THT MIVVSCAMR OF I M F B t t A L C&LUEGI

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Phineas' btrthd&y party on Biursday. Cto a r r i v a l tuey found the majority of the U.C 's im a drunken j t u p o r , Phineas hound down by many stout chains, and Reggie displayed on the f l o o r of t h e i r lounge.

As theeonly way out was through 300 bodies packed tig^rfc around the bar, Reggie's immediate removal was impracticable. However, around 11 p.m. twelve hefty King's men p a l l e d f o r Reggie and the President qf U.C. declared a truce.

When Reggie reached U.C.*s gate the Guildsmen swooped,relieving Kings of t h e i r burden, and transported i t halfway down Malet S t r e e t , whe7.-e,to quote one of the d a i l y newspaperSj, "A midnight f r e e - f o r -a l l between 206 students from London u n i v e r s i t y Colleges - Kings, C i t y and Guilds and U n i v e r s i t y - was broken up by the p o l i c e a f t e r 20 minutes l a s t night".

Pour squad oars, one Black Maria, four motor c y c l e p a t r o l man and a dozen

F E L I X

THE B A R B E R o f C I V I L

ENGINEEHMO NOTES 0" BEARDS

" I f t h e b e a r d were a l l , t h e g o a t w o u l d p r e a c h " . - O l d P r o v e r b .

The b e a r d I s a t once t h e most n o t i c e a b l e , o b v i o u s , e g o t i s t i c a l , e x h i b i t i o n i s t adornment p o s s i b l e -and t h e most n a t u r a l t h i n g , i n t h e w o r l d .

H i s t o r i c a l l y , b e a r d s have been r e v e r e d , s a v e d by t h e i r u n f o r t u n a t e owners f r o m t h e b l o c k ( a l b e i t a t t h e e x p ense o f t h e i r n e c k s ) - and s i n g e d . They have been u s e d t o d i s g u i s e many i n t e n t i o n s f r o m t h e a n a r c h i c t o t h e amorous; u s e d t o c o n c e a l d i s f i g u r e d s k i n s , r e c e d i n g c h i n s and t h e i d e n t i t i e s o f t h e i r o w n e r s . I n d e e d , t h e b e a r d i s u s u a l l y r e g a r d e d a s a p a r t i c u l a r l y c l o s e f o r m o f c a m o u f l a g e , w h i c h i s t h e g r e a t e g t f u n d a m e n t a l e r r o r i n t h e ' l a y ' p u b l i c 1 s b e a r d w i s e t h i n k i n g . F o r w h i l s t c o n c e a l i n g t h e l o w e r h a l f o f t h e f a c e , i t r e n d e r s t h e w h ole o f i t i m m e d i a t e l y r e c o g n i s -a b l e . F a r f r o m b e i n g t h e g e s t u r e o f t h e r e c l u s e and t h e h e r m i t , aband-o n i n g t h e r a z o r i s an a c t c a l l i n g f o r t h e s t r o n g e s t o f c h a r a c t e r s , t h e b r a v e s t o f men. Thus t o s t e p o u t o f l i n e , t o l e a v e t h e "common h e r d , i s t o n a i l c o l o u r s t o t h e mast and s t a n d by one's e v e r y d e e d . No more c a n t h e b e a r d e d one d i s a p p e a r i n t o t h e crowd -h i s r e p u t a t i o n w i l l s t a y w i t h h i m -t h e r e g r e t t e d deed c a n no more be e s c a p e d . Imagine t h e c o p p e r ' s w r y s m i l e a s t h e maiden s a y s "... and o f f i c e r , t h i s man had brown h a i r and b l u e e y e s ..." BUT - p i c t u r e t h e f r e n z y o f f i l e - s e a r c h i n g a t t h e Y a r d as t h e I n c r i m i n a t i n g f a c t i s r e v e a l e d -. "The p o l i c e a r e b e l i e v e d t o be l o o k i n g f o r a b e a r d e d man".

And we a r e n o t w i t h o u t d i s t i n g u i s h e d s u p p o r t ,- t h e f a b u l o u s 'Bean' H o l b e i n (Hon.Sec. o f t h e O l d C e n t r a l i a n s ) s p o r t s a g r o w t h t h a t i s an e x c e l l e n t example o f t h i s sofct o f t o n s o r i a l a r t . D r . Toombs - l a t e o f t h e E l e c t r i c a l Department and now moved w i s e l y t o be a vacuum c l e a n e r t y c o o n - f r i g h t e n e d would-be e n g i n e e r s w i t h h i s a g r e s s i v e h i r s u t e a p p e n d a g e ( e n d l e s s euphemisms have been d e v i s e d f o r t h i s n a t u r a l phenomenon). And we a r e n o t w i t h o u t

o u r R o y a l P a t r o n a g e P r a c t i c a l h i n t s t o t h o s e i n t e n d i n g

t o f o l l o w t h e p r e s e n t t r e n d m i g h t n o t come a m i s s . There i s no known f e r t i l i s e r . Washing i s n o t s o m e t h i n g t o w o r r y a b o u t u n d u l y - t h e f r e q u e n t

a p p l i c a t i o n o f h o t soup, b l a c k c o f f e e and b e e r i s u s u a l l y s u f f i c i e n t t o keep t h e - number o f f a u n a down t p c o m f o r t a b l e f i g u r e s . A s s y m e t r y i n t h e t r i m s h o u l d be s u f f e r e d r a t h e r t h a n c o r r e c t e d a s t h e l a t t e r i s l i k e l y t o l e a d t o t h e g r a d u a l d e p l e t i o n (known a s " w h i s k e r w h i t t l e " - a t r o u b l e o f t e n

e n c o u n t e r e d i n a m b i t i o u s b a r b e r s ) . And NEVER l e t a woman " t i d y i t up" -remember Solomon.

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T a l k i n g o f women ( s u b j e c t n o r m a l ) - t h e i n c i d e n c e o f w h i s k e r has been s t a t i s t i c a l l y p r o v e d t o depend on a f a v o u r a b l e a t t i t u d e on t h e p a r t o f the. o p p o s i t e s e x . A t t h e moment, t h e r e i s s t i l l a n o v e l t y v a l u e t o t h e man w i t h a t a z ; an a p p r o a c h krown as t h e " I ' v e a l w a y s wanted t o t r y " A t any r a t e - i t i s f a i r p r o o f o f t h e g i r l ' s d e p t h o f f e e l i n g ( ? ) .

On t h e q u e s t i o n o f s t y l e - t h o s e who o b j e c t t o t h e w i d e r a n g e o f shapes and s i z e s s h o u l d t a k e c o m f o r t f r o m Bottom i n "Midsummer N i g h t ' s Dream"

" I w i l l d i s c h a r g e i t . i n e i t h e r y o u r s t r a w - c o l o u r e d b e a r d , y o u r o r a n g e tawny b e a r d , y o u r p u r p l e i n g r a i n b e a r d o r y o u r F r e n c h - c r o w n c o l o u r b e a r d , y o u r p e r f e c t y e l l o w " .

anyway, Anne l i k e s m ine, J a c k .

BEARD COMPETITION

ft So f a r n i n e e n t r i e s have been

r e c e i v e d - b u t i t i s n o t t o o l a t e t o s t a r t ; remember, the b e a r d s

a r e n o t j u d g e d on l e n g t h a l o n e . G i v e y o u r e n t r i e s t o t h e member o f t h e E d i t o r i a l B o a r d l o u n g i n g n e a r t h e C o u n c i l N o t i c e - b o a r d .

UNION COMMENT

C o n t i n u e d f r o m l a s t week.

13. I l l u m i n a t i o n . The l i g h t s a r e g o i n g out a l l o v e r t h e U n i o n . Hot o n l y do we e a t i n p e r p e t u a l g loom i n Mooney^, b u t a b o u t ZOff, o f t h e nam l i g h t b u l b s i n o t h e r p a r t s o f t h e b u i l d i n g seem t o have r e s i g n e d . T h i s i s s u i t a b l e f o r C a r n i v a l s and s i m i l a r o r g i e s , b u t n o t f o r g e n e r a l u s a g e .

14. C o n t r a c t o r s . 'Winter snows a r e on "the way, and H a r p i e s and R i d g ewa y a r e h i b e r n a t i n g i n t h e Gym and t h e Upper R e f e c t o r y . U n k i n d p e o p l e a r e s a y i n g t h a t t h e l a n d -scape g a r d e n e r s n-ere r e s p o n s i b l e f o r r e m o v i n g M a r p l e s ' h u t s .

1 5 . More E r r o r s . The G r i d v e n -t i l a t i o n , i n t h e D i n i n g S a i l . ' was f o u n d t o be t o o c o a r s e , e x p o s i n g b r i c k w o r k t o t h e d i n e r s ' v i e w . T h i s i s t o be r e p l a c e d . The I T o t i c e -E o a r d m a t e r i a l i s o f a c a r d b o a r d l i k e c o n s i s t e n c y i n s t e a d o f the b e t t e r q u a l i t y o r d e r e d . T h i s i s t o be r e p l a c e d .

16. Windows. A r e t h e windows

g o i n g t o be c l e a n e d !

17. The B a r . Many l o n g c r a c k s

have d e v e l o p e d i n the p l a s t e r o f t h e b a r . I s i t p o s s i b l e t h a t t h e d e s i g n e r o f t h e pavement a l s o des-i g n e d the b a r and f a i l e d t o t a k e i n t o a c c o u n t t h e r e s o n a n t e f f e c t o f c a r o u s i n g v o i c e s .

I C W A

Following Mr. G r i f f i n ' s correspondence i t was decided at the I.C.W.A. meeting l a s t Tuesday that i t mi^vt be advisable t o have matters of general i n t e r e s t reported i n Felix.' I t was thought, however, that the presence of Mr. G r i f f i n himself would be quite superfluous, since the secretary of ' F e l i x ' i s , i n general ;a member Of I.C.W.A. The meeting f i n a l l y decided that nothing should be reported without the previous consent of the President.

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t o C o l l e g e t o g e t a d e g r e e an*..fa. have a b i t o f s p o r t i s r e a l l y l i t t x e s h o r t o f a p u b l i c enemy. We come h e r e t o c o m p l e t e o u r e d u c a t i o n , t o d e v e l o o o u r p e r s o n a l i t y and t o a c q u i r e a l i t t l e o f what i s f r e e l y r e f e u e d t o i n F E L I X

as K u l t u r e .

U n f o r t u n a t e l y I.C. l a c k s one o f t h e most i m p o r t a n t a t t r i b u t e s t h a t a modern U n i v e r s i t y C o l l e g e s n o u l d h a v e . Our C o l l e g e , w h e t h e r we l i k e i t o r n o t , i s a r a t h e r o n e - s i d e d a f f a i r , one-s i d e d i n a c a d e m i c s u b j e c t s , o n e - s i d e d i n t h e s e x o f i t s s t u d e n t s and one-s i d e d i n t h e a t t i t u d e o f i t s U n i o n e l i t e . As a c o l l e g e , w