Don’t Read the Comments! A mini­game by Matthijs Holter Written in connection with, but completely unrelated to and in no way affiliated with, James Wallis’ “Alas Vegas” kickstarter.

Just a quick foreword I’m going to assume that if you read this, you know what role­playing games are and how to play them in general. If you don’t know me, or have never played any of my games, fair warning: Some of them might not be considered “Proper Role­Playing Games” by some people. I think this one is, but it’s not tightly structured, has no dice, and has a lot of room for interpretation. If you want something more structured, check out my GM­less generic game Archipelago, or, for that matter, Zombie Porn. Archipelago III: http://norwegianstyle.wordpress.com/2012/09/20/archipelago­iii Zombie Porn: http://norwegianstyle.wordpress.com/2007/12/28/zombie­porn Expect this game, “Don’t Read the Comments”, to be particularly loose. It’s meant to be played in maybe half an hour or an hour by a group of friends who like joking around and poking fun at stupidity.

Yeah, okay. What’s the game about? Oh no... you went and did it again. You’re sitting there reading the comments. The news article itself was actually pretty interesting... so why the hell didn’t you just leave it? Why did you enter this realm of trolling, strawmen, false dichotomies, badly concealed agendas, and ideological sewage? It’s too late now. You feel yourself being drawn into it. Into the comment itself. That one, on the screen, there. It’s not just somebody’s warped, malicious, imbecilic and ignorant idea anymore.

Now it’s reality. And you’re inside it. Luckily, you brought your friends. In “Don’t Read the Comments!” you are trapped inside comments from online newspaper discussion threads. You and the others will take turns as game masters, reading out one selected comment on your turn and using it to set the scene and improvise freely around it. You’ll probably play until everyone had a chance to GM. That’s up to you!

So who does what when, exactly? Before play, one or more of you should browse some comment threads in various online newspapers and pick out comments that seem particularly absurd, hilarious or extreme. Print them out or collect them in a document that everyone has access to. The game starts with one of you volunteering to be the first game master. That person will probably GM for about 5­15 minutes, until their particular little comment adventure seems done. Then the GM responsibility passes to the left, and the next GM starts a new scene. When you GM, you pick one of the comments that the group has prepared. Read it and perhaps think about it for a little, so you can visualize all the craziness in it. It’s up to you to interpret it for the others and make it come alive. Think about some details you can use. Make sure to interpret it completely literally, and exaggerate the most interesting parts. Once you’ve thought about it a little, read the comment aloud to the others as an intro. Then, set the scene: Tell them who they are, where they are, what they see, what’s happening around them. After that, play is pretty free. The others will play themselves (or “themselves”, or whatever characters you give them), and you will present the environment and how it reacts. Perhaps the players/characters will be part of the world­view as described in the comments (if it’s about the International Socialist Fascist Conspiracy, the players could be International Socialist Fascists, or possibly fighting against the ISFC, or victims of that hideous conspiracy). You’ll find examples in the section “Comments, and how to interpret them”, below! When the scene is at a natural end ­ perhaps the world has been destroyed in the obvious catastrophe that will occur according to whatever comment you’re playing out, or perhaps the players have finished whatever mission you gave them, or perhaps it’s all too absurd to go on with ­ finish it fairly quickly. Perhaps say a little epilogue, just a few sentences, to round it off. Then let the next GM select and run a new comment.

Some tips GM: ­ Paint it out! Describe the events and details fully, as if they’re real. Make the world appear in the players’ minds. ­ Keep the action going! This is not really a game for slow­paced, introspective scenes ­ though, by all means, throw in some of that too just to change pace. ­ Be literal! There are no metaphors in this game. If the comments talk about people “burying their heads in the sand”, that’s exactly what the players will find. ­ Poke fun at the comments and the ideologies behind them! Chances are you have your own strong opinions on stuff, and that’s okay, your friends probably know about them. But make sure, don’t forget: This game is about showing how insane these specific comments are. Players: ­ Take everything at face value. No meta­talk; just play out people who are desperate, confused, heroic in the face of this utter strangeness and the huge problems the world is currently facing. ­ Take action! Do things! Raise an army, sneak into a house, try to convince the proletariat that their revolution is unjust! You’re here to change the world ­ for the better! Or, “better”! Or maybe just “different”!

Comments, and how to interpret them Prime Picking!!! Adoption Agencies start your engines!! there is no word for 'adoption' in the language of Uganda and ut oh, boy oh boy, they are going to get hit hard by adoption agencies looking to make a profit... they don't even see it coming ­ within a decade, they WILL have a word for international adoption.... and their society will never forget when adoption invaded their country...

The characters are sent to Uganda on an armed mission to invade the country in the name of Internal Adoption Agencies, Inc. Somehow, Ugandans are physically unable to see the invasion coming, so everything runs pretty smooth to begin with. They encounter a lot of trouble, however, when people continually misunderstand the word “Adoption”.

So many potential flashpoints in Asia ­ Syria, Israel­Iran, India­Pakistan, N.Korea­S.Korea, China­Japan any of which can blow up into WWIII in an instant. And all the Asian crazies are nuclear, chemically & biologically armed ! They have no nuclear hotlines unlike in the cold­war and all hate each other due to ten thousand year old blood­feuds ! Its already been prophesied long ago WWIII ­ Armageddon is going to start in Asia and its going to be very soon, maybe even as early as this year !

ALL the Asian crazies? Oh yes, ALL of them. Welcome to Beijing, where people carry nukes, chemical bombs and strange­looking tubes filled with deadly diseases in the street. As the characters materialize in a busy street, locals try to recruit them to help in personal blood feuds. It’s a tricky situation, since they all carry nukes. And as the newspapers and TV stations proclaim that Armageddon is starting this afternoon just before dinner, things are really heating up.

We need a holocaust to remove people who butcher the english language. Find the butchers! Put them in camps!

i can take anyone's son pump him full with drugs , with an army at my disposal to threaten and kill him and his family plus drugs i can turn them into brutal murderers, is he to blame? no i would be the one to blame.

The players play out both sides. One half of them are an innocent family, including a son. The other half are a guy who somehow has an army of disposal and a huge drug pump. After the son is turned into a brutal murderer, there will be a trial! How will it end?

If CNN were posting news of every single rape in India, CNN would need to open at least 100 extra sites and hire 10,000 more staff just to publish news of rapes on India. It is not only women who get raped in India. Men, animals, birds, insects, dead objects, they all get raped in India.

Possible characters: The recruiters who have to hire 10,000 more staff, as soon as possible. The reporters writing home about the atrocities they’ve seen. The person raping an insect.

They have to be Commies. In the Beck thought method one has to focus on the name "Dragon". Now there has been the myth of Dragons in many societies but not as dominate as in Asia. And since Chinese are Asian and we know that dragons are very important to the myths of China and the Capsule is named "Dragon" they all must be Commie rocket sciencetist. Thank god for Beck.

Um yeah

In about 10 years, the Orion X­33 will be ready and everyone's knickers won't be in a twist anymore.

The characters have been working on the program for 9 years and 364 days! Their knickers are REALLY starting to annoy them. But tomorrow ­ tomorrow’s the big day! The knickers WILL be untwisted. Play out their final night in this twisted state, and how they prepare for the following

morning. A low­key and personal scene.

Chinese driver Ma is like a clown invited into F1, not because of his talent, but because of state sponsorship money. Let's admit it, chinese are the worse drivers in the planet. Just a little tad better than baboons driving a car.

The characters are a baboon and a clown in a Formula 1 race. Everyone knows the clowns are better (but just a little tad!), because of the state sponsorship. But who will win? And why is there a race specifically for the worst drivers on the planet? (Or... is the race actually in the planet? Is this a Hollow Earth expedition?)

Afterword I hope you have fun playing this. As I said, it’s pretty open and light, and quick to set up and play. Let me know how you like it ­ either on the site where you found it, or at matthijs1000@hotmail.com! Also, make sure to visit the Nørwegian Style blog to see more games written by myself and my friends. http://norwegianstyle.wordpress.com/