Founded in 1949 The Newspaper of Imperial College Union

Prince

gives

Mooney

thumbs

up: f P R I N C E P H I L L I P payed a

visit to IC on Wednesday to

c h a i r t h e T e n t h G e n e r a l

C o u n c i l of the D u k e of E d i n ­

b u r g h A w a r d Scheme. Over

400 delegates f r o m al l over

B r i t a i n and 100 f r o m over­

seas attended.

T h e y w e r e w e l c o m e d b y t h e

R e c t o r a t 1 1 : 0 0 a m , a n d t h e n

p r o c e e d e d t o d i s c u s s t h e p r o g r e s s

o f t h e s c h e m e w h i c h " . . . is

i n t e n d e d t o h e l p w i t h b o t h t h e

y o u n g a n d t h o s e p e o p l e w h o t a k e

a n i n t e r e s t i n t h e i r w e l f a r e . It is

d e s i g n e d as a n i n t r o d u c t i o n t o

l e i s u r e t i m e a c t i v i t i e s , a c h a l l e n g e

t o t h e i n d i v i d u a l t o p e r s o a n l

a c h i e v e m e n t , a n d as a g u i d e t o

t h o s e p e o p l e a n d o r g a n i s a t i o n s

w h o a r e c o n c e r n e d a b o u t t h e

d e v e l o p m e n t o f o u r f u t u r e

c i t i z e n s . " H R H

A f t e r ' O p p o r t u n i t y f o r a l l — a

R e a l i t y ? — a n a d d r e s s b y L o r d

P e r r y o f W a l t o n , a n d a ' D i s c u s s i o n

w i t h p a r t i c u l a r r e f e r e n c e t o

y o u n g u n e m p l o y e d , y o u n g

p e o p l e i n e m p l o y m e n t a n d

d i s a d v a n t a g e d g r o u p s ' , t h e

d e l e g a t e s a d j o u r n e d f o r l u n c h .

B e i n g s e r v e d i n t h e J C R , l u n c h

w a s p r o v i d e d b y t h e C o l l e g e

c a t e r e r , M r M o o n e y , a n d c o m ­

p r i s e d o f F i s h K e d g e r e e , T o m a t o

S a l a d , C h i c k e n P i l a f f , P i l a u R i c e

F r u i t S a l a d , G r a p e f r u i t C o c k t a i l ,

S a u t e K i d n e y s a u J e r e z , C h i c k e n

v o l a u v e n t R e g e n c y , C r o q u e t t e

P o t a t o e s , S a l a d C r o q u e n b a c h ,

C h e e s e , F r e n c h B r e a d a n d

C o f l i e e , s u f f i c i e n t f o r 5 5 0 h u n g r y

s o u l s — a l l w a s h e d d o w n w i t h

2 5 0 b o t t l e s o f w i n e .

B0 ROMPS HOME

M a r g a r e t V a l l a n c e , P r e s s

O f f i c e r f o r t h e A w a r d S c h e m e

c o m m e n t e d t o F E L I X t h a t t h e

f o o d h a d b e e n ' e x c e l l e n t ' a n d

o f f e r e d h e r c o n g r a t u l a t i o n s o n ,

o u r h a v i n g s u c h a s u p e r b c a t e r e r

i n C o l l e g e . It w o u l d a p p e a r t h a t

t h e e n t i r e o c c a s i o n w a s a g r e a t

s u c c e s s f r o m a l m o s t e v e r y o n e ' s

p o i n t o f v i e w — t h e D u k e ' s a n d

t h e d e l e g a t e s ' a r r i v a l a t a n d

d e p a r t u r e f r o m C o l l e g e b e i n g so

w e l l o r g a n i s e d a s t o b e a l m o s t

u n n o t i c e d b y t h e m a j o r i t y o f

s t u d e n t s . I n d e e d , w h e n F E L I X

a s k e d C a p t a i n L i n d l e y h o w

m a n y v i s i t o r s h a d b e e n h e r e , h e

s a i d : " I d o n ' t k n o w , I d o n ' t

s t a n d a n d c o u n t ' e m , a n d i t ' s n o t

u p t o m e t o c o u n t t h e m e i t h e r " .

W h e n p r e s s e d f u r t h e r o n t h e

p o i n t , h e s a i d , " O h G o d , I d o n ' t

k n o w " .

F E L I X w o u l d l i k e t o a p o l o g i s e

t o C a p t a i n L i n d l e y f o r t h i n k i n g

t h a t h e s h o u l d k n o w .

IT W A S sunshine all the way for the drivers and passengers

taking part in this year's R A C L o n d o n to Brighton Run for

veteran cars. Thousands of spectators were out early on Sunday

morning to see the 282 starters set off from Serpentine Row in

London 's Hyde Park at the start of the 53-mile run to Brighton's

seafront.

A c o n t i n g e n t o f G u i l d s m e n ,

s o m e d r e s s e d i n p y j a m a s , g a v e B o

a c h e e r as t h e t w o c y l i n d e r 1 9 0 2

J a m e s & B r o w n e s t a r t e d f r o m

H y d e P a r k .

B o d r i v e r , C h r i s R o l p h , h a d a n

e v e n t f u l j o u r n e y . A t P u r l e y h e

h e a r d ' k n o c k i n g n o i s e s ' c o m i n g

f r o m t h e e n g i n e . D e s p i t e a f e w

p r o b l e m s . B o , a n d p a s s e n g e r s

C h r i s G y o t , D a v e G a y e r a n d S u e

R i d d a r r i v e d a t B r i g h t o n a t

1 : 0 0 p m .

1 0 0 G u i l d s m e n g a v e B o a

w a r m w e l c o m e w i t h a s t o r m i n g

B o o m a l a k a a s it m o t o r e d a l o n g

t h e B r i g h t o n p r o m e n a d e .

A n d y R u s h t o n , w i t h p a s s e n g e r

J o A r m i t a g e , s u c c e s s f u l l y r o d e

t h e N e r - a - C a r a l l t h e w a y to

B r i g h t o n . Jez a n d a p a r t y f r o m

R C S a l s o w e n t t o B r i g h t o n b u t

d i d n o t t a k e p a r t i n t h e R a l l y

A f t e r l u n c h t h e G u i l d s m e n

t o o k o v e r t h e d o d g e m s a n d b i g

w h e e l w i t h t h e d a y t r a d i t i o n a l l y

e n d i n g w i t h a d i p i n t h e s e a .

No 566 Friday, November 7,1980

Dear Sir

It is always difficult to defend

any illegal activity — anyone

who feels slightly affronted

immediately has a very big stick

to beat you with. C B is illegal,

and will remain so for a while

yet, and I fully realise the

implications of its use. However,

I am sure I am not alone in

thinking of 'he benefits a legal

C B would bring to the country as

it has in many other countries.

M y personal use of any equip­

ment is my look-out, as I can,

indeed, be prosecuted — just in

the same manner as I can be

done for speeding.

M y original intention was, and

still is, to form a social club of

people interested in C B radio to

apply pressure for its legalisation

on 27MHz as soon as possible,

rather than promote i l legal

act iv i ty , which is up to the

individual.

I have said all I want to say-

about the technical side ( F E L I X

5 6 4 ) and shall conclude this letter

by saying that if anyone is

interested they can put a letter in

the Meeh Eng letter-racks —

under l F \ This is the Ferret

going 10-8, 10-10.

The Ferret (Esq)

Real name and address supplied.

Dear Sir

I have been fo l lowing the

correspondence on C B with some

interest, and h a v i n g strong

feelings on the matter actually

wrote a letter on the subject last

week. As this would have required

a 99-page F E L I X supplement, it

was not printed, and so I would

like, having squeezed as much

venom and contempt out of them

as possible, to present the main

points here, in the hope that they

constitute a reasonable summary ,

of the pros and cons.

1) If some form of r a d i o

communication between private

citizens was legalised, it would

not only be fun, but useful.

2) The operation of imported

27MHz CB equipment causes

gross interference to the legal

users of not only the 27MHz

b a n d , but to many services

I outside it, e.g. aircraft landing 1 systems, etc (see Government

d iscuss ion d o c u m e n t ' O p e n

Channel*).

3) Channel 16 is not the only

one causing trouble.

4) Radio Amateurs do not

particularly want "to dominate

the airwaves". We haven't got all

that m u c h f r e q u e n c y space

anyway, considering the number

of people in the world who use it.

5) For simple, friendly local

contacts, 2m F M should suit the

C B e r s perfectly. A suitable

license is very easy to obtain.

6) Police do not automatically

turn a blind eye to C B operation.

If anyone is really interested in

radio communication and would

like to get involved without

c r a s h i n g a e r o p l a n e s or o ld

people's alarms, I would invite

them to come along one Wednes­

day afternoon to H A M S O C ' s

little abode in the Union Building.

Tours faithfully

J Savage

Physics 3

G 8 R R D

Dear Sir

I have been asked to reply to

M a t t h e w H u n t b a c h ' s letter,

printed in F E L I X no 565.

His letter is a hot-potch of

disconnected jottings that served

to warn me of how liberally

afflicted with tunnel vision a

student politician can become.

He writes that the Government

is not 'putting much priority on

profit-sharing' and 'that workers

do not get any direct benefit from

being competitive and thus do

not have any incentive'.

Traditionally firms have paid

higher rates for overtime and

now many are trying to introduce

a productivity element into their

pay seitlements. This is a type of

p r o f i t - s h a r i n g and certainly

provides an incentive to be

competitive. There is little more

for the Government to do. It has

however enhanced the value of

such arrangements by reducing,

at all levels, the rate of direct

taxation.

He goes on to say that mono­

polies can exist under private

o w n e r s h i p a n d c o m p e t i t i o n

under public ownership. I agree

but feel bound to point out that,

in this country at least, the

opposite is more likely to apply.

Where this is happening the

Government is aiming to allow

private enterprise to compete.

British Airways is facing competi­

tion from British Caledonian anu

air fares on national routes have

fallen, making prices compare

favourably with corresponding

train fares. This Government has

also given private coach operators

the chance to compete with the

National Bus Company. 'Inter-

C i t y ' coach prices have been

reduced, demonstrat ing that

faith in private enterprise does

not go unrewarded at least not

for you or me — the consumer.

Matthew then goes on to say

that S i r K e i t h J o s e p h was

inhumane to suggest 'that people

should accept lower wages to get

jobs'.

Now an employee is unlikely to

move to a lower paid job. Maybe

Sir Keith meant that an unem­

ployed person should accept

lower wages to get a job. But an

unemployed person receives no

wage so, that doesn't hold. The

implication must therefore be

that an unemployed person

should expect to receive a lower

wage than had previously been

anticipated. This might be good

advice to those who read or hear

about how wage 'claims' 'could'

result in . . . etc. Expectations are

bound to be raised by such

reporting and by the exaggerated

talk of associates. If someone

unemployed pays heed to Sir

Keith's advice then his words will

have borne fruit indeed. Because

there is, as I hope Matthew is

well aware, more to a job than

financial reward.

In the final paragraph it was

c l a i m e d that C o n s e r v a t i v e

policies are 'designed to ensure

that real power and ownership

lies in the hands of a small and

privileged elite' — rubbish.

The continuing intent to sell

council houses, the aim to allow

private enterprise to challenge

state monopolies and the desire

to switch from direct to indirect

taxation show that the Govern­

ment is t r y i n g to give the

c o n s u m e r m o r e e c o n o m i c

f r e e d o m , more choice and

therefore more contro l . T h e

Government still has a long way

to go but it has set out in the

correct direction.

Tours faithfully

Mark Clegg

Chairman of IC Con Soe

Dear Steve,

I would like to reply to M r

Teeloek's somewhat emotive

letter last week with a few points

I c o n s i d e r re levant to the

situation:

1) As I have previously ex­

plained, both decisions regarding

the T V L o u n g e were made

during Malcolm's term of office

and thus I had assumed he had

informed Snooker Club.

2) He states "for a long time

now, the room has been the

meeting place of Snooker C l u b " .

I w a s n o t a w a r e o f t h i s , a n d

i n d e e d , it s h o u l d n o t h a v e b e e n

so . S n o o k e r C l u b h a v e t h e i r o w n

r o o m , c a n b o o k a c o m m i t t e e

r o o m f o r a n o f f i c i a l m e e t i n g l i k e

a n y . o t h e r c l u b , a n d c e r t a i n l y

h a v e n o r i g h t t o t h e r o o m s i m p l y

b e c a u s e it is n e x t d o o r t o t h e i r s

a n d w a s n o t u s e d a t l u n c h t i m e s

t o r a l o n g t i m e .

3 ) H e g i v e s t h e a r g u m e n t s

u s e d i n t h e p a s t a n d s tates t h a t h e

" w a s g i v e n a d i s t i n c t i m p r e s s i o n

last y e a r t h a t t h e C l u b w o u l d ,

p r o b a b l y b e g e t t i n g a t a b l e t h i s

y e a r " . I ' m a f r a i d h e w a s m i s l e d ,

a s l a s t y e a r ' s o f f i c e r s c a n n o t

c o n t r o l w h a t t h i s y e a r ' s U n i o n

F i n a n c e C o m m i t t e e w i l l d e c i d e

a f t e r d u e c o n s i d e r a t i o n o f t h e

c i r c u m s t a n c e s .

4) H o u s e C o m m i t t e e a r e n o t

m y ' b o s o m f r i e n d s ' ( v e r y w i t t y ! ) ,

t h e m e m b e r s a r e e l e c t e d , t w o

f r o m C o u n c i l , a n d t w o f r o m t h e

s t u d e n t b o d y , i . e . . a n y m e m b e r o f

S n o o k e r C l u b ( o r I C W A f o r t h a t

m a t t e r ) c o u l d h a v e s t o o d . I f t h e

c o m m i t t e e ' s i n t e n t i o n w a s t o get

r i d o f I C W A , I ' m s u r e it c o u l d

h a v e d o n e b e t t e r , i .e . t h e l a d i e s '

t o i l e t s c o n f o r m e x a c t l y t o t h e

r e l e v a n t c l a u s e i n t h e B y - l a w s :

" A p o r t i o n o f t h e U n i o n B u i l d i n g s

s h a l l b e set a s i d e l o r t h e use o f t h e

m e m b e r s o f t h e I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e

W o m e n ' s A s s o c i a t i o n " . I a m a l s o

s u r e a n y o f t h e m is c a p a b l e o f

p r o p o s i n g t h e a p p r o p r i a t e B y ­

l a w c h a n g e a t a U G M .

5) U n i o n F i n a n c e C o m m i t t e e

( o f w h i c h I a m a l s o t h e C h a i r m a n ,

i .e . I d o n o t h a v e a d e l i b e r a t i v e

v o t e a t e i t h e r C o m m i t t e e ) is

c o m p o s e d o f t h e p r e s i d e n t s o f t h e

C C U s , t h e C h a i r m e n o f t h e

m a j o r s u b - c o m m i t t e e s , a n d t w o

o r d i n a r y m e m b e r s ( w h i c h a g a i n

anyone c a n s t a n d f o r ) . A l l a r e

e l e c t e d b y t h e i r v a r i o u s b o d i e s ,

w h o p r e s u m a b l y c o n s i d e r e d

t h e m r e s p o n s i b l e e n o u g h t o

" h a n d l e r o u g h l y £ 1 2 , 0 0 0 o f your

m o n e y " ' w h e n t h e y v o t e d f o r

t h e m .

6) I w o u l d s u g g e s t t h a t c a l l i n g

t h e c o m m i t t e e " s e l f - c e n t r e d

h a c k s " a n d " t w a t s w h o r e a l l y g e l

u p m y n o s e " is n o t g o i n g to

p e r s u a d e t h e m to s p e n d £ 2 , 7 5 0

o n S n o o k e r C l u b ' s t a b l e a t M a j o r

C l a i m s o n T u e s d a y .

1 ours sinterely

R a c h e l S n e e

Dear Mr Marshall

I a m w r i t i n g o n b e h a l f o f M r

M o r t o n i n r e p l y to t h e l e t t e r f r o m

M e s s r s F ' o x a n d O ' B o y l e . M r

M o r t o n w o u l d r e p l y h i m s e l f , b u t

h e is c u r r e n t l y a t t e n d i n g B R A I N

( B r i t i s h R a c e g o e r s A s s o c i a t i o n

I n q u i r y o n N o b b i n g ) . Y o u r

r e a d e r s w i l l u n d o u b t e d l y r e a l i s e

h o w i m p o r t a n t t h i s I n q u i r y is

w i t h t h e F o x - O ' B o y l e M e m o r i a l

H a n d i c a p C h a s e t o t a k e p l a c e i n

t h e n e a r f u t u r e . T h e q u e s t i o n o f

N o b b i n g h a s b e e n r a i s e d as w e

b e l i e v e s o m e r u n n e r s a n d r i d e r s

Page 2 FELIX, November 7, 1980

have been gaining unfair a d v a n ­

tage by this process ( n o t a b l y

G u n n e r r idden by H u r d y G u r d y ) .

However , I digress. M r M o r t o n

had no intention of offending two

such illustrious Associates of the

R o y a l C o l l e g e o f S c i e n c e as

Messrs Fox and O ' B o y l e . M r

M o r t o n believes that his sources

of idiosyncratic inspiration are at

least as good, if not better than,

those of F o x a n d O ' B o y l e . H e

t h e r e f o r e b e l i e v e s t h a t these

gentlemen would be p r o u d to

have their names associated with

such an event and that their

d e m a n d for an apology is both

u n w a r r a n t e d a n d p r e m a t u r e .

J u d g e by the event, F o x a n d

O ' B o y l e . M r M o r t o n is certain it

will be up to your own idiosyn­

cratic standards and an apology

for using your names will be

issued if it is not.

M r M o r t o n hopes the doubt ing

tone of the letter from Fox a n d

O ' B o y l e wil l not prevent entries

f looding in for the race. W e wil l

show how well we can manage

without them!

} ours sincerely

R o c k M i n t o n

H e a d L a d to M r M o r t o n ' s Stable

F o r t w o w e e k s i n a r o w

( F E L I X 565 and 566), you have

p u b l i s h e d i n y o u r E d i t o r i a l s

untrue a n d actionable statements

about me, presented as if they

were facts and mixed with your

characteristic 'presumably 's and

hearsays. W h i l e it is not worth

my time to c o m m e n t on your

p r e s u m p t i o n s , it is a b s o l u t e l y

n e c e s s a r y to c h a l l e n g e y o u r

' f a c t s ' a n d set t h e r e c o r d s

straight.

O n 2 1 / 1 0 / 8 0 , I received a call

from I C U H o n Sec (E Lindsay)

asking who would be seconding

my mot ion at the U G M . In the

discussion that followed (over the

phone a n d in the U n i o n Office

less than five minutes later), I d id

N O T say, or give the impression,

that M a r y A t t e n b o r o u g h had

backed out' of anything . T h e r e

was a witness present. I therefore

c h a l l e n g e y o u to s u b s t a n t i a t e

your aspersion that the contrary

is true.

M a r y herself savs she d id not

'back out ' . Y o u have alleged in

print'that she d i d . Therefore , the

onus is on you to produce any

concrete evidence you may have

to s u p p o r t y o u r p o s i t i o n . B y

publ i shing the d a m a g i n g state­

ment in your E d i t o r i a l , you have

erred on points of fact a n d of law.

A n d if you have any knowledge

of I C U constitutional documents

at al l , you would accept that the

F E L I X E d i t o r is responsible for

facts in his E d i t o r i a l , irrespective

of the initial source of his alleged

m i s - i n f o r m a t i o n . It is u n ­

believable that an E d i t o r should

c la im he is not responsible for a

statement he wrote a n d published!

A n y decent E d i t o r , if he c o m ­

mitted the b lunder at al l , would

have apologised to M a r y by now.

S i n c e y o u h a v e so far not

p r o v e d y o u r s e l f s u f f i c i e n t l y

conversant with the basic p r i n ­

ciples a n d practice of responsible

journalism, one should not take

seriously your latest attempt to

dabble in matters of law. Indeed

it is astonishing that someone

w h o has p u b l i s h e d n u m e r o u s

actionable Editorials and lead

stories should^hint of l itigation.

People who live in glass houses

are better advised not to throw

stones recklessly.

If you want to debate the issue

f u r t h e r — I ' v e n o t i m e for

trivalities — you can take me up

on the pages of F E L I X or on the

lloor of the U G M . I shall accept,

provided there is a guarantee of

equal writ ing space or speaking

time lor each side, with neither

cheating. F o r one side to mis-use

office by publ ishing his views

while preventing the reply of the

o t h e r f r o m b e i n g p r i n t e d is

c o w a r d l y , u n a c c e p t a b l e a n d

unconsitutional .

D a r e Afo labi

M e c h E n g P G

Ed's Comment

D e a r D e n n i s , ,

I regard you as a compulsive liar of

the most detestable kind. O n the

last day for accepting motions, L i z

Lindsay received a call from you in

which you said that although you

had not asked M a r y Attenborough

" y o u felt sure she would agree to

second the m o t i o n " . L i z tried to

phone M a r y , but was unable to

contact her. Just before the closing

d e a d l i n e y o u r a n g b a c k a n d

w i t h d r e w M a r y a n d suggested

someone called Fernando.

I resent your letter and all of

your other letters, and I don't like

the way you have treated M a r y in

this matter; I think you owe her an

apology.

I too have no time for trivialities

and hence I have no wish to discuss

the matter (whatever it is!) any

further.

Y O L J elected me to Office and

Y O U have the power to remove

me, why don't you exercise your

rights? I regard you as a crackpot

and will tolerate you no longer.

Y o u may consider your right of

reply in print to this comment

u n a c c e p t a b l e a n d u n c o n s t i t u ­

tionally withdrawn in a cowardly

manner if vou like.

Last Orders for

Ken O N F R I D A Y , O c t o b e r 24, K e n

N e w t o n (Sports C e n t r e R e c e p ­

t i o n i s t ) w a s s u s p e n d e d f r o m

duty by C h i e f Security Officer ,

M r Reeves. Last T h u r s d a y , a

d i s c i p l i n a r y c o m m i t t e e sat to

discuss M r Newton 's e m p l o y ­

ment. T h e committee decided

to al low M r N e w t o n to submit

his resignation.

In the past, M r N e w t o n h a d

r e c i e v e d t w o w a r n i n g s i n

w r i t i n g a n d n u m e r o u s v e r b a l

cautions from Col lege c o n c e r n ­

ing his abusive language, a n d

p e r p e t u a l l y i n e b r i a t e d s tate ,

w h i c h often resulted in i rregul ­

arities in his till at the sports

centre.

RCM Director

snubs FEUX

F E L I X is n o l o n g e r t o be

distributed a r o u n d the R . C . M .

O r i g i n a l l y copies were left in

t h e e n t r a n c e h a l l , b u t t h e

D i r e c t o r d i d not approve of a

' f o r e i g n ' p u b l i c a t i o n b e i n g

c irculated in the Col lege . T h e

President of the R . C . M . S t u ­

dents Association agreed to keep

a l l c o p i e s i n h i s o f f i c e f r o m

where they c o u l d be picked up

by students. Inevitably, d e m a n d

w a s n o t v e r y h i g h , a n d t h e

President has decided that in

future he wi l l only collect 20 or

30 each week.

Which is Witch?

-Dancing to the 'Monster Mash' at this year's Halloween Party-

Perennial favourite of ghoul and disco freak alike, the Halloween Party

was again crowded with merry-makers. Tony West's Acme Disco kept

things moving, and the witching hour passed without the bat of an eyelid

(or the eyelid of a bat?). See you at next year's reincarnation.

Size 20 Soars

M A N Y A G u i l d s m a n gathered

in Beit Q u a d on Wednesday to

c e l e b r a t e t h e f a i l u r e o f G u y

Fawkes ' 375 years ago.

Despite conditions conducive

to permafrost the c r o w d witness­

ed quite a few fireworks, a ided

a n d abetted by a G u i l d s barbe-

que.

T h e evening c u l m i n a t e d in

the l a u n c h i n g of ' T h e M o n s t e r ' ,

a 'Size 20 Skyrocket with c h a i n

of stars-red to green. ' , as m a n u ­

factured by S t a n d a r d .

Rae out for

the count I N O R D E R T O c o u n t t h e

large quantities of lOp pieces

collected from the machines in

the U n i o n L o u n g e , the U n i o n

F i n a n c e C o m m i t t e e has decided

to buy a special machine . T h e

m a c h i n e wi l l cost about ,£200.

R a e Snee pointed out that at

p r e s e n t it t a k e s U n i o n s t a f f

about twelve hours to do the

j o b w h i c h , w i t h the help of the

m a c h i n e , she wil l now do all by

h e r s e l f . F o r t h i s r e a s o n R a e

believes this to be a very cost-

effective purchase.

F E L I X , November 7, 1980 Page 3

IC Radio There's a new half hour Droqramme on IC Radio

from this Friday evening. Going by the name of

"Don't Touch That Dia l " , it's a collection of

music, interviews and features that you won't

hear anywhere else — definitely! A team of eaoer

young radio journalists from the London College

of Printing are putting the programme together,

and they'll welcome your views and comments on

how you'll like the show. Tune in at 8 o'clock for an

earful

The first programme includes a feature on

Kinky Friedman the first Jewish country and

western star, a report on cannabis growing in

France with the Government's blessing, and hints

on how to cut a dash this winter in the latest

urban guerrilla outfits.

PG Football A l t h o u g h a postgrad football tournament

would, by necessity have to played outside of a bed, we don't really expect the standard to be very high, the point is that people enjoy playing. Many postgrads have difficulty in getting away during the afternoon so that an indoor five-a-side competition may be most feasible for this term; in addition there are a number of eleven-aside teams who would welcome offers of games. All this requires organisation, so as a start maybe interested individuals could come along to our meeting oh Monday, November 10 at one o'clock in the Senior Common Room (in the Union Building) where hopefully we can get some idea of the n u m b e r s i n v o l v e d , a n d the k i n d of arrangements which would suit people best; anyone who is interested but has an aversion to meetings should leave a note for me, care of Chem Eng.

Marcus Karolewski

Last Week's Competition Thanks for the flood of entries to the "What I

would do with £500 of Union money if John

Passmore had not got to it before I could"

essay competition. After sifting through all of

the entries I have finally decided on the

following two joint winners; prize £2.50 each.

- Ed.

Dear Steve

What would I do if I had got my hands on

the £500 of U n i o n money before J o h n

Passmore? Well. I would have bought a new

set o f shirts and started running a second

rugby team. Then I would be able to give a

game.to all the ex-Gaelic footballers who

now want to play rugby because they have

realised that, however well John Passmore

organises a team, there are no pitches,

referees or opposition within 300 miles of

London.

Yours

Tim Latham

Captain R C S Rugby Club

RCSA Careers The R C S A is organising a Careers Brains Trust on Thursday, November 20 at 6:30pm in the J C R Sherfield. This is an informal evening with free refreshments. The event aims to give final-year students an opportunity to talk with old students about jobs, careers and prospects in the outside world.

Representatives will be present from a wide range of occupations and at many levels; from industry, schools, commerce and government, and in management, research, sales, finance, etc.

This should be very informative even if you already know what you want to do next year.

In Memoriam, £500 of Union Money

S o fare* sll then, £500, of U n i o n money,

A s u m trivial

W h e n compared to

F a r

Larger sums spent on

J C R refarnishing

M y friend Ke i th

Says House Committee

Dec ided

Not to

F u r n i s h the J C R

A l l at once

But it

W a s done anyway

Democracy is a

Wonderful

Thing.

Perhaps the

M o s t democratic

U s e of U n i o n money

W o u l d be

The one taken advantage of

By most IC students,

M a y b e

Providing more T V s

F o r Southside residents

O r even

A tedious

J C R booze up.

M y friend Keith 's m u m

Suggests that we

Erect a gibbet

In Beit Q u a d

And hang

Errant

U n i o n Officers.

A n y suggestions

F o r first up?

E Jarvis — Only (23)

flunt fteidre

Visits friends

Episode One

At the railway station the 10:30p.m. express

from Southend was late. The porters weeded

the flowerbed — it had not been done for

some while. A passenger sat conspicuously

alone.

"How do you print tickets?" asked Aunt

Deidre at the appropriate office.

"With a machine," replied the belligerent officer.

Far from being put off, Aunt Deidre continued with

her enquiries, but the clerk turned disinterestedly

away.

Pa<Jk4 FELIX, November 7, 1980

Work in Shell covers II areas of activity.

Mechanical Engineers make an important contribution in all of them.

A number of people, including some Undergraduates,

have the idea that an oi l company can offer little scope to

Mechanical Engineers. Yet, as far as Shel l is concerned,

nothing could be further from the truth.

Y o u wi l l find the wide range of work of many

Mechanical Engineers described in our booklet

'Opportunities for Graduates, 1981', and this should

come as no surprise i f you think about the technical

scope of our activities. Spread more widely across the

world of Shel l than probably any other group of

professionals, we have a good few hundred Mechanical

Engineers with virtually unl imited scope to move into

any sphere, and there are scarcely any activities

equivalent to the 'shop floor'.

Early management involvement Right from your early months you wi l l be involved in

the management of engineering projects, for with Shel l

you are emphatically not someone who just solves

problems on paper. Planning and co-ordinating

programmes and negotiating with contractors w i l l all

be part of your task, working in small teams.

We shall expect you to do your problem-solving in a

context of great autonomy, while you are quite likely to

find yourself having to work out your own technology.

A n d you are certain to meet human problems as well as

mechanical ones.

M o s t people seem to like it that way.

Opportunities to acquire new skills Whatever your engineering interest at Universi ty ,

Shell can offer an enormous variety of possibilities,

particularly as we diversify our worldwide business.

T h e training and scope for career development,

including senior management opportunities, match the

wealth of experience we provide so that with Shel l you

can be qualified for any field. A n d you wi l l be

encouraged to acquire Chartered Engineer status in

your early years, doing professional work that satisfies

the Institution's requirements. We believe in growing

b u r own leaders and in making the fullest use of the best

brains around.

I f you're among the best of Undergraduates, and

particularly i f you're in your final year, you could well

find it worthwhile considering Shel l at least to the point

of looking at our 1981 booklet now at your Careers

Service. W e ' l l be meeting students early in the New

Year, telling them how they can

put their qualifications to

rewarding use.

O r get in touch with

A n n Simons, Recruitment

Div i s i on (F5) P N E E / 2 4 ,

Shell International

Petroleum Company L i m i t e d ,

Shel l Centre, L o n d o n S E i 7 N A .

Telephone: 01-934 2947.

FELIX, November 7, 1980 Page 5

WEDNESDAY BEER FESTIVAL I C R C h a p s C l u b U n i o n L o w e r L o u n g e

12th Nov RAGARAMA 7 : 3 0 p m

THURSDAY E X E C T O R T U R E Bei t Q u a d R C S L ' n i o n C o n c e r t H a l l

13th Nov L u n c h ) i m e SMOKING CONCERT 7 : 3 0 p m i

fbursday I3tb (!~fToocmber d 730 in the

« Union Concert ggtf '%kek £1 Rag & Drag Disco Fri Nov 14

FRIDAY 14th Nov

F L O A T BUILDING see y o u r

e c u

RAG & DRAG J C R 8 : 0 0 p m

D I S C O

SATURDAY 15th Nov

R A G PROCESSION C C U O i l i c e s

•fc 1 2 : 3 0 p m

SCAB NIGHT U n i o n C o n c e r t H a l l

7 : 3 0 p m

starring G O D

A N D SUPPORT with SMOKESTAK and B L U E MAX

featuring T H E H O U N D O F T H E BASKERVILLES plus special entertainment, an EROTIC INFERNO

Saturday, November 15, 7:30pm

Tickets from IC Union Office.

I n t e r - C C U 1 0 : 0 0 a m BAR NIGHT I ' n i o n B a t

SUNDAY RAFT RACE C C U Of f i ces 7 : 0 0 p m

16th Nov A L L STARS RUGBY Beit A r c h

1 2 : 3 0 p m

F O X / O ' B O Y L E MEMORIAL

HANDICAP CHASE

a l t e r B a r N i g h t

MONDAY P R A M RACE B e i t Q u a d F o l k C l u b C o n c e r i U n i o n L o w e r R e f e c t o r y

17th Nov L u n c h t i m e BOB PEGG 8 : 0 0 p m

Union Lower Refectory

Monday 17th Nov.

80p 800pm

* all girl band

Tuesday 18th Nov

8:00pm JCR

tickets 50p from CCU offices

Schoolgirls and Dirty Old Men

TUESDAY 18th Nov

WEDNESDAY 19th Nov

A e r o s o c

PAPER DARTS

a n d I n t e r - C C U

BOAT RACE

B e i t Q u a d

L u n c h t i m e

MORPHY DAY C C U Of f i c es

12:30 p m

M i n e s

DIRTY DISCO

J C R

8 : 0 0 p m

DRINK U L U DRY U L U , M a l e t St

M O R P H Y DAYtheshithttsthefan

SBooe at $sirst Site

T H U R S D A Y 20th Nov

Mech Eng 220

6:30pm 50p

„ Quildt'

8aftit i l

M O D E T T E S

+4 O T H E R B A N D S

2 F I L M S

F R I D A Y 21st Nov

U N I O N B U I L D I N G

7:30pm

Bar until 4:00am

£3.00

THURSDAY 20th Nov

DWILE FLONKING Be i t Q u a d

L t i n r h t i m e

RAG FILMS M e c h E n g 220

(USOpm

FRIDAY 21st Nov

DISGUSTING GAMES Be i t Q u a d

L u n c h ) i m e

GUILDS CARNIVAL L ' n i o n B u i l d i n g

7 : 3 0 p m

GO BACK HOME This article is written to reveal some of the difficult situations

that o v e r s e a s s t u d e n t s , g r a d u a t e s in par t i cu la r , are now

f a c i n g u n d e r the p r e s e n t s y s t e m . A l t h o u g h m y o w n

experience is being referred to, some points like high tuition

fees and the work permits are relevant to most overseas

students.

Mark Wong outlines the difficulties faced by overseas IC graduates when applying for a job in this country.

I came to Bri ta in four years

ago from H o n g K o n g (a British

colony) . A s I was b o r n in H o n g

K o n g I have a British passport

^i.e. British nationality) but I

am a British subject, not a British

citrjn: therefore I a m classified

as an overseas student. I came

t o I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e to d o

c h e m i c a l e n g i n e e r i n g a l t e r I

f i n i s h e d m y A l e v e l s i n o n e

year. I have learnt a lot, not 1

o n l y a c a d e m i c a l l y , these f o u r

years. I like this country a n d I

have made a lot of friends. I feel

accepted by most of the people

I have met, so I think I could

s e t t ' " i n this c o u n t r y . In m y

final year , I dec ided to settle

d o w n here a n d make a career in

c h e m i c a l engineering. It is not

o n l y b e c a u s e t h e r e a r e m o r e

o p p o r t u n i t i e s for a c h e m i c a l

e n g i n e e r h e r e t h a n in H o n g

K o n g , hut I c a n also contribute

more from both my educat ion

a n d cul tural b a c k g r o u n d .

I joined the m i l k r o u n d a n d

looked for a suitable j o b . After

some considerat ion, I chose a

list o f n i n e c o m p a n i e s , a l l of

them were oi l companies , c h e m ­

ical manufacturers or c h e m i c a l

engineering contractors. H o w ­

ever, I encountered a p r o b l e m

in getting a j o b , a n d that is, I

have to have a work permit in

o r d e r t o be e m p l o y e d . A n

e m p l o y e r who is interested in

e m p l o y i n g a n overseas worker

l i k e m y s e l f c a n a p p l y to the

H o m e Office o n behalf of the

o v e r s e a s w o r k e r f o r a w o r k

permit . H o w e v e r , the overseas

worker has to at least satisfy a

list of regulations la id d o w n by

the H o m e Office . In the past, it

was difficult but still possible to

get a work permit . In 1979, a

new legislation c a m e in m e a n i n g

t h a t t h e a p p l i c a n t o v e r s e a s

worker of the work permit must

be over the age of 23. T h i s rule, to

me, is put in just to stop most of

the overseas graduates getting a

j o b h e r e . T h e r e a r e o t h e r

r e g u l a t i o n s l i k e the e m p l o y e r

h a s to a d v e r t i s e t h e j o b i n

Br i ta in a n d other E E C countries

a n d show that he has no suitable

c a n d i d a t e from this c o u n t r y or

other. E E C country .

I w a s w a r n e d m a n y t i m e s

that it was likely to be extremely

d i f f i c u l t t o o b t a i n a w o r k

permit . Despite this, I went to

the first r o u n d of interviews. A

couple of companies d i d n ' t even

give me a first interview. O n e of

these companies stated clearly-

in the letter that it was because

they w o u l d not be able to get

me a work permit . I was turned

d o w n by another two companies '

after first interviews p r o b a b l y

also because of the work permit

p r o b l e m . Nevertheless, I received

s e v e n i n v i t a t i o n s f r o m f i v e

companies (some of these c o m ­

p a n i e s h a v e s u b s i d i a r i e s a n d

divisions) so, the first r o u n d of

interviews 'was successful given

m y p r o b l e m . T h e second r o u n d

of interviews was also reasonably

s u c c e s s f u l a l t h o u g h the w o r k

permit issue was inevitably raised

a n d discussed. T h i s issue was

certainly taken into account by

the employer before they decided

whether to offer me a j o b or not.

A t the e n d , I h a d three offers of

e m p l o y m e n t : one from an oil

c o m p a n y a n d the other two from

the same but different parts of an

international oil a n d chemica l

c o m p a n y . I then made u p m y

m i n d to j o i n the international oil

a n d c h e m i c a l giant. A good deal

of effort was then put in by the

c o m p a n y to p r e p a r e f o r the

appl icat ion of m y work permit . I

r e m a i n e d in L o n d o n after the

t h i r d year exams to wait for the

outcome of the appl icat ion . T h e

b a d news c a m e in e a r l y j u l y when

the H o m e Office turned d o w n my

a p p l i c a t i o n . T h e c o m p a n y

informed me of the result a n d that

we h a d the right to appeal against

the H o m e Office decision. A week

later, I got in touch with the

c o m p a n y a g a i n a n d I w a s

surprised a n d disappointed to

hear that the c o m p a n y , after

a week of careful consideration

w o u l d not appeal on m y behalf

because the chance of success

was extremely sl im. T h e y could

do nothing but to w i t h d r a w the

offer of e m p l o y m e n t .

I just don ' t understand why I

should not be al lowed to take

u p the j o b here when I have

h a d four years of good education.

T h e r e are employers looking for

good graduates, there are e m ­

p l o y e r s w h o c o u l d n o t f i n d

s u i t a b l e c a n d i d a t e s for t h e i r

vacancies and there are people

like myself being offered a job

but not al lowed to take it. E v e n

i f t h e r e w e r e n o s h o r t a g e o f

c h e m i c a l engineers, some large

companies can certainly absorb

more than they need and m a n ­

p o w e r is o n e o f t h e m o s t

important assets of a c o m p a n y .

T h e fact that I was offered a j o b

d i d not m e a n that a B r i t i s h

citizen was thrown out of work

or prevented from taking up a

job.

D e s p a i r e d w i t h t h e H o m e

Office decision, I c a m e back to

Col lege and tried to obtain a

scholarship or sponsorship to do

a further degree; by this time,

my degree was known — a very

good second upper.

I r a n i n t o d i f f i c u l t y a g a i n

because I a m not eligible for a

S R C g r a n t a n d m y fa m i l y

cannot afford m y fees a n d l iv ing

expenses ( T u i t i o n fees for over­

seas students at Imperial College

are £ 3 , 0 0 0 p a for session 198071,

a m i n i m u m s u m of £ 2 , 7 0 0 p a as

l iv ing expenses is r e c o m m e n d e d

by the L o n d o n Conference on

Overseas Students in consultation

w i t h the B r i t i s h C o u n c i l . ) It

w o u l d be d i f f i c u l t to ask a n

industrial sponsor to pay £ 5 , 7 0 0

a year to support a student for a

further degree, as he might as

w e l l e m p l o y the s t u d e n t a n d

give h i m £ 5 , 5 0 0 p a salary. I was

fortunate enough to get a fees

r e m i s s i o n f r o m the O v e r s e a s

Student Fees Support Scheme.

P r a c t i c a l l y f o r t h e 1 9 8 0 / 1

session I had only need to pay

£ l , 1 0 5 p a , as the tuition fees as I

l imited myself to those projects

and courses which have money

attached to them. I a m grateful

t h a t I c o u l d f i n d s o m e t h i n g

interesting and be sponsored to

do it.

H o w e v e r , there are m a n y sell-

sponsored students, both post- •

g r a d u a t e a n d u n d e r g r a d u a t e ,

who cannot afford the high fees.

It m e a n s that m a n y c a p a b l e

students who are interested in

d o i n g research a n d being e d u ­

c a t e d are l o s i n g t h e i r o p p o r ­

tunities. F r o m the College point

of view, it may mean a sub­

stantial decrease in the intake of

overseas students. C u r r e n t l y 46%

o f p o s t g r a d u a t e s t u d e n t s at

I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e c a m e f r o m

overseas. C a n the College afford

losing hal f of this 46% of overseas

students?

Small Ads •Cooker, 1 ring electric cooker with grill. Perfect for preparing all your meals. £22 or best offer. Ring Beth on int 3477 (days) or 3673 (evenings). •Suzuki TS 250trail bike, 1976, tax and MOT, light, yet fast in traffic, £325. Contact Dave Green, E E letter-racks or 969-0927.

•Honda 250, R reg, k10 months T&T, £290ono. Liam Spring, Physics 2 letter-racks.

•1973 Ford Escort, fair condition, new exhaust, tyres, brakes, radio spares, reliable runner, £500ono. Contact Andy Thickpenny, RSM Room 201 or tele­phone 2682.

•Texas T158 calculator, very good con­dition, £50ono. Please contact Gary Smith, Civ Eng 1 letter-racks. •Envelopes and brown paper: we have a surplus of used envelopes and brown paper. If you would like some, come to the enquiry desk of the Life Sciences Library (level 4, Lyon Playfair Library). •Wanted for Dramsoc production: one large nude lady. Apply Dramsoc Store­room.

•Wanted: reliable person to collect young child from school. Approx 4:30-5:15, sometimes less, but same rate would be paid. To start in January. Rates are negotiable. Ring 995-6480 after 6:00pm.

•Cleaners needed for the Summer A c ­commodation Centre from December 15-18. £1.30 per hour. Please apply to the S A C Office, Southside or Room 170, Sherfield Building. • A n y spare furniture, give to me — Simon Shaw, Guilds Office.

•Lost: an original French beret with great sentimental value. Misplaced in College on Wednesday afternoon. Re­ward for its recovery. Contact Mark Clegg, Mech Eng 2. • G o d will be appearing on November 15. Plenty of S C A B S . •India Soc Cheese and Wine Party is on Wednesday, November12at8:00pm, in the Bot/Zoo Common Room. •Just started: Swimming training ses­sions from 6:30pm to 7:30pm on Friday nights. All welcome. •Hurry, the last day for submission of articles for the Micro Club Newsletter is November 29. So if you have any­thing you want included, let me have it as soon as possible. Benny Notarianni, Physics 2.

•Archery: Anyone interested in form­ing an Archery Club, there is a meeting on Tuesday, November 11 at 12:45pm in the Green Committee Room. If you are unable to attend, but are interested, contact Ramesh Rao, Physics 2. • IC Exploration Board: Students who may be interested in organising, or tak­ing part in, expeditions next summer, are invited to contact the Board Chair­man, Dr Schroter on int 3724 or the Secretary, Don Adlington, on int 4205 for preliminary discussion. The Board has its first meeting of the session on November 26 and ideally outline pro­posals should be submitted well before that date.

•Smokestak, rivvum and blooze. The future of British rock and roll is in your hands. You need the music! We need an audience! Any reasonable gigs con­sidered. Amazing bargain prices. C o n ­tact 'Eric' Jarvis or Martin (El Ropo) Bayliss c/o IC Radio. Buy now while stocks last.

Page 8 FELIX, November 7, 1980

Hello, it's time to put pen to paper again. Sorry about not going to Windsor last week, but we are definitely going tomorrow, so please all turn up at the RSM Union Ofice at 9:30am for a little Rag collecting, Rag Mag selling and a few drinks. Hope you all enjoyed the fireworks on Wednesday, sorry about the short notice, but we did not think of doing it until last weekend.

In Rag Week, there will be our annual fete, Ragorama, organised by Chaps Club, a Dirty Disco (schoolgirls and dirty old men) and an all girl band for only 50p. We need a design for a raft for the race, piles of rotting matter for Morphy Day, helpers for the float for the procession and heaps of enthusiasm to see us through the week.

There will be an RSM trip to see Caligula soon. See ya. „ . .

Crispin RSM UP

Continuing the long-running saga of an ordinary

student's decline into debauchery, RCS proudly

present the thrills, spills, and bills of the start of

Rag Week.

With the Rag Procession being only a week

away, tomorrow and Sunday afternoon are being

given over to construction of the RCS float. Drop

into the RCSU Office any time after 2:00pm both

days and earn your place on the float in the

procession.

The excesses of Rag Week begin next

Wednesday with the Beer Festival all afternoon in

the JCR. If you want some sort of refuge from all

this animal behaviour you can try to find it in the

RCSU Office and help to produce the Broadsheet

'piss up' edition.

Highlight of Thursday is undoubtedly the RCS

Smoking Concert. Help/advice/sketches, etc.,

etc. should all go to the Ents Chairman, Dave

Thompson, Physics 2.

Rag and Drag is on next Friday night and

tickets will be available shortly. Meanwhile I'm

going away to work out some method of avoiding

Exec torture.

TTFN

PJ

The Lord Mayor's Procession tomorrow; if you

join the crowds get there early, to get a good

place, and give the Guilds float a shout.

Tomorrow evening is the Guilds/IF Kiddies

Party. The idea is to dress up as an under 10; if

you don't, there is a 25p surcharge on top of your

50p ticket, which you can get from the Guilds

Office. You also need to bring a bottle. The party

starts at 8:00pm in the JCR.

Don't miss the UGM on Tuesday. We'll have

some fun and games for you (and so might "you

know-who").

Then Rag week starts on Wednesday fnuff

said).

Andy Dixon

Christian Union

This is the title of a book you should be seeing quite a lot round College next week. It's written by David Watson, and the question is addressed to the supernatural realm, where many people maintain that God exists. The book looks at whether, with mankind and the world in its present state, it is reasonable to take seriously the suggestion that God does exist. It also examines the ways that Christians claim that God has communicated with us, predominantly through Jesus Christ. If God does exist, and is interested in people, this has important consequences for us, and the book looks at how we can relate to God, and how He has made this possible, and what we should do about it.

You've probably guessed by now that the book in being distributed by IC Chrisian Union; we have found in our own experience that what David Watson talks about is true, and we don't want to keep it to ourselves, so why not get hold of a copy? It will be on bookstalls in departments and the JCR during the ICCU Bookweek, next Monday to Friday; the cost is £1.00, but if the grant is wearing thin, talk to someone nicely and they might give you one!

On the subject of questions, we've also arranged a talk next Thursday, November 13 at 6:30pm in Civ Eng 207 on the subject Is Reality Possible?

W h a t ' s o n

Friday, November 7

• C U T a l k : Jesus Said I am the Resurrection, 6:30pm,

Music Room, 53 Princes Gate.

• F r e e D i s c o , 8:00pm, Lower Lounge.

Saturday, November 8

• I C C A G T r i p to Holly St Adventure Playground,

10:00am, Beit Arch. Transport provided.

Sunday, November 9

• W a r g a m e s C l u b M e e t i n g , 1:00pm, SCR.

Monday, November 10

• L i b e r a l C l u b M e e t i n g , 12 :45pm, U p p e r L o u n g e .

• F o l k C l u b Live In The Lounge with 'Eric', Steve and

others, 8:00pm, Union Lower Lounge. Free.

Tuesday, November 11

• A r c h e r y M e e t i n g , 12:45pm, Green Committee Room.

Your attendance will be appreciated.

• S T O I C T r a n s m i s s i o n , 1:00pm, JCR and Halls. See

posters for details.

• M O P S O C Tropical Cyclones, 1:00pm, Physics LT2.

• D e p t o f H u m a n i t i e s present:

1. World War Two: Beyond the Fighting.

3. Deception with Dr Charles Cruickshank

1:30, Read Theatre, Sherfield Building.

2. What's New In Engineering?

3 The Conquest of Height and Distance, with G B

Godfrey, 1:30pm, Pippard Theatre, Sherfield Building.

• R i d i n g C l u b M e e t i n g , between 1:00pm and 2:00pm,

Elec Eng room 1110.

• C o n s e r v a t i v e S o c i e t y : with Teddy Taylor, 1:30pm,

Maths 139.

• H a w a i i a n W i n d s u r f i n g : films, talks and election of club

officers, 6:30pm, Mech Eng 342.

• P h o t o s o c S o c i a l E v e n i n g , 7:30pm, Stan's Bar. All

members and friends welcome.

• M i c r o c o m p u t e r C l u b m e e t i n g , 7:30pm, Dept of Com

145.

Science Fiction Society

The society's attempt to shorten the impending thirty thousand years of anarchy caused by the continuing publication of Omni proceeds apace (from the Latin " a pace" meaning " to the peace"). This Friday, November 7, in Southside Upper Lounge, at 1:00pm (this boy knows how to build up suspense) ICSF sock will be (he's still at it) selling (wait for it) PERIHELION, the first issue of our new organ (hence the number 6 on the front), a limited edition all signed by the secretary. Yes, Perihelion 6, the magazine which does for SF criticism what Larry Niven did for Christian Barnard. We would have charged £1, but we decided not to gloss the pages, so it only costs 30p (20p for members). Perihelion 6, the magazine of which Christopher Priest said: "I think I've got one of those already".

Coming soonish: a really triffic film from the man who brought you MASH, California Split,

Nashville, etc — Robert Altamn. QUINTET — the show that really hits the ice. To keep their minds off the cold produced by the onset of the next ice age, five people decide to kill Paul Newman. As Sir Robert Mark once said: "I'm convinced it's a major contribution to road safety".

Yours stuimming naked over coral reefs,

A spokesman for IC Science Fiction Sock

Wednesday, November 12

• I n d u s t r i a l S o c i e t y C o n f e r e n c e on The Steel Closures

with Prof Silberston as chair, Huxley 213. The itinerary

will be:

2:00— Introduction

2:15— Film, Steel (from 'Inside Business')

3:00— Sir Charles Villiers

4:00— Tea (free)

4:15— Mr Martin Upham, Research Officer ISTC on

The Closures - an alternative

•5:15- Delegates join work groups to debate the problems

6:00- Group leaders report back to conference on dis­

cussions

6:45- Final resolutions on closures prepared by con­

ference

7:00- Close of conference

• W a r g a m e s C l u b M e e t i n g , 1:00pm, SCR.

• C a n o e C l u b S l i d e S h o w of 1980 summer tour to the

French Alps, 7:30pm, Union Upper Lounge.

Thursday, November 13

• E c o l o g y P a r t y , 1:00pm, Maths 340.

• S T O I C T r a n s m i s s i o n , 1:00pm and 6:00pm, JCR and

Halls. Featuring News-Break.

• I C G l i d i n g C l u b M e e t i n g , 5:30, Aero 254

• D e p t o f H u m a n i t i e s presents

1. Film Conquest of the Waters (from 'Life on Earth'),

1:30pm, The Great Hall, Sherfield Building.

2. Lunch-hour Concert with the Jubilus String Quartet,

the Music Room, 53 Princes Gate.

• E N T S F i l m Foul Play, 6:30pm, Mech Eng 220, 40p.

• C U , Is Reality Possible with Chris Coleman, 6:30pm, Civ

Eng 207.

C H I L E A N D L A T I N A M E R I C A N W E E K

November 10- 16 1980

Mon 10, 7pm: A talk by Malcolm Coad.

Tues 11, 7pm: Films, Victor Jara Sings and Message

from Chile.

Wed 12, 7pm: Film: El Salvador, Victory or Death.

Thurs 13, 7pm: Talks, Present Repression and Disap­

peared Persons in Chile with relatives of disappeared

prisoners.

Fri 14, 7pm: Poetry reading, Dance and Music.

Sat 15, 7pm: Musical groups, Pueblo and Raul Valencia,

Disco dancing and raffle.

There are exhibitions, Latin American music and food

and drinks every day during Chile and Latin American

Week.

I C L a t i n A m e r i c a n S o c

Friday, November 7: Freshers' Party, 6:30pm,

Lower Refec. Members free, non-members 50p.

Thursday, November 20: Latin American Soc General

Meeting, 12:30, Chem Eng Lecture Theatre 1.

FELIX, November 7, 1980 Page 9

B y B . B . W o l f f e

Hi, I'm back! Hope you missed me.

I notice that while I've been away

the RCS Broadsheet mob have snat­

ched the opportunitv to start up their

Rumour, Crud, Scandal column. Well,

what can I say? They seem to have a

preoccupation with people who wear

yellow trousers. They claim this is the

latest trend. Hogwash Sir! Why, I was

wearing yellow trousers when I was in

nappies!

An interesting snippet came to light the other

day. It was learned that the Department of

Computing owns a kosher gown for use at

such occasions as Commemoration Day. We

were intrigued, firstly, that there is such a thing

as a kosher gown (made of synthetic fibres)

and, secondly, why the DoC should want to

purchase one.

Normally, all gowns for Commemoration

Day are borrowed from the University of

London's store; however, when Professor

Manny Lehman, head of DoC, insisted on a

kosher gown they were a little slow on the

uptake. Consequently, the DoC bought Prof

Lehman the gown out of departmental money.

Amazing!

A rather amusing incident occurred in dear old

Weeks Hall recently. A Chinese student with

an obvious concern over the scarcity of such

wonderful accommodation had allowed a

friend to share his humble abode. Not content

with merely risking detection of the offence, he

made absolutely certain that his charitable act

would be revealed by moving a second bed

into his room.

Eagle-eyed warden, Dr Don Monroe, was

quick to catch on. He swooped (hawk-like)

and removed the offending item while the

culprits were away.

Intending to have a firm word with the

chappie (and presumably to reprimand him)

Dr Monroe re-visited the room later and

rapped smartly on the door. He was admitted

following a series of suspicious noises from

inside and was aghast to see a guest. Two

pillows lay adjacent on the floor.

O n asking to inspect the wardrobe, Dr

Monroe was hastily drawn into a discussion

by the occupant involving at least four different

excuses. He feigned interest, but in an instant

deftly flicked open the wardrobe door. Imagine

his surprise when a third Chinaman fell onto

the floor!

Subsequently the founder of the commune

was fined £25 and coughed up without

argument. Well done, Don! That's one in the

eye for Maoism!

B o f t c f a m a RMk

T h e F E L I X Office has recently received a copy

of Sphinx, the L i v e r p o o l A r t s M a g a z i n e .

Considering that Sphinx was a runner-up in

the N U S / G u a r d i a n best magazine awards, it is

a pity that the issue we received contains such

a glaring boo-boo.

O n the back is a Barciaybank C a s h A r o u n d

T h e C l o c k advert. At the end it says: " Y o u ' l l

find your nearest Barciaybank machine at 30

Market Hill o r 35 Sidney Street, C a m b r i d g e " .

Some of us sitting around in the FELIX Office

had an amusing thought the other day. Heard

of Trevor Phillips? Big. Trev was sabbatical

I C U President in 1974/5. Then he was

sabbatical U L U President, then he was

sabbatical president of the London Students'

Organisation (LSO). After that, he was a

sabbatical member of the NUS Exec later to

become sabbatical NUS President.

Someone had the bright idea that he might

actually have a year of his chemistry degree

still to complete.

THIS Dennis Afolabi chappie seems to be

acting like a man who is going to die of an

incurable disease within a couple of months

and wants to go out with a bang. He is going

out of his way to be as objectionable as

possible to as many people as he can in a

very short space of time. Not only is he

getting up Steve Marshall's nose, he's getting

up the Haldane Librarian's as well.

Richard Williams (the Librarian) has

recieved a letter from Mr Afolabi on behalf of

the / . ' ' ro -Car ib Soc demanding that the

library stock the following journals: Africa

(60p monthly), West Africa (30p weekly),

Root (75p monthly), and West Indian World

(30p weekly). The thought behind this is that

as thj Chinese, Turkish, Greek, Arabic, and

Swedish readers have journals in the library,

so should Afro-Carib Soc.

Mr Williams wrote back informing Mr

Afolabi that these Societies bought the

journals themselves and the library very

kindly gave them shelf space; he offered shelf

space to Mr Afolabi for his journals. This was

not good enough for Danny though, who

wrote back asking Mr Williams to justify the

Haldane's subscriptions to Punch and Gay

News in preference to, for example, Root.

T o quote his letter:". . .we would be most

obliged if you could kindly let us know the

reason for taking Gay Neujs but not West

Indian World, and Punch but not Root."

Is this jerk for real?

Stop Press

I have just heard that Diogenes has taken his

cause to the Internal Services Committee.

He is demanding that out of the £120

allocated to the Haldane for subscriptions,

£47.40 should be devoted to his Afro-Carib

journals.

Punch readers unite to stamp out this

verminous filth!

HoMfeat Jcfee S c o u r g e of the Nat West B a n k , J o h n

Whitehouse, has been complaining to the

bank's student liason officer, Tom Cottrell.

John's been wingeing about waiting two weeks

for his service till card. Tom didn't have the

heart to tell him he's been waiting three weeks

for his.

Sfes Scuidwick Mr Mooney, Dietician-In-Chief (DIC for short)

hits the headlines again. Victor Mooney first

found fame with our "Mouldy Chickens" story,

then the rotten food in Southside due to the

cook-freeze abuse.

Recently, a young lady was surprised to find

a slug wriggling about inside a sandwich she

had just purchased from the Union Lower

Refectory. The person at the till tried to calm

her down: "Don't make a fuss, love, just take

another one" . Reticent at the thought of

finding half a slug in her next choice, she

refused and left in disgust.

After she had gone, the person at the cash

desk deftly removed the slug, rearranged the

tomatoes and lettuce and subtly, replaced the

offending sandwich. Just think, Y O U may

have eaten that sarnie, nice thought, huh! I

don't want to cast aspersions, but just how

many of Mooney's sandwich makers roll

bogies mid sandwich or don't wash their hands

after going to the toilet?

In my time at College I've found one hairpin,

five hairs (and dandruff), 27 assorted pieces of

plastic, one cockroach leg, three pairs of false

teeth, a nail file, two big toe nails, one false

eyeball, an Irish 5p, a 3amp fuse, a ball point

pen refill, a cabbage white pupa, a false

eyelash, a contact lens, a golf tee, and a small

piece of paper with the word B O A Z written on

it. Is this a record?

Page 10 FELIX, November 7, 1980

Wednesday, Oct 29 Rugby Rugby 1st X V V V i n e S t P o l i c e 4-6 1st X V V C h e s h u n t 1 3-67

C & G l s t s V Q M C l s t s 8-29 2 n d X V V C h e s h u n t 2 0-68

C & G 2 n d s V Q M C 2 n d s 18-4 R C S V B P 29-8

Football Footbal l

I C 1st X I V B e d f o r d 0-0 I C 7 X I V L S E 7-3

I C 2 n d X I V B e d f o r d 4-2 H o c k e y

H o c k e y I C 1st X I V O M T 2-2

1st X I V R o y a l H o l l o w a y 8-1 I C 2 n d X I V A l e x H o w d e n 13-0

G u i l d s V G o l d s m i t h s 7-0 L a d i e s V R o y a l H o l l o w a y 0-10

RSM Football AFTER a great start by RCV (they won the

toss) the game kicked off, under the direction

of the ref, new to the game. Inspired by this

RSM started to play some decent football and

bar a few misunderstandings between the ref

and the laws, RSM managed to score the first

goal, well taken by T Hanker. This brought

RCV (and the ref) to action and for a while

RSM defended well though not well enough

since RCV scored to make the goal tally

equal. With the ref now venturing from the

centre circle both teams were spurred on to

even greater efforts by this show of

confidence, and soon after RSM got another

goal, this time from James W.

Football Seconds TWO BEDFORD goals mid-way through the

second half made IC fight to win a match

which should have been won easily.

IC dominated the first half, without creating

many clear cut chances and at half-time the

score was 0-0.

Soon after the break, however, Clarke shot

fiercely from a narrow angle to give IC the

lead. The team began to play with confidence

and went further ahead when Veenman

slotted his shot past the approaching keeper.

Two well taken Bedford goals, drew the

score level at 2-2.

With the possibility of a draw against such

mediocre opposition, IC stepped up the effort

once more and regained the lead when Carr

heapfe'd a lose ball over a stranded keeper. IC

finally finished off the opposition when a shot

from Niccolls entered the net.

TEAM: Veats, Curran, Beer, Armstrong,

MacDonald, Griffiths, Carr, Niccolls,

Veenman, Clarke, Saunders.

Guilds Hockey A F T E R a well -contested start in which

Goldsmiths looked a competent team, Forbes

opened the scoring with rather a limp shot. In

minutes, Guilds were two up with a short

corner put away by Andy Liles. Gui lds

pressed forward and were rewarded by a

somewhat dubious goal from Gray. Gold­

smiths lost a man at half-time and Guilds

controlled the game for the rest of the match,

with Andy Liles completing his hat-trick from

short corners. Andy Garms and Chris Liles

also netted in neat solo efforts. Guilds missed

a lot of chances but overall it was a good team

effort.

TEAM: Hancox, Shaw, Rao, Black, Eldridge,

Liles A, Forbes, Garms, Gray, Liles C. Driver

and ref, Webb P.

Compiled by

Phil Webb,

Sports Editor.

Saturday, Nov 1

RCS Rugby SINCE so many people want to play in our one team, it was decided to play a Saturday match for those people who weren't regulars.

A team of 12 eventually took the field against an ageing 14-man BP team. Phil Morgans and Ian Mawer proved to be too fast for the opposition backs, and were rewarded with three and one tries respectively. Morgans proved as elusive in the bar as he was on the field, and avoided buying a hat-trick jug. Dave Fenton scored his first (and probably last) try of the season, three conversions and a penalty were kicked by Skipper Latham. Chris Boyd made his presence felt in the back row, and was not responsible for either of the two tries scored against us.

We spent a pleasant hour in the clubhouse after the match, and my thanks to those heroes who turned out: Edwards, Curnock, O ' D o h e r t y , P i l g r i m , M o r g a n s , Mawer, Latham, Pearce, Fenton, Ellwitt and two Smiths.

Football Sevenths THE NEWLY FORMED IC VII team slammed

seven goals past LSE Vths in a 7-3 victory.

The team quickly began to perform as a well

c o o r d i n a t e d unit , p u t t i n g L S E u n d e r

pressure. IC went two nil up with fine goals

from Bartolomasi and Martin. At this stage

LSE staged a comeback, and as IC relaxed

they scored three quick goals to lead 3-2 at

half-time, having forced Rijnbeek into making

to fine saves.

As the second half wore on IC gained a

stranglehold on midfield, where the main

battle was being fought, and were able to set

up many attacks with only twenty minutes

remaining Caseau levelled with a header.

Then Milner put IC 4-3 up. Further goals from

Milner and centre-half Haberlin (2) ensured

an emphatic win for IC. This was a good,

confident display from IC VII and demo-

strates the high quality of football at IC this

year.

T E A M : Rijnbeek, Wilson (sub Bird),

Maynard, Know, Haberlin, Caseau, Gaskill,

Martin (sub Twyford), Milner, Bartolomasi,

Coussens.

Hockey Firsts I C S T H I R D G A M E this season in the

Middlesex League turned out to be their

toughest fixture so far.

From the start O M T s were obviously

determined to get a result from this game and

attacked hard and fast. But for the first ten

minutes IC gave as good as they got and

| eventually scored through a well struck shot

corner from Ian Crowe.

Then IC made the mistake of relaxing and by half-time OMTs had been allowed control of the game and had scored twice to take the lead.

Positional changes at half-time strength­ened IC's midfield and saw them gradually claw their way back into the match. About fifteen minutes from the end, IC levelled the score with a perfectly executed short corner through Ian Crowe.

For the last ten minutes IC really dominated the match and were unlucky several times not to score the winning goal.

T E A M : Webb, Crowe, Hughes, Coates-worth, Riley, Whitaker, Clarke, Franklin, Gatley, Ayres, Rich.

Hockey Seconds THE SECONDS extended their 100% record

last Saturday in a hard fought match in which

the IC goalkeeper was constantly kept under

heavy pressure. IC had great difficulty in

breaking down a well regimented Howden

defence, and it was not until after thirty

seconds that we managed to open the

scoring.

After this, despite centre forward Spanker

doing his best to miss the goal, IC soon

increased their lead, with Streaker scoring a

stonker of a goal.

The second half started much like the first,

with the IC goalkeeper again being kept very

busy.

Full time came with relief, the 13-0

scoreline telling the full story of what a hard

fought battle it had been.

Special mention must go to Mike Chew and

Andy Garms who scored five goals each, ana

to Lloyd Williams who sportingly played in

goal for the opposition.

TEAM: Williams, Parker, Rampton, Bird,

Shaw, Chew, Garms, Rao, Streaker, Gray,

Shindter, Masom.

Squash AT LAST, IC Squash Club has four good

courts. We have four teams in the U L U

leagues with a ladies' team hopefully joining

the ladies' league after Christmas . The

standard of all the teams is, as usual, fairly

high, with the thirds making a very good start

to the season. However, we have still to

assess the ability of several people, so don't

despair if you haven't played for a team yet.

Thanks to swift Jacqueline Chandler for

organising the ladies and to all the squash

socialites of last Thursday.

Richard Thompson

IC Squash Captain

Tennis THE RULES and groups for the winter round-

robin tournament are now on the tennis

noticeboard in the Sports Centre, so get your

matches arranged as quickly as possible. (If

there are) any queries about either groups or

the rules please contact Tony Tsoukkas, Civ

Eng 3.

Snooker THE B TEAM returned to form and beat Charing Cross 3-2. S Bennett managed to extend his unbeaten run to two frames and is confident about this week's encounter with the C team. Training for all B team members starts at 8:30am on Sunday morning.

The A team just managed to win against LSE 3-2. They are now in danger of early morning training and losing their prestigious position in the snooker league.

A 'Doubles Tournament' is being run within the next few weeks and entrants names are now being taken.

FELIX, November 7, 1980 Page 1 1

Erratum

William Cortazzi has asked me to point out

that he is not IC's resident fascist as reported

in last week's F E L I X . We would wish to

apologise for any confusion that this may have

caused.

CB Radio

Thanks to the Ferret and G8RRD for their

summing up letters on the C B issue. The topic

was a new one to me and I now feel quite well

J formed on the subject. However, the topic is

now closed in the letters page.

Aunt Died re

Please find enclosed a new cartoon series

entirely created from next to nothing by myself

(artist) and Simon Turner (writist). We hope

you will find it stimulating for the rest of the

year and advise you to keep your back issues

to be able to appreciate it fully. Hope you enjoy

reading it as much as we enjoyed creating it.

We need you

If you want to come and join the happy bunch

working on FELIX, don't get thinking it's too

late, we always need people.

We need more people who take photos and

develop them. We need photos quickly which

means films have to be developed and printed

up almost immediately. We do, of course, pay

expenses.

We need people to write news stories, paste­

up pages, typeset, collate on Thursday, etc.,

etc. You needn't have any prior experience,

you'll pick at us as you go along.

I would ask, though, that you bear with us;

producing a paper every week is very hectic —

while we want to attract and encourage staff

we also have to get the paper out. We need

hardened souls who can cope with deadline

panics.

On Thursday night, we collate FELIX, this is

usually quite sociable (shouting above the

noise of the folding machine, slagging off the

Union Exec, etc., etc.). Let's face it, putting

together 4,000 copies of FELIX by hand is so

deathly boring that we have to do something to

relieve the tedium. This will undoubtedly

explain the topless dancer many of you will

have seen if you have passed the office on

Thursday night.

Join the 24-hour, nearly 7 days a week club.

Join FELIX and see the sun rise!

Southside Security Survey

Last Monday morning at 4:00am, I conducted

a security survey of Southside. The freedom of

access to the building has been the subject of

much discussion following the violent incident

in Keogh last week and the rape last term.

I have concluded that it is extremely easy for

anyone (without a key) to gain access to

Southside at the moment.

The Keogh/Selkirk main door was locked

just as it usually is, but the Falmouth/Tizard

doors were not; efficient door-closers must be

fitted to these doors.

I was very surprised to see the fire escape

doors at the Falmouth/Tizard end actually

back on their hinges after my editorial

complaint last week. I was even more

surprised to see how they were locked. In the

past, the two fire escape doors at each end of

Southside automatically unlocked when the

firebell was triggered. However, on Sunday

and at the time of writing (Wednesday

evening) these doors were fastened shut with a

bolt attached to the inside of the door. These

bolts were easily unlocked by slipping one's

hand through the door slats from the outside,

thus offering 24-hour easy access to

Southside.

Monday morning, I phoned Captain Lindley

(Domestic Secretary) who was unavailable for

comment. I then phoned Bob Foggon, Fire and

Safety Officer who didn't like the arrangement

from a safety point of view as the doors should

automatically open in case of fire, and not be

bolted up. Mr Reeves, Chief Security Officer,

told me that all doors in College were being

improved from a security point of view and the

fire-bell-triggered opening of these doors was

at present being improved by the Estates

department, hence the temporary bolts.

IN C O N C L U S I O N ; I find this whole

situation totally unsatisfactory. At the

moment, the doors pose a safety and security

h a z a r d to S o u t h s i d e residents . While

accepting maintenance is necessary, it is

taking far too long for the Estates department

to pull their fingers out. And putting a bolt on

the inside which one can open from the

outside seems, to me at least, a pretty poor

substitute for security. It would be a simple

matter to prevent access to the bolt from the

outside.

Southside Plant

Well, that was a wizard wheeze last week

wasn't it? Within two hours of FELIX 'hitting

the streets' the offending plant had been

watered and someone had cut all the dead

leaves off.

Talk about 'Power of the Press'. Wow!

Stop Press:

Bob Foggon has informed me (Thursday) that

is likely that the firebell-triggered doors will

come into operation from early next week, and

the bolts will be removed.

To meet the occasion of a fire where the

firebell is not triggered, a fire alarm will be'

situated near the escape doors.

Blood Doninq

I forgot to include a blood doning ad last

week. Doning took place yesterday and will

be on today in the Union Dining Hall until

12:00 noon and in the afternoon from 2:00pm

to 4:00pm.

Thanks to . . . .

Patrick, Caroline, Mark, Eric, Steve, Phil,

Colin, Shanne, Dave, Chris, Doris, and her

friends, BB, Ian, Maz and God knows who

else.

Puzzle Corner By Scaramouche

Meanwhile, back at Primelia College, the

professor of logic has lost his Occam Razor

(used for splitting hairs). Being certain he has lent

it to ot,e of his final year students, he asked

them about it.

Amble said: I borrowed it from Eager at

least t\Ace, and lent it to Clumsy once. I

never lent it to Bumble.

Bumble said: Whenever I lent it to Amble

or Clumsy (and I'm not sure that I ever did) I

had just borrowed it from Eager.

Clumsy said: I lent it to Bumble, Eager,

and Fumble just once each.

Drudge said: It passed once between each

of the others and me.

Eager said: I lent it to Fumble once. I'm

not sure if he gave it straight back, but he

never gave it to me on any other occasion. I

never borrowed it from Bumble, but if I lent

it to him, then I never borrowed it from the

man who has it now.

Fumble said: It passed between me and

Bumble once. I never lent it to Amble or

Clumsy.

The professor drew a deep breath and

several c o m p l i c a t e d diagrams, finally

concluding that a certain number of his

students could be excluded from his list of

suspects.

Which ones?

Solutions, comments and criticisms to me

c/o FEUX Office. There will be a prize of £2

for the first correct solution opened at noon on

Tuesday.

Last Week's Solution

10 and 11.

Since Splinter could not solve the problem

he'was set, there are two solutions to x 2 + y 2 =

k for k fixed, not divisible by 5, and less than

260. 102 + l l 2 = 142 + a 2 = 221 is the only

solution. If anyone can explain to me why

there are so many values for k which are

divisible by 5 (50, 65, 85, 125, 145....) but only

one value which isn't, I will be most grateful.

It helps to find the solution if you notice that

a 2 + b 2 = c 2 + d 2 if a 2 - c 2 = d 2 - b 2 = (a+c)(a-c) =

(d+b)(d-b).

Lots of people assumed that "roughly the

same age" meant "the difference in ages is one

year". Although it isn't necessary to assume

this to solve the puzzle, it does lead to the

correct answer, and offered a short cut which I

hadn't bargained for. Consequently several

people submitted corrected entries. Tim

Lawes, Maths 3, is the lucky winner, and he

can collect his prize from the FELIX Office.

PHOTOSOC flan sale, 12:45 to 1:15pm

Tues, Old Darkroom, Beit Quad.

C O L O U R PRINT FILM

KodacolourH Instamatic C110-20 £1.20

Kodacolour 400 Instamatic C G 110-20 1.35

Kodacolour II 35mm C 135 36 1.80

Kodacolour 400 35mm C G 135-36 2.20

C O L O U R SLIDE FILM

Kodachrome KM 135 36 £3.95

Kodachrome 64 35mm KR 135 36 3.95

Extachrome 400 35mm EL 135 36 3.50

Ektachrome 160 35mm Tungsten

B L A C K A N D WHITE PRINT FILM

Word FP4 & HP5 35mm 35exp £1.30

Diord FP4 & HP5 35mm 5 metres 2.50

Kodak Tri-X 35mm 36exp 1.40

Kodak Tri-x 35mm 4.50

PAPER AND CHEMICALS TO ORDER.

FELIX is published by the Editor for and on behalf of the Imperial College Union Publications Board, and is printed by the Union Print Unit, Prince Consort Road, London,

SW7 2BB. (589 5111 ext. 1048/int. 2881) Copyright FEUX 1980. Editor: S.J. Marshall, Advertising Manager: MA. Smith. Registered at the GPO as a newspaper.