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How to
CLEAN
THE SHXTOUT OF
YOUR LIFE
THE FRANK, NO BULL GUIDE ON HOW
TO DESTROY THE NEGATIVITY IN YOUR
LIFE AND HOW TO ACHIEVE MORE
SUCCESS
Justi Lu!
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Copyright How to clean the shxt out of
your life 2013. All Rights Reserved. o part of
this course !ay "e reproduced# stored in a
retrieval syste!# or trans!itted in any for! or
"y any !eans# electronic# !echanical#
photocopying# recording or otherwise without
the prior per!ission of the copyright owner
and pu"lisher. $he course !ay not "e lent#
resold# hired out or otherwise disposed of "y
way of trade in any for! or "inding or cover
other than that in which it is pu"lished withthe prior consent of the copyright owner and
pu"lisher.
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%isclai!er& 'ndividuals on the cover of this
"oo( are !odels and are used for illustrative
purposes only.
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%)%'CA$'*
$o all those people who were told that theyshould not drea! "ig# should not want !ore#should thin( s!all and listen to the crowd#
rise a"ove the "ull shxt and "e "igger# "etter#stronger and happier. +how fear and dou"tthe golden ,nger and craft the life you have
always drea!ed of. $o all those who have
"een told that you are not good enough# notworthy enough# shouldn-t !a(e an eort#can-t do it# prove the ignorant wrong and
show the world how great you can really "e.Are ready for !ore success/ ou deserve it
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CONTENTS
B!!"ts o# t$is %ou&s!
It&o'u%tio
HOW TO GET U( ) START WINNING
HOW TO FACE FEAR ) OVERCOME IT
HOW TO STO( MAKING EXCUSES ANDIM(ROVE YOUR LIFE
HOW TO USE LANGUAGE TO IM(ROVE
YOUR LIFE
HOW TO FIND YOUR DREAM CAREERAND DO THE THING YOU LOVE
W$* '!+*i- *ou& '!si&! #o& Istt-&ti"%tio % $!+. *ou to su%%!!'
HOW TO SET GOALS THAT WILL HEL(YOU TO SUCCEED
W$* t$os! wit$ +!ss t+!t t!' to /!0o&! su%%!ss#u+
HOW TO OVERCOME NEGATIVE BELIEFS
How s!+# +o1! % $!+. *ou to /! 0o&!su%%!ss#u+
WHY (ERSISTENCE IS THE KEY TOYOUR SUCCESS
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WHY ACCE(TING MEDIOCRITY KEE(SYOU FEELING UNHA((Y AND
UNFULFILLED
HOW LEARNING TO (RIORITISEEFFECTIVELY CAN TRANSFORM YOURLIFE
W$* #o%usi- o !-ti1it* $i'!&ssu%%!ss ow ' i t$! #utu&!
How to us! *ou& $u-!& ' '&i1! to/!%o0! 0o&! su%%!ss#u+
W$* %ti- .&o'u%ti1!+* is /!tt!& t$.&o1i- *ou &! &i-$t
W$* %otiuous i0.&o1!0!t is t$! w*to su%%!ss
How to +i1! +i#! o# !2%!++!%! ' /! wi!&
How *ou& %o0.* % sto. *ou #&o0%$i!1i- su%%!ss
How o3!&i- 0o&! 1+u! to ot$!&s %-&t *ou $u-! &!w&'s
W$* it is so 0u%$ /!tt!& to +!' t$#o++ow
How to us! t$! o..o&tuiti!s &ou' *ou
to 04! *ou "%i++* su%%!ss#u+
HOW LAUGHTER CAN TRANSFORMYOUR LIFE
W$t wi++ /! *ou& L!-%*5
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W$* Stu'* T$is Cou&s!5 B!!"ts
ou can receive the following "ene,ts "y
applying so!e of the !ethods in this course&
Achieve !ore success
'ncrease productivity
'ncrease con,dence
%evelop a !ore positive and successful
attitude
%evelop greater discipline
earn to overco!e fears
nderstand !ore a"out yourself
4eco!e !ore focused# set clear goals
4eco!e a "etter co!!unicator
'ncrease your value
%evelop entrepreneurship
earn how to utilise your talents
5ollow your drea!s
'!prove relationships with others
%evelop ,nancial intelligence
4eco!e a leader
*verco!e failure
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INTRODUCTION
Life is short so seize every opportunity
possible M Cardoza
6elco!e to how to clean the shxt out of your
life# the ur"an !otivational guide that will
(ic( you up the "ac(side and help you to
achieve !ore success. $his course is designed
to give you the necessary infor!ation and
techni7ues to allow you to i!prove any area
of your life. ' have !ade !uch eort to
present it in a 7uic( and easy# study for!at.
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$his guide oers si!ple !ethods to help you
create profound and long lasting success at
dierent stages in your life whether you are
successful now or not. $his guide is uni7ue in
that it is written in a down to earth#
conversational style# which is highly thought
provo(ing# and constantly pro!pting you topositive and productive action. $his course is
useful "oth for adults and teenagers# trainers
and students and individuals and groups. o
!atter who you are# where you are fro!#
what you do or don-t do# you can "ene,t fro!
this guide. $his guide is a full course which
shows you "ased on the si!ple for!ulas of
success# how you can i!prove the 7uality of
your life ,nancially# spiritually# socially and
intellectually.
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*ver the last twelve years# ' have "een
fascinated with the science of success. ' have
searched for the ingredients and !odels of
success fro! various people. 't a!a8es !e#
how so!e people despite the trau!a and
a"use they !ay have suered early in their
lives# can overco!e it and "eco!e suchpositive and inspiring individuals. ' love to
hear stories a"out people who despite the
insur!ounta"le odds against the! and
nu!erous failures ,nd huge success. ' love to
read a"out fa!ous "usiness people who were
"an(rupt and "ro(e and yet were a"le to "uild
"usiness e!pires. ' have studied the
"ehaviours# "eliefs and ha"its of successful
people. ' have studied people fro! dierent
parts of the world# fro! dierent cultures and
faiths and found si!ilar traits. ' have found
that successful fa!ilies share !uch in
co!!on with successful "usiness people. '
have found that *prah 6infrey# 90 Cent and%avid 4ec(ha! possess si!ilar traits that
have helped the! to ,nd huge success. $heir
success is not luc( as so!e would li(e you to
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"elieve. $heir success is "ased on si!ple
principles which if applied can "ring you huge
success also. +uccess is availa"le to anyone
who is willing to follow its rules and devote
the ti!e and energy to achieve it. 6hether
you are struggling as a parent or student# a
frustrated e!ployee# an angry partner or acreative "usiness person# this course will help
you to achieve !ore success. 6hat ' as( fro!
you is to devote the ti!e and energy now and
success will "e yours. Co!!it yourself today
and let us "egin your :ourney. ' a! truly
honoured to share !y (nowledge and
experience with you in this course. et us
!a(e the next !onth and next year your "est
year yet. Are you ready to "egin/
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HOW TO GET U( ) START
WINNING;The rich business man asks the high school
dropout, when will you start to live the life of
your dreams The high school dropout replies
when the time is perfect! The business man
responds" time is not the creator of perfect
moments# perfect moments are that which we
create and continue to create throughout our
lifetime! $lla Laurent
6hat are you waiting for/ Are you waiting forthe right ti!e to start/ Are you waiting for the
right people to ,nd you/ Are you waiting to
have enough !oney/ Are you waiting until
you feel in the right state of !ind/ Are you
waiting until you feel !ore con,dent and
overco!e your petty fears of failure/ 6hat
ever you are waiting for and what ever
excuses you are !a(ing# nothing will change
the fact that until you get up and "eco!e a
doer in life# you will "e waiting forever for
that perfect !o!ent. 6hy/ As we create
perfect !o!ents in our lives "y doing those
things that need to "e done.
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' wrote this course "ecause ' got up and did
it ou are studying this course "ecause you
got up and started it. +i!ple isn-t it/ et so
!any people in spite of their education and
(nowledge are "ro(e# unhappy or in
unproductive relationships "ecause they have
not got up 'f you are not happy with your lifethen the ,rst thing you have to do is get up
and do so!ething a"out it. 6hen/ Right now
How/ 't-s si!ple# !a(e the decision to do that
on which you have "een deli"erating for days#
wee(s or even years# and ta(e the ,rst step
forward towards its co!pletion. Re!e!"er
this ;All great :ourneys start with a step and
end with one- +o do yourself a favour and get
up right now and ta(e that ,rst step towards
your success.
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The great thing about starting now is that you
break the habit of procrastination and you
open the once tightly, shut doors of
opportunity and e%perience! &pportunity and
e%perience means moving closer towards
your success! 'f you need to clean the garden
get out there and do it right now! 'f you needto apologise to your friend or partner, buy him
or her something nice, say sorry and make
amends right now! The longer you wait the
more di(icult you perceive the task to be
accomplished and the less likely you are to
accomplish it! )ow if the task is one that can
improve the *uality of your life, then your
deliberation and procrastination will no doubt
be the birth of future sadness and
disappointment! +ould you rather live a life of
regret and frustration because you couldnt
be bothered to get up and commit a part of
yourself and your time towards achieving
your dreams 'magine in the future that youhave to live a life of poverty, stress and
di(iculty because you didnt get up and do
something positive and productive to make
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your life better! 'magine that you have to do a
ob that you hate because you didnt get o(
your behind and learn the necessary skills to
be successful! +hats the solution -et up
and take that .rst step/
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0ecome a creator of perfect moments! 1ow
-o for it/ -o forward with a strong sense of
boldness and create those perfect moments in
your life! )ow you may say well you dont
understand it is easy for you to say, youre
.ne! 2oure damn right it is easy for me to say
because ' made a decision to get up andcontinued to stay up until ' achieved my goals
in spite of the obstacles and challenges that '
faced! ' wanted to do better so ' got up and
did better! +as it easy )o, but then ' was not
going to stop until ' achieved my goal, not
forgetting that ' wanted to kick Challenge and
&bstacles arse/ )ow that ' have improved my
life do ' stop )o/ +hy Challenges are part
of progress! &ne should not shy away from
challenge! &ne should kick it so bad until
challenge begs you for salvation! 3emember
man grows in adversity +hy 1e has to
overcome challenges and obstacles and in
overcoming them he grows in e%perience,knowledge and success!
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Learn to see challenges and obstacles
through the eyes of con.dence! 2ou will
always be successful if you start, then work at
it and then improve on whatever you are
working! )ow, have you made your decision
to start doing those things that you have
delayed 'f you are still deliberating thenallow me to continue"
;'t is not a"out getting it right the ,rst ti!e#
you :ust have to get started and you cani!prove as you progress- C Ca!"ridge
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Are you a "ig tal(er a"out irrelevant things/ 'f
you are then here-s a word of advice&
4tart doing something productive now
$he world loves# cele"rates and re!e!"ersdoers. 't seldo! re!e!"ers people who
ponder and procrastinate. 'n the ga!e of life
it-s the "ig !overs# the action people who
receive the awards not the intellectual
conversationalists.
;'t-s not the !ost intelligent or acade!ic
people who are the !ost successful it is those
who get going and (eep going until they
cannot go any further- + Harris
+uccess lies in the a"ility to get up and go and
continue going until the desired destination is
reached.
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$hose who are successful in life get !oving#
they choose to "e creators of perfect
!o!ents# and they get up and stay up 'f you
want to "e successful in any area of your life
where you !ay have previously failed# don-t
read further until you decide to get up now. 'f
you continue to procrastinate and deli"erateyou-ll procrastinate and deli"erate forever.
Re!e!"er perfect !o!ents are what you
create now.
;-od helps those who help themselves and the
devil helps those who sit on their behind! M
Manners
6ho is helping you right now/
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Anyone can waste ti!e# s7uander !oney# act
rec(lessly# wander through life ai!lessly# lac(
direction# "e unhealthy# associate with
negative people# and !oan# that is easy.
$a(ing charge of your life and i!proving your
current condition ta(es action and courage.
5or those of you who do less# experience lessand want !ore it-s ti!e for so!e action.
Re!e!"er your proactive ha"its today de,ne
your success to!orrow.
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HOW TO GET U( ) START WINNING
E2!&%is! 6 7 How to /&!4 +8* $/its
5ind a pen and list the things that you avoid
doing that would i!prove an area of your life
if you did the!/ ist an advantage or as !any
advantages as possi"le for doing those thingsthat you have avoided doing until now.
)xa!ple
%evote !ore ti!e to educate !yself
earn new s(ills
%evelop a "usiness "ased on !y interests
%evelop !y social s(ills so ' can "eco!e a
!ore eective co!!unicator
Associate with !ore positive people
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???????????????????????????????????????????????
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??
E2!&%is! 9 : G!t u. ' -!t o wit$ it
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+tart doing so!ething now and continue to do
so!ething on a daily "asis in order that you
achieve whatever you have written down.
Avoid the perfection syndro!e and :ust start
now. $he issue here is not a"out doing things
right it is a"out starting to do those i!portant
things in your life which you have neglected.5ind so!eone who will !a(e sure that you
start doing what you have decided to do.
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???????????????????????????????????????????????
???????????????????????????????????????????????
???????????????????????????????????????????????
???????????????????????????????????????????????
???????????????????????????????????????????????
???????????????????????????????????????????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
???????????????????????????????????????????????
???????????????????????????????????????????????
???????????????????????????????????????????????
???????????????????????????????????????????????
???????????????????????????????????????????????
???????????????????????????????????????????????
????????????????????????
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THE CYCLE OF (ROCRASTINATION
BREAKING THE CYCLE OF(ROCRASTINATION
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HOW TO HARNESS (OWERFULINTERNAL STATES
TO IM(ROVE YOUR LIFE
+hat we focus on internally creates what we
e%perience e%ternally 8 Carmichael
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'nternal states shape our lives fro! the ti!e
we wa(e up until the ti!e we go to sleep. $he
internal states we choose# usually
unconsciously# are the ,lters through which
we see# feel and experience the world.$hese
,lters cause us to pro:ect ourselves positively
or negatively in our environ!ents. *urnegative or positive pro:ections then aect
how and what we experience in our lives. 'f
we focus on negative internal states then we
pro:ect our inner negativity into the world and
thus experience negative incidences and tend
to receive negative responses fro! others. 'f
we focus on positive internal states then we
pro:ect our inner positivity into the world and
tend to receive positive responses fro! others
and create positive occurrences. $hin( a"out
it# if you o"serve happy# non :udge!ental# out>
going individuals they pro:ect happiness and
fun which can aect others positively. Happy#
outgoing individuals are a :oy to "e around asthey pro:ect a strong# war! and positive state
that can !a(e others feel happy and positive.
@eople who choose to feel co!forta"le and
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con,dent can leave a powerful i!pression on
those with who! they interact. @eople ad!ire
their con,dence and self co!fort and are
drawn to the!. +ad# angry people pro:ect
sadness and anger into the world which can
create sadness and anger in those with who!
they interact. @eople who choose to "e in astate of shyness and disco!fort can !a(e
others feel unco!forta"le and dou"tful
around the!.
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$he feelingsstates you focus on !anifest
externally and aect the world around you.
$hey aect everything fro! friendships to
wealth generation.
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world and pro:ect states which are fearful#
untrusting# cynical and pessi!istic. $his
"reeds !ore negativity which others sense
and respond negatively. $his "reeds a cycle of
negativity in which fear "egets fear. Hence#
"ig cities such as ondon are full of people
who are fearful# nervous and cynical of others.$he !ore we distrust and fear each other the
!ore pro"le!s and fear we create in society.
Re!e!"er# we create the states which we live
"y and they in turn create the environ!ents
in which we live.
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' re!e!"er a young !an who s!o(ed
!ari:uana and dran( a lot of alcohol. He
"elieved that he needed to s!o(e and drin( in
order to attain a state of relaxation where he
felt free fro! the stresses of life and the
constant !ental chatter in his !ind. 6hat he
didn-t (now is that the state of relaxation hesought could "e achieved without external
sti!uli. He could access the state of
relaxation at will once he understood that he
is the source of the states he ,nds hi!self in
and out of daily. 'n the sa!e way as he used
alcohol and !ari:uana to induce his state he
could use his !e!ory to induce the sa!e
state. $hin( a"out it# intoxicants only
sti!ulate what is already within us. Alcohol
and drugs induce relaxation or happiness
"ecause it exists within. 'f the states we see(
through intoxicants are already within us then
do we need intoxicants to access the!/ o.
6e can recall states of happiness# :oy# love#con,dence and peace at will. 6e can si!ply
re!e!"er our !o!ents of happiness# :oy#
peace# con,dence or co!fort and experience
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the sa!e states as we did when we
experienced the! previously. Returning to the
young !an# ' told hi! to close his eyes and
relax his !uscles and re!e!"er a ti!e when
he felt relaxed and cal!. He entered into a
cal! relaxed state 7uic(ly. $hen# ' told hi!
while in his relaxed state to i!agineexpanding that feeling out of his "ody. ' then
told hi! to intensify the state "y i!agining
feeling !ore relaxed and cal!. ' as(ed hi!
how it felt and he responded very nice. '
continued to (eep hi! focused on the state "y
as(ing hi! to play with the state# intensify
and expand it and notice how it !ade hi!
feel. After ten !inutes we "ro(e the state and
he realised to his surprise how easy it was to
enter in and out of states without the need for
intoxicants. He realised then that "y
extending the duration of ti!e spent in a state
of peace and relaxation he could reduce the
need for alcohol and !ari:uana. %id he reducehis need for alcohol and !ari:uana/ He did
indeed. He not only reduced his inta(e of
intoxicants "ut "eca!e !ore con,dent in his
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inner a"ilities and personal power. $his has
had a positive eect in other areas of his life
fro! his social relations with others to raising
his aspirations. $hin( a"out it# what could you
do if you (new how to !ove in and out of
positive states at will/ How !uch !ore
powerful would you feel/ 6hat would you "ea"le to do that you !ay have feared in the
past/ '!agine "eing a"le to hold a relaxed
and peaceful state in the !ost pressing of
situations/ $his would "e a powerful s(ill for
people interested in pu"lic spea(ing#
perfor!ing in front of people# resolving
conBict# attending interviews# doing exa!s or
any other situation that one !ay dee!
stressful nor!ally. 6ould it not "e worth
spending so!e ti!e to develop such a si!ple
s(ill now/
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6e have not taught our children how to
harness the power of state which !ay explain
why so !any see( to ,nd unproductive and
negative ways to induce positive states.
$eenagers attac(ing innocent victi!s in the
na!e of excite!ent and thrill are using a
cruel and "ar"aric !ethod of achieving suchstates which could "e achieved through far
!ore constructive and e!powering !eans if
shown. $he teenage alcohol and drugs culture
could "e challenged if society# parents#
schools# and govern!ent could show young
people !ore positive and e!powering ways to
attain the states that they experience through
drugs and alcohol. 6e have not taught shy
!en and wo!en longing for love in their life
how to access and re(indle their inner states
of love and con,dence so that they !ay create
!ore love and con,dence in their lives and
attract loving and con,dent people towards
the!. 6e have not taught depressedindividuals how to swi! in their inner rivers
of happiness and :oy so that they can release
the!selves fro! the negative and destructive
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grip of the state of depression. 6e oer the!
drugs with har!ful side aects which !erely
sedate the! and !a(e the! dependent on
external sti!uli.
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$he secret to success in life is your a"ility to
recall and hold your inner positive states. $he
!ore you hold such positive states the !ore
people around you tend to respond positively.
$hus# the !ore positive things "egin to occur
and happen around you. Holding states allows
you to "e !ore Bexi"le in a variety ofsituations and !ore in control. +uch Bexi"ility
will i!prove areas of your life as you will "e
a"le to !ove in and out of dierent
environ!ents and situations co!forta"ly.
+o!e people have a !isconception that those
around the! should "e positive in order for
the! to act positively. $his !ay "e applica"le
to children who respond to our e!otions "ut
not to adults who have the power to change
their e!otional states at will. $hose people
who "elieve that others !ust exhi"it positive
states "efore they can "e happy# creative or
con,dent# !ust exhi"it positive states
the!selves. 'f you want to experiencehappiness then recall and create your own
inner happiness and you will inBuence others.
ou !ust share your positive states with
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others if you want to experience theirs. $hin(
a"out it# when you are positive doesn-t
everything around you see! so !uch !ore
positive/ %o not people respond to you !ore
positively/ 6hen you focus and go into the
world sharing a state of positivity others feel
it and thus you attract !ore positivity. $hin(a"out it# when you are in a negative state
doesn-t everything appear so negative/ 6hen
you go into the world in a negative state you
attract negativity.
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et-s ta(e two people# one nervous the other
con,dent. ervousness is a negative state in
which fear do!inates. $he !ore we hold onto
it and pro:ect it into the world the !ore it
causes us to dou"t our a"ilities and thin( the
worst. *ur "ody language and "ehaviours
respond to our state of nervousness. @eoplethen o"serve our "ody language and
"ehaviour and sense our self dou"t and fear
and respond accordingly. $hey read our
"ehaviour and "ody language as shyness#
wea(ness# strange or weird. A nervous person
is not eective as his or her negative state
wea(ens and destroys his or her charis!a#
char! and power to connect with others.
@eople sense and see this and don-t feel
connected or co!forta"le around a nervous
person so they !ove away. Con,dence is a
state in which self "elief do!inates. 't causes
us to "elieve in our a"ilities and to connect
with others around us. *ur "ody languageand "ehaviours respond to our state of
con,dence. *thers sense our con,dence and
are drawn towards us. $hey read our positive
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state as strength# war!th and co!forta"le. A
con,dent person as his or her positive state
strengthens and enhances his or her char!#
charis!a and connection with others. A
con,dent person-s "ody and speech oo8es
con,dence and power. @eople connect with
their passion# openness and strength and feelinvigorated and relaxed in their presence.
Con,dent people are the leaders of society#
the charis!atic and co!pelling leaders of
religions# cults# gangs and groups. $hey are
the alpha !ales and fe!ales in social circles
and the trend setters in the world of popular
culture.
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$here is a wealth of scienti,c data and
evidence which shows how our e!otional and
psychological states aect our health and
"ody. egative e!otions such as anger#
pessi!is!# worry and frustration wea(en our
health and slow down our a"ility to recover.
@eople who have suered a trau!a orsuered the loss of love one can age in a very
short period of ti!e# or even develop ail!ents
due to the negative states which they
e!"race. @ositive e!otions such as
happiness# love# opti!is!# peace and
forgiveness strengthen our health and well
"eing. @ositive e!otions have "een found
useful in treating serious diseases such as
cancer# dia"etes and Aids. $hey can help to
alleviate pain and slow down the da!age to
the "ody caused "y such diseases.
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$he 'nstitute of Heart
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6ould you want to create negative# inactive
%A which !ay not only have a detri!ental
eect on your life "ut perhaps even on your
children and grand children/ $he eect and
inBuence of e!otions can transfor! your life
for the "etter or the worst. 6hat will you
choose/
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HOW TO HARNESS (OWERFUL
INTERNAL STATES
TO IM(ROVE YOUR LIFE
E2!&%is! 6 7 How to &!%++ ' $o+'
.ositi1! stt!s
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ove
Happiness
5un
Con,dence
5orgivenessReleasing
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'f you can practice recalling and holding
states such as co!fort and love you will often
,nd it very easy to connect and develop
rapport with anyone even strangers. @eople
will feel co!forta"le and relaxed around you.
'f you have told yourself ;' a! shy- for years
then focusing on the states of love andco!fort will help you to reduce the level of
shyness that you feel. Reducing your level of
shyness will help you to "eco!e !ore
con,dent around others and i!prove your
social s(ills. 'f you tell yourself ;' a! sad#
angry and depressed-# practice focusing and
en:oying "eing in a powerful state of
happiness. $he !ore you !aintain the state
the stronger the eect and inBuence. 'f you
spend a lot of ti!e focusing on a positive state
such as happiness# it will wea(en your desire
to hold negative states.
otice the powerful eect positive states haveon others when you recall the! and hold the!
around others.
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HOW TO HARNESS (OWERFUL
INTERNAL STATES
TO IM(ROVE YOUR LIFE
)nter into a speci,c positive state positiveresponse D i!proved health
)nter into a speci,c negative state negativeresponse D reduced health
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HOW TO FACE FEAR ) OVERCOME IT
9ear is the fake vampire that is a
dead :y in reality M 0arrett
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)!"racing our fears stops us fro! getting up#
staying up and excelling in our lives. 4y
atte!pting to avoid the short>ter! pain
caused "y our unrealistic fears# we end up
acting in ways that create pain in the long
ter!# which increases our initial fears.
*verco!ing fear is less frightening than livingwith the underlying fear that co!es fro! the
feeling of "eing the victi!. ou can laugh at
fear and overco!e it with action. Consistent
action coupled with deter!ination and the
will to grow will help you to overco!e fear.
@eople who choose to act shy and then decide
to overco!e their fear of people with
deter!ination and opti!is! achieve their
goals. @eople who choose to "e failures and
then decide to "eco!e successful overco!e
their fear of failure and re:ection with action
and deter!ination. $hey stop focusing on the
negatives and focus on the positive
possi"ilities. $he solution to "anishing ourfears is that we should treat the! as a
valua"le part of our personal growth and as
opportunities for growth and success.
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+o what is fear/ 6hat is this e!otional state
that has controlled the lives of hu!ans for
thousands of years/ 5ear is a nu!"er of
things. 't is our negative "eliefs that tell us
that we will experience negative
conse7uences. 't is the result of relin7uishing
your inner strength and con,dence toirrational negative thoughts and negative
inner voices. $he conse7uence is that you
"eco!e a slave to your negative thoughts. ou
"eco!e the ruled rather than the ruler. $his
in turn creates negative patterns# which you
pro:ect into the world. 't is the inhi"itor of
!any of your positive "ehaviours and the
source of your procrastination# self>dou"t#
lac( of con,dence and !ost of your negative
patterns. 't is the necessary catalyst in the
creation of negative "eliefs and poor self>
i!age and self>concept. 5ear stops you fro!
asserting yourself# and that hinders you fro!
growing and increasing your sense of selfworth. 't is the source of inBexi"ility#
pre:udice# racis!# and a rigid attitude towards
life# people and the un(nown. 't is the excuse
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"ehind which we hide in order to avoid
positive change and i!prove!ent.
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6hen you live under the shadow of fear you
"loc( out rays of opportunity# insight#
experience# success and a"undance. 5ear
only stic(s around if you allow it. 't is li(e a
va!pire that suc(s your "lood and grows
each day you allow it to re!ain on your "ody.
$he thought of a va!pire suc(ing !e dry# no!atter how "eautiful she !ay "e# isn-t !y
idea of life. +o if you have a va!pire li(e
relationship with fear# now is the ti!e to
"rea( it o. 4elieve !e# once you free yourself
fro! fear you will "e a!a8ed how 7uic(ly you
can i!prove your 7uality of life. 'f you don-t
challenge your fears then you will re!ain in
the a"yss of li!itation# !ediocrity# ignorance#
restrictions# wantonness and poverty.
+o!ething even worse !ay occur if you don-t
challenge your fears now. $hey !ay develop
into pho"ias. All pho"ias "egin as a fear of
so!ething !inor and develop in to !a:or
fears# which can destroy your life. $here arethousands of pho"ias fro! fear of dirt to fear
of going outside. @ho"ias such as these
destroy the 7uality of !any people-s lives.
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How can we e!"race so!ething such as fear
and allow it to do so !uch da!age to our
progress and# invaria"ly# life/
't is terri"le that we allow the 7uality of our
lives to "e controlled "y a thought process
which expects the worst and constantly forcesus to as( what ifEsuch and such goes wrong/
$he next ti!e you hear yourself saying what
ifEF negative future action +hat if ' fail,
+hat if they dont like me,+hat if ' cant do
it tell yourself what if EF positive future
action +hat if ' do really well, +hat if they
really like me, or even develop a resilient
attitude#for e%ample so what if there isnt a
positive occurrence! 'ts all e%perience and '
wont stop until ' receive a positive result.
ou could also thin( of a ti!e when you have
felt con,dent and successful and tell yourself
in a con,dent and co!pelling tone of voice
with a con,dent s!ile ' can do this, ' willwin, ' will do well in that interview, ' will get
that ob!
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Here is so!e food for thought# when a child
learns how to spea( does heshe tell
hi!herself what if ' dont conugate my
tenses correctly or what if mummy looks at
me as if ' am stupido# the child will get his
or her point across even if heshe has to throw
a tantru! and strangle hisher "ig "rother inthe process. 's that not food for thought/ +top
telling yourself negative stories. 5ears are
!ice that you allow to appear as God8illa>si8e
!onsters. $hey are a distorted sense of
reality. 'f you are scared of so!ething it is
"ecause you lac( the con,dence and inner
"elief to see whatever you fear in its true
light.
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'f you are scared to tal( to so!eone who you
do not (now for fear of re:ection then you are
creating a !onster in your !ind. 6hat if that
person is hoping that you will tal( to hi! or
her/ 6hat if that person doesn-t spea( to you/
%oes that !ean that you should not approach
so!eone who! you don-t (now and atte!ptto !a(e conversation/ %oes that !ean that
you are du!" and foolish for !a(ing the
atte!pt/ %oes it !ean that you are weird/ 't
only !eans what actually happened. $hey
didn-t tal( to you. @erhaps they were having a
"ad day. @erhaps they have e!"raced their
own fears. @erhaps you didn-t co!!unicate
eectively. 6hatever the reason# there is
so!ething to learn. 4eco!e a "etter
co!!unicator. Change your approach. @ay
!ore attention to "ody language and detail.
Co!prehend. oo( on the "right side and
consider what is good a"out your experience.
'f you focus on the "ad you will surely receiveit.
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+hatever our minds focus upon comes into
being M Moore
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6hat if ' had the idea to write such a course
you are studying and e!"raced !y fears/
6ould you "e studying it now/ o. ' could
have said ;what if people don-t li(e it/ 6hat if
people thin( ' a! an idiot/ 6hat if ' don-t
!a(e any !oney fro! it# after the ti!e ' have
invested in it/ 6hat if so!eone or so!eorganisation rips !e o/- However# ' didn-t#
why/ ' was not going to allow fear to suc(
such a great opportunity to share with you !y
(nowledge# experience and s(ill. ' decided
that any for! of fear that !ay appear in !y
7uest to !a(e this course a success ' would
co!"at and overco!e with deter!ination and
inner con,dence. Re!e!"er# action coupled
with a strong desire to succeed will con7uer
our worst fears. 'f %avid could (ill the !ighty
Goliath with a slingshot then you can achieve
anything. 4e "old# "e deter!ined and (ill and
trod on that va!pire called fear for you are
the (ings and 7ueens of your e!otions andthoughts# rise and let fear (now that you are
the ruler of your !ental do!ain.
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5ear is a loyal negative friend# who will
always stic( "y you as long as you accept its
advice and tor!ents. 't will tell you not to
ta(e ris(s as ta(ing ris(s could potentially
severe your relationship with it. 't will tell you
not to "e a!"itious as a!"ition will propel
you where fear cannot go. 't will tell you notto "e con,dent as con,dence destroys fear-s
grip on you. 't will tell you to "e irresponsi"le
as fear is wayward and hates discipline and
focus on anything other than itself. 't will tell
you to !a(e excuses to :ustify its negative
inBuence and advice. 't will tell you to
procrastinate as procrastination uses excuses
to :ustify underlying fears. 't will tell you to
act desperately as ti!e is running out. 't will
tell you to fear death rather than en:oy life. 't
will tell you not to fall in love as love is
vulnera"le and open while fear is rigid# ,xed
and restrictive. 't tells you not to share# as
greed is one of its disguises. 's that the (indof ideal friend that you want/ 's that the (ind
of friend with who! you want to associate/
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$he a"ode of fear is one-s co!fort 8ones. 'ts
"oundaries are guarded "y fear itself. 5ear
tells us that it is not safe to go "eyond the
fa!iliar surroundings of our co!fort 8ones. 't
tells us that we will suer extre!e pain#
disappoint!ent and failure if we dare to ta(e
the ris( and "e "old enough to expand "eyondour self i!posed li!itations.
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unpredicta"le# the land where opportunities
are a"undant and the greatest rewards are
found. $hose of you# who ta(e ris(s and step
forward# ta(ing charge of your lives and
success# will always "e the winners. +tart
now# and relegate fear to its true position# and
!ove "eyond the !ythological "orders of yourco!fort 8ones. ou created the! and you can
destroy the!. Re!e!"er s!all consistent
steps coupled with deter!ination and the
desire to "e greater than you are will propel
you "eyond your co!fort 8ones. o !atter
what perceived pain or disappoint!ents you
experience you will push "eyond your co!fort
8ones and continue too with deter!ination
and action. 4eco!e greater than you are#
"eco!e an action person and push it real
good
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Comfort zones have created much
greater discomfort in mans life
than the discomfort he e%periences
overcoming the greatest of
obstacles Cognito 4agacia
'f you do choose to re!ain in your co!fort
8ones then here is so!ething to ponder over.
'f you do not !ove "eyond your co!fort 8one
do not co!plain a"out the 7uality of your life.
%o not co!plain a"out the lac( of
opportunities# the lac( of !oney# the lac( of
happiness# the lac( of choice# the lac( of
satisfaction# the lac( of love# the lac( of
respect# and the lac( of free ti!e. %on-t
co!plain a"out where you live# the negativepeople around you# your !ediocre :o"# and
other negative things in your life. $his is what
happens when you choose to re!ain in your
co!fort 8one. 't is not an exciting thought is
it/ %o you ever wonder why your life is not as
exciting as it could "e/ 6ell get up right now
and start pushing "eyond your co!fort 8ones.
@ush it real good
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'f you are serious a"out i!proving the 7uality
of your life# slap fear "ac( to its hole and
reclai! your position as the !aster of
your !ind# "ody# soul and life. 4roaden
your hori8ons. )xperience so !uch of the
opportunities and great experiences thatlife has to oer.
;God gave !an the world to live in not an
alley# if you thin( an alley is the world then
you-re !issing God-s grace- awa *sani
F!& o# Fi+u&!
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6hat use would it "e to win if so!e of us
didn-t loose/ 6hat use would success "e if we
didn-t fail/ 'f you don-t !a(e a nice cup of tea
one !orning does that !ean that you are a
failure in life or did you si!ply fail to !a(e a
good cup of tea that !orning/
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6e !ay fail once perhaps twice or even three
ti!es then we decide we no longer want to
experience the pain of frustration or failure so
we tell ourselves that we cannot do it# it is too
diicult# ' don-t li(eE
!e- syndro!e "egins and for !any continuesthroughout their life. es# ' said ;fear>"ully>
!e- syndro!e= this is the fear of failure
attitude that !ost people on the planet follow
!ore devoutly than religion.
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How !any of you have hindered your
progress# destroyed your chances of a "etter
7uality of life# wrec(ed "eautiful
relationships# !issed opportunities to create
wealth in the na!e of fear of failure/ $he
worst thing is you have the audacity to
co!plain when your life is not going the wayyou would li(e it to. 6ell# if you had overco!e
your fear of failure and stopped acting li(e
fearful individuals you could have Bown
"eyond the chic(en coup of fear and realised
your wishes. $he funny thing is# when we give
up and relin7uish all eorts to achieve our
drea!s "efore we have achieved the! at that
point we are extre!ely near to achieving
the!. 6hat !ost people don-t realise is that
failure is not a "ad thing# it is 7uite the
opposite. 5ailure is the honest teacher that is
telling you that you need to analyse what# why
and where you are doing so!ething
incorrectly. *nce you have recti,ed thoseissues you will "e successful.
F!& o# R!;!%tio
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$here are so !any people who have sacri,ced
living a "etter 7uality of life than they are
living now due to their fear of re:ection. '
have seen friends and ac7uaintances# heard
stories a"out people who have chosen second
"est whether it "e a partner# :o"# lifestyle or
property due to their fear of re:ection. %o you(now so!eone li(e that/ Are you one of those
people who have sacri,ced your 7uality of life
due to fear of re:ection/ 5ear of re:ection li(e
fear of failure is a drea! !onster that we
create and strengthen. our level of fear is
relative to how you choose to perceive the
thing you fear. 'f you want to as( an individual
out on a date and the a!ount of fear you are
feeling is one on a scale of one to ten then you
will pro"a"ly as( that person out for a date.
ou have not created a huge !onster in your
head that tells you ;what if heshe says no '
will appear as an idiot-. *nce again the ;what
if F negative presupposition- thought pattern!isleads you into "elieving that you will "e
re:ected and that re:ection is a "ad thing.
Re:ection is a part of life. 'f you as( your
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!other for a slice of ho!e !ade ca(e and she
replies in the negative# does that !ean that
you never as( her again for a slice of ho!e
!ade ca(e/ 'f you are re:ected for a :o" does
that !ean that you do not apply for another
:o"/ $hat would "e a"surd# yet !any of us
deny ourselves the chance to grow# learn andexperience !ore due to past re:ections and
our fear of future ones. +uccessful people in
life expect and accept re:ection as a part of
success. Re:ection teaches the! that they
!ay need to i!prove their approach# product#
(nowledge# experience or attitude. 'f you
want to "e successful then you !ust prepare
yourself to face re:ection. *n the path of
success you !ust pass through the villages of
re:ection. o !atter how !any re:ections you
receive# learn fro! the! and (eep on pushing
towards your goals. Re:ections li(e failures
are valua"le lessons if you choose to learn
fro! the!.
F!& o# !0/&&ss0!t
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$here are !any of us on this planet who care
so !uch a"out what others thin( that we are
(illing ourselves. 6e care so !uch a"out what
other people thin( that we free8e ourselves
into a state of i!!o"ility. 6e stop doing the
things our heart desires due to our fear of
e!"arrass!ent. 6e care that we will appearstupid if we say so!ething we strongly
"elieve in "ecause those around us are too
ignorant to understand. 6e care if strangers
in a nightclu" thin( we are "ad dancers even
though they are too scared to dance
the!selves. 6e care that we will "e re:ected
"y others if we choose to act dierent fro!
!asses and their cattle !entality. 6e care so
!uch that we lose ourselves in our fear
e!"arrass!ent. 't is cra8y that we would
allow our fear of e!"arrass!ent to li!it and
restrict our drea!s. +o what if you are not a
good dancer. 'f your favourite trac( is playing#
dance until your heart delights. 6ho cares ifpeople are too ignorant to understand your
views and "eliefs $o hell with the cattle
!entality $he truth is !ost people who
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follow the !asses wish they could "e dierent
"ut are hindered "y their fear of
e!"arrass!ent. 'f ' cared a"out what people
thought you wouldn-t "e studying this course.
' love to write even though ' !ay not "e the
world-s greatest. ' a! doing what ' love and
helping others in the process. ' don-t carewhat so!e fearful# ;care too !uch- individual
thin(s a"out !y wor(. 'f you loo( at the
successful# happiest# !ost con,dent people
co!pared to the !asses they care little a"out
the negative thoughts of others. $hey do not
focus on e!"arrass!ent. $hey are too "usy
doing the things that !a(e the! happy rather
than focusing on their fear of e!"arrass!ent.
earn fro! the con,dent# fearless individuals
who go out their and ta(e ris(s. ' ad!ired
so!e of those people who enter national
televised co!petitions such as the factor at
the ris( of "eing laughed at and derided.
@eople actually ad!ire those who are socon,dent in the!selves that they do not care
what others thin(. 'f you want to "e
successful in life you have to develop a
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fearless and fun loving attitude and say no to
the fear of e!"arrass!ent.
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' (now so !any talented# s(illed and
intelligent people who have decided to give up
in the na!e of a few past failures and
e!"race fear. $hese people have so !uch to
oer "ut will pro"a"ly never share their
greatest gifts with others "ecause they are
too concerned a"out failing. Re!e!"er;whatever you focus on you receive-. 'f you
focus on the fear of failure your life will "e a
failure. $his is the way of the fearful. %o you
choose to act fearfully/ 'f you reply no "ut are
!a(ing excuses and will not continue to push
forward until you achieve your drea!s then
you are suering fro! the ;fear "ully-
syndro!e. 'f you are scared of expressing
your feelings to your partner "ecause you are
scared you will "e perceived as wea( or
ee!inate then you are acting in the na!e of
fear 'f you are scared to tal( to that person
you have always wanted to tal( to then you
are ruled "y fear. 6hat is the worst that canhappen if they choose not to tal( to you/ 's it
that "ad# no# its education perhaps you could
have done so!ething "etter# if so learn fro!
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it# you will i!prove your social s(ills. @erhaps
you !ay ,nd they are not worth spea(ing to
'f you are scared to apply for certain :o"s due
to lac( of s(ills or education# then learn the
s(ills and gain the experience needed to do
that :o". 'f you are re:ected then gain !ore
infor!ation and s(ills until co!panies areheadhunting you. 'f you want to pu"lish a
successful "oo( learn as !uch as you can
a"out writing a successful "oo( and then pay
attention to reader-s# critics- and pu"lishers-
criticis!s.
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'f you want to overco!e any fear then you
!ust overco!e it with continuous action. $a(e
s!all steps and do not stop until you have
overco!e your fear. ou !ay not get it right
on your ,rst few atte!pts "ut don-t stop.
)verything starts with a step. Re!e!"er act
li(e the child learning to wal(# despite thenu!erous falls and the inconvenience# the
child is deter!ined to wal( and will not stop
until heshe achieves hisher goal. Go for it
and overco!e the fa(e va!pires of fear.
Re!e!"er they are only dead Bies.
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HOW TO FACE FEAR ) OVERCOME IT
E2!&%is! 6 7 Lu-$ t *ou& i&&tio+ #!&s
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$a(e a fear you have and as( yourself& how
does this reduce the 7uality of your life on a
scale of one to ten/ $hen as( yourself& how
silly is the "elief on a scale of one to ten/ 'f
your fear ran(s a"ove ,ve then it is a strong
fear. ow we (now the fear and its strength
we are going to play with it. et-s get playfuland play with the fear. et-s say so!eone has
a fear of tal(ing to people. 6e are going to
ta(e that person and dare the! to say hello to
so!e they do not (now without any
expectations. $hen once they have achieved
such a goal we want the! to s!ile at
so!eone else who appears friendly and say
hello again. $hen we will !a(e the! aware
that they were a"le to go "eyond the fear and
greet people without worrying a"out negative
conse7uences. $hen we will as( the sa!e
person how do they feel a"out the fear now on
a scale of one to ten/ 'f they feel that it is now
wea(er then the exercise has wor(ed. 6ewould repeat the exercise until the feeling of
the fear reduced to far !ore controlla"le
levels for the individual. @lease re!e!"er to
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have fun 4e playful. @lay with your fears
E2!&%is! 9 7 How 'o!s s$! 'o it5 Co.*
$hin( of so!eone who is not scared of the
thing you fear and ,nd out what ha"its and
"ehaviours they e!ploy. ' re!e!"er a young
!an who would pic( up the telephone andcold call anyone with so !uch con,dence.
6hen ' as(ed hi! how he did it. He told !e
he had developed the attitude of ;' don-t care
if they say no- he would continue until he
received a yes. He said that he treated it as a
ga!e. He had actually learnt it fro! another
successful sales!an in his early days as a
sales!an. ' have told others who choose to
act shy to try such an attitude and it has
wor(ed very well. $ry it
E2!&%is! < 7 C$-! *ou& 1i!w o# t$! #!&
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*ne tric( which ' li(e to play with is to ta(e
so!ething so!eone doesn-t li(e and play with
their i!age of it. et-s say you fear tal(ing to
so!eone to such an extent that you free8e
when you see hi! or her. Create a funny
i!age of the!. '!agine a funny character
such as clown and dress the person you fearin a funny out,t. Give the! a funny voice#
wal(# gestures and expressions. 'f you "egin
to laugh then you have "een successful. @lay
with it. ' re!e!"er using this techni7ue with
so!eone who was extre!ely irate with a
friend. After following !y instructions he
could not stop laughing. 6hen he saw the
person with who! he was angry he s!iled
and laughed. @lease re!e!"er you !ay not
achieve over night success. 6or( at it and "e
playful. ears of fears !ay not disappear
instantly.
E2!&%is! = : A%t #!&+!ss+*
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*ne way to overco!e any fear is to enter into
a con,dent# arrogant and powerful state
where you don-t care a"out the conse7uences
and go for it with all your strength and
con,dence. ou can use an air!ation such
as ;' can overco!e this fear now forever# ' a!
the !aster of !y life# ' a! in control and ' will!aster this fear-. Re!e!"er a ti!e when you
felt "old and use that powerful feeling to help
you face a fear. 6hen you hold a powerful
positive state it is very diicult for fear to
control you.
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THE ANATOMY OF FEAR
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CHALLENGING>OVERCOMING FEAR
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HOW TO STO( MAKING EXCUSES ANDIM(ROVE YOUR LIFE
$%cuses never made a person or a
nation great 1 Lewis
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get older and sit in front of the $J-/ 'f we had
ta(en such a view !an(ind would still "e
crawling or even worst rolling around on their
sto!achs
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)xcuses never help a person to overco!e the
challenges they face in life. $hey help to !a(e
!atters worse. $hey hinder your progress.
$hey inhi"it intelligent "ehaviour and
creativity. $he !ost unsuccessful people tend
to !a(e the !ost excuses. How !any excuses
do you !a(e everyday/ %o you suer fro! aserious case of excuses/ 6e all have !ade
excuses at so!e point in our life in order to
cover up our failed atte!pts or shortco!ings.
+o!e people !ay even want to tell you that it
is nor!al to !a(e up excuses as everyone
does it. However# no !atter how co!!on
excuses are it does not !a(e the!
accepta"le. 'f you want to push "eyond your
co!fort 8one# achieve !ore in life and
i!prove then !a(ing excuses are da!n right
unaccepta"le. 6hy# you !ay as(. )xcuses
avoid addressing those issues# "ehaviours#
"eliefs or situations that hinder you fro!
achieving a "etter 7uality of life. )very ti!eyou tell yourself you cannot "e "othered or
you don-t care# you are hindering your
progress in the na!e of excuses. How !any
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' have never heard of a very successful
person# entrepreneur# !ulti!illionaire# or
contented partner who were aKicted "y
excuses. ever +uccessful people never# let
!e repeat never# hide "ehind excuses# they
never allow excuses to dictate how poor their
7uality of life !ust "e. ou !ight say ;' don-thave any for!al 7uali,cations so ' cannot "e
successful# ' a! not "right enough-. How
!any successful people don-t have for!al
7uali,cations# were high school dropouts or
social !is,ts in their teen years/ $oo !any to
!ention 4ill Gates dropped out of niversity=
Richard 4ranson has few acade!ic
7uali,cations however they are all extre!ely
successful. How a"out Helen Leller who at
eighteen !onths contracted a severe illness
that left her "lind and without hearing for the
rest of her life. 5or the next six years she
suered in a world of anger# self>a"sorption
and frustration. )veryone failed to ,nd a wayto connect or co!!unicate with her. At the
age of seven her social wor(er# Annie +ullivan
"eca!e a part of her life. Leller considered
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that !o!ent the !ost i!portant day she
could re!e!"er in her life. Annie +ullivan
unli(e everyone else was a"le to connect with
Helen Leller. $hrough her connection with
Annie +ullivan Helen Leller transfor!ed
herself# fro! a near ani!al state# una"le to
spea(# wal(# and feed to an intelligent wo!anwho wrote a"out her own life story and
"eca!e an icon for !any people around the
glo"e. Her transfor!ation as diicult as it was
would not have happened if she and her
teacher had decided to !a(e excuses.
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cheap. He will not apply for a higher paid :o"
as he tells hi!self ;it loo(s li(e too !uch
wor(# what if ' don-t li(e it# ' !ight "e a
failure# they are as(ing for too !uch... He will
not save !oney or loo( for a larger rented
acco!!odation as he tells hi!self ;' a! not
wasting !y inco!e# ' don-t want to "e tied toa !ortgage# it is not worth itEHe will not
ta(e the ris( and atte!pt to esta"lish a
relationship as he tells hi!self ;$here are no
decent fe!ales around# why do ' want to tie
!yself down/# it-s ti!e consu!ing# ' cannot
"e "otheredE-.
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failings on anyone accept hi!self. He will
continue to "e successful and happy as he is
honest with hi!self and see(s to overco!e his
fears and li!itations.
$here are honesty F action "etter 7uality of life.
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6hat for!ula are you following/ 'f you want a
"etter 7uality of life then the answer is
o"vious# stop !a(ing excuses and get up and
deal with whatever challenges# o"stacles you
have to overco!e# starting now )xcuses are
for people who choose to act fearfully. 'f you
are a person who "la!es others# racis!#class# environ!ent or anything else for your
failings stop it now. ou will not grow and
achieve hiding "ehind excuses. +tart acting
with con,dence and !a(e the decision to "e a
4 person# a shaper of a "etter 7uality of life.
Any successful person that you (now# see or
hear a"out is a 4 person. $hey get up# stay up
and they excel without excuses.
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HOW TO STO( MAKING EXCUSES ANDIM(ROVE YOUR LIFE
E2!&%is! 6 : List *ou& 'i+* 'os! o#
!2%us!s
6rite down all the excuses you !a(e on
regular "asis. 6hich ones hinder you the !ost
in life/ @ic( those excuses that hinder you the
!ost and exa!ine the!. 'f you tell yourself ;'
do not have ti!e-. )xa!ine your day and
chec( the a!ount of ti!e you waste. Create a
si!ple plan to !anage your ti!e "etter. 'f you
tell yourself ;' do not possess suicient funds-
exa!ine how !uch !oney you waste on
unnecessary ite!s and loo( for new ways to
generate inco!e.
4elow is an exa!ple&
E2%us! H/it> W$t 'o *ou 'o5 So+utio
o !oney ' earn M1900 per !onth
and save non of it
+ell at the local c
goods on e4ay'n
+ave !oney and
things that ' don-
%evelop a "usine
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E2%us! H/it> W$t 'o*ou 'o5
So+utio
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E2!&%is! 9 : Gi1! u. !2%us!s #o& '*
*nce you have listed the excuses you !a(eregularly the next step is to vow to stop
hiding "ehind those excuses for a day. *nce
you have successfully achieved your goal of
;no excuses for the day- then ai! to stop
!a(ing excuses for a wee( and then a !onth.
'f you have a spent a lot of ti!e hiding "ehind
excuses you will experience a positive shift in
your thin(ing. ou will ,nd a new sense of
independence and self responsi"ility which
will help you to progress in any area of your
life !uch 7uic(er than previously. ou will see
how !uch of a victi! the person who !a(es
excuses is.
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THE EXCUSE CYCLE
CHALLENGING EXCUSES
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HOW TO USE LANGUAGE TO IM(ROVE
YOUR LIFE
;+o!ething far worse than ver"al profanities#
And far !ore destructive than the !ost vile of
curses#
's the use of certain words#
$hey have inBicted such horri,c da!age on
!an(ind#
And have "een the source of :usti,cation for!any a !isdeed#
$hat if ' could#
' would#
4an the! indeed- A 'sh!ael
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' re!e!"er a funny yet thought provo(ing
story a"out the power of words. A swa!i# an
'ndian !ystic# was once giving a lecture on
the power of !antras NincantationsO and the
positive eects that they can have on those
who recite the! regularly. A young sceptic in
the audience stood up and told the !asterthat he was tal(ing ru""ish. $he young !an
stated ;reciting the sa!e word a thousand
ti!es could do nothing for the hu!an
condition as words have no real power-. $he
swa!i responded to the young !an with
ver"al a"use. 4oth the young !an and the
audience loo(ed at the swa!i astonished. $he
young !an re"u(ed the swa!i for using foul
language# which he "elieved to "e "eneath his
stature and a !ost hurtful and defa!atory
choice of words. $he swa!i turned to the
crowd and said ;here today we have seen a
perfect exa!ple of the power of words than(s
to our young# arrogant# sceptic-.
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$here are certain words which !ost )nglish
spea(ers use daily without any thought of
what negative inBuence they have upon the!.
A nu!"er of euro>linguists call the o!ission
of these words and a!"iguities fro! our
speech ;clean language-. ' call the use of such
words and a!"iguities ;foul language-. $hefoul words in 7uestion are as follows&
Mo'+ o.!&to&s o# .ossi/i+it*
$hese words when used negatively can have a
catastrophic eect on our achieve!ent. $hey
restrict our innate talents= li!it our options
and choices to do !ore and "etter in our
lives. +uch words and expressions are&
Cannot
Couldn-t
na"le
'!possi"le
;'t is i!possi"le-
;ou can-t do that-;ou will "e una"le to tal( toE-
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6hen we use the a"ove>!entioned words and
expressions we tell ourselves that we do not
have the a"ility to do things that we have
never atte!pted to do or have failed to do
well. 5or exa!ple& so!eone tells you that they
cannot learn a foreign language. $hey have
either not atte!pted to learn a foreignlanguage and assu!e it is too diicult to
learn# or have atte!pted to learn a foreign
language and have found it too challenging to
learn. $his does not !ean that they lac( the
a"ility to learn a foreign language. 't si!ply
!eans that they cannot "e "othered to learn a
language or overco!e whatever challenges
they !ay face in order to learn it successfully.
$heir use of ;can-t- in this sense is !erely a
su"stitute for they won-t or they don-t want
to. 6e use the word ;can-t- daily as it ta(es
away the responsi"ility of doing or
co!!itting to so!ething. 6hen a !an says
he cannot "e faithful he is saying he isatte!pting to "la!e so!e !ythical force for
his irresponsi"ility. $he truth is he does not
want to "e responsi"le and chooses not to "e
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responsi"le. Re!e!"er can-t e7uals ;won-t- or
;choose not-. 6henever you ,nd yourself
saying can-t# you !ean you won-t# and you are
trying to pass on your responsi"ility to so!e
!ythical "eing. ou are also li!iting yourself
and playing into your fears.
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ou !ay have not ran a !ile "efore and !ay
"e scared of failing in your atte!pt to achieve
your goal so you say that it is i!possi"le for
you to run a !ile. How can you say you
cannot run a !ile when you haven-t
atte!pted to do it/ Re!e!"er what we
"elieve we can do is not a true reBection ofwhat we really can do. i!iting voca"ulary
"reeds li!iting "ehaviour which "reeds
li!iting "eliefs. However# li!iting "eliefs are
not truths and when you change your
voca"ulary and use e!powering voca"ulary
your actions change and that change creates
far !ore e!powering "eliefs. 'f you said= ;'
haven-t ran a !ile as of yet "ut ' intend to do
it and will continue to do it until ' achieve it-
how do you thin( your actions will "e/ $hey
will support your choice of words. Re!e!"er
to say ;can- instead of cannot and possi"le
instead of i!possi"le. $he negative use of
!odal operators of possi"ility causes you toli!it yourself and to tell yourself that you
can-t when you can. +uccessful people have a
;can do- attitude. 'f you want to "e successful
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you !ust "e a can doer
Mo'!+ o.!&to&s o# !%!ssit*
$hese words tend to refer to a past failing or
an inco!plete action in the past. $hey tend to
indicate a degree of regret and in so!e cases
a sense of failure. $hey also are used as a wayto create excuses and :usti,cations for
negative "ehaviours. @eople use these
operators to "la!e so!e unseen rule or
invisi"le power.
+hould
+houldn-t
*ught
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5or exa!ple& a person says that he should
have "een a diligent student. 6hen as(ed
why/ He replies God (nows or !any reasons.
6hy doesn-t he as( God for the answer then/
6hat does ;!any reasons- !ean/ How a"out
rather than la!enting a"out his past failings#
or !a(ing excuses# get up and "eco!e adiligent student. ou can ;should- all day "ut it
will not resolve whatever you ;should- a"out
ou need to stop using ;should- and ta(e
responsi"ility. 6hen so!eone says ;' should
have gone to town- it !eans ;' chose not to go
to town and ' now have realised that it would
have "een "etter for !e to have gone-. 'f you
tell yourself ;' (now ' should have wor(ed
hard and ' didn-t- you !ean it would have
"een "etter that you did. Guess what# it still
would "e "etter if you got o your "ehind and
wor(ed harder. +uccessful people don-t spend
their ti!e ;shoulding- all over the place they
clean up whatever !ess they !ade in the past"y acting proactively. $hey don-t tal( a"out it
they get on with it. +top ;shoulding- all over
and clean up your life "y using cleaner
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language and acting proactively. 'f you (now
you should have done so!ething then do it or
forget a"out it.
T$! 1!&/ to /!
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$he ver" to "e is the !ost used ver" in the
)nglish language. 't can have a positive or
negative eect depending on the user.
nfortunately# as !any people tend to spend
!ore of their life using language negatively
they use the ver" ;to "e- to their detri!ent. '
have watched parents on nu!erous occasionspollute their children-s !inds with negative
i!ages using the ver" ;to "e F negative
description-. +tate!ents such as ;you are too
rude-# ;you are "ad- or ;you are stupid- and
!any !ore all indoctrinate our children to
"elieve that rudeness# "adness and stupidity
are their character. $here are adults who
suer fro! low self>estee! "ecause their
parents# elders and peers descri"ed the!
negatively in their youth. 6hat they don-t
(now is that they !ay do wrong# act
ignorantly or stupidly however wrong>doing#
ignorance and stupidity are not their "eing.
$hey were not "orn stupid or rude or "ad.
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6e li!it ourselves when we use the ver" ;to
"e- negatively to descri"e ourselves "ased on
our actions. 'f you failed in school then you
failed in school. 't does not !ean you are
failure. 5ailure is not your "eing.
'f you choose to use the ver" ;to "e- todescri"e your actions as your "eing# it would
"e !ore productive to use the ver" to
descri"e yourself positively. 'f you are good at
writing then tell yourself ;' a! a good writer-.
'f you are a good !otivator then tell yourself
;' a! a good !otivator-. 'f you descri"e
yourself positively long enough your !ind
creates the conditions to "eco!e that which
you tell it. +o if you do choose to descri"e
yourself as a certain type of person# let that
person "e so!eone productive# positive and
"ene,cial to your well>"eing.
(&o/+!0 1s? C$++!-!
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)very hu!an "eing will face challenges in his
or her life fro! "irth until death. Challenges
help us to grow and learn. However !any
people act as if challenges should not exist
and actually act as if they are not a part of life
and actively atte!pt to avoid the!. $hese
people descri"e o"stacles in their lives as;pro"le!s-. However# successful people
descri"e o"stacles as challenges that can "e
overco!e. $hin( a"out it# if you have a
pro"le! you descri"e it as so!ething
negative. 't is so!ething you do not
particularly want to deal with. ow# if you
change the word pro"le! to challenge it
changes how you respond to it. A challenge is
so!ething you descri"e as positive. 't is
so!ething you want to overco!e# so!ething
you want to win.
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A lady ' (now was having pro"le!s at wor(
with a !e!"er of sta who! she thought
didn-t li(e her and was under!ining her. '
dared her to ta(e up the challenge to
overco!e it. ' as(ed if they spo(e to which
she replied air!atively. ' as(ed what she
(new a"out her to which she replied verylittle. +he (new that her colleague was very
organised and disciplined at wor(. ' as(ed !y
friend whether she was organised at wor(.
+he replied that her des( was untidy# covered
with paper and "oo(s. ' dared her to tidy her
des( and (eep it tidy for a few days to test !y
assu!ption.
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Mu%4* M!t.$o&s
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;ife is crap-. 6hy don-t you clean it up/
4leach wor(s wonders
;' a! alive-. ' can see that. 6hat are you
doing with your life to !a(e it "etter/
;' have the world on !y shoulders-. $a(e it o
and let it spin in space where it is !eant to
"e. $hen you will have !ore ti!e and energyto do things that i!prove your 7uality of life.
;ife is a struggle# "attle-.
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;'-! winning-. ou would feel a !uch stronger
sense of success and act !ore con,dently.
%o you get the drift/ +tart paying attention to
the !etaphors you use and change the
negative ones to positive# e!powering ones.
G!!&+istios
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Generalisations are assu!ptions# which
destroy co!!unication "etween people.
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'n !y younger days when wo!en would say to
!e ;all you !en are the sa!e- ' would
respond ;you !ust "e very ancient and
popular with guys to (now every !an that has
existed since the "eginning of ti!e/ ou !ust
"e so!ewhat of a ti!e traveller
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6ords such as always# never# every# all and
none (nown as universal 7uanti,ers are
words we use every day to !a(e
generalisations.
;ou never ta(e !e out- even though her
partner too( her out three wee(s ago
;ou always say that- even though he hasn-tseen her for a !onth
;All wo!en are the sa!e- ' wish !y partner
were Halle 4erry
$he exa!ples a"ove are exa!ples of poor
co!!unication where the spea(er !a(es a
state!ent without suicient facts. $he
state!ents are false as there are always
exceptions. $he sooner we understand that it
is !ore productive for us to refrain fro!
generalisations in order to i!prove our
co!!unication "etween each other# the
sooner we would rid the world of so !uch
ignorance and pre:udice.
5oul language can hinder you How foul is
your language/
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HOW TO USE LANGUAGE TO IM(ROVE
YOUR LIFE
E2!&%is! 6 : L!& to %&!t! .ositi1!
0!t.$o&s
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Analyse the !etaphors that you use on a daily
"asis. Are they supporting you or destroying
you. 'f they are negative !etaphors start to
change the!. Go inside of the!# play with
the!# change parts of the !etaphor "y
!a(ing the! !ore positive and notice how it
changes how you feel. 'f you descri"e life as astruggle descri"e it as a :ourney. A :ourney is
far !ore interesting and exciting than a
struggle and you notice !ore things along the
way. 'f you do descri"e experiences#
relationships and "ehaviours with negative
!etaphors "egin to play with the !etaphors.
6hen people say life is PPPP ' will as( the!
;how "ad does it s!ell/- and ;where is it/- '
will also tell the! to clean up the !ess and
as( the! whether they are not asha!ed to
live such a dirty life. ' a! challenging the! to
ta(e control of their life and change the
!etaphorical landscape. Re!e!"er your
!etaphors represent how you see yourselfand your life so create !etaphors that can
help you rather restrict and li!it you.
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E2!&%is! 9 7 Us! t$! 1!&/ to /! to $!+.
*ou ot su..&!ss *ou
+top using the ver" ;"e- to descri"e any
negative 7ualities a"out yourself and start
using it to descri"e every positive 7uality that
you can thin( a"out. 'f you have ever acted
char!ingly write down ;' a! char!ing-. ouwill no longer descri"e any negative ha"its as
7ualities fro! now onwards. ou will descri"e
the! as actions in the present tense. ou will
say ;' a! acting stupidly- rather than ;' a!
stupid-. Re!e!"er unless you act stupidly
consistently for 2Q hours you cannot descri"e
yourself as stupid. 't is a te!porary action
even if you annoy people for a few hours
E2!&%is! < : T4! %$&-! o# *ou& +i#! /*
s*i- I %$oos! ot to &t$!& t$ I
%t
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Jow to say ;' choose not to- rather than ;'
cannot- this is a great way for you to gain a
greater sense of control over your life and
ta(e responsi"ility for your actions. 't will also
open new opportunities in dierent areas of
your life as you discover and ,nd new ways to
overco!e o"stacles and challenges which youwould have avoided in the past "y saying ;'
can-t-.
E2!&%is! = : Us! t$! wo&' 'o &t$!& t$
t&*
$hin( a"out so!ething you have "een trying
to do right now. Have you done the thing that
you have "een trying to achieve/ 's the
answer no/ How did ' guess/ 't is only when
you tell yourself that you will do it and
actually do it that you achieve your desired
ai!. +top ;trying- fro! now on and do. otice
when you tell yourself you will do so!ething#
how dierent it feels and sounds. %oers are!ore con,dent and far !ore successful than
those who try. 6henever you want to do
so!ething don-t try it do it instead.
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E2!&%is! : Sto. $i'i- /!$i' !2%us!s
/* &!#&ii- #&o0 s*i- I s$ou+'
4egin to "eco!e !ore !indful of your daily
use of the word should in a positive sentence
and change it to ;choose not to-. 5or exa!ple&
;' should have eaten healthily today- ischanged to ;' choose not to eat healthily
today-. Change the word ;should not- in a
negative sentence to ;choose-. 5or exa!ple& ;'
should not have eaten all that chocolate- is
changed to ;' choose to eat all that chocolate-.
ou will soon realise how often you use should
to :ustify your negative ha"its and as an
excuse.
E2!&%is! : Sto. -!!&+isi- '
/!%o0! 0o&! o.! 0i'!'
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$he ai! of this exercise is to help you to
"eco!e !ore !indful of your generalisations.
Generalisations li!it you and are the vital
ingredients in creating a pre:udice# racist and
sexist !ind. ist the generalisations that you
have accepted over the years and as( yourself
;'s this really true/ %o ' have all the evidenceto actually prove this is true/- otice what
chain of events happen in your !ind and what
new 7uestions and thoughts arise. Challenge
your childhood stereotypes of others and
notice how your !ind shifts.
+o!e of the worst generalisations in society
are&
;4lac(s are la8y- > $his is clearly false as there
are !any hard wor(ing "lac( people on the
planet.
;6o!en are not as co!petent as !en- I
nonsense 'f we loo( at what !en as a group
have done to the planet through wars# corrupt
govern!ents and sexis! we could say that!en are less co!petent than wo!en even
though it would also "e a generalisation "ased
on li!ited evidence.
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;6atch out for the
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HOW NEGATIVE LANGUAGE DESTROYS
YOUR LIFE
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A young lady#
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re7uire!ents for so !any dierent careers.
+he was also a very loving !other who
!anaged her ho!e environ!ent very
successfully. +he therefore also possessed
good ti!e !anage!ent and organisational
s(ills. 5or exa!ple&
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'f you thin( that you do not (now what to do
with your life then you have pro"a"ly not
thought enough a"out your needs# desires#
s(ills# experience and (nowledge. ncertainty
aKicts all of us at so!e point in our lives
however those who are successful see( to
clear the veil of dou"t with deter!ination andaction. nsuccessful people allow the!selves
to "eco!e engulfed "y uncertainty# as they do
!ost things# and allow it to wash their drea!s
and desires away. $he (ey to discovering what
you want to do in life is to ,rst vow to yourself
that you will ,nd the answers you need#
second that you will continue to search for
the! until you ,nd the! and ,nally you will
as( e!powering 7uestions and avoid excuses.
'f you follow this for!ula you will ,nd the
solution to your dou"ts.
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What am I good at? What skills,
experience and knowledge do I possess?
Co!!unicating# writing# helping others#
coo(ing# co!puters# art# analysing# planning#
organising# pro"le! solving# wor(ing with
others# travelling# foreign languages# well
versed in history# psychology# poetry etc
What would I like to be good at?
Co!puters#
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Where can I go to learn the relevant
information, skills and gain the relevant
experience?
ou can learn fro! 5riends# fa!ily# wor(# the