Dating, Courtship, EngagementInstructorCourse1Dating- it is the occasional spending time together by a boy and a girl for the purpose of companionship, of getting acquainted, for entertainment, usually without any intention of marriage It is an educational process affording opportunity of being acquainted with persons of the opposite sex with social opportunities and their demands and restrictions surrounding the activities. It is a kind of a testing laboratory where one learns human changes and sex differences, and a communication workshop for the persons involvedPURPOSE1. Enjoying merely/having a good time with what another person provides (primary purpose) 2. Acquainting oneself with the temperaments, characteristics, and interests of a fairly large number of members of the opposite sex(ultimate purpose)3. One can decide whether each one can commit himself/herself to the other for life by getting to know the other well.STAGESA. Infatuation stage- when sex and romance are the key elements that often make the intellect loose control;Thrill and feelings are strongest; sex= love; decision to marry is very dangerous.B. Objectivity/Honesty- marked by greater awareness of relationship and sexuality; both relates with one another with a high degree of openness; leads to the discovery that the other is not attracted to the other as they both believe before, Discovery of the beauty of the other and deepens that beauty in other, hence, growth together, adjustments to each other; dreams are compromised.C. Altruism- marked by a focus on allowing the other person to grow and here a significant willingness to share both joys and pains to the othr and with the other; results to the growth of both in pain, patience, warmth, freedom, Strength, honesty and pleasures.KINDS OF DATING1. Group dating- this happens when group of girls agreed to meet a group of boys to share certain activities like going to a movie, picnic etc. The primary stage where young people interact to fellow teenagers( without the watchful eyes of the parents) and get along with them.2. Double dating- this involves 2 couples. There could be a lot of talk, a lot of laughter but the conversationNever get serious.2. Pair Dating- there comes a time a person get tired of dating different persons and he/she feels the need to settle for a permanent dating partner. This happen when an individual feels that he/she has found the characters he/she would want for a company. This is considered as stepping stone or a prerequisite to marriage. Thats when one should be cautious of the personYou are sharing a date with.Some individual put a different color to that friendly atmosphere in dating instead of developing themselves young people often get so impulsive and goes all the way down. A misconception among the young that dating and sexual intimacies go hand in hand.WHAT TO CONSIDER WITH A DATE1. Character- when everyone hopes that his/her dating partner is an options of good breeding.2. Physical appearance have a pleasing appearance, well groomed, free from body-odor.3. Financial capabilities- no one enjoys a date with nothing on his pocket. It provides the dating partner some sense of security.4. parental approval- it is essential tht their opinions are considered since it could help one in providing a feeling Of security while dating particularly if it is the first time and one is still dependent on them.5. Public Opinion- what people say of your partner can influence ones cxhoice of partner.6. Personal Choice- it is essential that one should go out with someone he personally likes/ feels comfortable with. He must not be compelled to go out with someone he does not like. It is not a matter of delecadeza to reject An invitation, but a matter of fairness to your partner and more to oneself. KINDS OF DATING1. Old Shoe familiarity- it is characterized by dates with old friends who are considered as comrades, with very little or no thrill or excitement being in love.2. Glamour dates- purely to date somebody who is well known in the campus; a personality who Happens to be the envy of ones eyes. Just dating somebody popular is enough.3. Blind date- known as pick-up dates. It is rather scary in a sense since it leaves you wondering how your date will look.4. Growing friendship date- provides the couple a chance to get to know each other better. This kind of date doesnt usually lead the couple to the altar but instead, to something that might beThe basis of a lifelong friendship.5. group date- it provides the group deeper acquaintances and closer socialization. It is an easy and natural approach to dating. It facilitates opportunities for acquiring social skills and reduce anxieties of being alone with your date.6. Steady dating- it allows you to go out with a permanent partner. In this kind of date you Become committed to your partner. It is rather more intimate in nature, it affords you and your partner to be at ease with each others company.TYPES OF DATERSA. Public Image Dater- this is the kind who wants to show everybody he is successful, the envy of friends. He loves to boast of his conquests. To him it is about the talk about dates that counts. He dates for impression and Prestige.2. Pageant Dater- this one prefers big events, big parties, shows, any place where there is crowd. He is not comfortable being alone, afraid of personal communication and commitment.3. Panic Dater- this is usually a girl, afraid of being left out of anything, thinks it is the end of the world if a dateless weekend comes up. DatesAnybody just to get out of the house.

4. Body Dater- this one would rather kiss and touch than talk. He is exploiter, has his own strategies to get something out of the girl. He camouflages early maneuvers with good manners, then moves in when the victim relaxes. Watch out for this one, girls. 5. Egophobe- is one who is afraid to sk because he anticipates he will be turned down. He is a defeatist, a pessimist, believes no else will have him.6. the trader is also a body dater-he expects affection as his natural right, his reward in return for the date, This one also bears watching.7. Car dater- This boy just wants to show his car around, the girl is incidental. This holds the other way around. The girl who choose he date according to the car he drives.One important thing to remember dating provides a socially appropriate outlet forHeterosexual interest during a period when adult status is not attainable. Look for a date that will help you grow as a person rather than just anyone who is ready, willing and available.Courtship - All forms of behavior by which one tries to win the consent of another for marriage - it is the period of exploration, of shopping around for an eventual mate.Purpose_ to allow one a final choice of a person as marriage partnerA stage preparatory to marriage- A stage where boys and girls assess each other- The time where young people try to break away close ties with their parents and shift their interest and affection to members of the opposite sex. Stages of Courtship A. Dating B. Going Steady C. Getting Stage Criteria in choosing a partner 1. Character 2. physical Appearance 3. Financial Capabilities4. Parental Approval5. Public Opinion6. Personal choice Guidelines to a healthier Boy-Girl Relationship a. Although you desire your partner, you can survive without him/her. b. Talk openly with your partner about matters of significance to the relationship. 3. Assume responsibility of your own level of happiness and refrain from blaming the other if he or she is unhappy. 4. keep the relationship alive. 5. Enjoy doing things together. 6. open up to new experience 7. Work to keep the romance alive 8. Actively demonstrate concern for the other 9. find meaning and sources of nourishment beyond your relationship 10. Avoid exploiting the other. 11. Move in a direction of advancement in life that definitely is meaningful. 12. Recognize the need for solitude and create time in which to be alone. 13. Avoid assuming an attitude of ownership towards the other. 14. Do not expect your partner to do for you what you are capable of doing for yourself.

15. Disclose yourself to your partner. 16. Allow your partner a sense of privacy. 17. nurture your interest in your partners welfare 18. encourage each other to become all taht you are capable of becoming 19. Be committed to the other.Guiding points on going steady 1. close age range2. same philosophy in life3. similar educational background4. same socio-economic status5. same race6. same religionBasic Guidelines in finding and Becoming the right person SPIRITUALITY- not enough to be religious. He must reflect in his character the divine likeness-godliness. A person who comes from god can lead you to God. MUTUAL LOVE- dangerous for a couple to marry because of infatuation especially if they have no love for each other. Love is summed up in 5 words: CaringRespectAcceptanceForgivenessTrustReligious Affiliation/Practices God disapproves marriage with unbelievers. She believes in God and manifests it in her behavior. More impatient, resentful and belligerent. What temperament does he/she manifest most of the time? Positive or negative? Both man and woman exercise self-control, patience, understanding and kindness.EDUCATIONAL DIFFERENCES - the more educated the person, the wider is his intellectual horizon. His way of perceiving things tend to be deeper and more abstract. His ideas More organized and logical, sensible and relevant. VALUES/PHILOSOPHY IN LIFE - Unless there is respect and tolerance of each others values, there will be more conflicts and misunderstandings. Similarities in values will easily understand each other. COMMON INTEREST A love relationship calls for companionship and partnership. This becomes a reality as one Shares his busy moments with the other. PRACTICAL KNOWLEDGE It should be a law that young people should not get married unless they know how to take care of their children and take care of the home the Lord has given them. PHYSICAL HEALTH It is necessary that a physical check up be done before entering into marriage. The marital relationship be done before entering into marriage. The marital relationship is a big responsibility; no sickly person must attempt to bear it. Also, take note of hereditary illnesses PAST LIFE Though past is past, the scar remains. A person may be truly converted by the power of God, but the tendencies of the former life are still there inside. PARENTS REACTION A person marries not only one person but a whole family. If your future in laws do not approve of you, try to win their confidence. In-laws are one of the sources of marital breakdown and separation. SIGNIFICANCE It is the time of choosing and discovering the most suitable partner. LENGTH OF TIME Between six months to one year.

REQUIREMENTS a. Prudence- 1. Good judgment 2. Good management b. Wisdom (wise conduct) 1. Knowledge and good judgement based on experience ENGAGEMENT A formal and mutual promise of marriage to take place in the near future

- begins when a person accepts a proposal of marriage.

- it provides time to test ones choice - it is a rite of passage, it marks entry into a new phase in life - a state where one announces to family, friends, and the local community taht a man and a woman will soon wed. - it is a promise to marry - it is only a promise to marry, not a legal bond in itself. - it means that one partner can quit on the other when decision to marry seems bad. - it is better to endure a temporary embarrassment of a broken engagement than an unhappy marriage. KINDS OF ENGAGEMENT a. Formal- just between the two and known to parents, relatives, and close friends b. Informal- an engagement contract is made and is usually performed with: 1. religious rites 2. social celebrationLENGTH OF TIME 3 months to one year according to the time devoted to courtship. Short courtship needs longer engagement to give time to the couple to know each bother better.The other one has his own beliefs and manifests in his attitude. There will be no harmony, fellowship and partnership between them. Just like righteousness/lawlessness, light and darkness, or Christ and Belzeebub.AGE DIFFERENCE- 2 factors to consider - a youth not out of his teens is a poor judge of somebody else character-Marital adjustment between the older spouse and the younger partner would be more difficult compared to a couple whose mental and chronological ages are not far apart. PERSONALITY DIFFERENCE- Each mans personality has 2 sides; negative/positive. Both are expressed in the form of temperament /behavior patterns. Hostility a negative temperament opposed equanimity. A hostile person tends to be more LENGTH OF TIME It should not lasts longer than a few months, from 3 months to one year depending on the time devoted to courtship. DISADVANTAGES OF LONG ENGAGEMENT 1. They are so engrossed with each other that they forget that there are other people around them. 2. The temptation to do undue pre-marital activities is increased. ENGAGEMENT CONTRACT The engagement maybe formally entered into by a contract in writing signed by both parties, with the parish priest or bishop or two other witnesses. The man often presents a diamond ring worn on the third finger of the left hand. This becomes a public evidence that he has asked the question and she has answered. DOS DURING THE ENGAGEMENT PERIOD 1. The couple should respect each others virtue and avoid undue familiarities. This is a pledge to a chaste and happy married life. 2. The couple should frequent the sacraments of penance and Holy Eucharist. 3. they should reveal to each other frankly everything pertaining to their financial status, social relations and / matters related to health. THE BROKEN ENGAGEMENT If either of the young couple feels that they are mismatched, the time to act is before the wedding. If so, the girl should not run down the man from whom she has received attentions. If this is true of a woman, it is doubly true of man. The man should not persist on talking about his former fiance. He should refrain from any comment. Both can quietly resume their former life. Informal engagement- a mutual verbal agreement is made to test their love for each other, to be acquainted and to test their compatibility. Formal engagement (betrothal)- usually executed in writing in the form of a quasi-contract, signed by both partners and the parish priest or two witnesses. Also witnessed by families of both parties involved. Purpose of engagement 1. It is a period of trial. 2. It is a preparation for marriage. Pre-Cana conference is attended by the couple given by the parish where they will married. Length of engagement may range from three months to a year.Preparation for marriage Church requirements 1. Catechesis 2. Reception of confirmation, penance and the Holy Eucharist 3. Investigation of freedom to marry Examinations of parties is allowed for the ff reasons: - determining that parties are free of impediments - Sufficient knowledge of Christian doctrine - Determining that their consent is free

Publication of marriage banns - to uncover impediments or other circumstances which would impede a valid and licit marriage. - announced 3 consecutive Sundays - announced in the parish where they are better known inquiry to be carried out before marriage Purpose of banns Reasons: to determine if the parties are free of impediments to ascertain if they have knowledge of Christian doctrine determine that their consent is free Purpose of banns To uncover impediments that would impede a valid marriage. May be in print or orally, to the faithful for 3 consecutive Sundays or days of obligation. Baptismal certificate Issued within six months of the wedding * Permission to marry in another parish Only the proper priest can give the permission STATE REQUIREMENTS ACC. TO THE NEW FAMILY CODE a. Essential requirements - Legal capacity- must be a male and a female at least 18 years of age (18-21 parental consent is required; 21-25 parental advice is required) failure to get advice the marriage license with hold for 3 months. - Consent freely given in the presence of the solemnizing officer not obtained through fraud/force intimidations or undue influence. b. Formal requirements 1. authority of solemnizing officer- among those authorized: incumbent members of judiciary any priest, rabbi, imam of any sect if abroad, Filipino citizens may be married by the Consul or vice consul of the Philippines captain of a ship at sea/ pilot in a plane military commander of a unit within his area of his operation. * Marriages between Filipinos abroad may be solemnized by a consul-general, consul, vice-consul of the Rep. of the Phils. *In case the solemnizing officer is not legally authorized, marriage still valid provided the couple believed in good faith that said officer had legal authority. 2. A valid marriage license marriage may be solemnized even without valid marriage license under ff circumstances: - either or both are at the point of death - if the residence of either party is so located that there no means of transportation such party to appear to appear before the legal registrar before the local civil registrar. Under 50 - marriage among Muslims -marriage of a man and woman who have lived together as husband and wife for at least 5 years without any legal impediment 3. a marriage ceremony where the contracting parties personally declare before a solemnizing officer in the presence of at least 2 witnesses of legal age that they take each other as husband and wife. PREPARATION FOR MARRIAGE 1. Spiritual To be truly open to Christ the couple must receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation before the marriage. It is highly recommended to receive also the Sacrament of Holy Eucharist during nuptial mass. having Christ is having everything they would need. The need to engage in the ff: activities like getting into the habit of participating at Holy Mass together esp. On Sundays and holydays; when feasible, attending a holy retreat, pre-Cana conference or pre-nuptial seminars for couples preparing for marriage. 2. Psychological- Couple who are looking forward to live together forever must mean to prepare themselves mentally, emotionally and spiritually for the everydayness of marriage for the difficulties that are part and parcel of marriage, and unexpected occurrences that may create anger, resentment, tension and distress. This requires knowing each other well and good observation of each other in different situations, esp. When confronted with difficulties/trials. The need to be honest to be honest and open with each other. True love makes one embraces the good and not so happy situations in marriage. 3. Economic The need to discuss the financial aspects of marriage. It is advisable that from the start couple should begin their married life living on their own. 4. Physical A medical check-up is recommended for a couple who intends to settle down because of the demands married life entails.