Kelley Kosow - THE FACT IS THAT IN A ROOM FULL OF PEOPLE, … · 2017-10-04 · 2017 Kelley Kosow Not For Distribution | Personal Use Only | 6 | 2 OWN That You Are A Powerful Co-Creator

https://www.facebook.com/kelleykosow/

https://www.instagram.com/kelleykosow/

https://www.youtube.com/kelleykosow

https://twitter.com/kelleykosow

©2017 Kelley Kosow Not For Distribution | Personal Use Only

| 2 | www.KelleyKosow.com

WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER, did you ever do that exercise where you had

a piece of paper on your back and everyone had to write a word of phrase on that

paper describing you? I did. And each time I did it, I was always so nervous won-

dering what people would say and curious about how they would describe me.

Ultimately, I was in awe about how other people saw me. On one end of the spec-

trum, I could not believe what they saw in me. On the other end of the spectrum, I

was so happy and felt so seen that they saw in me what I knew was there deep down

inside.

THE FACT IS THAT IN A ROOM FULL OF PEOPLE, WE ARE THE ONLY ONES WE CAN’T SEE.

That is why we need others to hold up a mirror so that they can reflect back to us the parts of ourselves that we can not see or have not owned.For most of us, after we graduate from school, there are no more yearbooks

or exercises where people have the opportunity to describe us in a word or phrase.

However for me, especially in these past ten years since I have been coaching,

teaching trainings, and leading programs and workshops, I am constantly getting

feedback on how others see me. Words like “kick-ass,” “compassionately ruthless,”

“laser-sharp,” “fierce,” and “confident” are always being reflected back to me.

http://kelleykosow.com



It took me while to own my light, as Marianne Williamson writes in her book

A Return to Love,

Your playing small doesn’t the serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so

that others won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of god that is within us. It’s not just in some of us. It’s

in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission

to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates

others.

My mission is to give others what was given to me – the gift of liberation! My

calling is to teach tools and concepts that support people in living in the fullness

of who they are, aligned with their deepest truths, and grandest desires. To live a

life of integrity, you must unleash fierce confidence, confidence which comes from

knowing that you have everything you need within you, that you are connected and

supported by something bigger than yourself, and that everything that happens is

happening for your soul’s evolution.

For me, like integrity, fierce confidence is a way of life. It is not so much about

what you do as who you are. To support you in living a life of fierce confidence,

here are a few “must-dos.”

STRENGTHEN your muscle of self-trust and learn to live from your Integrity Alignment MonitorEvery day, we make promises to ourselves that we do not keep:

• We vow to speak up at work, and then sit silent in the meeting yet again.

• We tell ourselves “This time the diet is going to stick,” only to watch the

scale inching up.

1




• We feel that something just isn’t right about our relationship or someone

who seemed perfect “on paper”—until we learn the hard way that our instincts

were right.

Even though sometimes we can fix, undo, or somehow correct something in the

outer world, the imprint these broken promises leaves on our psyche cannot be

undone. Every time we step over our truth, we whittle away at our self-esteem and

prove to our already suspicious self that we cannot be trusted.

TO HAVE FIERCE CONFIDENCE WE MUST BE ABLE TO TRUST OURSELVES.To live a life of fierce confidence we must stop stepping over our truth and commit

to living an integrity-guided life.

To walk the path of integrity you must take a U-Turn back to yourself. Instead

of looking to the external world for validation, affirmation, what you “should” be

doing, or your answers, you must go inward, and reconnect with your truth.

YOU MUST STRENGTHEN YOUR MUSCLE OF SELF-TRUST.

You must learn to recognize and honor the voice inside of you – it has always been there. You just lost your way. You bought into the belief, that somewhere, out there is

your answers. But as Glinda the Good Witch said to Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz,

“You’ve always had the power.” All you have to do is take that U-turn back to your-

self and find your home.




The good news is that we all have the most amazing GPS inside us to help us find

our way back home and to support us in tapping into our truth. I call it our

Integrity Alignment Monitor (the I AM). Your I AM is installed at birth and

comes with a lifetime guarantee! In an era when we are all obsessed with selfies and

self-monitoring—measuring every step we take, our sleeping patterns, the calo-

ries we consume or burn, the places we visit, and how much money we spend—our

Integrity Alignment Monitor is truly the ultimate gadget or app because it con-

nects us with ourselves. It supports us in knowing when something is “off.” It warns

us when we don’t feel comfortable in someone’s presence. It alerts us to behaviors,

choices, thoughts, and actions that are not in alignment with our integrity, and it

guides us in making the choices and decisions that are in our best interest.

Most of us have not learned to use our I AM because we are so used to being outer

referred or people pleasers. We have disconnected from our authentic point of ref-

erence—our own I AM—because we are always thinking, Who or what do you want

me to be? The Integrity Alignment Monitor is the ultimate selfie device since not

only does it help you see yourself, it helps you be yourself.

Neale Donald Walsch said, “If you don’t go within, you go without.” I’d add,

When you go within, you never have to go without…and knowing that is fierce confidence. To have fierce confidence you must stand in the knowing that all of your answers

are within, that you are the greatest expert on yourself and learn to live in sync

with your I AM.




2 OWN That You Are A Powerful Co-Creator And Befriend The Universe As Your Most Benevolent Ally

We are either the victims or the co-creators of our lives.

Even though it may sound counter-intuitive, since most people hate the word vic-

tim and don’t want to be that, they are actually comfortable in their patterns of

blame and resentments and their internal dialogue of “Why me? Woe is me!” How-

ever, even if the finger-pointing feels good, justified, or even empowering since it

strengthens your self-righteous stance, after a while it won’t feel so good because it

keeps you tied to and stuck in the past.

To live with fierce confidence, you must embrace that “you’ve got the power!” and

truly step into being a conscious co-creator of your life.

At first blush, it might be easy to see that you co-create your life by the choices you

make and the actions you do or do not take.

• Accept the job or say no?

• Break up or get married?

• Buy the shoes and stay in budget or not?

However to stoke the fires of fierce confidence, you must take it a step further.

You must understand that not only do we create your life with your actions,

choices, and deeds, but you also call it forth with every thought and belief you

have.




If you either consciously or unconsciously believe that:

• “I cannot trust anyone.”

You will call forth people in my life that prove to be untrustworthy.

• “Life will disappoint me.”

You will keep having experiences that leave me feeling disappointed.

• “I will never find ‘the one’”…then you won’t!

Inside of each of us is an internal blueprint embedded in our unconscious aware-

ness. Although hidden, this internal blueprint is 100% powerful. It acts as a

magnet, calling forth our experiences. And it does so for our soul’s evolution, since

the goal of the soul is to evolve and grow.

EVERY PERSON AND EVERY SITUATION IS PART OF OUR EVOLUTIONARY PROCESS – a lesson to be learned, a gift waiting to be opened...so we can bring the unconscious conscious to reveal the hidden and often negative

thoughts and beliefs that are unconsciously running our lives and calling forth the

amount of success, joy, ease, and abundance we will experience or the levels of lack,

disappointment, frustration, and struggle we will endure.

To be the victor and not the victim of these experiences, you need to know that

EVERYTHING THAT IS HAPPENING – IS HAPPENING FOR YOU, NOT TO YOU.To have fierce confidence you must know this in every cell of your body. To live

with fierce confidence you must be fascinated by every situation that occurs, always

asking in wonderment, Why is this happening? How am I co-creating this situation?




What am I supposed to be learning? Looking through life with this lens, you are using

life as your teacher. You are also affirming that by your side you have the most

magnificent partner.

THE UNIVERSE IS YOUR MOST BENEVOLENT TEACHER, FRIEND, AND PARTNER WHEN IT COMES TO SUPPORTING YOUR GROWTH. It is always serving up the situation, putting the perfect person right in front of

you, and pointing you in the direction of what needs to be addressed so that you

can unravel whatever is going on and gain access to the insight that will catapult

you into the next version of who you are meant to become. And if you miss the

messages, it will keep bringing forth similar situations until hopefully you get it!

The Universe is trying to get you to wake up and heal any old residue or emotional

wounds from the past. It is supporting you in bringing your internal blueprint

conscious so you can unconceal what is steering your ship, and shift it in a way

that empowers you to make different choices so that you can experience different

results.

Understanding the power and brilliance of your psyche to call forth the experi-

ences you need to be the person you want to be and that you are truly so supported

the Universe, is the bedrock for fierce confidence.




CLAIM Your Whole Self and Your Life

A perfectionist and overachiever since age six, I spent most of my life striving to

be and prove that I was smart, successful, creative, funny, and talented. If for any

reason I was not measuring up to my standards of perfection, I would try to fix,

change, or manage whatever was going on so that I could get back to path toward

perfection. Although to others I appeared confident – and at time I might have

felt that way – often that feeling was fleeting. The fact was, the more I chased and

achieved the more empty and exhausted I felt. I couldn’t understand what was

going on. If I was “getting what I wanted,” why was I not happy?

Although we may not realize it, in our efforts to fix ourselves on the outside, we are

affirming that on the inside we are broken or defective. In our attempts to achieve

more and more, we are affirming that what we have done and who we are is just not

enough. The perfectionist that I was could not handle being “broken,” “defective,”

and “not enough.” Those were parts of myself that I deemed as wrong, unaccept-

able and needed to get rid of!

My fleeting confidence turned into fierce confidence when I learned about shadow

work. The shadow represents the parts of ourselves we don’t like, disown, and want

to reject. Not wanting to be these qualities and/or fearing that others will find out

that at our core we possess “negative” qualities, we whittle away at these parts and

create facades and personas to prove that we are not the things we dislike. In doing

so, we chip away at the fullness of who we. Our carefully crafted personas then

become like prisons limiting our fullest expression of self. We lose access to our

birth rite – wholeness.

Shadow work is predicated on the concept of wholeness.

3




EVERY EMOTION AND QUALITY, “NEGATIVE” AND “POSITIVE”, IS INSIDE OF US AND THEY ARE THERE TO SERVE US. I love the saying, “G-d or the Universe didn’t give us any spare parts.” Just like

every experience and person who enters our life is there to deliver an insight, a seed

of wisdom and comes bearing some gift, so do all of our qualities and emotion. The

fact is that even the “negative” qualities or emotions could benefit us. For example:

• Wouldn’t it serve you to be selfish if you needed to create boundaries or take some

time for yourself?

• If you could allow yourself to be embrace weak or needy, would you finally ask for

help and not feel that you had to do it all yourself?

• Does admitting that you are clueless have you ask questions or surrender always

trying to control?

When we understand we are everything, we want for nothing! Recognizing that I

could be smart and stupid, exciting and boring, responsible and irresponsible, the

kindest person ever and a total bitch at times, was my ticket to freedom and fierce

confidence. Claiming all of who I was on the inside allowed me to live more fully

on the outside. Welcoming every quality and emotion on the inside, I never had to

worry about hiding them or that “someone might find out that I was that.” It said

that enlightenment comes by being able to recognize that “I am that,” well so does

fierce confidence.

And here is the really great news:




When you understand that that your outer world is a reflection of your inner world, then the more you own all the qualities and emotions inside of you, THE MORE YOU WILL MANIFEST AND CREATE IN THE OUTER WORLD. The more you see yourself internally as whole and complete, the more fully and

completely you will be able to create externally.

The really exciting news is that everything you yearn for is already inside of you.

You just need to claim it! When you claim all of who you are, your life will align…

and that is the foundation to fierce confidence. It’s an inside job!

Fierce confidence cannot just be a concept. It gets grounded in and strengthened

with action. It is like building your muscle of self-trust. The more you cheer your-

self on and sometimes challenge yourself to take that next step, the more you

affirm it is safe to keep take another and another.




UNLEASH YOUR FIERCE CONFIDENCE

1. POWER ON YOUR INTEGRITY ALIGNMENT MONITOR

Create structures to start checking in with your Integrity Alignment Monitor.

Instead of automatically saying answering a request, give yourself time to go

inside. Our “Yeses” and “Nos” are often unconscious. They often just roll off of our

tongue. The people-pleasers tend to always say “yes” never truly thinking about

whether they want to do something or how it may impact them, their energy, or

resources. The pessimist, glass half-empty people generally snap “no,” because they

see through the eyes of lack and limitation. It doesn’t matter which end of the spec-

trum you are on. You want to make your decisions consciously. Give yourself time

to go inside and see how it feels. Play out how it will impact your day and energy,

since once you make a choice you don’t want to be the victim of it. Often people

think they have to answer a request quickly. Generally, you do not. Give yourself

the gift of time to go inside. When I originally did this, I gave myself the gift of 24

hours. If a request was made of me, I would tell whomever, “I will get back to you

in 24 hours.” This gave me time to go inside, check with my Integrity Alignment

Monitor, and get back to the person. Never wanting to be the victim of my choices,

I became a conscious co-creator of them.

Transformational Action Steps




2. ENHANCE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH THE UNIVERSE

A. Make a list of experiences from the past that you are still making wrong,

situations you wished had been different, people you resent for wronging you

in some ways.

B. Write out the story you have around them – that negative dialogue that swirls

around your head about how the people or situations were not how you thought

they should be. As you do this just notice who it makes you feel… Imprisoned

or empowered? Fearful or fiercely confident?

C. Go back and re-interpret the situations. See how they have served you, what you

learned as a result. If they all transpired to help your soul evolve and grow, what

are the lessons that you can see they brought you and how has that served or

benefited you.

The fact is that when it comes to interpretations – positive or negative, neither

is more true. To ignite your fierce confidence, you must affirm the benevolent

partner and ally that you always have by your side, and you do that by recogniz-

ing that it has always been there supporting your highest evolution!

3. TAKE ON “CLAIMING YOUR WHOLE SELF AND YOUR LIFE!”

A. Make a list of 10 qualities in yourself that you view as negative, or don’t want to

be. Allow yourself to identify how each quality has or could serve you. What is

the gift of each quality?

B. Identify some goal or achievement that you are chasing in the outer world. Ask

yourself, “What is the number one quality or characteristic that a person who

could achieve that goal would display or have?” Is it confidence? Discipline?

Charisma? Spontaneity? Or something else?

C. For the next 28 days, wake up every day and ask yourself, “What can I do today

to really own or display that quality?” Commit to yourself to do whatever action

or practice you hear.


DISCOVER THE EXHILARATION OF OWNING ALL OF WHO YOU ARE AND LIVING IN ALIGNMENT WITH YOUR DEEPEST TRUTHS AND GRANDEST DESIRES.

GET THE INTEGRITY ADVANTAGE BY KELLEY KOSOW

kelleykosow.com/the-book

CONNECT WITH KELLEY @KELLEYKOSOW

http://kelleykosow.com/the-book/

http://kelleykosow.com/the-book/

http://amzn.to/2xs3C3Q

https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-integrity-advantage-kelley-kosow/1125708923?ean=9781622039463

https://www.indiebound.org/book/9781622039463?aff=kelleykosow

https://www.facebook.com/kelleykosow/

https://www.instagram.com/kelleykosow/

https://www.youtube.com/kelleykosow

https://twitter.com/kelleykosow

http://affiliate.soundstrue.com/SHTA

Documents

Kelley Kosow - THE FACT IS THAT IN A ROOM FULL OF PEOPLE, … · 2017-10-04 · 2017 Kelley Kosow Not For Distribution | Personal Use Only | 6 | 2 OWN That You Are A Powerful Co-Creator