A Puglication for People

Here Comes June Bug!

Interview with a Cat

Break Any Squeaker

Giving you a dog’s-eye view of the world.

Winter 2011Vol. 1 Issue 1

$till Just 3 Treats

Welcome to JB, my new Puglication for People. I’m June Bug, a two and half year old pug, which in dog-years means it’s time for me to get a job. I like to play a lot, and I really

don’t like being bossed around, so instead of some minimum wage game of fetch, I decided to strike out on my own with this magazine. It helped a lot that one of my people had to do this for a class, and that I’m pretty much the only thing my other person ever takes pictures of, so there’s a lot them to choose from, just like toys.

The idea is to give you a dog’s eye view of the world, because from down here it’s a pretty fun place where playing and napping are serious business.

I really hope JB will be printed, so I will finally be allowed on the coffee table. Also, if it’s printed, it could help house train puppies and give them something more interesting than yesterday’s newspapers to read when going potty. But I’m told that will probably never happen, because you humans live in a digital world, where your whelps are being house

broken on iPiddle-pads. Too bad, but on the other hand, this will be really hard to roll up.

In print or not, we got a lot of great stuff for you in this issue, and I had a lot of fun doing it. (I have a lot of fun doing everything I do.) There are the Top 10 Things That Make You Tilt Your Head, and this month’s how to guide features two of my favorite things—squeaker toys and destruction. And just because we like to have fun here at JB, doesn’t mean that we will shy away from the tough stuff. To prove it, we take on one of the toughest interviews in the business when we sit down with Cat.

Lets Play!

1. Things that might be treats!

2. People asking if you want to go for a walk. Duh, of course, we do!

6.People talking nonsense using high pitched voices like you’re stupid

7. Politicians. Oh, wait, I just said that.

8. People yelling at you when you’re just playing.

9. Healthcare reform

11. Counting

3. Cats

4. New Stuff—what’s that!?

5. Cameras

Last year, I got a cat to keep me company while my people spend the day hiding from me. I think they don’t like that I can’t find them, because when they show up around dinner time they often seem angry and frustrated. So I make them play.But sometimes it seems like they’re gone a really long time. One day, about a year ago, they brought home a cat. Her name’s Catalina. We call her Cat. She was kind of tiny at first and I thought I was going to break her for sure, but she turned out to be much more resilient than other toys and even most other animals who play with me—they all wear out (see How to break any squeaker in 20 minutes or less).

Cat’s not the first cat I ever had. When I was a puppy, I had two, but they were very old. They were very good nappers. After awhile they stopped working and never stopped napping. Cat’s a lot more fun (but not as good of a napper). I thought you’d like to get to know her better, so we sat down by the window and I asked her a few questions.

JB: Where did you live before you came here?Cat: …JB: How do you like living here?Cat: …JB: Wanna play?Cat: …JB: You get some really great tasting food. I like it when mom lets me lick the spoon. Do you think that’s why I like to eat your poo—Hey, what’s that? I have to go bark at that! About five minutes later…JB: I don’t think that will be coming back around here again; I really barked at it good, whatever it was. How come you don’t bark?Cat: …JB: It’s not like I’m asking about the mysterious disappearance of all those birds and the feathers in the house, you can talk to me.Cat: …JB: When we’re playing in the yard, how do you do that thing where you jump straight up in the air and I run right under you? Cat: …JB: Did Jackie Chan teach you that? Cat: …

Cat

Cat’s not my first...

Boo-Boo taught me everything about looking out windows long before Cat came along.

He was also very warm and taught me even more about napping than looking out windows, Cat’s not as good of a napper, but she’s learning.

“It’s not like I’m asking about the mysterious disappearance of all those birds...”

JB: Cause I’m a Pug, which makes me Chinese, so you would think that I wou— Cat suddenly smacks June Bug in the head and takes off, running up the steps with

June Bug in hot Pursuit. About 15 minutes later…

HOW TO BREAK ANY SQUEAKERIn 20 Minutes or Less (Guaranteed)

Got a new toy? Does it squeak? Isn’t that cool? Let’s break it!

I’m an expert destroyer of many things, but nothing is as short-lived in my house as the squeaker in any new toy. Here’s my step-by-step, fool-proof method for breaking any squeaker

1.Find some dopey person foolish enough to buy you a new toy with a squeaker in it.2. Get very excited.3. Clench it in your mouth so that your teeth are over the squeaker. You will know that you are in the correct position if when you bite down, it squeaks.4. Bite down.5.Repeat step 4 in rapid succession. It should sound something like this: squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeakity-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeaky-squeakity-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeaky-squeak-squeak-squeakity-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeaky-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeakity-squeak-squeak-squeak-

squeak-squeaky-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeakity-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-

squeaky-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeakity-squeak-squeak-squeak-

squeak-squeak-squeak-squeaky-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeaky-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak-squeak...

6. You can tell when you’re about halfway done, because at about that

point any people within earshot will start yelling at you. Pause long enough to look at them and tilt your head.7. Go back to step number 5.

The Other Side of the Fence: Does that dog get more treats than you?

The 10 Best Things to Pee OnHow to Pull the Piping Out of the Sofa Cushions (And Eat It)

Next issue:

CreditsConcept & Content: June BugPhotos: Julie DavisHeavy Lifting: Chris Davis