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FROM

THE EXCITEMENT OF COURTSHIP

TO THE EXCITEMENT OF MARRIAGE

Marlon and Jacky Retana

Goal: To present the great emotion of the courtship and the one from

the first days of marriage against the routine in which the couple can

fall. This with the aim of working to get back to those times.

“Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the

days of the life of thy vanity, which he hath given

thee under the sun, all the days of thy vanity: for that

is thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which

thou takest under the sun”

(Ecclesiastes 9: 9, KJV)1

Before we start, we would appreciate if you can write down on a

paper, three things that every one of you used to do for your spouse

during courtship.

Brother Guy N. Woods, in his book "Questions and Answers"

quotes The Brother H. Leo Boles in what was his definition of

marriage,

“Marriage is an institution ordained of God for the

honor and happiness of mankind, in which one man

and one woman enter into a bodily and spiritual

union, pledging each to the other’s mutual love,

honor, fidelity, sympathy, forbearance, and

comradeship, such as should assure an unbroken

continuance of their wedlock so long as both shall

live.”2

Today we are gathered here to celebrate our marriages in this

beautiful activity which theme is “Live joyfully with the person you

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love.” We were honored with the opportunity to talk on the topic “From

the excitement of courtship to the emotion of marriage.”

Merriam-Webster’s dictionary defines the word emotion as “a

conscious mental reaction (such as anger or fear) subjectively

experienced as strong feeling usually directed toward a specific object

and typically accompanied by physiological and behavioral changes in

the body”3

Joy is more than just a simple emotion, is something we feel, very

related to our mood and complacency. We are sure that brother Jack

Farber has a lot to tell us on how to live joyfully with our spouse as we

read in Ecclesiastes 9:9, so I will not go further into it.

Let us proceed with our study.

THE EXCITEMENT OF DATING: A GREAT

FEELING THAT FILLS THE OTHER SIDE.

Brethren, the same writer of the Book of Ecclesiastes, is the same

who composed three thousand proverbs (1 Kings 4:32), being one of

them,

“Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and

obtaineth favour of the Lord.”

(Proverbs 18:22).

Our Lord Jesus Christ, in one of his parables teaches us the

following,

“Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto a

merchant man, seeking goodly pearls: Who, when he

had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all

that he had, and bought it.”

(Matthew 13:45-46).

Our Savior gives us this beautiful illustration of how the kingdo m

of heaven is. The wise Solomon tells us that whoever finds a wife finds

a good thing. Brothers, our wives are not only beautiful, but also, in a

way, they are a precious pearl that we found, and we certainly do not

want to lose. One of the goals in our marriages is that we, both, work

together to enjoy that beautiful blessing of being in the Kingdom of

heaven.

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Gentlemen, what did you do to win your wives? Ladies, what did

you do to get to your husbands' hearts? How happened that moment

when you both decided you were for each other?

The courtship is that period of conquering, where each one of the

participants is allowed the opportunity to seek the hidden treasure in

the other. There are some “dates” when after several try-outs, no one

find that special thing that guides to the big step, and, therefore, the

relationship ends. But, there are others, in which, each one identifies

the good thing that is in front of their eyes, perhaps as a pearl of great

price, and that is when one goes all-in. That is where we can identify

that feeling that fills each other, and when the person takes the decision

of that beautiful step to follow, marriage.

UNFORGETTABLE MOMENTS:

THE FIRST DAYS OF MARRIAGE.

King Solomon not only wrote Ecclesiastes and Proverbs, but also

composed a thousand five songs (1 Kings 4:32). God is so powerful

that in His beautiful Word provides us with the best of those songs, or

perhaps, the collection of the best of them, as we read the Song of

Solomon. It is in this beautiful song that we are narrated the love story

between the king and his beloved.

Honeymoon is a beautiful time for newlyweds. Some may not had

one, to others it might not be as sensational as seen in the movies, and

maybe others had it that way. Honeymoon or not, what is important is

that after the wedding, lovers can finally be one flesh, and those

unforgettable moments are as we say, “a bed of roses.” Everything is

nice, everything is tender, everything is peace, everything is love. We

know a couple who have being married just a couple of years, and,

according to them, they “never” have had an argument or dispute, yet.

Brethren, even our inspired writer from whom we are studying his

writings, shows us a moment when his beloved doubted based on a bad

decision that she took.

Briefly summarizing the events between Solomon and his queen

according to Song of Solomon 5, he returns to his bedroom by dawn

after spending a long time in his garden. The door was closed, and he

called her, but she, lightly asleep, was not in the mood to get up to open,

so she does not do it. The passage shows that she was not wearing her

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coat, and not willing to get dressed and she has also washed her feet

and did not want to defile them. He decided not to insist and leave. She

felt remorse because of not opening the door to her husband, and

desperately, decided to sought for him, without finding him

“everywhere” she went. She asks for help to the daughters of

Jerusalem, which make her recognize that she knew where her beloved

was, but she did not have the courage to accept her mistake and

confront him on her own. Once she accepted the situation, she says the

following, “I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine...” (Song of

Solomon 6:3).

Even in those unforgettable moments in the early days of marriage

there may be some difficulties, but all this is part of this new stage. The

important thing is to get to recognize the beauty of being one flesh, “I

am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine.”

Ladies, especially those who have been married for several years,

can you share some tips or anecdotes from your first days of marriage?

Gentlemen, it is your turn to speak now or else hereafter forever.

Do we remember those first days of marriage? Do we continue

practicing what we did as a couple in those days? Do we spend time

with each other to enjoy ourselves as a couple?

Finally, let us go to the last section of our study, in which I hope

not many are, but that it is possible that some are, and it is precisely,

the dangerous routine.

THE ROUTINE IN MARRIAGE:

A PLACE NOT TO FALL.

Routine is one of those words that may have a positive or negative

purpose. According to the dictionary, routine is “habitual or mechanical

performance of an established procedure.”4

Having as routine to go every day to run, or to the gym, certainly

produces good results in our physical bodies. To read the Bible and

pray daily also produces good results in our spiritual bodies. With

respect to the routine in marriage, more study is required on our part.

Let us see an example from two different viewpoints.

▪ The husband gets up early in the morning, his wife is not at her

side of the bed because she rose up earlier to clean the house

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or prepare breakfast/lunch. The husband, innstead of going out

to salute her, hurries to take a shower and get ready to leave as

soon as possible, in order to avoid the famous bottlenecksof the

road. If he travels by bus, he might take a nap. If he drives, he

might be more worried on listening the “news” to be “updated”

on recent events, or to prevent falling asleep while driving,

instead of talking to his wife. His day at work is so busy, that

he does not even take a couple of minutes to call his wife..

Once his work ends and he returns home, he is so tired he does

not want to talk. He only wants to eat his dinner, watch the

news or the football game, and sleep. Perhaps, his wife is

waiting anxiously for him to talk about her day, and why not?

enjoy with him, but “he is worn out.”

▪ The wife wakes up earlier because she knows her husband

needs to take lunch to work and save some money. She also

likes to see her husband well groomed, and has her clothes

ready. Children also have to get ready to go to school and she

has to prepare their breakfast and snack. If she works, she also

needs to get ready. She is a very good woman and is always

aware of her home, she does not like to have anything messy.

When she is back home, she helps her children with school

chores and prepares dinner. When her husband finally comes

home, she has his dinner served, and she lies in bed, but she is

so tired that she falls asleep. Her husband, entering the room

perhaps looking forward to talk or enjoy time with her, sees her

so calmly that she decides to simply watch TV for a while and

then fall asleep.

What about the weekends? Well, he pays the bills, she does

laundry. They must go to the grocery store, take the kids out so they are

not bored of being locked up at home, maybe go to the movies, and

obviously attend to church on Sunday.

What time do they have for them? That is the point of our study.

This is the place where none of us want to fall. They have acquired so

many commitments that they have forgotten each other, because the

routine has annihilated them.

Sisters, do you identify any of yourselves with this situation, or

part of it?

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Brothers, how guilty or innocent are we of these charges?

The important thing right now is that those of us who have attended

this retreat want to strengthen our marriage. We want to propose you a

different “routine” in order to avoid falling into this destructive routine.

1. Talk with family and friends who can take care of the

children, maybe a weekend a month.

2. Surprise each other, simple thins like a plush or a rose for

the lady, a dessert or a good book for the gentleman, etc.

3. ¡COMMUNICATE each other! This is the key to a healthy

marriage. Take time out of your busy schedules to listen to

each other. An easy way to do it, sit at the table at dinner

time, together, every night, And if it is with the children,

better, this will help them in their development and follow

the example of their parents when they start their own

families.

4. A romantic dinner does not need to be expensive, nor to be

away from home. As the grandparents to take care of the

children that day and enjoy an evening together at home.

5. If the budget allows, escape during a weekend as you have

done this time during this retreat.

6. Do not forget God! Take time to read the Bible, and pray

together. A good way to keep doing is just before going to

sleep.

CONCLUSION.

We want to close this session with a quote from a marriage that is

an example to many of us, Glenn and Cindy Colley,

Marriage is an adventure. It’s a journey. It’s a

mystery and your own personal edition of non-

fictional romance. But successful marriage must be,

above all, a commitment. Sometimes the adventure

will lapse into boredom, the journey into retreat, the

mystery into routine and the romance into

disappointment. What about these times? The

answer is agape love.5

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Love just as Christ teaches us to love, just as our Heavenly Father

loves us, it is the key to having healthy marriages and routine-free. The

inspired apostle Paul, gives us one of the most important lessons

regarding marriage to learn,

“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also

loved the church, and gave himself for it”

(Ephesians 5:25).

Love more than a feeling, is an action. We must practice it, not just

wait for it, or “feel it.” The romance of dating is something we can

renew. The passion of those unforgettable moments of the early days

can come back. The routine can be defeated through a better routine.

Let us dedicate ourselves to love our spouses and to walk together

towards that beautiful reward we call Heaven.

The most beautiful definition of marriage is given by God since

the beginning, and it is so beautiful that even our Lord Jesus Christ, and

the Apostle Paul quoted it in their teachings,

“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his

mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall

be one flesh”

(Genesis 2:24).

¿Do you still the piece of paper where you wrote the three things

you did when you were courting your spouse? Look at them again and

think about how to put them into practice again.

God bless you!

REFERENCES

1 All Bible References are taken from the King James Version. 2 Guy N. Woods, Questions and Answers Open Forum, p.299. 3 “Emotion”, Merriam-Webster,

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/emotion 4 “Routine", Merriam-Webster,

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/routine 5 Glenn and Cindy Colley, You’re Singing My Song, 2007, p.5.