Coaching for Influence:

Coaching for Influence:

Two Critical Coaching Moves:

Blending

Redirecting


Blending

Any behavior by which you reduce the difference between you and other people in

order to meet them where they are and move to common ground.

The result is an increase in rapport.


Redirecting

Any behavior by which you use that rapport to change the

trajectory of that interaction.


Listening to Understand

And

Speaking to be Heard

Components of Effective Communication in

Coaching

• Asserting

• Active Listening

• Integrating


Think of a satisfying communication

experience:

Jot down an adjective that would describe “how you

were” during that conversation.


Think of an unsatisfying communication

experience:

Jot down an adjective that would describe “how you

were” during that exchange.


The Problem: The Struggle to be Heard

I make an assertion.

You respond by making a counter

assertion.I reassert my

original view or counter your

assertion.

The communication deteriorates;

frustration escalates.

You reassert your original view or

counter my assertion.


Asserting:

Expressing views and concerns frankly in ways

that minimize other’s defensiveness

Key Elements of an Assertion Statement:

Concrete Data Grounds communication in neutral, observable dataFeelings Makes accessible important subjective dataImpact Makes clear why you think there’s a problemTone of Communicates opennessInquiry to hearing others’ views


When (Concrete Data)I feel (Meaning to you)Because (Impact)? (Tone of Inquiry)

AssertionExpressing Concerns:

We often do not express our genuine concerns to others –

we withhold them to spare their feelings or spare ourselves discomfort and the risk of

candor

AssertionA Critical Barrier:

Putting the Problem FirstAnd not Imposing our

Solution

AssertionExpressing Concerns:

When we do express concerns, we tend toward two extremes:

Either we are very blunt (leading others to be defensive)

Or, we are very indirect, in which case others do not get the message (and may become defensive or suspicious)


Aggression Pursuing your views in ways that

disregard the view of othersSubmission Sacrificing your views and interests in

deference to those of othersAssertion Pursuing your views and interests in ways

that respect those of others


Coaching

• Asserting

•Active Listening• Integrating


Active Listening:

Constructing the meaning of what another person is

saying in ways that encourage expression of underlying thoughts and

feelings

Active ListeningThe Critical Choice:

To focus on the other person, attending carefully to what he or she says, means,

wants to say , thinks and feelsOR

To focus on your message by countering what the other person says or

reasserting what you have to say

Active Listening

What are you doing when you are not listening?

Active ListeningElements of Active Listening:Acknowledging what you hear

Encouraging the other person to say more

Actively exploring his or her perspective

Testing the meaning to the other person

Active ListeningThe Critical Choice:

To focus on the other person, attending carefully to what he or she says, means,

wants to say , thinks and feelsOR

To focus on your message by countering what the other person says or

reasserting what you have to say

Active ListeningTechniques for Active Listening:

ReflectingSaying back the essential meaning – key thoughts and/or

feelings

InquiringAsking Genuine Questions and checking out

interpretations

SummarizingPeriodically synthesizing and testing what you have heard

Active ListeningWays of Reflecting:

Parroting the words (Revoicing, Backtracking, etc.)

Paraphrasing the content (Revoicing)

Reflecting back the “gist” – thoughts and feelings


Effort tomirrorwhat was

literallysaid

Effort to capture implicit feelings, implications

Parroting

Paraphrasing

Reflecting the “gist”


Risk of

sounding

insulting

Risk of being wrong

Parroting

Paraphrasing

Reflecting the “gist”

Active ListeningDelivering Reflecting Responses

Tone Avoid Sarcasm Make a flat statement or use a rising inflection

Phrasing Avoid direct questions Common Introductions

“So you’re thinking that…” “Sounds like you’re concerned that…” “You feel…because…” “I’m hearing that…” “Let me see if I understand what you are saying…”


Inquiring:

Constructing the meaning of what another person is

saying in ways that encourage expression of underlying thoughts and

feelings

Active ListeningInquiring through Genuine

Questions:

Kinds of Questions

Active ListeningSummarizing:

Provides some closure to the conversation

Makes clear the next steps


Coaching

• Asserting

• Active Listening

•Integrating

IntegratingIntegrating:

Asserting your perspective and actively listening to that of the other person in ways that lead to mutual understanding and

joint problem solving

IntegratingSteps to Integrating:

1. Assert your perspective2. Actively Listen to the other person’s

perspective by reflecting back what you hear3. Actively Inquire if necessary4. Make transition back to your perspective,

clarifying areas of agreement and difference5. Explore solutions that integrate both

perspectives


Concrete Data Grounds communication in neutral, observable dataFeelings Makes accessible important subjective dataImpact Makes clear why you think there’s a problemTone of Communicates opennessInquiry to hearing others’ views


When (Concrete Data)I feel (Meaning to you)Because (Impact)? (Tone of Inquiry)


Two Critical Coaching Moves:

Blending

Redirecting

Coaching Role Play

Triad Roles: Teacher Coach Observer

Coaching Role Play

Observer “Look Fors” Blending Reflecting (Parroting, Paraphrasing, and Gist)

Inquiring Summarizing

Documents

Coaching for Influence: