Y O U N G C H R I S T I A N M A NJULY 2010

GENUINE MOTIVATION

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GOOD GREIF(ING)

THE ATTRACTION OF DISTRACTION

YOUNGCHRISTIANMAN04 FeatureArticle:Good Grief(ing) Silence Is Golden DONNA LEE SCHILLINGER

06 OnTheCouch:The Attraction of Distraction RANDY KOSLOSKI

08 CanYouRelate:Why Wait? JOHN R. BURI, PH.D.

10 PestControlForYourSins:Pay More, Get Less ROB BEAMES

12 CorneredByGrace:The Stiff Arm of the Law ROB BEAMES

14 PressOn:Broken Mirrors WILL DOLE

16 TheToolBox:Dirty Ducks Unlimited and Other Alternatives to Disneyland JEFFREY BRIDGMAN

16 TheToolBox:Dirty Ducks Unlimited and Other Alternatives to Disneyland JEFFREY BRIDGMAN

ART + CREATIVE DIRECTOR / MICHAEL MUROEDITOR IN CHIEF / ROB BEAMES

A PUBLICATION OF ON MY OWN NOW MINISTRIES WWW.ONMYOWNNOW.COM

JULY 2010

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GM : 4

GOOD GRIEF(ING)

9 9

By Donna Lee Schillinger

LIKE ONE WHO TAKES AWAY A GARMENT ON A COLD DAY, OR LIKE VINEGAR POURED ON SODA, IS ONE WHO SINGS SONGS TO A HEAVY HEART.

Proverbs 25:20

Around the Forth of July, we are often reminded of the death of brave soldiers and even loved ones in the history of our great nation. In honor of my grandfather, Wilbur Hunter, a World War II veteran who passed away on May 8, 2010, I offer this observation: Americans suck at comforting people. There are some wonderful things about American culture, but when it comes to grieving, our culture has left us completely unprepared. We have no idea how to comfort someone who has just lost someone very close. Probably because we just don’t think it’s ever going to happen to us!

When my brother-in-law passed away at 46 years of age, his wife needed support that I didn’t know how to give. Having been married for almost 15 years, this man was her life. When I saw her for the first time after he passed away, she looked like I’d never seen her look before—lost. It was so sad and she was so upset and I… was clueless as to how to help. I was hurting acutely as well, and having

recently suffered the loss of my own son, one would think I would know what to do in such a situation. In those first hours at my sister-in-law’s home, I wracked my brain for some direction on how to behave. I knew what my sister-in-law was feeling, but also knew better than to tell her that.

That’s rule number one, a grieving person doesn’t want to hear that you know how he feels—he won’t believe it or appreciate it, even if it’s true. In fact, it is rarely ever true. No matter how similar the situation or the loss seems to us, we don’t know how each person in the same circumstances actually feels. We can’t, because he is a unique individual with different ways of responding to the world around them. We can guess how he feels, and perhaps be quite accurate. We can estimate how we think we would feel in the same situation, and our evaluation may be close, but we can never actually know how that certain individual feels. We should be hesitant to tell him we know how he feels, and much quicker to ask him how he’s coping.

Silence

GOLDENIS

GM : 5

Here it is—how to co-grieve in two simple steps: Don’t hold back your own feelings of grief; and just sit quietly with the grieving person. Simple. On the flipside, our proverb tells us what not to do: sing songs. Duh! Right? Wrong. Maybe your momma taught you better than to break out into song while you’re in the presence of someone who is grieving, but I can tell you from experience, not all have the good judgment not to “sing songs.”

The book of Job actually holds some solid advice on co-grieving. Job’s three friends have gone down in history as examples of what not to do for a friend who is suffering, but that’s not fair. It’s true that those guys screwed up the moment they opened their mouths, but do you recall what they did before they spoke? Take note:

“When they saw [Job] from a distance, they could hardly recognize him, they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was” (Job 2:12-13).

A life has been lost, but all we can muster is 15 minutes of reverence. About that soon after the mourners arrive, they start discussing the weather, the traffic, a movie that just came out—anything. It’s like, “We did our thing, we gave a tearful hug to the widow, life goes on, get over it.” We should bear in mind that for the person mourning, the fact that life goes on might be infuriating. The person mourning most heavily may want all the world to stop for at least one full day and observe her grief with her—sit in silent contemplation of the one she has lost.

On the day of my son’s funeral, we went to my mother’s house after the burial and within 10 minutes, it was like we were at a family reunion. All the reverence for the occasion that had been apparent at the grave site dissipated and only my husband and I were left sitting on the couch, choking down a sandwich, listening to mundane conversation around us, wondering what the heck just happened! Did everyone simultaneously forget that our son died?

It doesn’t always play out this way. Sometimes the person who was closest to the deceased will not appear to be heavily grieved, and some may not want comfort. Some, particularly if the death of their loved one was a result of a long battle with disease or from old age, may have done a lot of their heavy grieving in the months that preceded the death. They may be in a “let’s celebrate their life” mode. In that case, do it, celebrate their life. This doesn’t mean it’s OK to start talking about books and movies within 15 minutes, it means the grieving person wants the mood to be positive, but still all about the one they love.

Our society tends to marginalize these types of things due to the uneasy nature of the subject. Death causes us to address questions about which we may be uncertain. Most of us don’t like to dwell on the afterlife, although we may strongly believe in its existence. Some don’t want to discuss it because they really don’t know what will happen. For this reason, it may have been easier for Job’s friends to support him through the grieving process in the manner they did, although they might have been getting a little hungry for a sub sandwich or antsy for pillow after sitting on the hard ground with Job for four days straight. They probably didn’t feel the emotional doubt we often do and were more accustomed to the physical discomfort than most of us are. And yet, we find out later that they didn’t know as much as they thought they did about God and death.

We can take solace in that fact, and realize we can learn something from one of the oldest recorded funerals. When we attempt to comfort someone, we may feel extremely uncomfortable from the minute we arrive to the minute we walk out the door, but we can be encouraged knowing that God can use the attitude of our heart when it’s focused on helping the grieving person. We should remember that it won’t necessarily be our words that provide them with the comfort they need. Their comfort comes foremost from God’s Spirit. Our willingness to simply stand (or sit) with them in their time of grief will speak volumes.

* Donna Lee Schillinger is the founder of On My Own Now Ministries, Inc., editor of Single! Young Christian Woman and author of On My Own Now: Straight Talk from the Proverbs for Young Christian Women who Want to Remain Pure, Debt-free and Regret-free.

The important thing is to take your cues from the person with whom you’re grieving: match their mood and don’t change the subject. This day is all about the person who passed away. Stay focused. That’s it. It’s simple, yet it does not necessarily feel natural or comfortable.

“Death causes us to address questions about which we may be uncertain.”

by Randy Kosloski

THE ATTRACTION OF DISTRACTION

onthecouch

Denny had a strong propensity to wander. He originally sought counseling due to the discord he experienced with his father, which was an issue so severe that it caused a disconnect with his entire family. Like many of us, Denny had taken for granted that a healthy relationship with his father would happen naturally with little effort, but it did not. After some initial exploration into this broken relationship, it was clear that Denny harbored monumental resentments from his childhood because his father consistently chose activities, such as golf or work, over parenting.

When I first met Denny, he appeared to be executing his daily responsibilities quite well, and had a good job, although it was one about which he wasn’t very passionate. He had recently developed several positive romantic relationships, and although he exhibited the potential to develop a drinking problem, he was not considered to be an alcoholic. His success in everyday life seemed to beg the question even more profoundly: Why did he need all the distractions?

After a while, it became apparent that Denny needed the distractions in his life to keep from facing the fear of losing what meant most to him: a deep, intimate relationship with his family. There was little peace

between himself and his family, but he didn’t want to accept this fact. Since he could find no way to resolve it, he had to distract himself, in order to distance himself from it.

Making such difficult changes in our lives can be frightening, but it is sometimes necessary in order to construct lives of meaning, or as Miller might say, “to write a story of our life that is worth reading.”

If we give it some thought, we might find that Denny isn’t that much unlike most of us. We all, at times, look for the easy way out. Men seem to be especially prone to look for the escape hatch when a quick resolution isn’t in sight. This hatch can take many forms, depending on our personality. Perhaps we would benefit by taking more seriously our many daily choices, keeping in mind that even routine tasks can either create meaning in our lives, or they can be used as distractions to keep us from facing serious issues. If we discover we are distracting ourselves a significant amount of the time, we should look for the reason we do this. In the end, we want to be using our time to create meaning in our lives, rather than creating only distractions.

On the other hand, putting meaning in our lives requires hard work and focus. To create lives of meaning we need to carefully scrutinize all our activities and try to choose only the meaningful ones. If we find that changes are required in our lives, we often find them to be fundamental changes and those can be very intimidating. In Denny’s case, he had to confront his father with his genuine feelings regarding their past relationship. This was necessary so they could have a meaningful relationship going forward. He also had to resolve some past issues so that the family could grow closer, no longer hindered by the choking weeds of resentment.

Author Donald Miller, known for his work, Blue Like Jazz, illustrates this point very well in his book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: What I learned While Editing My Life. As the title suggests, after Miller began to understand how much of his daily life actually served as a distraction, he discusses the changes that we can undertake to create a life of meaning, instead. Through his stream-of-consciousness style of writing, Miller takes the reader along an introspective journey—reminiscent of Holden Caufield’s life and times. The reader is also given permission for open self-reflection through the honest transparency the author uses in his own reflections.

Despite the lack of devotion he showed when Denny was young, Denny’s father held high standards for him as an adult in both work and religion. Denny responded by replacing his father’s values with his own in much the same way he felt his father did to him as a child. Withdrawal as a defense mechanism eventually caused Denny the most anguish. Ironically, as Denny pulled away, his father wanted to increase his presence in Denny’s life. He became more a part of Denny’s adult life than he was when living with him under the same roof. And every bit of unwanted advice his father provided—advice on spiritual growth, career, family—became highly irksome.

Not unlike most sons, this bitterness did not wipe out his drive to please his father, and consequently, this internal ambivalence led him to some harmful distractions, including isolation from his family, excessive drinking and destructive romantic relationships. When the bonds he made with women became uncomfortable for him, he simply broke those connections and fled. He had no problem with this. He continued to ignore the harm this caused, and quickly moved on to any new relationship or activity which provided him with an adequate distraction—just as his father had previously done to him.

“Even routine tasks can either create meaning in our lives, or they can be used as distractions

to keep us from facing serious issues.”

GM : 7

Through this helpful work, we learn that with a genuine desire for change, it is indeed possible. Proverbs 4:22 may be warning against our propensity to give into distractions when it says, “Fix your eyes directly before you.” One translation actually advises us to avoid the sideshow and distractions. Stating it this way can help illuminate the essential issue for us. Maybe we create distractions because they are attractive, so inviting and readily available. We just fall right into them.

GM : 08

S ummer seems like an appropriate time to celebrate our independence as a nation, as students free of classes, or as working men taking an earned vacation. Living in the land of the free, we sometimes grip our independence a bit too tightly in the context of our civil status. Anymore, it seems men, especially, tend to be hesitant to tie the knot.

Not too long ago I had a conversation with a group of recent college graduates including both men and women. To a person, they all agreed that they would not be getting married anytime soon, and several of them were even more specific. “Definitely not until after 30,” was a phrase which frequently captured the essence of the responses. I walked away asking myself the question, “Why do so many intentionally plan on marrying later in life?”

Men have a well-know reputation for their stiff-arming approach to marriage. Yet, surprisingly, single women are the fastest growing demographic in America. The median age at first marriage for women has gone from age 21 in 1970 to age 27, presently. Furthermore, the marriage rate for women under 35 has declined from 7.5 percent in this same year to just under four percent today—nearly a 50 percent reduction.

Recently, I had a conversation with a young man named Eric, who is 27 years old. While in college, he dated a woman, named Andrea, whom he described as the love of his life. Eric looked back fondly on their relationship: “Andrea and I got along great. We had chemistry. We could talk for hours, or we could just hang out. We were perfectly comfortable simply being together...saying almost nothing. We never seemed to be at a loss for things that we enjoyed doing together. It stayed this way for over three years.”

It sounds like Eric had found the love of his life, doesn’t it? They had chemistry. They were able to communicate. They enjoyed each others’ company. The relationship had shown staying power by thriving for over three years. It doesn’t get much better than that.

Eric lamented, “I have dated a lot of women since then, some more seriously, most less so. I haven’t found anyone quite like Andrea. I think I blew it. I think I missed out on a wonderful woman. I let her get away.”

Unfortunately, Eric’s story is not unique. I wish I could say that after a break-up, few people look back with regret. It would be a nice to be able to say few people feel that they passed on an individual who would have made a great life companion. I can’t say either of these is true. I’ve heard it recounted dozens of times. Men and women often realize, almost always too late, that they let “get away” someone with whom they could have truly been happy.

However, as Eric continued to explain, a problem emerged shortly after their graduation. Andrea wanted more. She was interested in “a future” together. The more she wanted to talk about their future, the more Eric pulled away. Within a year, had they split up.

W H Y W A I T ?

BY JOHN R . BURI , PH .DCan You Relate

GM : 09

Most of us are familiar with studies which report that one’s age at marriage is inversely related to marital success. In other words, the earlier one marries, the less likely one will experience a lifetime of joyful companionship. In light of such studies, it makes sense to hesitate when it comes to marriage. This type of logic leads us to believe that the longer we wait, the better off we are.

However, it is interesting to note that this only applies for individuals up to approximately the age of 22 years. Marriages begun before the vow-takers are 22 years old, see the probability of their marital success drop drastically. On the other hand, if the marriage license is signed by couples older than age 22, this is no longer true. In fact, recent evidence has suggested that the highest quality marriages are found among those who married between the ages 22 and 25.

Perhaps sometimes as men, we have expectations which are not realistic. Our ideal concept of a wife could be so close to perfection that she doesn’t actually exist. If this happens to be the case, perhaps a simpler approach is worth considering. If a woman has the desire to marry and has proven to be a wonderful traveling companion along this journey we call life then why not seize the opportunity? Why not marry the woman and “make it official”? While it is not wise to enter into marriage brashly or spontaneously, neither should we avoid it on a foolish search for the perfect woman. Take all the time needed to make a sound decision, but realize some opportunities don’t last forever, and some don’t come around again.

John R. Buri, Ph.D., is a professor of Psychology at the University of St. Thomas in Saint Paul, Minnesota. He is the author of the book How To Love Your Wife. He also has published over 75 articles, questionnaires and professional papers. John has spent 20+ years working with couples and has extensive experience doing marriage prep and marriage enrichment with groups in the upper Midwest.

Recent evidence has also revealed that couples who wait until after 30 to marry, risk having to endure undesirable marriages. Many people over the age of 30 can attest that as they get older they tend to get set in their ways. This is one characteristic that is notoriously detrimental to the type of mutual give-and-take so essential to intimate, loving and caring relationships.

Obviously, this does not mean that all marriages that occur after the age of 30 are doomed to fail, or even must expect mediocrity, but it does suggest that such marriages may require a modicum of extra energy, effort, and attention. To be successful, they will probably require an added dose of give-and-take, as well.

So, what’s the answer to my question, “Why wait?” Given all this data, it doesn’t appear the mass majority of the dating world has determined a viable solution. Perhaps to some the answer has become far too complicated. Could it be that many think through the decision to the extent that they confuse even themselves?

It might be that after a while we tend to acquire a pessimistic attitude which echoes a statement the author of Ecclesiastes once made, “while I was still searching, but not finding—I found one upright man among a thousand, but not one upright woman among them all” (Eccl.7:28). Although this passage is about a search for moral character rather than a suitable spouse, it captures a sentiment which can snowball during the dating process. We can easily start to believe that our searching will end in vain, and we don’t have a chance at enjoying the blessings which come from a strong, loving matrimonial bond.

This article was reprinted with permission from “Love Bytes: Insights on Our Deepest Desire”, a blog of PsychologyToday.com

GM : 10

Americans tend to complain every time we fill up our tanks with approximately the same amount of gasoline at an increasingly inflated price. As full-fledged capitalists, we object when we bring home a smaller container of ice cream for roughly the same price as in the past. As citizens of a beloved free enterprise, we may even fuss when we pay six dollars for the same box of Girl Scout cookies, which used to cost only three. It goes against our grain to pay a higher price for a perceived lower return on each dollar spent. We expect to “get what we paid for,” and when we don’t, we are naturally disappointed.

Advertising companies leverage these values with slogans like “25% More Free!” Some of us may have even fallen prey for this line: “More taste! Less filling!” This type of advertisement campaign is successful because it appeals to our desire to get more by sacrificing less. Wouldn’t we find it ridiculous if an advertisement asked us to pay more for less? Who would buy that product? Amazingly, sin has been successfully running this campaign on us since the dawn of time.

Each time we sin, we give up more of ourselves and get less in return. Each time we go to that forbidden place there is a higher spiritual cover charge required to enter. Any drug pusher understands this concept. In the beginning, they give away free samples to build an addicted clientele. As drug use continues, the user needs a greater amount to achieve the same high.

BY ROB BEAMES

PEST CONTROL FOR YOUR SINS

PAYMOREGET

GM : 11

We can reap significant benefits by becoming acutely aware of this attack strategy. Simply acknowledging its existence can help us become more resistant to the luring power of sin over us. Consider it a preventive war strategy. As in past battles, armies would put up obstacles, such as barbed wire, so that the enemy wouldn’t get a straight shot at them. In a similar fashion, knowing from which direction the assault is coming, we can keep the enemy from having a direct spiritual line of fire on us.

Additionally, we can turn this law into an effective weapon—in our favor—as we fight against our sin. We see the same rule at work, in the reverse, as we resist the temptation to sin. This means we can actually gain a little control back each time we do not give into temptation to sin. Those seemingly small victories really do mean something! It comes down to a battle for spiritual territory.

However, before the new car smell wears off, most of us find it has become common and outdated. The principal boils down to this: We continue to want more, so we give more, but we get less in return.

So, as we pray and ask God to grant us power over our sin, remember that sin is an undesirable and dangerous pathway with which we will inevitably be more and more disappointed as we travel down it. It can be an effective deterrent to understand that by sinning we increasingly give up more of what God intends us to be in Christ, and in exchange, receive increasingly less of what we mistakenly thought we desired all along. To state the obvious: sin is not the answer. In the end, only our loving God can provide us with the happiness, contentment and peace for which we long. He’s already provided these things without the risks, destructive aspects or pain, which inevitably come from sin. It’s yet another reason to call on God for our rescue, while we continue fighting our sin until we breathe our last breath.

It works in a similar way with our sin. By providing high thrills, exciting experiences or high gratification in the beginning, we already begin to long to do it again. But each time we sin, we get less from it. Whether it involves a certain control, thrill or pleasure, we immediately begin receiving a diminishing return as soon as we sin. The next time we will have to “up the ante” to get back the same level of perceived return we got in the beginning.

It can be an eye-opening experience to realize the next time we sin in a particular way, the less we are going to enjoy it. We know we’re not supposed to enjoy sin, but as we’ve previously discussed, we wouldn’t be tempted by sin if it wasn’t attractive (see “Pest Control for Sins, Part 1” in the May 2010 issue). Recognizing diminishing utility is more than a mere mental trick, but rather a way to focus on the reality of the way things work. Of course, as we grow in Christ, and draw closer to the Lord, the Holy Spirit steadily removes our ability to actually enjoy sin. Still, it’s helpful to realize this rule is at work everywhere we turn, including the spiritual realm, and especially regarding the sins we commit.

This same principal explains why video games have progressively challenging new levels. Game designers know they have to keep us from becoming bored too easily. Similarly, when we first buy a new car, we are so impressed with its new gadgets, we feel it was worth every dollar.

Here’s where the Law of Diminishing Marginal Utility comes in. Simply put, the more we experience something, the less enjoyment we actually acquire from it. For example, when we first discover a food we really like, we get an incredible sense of pleasure out of it. We can’t wait to return to that restaurant, so we can have that same taste sensation again. After a while that same food doesn’t provide the same level of gratification it did the first few times we ordered it. If we continue to order the same menu item too often, we may even grow tired of it and want something else. We have to keep adding the cayenne pepper in order to get a spicier meatball with the same kick. We find ourselves having to take more and more risks in order to get the same thrill.

“As we grow in Christ, and draw closer to the Lord, the Holy Spirit steadily removes our ability to

actually enjoy sin.”

I t must be nice to be a highway patrol officer and always be so popular. Simply by entering a major highway, they cause all the other cars to gather around them. It appears that drivers everywhere want

to be as close to them as they possibly can—without passing. As soon as we see a patrol car, we slam on our breaks, so we can drive right along side them. Yet, we don’t stay close to patrol vehicles because we are attracted to them in some way. The real reason we stick so close is to go as fast as we can without getting a speeding ticket.

Nothing out of the ordinary, I know. However, on my way to work a while back, I saw something really amazing. I merged onto the interstate and looked over my shoulder only to see a familiar gold-colored car, driven by a man wearing a wide-brimmed, black hat. So I joined his followers a safe distance behind the officer hoping he would take the next exit. We drove in a swarm at exactly 54 mph. Suddenly, a car (driven by someone obviously more desperate to get to work than I) sped past me. I watched as this car raced up directly behind the officer, and kept pace, surrounded by the throng of cautious drivers. The officer changed lanes and let the car pass him, only to flash his lights and pull it over to the side of the road. I couldn’t believe my eyes! It appeared the officer had pulled someone over for following too closely behind him. I couldn’t help but cheer on the officer. I have often wished that someone would get a ticket for bumper-riding—one of my biggest pet peeves (which I admit to doing when absolutely necessary. Oh, and before I reached the office, I repented for taking joy in the mishap of others.)

GM : 12

LAW

THE STIFF ARM

OF THE

C O R N E R E D B Y G R A C E

BY ROB BEAMES

GM : 13

Maybe it’s not a direct correlation, but isn’t this how we sometimes view God’s law? When gazing right at the law in front of us, do we “hit the breaks,” so to speak, in order to make it look like we’ve been observing it all along? Do we come right up along side the law and keep pace with it, as if to demonstrate that His law is our heart’s desire? In realty, most of us really wish God’s law would take the next exit and get off the road. When the law pulls someone over with flashing red lights, do we cheer—at least in our hearts—believing justice was served by making the roads safer for everyone else?

Does this mean the law is no longer a rule for our lives? On the contrary, we now must keep an even higher law which comes from the heart, is guided by love and is empowered by the Spirit of Christ—even when we don’t see a spiritual state trooper on the road. For example, the law instructed us not to kill, but since we have been loved by God (even though we deserve His hate), He demands that we love others from our heart. Paul confirms this in Romans 13:10, saying, “Love is the fulfillment of the law.” No, we cannot disregard the law; in fact, we have an added responsibility to deeply respect it, not just with an outward appearance of compliance, but with our hearts out of love for God and for others. This is a more difficult thing to do and we cannot succeed without the help of His Holy Spirit.

From the perspective of our sin nature, we have a distorted view of the law. We might think of it like the “long arm of the law” used to be in old western movies. The bad guy could run, but he could not hide. In this context, we feel doomed to get what is coming to us. Perhaps, without faith in Christ, that‘s an appropriate concept. However, for those of us who trust in Christ alone, it might be more beneficial to think of God’s law like the “stiff arm” of a running back on a football team. As a ball carrier often sticks his arm out to keep away a potential tackler, so God’s law could be seen as “stiff arming” us. Since it is a pointless endeavor to try to tackle God’s law ourselves, His law pushes us to Christ, so we can fall at His feet of grace. In this humble state, we start to obey, not out of a fear of punishment, but out of a heart that is free to pursue righteousness because of our love for Him alone. (I believe He wanted me to remind you of this!)

In the third chapter of Galatians, the Apostle Paul seems to view God’s law as having an entirely different purpose. First, he explains a couple things the law did not do: it did not invalidate a covenant previously established by God, nor did it nullify the promise of a loving relationship with God through His Spirit. Then, Paul tells us the precise purpose of the law in verse 23, saying, “So the law was put in charge to lead us to Christ that we might be justified by faith. Now that faith has come, we are no longer under the supervision of the law” (Galatians 3:23).

The word from the original language translated as “put in charge,” can be translated as “acting as a tutor,” and refers to a personal slave who served as a babysitter to a freeborn child. With this verse we see that the main purpose of the law is to lead us to Jesus, who fulfilled the law perfectly, rather than to chastise us due to our inability to fulfill the law ourselves. Its role is to drive us away from ourselves, even away from the strict letter of the law itself, and toward the person of Jesus Christ, so that we might be justified by faith. Now that we have faith in Christ, we no longer need the law to act as a babysitter to watch over us. We are redeemed by our faith in the way Jesus fulfilled the law, not by the law, itself.

“We now must keep an even higher law which comes from the heart, is guided by love and is empowered by the Spirit of Christ”

LOVE IS THE FULFILLMENT OF THE LAW.

Blaise Pascal said, “There is a God-shaped vacuum in the heart of every man which cannot be filled by any created thing, but only by God, the Creator, made known through Jesus.” Even if we believe this, our search for significance is often misguided by ego, seeking to fill our vacuum with our wants and desires.

GM : 14

BROKENMIRRORSWHY ARE WE HERE? WHAT IS OUR PURPOSE?

PRESS ON

BY WILL DOLE

Not only is an ego-based search not Biblical, we know from experience it just doesn’t work—nothing actually fills our emptiness. We can drink all we want, and only find the bottom of the bottle. We can sleep with every woman we may desire, and still feel lonely. We can make all the money we could possibly want, but it will never be enough. We can even work with all our might to please God, yet in the end it will not bring us any closer to finding our purpose.

These strategies fail because they are based on the faulty premise that we need to strive for our own fulfillment. Sadly, a lot of Christians buy into this notion, evidenced by the many Christian self-help books on how to have the best life or be a better person. Isn’t this just a variation on the theme of an ego-based search for purpose? A Bible-based search for purpose is antithetical to such approaches in that we must conclude that our lives are not, primarily, about us.

In his introduction to the book of Genesis in The Message, Eugene Peterson puts it this way: “First, God. God is the subject of life. God is foundational for living. If we don’t sense the primacy of God, we will never get it right, get life right, get our lives right. Not God in the margins; not God as an option; not God on the weekends. God at the center and circumference; God first and last; God, God, God.”

So what about us? Where do we fit in with “God, God, God”? The Westminster Shorter Catechism in Modern English replies: “Man’s primary purpose is to glorify God, and enjoy Him forever.” God made us to bring Him glory, and consequently, we reap the benefits of doing so.

God created many astonishing things to glorify Him in amazing ways—ants that can lift many times their own weight, animals that can change color to match their surroundings. These creatures boggle the mind! After each act of creation, God said His work was “good.” However, He declared His creation of man to be “very good.” We are not just another one of God’s impressive creatures, but as the pinnacle of His creation, we actually bear something more: the very image of God! (Gen. 1:26, 27)

God made each of us to reflect Him in all that we do—like a mirror reflects an image. As His image bearer, we have been given far more value than anything else in creation. And yet, we largely are not fulfilling our purpose of mirroring the character of God. Why?

It goes back to that fateful day Adam ate the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. God designed us to reflect His nature, but when we choose to sin we shatter that mirror. In our fallen state we lack the understanding of what we are supposed to be reflecting. Our efforts to piece the mirror back together amount to nothing. Until we look to Jesus for our salvation alone, we will continue to sin, continue to fail, and continue to be shattered in every sense of the word.

This is not the bad news it seems to be. In 1 Peter 2:24 we are told that, “He Himself bore our sins in His body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by His wounds you have been healed.” So we see that Jesus Christ died for us not primarily so we could go to church on Sunday, listen to a preacher, and feel eternally safe—although we can certainly do those things—rather He died to make us a people who are His very own. With an intense love for the unlovable, Jesus purchased us in order to piece our broken mirrors back together. As we radiate His glory, we will find our purpose. In the process of fulfilling our true purpose—rather than looking for our own fulfillment—we will find everlasting joy!

GM : 15

“GOD DESIGNED US TO REFLECT HIS NATURE, BUT WHEN WE CHOOSE TO SIN WE SHATTER THAT MIRROR.”

“MAN’S PRIMARY PURPOSE IS TO GLORIFY GOD,

AND ENJOY HIM FOREVER.”

TOOLBOX

THE by JEFFREY BRIDGMAN

TB

DIRTY DUCKS UNLIMITED& OTHER ALTERNATIVES TO DISNEYLAND

The following is a random, fictional conversation which very well could take place anywhere in the country this month between two average guys.

Dreading another boring summer? Consider a vacation with a purpose—volunteering. Rather than using your time off to go camping or to some lame theme park, you could be having the kind of adventures you watch on the Travel or Discovery channel, all for a good cause. Volunteering vacations can also be a wonderful way to do something related to your career interests. For instance, if you’re interested in helping third-world countries develop sustainable infrastructure, you could find a project that offers hands-on experience in this area, which, in turn, could help you decide if you really want to commit to this line of work.

JEFF: Here we are in the middle of summer, again! What have you been doing so far?BOB: Working again at (insert boring retail or fast food restaurant here). JEFF: (After gasping with horror and dread, following a slight pause) I know! You should totally volunteer somewhere (giving a dorky thumbs-up)!

How Far Do You Want to Take This?Volunteering vacations are available as close as your home state and as far away as Timbuktu. If you’re thinking about going abroad, a great place to start in finding a volunteering vacation is VolunteerAbroad.com, a searchable database of projects in almost every country and type of work imaginable. Their sister site, goabroad.com, also has many useful bits of travel information, as well as search fields for other “going abroad” options, such as studying or teaching.

Dirty Duck CallBut if you want to go where you’re really needed right now, get yourself to the Gulf of Mexico! Check out How You Can Volunteer to Clean Up the Gulf of Mexico Oil Spill & Register for a Green Job Now where you’ll find direct links to coordinated efforts by Audubon, Sierra Club, National Wildlife Federation and others. Jobs range from food prep for all the other workers, to nitty-gritty stuff like cleaning oil off of birds. It’s work, no doubt, but wouldn’t it be cool to have a part in the clean up of the worst oil spill in history? Sounds more meaningful than breakfast with Mickey.

Wait, I have to pay?I said volunteering vacation, not free vacation. Yes, most programs have a cost associated with them, but in essence you are making a donation to a good cause.

Speaking of church families, how about contacting the local missionaries that your church supports to see if you can spend some time helping them? Think how exciting it would be to spend a month in Japan helping with missions, with your own personal tour guides. It’s a great way to learn about a foreign culture, do some sightseeing and help reach people for Christ.

Most organizations that offer volunteering vacations are charities, and so the costs of your trip might even be tax-deductible. Many places also provide help with fund-raising. If the volunteer activity is religious in nature, consider it a mission trip and ask your church family to help out.

Closer to HomeWant some time in the great outdoors? Volunteer with a state or national park. The U.S. National Park Service uses volunteers to clear trails, guide tours, do historical reenactments dressed in period clothes and lots of other essential park functions. Search by state or park to learn more at www.nps.gov. The American Hiking Society offers opportunities to work on trails and facilities in national rivers, forests and wildernesses. And there are tons of other options that a thorough search on “volunteer vacations” will turn up.

GM : 16