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In Intertwined Cessys life had a constant. He was a constant. In

my life you werent. You were like a pendulum swinging in and out of my

life at a constant rate. For six months like a ship you were anchored to

the harbor called home. You came with a eet of gifts packed inBalikbayanboxes. here was the expensi!e stu" you bought from #apan$

%pain$ &ustralia$ Indonesia. '!ery country you sailed to in the span of

your six(month absence in my life. hen there was the standard

pasalubong, chocolates$ to gi!e to the neighbors$ to the security guard at

school$ to lolas cousins friends nephew. o e!erybody.

You brought so much that by the end of the day$ e!en after gi!ing

away most of it$ and me eating a part of what was left$ felt sick. I would

ne!er !omit chocolate$ my fa!orite food of all time$ but as sweat trailed

down my forehead and a taste of acid bile was rising in my throat$ I

desperately wanted to. & sea of li)uid chocolate would ha!e owed out of

my mouth and stained our white tiled oors if I did not lo!e chocolate so

much. *transition pls+ You spent as much time as you can with us$ trying

to close the distance between us. I know you tried patching up the holes

in our relationship. ,ut you tried -xing them like the way you -xed theholes and leaks in the engines in sauna below the decks. ero ay$ some

things /ust cannot be done easily as one wants to.

&t the end of those six months$ you were cast o" outside the

country0 outside of my world. You were once again sailing the se!en

seas below the deck of that blasted ship$ inside of that blasted sauna. he

landline would ring e!ery once in a while. 1e would run to answer it$

hoping it was you. 2ost of the time it wasnt. ,ut when it was$ our

con!ersation was at most 3 minutes. here was still a line of seamen

awaiting their chance to speak with their own family$ you said. ero ay$

3 minutes was /ust not enough.

In the time you were away$ a lot of things happened. hings that I

could not cram in those -!e minutes I could barely and sparsely ha!e

with you$ no matter how hard I tried. I told myself it was -ne. I would tell

you next time about how I aced my test. I would tell you next time about

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how a dog was barking at me and chased me out of the subdi!ision we

used to /og at. It was -ne. I was -ne. It was not -ne. he distance was

slowly creating more holes in our sinking relationship. Your work led to

the shipwreck that is our relationship. I stopped caring. It would hurt lessif I did. I no longer cared for your longitudes and latitudes.

You were supposed to be the captain of our ship. You were supposed to

be the one helping me na!igate through the ma4e of decisions and

problems that stormed into my life. You were supposed to be the one who

would haul me out of my misery and wipe the tears that leaked through

my eyes. ,ut you werent there by my side. You were out there in the

se!en seas$ -xing leaks on the ships engine. I understand that you had to

earn cash for the family to sur!i!e but sometimes I wished you were

marooned in our own home.

&fter six months$ you would be back again.Balikbayanboxes would

litter the sala.You would once again bring out expensi!e gifts and my

fa!orite chocolate. You would once again try to shorten the distance

between us5 you would take us out to malls etc. ero tay$ these things will

not be able to supplement your missing presence in my life. It /ust isnt

enough. In the boat$ there is a limit to the cargo it can carry. ay$ there is

also a limit to how much material things can carry our relationship. It will

probably help it stay aoat in a calm lake$ but it would sink like an

anchor in a stormy sea.