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by
Noah Ira Zisman
2010
The Report Committee for Noah Ira Zisman
Certifies that this is the approved version of the
following report:
How to Achieve Extinction Without Killing Yourself:
The Process of Writing a Screenplay
APPROVED BY
SUPERVISING COMMITTEE:
Stuart Kelban
Andrew Garrison
Supervisor:
How to Achieve Extinction Without Killing Yourself:
The Process of Writing a Screenplay
by
Noah Ira Zisman, B.A.
Report
Presented to the Faculty of the Graduate School of
The University of Texas at Austin
in Partial Fulfillment
of the Requirements
for the Degree of
Master of Fine Arts
The University of Texas at Austin
August 2010
iv
Abstract
How to Achieve Extinction Without Killing Yourself:
The Process of Writing a Screenplay
Noah Ira Zisman, MFA
The University of Texas at Austin, 2010
Supervisor: Stuart Kelban
“How to Achieve Extinction Without Killing Yourself:
The Process of Writing a Screenplay” examines the creative
procedure of writing the sci-fi feature Extinction. It
explores the step-by-step process of idea genesis through
to the third draft.
v
Table of Contents
CHAPTER 1: INTRODUCTION......................... 1
CHAPTER 2: THE HOLLYWOOD STRUCTURE.............. 4
CHAPTER 3: EXTINCTION IS BORN.................. 10
CHAPTER 4: OUTLINE THEN OUTLINE AGAIN.......... 14
CHAPTER 5: ALL SYSTEMS ARE GO – DRAFT ONE...... 19
CHAPTER 6: THE PERILS OF A SECOND DRAFT........ 23
CHAPTER 7: THE FINAL EXTINCTION................ 30
CHAPTER 8: CONCLUSION.......................... 33
Appendix A: Pitch.............................. 35
Appendix B: Dead Planet Graffle outline........ 39
Appendix C: Mars Awaken Graffle outline........ 40
Appendix D: Mars Outline....................... 42
Appendix E: Dead Planet Treatment.............. 44
Appendix F: Mars Step outline.................. 53
Appendix G: Mars Cheat Sheet................... 57
Appendix H: Extinction Rewrite Pitch........... 58
Vita........................................... 62
1
CHAPTER 1: INTRODUCTION
It took me five years to complete my first script. I
can’t be sure of the title because I changed it so many
times. I believe the last version was called Don’t Play
Cards With the Devil, named after a Daniel Johnston song
that devolves into him screaming “DEVIL” over and over. At
one point it was called The Losing Hand, but that was when
the protagonist bet and lost his hand (the actual physical
appendage) in a gruesome poker match, a scene that I cut
(pardon the pun) in later drafts. This was the screenplay
for which I gained entrance into UT’s RTF screenwriting
program.
Like a bad relationship held in a broken heart, I have
scripts in various states of disrepair that haunt the
memories of my computer. I have folders in folders in old
hard drives that have buried within them a directory listed
as “screenplays” or “writing” or “dope ideas”. The Losing
Hand (I still like that title best despite the fact it no
longer carries the pun of the old version) was my best
effort to use writing to pull myself from mediocrity.
Don’t get me wrong: I have other skills, especially if I
want to embrace a life of administrative assisting or
2
Barista-ing (that’s a fancy way of saying coffee maker for
those who are initiated). But I had decided (at least for
that moment) that if I couldn’t make something happen with
this script, that I didn’t have what it takes to be a
successful screenwriter. In short, being accepted into the
RTF program gave me the push I needed (or shouldn’t have
had, as the case may be) to keep me toiling as a writer.
As an undergraduate, I had a screenwriting teacher who
told a story to illustrate one of the dangers of
screenwriting. A man is hired to paint the centerline in
the road. On the first day he amazes his employer because
he paints fifteen miles – unheard of. The next day he only
does five more miles – the first day must have been a
fluke. The following day he only paints one-quarter mile.
The boss becomes concerned. He talks to his new employee
to find out why his output has decreased so drastically.
The worker tells him that he is painting as fast as he can,
but after he fixes what he has already painted he is too
exhausted to paint much more. Reworking ad infinitum what
has already been written can be a major roadblock to
finishing a screenplay for many writers, including myself.
3
This program has been invaluable in giving me tools to
tackle the writing process, to move beyond the first 15
miles of centerline. I will go through some of those tools
as I examine how I went about my process for writing my
screenplay Extinction. I will describe the kind of script
I wrote. And I will explain the genesis of the idea, how
it evolved, what the process of tackling it became
(including the outlining process), and changes that evolved
through the multiple drafts.
4
CHAPTER 2: THE HOLLYWOOD STRUCTURE
UT emphasizes screenwriting for classical narration
(the three-act structure). The skills that I have
developed are certainly transferable to other types of
scripts, however, they are best suited to the three-act
structure. For other types of visual narrative forms, I
will probably have to adjust my process. I make a note of
this because there are many alternative structures that are
used, even in Hollywood. I have a strong interest in other
narrative forms and I try to consider these when I develop
a screenplay. I want to be a working screenwriter and I do
think that the most likely road to success is through
classical narrative structure (three-act). It is important
to understand its strengths as well as its limitations.
The classical narrative structure is traditional, the
most widely used, the easiest for an audience to digest,
and in general, it seems to generate the most revenue at
the box office. It consists of an active protagonist that
seeks a goal and must change in order to achieve it. It is
cause and effect related. It has a catalyst that launches
the story, a mid point, a low point, and a climax.
5
My earlier studies in screenwriting presented a
different form of story structure than what was emphasized
in UT’s program. One theory, based on Joseph Campbell’s
Hero of A Thousand Faces, maintains that all stories are
just variations of seven myths. One of these is the hero
myth, which Campbell claims can be found in all cultures
despite differences in story detail. In other words, there
are elements included in all hero myths that strike a chord
in people, which the three-act structure seems to share.
The way that three-act structure is approached at UT
is less about meeting with all the specific moments that a
hero encounters in the hero myth than it is with nailing
down story pacing. Having a tight script means that it is
paced properly. It builds in tension and crescendos. It
fits together neatly and is clean. The story is always
briskly moving forward.
I do think, however, that this structure has certain
limitations. For instance, a single protagonist that must
always be active restricts the point of view. This can
make it difficult to convey complicated issues because it
constricts the myriad ways a topic can be discussed. A
quick example can be seen in the film Slumdog Millionaire.
6
This film does an excellent job of following the three-act
structure but as a result of hitting the correct beats and
following a single character, its presentation of the
female love interest and poverty of India is problematic.
The aim of the film isn’t to go into gender politics or too
deeply into class politics. Its main goal is to entertain.
However, dramatizing poverty for the sake of the story
leaves the film open to criticisms of exoticizing the poor
of India. The politics of three-act structure could be a
paper in and of itself, but my goal here is to touch on it
in order to point to its limitations.
My interest in film springs from it being the ultimate
medium for complex communication. There are many ways that
it accomplishes this. If a prototypical three-act
structured movie is a modern myth (which I think something
like Spiderman is) then many of the ways film communicates
are more analogous to poetry than myth. I do think there
is some combination of the two that can happen. Pulp
Fiction is an example of an alternate narrative form that
has some of the elements of three-act structure. But there
is a difference between it and normal three-act structure.
I imagine the approach to writing it would not be the same.
7
Three-act films can be like novels in that they have
room for experimentation and can be pushed to exceed their
limitations although novels generally have more latitude
than classical narrative film. Early Jean-Luc Godard films
best illustrate this. Band of Outsiders has many elements
of a classic three-act narrative (it is inspired by it
after all), but some of the scenes are completely
inappropriate for the classic three-act model. One of the
most beautiful scenes in the movie is when the three main
characters are just hanging out in a coffee shop and they
decide to dance. It has nothing to do with the main plot
of the film and if we follow the three-act model
rigorously, it should be cut. However, it is one of the
best scenes in the movie, it’s fun, gives us character
insight, provides us with what feels like an authentic
moment from the characters lives. Godard intends to push
the boundaries of film more than tell a story. It is
important for him to expose the artifice of the medium
while he is using it to manipulate viewers. All this to
say there is a narrative art and a film art that can be at
odds.
8
Extinction doesn’t challenge the form in any way and
it isn’t meant to. It is a straight story that is best
suited for the traditional three-act structure. At the
same time, it still has the politics that come with this
form. I’m not Godard so when I tried to challenge the
politics of the structure, it didn’t have the same results.
For example, at times my protagonist wasn’t as active as he
should have been but instead of pushing the boundaries of
the form, it dragged my story down. Another example is
that I had to sacrifice scientific accuracy for the sake of
drama. This frequently happens in film. In Top Gun Tom
Cruise both flies the jet and works its weapons. He has a
co-pilot who is completely superfluous in terms of the
actual aircraft. This is done because the hero needs to be
active and if he isn’t shooting down the bad guys and
flying the aircraft, then he would have moments when
someone else is doing the heavy lifting.
There are stories that are better suited for
alternative structures, and although I intend to experiment
with them in the future, this approach was not ideal for
this particular script. Some of my favorite movies blend
the two. Films like Vertigo, 2001, and Time of the Wolf
9
all have classical narrative elements but also challenge
the boundaries set forward by classical narrative
structure. Films such as Out of the Past, Star Wars, and
Castaway stay within the confines of the structure but are
still stellar works. I’m not trying to elevate one form
over the other, but I think the form is a very serious
consideration that shouldn’t always be dismissed out of
hand.
In the case of Extinction, I played with pushing the
boundaries of classical narrative structure, but in
hindsight, I see that I should have had a better grasp of
this structure before experimenting. Learning the
structure is paramount to good film writing, if for no
other reason so that when you break out if it, you know
what you are doing and why. Films teach us how to watch
them. If they are meant to challenge our preconceived
ideas about story, they better know what they are saying.
10
CHAPTER 3: EXTINCTION IS BORN
Extinction is about a man trapped on a spacecraft with
nothing but an android, the pinnacle of human technology.
He is faced with the extinction of the human race. He is
literally the last man. The original idea was about an
astronaut that was conducting experiments in space and woke
up one morning to find that somehow the Earth was destroyed
while he was sleeping. He was never to know what happened
on Earth. He was to live out his last moments coming to
terms with his own mortality and the isolation that comes
with being the only and last remnant of human existence.
Part of his experiment before the destruction of the earth
was to run a monkey through a battery of tests in space,
however, after the annihilation of the earth, these
exercises obviously became irrelevant. However, the monkey
took on new relevance in the face of extinction.
There are immediate and obvious problems with my
original idea. First of all, it doesn’t seem very
cinematic to have a two hour movie about one guy on a small
ship, even if there is a monkey involved. It is too
11
constrictive. There is only so much that a man can say to
a monkey before going insane which would at any rate
probably not draw in audiences, although if they’d seen
Andy Warhol’s Empire (6 hours of a static shot of the
empire state building) they might reconsider. Nonetheless,
this was the original kernel. I had this idea when I was
an undergraduate at Bard College in 1994.
After years of ruminating about it, I felt it needed
to become broader in scope. I wanted to have a little more
of the crew and thought that the addition of an android
would dial up the complexity of the situation by being a
better foil for my hero. I felt that it would be more
philosophically complex to focus on an almost perfect
facsimile of a human being (but who is, in the end, only a
machine) to mirror/question/expand upon the trials and
emotional turmoil of my protagonist.
I avoided tackling this as a project and approached it
with trepidation because I also felt that it should have
some scientific accuracy. I didn’t want to bog it down
with scientific details, but I also didn’t want audiences
to get tripped up on inaccuracies. The point wasn’t to
have another Star Wars but to have something that seemed
12
plausible. I wanted to foreground the emotional journey.
It was important for me to try and get an audience to
consider their own relationship to the earth and the human
species.
I wanted to evoke a reaction in people that is
sometimes evoked in death. I had an Uncle die of cancer.
We all knew he was dying and so we had a chance to bond and
talk to him about things we felt were important. However,
it was a much different experience when another family
member died suddenly. We thought back on our last moment
with him. There are things you wish you had said that you
don’t get a chance to say. Part of this story needed to
have that element - the idea that if we push the earth past
the point of no return, what would we wish we had done
differently? How would we navigate those feelings?
I was afraid that if it got too fantastic or played
too fast and loose with the rules of reality it risked
distracting a viewer. Ultimately, that might not be true.
I now think that as long as an audience connects with a
character and the character is relatable and believable
within the context of the world, then an audience will go
along for the ride. That’s not to say that I think I could
13
have a wookie in the middle of the script and people
wouldn’t notice, just that I am more flexible in fudging
the reality if it means smoother story telling.
As the story developed in my mind, I began to feel a
strong pull to try and make it commercial. I reconsidered
having it be one person and thought maybe it would be
better to have a group. Maybe they would make it to Mars
then they could reflect on what went wrong and try to do
things differently with their new opportunity. The title
at that point was Mars Descending. This is the story I
pitched in my first semester:
Mars Descending: After earth is destroyed, an
astronaut and crew – stuck alone in space – must
devise the survival of humankind.
It was meant to have a lot of action, backstabbing
crewmates, a struggle to find meaning in a world where
everyone you knew (with the exception of your coworkers)
was gone. Alas, it was not meant to be. Such is the
process of screenwriting.
14
CHAPTER 4: OUTLINE THEN OUTLINE AGAIN
The antidote against getting stuck rewriting the same
passages over and over is to outline. Building from an
idea kernel to an outline to a step-outline to a treatment
before even starting the script is how I was able to write
two drafts in a year instead of taking five years to write
one draft. Stuart Kelban taught me these tools in the Fall
semester of ’08 and this has been extremely helpful in my
process. This step-by-step method helped me to clarify my
idea and to see what attracted me to it. Plotting out
ahead of time made the writing process much more
manageable.
The first step is synthesizing the idea into a brief
description. You start with the most basic part and build
from there. It’s great because it forces you to think
about the core of the premise. I had done this part of the
process before as an undergraduate and was taught that it
should have a beginning, middle, and end just like a
screenplay. However, Stuart encouraged us to think about
it in terms of a protagonist who wants something really
badly, but who is having trouble getting it. His approach
15
has been much more useful in my writing as it has helped me
solidify the foundation of my story.
The next step was new to me: a short (one page)
outline of the idea. It is comprised of a paragraph for
each act. In this version I had a running feud with my
protagonist and another character. A whole crew goes to
Mars. A lot was meant to happen. It tracks their progress
from Earth as they discover its destruction and how they
deal with the trauma and carry out their mission. They
eventually arrive at Mars, but there are problems and
conflicts between crew members.
In my rewrite of the outline, I returned to my
original idea and removed all of the crew. It had Eli on
Earth with his wife until he launches, after which he is
joined only by the android. He goes to Mars and then
returns but a lot of the major beats are there. One big
problem that I didn’t resolve at this stage was Eli’s
movement. It became problematic to follow him from Earth
to Mars and then back to Earth. It has a feeling of
backtracking that crops up again in later versions.
The treatment continues with what I had in the outline
and expands upon it. I did a lot of research on different
16
types of propulsion systems. In an attempt to maintain a
scientifically grounded piece, I tried to find plausible
technology to enhance the story. Launching out of a tunnel
is something that survived multiple drafts. There is real
science behind it that has to do with math, physics, and
other words that have no business being in a paper about
screenwriting. In short, it is based on an electromagnetic
catapult, but don’t worry I won’t say any more on it then
that.
My character introduction for the protagonist had him
lecturing to a bunch of pointy-headed intellectuals. The
note I got back was that it wasn’t dramatic, cinematic, or
interesting in any way. Analyzing this intro was important
because it illustrated one of the main pitfalls in
screenwriting – one that is a constant struggle. All
movies have scenes that explain some element of the story.
Exposition can be very difficult to get across. A good
movie will have scenes that have exposition but are also
dramatic. Stuart talked about how scenes usually start
from option A. The first thing that comes to mind is often
option A. Then you dig deeper and try to find a way to
convey the scene in a more interesting way – option B. The
17
goal is to always have the option C on the page, to have a
unique way to convey a scene that feels original, moves the
story, and doesn’t stagnate. This is especially important
for exposition scenes.
If outlining is a road map for your script, then it is
important to bear in mind that sometimes when plotting your
route, you may still choose roads that should not be taken.
However, some roads you don’t realize you’re taking until
you are on them. Your car gets stuck in a muddy grove not
meant for city folk. Half-breed humans kidnap you. They
do unspeakable things. If you are lucky you escape,
backtrack, and get on the highway. A choice that I made
early on was that I wanted Eli to be flawed, even
unlikable. It’s easier to imagine a story of a character
that is the ideal in every way; someone who makes all the
right choices. But I wanted to do something with a
character who wouldn’t be your first choice to send into
the lion’s den on your behalf. The fate of the world isn’t
always decided by the best and the brightest. I wanted the
representation of humanity to be closer to what it probably
would be – and that wouldn’t be your first choice. In the
treatment, we get the first glimpse of a road that bogged
18
down my story and cost me dearly on one hand, but
ultimately freed me up on another.
19
CHAPTER 5: ALL SYSTEMS ARE GO – DRAFT ONE
By the end of my first semester, I had developed my
premise into an outline, a treatment, a step outline, and
finally the first act. Many of my major beats are still
the same from that beginning process. Because of the
logistics of how we workshopped each other’s work, I went
late in the semester once we started the actual process of
writing the proper script. I followed all the beats in my
outline. I had hoped to have a character that starts off
unlikable but is redeemed by the end.
It starts with a drone robot that dies in the Martian
desert. The drone was working on terraforming Mars. The
mystery is that no one knows why the drone dies and a
mission is needed to restart the terraforming. Eli is our
hero. He is introduced brushing aside a beggar. He goes
home, fights with his wife, goes out to party with women of
low moral fiber, and does drugs. He switches his blood
test out with his rival to get on the mission. We then
meet the crew and Adam, the android. He tells his wife
20
that he is going to Mars and she is upset that he’s
leaving. That gets us to about page 30.
The class thought it was flawed but Stuart opined that
it was “a page one rewrite.” The scenes were too long.
They didn’t have much dramatic tension. Eli was not
likable or relatable. The story was eking along. I
learned the importance of a character introduction scene
here. We are introduced to our hero for the first time
when he is not only rebuffing, but also openly mocking a
homeless man. I understood my script had problems but it
didn’t take the sting out of hearing it should be trashed
and started over.
You can have a flawed character if he is relatable. I
also think that all heroes are flawed, otherwise the story
isn’t interesting. The problem with Eli at this point was
that he was just an asshole with nothing redeemable. Maybe
I should have given him a glimmer of something good. In
the hero myth, you have a hero with a fatal flaw that gets
pushed until he/she can overcome it. Perhaps if I had done
the inverse, he would have been a more interesting
character. If I had shown a righteous quality in an
otherwise bad person, we could follow him easier. In
21
Reservoir Dogs we follow a group of thugs into a robbery.
We follow Mr. White and like him even though he is a
thug/robber because he has righteous honor – a moral code
despite his profession. The movie explores honor amongst
thieves, but I didn’t have anything like this to buoy Eli
at this point.
“Kill your darlings” is a cliché of the program here.
Sometimes you have to cut scenes you love to forward the
script. I did wind up keeping a few things from my
original pages but essentially I did a page one rewrite.
The great lesson in this for me was that I could throw out
an entire act if I had to and still work the same story.
There is something freeing about losing the preciousness of
your writing. If a scene isn’t working, instead of trying
to hammer it in place, I can step back and toss it in the
trash if I need to. In the past I might have worked and
reworked until I felt like it was right. Now I can throw
it out and try to think of option C instead of wallowing in
option A.
At the time, the semester ended and I was dejected.
But I worked over break and wrote the true first draft of
the script. Maybe technically it was a draft two but I
22
hadn’t rewritten the entire script, only the first act. I
wrote a complete story from page one until it ended around
page one hundred and ten, so I’m calling that draft one.
It becomes harder as the drafts go on. I feel that if I
make significant changes and work hard for a while, then it
can legitimately be called a new draft.
In any event, the rewrite definitely was on track. I
had a hook scene for my hero that worked, the story world
was in place, and all the characters gelled a lot better.
Stuart gave me a lot of tools to use in order to organize
my thoughts and push a script forward. Beau Thorne was my
professor in the spring of 2009. Though the script was
heading in the right direction, I would still have to roll
up my sleeves and get down to business.
23
CHAPTER 6: THE PERILS OF A SECOND DRAFT
Just because you spend a lot of time writing something
but then wind up throwing it out, doesn’t mean that you’ve
wasted that time. Sometimes you have to follow a path and
see where it leads. Even after you’ve tossed it you may
bring some elements of what you’ve written back into the
story at a later date. Character interviews are often done
in order to get a better handle on the characters. A lot
of what is written in these never makes it into the story
but having the background can help immensely in knowing how
a character would react in other situations.
In acting, actors will sometimes prepare for a role by
improvising scenes that are implied, or alluded to, by the
material they are doing. They do this to understand the
emotion of the character during that moment so that when
they play other scenes that draw from the character’s past
they will have a better understanding of what the character
might be feeling. I think writing scenes that get tossed,
or doing character studies can be similar for a writer as
improving scenes can be for an actor, even if you were just
24
establishing that a character wouldn’t act a certain way.
Improvising or writing scenes that get cut can give you
that emotional well to draw from.
Beau started our class by talking about how we needed
to be aware of the dual dangers of rewriting. The danger
in feeling free to toss things is that you run the risk of
throwing out good material because it isn’t quite there yet
and starting over rather than polishing it. This is one of
the pitfalls Beau warned us against. “Throwing the baby
out with the bath water,” is the cliché. I witnessed
cohorts do this. They had scenes that just needed a little
reconfiguring but instead they trashed them completely and
started over. Another related problem is having fatigue
with the material. This might cause you to throw out good
scenes simply because you are bored with having to rewrite
the same thing over and over. Beau’s other warning was not
to be too attached to what you have. It’s a fine balance
between the two.
Finding the note beneath the note is also an important
skill. In a workshop setting you get all kinds of
opinions. Sometimes someone will hint at problems rather
than address them directly. Other times it is criticism
25
that just comes from someone’s own personal taste. If you
are writing a romantic comedy and someone hates romantic
comedies, then their notes about changing the story to be a
murder mystery are pretty useless. Sometimes it’s hard to
articulate exactly what’s wrong. Other times you get
wildly differing reactions to a scene. Knowing how to
traverse this minefield of criticism is a skill in and of
itself.
One tricky thing about writing is being able to
recognize if the idea is flawed and should be abandoned or
if it just needs the usual work that any screenplay needs.
I had another cohort who was attached to an idea that never
got an enthusiastic response but he was so attached to the
idea that he pursued it relentlessly. Maybe there was
something there that the rest of us hadn’t seen yet and it
would come out in the end, but maybe it just wasn’t an idea
that had wings. Sometimes you have an idea that everyone
is wowed by. More often than not, some people like it and
others don’t. For those situations you just write and hope
that in the very least it makes you a better writer.
All these questions are ones that I had about
Extinction and tried to navigate through. I got a lot of
26
positive feedback, so I felt like something was there, but
I knew it still wasn’t where it needed to be. I tend to
overwrite my scenes. I think it is probably better to have
too much material rather than too little but it needed work
all the same. I had a lot of drama with the crew in the
ship. I had grand death scenes for just about every one of
the crewmates. Notes I had before my draft was completed
conveyed people being wary of a two-hour movie with just a
man and a robot. But after the first draft, my cohorts
seemed to feel that those scenes were the best ones. They
wanted more of them. Beau’s suggestion was to get Eli and
the robot alone together by the end of act one.
I had 60 pages of exposition and character detail up
until that point. One criticism I received was that we
were acquainted with all these characters who all were then
killed off – with the two exceptions of the main
characters. So why invest so much time with these guys,
especially when it becomes clear that the real story is
about Eli and Adam (the robot)? My task was to do as much
short hand as possible. I needed to show the world so that
we could see what we were losing, kill off all the
27
secondary characters, and get my exposition done all in one
act. No small feat for a sci-fi film.
Beau introduced us to the idea of sequences. This
became an invaluable tool in the writing process. Act 2
has been a graveyard of many scripts for me. Outlining
definitely would help with some of the problems but
sequencing helped to break things down further. They
provided manageable chunks to work in. The idea is that
there are two sequences in Act 1, four in Act 2, and two in
Act 3. By plotting out the specifics of a sequence within
the overall story, it became much easier to move from point
to point and finish an act.
My script ended with Eli finding a space station with
other survivors. He meets them and everyone is excited.
He passes out from exhaustion and hunger. When he wakes
up, they are all gathered around him. He exclaims upon
seeing them and then we fade out. A lot of my peers felt
unsatisfied with this ending. They felt like the script
has so much darkness in it that we should get something
positive in the end. I rewrote the ending with Eli finding
his daughter onboard. His ordeal has this positive reunion
28
to boon the viewer. I tried to make it uplifting without
having it pander too much and I felt good about it.
By the end of the Spring 2009 semester, I had a
screenplay I was proud of. My peers gave me a lot of good
feedback and generally reacted positively toward the final
product. I felt like it was a very strong draft and I was
ready to move on to other projects. I begin sending the
script out to different contests and waiting for all the
money, prizes, and accolades to roll in. When they didn’t,
I said to myself, “Well those contests are a crapshoot
anyway” – which they are, but…
At the beginning of my internship, I submitted my
script to a couple of friends who hadn’t read it and to
some students willing to read it (they were also at the
internship). I got lukewarm reviews. I read it again to
see for myself, now that some time had passed and found
that the characters had great moments but the script lagged
in some places and still didn’t have a satisfying
resolution. There was still something episodic about it.
It was too much to hope that I would have an excellent
screenplay after only two drafts. My dad has a book of
William Blake’s poems and his working drafts that preceded
29
them. The second draft of one of his poems had a word
crossed out and substituted with another word but the final
version had it restored to the original first draft. So,
I’m not William Blake.
30
CHAPTER 7: THE FINAL EXTINCTION
I begin my third draft for my thesis project but I’m
sure it won’t be my final despite the chapter title.
Stuart helped me identify a number of problems. The
biggest one was that the beats were not strong enough which
is why it felt episodic. I needed to have a clearer goal
for Eli. It had to be centered on finding the space
station. Everything that happens needed to be motivated by
his drive for this.
I changed Adam’s name to Alex because it felt clichéd
to have the first functional android with that name. There
is a story with the title I, Robot by Eando Binder. It was
written in 1939 and was very influential to Isaac Asimov
who published a collection of robot stories with the same
title. In it, his robot is named Adam, and thus began a
trend of naming robots Adam. I’m still a little on the
fence about it because it works, but my audience is sci-fi
nerds and I think it won’t appeal to them. It seems like a
small detail, but it is one of my main characters. From
31
here on out, if you see Alex written, know that it is the
same character as Adam.
Stuart echoed Beau by telling me to keep all the great
character moments – “Don’t throw out the baby with the bath
water.” For all my trimming and short hand, I over
stripped the exposition. In my first draft I had too much
of the crew reacting and getting killed. I tried to have
Eli and Adam’s relationship develop sooner by cramming
everything into act one. It was better, but still didn’t
work. So now I pulled back a little and allowed more time
to develop the exposition. I added a few scenes to better
explain the world. It pushes the disaster into Act 2, but
it starts with the act break so I think it still works.
Though Eli and Alex have a lot of good moments, I
think they have more resonance in context with Eli’s
relationship with his ex-wife and daughter. They are the
two characters with whom he had the most emotional
connection on Earth. It was important to give the audience
a good understanding of what those relationships entailed
so that we could understand how he relates to Alex once all
other humans are gone. The daughter had a scene with Eli
but I needed something with the ex-wife. I had a brief
32
scene with her that I made longer to give us a better
picture of their relationship. This rounded out Eli a
little more and we get to see what he gave up in life and
what he lost once the disaster hit.
I also wanted this story to have a sense of humans as
machines. I tried to have parallel physical problems that
Eli experiences while Alex’s has his own. I also wanted to
raise questions about both of their mental states. I
wanted the audience to question the logic of both
characters. I didn’t want to give a definitive answer on
which character was right or wrong but give space for
audiences to think about how we navigate in the world in
much the same way as a complex robot might.
33
CHAPTER 8: CONCLUSION
I have definitely brought the script closer to where
it needs to be, but writing is an ongoing process. Walt
Whitman wrote Leaves of Grass until the day he died. At
some point you have to pronounce a project done and move
on. I don’t want to be working on this project for the
rest of my life, and I do feel like I can see the light at
the end of the tunnel.
My experiences at UT have pushed me to be a stronger
writer. I feel like I can approach a project now and not
get overwhelmed by the scope of writing a screenplay. In
LA, everybody has a screenplay to peddle. Understanding
the process and how to approach screenwriting will
undoubtedly give me a leg up.
Extinction has come a long way since I first dreamt up
the idea of an astronaut who peels the layers of existence
away with a monkey. And even though I feel like writing a
process paper like this is a little like throwing yourself
a surprise party, walking through the process has reminded
34
me of all the tools I’ve gained while working on this
project.
35
Appendix A: Pitch
Introduction –
I got this idea from a simple thought experiment. One
that I think everyone has done at some point in his or her
life. That is to ask the question, “If I could live at
anytime in human history when would it be?” For me the
answer unequivocally is at the end. I want to know how it
ends. I want to know what the final destination for our
species is. Are we going to evolve into a higher form of
life? Are we going to die from a natural disaster? Or,
are we going to destroy ourselves? Now that last one is
the one I think most people would say will happen and
that’s what I’m exploring.
But I’m cheating a little, because this is ultimately
a story about redemption – finding compassion. Technically
it’s not the end but rather a turning point, only because
at the end of our story I’m giving our species a second
chance. That’s the big picture but let me tell you a
little about our story.
36
Story -
Our story takes place, of course, in the future. The
Earth is overpopulated. Mars is being terraformed by
robots but something goes wrong. The bacteria sent to
Mars, meant to jump-start the atmospheric process, starts
mutating and dying and the robots all malfunction and stop
working. So a crew is sent to investigate. The trip takes
8 months to get there. One night, while the ship is on
autopilot and the Android, Adam, is monitoring things. The
crew is suddenly awakened. A catastrophe has happened on
Earth. A huge explosion has ripped it’s crust forcing
magma into the sky which freezes instantly once it reaches
space and shoots debris in every direction. The atmosphere
on Earth is devastated. It becomes a planet of fire with
such intense heat no life could remain. The first wave
crashes into the ship damaging it. The crew votes Eli to
spacewalk out to the rotator and repair the damage. While
he’s out there the second wave hits and it smashes open the
shuttle sucking all crew into space, killing them
instantly, with the sole exception of Adam. Eli is the
last person alive.
37
Execution tone –
Let’s talk a little about the tone. This is a little
bit like Castaway in space only with a harder edge.
Everyone loves Tom Hanks. Eli is no Tom Hanks. He is more
of a Robert Downey Jr. He has got charisma, but he is
selfish and arrogant. This is an introspective film but it
has some action and is a genre piece in the tradition of
some of the more thoughtful episodes of Battlestar
Galatica, STTNG, and 2001.
Conclusion-
Our story plays out in the relationship between Eli
and Adam. They have a contentious relationship because
Adam is driven by the mission to Mars and Eli caught up in
his own ego and wallows in self pity. Ultimately Eli is
forced to face his own selfishness and learn what it means
to have compassion for all life. Adam represents the
ultimate in human achievement but he is not human. Through
his isolation Eli comes to love Adam and in turn long for
the existence of any life – he loves all life. In the end
he restarts the terraforming process which gives hope
toward a new age of evolution. But only after Adam falls
apart and is no longer functioning. Eli goes back to Earth
to search for the space ark. He arrives starving and thin.
In the climax he find the habitat. But his ship has run
out of fuel. He suits up, straps Adam to his back and
launches out toward the habitat. He narrowly finds the bay
hatch and crawls inside just before his oxygen is gone. As
he gasps for air the interior doors open and he discovers
38
the last of humanity. They fix Adam, he’s reunited, and
they return to Mars.
39
Appendix B: Dead Planet Graffle outline
40
Appendix C: Mars Awaken Graffle outline
41
Astrophysist / Android
Commander
Pilot
Psychologist / Medical Officer
Geologist
Programmer (Robotic Engineer) – Hye
Programmer (Computer Scientist) – Eli
Geneticist Botantist - Abhirati
Why are they sending a manned
mission to mars? The process of
terraforming has already begun. The
drones have stopped working for some
reason and the bacteria meant to start
the initial stages has genetic problems.
The team is going to find out why and
facilitate the process then they are
supposed to return to earth
Hope: They survive and repopulate
Fear: Humankind and all known life
cease
Goal: Restore life
42
Appendix D: Mars Outline
Act I
A problem with the terraforming of Mars forces a manned
mission to the planet. Expecting to return in a year,
geneticist Eli Long says goodbye to his family and is
launched into space with Adam – a sophisticated android.
The mission goes smoothly until an abrupt explosion
destroys the earth. Eli’s grief is short lived, as he has
to survive the shockwave of the blast. He immediately
radios to possible survivors but receives no responses.
The ship is badly damaged and blown off course. He
contemplates investigating what’s left of earth but sees no
hope in that endeavor. He crawls out onto the shuttle and
manually adjusts the thrusters before he is too far off
course. Finally, they arrive at Mars.
Act II
At Mars, he is unable to commit to landing. His shuttle
satellites the planet and he uses the medicinal supply of
drugs on board to self medicate. Despondent, he slashes
his wrists but is saved by Adam. Adam assumes command
while Eli recovers. He lands on Mars and begins setting up
the biodome. Eli lives and works in the biodome. He
investigates and solves the issue with the bacteria that
was part of the terraforming process. Adam fixes the
drones. Eli spends the rest of his time scanning earth to
try and find possible survivors and to discover what
happened. At last he locates the space habitat – he
43
thought would be destroyed in the blast. There are no
emissions from it and he is unable to tell if people on it
are alive or dead.
Act III
After deliberation he decides to go to the habitat. He
uses the Earth Return Vehicle, left on Mars in anticipation
of his initial mission to return to earth. Fearing the
worse (it’s a one way trip), he leaves Adam behind to start
life on Mars. Eli barely survives the trip through the new
asteroids. He finds the habitat battered but stable. On
board there are survivors. The vessel is not capable of
staying in its new hostile environment. He helps devise a
plan to repopulate the species and to bring the habitat to
Mars where it will be able to operate safely.
44
Appendix E: Dead Planet Treatment
Act I
Opening Visual – The earth beautiful and large basks in the
warmth of the sun. It is perfect and blue with wisps of
white ribbon actively marbling it as it spins. But as it
turns darkness engulfs it. The planet slowly loses all
color as one side turns out of the light until finally
there is only a sliver lit by the sun, then nothing.
A long tunnel resembling a subway tunnel holds a
single set of thick tubular tracks. A man wearing a white
lab suit stands at the end of a platform peering down the
seemingly endless track. It glows softly with a blue
light. He types into his personal data device then turns
satisfied and walks along the platform. He disappears
behind a rocket the size of a bus. There is Hindi writing
on the rocket. Inside the rocket, beneath a sleek
astronaut suit, Agni is typing into a touch terminal. He
methodically flicks switches and answers commands given in
Hindi.
Outside a group of mostly Indian spectators sit in a
make shift stadium waiting anxiously. A young woman
watches through binoculars. She can see off in the
distance a launch tube protruding from the tunnel. An
announcer is talking in Hindi. Giving out details of the
launch and progress.
Inside, the tunnel runway lights up. Mission control
is buzzing with an army of engineers and scientists
coordinating their efforts. Agni presses a button and
45
settles into his seat, exhaling nervously. He waits as
mission control ticks through each of their procedures. A
low hum gently shakes the building. The rocket starts to
move. Agni braces as speed picks up and the blue lights of
the track all bleed into one continuous streak. The rocket
shakes violently as Agni hurtles toward a literal light at
the end of the tunnel.
The rocket explodes out into the sky. The jets ignite
just after it is pushed into the air. Inside Agni gets a
reading that disturbs him. One of the gauges springs
dangerously high. He speaks with panic and mission control
works feverishly to analyze the problem. A crack forms
along the side of the rocket as it rises higher into the
sky. Plumes of white smoke trail the rocket innocently.
The gauge tops out and Agni screams out at mission control.
The ship explodes into a million little pieces to the gasps
and cries of spectators.
Eli Newman presents to a committee of scientists. He
stands in front of a screen pointing to various parts of
enlarged bacteria. The panel tries to follow along but he
is being highly technical and little smug.
“You’ve given us a lot to digest here,” states Russell
flatly. “Why don’t we consider your proposal and pending
our further research into the matter we’ll send it on to
the W.A.C.”
“You do that,” Eli says and the image flicks off behind
him.
The group breaks and Eli is met in the hall by Adeline
Thompson. He slows and lets his eyes wash over her. They
46
walk together side by side in a strained professional
manner.
“I don’t suppose you’ve heard the news,” she says.
“I haven’t.”
Dr. Tuttle approaches them, “Dr. Thompson, I really need
you to…”
She interrupts, “not now, catch me in my office after 2.”
She waves him off and he slinks away. “I was saying, the
Indian launch was a catastrophe.” They stop.
“How so?”
“The rocket exploded in mid air. The mass driver
technology is still young. They really screwed up. It may
even have been sabotage.”
He considers, “So what does that mean for me?”
She laughs, “Well, you’re 4th on the list, so if two more
rockets explode you’re on your way.”
He rolls his eyes, “Great. Let me know when you have any
real news.” They start to walk again.
“Anyway,” she says, “I’m hungry. I thought I’d have you
for lunch.”
He smiles, “Again? People might start to talk.”
She says, “Then we’ll have to do it in private.”
Eli arrives home. His wife, Helen, is waiting at the
door. As soon as he enters he sees a luggage bag packed.
He protests but she has made up her mind. They argue until
it devolves into him begging her to stay. His selfishness
has taken its toll on her. It’s bad enough he is gone for
months on various Mars simulators but even in his free time
she comes second. Eli promises things will change and
47
swears to do whatever it takes. Helen is nearly convinced
as they embrace. But she smells the perfume of another
woman on him. He’s lost her.
Dr. Tuttle meets with Adeline. He presents evidence
that the atmosphere on Mars is getting worse. The bacteria
used for initial terraforming is dying at an increased
rate. Now that the Indian launch was unsuccessful, time is
of the essence or the whole project will be ruined and they
will have to start the process again. She takes this new
evidence directly to the International Space Organization.
The organization is in agreement.
Catalyst- Eli is called to meet with The International
Space Organization. The Japanese geneticist was in a car
accident. It will be months before he has healed. The
German was to go but they gave him an immediate physical
and found cancer. Eli is next in line. He’s going to
Mars.
He’ll be gone for a year and a half. It’s what he’s
waited for all his life but he’s not as happy as he thought
he’d be. He contacts Helen and pleads for their reunion.
It’s a long time apart for a committed couple and an
eternity for one on the rocks. She refuses.
Eli meets with Adam. He is a small android developed
by the Japanese. He is almost perfectly lifelike. He has
the appearance of a young man and moves like a teenage boy
having not quite gotten used to his body. Eli is curt and
makes no pretense of pleasantries. Adam is an android, a
tool, nothing more. They go through a battery of run-
48
throughs. Eli has been preparing for this a long time and
is as capable as ever.
There isn’t time to build a heavy life launch vehicle.
Adam and Eli are flown to the International Space Center.
From there they are take a rotating Variable Specific
Impulse Magnetoplasma Rocket and launch toward Mars. The
trip will take longer but they’ll still get there sooner
than if they wait for a ground rocket to be prepared.
Adam controls the ship and Eli takes naps in a
hibernation chamber for weeks at a time while the shuttle
drifts toward Mars. He wakes and runs diagnostic tests on
Adam to make sure he is function properly. Then he checks
all systems. Finally he checks in with IASA (International
Aeronautics and Space Administration).
“The drones on Mars are failing. We believe that it
is because of the mutated bacteria they work so closely
with. That is somehow causing increased oxidization on
them and corroding their systems.”
“Well I’ll find out if the mutated bacteria is capable
of that. In terms of fixing the drones, that will be up to
Adam.” Eli says.
“We’ve already updated his mission.”
Turning Point #1- Eli sleeps in the hibernation chamber.
Adam wakes him prematurely. He’s confused and not quite
awake. There is something wrong with Earth. “Huh?” He
struggles for consciousness. The earth has had a
catastrophe. Eli pulls on a jump suit and goes to the
command console. He sends a radio message out, but
receives no response. He demands Adam clarify things.
49
“Earth is dead. The planet is barren.” Adam shows him
video from their telescope. It is of a red and black
planet, pulsing with gases like a dark Jupiter. “An
unknown destructive force has impacted the planet and it’s
shockwave will hit us in 6 minutes.
Act II
The shockwave crashes into the ship sending it
spiraling out of control. Adam cuts the engine and
attempts to seal off the ship’s parts leaking oxygen. Eli
puts on a suit and must climb out onto the shuttle and
dislodge debris stuck in the thrusters. The ship nearly
bucks him off.
Eli is overcome with grief. He searches the
surrounding space frantically but can’t find any clues or
survivors. One thing is clear, the earth as he knew it is
gone. He contemplates flying back and investigating but
knows he’ll run out of fuel and food. He is destined for
Mars.
The correct they’re course and take stock of what they
have. Most of it is space stuff, which Eli has no use for.
But he knows that he doesn’t have an infinite supply of
food and no way of growing it. Medical supplies as well
are thin at best.
They fly despondently through space with Adam insuring
the mission is on track. Eli stares out the port-hole and
injects himself with pain killers. When not there he is at
the console scanning earth. After months, they finally
50
arrive at mars, but Eli refuses to land. They satellite
Mars aimlessly. Eli continues to inject the painkillers.
Midpoint - Eli lies with his head in his arms at the
console, broken and unshaven. He gets up and climbs into
the closet and pulls out a small knife. He slits his
wrists and waits while the blood drains from his body. It
spurts with each heartbeat and covers his jumpsuit like a
Pollack painting.
Just as blackness washes over him Adam finds him and
furiously works to stop the bleeding. He ties him to a bed
and sets up a blood transfusion. Adam is officially in
command. He guides the ship to the landing zone on Mars.
Adam begins setting up the biodome and he hides the
painkillers. He gives Eli psychological evaluations much
to Eli’s chagrin. The notion that he may be trapped under
Adam’s “care” indefinitely moves Eli to agree to finish the
mission.
During the day he works on discovering way the
bacteria is mutating and in the evening he scans earth.
Finally he finds the space habitat but it is badly damaged.
He is unable to tell if it is still functional. In the
very least, it doesn’t respond to radio communication.
He diligently works analyzing the bacteria and trying
to communicate with the space habitat. He finds that there
is a genetic defect in the bacteria causing it to lose its
ability to resist the Martian radiation over time. He can
grow out that defect.
While scanning the habitat, Eli finds a flicker that
looks potential man-made.
51
Turning Point #2 - Eli makes the decision to leave Adam on
Mars to restart life. Adam equipped with Eli’s “cure” can
solve the issues of the bacteria and renew terrraforming.
It will give Mars the foundation for an environment in
which the potential for life could evolve beyond the
bacteria.
Act III
Eli takes the Earth Return Vehicle and launches back
toward the dead planet. He is unable to find any more
indication of life but is tireless in his research. He
figures out that he doesn’t have the fuel to reach the
habitat but can use Earth’s gravity to whip him toward it.
Upon arriving he sling shots around Earth getting a
close view of the black planet that he once called home.
His fuel runs out and he sits in the shuttle powerless to
control its’ trajectory. He is going to miss it. He has
one chance.
It its’ closest range, he can launch himself from
inside the shuttle and propel himself toward the habitat.
From there he’ll have to crawl around and find an entrance.
He uses the suction of escaping air to push him toward it,
but alas, he is a geneticist not an astrophysicist, his
trajectory is still off.
Climax – He floats through space watching his shuttle
disappear in the blackness and the habitat innocently float
bye. His air begins to run out as it spins revealing to
him a perfectly intact tree, thriving and growing.
Listless in space his oxygen leaves him but he is
rescued by a solar power droid and brought to the habitat.
52
As the door opens he gasps for air and cries out. He is
astounded to see the last surviving humans alive.
53
Appendix F: Mars Step outline
Act I
1. Mars malfunctions.
2. Eli travels home.
3. Eli’s wife, Helen, leaves him.
4. Dr. Thompson gets evidence of Mars disaster.
5. International Space Organization agrees to send a team
of scientist to investigate.
6. Eli parties to deal with his broken marriage.
7. Catalyst - The next morning, Eli is called to test to
go on the Mars mission.
8. Eli has drugs in his system from partying, so he
cheats on the physical.
9. Eli is not chosen to go to Mars.
10. Eli gets a device to fry electronic circuits from
a distance.
11. Eli uses device to sabotage the car of the
astronaut who is taking his place, injuring him.
12. Dr. Thompson tells Eli he’s going to Mars.
13. Eli meets with the android Adam, and the rest of
the crew.
14. They train.
15. Donald, the captain of the mission, antagonizes
Eli.
16. Eli contacts Helen and tries to reconcile, but
she refuses.
17. The crew takes a shuttle to the International
Space Station III.
54
18. Eli looks at the space habitat through the space
station telescope.
19. The crew launch off toward Mars.
20. While traveling, they fall into a comfortable
routine.
21. Turning Point #1 – The Earth is destroyed.
Act II
22. Asteroids from Earth damage the shuttle.
23. Eli reluctantly helps fix interior.
24. Eli is forced to go out onto the ship and fix the
damage outside.
25. An asteroid causes the death of the rest of the
human crew.
26. Adam saves Eli.
27. Adam gets the ship back on track to Mars.
28. Eli mourns.
29. Adam and Eli go over the ship’s inventory
including medical supplies.
30. Eli starts to eat Holiday rations.
31. Eli searches for survivors finds none.
32. Eli takes pain killers from the meds.
33. Adam confronts Eli about taking pain killers.
34. Adam hides the drugs.
35. Eli has a tantrum and tares up the ship until he
finds them.
36. Eli discovers personal files of the crew on VR
machine.
37. Adam does all ship duties.
55
38. Eli makes Adam play cards with him.
39. Eli gets lonely looking at crew’s personal
videos. – Something with Donald
40. Eli makes a sexual advance toward Adam.
41. They arrive Mars and orbit.
42. Midpoint - Eli tries to commit suicide - Adam
saves him.
43. Adam lands on Mars.
44. Adam sets up biodome.
45. He nurses Eli back to heal.
46. Eli awakes healthy and starts to contribute.
47. Adam finds damaged drones on Mars.
48. Adam starts having mechanical problems.
49. Eli searches for survivors.
50. Eli discovers problem with terraforming.
51. Adam deteriorates.
52. Eli finds Brazilian Habitat but it looks dead.
53. Eli works to repair Adam.
54. Eli’s rations begin to run out.
55. Eli tries to communicate with habitat but it
doesn’t answer.
56. Eli figures out how to modify bacteria to fix
terraforming problem.
57. Adam malfunctions permanently.
58. Eli reinitializes terraforming process.
59. Turning point #2 - Eli decides to leave Mars.
Act III
60. He launches off toward the habitat.
56
61. He studies how to repair Adam.
62. He tries and fails again, to communicate with the
Habitat.
63. His rations run out.
64. He fails in repairing Adam.
65. Starving, he devises a way to grow algae to eat.
66. Asteroids damage the ship – ruining his fuel
supply.
67. He uses Earth’s gravity to whip toward the
habitat.
68. He finds the Habitat, but his trajectory is off.
69. Climax - He straps Adam to his back and launches
himself out of the shuttle to the habitat.
70. He finds the hanger bay.
71. He gets the inner door open.
72. He finds humans.
73. They fix Adam.
74. They restart life on Mars.
57
Appendix G: Mars Cheat Sheet
Character list and jobs:
Taring Commander / pilot /
Astrophysist
Baca Colonel / pilot /
Astrophysist
Su Robotic Engineer
Eli Computer Scientist
Kentie Geneticist
Oates Medical Officer
Tarlo Geologist
Abhirati Botantist
Adam Android / All jobs
Ships Interior:
Cockpit/Head
Kitchen/Medical Area
Lab/Workshop
Garden/rec room
Bay
Crew Quarters
Expandable Wing (rec room, lounge)
Technologies of Importance:
-Matter/energy transfluxer (not in story yet – can add if I need
to take fuel out of the equation)
-Algae oxygen tanks (filters carbon and puts oxygen back into the
air)
58
Appendix H: Extinction Rewrite Pitch
Pitch:
This story is about the last man alive and his relationship
to an android. It’s not just any robot; this is an android
who is the physical embodiment of humankind’s achievements.
He is meant to replace a host of technical advisors who
can’t fit on the ship. He is the culmination of our
species greatest technology. The earth is destroyed, the
crew all die, only Eli can decide what fate awaits our
species. Adam is key in helping Eli realize what his duty.
Adam reminds Eli what it is to be human and Eli has to rise
to the occasion and in turn teach Adam.
Reel by reel:
1. *Open –
Training – Su and Eli face off.
Picking up Olivia – meet the family Eli leaves behind.
Dome – Eli and Olivia bond.
Fusion Geo Plant – Meltdown
Dome explosion – the beginning of the end, Eli saves
Olivia.
Medical Center - Helen picks up Olivia and dad leaves.
2. Launch Center – Meet the crew, Eli’s on it. They have
to leave in 23 hours.
Tech lab- Meet Adam, the everyman crewman.
*Launch Center - Eli wants to take a break to say goodbye
to his family, but he can’t because there isn’t enough
time. He’ll have to call them.
59
The goodbye call
Launch tunnel – they launch from earth
In space they pass the habitat
They get gravity
*Meal time – they haze Eli by getting him to eat the sludge
produced by the oxygen tanks. He beats the record for must
eaten. It’s practically inedible.
Eli fixes temp system malfunction while Su sits around.
The crew, without Eli, discuss minor glitches and loss of
communication with earth.
Adam is unpacked
3. The crew is awaken – earth is destroyed.
The crew are stunned, shocked, and grieving. Su and Eli
fight over Adam – *Eli doesn’t throw the wrench just yells
at him.
Oates prepares for suicide.
The Captain and Tarlo talk about asteroids and options.
Oates commits suicide, causes a power surge damaging the
rockets.
Crew await asteroids
1st wave hits damages gravity arm.
*Someone needs to fix the arm. Su orders Eli to go.
Eli goes out and the crew is killed by a huge asteroid.
Adam pulls Eli in.
4. Eli and Adam repair ship as quickly as possible. They
have to set up a new cockpit because the old one is
inoperable. It takes days.
60
*Eli searches space for crew that may be floating around.
Adam thinks they are all dead. Eli doesn’t give up.
Denial.
*Eli hasn’t slept in days, he ends his desperate search,
realizing the crew is dead.
*More debris comes toward them and they are forced to go
toward Mars and away from earth.
*Eli scans earth and the surrounding space for signs of
life. There is nothing but silence.
*Eli passes out from lack of sleep. Adam convinces him to
rest.
*Eli sleeps for a little while then wakes. He is upset
when Adam still hasn’t found any signs of life. He blames
Adam.
*Eli runs out of options, capitulates to Adam’s insistence
on focusing on the Martian mission. Eli gets Henry, who is
still inactive. He places him on the table next to his bed
and stares longingly as he slowly falls asleep.
Eli is depressed, in bed. Adam refocuses the mission.
They discuss survival and inventory. Eli finds out about
drugs.
5. Some time later. Henry the dog trots through the empty
ship until he finds Eli, medicated working on the oxygen
tanks
Eli plays with the dog and asks Adam where the painkillers
are.
Adam shows him and Eli begins taking them. Adam starts to
show glitches.
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Eli’s drugged up ignoring ship’s duties and rummaging
through crews stuff. Adam has a surprise for him.
Eli’s birthday party, Adam offers sexual companionship.
Adam hides Eli’s drugs. Eli demands them and threatens
Adam physically. Adam hides and forces Eli to go cold
turkey.
*Eli is sick with withdrawal. He is unable to do anything.
Adam nurses him.
Eli is better but he’s mad at Adam. Food rations are low.
6. Eli agrees to help Adam fix the ship if Adam will leave
Eli alone the next day.
Eli helps but a lot of work needs to be done still.
They figure out why the thrusters still don’t work. Then
Adam and Eli play the butterfly game.
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Vita
Noah Zisman is from Fredericksburg, Va, where he
learned to skip a rock across the very river where George
Washington stood as a boy. He completed his first
Bachelor’s in English from Bard College in 1995. He got a
second Bachelor’s in Moving Image Arts from the College of
Santa Fe. He has worked in the film industry and as a web
designer since 1994. He is married to a true lady of high
moral fiber and stunning beauty. And, though he did
nothing to deserve it, he has the best little gray dog in
the world.
Permanent address: 3101 Jacona Cir., Santa Fe, NM, 87507
This report was typed by the author.
