Happiness Comes Quietly - kernaa.org · My sobriety is a miracle: a gift from my Higher Power, the 12 Steps, and the fel-lowship of A.A. They keep me sober. ... - Jim Rohn “The

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[email protected] September 2017

Happiness Comes Quietly

"The trouble with us alcoholics was this: We demanded that the world give us happiness and peace of mind in just the particular order we wanted to get it — by the alcohol route. And we weren't successful. But when we take time to find out some of the spir-itual laws, and familiarize ourselves with them, and put them into practice, then we do get happiness and peace of mind. . . . There seem to be some rules that we have to follow, but happi-ness and peace of mind are always

here, open and free to anyone."

— Dr. Bob and the Good Old Timers, p 308

The simplicity of the A.A. pro-gram teaches me that happiness isn't something I can "demand." It comes upon me quietly, while I serve others. In offering my hand to the newcomer or to someone who has relapsed, I find that my own sobriety has been re-charged with indescribable gratitude

and happiness.

A.A. Daily Reflections, January 17

“You must be awfully thirsty.”

Th!nk About it: Simple

Spooky Little Ghosts

Being of Service

Friends

Making Amends (The book!)

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4

6

8

10

11

We’re “short” this month

Due to computer problems this issue will be only 12-pages. There will be no financial state-ments, meeting donations, or

birthday page.

Hopefully a new computer will be coming soon so they can be

back in October.

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The simple act of breathing can seem rather boring… unless you are fighting to breathe. The simple act of saying a praying can also seem rather bor-

ing… unless you are fighting to hang on to your sobriety.

One of my favorite examples of the beauty and power of simplicity is Bill and Bob’s first meeting. Ernie Kurtz, author of Not God: A History of Alcoholics Anonymous, talks about it, and about the advice Dr. Silkworth had given Bill

about dealing with drunks:

“You’ve got to deflate these people first,” Silkworth said.

“So give them the medical business, and give it to them hard.”

It was good advice, and it made a lot of sense for dealing with most drunks. But Bill was, in Akron, Ohio with Henrietta Seiberling, who was about to introduce him to an alcoholic… an alcoholic doctor. What could he, Bill Wilson, possibly tell Doctor Robert Smith, a doctor, about the medical effects of alcohol-

ism? He spent a lot of time praying about it.

And then he met him.

“One look at the twitching, trembling surgeon as they were introduced solved Bill’s problem about what to say first,” Kurtz writes. “‘You must be awful-

ly thirsty, Bob. Say. Let’s talk a little while first – it won’t take long.’”

It wasn’t supposed to “take long,” because Dr. Bob had told his wife,

Anne, quite emphatically, that he would give Bill 15 minutes… no more.

They spoke for hours, not because Bill lectured Dr. Bob, but because he spoke a simple truth: “You must be awfully thirsty.” And even though there is

no record of their full conversation, we can safely assume that he kept it simple.

A.A. was born, and its first words were the ones Bill said to Bob:


I got here thirsty. I was still thirsty after my first meeting. And sometimes I still get thirsty. I am reminded of the Dos Equis beer commercials where The

Most Interesting Man in the World says: “Stay thirsty my friends.”


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It was a triple-digit Bakersfield day. I was at a red light next to a truck with a 70-foot-long bottle of perfectly chilled Corona painted on its side. I didn’t want

the beer in the truck. I wanted the beer inside the bottle painted on that truck.

I wanted to dive in and drink my way out.

It was a trigger. Triggers show up regularly. Triggers want to be pulled.

When one appears, I think about the simple things that will keep me sober.

I pray.

I think the drink through: what it would taste like going down… and what it

would taste like coming back up. (When I drank I threw up... a lot.)

I also think about what it would do to my marriage, my family, my relation-

ships, my bank account, my career, my life.

I call my sponsor or another alcoholic, and tell them about my most recent

stupid idea: diving into a 70-foot-long bottle of Corona.

I read the Big Book or some other A.A. literature.

I hit a meeting, and possibly share about it.

And the thirst is gone.

There’s nothing embarrassing, shameful, or even surprising about think-ing about drinking. I’m an alcoholic. The natural state of an alcoholic is drunk. My sobriety is a miracle: a gift from my Higher Power, the 12 Steps, and the fel-

lowship of A.A. They keep me sober.

It is all so simple: not always easy, but always simple.

It is also fitting that simplicity was the message of Bill and Bob’s last words together. Bill recounted it in A.A. Comes of Age. He was visiting Bob in Akron. Bob would soon be going into the hospital for another operation, and

the prognosis was not good.

“I went down the steps and then turned to look back. Bob stood in the doorway, tall and upright as ever. Some color had come back to his cheeks, and he was carefully dressed in a light grey suit. This was my partner, the man with whom I had never had a hard word. The wonderful, old, broad smile was on his face as he said almost jokingly, ‘Remember, Bill, let’s not louse this thing up. Let’s keep it simple!’ I turned away, unable to

say a word. That was the last time I ever saw him.”

Bill followed the doctor’s orders. He kept it simple.

So do I.

Cheers & Happy Serenity,

The Cyber Sot

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[email protected]

Simple

September 2017

“Success is nothing more than a few simple disciplines,

practiced every day.”

- Jim Rohn

“The simple act of caring is heroic.”

- Edward Albert

“Making the simple com-plicated is commonplace; mak-ing the complicated simple,

awesomely, that’s creativity.”

- Charles Mingus

“Simple can be harder than complex: You have to work hard to get your thinking

clean to make it sim-ple. But it’s worth it in the end because once you get there, you can

move mountains.”

- Steve Jobs

The word simple appears frequently in the Big

Book. It is one of the key aspects of the program. As

Bill writes on page 62: “Most good ideas are simple, and

this concept was the keystone of the new and trium-

phant arch through which we passed to freedom.”

Remember, however, that simple does not always mean easy. If

you want to join that exclusive club for people who’ve climbed Mt Ev-

erest, all you have to do is climb up 29,029 feet to the top.

It’s that simple!

Now let’s see what else Bill and others have to say about it.

“Life is really simple, but we

insist on making it complicated.”

- Confucius

“He can go anywhere on this earth where other free men go without disaster, pro-vided he remains willing to maintain a certain simple atti-

tude.”

- Bill W., p 26.

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[email protected] [email protected]

Th!nk About It

Every month we’ll look at a

topic and see what people —

in and out of the program —

have to say about it.

If you have a topic and

some quotes to go with it,

please email it to us.

September 2017

“This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for compli-cated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.”

- The Dalai Lama

“It is always the simple that

produces the marvelous.”

- Amelia Barr

“All the great things are simple, and many can be expressed in a sin-gle word: freedom, justice, honor,

duty, mercy, hope.”

- Winston Churchill

“I simply had to believe in a Spirit of the Universe, who knew neither time nor

limitations.”

Bill W., p 10.

“To say more while saying less is

the secret of being simple.”

- Dejan Stojanovic

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[email protected] [email protected] September 2017

THE SPOOKY LITTLE GHOSTS LIVING IN MY HAUNTED HOUSE MIND

In closing the doors while righting the wrongs we have done, can we leave the past com-pletely behind? That question began for me long before ever making a list of those I had harmed.

We are reminded in two small paragraphs in the Big Book that we had to be entirely ready to give up the ghosts: the defects that haunt our here and now.

Steps Six and Seven in our 12 and 12 explain that these are the steps that separate the “boys from the men” and in my case, the little girl from the lady. I’ve found that coming to the point of being entirely ready (first) required more painstaking preparation than I had realized. These are the easiest steps to over-look. I know, because I overlooked them.

Even in recovery I had been guilty of spinning my ego-inflated self-will to suit my idea of what and who I should be, and how I should act. After doing deep step work, I began to see that this thinking is exactly what holds me back and keeps me who I was.

When I compared the list of my questionable qualities to the list of spiritu-al qualities I was trying to reach, I knew that my work had just begun. By put-ting headstones on my past graveyard of mistakes, behaviors, and actions, I would continue to address the parts of me that have been so ingrained since long before I found alcohol.

Steps Six and Seven became obsessions, all I could think about. But it left me with a frightening thought. Just who am I to become if I stay entirely ready?

In those moments, the thought of letting go completely in all areas of my life – even of those defects I love but that still block off God – I suddenly found my throat clench and my collar tighten. My ego squirmed when I shoved it into the backseat long enough for the “me” who is willing to change prayed. I am entirely ready. And even when I balk I still remain willing.

This is a willingness that I pray for daily now. I think of cleaning up the wreckage of my past today: what I did to others

and the laundry list of amends I need to make. But I also think of who I am when I am wrapped deep into self-sustained and self-reliant reactions to whatever life brings my way.

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Greed disguised as ambition, ego dis-guised as knowledge, busy disguised as service, a good share disguised as having it all together. The list can go on and on. When I realized this, the room got smaller and smaller: God, bigger and bigger. There is some comfort in keeping the ghosts of who we were with us. Those be-haviors or reactions in self-will that have-n’t caused us much harm yet. But are they blocking off the sunlight of the Spirit? Aren’t they still, no matter how you skin them, just spooky little ghosts of the dead, old self?

If these ghosts stay, without realizing it we bring them with us right into recovery

and comfortably make them a home. If this past stays present, are we not set-ting ourselves up for disaster? Miserable sobriety… or drunk.

These two little steps, sandwiched between the heart palpitating 4th and the ever-feared 8th and 9th, are to me the ones that stopped me in my tracks and slid me right into the “humbly asking” part of seven. And that is the “comfortable” I now know.

Right there I found it: a big miracle in the smallest section of our steps. I needed to stay entirely ready. It had brought me to a place where I became quite anxious to bravely address making a list and righting the wrongs I had done. I knew that each action I took from there forward would reveal the beauti-ful parts of me that wanted and remained God-reliant, and would continue to show me how self-reliance is a past ghost that will forever need to get the boot!

Forging forward having mostly cleaned up my wrong doings; I dance be-tween 10 through 12 and six and seven. Some days the little girl in me is far from being anything close to ‘entirely ready,’ but I work toward it.

Not to the best of my ability, but instead to the best of my willingness.

Mish C-L.

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Being of Service

Being of service is right up there with gratitude when it comes to topics. When an-nounced, it is usually followed by a group groan.

As I have seen in the few years I have been coming to meetings here in Kern County, most commitments, at least in early sobriety, are given by way of railroad. Someone volun-teers someone else (who is present at the meeting), a second is immediately heard, a vote is taken where all agree, and someone else (usually a somewhat seasoned newcom-er) has a commitment. This is fondly known in the rooms as the A.A. railroad. A newcomer re-cently described this as being “volun-told.”

My first “formal” commitment was the literature commitment at the Sou’ Westers’ Sunday night meeting. It was a six-month commitment. Because of the commitment, I found Central Office so that pamphlets, schedules and Big Books could be restocked. Money changed hands, receipts were given, and re-imbursements followed. This certainly was not a “first” for me. I had done work for charities in the past. But my A.A. commitment felt different. It was the first time that my suc-cess was not measured in dollars raised. Success was being able to provide a Big Book, pamphlet, or schedule: simple, but gratifying. In retrospect, it was the beginning of the promises. I no longer had to regret the past and shut the door on it; I could see how my experience could benefit others; my feeling of use-lessness and self-pity disappeared; fear of people left me; I intuitively knew how to handle situations that used to baffle me – at least with regard to the liter-ature at that meeting. My home group at the time was the Downtown Happy Hour meeting. It was, and still is, part of the Start Your Day/Downtown Happy Hour Group. I was there Monday through Friday afternoons. Bitchen Jim, who chaired all 10 meet-ings and was the Secretary/Treasurer for the group, would say something to the effect that the most basic way to being of service is to show up at a meeting so that there is someone there when a newcomer walks in the door. He said it far more simply, and with a life or death earnestness. He was a bricklayer by trade, and a classic “crusty old-timer.”

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When Jim knew he had to be out, briefly, for medical reasons, he asked me to fill in as chair for the evening meetings, and act as Secretary/Treasurer for the group. This was a lot of work and took a lot of time. It cut into my job and time with my family. His return was anxiously awaited. When Jim came back, he refused the return of his duties. He would miss more and more meetings, for medical reasons. As his inevitable death neared, he asked me to make sure that the doors stayed open. After his death, I contin-ued chairing the afternoon meetings and being the Secretary/Treasurer/Purchasing Agent/stockboy for the group. After four years, there were grumblings that I should give up the commit-ment. Rotating leadership was given as the reason. This was hard to argue. The long form of the ninth Tradition states, “Rotating leadership is the best.” Giving up the commitment also allow others to be of service. The problem was that no one wanted the commitment. Most people said that I did a good job. My ego swelled. What about my commitment to Bitchen Jim to keep the doors open? What if the group folded? The thought of losing my commitment threw me into classic alcoholic thinking. I spoke with my Sponsor. I spoke with trusted old timers. They all said that if no one steps up, the group should fold. All of them had seen meetings fold for this very reason. Fast forward four years. The group is alive and well. Chuck S. has been the Secretary/Treasurer/Purchasing Agent/stockboy for just over the last four years, if I am counting correctly. I have been afforded the opportunity to attend noon meetings, stay late at work, or go home early to spend time with my wife. (Our daughter is grown and out on her own.) Despite this, I felt something was missing. As my Higher Power does for me what I cannot do for myself, I was “volunt-asked” to again be the Secretary/Treasurer/Purchasing Agent/stockboy for the group. This time I gladly agreed, as I see others with time do when asked to be of service. I am already chairing the Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday meetings. As I do my works for the group, I comprehend the word serenity and know peace. Thank you for the opportunity to be of service.

— Robert the Hat

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True and lasting friendships have never really been a part of my life. I don’t really have any of the friends I knew in high school or in my early adult life. I don’t take the time to call my friends on the phone, invite them out, or go out of my way to nurture friendships like others.

My sister has friendships that she maintains from her early childhood through high school, and is constantly making new and lasting friendships. I envy her for having so many people in her life that she can share memories and the true intimacy of her thoughts and feelings.

In a spat of epic anger (I seem to invoke that feeling in others far too easi-ly), someone close to me told me that I would die alone and without friends. While this person was fuming and seemed to be exaggerating for effect, I pon-dered this comment for a while and came to the conclusion that there was a re-al kernel of truth.

Why do I let my friendships fade away? What is it about me that cannot seem to hold onto them and keep them in my life?

The simple answer is that I am selfish and self-centered. As I pondered, I remembered many encounters where the focus of a room had to be on me or I would pitch a fit, or pout; and the times where I had to block out the light shin-ing down on someone else in order to feed my own ego. I remember too many times when someone was speaking to me and I would look at them and pretend I was interested or present, but instead I was thinking about myself, or the girl over there, or the next drink, and not giving them what they deserved, which was my full and undivided attention. You know, being present with a concern for that other person and a genuine interest in what they have to say and how they are feeling — the stuff that forges true and lasting friendship.

I was so stuck on me that I didn’t realize that friendships are nurtured by placing your focus on the other person and by being of service to them with no expectation of reward or accolade.

For most of my life, if an incentive or pat on the back was not part of my relationships, they weren’t worth having. But as a result: no lasting friendships, no really intimacy with others. Perhaps, I should be of service to others without any thought of return? Perhaps then I will begin to develop some real and meaningful friendships. Because I know I will need people to be of service to me in the future if I am to retain my sobriety. So, perhaps now is the time to be of service to them?

Steven E.

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Kern County Central Office

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Unidad Servicio

Recuperacion


In this collection of stories from the Grape-vine, members write about their experiences with Step Nine.

The book includes chapters on making amends to parents, children, family members, exes, financial institutions, friends and cowork-ers. These powerful stories illustrate how practic-ing Step Nine can help us, as A.A.’s co-founder Bill W. wrote, “know a new freedom and a new happiness.”

To get a copy of this book, or any other Grapevine publication, drop by Central Office.

New Grapevine Publication:

Making Amends:

Finding a new freedom

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We Care Editor: The Cyber Sot

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Please email newsletter submissions by

the 25th of each month.

For subscription information, see page 15

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Phone 661-322-4025

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Central Office of Kern County

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Documents

Happiness Comes Quietly - kernaa.org · My sobriety is a miracle: a gift from my Higher Power, the 12 Steps, and the fel-lowship of A.A. They keep me sober. ... - Jim Rohn “The