Communication Skills Using Nlp - Activities

8/8/2019 Communication Skills Using Nlp - Activities

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COMMUNICATION SKILLS

USING NLP

Aim

To provide you with the practical skills and knowledge tocommunicate more effectively and to enhance and developyour interaction with others using NLP techniques

Objectives

On completion of the training you should be able to:~

1. Explain what is meant by rapport and the benefits

of developing a good rapport with others

2. State the different methods of communication

3. Distinguish between matching and mirroring body language

4. List the advantages and disadvantages of matching and mirroring techniques

5. Explain how to match voice tone to develop rapport

6. Demonstrate how to develop good rapport using

NLP techniques


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7. Recognise a persons predominant communicationchannel when they speak

8. Analyse your predominant communication channel

9. Illustrate how you can match a persons predominant VAK channel using verbal and non-

verbal communication

10. Recognise a persons predominant communicationchannel by observing their eye movements

11. Specify the main advantages of observing apersons eye movements to improve communication

12. Explain how to use eye cues to develop rapport

13.Demonstrate how pacing and leading will enableyou to get the response you want during interactionwith others

14.Create your unique VAK anchor to enable you tocommunicate effectively in a variety of situationsand establish a more receptive response fromothers


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15.Use constructive feedback to action plan thetransfer of skills and knowledge acquired into theworkplace

Icebreaker

Genie and the Lamp

Activity

You have just found a magic lamp and true to the fairytale you rub it anda genie appears. This is no ordinary genie and although he grantsyou three wishes you are only allowed wishes which affectchange in you, your boss, your job or the people around you.

Please write your three wishes below:~

1.

2.

3.

You will be asked to read out your wish list and the reasons why youhave selected the changes written.


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Activity 1

Benefits of Good Rapport

Activity

Please consider the following questions and write your answer in the spacebelow:~

1. What do you think is meant by rapport?

2. What are the benefits or advantages of having a good rapport withothers?


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Activity 1/answer

Benefits of Good Rapport

You may have answered:~

1. What do you think is meant by rapport?

The ability to connect with other people at all levels.

Developing sensitivity to what people are telling us, not only regardingwhat they say but how they say it.True rapport is a two-way street and it is often the ability to put yourselfinto others shoes and appreciate situations from others perspectives.Rapport is influence.Those who are successful in being able to influence people andsituations expect to have rapport with anyone with whom they come intocontact.They have learned intuitively or consciously to match the style of thepeople with whom they are dealing. But not only are they able toinfluence they are open to influence.

2. What are the benefits or advantages of having a good rapport with others?

improved communication

enhances relationships

being on the same wavelength

common interests

a way to understand and be understood

ability to enter into each others worlds

mutual interests

same sense of humour

gain co-operation of others


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Activity 2

RapportActivity

Please consider what happens when you have rapport with others andanswer the following:~

When you have rapport with someone, what does it feel like? Whathappens?e.g. good eye contact

What happens when there is no rapport with someone, what does it feel like?What happens? e.g. arguing


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Activity 2/answer

Rapport


When you have rapport with someone, what does it feel like? Whathappens?e.g. good eye contact

Body language matched or mirrored

Touching

Standing quite close to each other

Laughing together

Verbal agreement

Easy two-way conversation

Feeling comfortable, open and relaxed


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What happens when there is no rapport with someone, what does it feel like?What happens? e.g. arguing

Defensive body language: for example, hands on hips, armscrossed

No eye contact

Not talking very much or at all

Raised voices

Feeling uncomfortable, closed

Standing away from each other

Activity 3

Getting the Message Across

Activity

Match each communication element to its percentage. Write yourresults in the boxes:~

BODY LANGUAGE IS%IN THE COMMUNICATION

TONE OF VOICE IS%IN THE COMMUNICATION


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Activity 3/answer

Getting the Message Across

The following figures may surprise you ~ but think of a young child whohas not yet learned to talk and yet they know if an adult is angry, upset,happy or frightened. How? By observing body language and listeningto the adults tone of voice they have 93% of the message withouthaving to understand any words!

BODYLANGUAGE

55

TONE OF VOICE38%

WORDS

WORDS ARE%IN THE COMMUNICATION


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Activity 4

Communication ~ Body Language

Activity

Discuss the following and write your responses in the boxes provided ~

Try to remember a time when you were in a meeting or interview thatwas going really well

How did you feel?

What did you notice about your own body language and that of the otherperson?

Tone is made up of voice pitch, speed of speaking, pauses, loudness of voice, hard/soft tone,firm/uncertain voice, emphasis and is used to measure the feeling of the individual about thecontent of the communication and the view of the other person.

Words ~ Bandler & Grindler (1976) reported the verbal component is the least interesting andleast influential part of communication.

Body language is made up from: bearing and posture, eye contact, expression on face,hand/arm gestures, breathing, observance of personal space needs and shows attitudes and

values of the person e.g. self respect and level of respect for others, emotional state, honestyand integrity and belief in the message.


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Activity 4/answer

Communication ~ Body Language


Try to remember a time when you were in a meeting or interview thatwas going really well

How did you feel?

You may have felt comfortable, relaxed, open

What did you notice about your own body language and that of the otherperson?

You may have noticed that your body language was open ~ that you hadgood eye contact and your posture relaxed etc

You may have noticed that the body language of the other personmatched yours. MATCHED OR MIRRORED body language is a sign ofrapport being present. It is far easier to achieve mutually beneficialoutcomes when you have rapport with someone.


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Activity 5

Matching and MirroringBody Language

It is important to highlight the subtle difference between matching andmirroring to help you develop the awareness of both techniques.

Activity

Please consider what the difference between matching and mirroringsomeones behaviour might be and write your response below:~

The difference between matching and mirroring is..

It is also important that when you are reading the other persons verbal andnon-verbal communication it is done in a subtle, elegant and ethical way.There are ways that you can ensure it is not viewed as mimicry or imitation by

matching the persons behaviour in different ways.

Activity

Consider some of the different ways in which you can match the otherpersons behaviour using subtle techniques:~


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Activity 5/answer

Matching and MirroringBody Language

Please consider what the difference between matching and mirroringsomeones behaviour might be and write your response below:~

You may have said:~

The difference between matching and mirroring is TIMING. Mirroringis the physical and instantaneous matching of the other persons bodylanguage. Matching often should have a time delay factor.

Consider some of the different ways in which you can match the otherpersons behaviour using subtle techniques:~

1 Cross-matching you could match another persons behaviourwith a corresponding but different behaviour of your own. Forexample, every time they fold their arms you could cross yourlegs, or you could touch your hair every time they are pulling theirear lobe. If they blink rapidly, you could discretely tap your fingerat the same rate as they are blinking. You could also use handgestures to pace someones breathing or tilt your shoulder asthey tilt their head.

2 Cross-over matching you could match the other persons

behaviour with a matched behaviour of your own at a differenttime. For example, if they cross their legs when they speak, you


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could cross your legs when you speak. When they lift theireyebrow, you could lift yours a few seconds later.

Ending the communication

Mis-matching when you want the conversation or the communicationto stop. Break eye contact, turn your body away from the other person,breathe faster or slow in contrast to theirs. This will break rapport andthe communication will stop. Hopefully you can end the process in astate of rapport!

Activity 6

Advantages & Disadvantages ofMatching and Mirroring

We like people who are like us. Any observable behaviour can be mirrored ormatched and reflect back to the other person the signals they are giving you.You will create a comfortable environment for them and the more you connectwith the other person on a deeper level the better your rapport, which willresult in more effective two way communication. When you pay attention to a

persons behaviour, both verbal and non-verbal and match or mirror thatbehaviour you develop rapport. However, there are advantages anddisadvantages to matching and mirroring.

Activity

Consider what you think the advantages and disadvantages might be asfollows:~

Advantages Disadvantages


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Activity 6/answer

Advantages & Disadvantages ofMatching and Mirroring

Consider what you think the advantages and disadvantages might be asfollows:~

You may have said:~

Advantages Disadvantages

Done with integrity creates positivefeelings and responses in you andothers

Can become compulsive try notbecome obsessive and mimicpeople

Can build a deep sense of trust Should be done in a subtle andelegant way or it affects credibilityand you can lose their respect

Creates an atmosphere of mutualconfidence and respect

If not done ethically can createnegative consequences

Leads to you sharing the otherpersons experience and the waythey see the world

Imitation often gets noticed andcan be objectionable

The other person feels Can be seen as insensitive


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acknowledged and appreciatesyour interest in them

Builds a sense of connection If it intrudes into the persons

conscious awareness it candamage rapport

Builds rapport when we gainrapport with someone it willenhance our communication skills

The other person may becomevisibly uncomfortable and respondunfavourably resulting in conflict

Activity 7

Communication ~ Tone of Voice

Matching your tone of voice with the other persons often develops rapport.This is your subconscious wanting you to be liked and believing that, if yousound similar to the other person, they will like you.

Activity

Consider how you can match the sound of the other persons voice withoutmimicking their accent etc? For example: Tone soft, friendly and gentle.

Write your answers below:~


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Activity 7/answer

Communication ~ Tone of Voice

Matching your tone of voice with the other persons often develops rapport.This is your subconscious wanting you to be liked and believing that, if yousound similar to the other person, they will like you.

Discuss in your group how you can match the sound of the other personsvoice without mimicking their accent etc? For example: Tone soft, friendlyand gentle.

You may have said:~

Volume ~ high/low/whisper

Pace ~ slow/quick/moderate

Pitch ~ powerful/gentle

Tone ~ soft, friendly, gentle or hard, abrasive, brusque


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Intonation (sing-song, sentences may go up in pitch at the end)

Activity 8/page 1

Communication ~ Matched or MirroredBody Language

Activity

Look around the room at your colleagues and check how they are sitting.

MATCHED body language means they are doing the same thing. Perhapsthey both have left leg crossed over right, hands clasped with fingersinterlaced.

MIRRORED body language means a mirror image of each other. One mayhave left leg over right, leaning to their right, whilst the person next to themhas right leg over left and is leaning to their left.

MATCHING OR MIRRORING of body language happens because at asubconscious level, we all want to be liked. Your subconscious mind believesthat if you resemble someone, they will like you, so it adjusts your body

language to make you physically copy the other person.

MIRRORING OR MATCHING body language are both viable ways of buildingrapport and can be used on a conscious level to hasten the process along.The key is SUBTLETY and your movements to match or mirror them shouldbe slight, so that they are recognised only by the other personssubconscious, not by their conscious mind.

Elements to MATCH AND MIRROR

BODY LANGUAGE (55% of communication): Posture, eye contact,

gestures, expression on face, breathing


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TONE OF VOICE (38% of communication): Voice pitch, speed of speaking,volume, phrasing, hard/soft tone, pace

WORDS (7% of communication): Key words (favourite words that we usefrequently such as actually, OK, you know, basically). Subtlety is

essential ~ or it may cause offence if you use their key words too often

Activity 8/page 2/Role Play

Royal Invitation

Activity

InvitationYou have been invited to attend the opening of a newly built factorywhich is part of a multi-national organisation. The Prince of Wales isformally opening the company and will want to shake hands with youand others and have a brief conversation with people. This can be a bitoverwhelming and he is keen to put you at your ease as quickly aspossible.

What you should do

Form receiving lines (like a wedding party). You will all take it in turn to bethe Prince of Wales, passing along your own receiving line, shaking handswith everyone in the line and chatting to them for no more than 30 secondseach.

As you do this you will be PACING~ that is, noticing the BODY LANGUAGE

and listening to the VOICE TONE of each person in turn andMATCHING/MIRRORINGboth of these elements.


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When you are waiting in the receiving line, you may want to vary your bodylanguage and voice tone, pitch etc from those of your colleagues. You canmake up your own identity and whatever achievement you want (be creative).

The Prince will take all this in his stride!

Activity 9/Page 1

Communication ~ VAK Channels

We experience the world through our senses ~ Visual, Auditory andKinaesthetic (VAK). To help you develop effective communication skills youneed to be able to determine which of the VAK systems the person isoperating in by observing them and listening attentively to what they are

saying.

People thinking and speaking in a

Visual way Tend to look up, gesture skywards andbreathe high in the chest and might say Isee what you mean, that looks good to me

Auditory way (Hearing) Look to their ears, adopt a telephoneposture, with hand on ear and mouth andbreathe mid-chest and might saySounds good to me, tellme more

Kinaesthetic Way (Feeling) Look down, gesture down to the floor,breathe low in the chest and might say Imgoing to go with my gut feeling, Id like toget to grips with this idea

Other phrases include:


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VisualChannel

Auditory (Hearing)Channel

Kinaesthetic (Feeling)Channel

See what you mean Music to my ears Gut feeling

Get the picture Blast from the past Feel-good factor

Look into it Tell me about it Get a grip

When you hear someone speaking in one of these channels, you can tuneinto their wavelength by using words of the same channel to developrapport quickly.

Activity 9/page 2


Activity

Using the VAK phrases/metaphors shown in Activity 9/page 1 as examples,make up some more phrases or metaphors which will suit each one of theVAK channels as follows:~

VisualChannel




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Activity 9/answer

VAK Channels ~ Language

Using the VAK phrases below as examples, make up some more phraseswhich will suit each one of the VAK channels as follows:~

You may have said:~

VisualChannel



This is my vision Im lost for words I have a feeling in mybones

The outlook is dim This strikes a chord She rubs me up thewrong way

Lets shed some lighton the issue

That sounds good tome

Things are flowingright now

See things my way I hear what youresaying

Give me somethingconcrete to work on

Looks good to me Ive been hearing goodthings about you I feel good about thewhole thing

This will help you to recognise the different phrases or metaphors thatpeople use in conversation which help to give us clues as to whichcommunication channel they prefer when they speak. You can then usethese same or similar types of words when you communicate with themto ensure you are speaking their language.


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Activity 10/page 1

Communication ~ VAK ChannelsQuestionnaire

Activity

Read each of the following questions in turn and circle the letter a, b or c ofthe answer that applies to you:~

1. What would make you suspect that someone was lying to you?

(a) The way they look, or avoid looking at you

(b) Their tone of voice(c) A feeling you get about their sincerity

2. How do you know that you have had a good day at work?

(a) A productive meeting or good news over the telephone(b) A clear desk or a things to do list with everything ticked off(c) An inner glow, a smile and a feeling of deep satisfaction

3. What kind of activity do you prefer on holiday?

(a) Lazing on a sun-drenched beach, swimming to cool off(b) Attending a concert or a lecture on local culture and history

(c) Seeing the sights and local colour, visiting a museum or artgallery

4. Which of the following groups of hobbies/interests appeals most to you?

(a) Cinema, photography, art, interior design(b) Sport, sculpture, cookery or gardening


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(c) Playing a musical instrument, listening to music or a tapedbook, singing

5. Which television programme would you prefer to watch?

(a) A wildlife programme(b) A programme about painting or art(c) A pop/classical concert

Activity 10/page 2


Questionnaire

6. Which would you prefer for a celebratory treat?

(a) A personal dedication on the radio(b) A week-end break to somewhere you have never visited before(c) Your favourite meal with good wine and good company

7. Which would be the best way for you to unwind at the end of a trying day?

(a) Gaze at something relaxing such as a candle flame(b) An aromatherapy massage(c) Talk to a friend

8. If you want to thank or reward someone for doing you a favour, which ofthese would you do?

(a) Telephone them

(b) Give them a bottle of their favourite tipple/bottle of perfume(c) Write them a thank you note

9. Which of the following groups of careers most appeal?

(a) An artist or designer in television(b) Lecturer, telesales or customer liaison(c) Gardener, nurse or counsellor

10.Which accessories do you like to have in your home?


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Activity 10/page 4

Communication ~ VAK ChannelsQuestionnaire

If you scored highest on Visual then you may identify with part or all of

the following description:~

Visualpeople often sit forward in their chair or on the edge of their chair.They tend to be more organised, orderly and deliberate. They are consciousof their appearance and will be neat and well-groomed. They are goodspellers and memorise things by picturing them. They are sometimes quieterand are less distracted by noise. They may have trouble remembering verbalinstructions unless they have pictured them and are bored by long verbalexplanations because their minds tend to wander. They would rather read tothemselves than be read to. A visual person will notice how someone looksat them and likes to learn by seeing pictures, graphics and diagrams. Theirhobbies and interests may have a strong visual element in them, such as artor photography

If you scored highest on Auditory (Hearing) then you may identify withpart or all of the following description:~

Auditory (Hearing) people typically may talk to themselves and are easilydistracted by noise. They may move their lips when they are mentally sayingwords and can repeat things back to you easily. They find spoken languageeasier than mathematics and writing. Music is important to them and they

learn by listening. They may play personal development tapes in the car orlisten to speaking books for leisure. They commit things to memory by usingsteps, procedures and sequence. They are interested in beingtold how theyare doing and will particularly notice different tones of voice. They may spenda lot of time on the telephone or have hobbies that involve sound, such aslistening to music, singing or playing an instrument.

If you scored highest on Kinaesthetic (Feeling) then you may identifywith part or all of the following description:~

Kinaesthetic or Feelingpeople often have a more relaxed posture either

slumped or laid back. They may move or talk in a very relaxed, slowed-downfashion. They use their intuition or instincts to get a feel for what they are


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Activity 11/answer

Matching VAK ChannelsDuring Communication

You may have said:~

Visual people like space, so sit or stand far enough away from them sothey can see all of you. They also speak faster than other channels, theirbreathing is usually shallow and they make many hand gestures duringconversation. So it may be an idea for you to increase your rate of speech,match your breathing to theirs and subtly make hand gestures when youspeak. They prefer to visualise or see how to do something so you willneed to demonstrate rather than explain verbally what they need to do

Auditory people they tend to converse with themselves a great deal internal dialogue, so give them enough space to allow them to think throughhow they want to respond to you. Their speech is slower, so you should try toslow down yours to match. They tend to touch their mouth and chin a lot andlip movements are common as if they are speaking out aloud to themselves!Body language is less important than facts and figures.

Kinaesthetic people during a conversation you should stand close enoughto enable them to reach out and touch you on the shoulder or the arm.They tend to hold on to your handshake and are very aware of their body.They speak a lot more slowly than the other two styles. Their lack of speed

during communication conceals their intellectual ability and it is a commonassumption that they lack intelligence because of their slow speed whenspeaking.

A conversation between a person whose predominant channel is Visualand a person whose predominant channel is Kinaesthetic can result inconflict. This can be because the Visual person can speak too quicklyfor the Kinaesthetic thinker who believes the other person is slow, dulland boring. So you need to be adaptable.

Not everyone can be placed into neat boxes in which they are one

communication channel or another. Its just something that happens.Some people have a more dominant style whilst others adopt a specific


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We move our eyes to access these places when we process the informationfrom our senses. These are the eye movements if you are right handed. Forleft handed people the chart is reversed i.e. a mirror image. The subtle waysthe eyes move vary from person to person as some people have slower or

faster eye movements. Some people have a mixture of patterns and aseveryone has their unique view of the world it is useful to remember this whenaccessing eye cues as a means of reading someones thinking pattern.

Activity 12/page 2

What the Eyes Tell Us

People have habitual eye movements which are linked to their preferred VAKchannel (lead system). However, just because someone is looking up to theleft does not necessarily mean they are making a picture. It just means theyare looking in this direction whilst processing something internally. You haveto establish what and how they are thinking using further observation andquestioning skills which takes practice.

Activity

Please refer to Activity 12/page 1 and working with a partner take it in turns toask each other the questions below. When you ask the questions observe theeye movement in your partner and note which way their eyes move for each

question. Please note your response in the appropriate space as follows:~

Question

Which way didtheir eyes move in

response to thequestion

Which way didtheir eyes move in

response to thequestion

What is the colour of the shoes youwore yesterday?

What would a whistle sound likeunderwater?

What does your favourite musicsound like?

What will you look like in 5 yearstime?

When you talk to yourself, what kindof voice to you speak with?

How does it feel to lie on the beachwith the waves gently lapping overyou?

You can use the abbreviated forms in your response as shown below:~

Visual Constructed = VC Auditory Constructed = AC


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Kinaesthetic = K

Visual Remembered = VR

Auditory Remembered = AR

Auditory Digital = AD

Activity 12/answer

What the Eyes Tell Us

You may have said:~

Question

Which way did their eyes move inresponse to the question

What is the colour of the shoes youwore yesterday? VR

What would a whistle sound likeunderwater? AC

What does your favourite music

sound like? AR

What will you look like in 5 yearstime? VC

When you talk to yourself, what kindof voice to you speak with?

AD

How does it feel to lie on the beachwith the waves gently lapping overyou?

K

Each of the questions causes you to access a memory or mentallyconstruct an experience.

Be aware that everyone is different and may stray from the norm. So itsimportant to avoid putting people into boxes. For example right handedpeople and left handed people will have differences i.e. mirror image and afew people are ambidextrous! Also people often have a mixture of patterns.For example a person whose lead system is Auditory Digital would answer the

first question above in the following way eyes would go down to the left (AD)


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before going up to the left (VR). This is because they would need to repeatthe question to themselves first (AD) and then search for the answer (VR).

This is a starting point when learning how to recognise peoplespreferred channel of communication using eye cues.

Activity 13

Advantages of Using Eye Cues to

improve Communication

The eyes are the mirror of the soul and can reveal so much about us. Theyform the first impression you make. When we communicate with others wecan recognise how a person is thinking by observing their eye movements.So how can this be of benefit to us when we are attempting to relate toothers?

Activity

Consider the main advantages of observing a persons eye movementswhen communicating with them?


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Activity 13/answer

Advantages of Using Eye Cues toimprove Communication

The eyes are the mirror of the soul and can reveal so much about us. Theyform the first impression you make. When we communicate with others wecan recognise how a person is thinking by observing their eye movements.So how can this be of benefit to us when we are attempting to relate toothers?

Activity

Consider the main advantages of observing a persons eye movementswhen communicating with them?

You may have said:~

When you know whether a person is thinking about images, soundsor talking to themselves you can match your communication styleto theirs, making it easier for you to convey your message and getthe response you would like

Recognising their preferred channel of communication helps you toensure your communication with them is in their own language

Promotes greater rapport, thus making communication moreeffective

Enables you to establish when its best to speak and when youshould allow them time to think i.e. when they are talking tothemselves silently


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Helps you to plan what you are going to say so that the other personwill find your ideas/views/suggestions or comments appealing andeasy to understand

Recognise how to improve your thinking style so that you are not

limiting the way you approach situations when you need to conveyyour message effectively

Helps you to assess how you behave with that person for example,how close to position yourself to them, whether to speak quickly orslowly

Enables you to identify why their thinking may be causing themdifficulties in a given situation

Activity 14

Using Eye Cues to DevelopRapport

When you are totally at ease with the person you are communicating with andthey with you, then you are both operating in your preferred system andrapport occurs naturally. People who are difficult to communicate with andwith whom you have conflicts are just seeing the same situation from their

preferred system which is different to yours. Seeing the world through theeyes of the other person is the stage you want to reach to develop goodrapport and be able to communicate with them in the way you want. Rapportis a process and not a fixed state and fluctuates and flows like a conversationand is about increasing responsiveness during communication.

Activity

Consider the different ways below that people use eye contact and what youcan do to ensure rapport is created and sustained. What would you do whenthe other person gives you:~

A Fixed Stare

A Darting Glance


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Minimal Eye Contact

How would you test out whether you are pacing (reading) the otherpersons eye movement correctly to establish rapport?

Activity 14/answer

Using Eye Cues to DevelopRapport

Consider the different ways below that people use eye contact and what youcan do to ensure rapport is created and sustained. What would you do whenthe other person gives you:~

You may have said:~

A Fixed Stare look a bit longer than you would usually, but avoid beingcompetitive. When listening ensure sustained eye contact with this personand use head nodding or other signs to indicate you are listening to break anypossible tension. Useful to note also is their eyes will not move if they do nothave to search for a recent memory or observation, so be aware ofassumptions.

A Darting Glance avert your eyes more than usual if you are speaking.Avoid staring as this could be construed as aggressive and could damagerapport.

Minimal Eye Contact you should make less eye contact than normal withthis person. You could use peripheral vision to watch them.

How would you test out whether you are pacing (reading) the otherpersons eye movement correctly to establish rapport?

You may have said:~


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Match their eye movements very subtly and then make a small non-matchingchange in your own eye movements. If the other person follows suit withina minute or so with a similar shift in their eye movements you will know thatyou have rapport.

So its important to substantiate which style they are using at the time you arecommunicating with them. You can do this by observing, asking questionsand modifying your style of communication to verify theirs.

Activity 15/page 1

Getting the Right Response

To ensure good communication and get the response you want, there aresteps in the rapport building process which need to be pursued. These stepsshould not be forced or the person manipulated in any way as dont forget youare trying to match your preferred system to theirs, so you will bemanipulating yourself in the process! With enough practise it will become

natural and not forced and you will become unknowingly or unconsciouslycompetent.

When you pace (read) another persons behaviour and adjust yours todevelop rapport you should decide where you want the communicationto lead to (work towards specific goals) and how you will take the otherperson with you.

For example you can get people to change their state of mind, accessdifferent information (eye cues), find out something new, or see thingsdifferently. You can do this by asking questions, explaining something or

changing the way you talk about something and see if they go along with it.

So you would:~

Identify the behaviour in the other person (pacing)

Mirror that behaviour (pacing)

Subtly change that behaviour (leading)


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Observe what happens

If the person does not follow your lead then resume

the pacing or read the persons behaviour and try again (if it doesnot work try something different!)

Activity 15/page 2

Getting the Right Response

Activity

Working with a partner refer to Activity 15/page 1(pacing and leading) andfollow the guidelines below:~

Write down your questions and the response you would like (stateyour goal clearly and the steps you will take to get there)

Start a conversation

Ask the other person for an opinion they hold

Feed it back to them how you understand it until they appearsatisfied that you have understood

Then suggest a different viewpoint to them

Observe if they follow your lead

At all times you should be observing the other persons body language. Trynot to react to the other persons viewpoint, just respond this shows you arelistening and when people feel listened to there is rapport. You should askyourself where the conversation is leading to and what you want out of it.Plan this ahead. You can get back to reading (pacing) the other person atany time, but you should revert to leading and be clear about the outcome inorder to get the response/outcome you want.


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The response I would like/the outcome I want at the end of thisconversation

Questions I will ask

Activity 16/page 1

Why Create Anchors?

The purpose for creating anchors is to provide a precise way of accessing ouremotional state when we need them. They can be sounds, images, cuewords or touch/pressure to the body.

You might have wished that you had been able to communicate moreeffectively in the past. So you can create an anchor using guided imagery(visualisation) by recalling that past experience and making that (pastexperience) more positive.

Alternatively you may want to create a future experience when you want toappear more relaxed and confident in getting your message across. Creatingpositive anchors in this way will help to establish more favourable andreceptive state for communicating your ideas and views more effectively.

Activity

This activity will help you create your unique anchor to improve yourcommunication with others and help you to get your message across moreeffectively.

State a desired belief in a positive form ~ for example I want to be moreconfident when speaking in meetings

My desired belief is.


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Activity 16/page 2

Why Create Anchors?

Ask yourself what would a person with this belief naturally do in asituation which required them to communicate effectively. Imagine themany different actions they would take. List them below:~

Examples might be:~Asking firm, clear and probing questions during the interactionGiving clear suggestions and ideas to influence a positive outcomeSuggesting ideas and getting the required response

Choose one of these actions and see yourself doing that action in theway you desire.


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Close your eyes and visualise that scenario of the future you and thefeelings you experience in vivid detail.

Watch the scene as though it were on television completing the actions

of your desired belief. Revise the scene if necessary to make sure that itis positive. Then enhance the scene by:~

Making the colours brighter choose your favourite colours, butmake them really stand out. Change the different hues to vary youremotional response.

Adjust the scene to bring the image closer

Make the image sharper

Make the sounds louder and clearer

Zoom in and out of the image

Now choose a word that increases the feelings you are experiencingsuch as fantastic, wonderful etc.

Activity 16/page 3

Why Create Anchors?

Continued/

When the scene and your feelings reach a peak of intensity, create a

physical association by making a unique gesture such as pressing yourindex finger and thumb together or anything you want and believe isappropriate to future circumstances or situations.

Then release your anchor (finger and thumb) and move around todisassociate yourself with the experience. Go through again with eachaction and each time repeat with a different unique anchor


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Activity 17

Create Your Unique Anchor

There are many different ways of creating a unique anchor. They mayreactivate or trigger a distinct visual, auditory or kinaesthetic channel.Some may be triggered covertly as it may not be appropriate for you toreactivate your positive state in certain situations.

Please consider how many different anchors you can create to help youtrigger the response you want in different scenarios such as interactingwith others on a one to one basis, making a presentation, in meetings orgatherings. In fact, any situation which requires you to communicateeffectively. They may be visual, auditory or kinaesthetic, each onehaving a different manifestation.

Please write your response below:~

Visual

Auditory


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Kinaesthetic

Activity 17/answer

Create Your Unique Anchor

Please consider how many different anchors you can create to help youtrigger the response you want in different scenarios such as interacting

with others on a one to one basis, making a presentation, in meetings orgatherings. In fact, any situation which requires you to communicateeffectively. They may be visual, auditory or kinaesthetic, each onehaving a different manifestation.

You may have said:~

Visual making a gesture with your hands or face, reading information,focusing on a specific image

Auditory speaking certain words out aloud, using your voice in acertain way, adopting a different tone or pitch. This could be used whenmaking a presentation or speaking to your team for example. You canbuild in key words which will trigger the positive response in yourself,resulting in greater influencing skills and better communication.


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Kinaesthetic any kind of touch gently pressing an accessible andappropriate part of your body pressing your hands together, placingyour finger/thumb together, squeezing the palm of your hand etc.

However, apply the anchor appropriately in situations without appearingas if you are making wild gestures or behaving in an odd fashion in frontof others!

Activity 18/page 1

Getting the Response You Want

Anchoring is a powerful tool and its important not to misuse it as your self-

respect is at risk. However you may want to use it to get others into amotivated state for example, or to elicit the kind of response you want fromyour interaction with others.

The other persons state of mind including feelings and what they areconsciously and unconsciously dealing with will be significant in regard to howthey receive your ideas and suggestions. So by getting the kind of responseyou want when you present your idea will increase the chances of yourmessage being favourably acted on and the response being positive.

The steps required to establish a more favourable and receptiveresponse from others and thus communicate your ideas moreeffectively are:~

Step 1Ask the other person to recall a pleasant memory or experience byasking them a question such as Can you recall the time you feltor What inspires you about. Or What do you like about.. Byasking them to recall a specific experience some of the feelingsassociated with that memory will be reactivated and can be anchored.

Step 2


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When the other person has told you about that specific experience ormemory, and when their response to your question reaches its peakanchor it with either (depending on the situation and your assessmentof how appropriate the anchor might be):~

A verbal anchor such as Thats a fantastic story Touching their hand, arm or shoulder lightly

Your facial expression or clasping yourhands

Step 3When you want to reactivate the positive response trigger the anchor atthe appropriate moment by performing the same action as in Step 2. Ifthe anchor is verbal just repeat the word or words e.g. Let me tell you afantastic story. In this case the word fantastic will be enough totrigger the same positive response.

This form of anchoring helps people to feel good about themselves andit will also help you to create a climate which is more receptive to yourideas and help get your message across more effectively.

Activity 18/page 2

Getting the Response You WantBeing able to recognise and being aware of naturally occurring anchors inpeople will help to improve your interaction with them. By asking the otherperson to recall a specific positive and pleasant experience some of thefeelings associated with that memory will be reactivated and can be anchored.

Activity

Working with a partner and using the three steps outlined in Activity18/page 1 practise your scenario using an appropriate action to anchor

your partner into a positive state where your ideas or suggestions willbe welcomed.

Each of you will have your own scenario that you will need to practise inturn.

How to start:~

Your scenario:~


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Activity 18/page 3

Getting the Response You Want

When each of you have had an opportunity to practise your skills at anchoringwrite up your experience of it below:~

How did it feel? Was it as effective as you thought it might be and if sowhy?

Your experience:~


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Activity 19/Quiz/page 1

Communication Skills Using NLP

Name three benefits of having good rapport with people:~

1

2

3

List the three different ways we get our message across:~

1

2

3


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Name four ways you can match someones tone of voice:~

1

2

3

4

Specify three advantages of matching and mirroring:~

1

2

3

Activity 19/Quiz/page 2


Name the three main VAK channels:~

1

2

3

Identify three advantages of observing eye movements:~

1

2

3


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Name four ways you can match someones tone of voice:~

1 Volume high/low/whisper

2 Pace slow/quick/moderate

3 Pitch powerful/gentle

4 Tone soft/friendly/gentle/hard/abrasive/brusque

Specify three advantages of matching and mirroring:~

1 Can build a deep sense of trust

2 Builds a sense of connection

3 Builds rapport which will enhance communication skills

Activity 19/page 2/answer


Name the three main VAK channels:~

1 Visual

2 Auditory

3 Kinaesthetic

Identify three advantages of observing eye movements:~

1 Promotes greater rapport making communication more effective

2 Recognise the other persons predominant channel of communication

3 Helps you to plan what you are going to say to get the response youwant


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List three different types of anchors:~

1 Gesture with hands or face

2 Speaking certain words out aloud

3 Squeezing the palm of your hand

Action Plan

Action Plan

Communication Skills Using NLPList four areas in which you believe your development needs are

greatest

State objectives in terms of change in attitude, knowledge and skills youintend to achieve. Set realistic timescales for meeting these objectives

State what you intend to do to achieve these changes. Consider whatyou can do yourself and what help you will need from others


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Evaluation


We value your opinions and comments and so to help us to find out ifthe training has been of use and to look at ways we can continue withthe high level of participation and inter-action by individuals, we wouldlike you to write up your experience of this session.

Just say in your own words whether it has helped you and how youwould like to apply the knowledge and skills acquired in your job:~

Establish how you propose to review your progress and diagnose yourdevelopment needs as a continuing process


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Thank you for taking the time to provide us with feedback.

Documents

Communication Skills Using Nlp - Activities