All Endings Are Difficult

In the Mechilta, an early Midrash collection, it says: ָקׁשֹותֶׁשָּכל ַהְתָחלֹות . That is, all beginnings are difficult. Walking into a new environment, beginning a new job, moving into a new home, and so forth, all create a pulse of anxiety that can go on for some time.

It is the very essence of newness, the edginess of the unknown, which keeps us off balance and makes for a very interesting ride. To a certain extent we rely on past experiences to parse a new one. We have to refer to some prior event in order to try keeping our balance. In the end, that can sometimes make things even more difficult, because what was is not always an indicator for what will be.

Having said all this, I question the notion of all beginnings as difficult. They can be so.But beginnings can also be thrilling, amazing, delightful, and refreshing. All beginnings are new opportunities: some are difficult.

No, my credo, one that I’ve been dwelling on for quite a number of months is: All endings are difficult. Packing up a dorm room, clipping back the dead daffodils, finishing a school year, watching my children graduate (from anything!), burying my Mom… In the swirl of all of these endings, some huge and terribly sad, other utterly quotidian, one piles up on the other.

The sadness of every goodbye ends up in one big psychic pile. That’s why endings are so difficult. Because no matter how disparate they are, every ending touches back on the one before. It’s an endlessly recapitulating process. I’m not a strict Freudian, so I’m not certain if this leads to the first ending as leaving the womb, but that’s plausible. And parting is such sweet sorrow. Every ending is woven together with the one that preceded it.

All things must come to an end. All things must pass. I think bedtime with small children is hard because they hate for it all to end – they truly know so much more is going on – just not for them. The lights must go off.

I know I sound mournful. Because I am. Because endings are difficult. Because letting go of my children fills me with sadness and paradoxically with satisfaction. I know that their independence is a great victory. And I know that next year I will have an empty nest after 27 years.

As I get out the shorts and the flip flops and the various accoutrements of summer, as I get the coolers from the basement, as I rejoice in the prospect of some rest and relaxation for the summer, I get directed away from the sadness of endings to the promises of a new year and its beginnings. It’s the tightrope of life.

With you I acknowledge the endings and I thank God for the beginnings and the blessings of love and sunshine and the bittersweet balancing act. Have a safe summer.

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