVille for so long... I just loooooved growing all my crops”

“You can use something and not care about it, that’s what prostitution is.” - Ilya

“Pads are like surfboards for your vagina.” - Zoe

“Kirsten, we’ve known each other for two years, I think a little bit of touching is ok”

“I can take a lot in my throat you know” - Tia

“You didn’t even say butthole last time!” - Sierra “It’s because you couldn’t get it in” - Taylor

“You need 15 cameras to see every angle of my booty” - Kara

“‘Pinochhio’ that’s our safe word” - Max and Kelly

“... And then they’ll want that Schroed-er Kitty Kat D” - Mathew Schroeder

“Thick as a champ son, thinking an osprey is an animal”

“I just love little girls!” - ABoss

“I’m so asexual I’m like a plant. Guys, I’m ready for pollination.” - Sharon

“Hey Zooch, hop on my pooch” - Larry

“If I was a guy I would have the best wheels.” - ABoss

“Ladies will understand this: coughing or sneezing when ur on ur period.” - Pauline“Pauline, that’s an unspeakable.”

“Honestly how big of a deal do you have to think you are to piss in a fridge? Like that’s a fucking fridge.”

“My butts a safe space”

“You hear that? He made a mournful sound!”“They probably pushed too hard.”

“if you do enough kegels you could trap a penis in there - like haha you’re here forever”

“Why did this kid get shoved down my shirt”

“So you’re telling me he took an epipen to the willy?” - Gordy

“I slam balls all th etime.” - Mr. VP Qadeem

“Can I have a piece of THE meat” - megan 2.0

“I stapled $900 to my forehead and made the caption ‘all these bills but your still the dime” - Kevin

“I gave up the moped, I have a mo-torcycle now. I took my moms car so I could bring the sorbet... That I stole from booster juice”

“Stop having fun with people who aren’t from Lister” - Pauline

“You don’t want an entire office full of sausage now do you?” - Aaron

“Everything should gallop majestically. Even rocks.”

“I’m not a plant science student but are bamboos alive?” - Lillian

“I’m FCing this Kraft dinner so hard” - macoola

“Ah, ye pen pedyn”

“There’s no service in my butt” - Sami“Jelena: How are her boobs staying up so well!?!?!Victor: Botox?”

“Gordon, just because there’s beer in the fridge, doesn’t mean you can drink it...”

IMPORTANT DATES & ANNOUNCEMENTS!

CAMPUS & EVENTS

Lister Plant Sale

Withdrawal deadline to get 50% back, W on transcript

Turkey Trot

UASU Free Movie Night, featuring Dawn of the Planet of the Apes at the Myer Horowitz Theare, 5:30 pm

Mackenzie Hall Dodgeball Tournament

Lister Ping Pong Tourney

UASU Movie Night, 5:30 pm. Movie to be announced.

UASU Comedy Night, doors open @ 6pm, 18+ only

Withdrawal deadline with no money back, W on transcript

Oct. 1-3

Oct. 3

Oct. 4

Oct. 7

Oct. 17-19

Oct. 18-19

Oct. 21

Oct .29

Nov. 26

Announcements

AHR:Peer Tutoring coming mid-October! Wednesdays from 5-10PM and Sundays from 12-5PM

If you sign up as a tutor, your VP AHR will be happy to write you a reference letter.

Programming:Programming committee meetings are set for Mondays 5-6pm in the War Room (back meeting room in the

LHSA office)The Co-Ed Lounge now has new ping-pong rackets, ping pong balls, foosball balls, and chalk for the pool

table. This supply should last us the rest of the year!

Henday and Kelsey:Helsey ski trip has been finalized for January 16-18. 2 buses (100 people) to Kimberley Ridge.

$360 for skiers and $300 for non-skiers.Tabling and signups will begin in October.

Mackenzie (and Schaffer):Mac dodgeball tournament Oct 17-19th, sign up sheets coming soon.

Schackenzie ski trip going to Kicking Horse from January 23rd-25th, prices TBA

editorial mastheadissue 2

editor-in-chiefSareeta Lopezsareeta@ualberta.ca

section editorJaimee RussnakRussnak@ualberta.ca

PhotographyJoel Agarwal

+ a special thanks to the lhsasee you in two Weeks

MandatoriesHansol Sean Lee

Taylor WilsonKirsten Edmondssami millershiprobyn chrunyk

Rachael Phillips

Committee Contributors

DAn StrowbridgeDarren Roszell

Questions? concerns? just wanna say hi? contact us:FacebooK

facebook.com/listerlighthouse

Twitter

@LHSAlighthouse

keep tweeting those n+1s

#nplus1s

website

issuu.com/listerlighthouse