Coaching Skills for Managers and Leaders: Part Two

Facilitator: Alicia Santamaría

Introductions/Icebreaker

Name and Organization

What I know about coaching is…….

AND what I wonder is…

9:30a – 4:30p

AM & PM break

Lunch @ 12:00p – 1:00p

Agenda and Objectives

• Review model and key concepts

• Explore power dynamics in coaching

• Learn 2 key coaching skills:

o Giving Feedback

o Sharing

• Explore 4 common coaching challenges

• Practice coaching (real-play, not roleplay!)

Agenda

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Workshop Agreements

Questions in a Hat

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The Model

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Coaching Practice

• Topic: What challenges have you had in using the coaching approach since Part One?

• Coach in pairs: 5 minutes each, 3 minutes of debrief each (8 x 2)

• Large Group Share:

– One thing you have done/tried

– What went well

– What is challenging

Power and Coaching

Power

“We managers [might] fail to acknowledge or take responsibility for how much power we have - in our own organizations, over our own staff. So how can we, as managers, acknowledge and responsibly exercise our formal power and avoid abusing it?”

-What’s Power Got to Do With it? (2009 Management

Assistance Group)

Types of Power

How does coaching

fit in?

Power OVER

Power WITH

Power UNDER

Power WITHIN

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Reflection Questions

1. What power do you have (position, social) in your organization?

2. In what ways do you use this power?

3. What are you curious about? How might you use power differently at work?

Thinking about social and positional power, how might coaching fit/not fit within these uses of power?

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Power and culture

“We can call forth those hidden parts by building trust, creating open, vulnerable partnerships and by giving and inviting authenticity.”

- Coaching for Transformation

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Additional Reflection Questions:

Institutional/Organizational

• How does power show up in your organization? Demographically, who tends to have it and who does not?

• How do cultural differences show up in your organization?

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Power

Interpersonal

• How might power dynamics/imbalances show up when you coach those you supervise?

• How might cultural differences show up when you coach those you supervise?

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The Coaching Skills

Skill #3: Giving Feedback

Clapping Exercise

Need 3 judges and 3 clapping contestants.Instructions for contestants:

• You will clap for 20 seconds.

• You will be judged based on the quality of your clapping on a 1-5 scale, with 5 being the best score and 1 being the worst score.

• You will each have one initial individual practice chance in front of the judges where you will be scored and given feedback.

• Then you will have the final group contest.

• Go ahead and step outside to get warmed up.

Debrief

Contestants and Judges:

• What was that like for you?

• What happened in each round?

Observers:

What did you notice?

First Contestant

• You’ve gotten feedback – your marks – but you have no idea what they’re based on.

• You know you need to change something. But what?

• They’ve given you no clue, so you’re equally likely to change for the worse as change for the better.

Second Contestant• You’ve been told what not to do, but you don’t

know what your goal is.

• So you can avoid the behavior you know they didn’t like (being quiet, starting too loudly and not having enough texture, and clapping too fast).

• But what are they looking for?

• There are many, many ways of clapping that avoid those things but still aren’t right.

Third Contestant

• This feedback was the most useful.

• They tell you what your goal is – eliminating a whole range of possible behaviors.

• They tell you which aspects of your behavior will help you towards optimal performance.

• They tell you what they don’t like as well.

• And they even give you some ideas for behaviors or techniques you may not have thought about.

Moral of the Story:

GIVE THE FEEDBACK THAT YOU WOULD

NEED TO DO YOUR BEST

Self-assessment

• How well do you receive and give feedback?

• Let’s self-assess

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Receiving and Giving Feedback

What did you learn?

Feedback

What is feedback?

“Feedback is information about past behavior delivered in the present which may influence future behavior.”

- Charles N. Seashore, Edith Whitfield Seashore, and Gerald M. Weinberg

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The Impact of Feedback

Feedback sits at the intersection between 2 core human needs:

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Hard-wiring and Temperament

Show Sheila Heen Video Here

• Baseline: our personal default level of well-being

• Swing: how far up or down we swing from our baseline

• Sustain and Recovery: how long it takes us to return to our baseline

Source: Thanks for the Feedback: The Art and Science of Receiving Feedback Well, Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen

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Two Types of Workplace Feedback

AppreciativeFeedback

Developmental Feedback

Purpose:

To celebrate positive behavior or accomplishment, encourage continuation of valuable action or behavior

Purpose:

To help improve or develop performance

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Feedback in a Few Steps

1. Describe the behavior

2. Impact (appreciative or developmental)

3. Request (more or change)

4. Coaching

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Appreciative Feedback:Everyone wants to know how well he or she is doing. Spend time appreciating and reinforcing

what you want someone to do more of.

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Instead of :

“You were great in that meeting, thanks.”

Try:

“When you were clear and concise while explaining your idea at the meeting, it really helped the management team to focus and understand the benefits of your proposal more clearly. That will help us make a better decision for the program. I appreciate how well you prepared.”

Example

ExampleInstead of :

“You really handled that tough situation with the client well. Thanks, you’re awesome!”

Try:

“I appreciate how well you handled that issue with the client. He was so upset but I noticed that because you were patient you helped him calm him down….he was finally able to see that you were trying to help. Your behavior got him to the resolution we needed…identifying the right services for his needs.”

Exercise

1. Write

Think of someone at work you would like to appreciate and write down an appreciative feedback statement for that person.

2. Share

Walk around and “blurt” it to at least 3 people.

3. Notice

When I say “freeze”, notice what is happening in the room.

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Developmental Feedback

Developmental Feedback - Example1. What is required in the future?

(Point B)

We need to talk about how you can achieve all your deadlines even while under stress.

2. What was specifically seen, heard or experienced?

Recently, you provided one compliance report out of seven on time. This one report was only 70% finished, not your usual 100% that we had come to expect from you, and not up to your usual quality.

3. When did this specifically happen?

In the last month.

4. What was/is the impact due to this action/behavior?

We had to request extensions from our contractors which impacts our credibility and reputation.

5. What is your request? Let’s review your workload and decide together how to avoid missing deadlines moving forward.

6. As you wrap coaching around the feedback, to help the person think about the feedback, which questions will be most useful to pose?

What should we focus in on to turn this around?

What is important to pay attention to?

What is going on that you need to adjust?

How can you adjust this?

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Developmental Feedback - Template

1. What is required in the future? (Point B)

2. What was specifically seen, heard or experienced?

3. When did this specifically happen?

4. What was/is the impact due to this action/behavior?

5. What is your request?

6. As you wrap coaching around the feedback, to help the person think about the feedback, which questions will be most useful to pose?

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Exercise: Feedback Practice

• Speaker: Share a piece of developmental feedback with listener

• Listener: Help speaker to do the following

– Stay objective

– Use specific, observable language

– Add meaning

Strategies (silent reflection)

• What worked?

• How will you prepare?

• How will you remember?

• What support do you need?

Skill #4: Sharing

Sharing

The skill of sharing is to know when to

share…

• Observation in the moment

• Hunch

• Ideas

• Examples

• Information

…and just how much to share.

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Purpose of Sharing

• Bring about new awareness about behaviors

• Give perspective to a situation

• Invite others to step outside their normal space

• Provide important information useful to the situation

• Acknowledge and neutralize a situation

• Share examples that may help the other person identify with potential solutions

Sharing is for their sake. Sharing is not about you. It is all about the other person.

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Preparing to Share

Review the example on Page 21

Now, listen to the situations and fill in the workbook with:

• The objective or subjective data

• How you might start the conversation

• What questions would be useful

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Sharing Situation #1 Observation

• You are having an informal coaching conversation with one of your direct reports about a challenging client. He is a new member of your staff and during your conversation you notice he says the phrase “I don’t know” four times.

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Sharing Situation #1 Observation

• Data: Hearing him say “I don’t know” 4 times

• Share: “May I quickly share an observation with you?... I have heard you say “I don’t know” multiple times during this conversation.”

• Coaching Questions:

“How can you find out what you need to know?”

“What has worked for you in similar situations?”

“What is your gut telling you about how to respond?”21

Sharing Situation #2 Information

• You are talking with a staff person about a new program your clinic is rolling out in partnership with a local social service provider. She is frustrated that the lead representative from the partner agency seems to ignore her and not give her a lot of respect. As you are coaching her on what she can do, you realize it might be helpful to share some things you have learned about working with this person in the past.

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Sharing Situation #2 Information

• Data: They are having challenges with a partner that you have worked with before.

• Sharing: “I’ve work with Carlos myself and I wonder if it would be helpful to share what I have learned?” Go on to share what you’ve learned…

• Coaching Questions:

“In what ways is this information useful for you?”

“How might you decide to approach her differently?

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Coaching Challenges

Coaching Challenges Teach Back

Breaking into 4 groups, we will tackle some of the most common coaching challenges and debrief each one together.

Question: What are strategies for addressing each challenge?

Coaching Challenge #1

I am not sure when to stay in inquiry mode and when I simply need to tell people what to do…

What is Your Goal?

• To give people information so they can act on something?…if someone just needs information or it’s their first time doing a task, you can just tell them what they need to know.

OR

• To foster learning and get people to develop themselves?...if it is time for them to brainstorm or take more initiative, then use inquiry and the coaching approach.

Ask yourself…

If you answer “yes” to one of the following, coach the person instead of telling…• Is this person fairly familiar with this task?• Is it time for this person to find answers for herself?• Is this person capable of thinking more about this

situation?• Could this person learn from this situation if she

thinks more about it?• Have you been telling this person what to think for a

while now?• Do you feel that “it’s my job to give out answers to

everything.”

Coaching Challenge #2

Someone has come to me needing coaching and I don’t have much time…

Questions to use when...

You don’t have much time…• What do you need most in this conversation?• What is most important out of everything you are

saying?• What can we address right now?• What has got to be resolved?• What can you do?• What must you do next?• What support do you need?• When do you need to get going on this?

Coaching Challenge #3

I am trying to coach someone who constantly complains…

Coaching the constant complainer…

• How is what you are saying helpful to your situation?

• How does the way you think about this situation affect you and others?

• What have you not yet asked for?

• What do you want here more than anything?

• If this moment could be different, how would you design it?

• What other perspective could you take right now?

• Where else might others be coming from?

• What is at the heart of this for you?

Questions to use when...

Tips for Coaching the Complainer

• The goal of your coaching is to take a person out of spinning negative energy and into a place of choice and action.

• Consider setting a time limit (like 2 minutes) for venting and then move the person forward.

• Acknowledge their complaint – does not mean agree with it.

• Focus on expanding the other person’s thinking.

• Keep your opinions to yourself and use neutral language.

• Don’t tolerate negative thinking. Help them focus on what they CAN do rather than what they can’t do.

To interrupt or not to interrupt…

• What is your team culture around interrupting?

• How do you feel when you are interrupted?

• What could you design with your staff around your need to get to the bottom line sometimes and the best ways to do it...

Coaching Challenge #4

How do I coach someone who is resistant?

Questions to use when…The person you are coaching is resistant…• Where are you coming from as you look at this

situation?

• What has led you to think and feel this way?

• What will help the situation right now?

• What’s preventing you from saying what you really think?

• What are the costs/payoffs of operating this way?

• What other perspective could you take on right now?

• What other way is there?

Tips for Coaching the Resister• Remember resistance is reluctance to face necessary

change and unchecked, the refusal to accept change can grow.

• The longer someone tells themselves a story of “why not,” the greater the chance temporary resistance turns into digging your heels in.

• Try to coach resistance early on before it becomes toxic.

• Behind most resistance lies a lack of trust – the employee’s question “why?” hasn’t been answered.

• Be prepared before you coach.

5 Reasons People Resist• Unmet needs

“I agreed to use this new computer system, but it doesn’t work well enough for me, so I’m not going to.”

• Lack of safety “Why try hard if we don’t know if there will be layoffs?”

• Lack of investment in time or financial resources“I really don’t want to do more without a promotion.”

• Threatened identity “I received development feedback to improve performance but I think I am fine the way I am.”

• Change in control “l’ve been asked to step into this new role, which I don’t want. I am going to do the least possible.”

Plan to Coach

How will you prepare to coach?

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Inquiry Based Coaching Practice

Person doing the coaching

Person being coached

Observer Take Notes

PRACTICE: Your Turn!

1) Person 1: CoacheeIn 1-2 minutes present a goal or challenge you are currently experiencing (e.g. I am struggling with time management, I need to have a tough conversation with someone and I am not sure how to bring it up, I need to develop a new evaluation system and I have no idea where to start).

2) Person 2: CoachAsk open ended, inquiry-based questions to help the presenter identify solutions and next steps. Coach for 8 minutes.

3) Person 3: ObserverYou will observe the conversation. What did you see and hear? What worked? What else might the coach have asked to move the presenter closer to ideas or action?

Then switch roles

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Action Plan for Coaching Mastery

Three things I will do differently, practice, try or share with my coworkers:

1. X

2. X

3. X

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In Pairs

• Share 1 thing you will do differently, practice, or share when you get back into the office.

• Share one “Pearl of Wisdom” you are leaving with today.

• A Watch-Out

• A Verse

• An Offer

A Watch Out

A Verse

“The mind is not a vessel to be filled, but a fire to be kindled.”

- Plutarch, Greek Essayist

An Offer

Alicia Santamaria

adelante coaching + consulting

alicia@adelantecc.com

https://www.pinterest.com/adelantecc/

Lupe Publano

CompassPoint

LupeP@compasspoint.org

Wrap up & Evaluation

• Resources will be emailed after workshop

• Please complete your Evaluation Form

Thank you!