Church Wounds

A Pilgrim’s Perspective

By

Alex Shianda

Church Wounds

A Pilgrim’s Perspective

Church Wounds

A Pilgrim’s Perspective

By

Alex Shianda

Theoshub

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without

written permission from the author.

Lent 2015

Scripture quotations marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living

Translation, copyright 1996, 2004,2007, by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by

permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights

reserved.

Content

An eye witness perspective

An experiential perspective

A community perspective

Introduction

Wounds from a sincere friend

are better than many kisses from an enemy

Proverbs 27:6

An eye witness perspective

I saw a poster online the other day that reminded me of a story.

The poster was for an event that was to happen in December. It is a Christian conference in

Zambia on exposing false teaching in the church in Africa. The poster had a picture of a flock

of sheep and one “sheep” in the flock highlighted coz it was actually a wolf!

Yes, a wolf; a wolf in sheep clothing.

I don’t know if the organizers of the conference did not see how ridiculous the poster

looked like for taking a figure of speech by Jesus, literally. Can you imagine a wolf dressing

up in sheep clothing?

Anyway, the poster reminded me of the time I got to my third year in campus. By then, I

was in need of a church community to connect with. I wasn’t very conversant with Nairobi

and this is why I hadn’t “found” a good church to belong to yet.

A friend invited me to accompany him to their church.

I liked their church.

It reminded me of our home church in Eldoret that I grew up in.

This new church had a congregation of about 300 people. Most of these congregants were

in their early forties. They had a small parking lot and very little aesthetics in the large hall

where we met in for service. There was however a cross outside on the rooftop and the

pulpit was placed at the centre of the church. It was a “mainstream” denominational church

and the service was liturgical with the members sitting on benches. The youth of the church

met after service for “plots”. I was 22 so I fit right in.

I visited this church again and again.

During my third visit, the pastor said he had a special announcement before he preached.

He then called one of the ladies from the congregation to join him at the pulpit at the front

of the church. The lady was dressed in a long cream dress with a decent weave on her head.

He then proceeded to read 1 timothy 5:20 which says “Rebuke publicly all those who

commit sins, so that the rest may be afraid.”

After making some remarks about the church’s policy, he then gave the microphone to the

lady who had been called to the front.

She went ahead to share how she had fallen from grace and gotten pregnant. She sobbed

as she confessed this and how she had let the church down by being pregnant out of

wedlock. None of her friends from the worship team where she served was there with her

as she asked for their forgiveness for letting them down as their fellow team member. She

cried as she shared this.

This was the last time I went to that church.

The picture of this event is very vivid in my head. All the beauty in the plainness of the

building became dead orthodoxy to me. The sight of the lady crying dominates my thoughts

whenever I remember this church.

It was not the first and only time I have seen church discipline enforced this way. I have

seen, heard and experienced church orthodoxy many times in many different ways. But the

most favourite way in instilling discipline in church it seems is by publically exposing and

naming and shaming those who sin.

To be orthodox in religious circles simply means to be “theologically correct”. The same way

in political circles you can be “politically correct” you can also be “theologically correct” in

church. You are “theologically correct” when you name and expose false

teachers/prophets/believers. You are “theologically correct” when you expose and name

and shame believers who fall from grace. You understand church orthodoxy when you do

this.

Throughout church history, people have been castigated as false teachers/prophets or

heretics when they did not hold on to the popular orthodoxy of the time. In this sense,

therefore, orthodoxy is a firm and unwavering adherence to a set of doctrines that are

usually expressed in some creed/or confessional statement e.g. among protestant

Christians, all have always affirmed sola scripture (scripture alone) as the test of true belief.

So in church history when Michael Servetus refused to baptize infants thereby not

conforming to popular orthodoxy, he was burned at the stake by John Calvin ironically

labeling him a “heretic” for not believing his orthodoxy.

Here is a faithful saying;

We need to accept without affirming flawed people in our circles

Before I raise some questions about orthodoxy, I can’t help but ask, when does someone

stop sinning?

When does one stop sinning that they become holy like God to castigate others in the place

of God?

We need to accept without affirming flawed people in our circles

Many Christians say we are all flawed, but apparently, some people are more flawed than

others. In fact, some act as though they are not flawed at all. The reality in church is that

you can pray for people but unless they repent and give up their ways they are really not

your friends. You will put them up in public to be rebuked whether they are your pastors or

favourite artists. You will write articles to justify why “we” should expose these false

teachers/prophets/believers or heretics. We are “certain” that our “theological

correctness” is not simply orthodoxy; dead orthodoxy at that.

We need to be honest and admit that nobody is free from besetting sin in the form of a bad

habit-whether a pattern of lying, verbal abuse, sexual sin, gluttony, too much

TV/internet…this is true whether a person is a prophet/teacher/believer.

To call any of these once false for their obvious habitual sin and pretend you have no sin is

to foster an atmosphere that is closed to sinners. It promotes self righteousness and denial

We need to accept without affirming flawed people in our circles

So I raise the following questions that Roger Olsen notes in view of accepting without

affirming flawed people;

Do you consider other believers “outsiders” because their sin is known and yours is

not?

Are believers in your Christian circles only disciplined when they get caught?

What would happen in your church if all the people who have had a lustful thought

stood up and admitted it?

Who is without sin apart from Jesus?

What if confession of sin to one another became the norm that people who did not

confess their sins were considered a problem for the church?

What if our churches really became hospitals for sinners rather than clubs for saints?

It is always great to remember that truth stands above orthodoxy. Actually, truth stands

above everything but God, and God is the source and standard of all truth. Truth matters

most. I think an honest answer to the above questions will reveal those who are pretending

to be righteous in our churches or in denial that they are sinners like those they call false

teachers/prophets/believers. We need to accept the flawed people in our congregations

without affirming their flaws.

An experiential perspective

Around the year 2000, I listened to a sermon titled “the gull of bitterness”. The sermon was

about the need for us to forgive. I remember it, for at that time, the issues in my life made

me feel like I was being treated unfairly and the feelings of anger and revenge were all I was

entertaining. Like the average teenager that I was, I felt misunderstood.

But as I grow up, I am realizing there are weightier issues in life than being denied

permission to go for a concert, or camp, or failing exams aside from the fact that your

parents do not understand, or your teacher does not like you or you didn’t have the money

to pay for your camp. There are more grave matters. Matters that forgiveness is not a fair

word to be used in the same sentence

I know of missionaries actively telling people daily that God has forgiven them of their sins,

mistakes and is willing to accept them as they are. Some take it further; you are encouraged

that since God has forgiven you, you must also forgive others who have wronged you. In

fact they quote Jesus words that if you don’t forgive other peoples’ mistakes toward you;

God will not forgive you of your sins.

A consistent message I have heard from people and my missionary friends, is that yes you

can be forgiven, but the consequences you still have to pay.

It is for this reason that I write. I want to expose that most of the time when we say we

have forgiven people with the above attitude(s) we really have not really forgiven them.

First allow me to give you (my) most common excuses used for not forgiving people;

1) I forgive you, but it is not in my power to stop the consequences

If I say I forgive you and I let the law take its cause, I have not forgiven you. Unless you

agree that God has forgiven us but he lets the consequences of our sins be fulfilled. If that is

so, then you are still going to hell, God will still punish you even though he has forgiven you.

I don’t know how to paint this picture accurately. But if you say in the natural world that

you are forgiven but consequences follow, that this is what is bound to happen here on

earth, I hope you understand me that this is what is bound to happen in heaven. The

summary of this poplar excuse therefore is that God has forgiven you but has not made

provision of a pardon of your consequences. You are still going to hell. Of course you would

say it is not true, because Jesus has paid the price for total forgiveness.

2) You lied to me

I don’t like dishonest people. I am sure you don’t also. I find it very hard to forgive someone

who gets me in trouble for not doing what they were supposed to do or lies about what I

did or exaggerates what I did and I have to pay for it. It is easier to look into the eyes of a

liar and tell them Jesus forgives them and that you let it all to God but God knows you have

not forgiven that person. You are no different from the liar. You are just lying through your

teeth that you have forgiven them.

1) I don’t know the future

This has got to be the biggest reason why most people don’t forgive. You don’t know if the

other person will take advantage of you again. You don’t know if you will be belittled by

your peers if you let it go. You don’t know if you will regret for never taking action. You fear

the unknown. We need to trust in a God who holds the future and whose will and nature is

nothing but good.

2) I am angry at you

Kelis captured well this emotion in her song “I hate you so much right now.”Anger is

passion. Do not be fooled that there is such a thing as holy anger that humans posses that

leads to righteousness when it is acted on. When you are angry with someone, forgiving

them is very hard. I am so happy God is not angry with us anymore. If he is, then he’d really

struggle to forgive us. He would occasionally kill a family, a church, a city, a nation…to

appease his anger. But he poured all his anger on Jesus, that through Christ, we might

receive forgiveness and life. If Jesus did not appease all of God’s anger, then God has to

apologize to Sodom and Gomorrah for destroying it for their wickedness and leaving us to

continue doing wickedness today. We live in a wicked world. This evil that we experience

makes it very hard for us to forgive us.

3) I deserve to be revenged for

Protection and revenge are two different things. It is one thing for me to know that I am

protected by people stronger or more armed than I am, and another thing to hope that I

have a stronger, more armed person or being that will punish you for taking advantage of

me. Some Christians when they say that revenge belongs to God, they actually have not

forgiven you neither have they let God handle it.

4) I know where this leads to

If you have a history of being hurt repeatedly or have witnessed someone being taken

advantage of and you had no power to help, then it is hard to forgive when someone

grieves you. It just becomes harder when you have luggage you are carrying from the past

to forgive a present.

5) I am only human

Coz I am human, it is easy for me to go to prison and tell inmates that God has forgiven

them when there is no thug behind those bars who killed my mum. It is not hard, to tell a

complete stranger that they could start over, that God has given them a clean slate, but a

neighbor, or a brother who betrayed you, who you know them by name and conduct is hard

for you to forgive them. You are just human. This phrase “I am only human” can have a

positive and negative connotation. It is the negative that makes forgiveness hard because of

perception.

6) I am not God

I read a Rick Ross poster once that said “God forgives, I don’t.” it’s like when we say we are

not like God to forgive others, we are simply saying we are tougher/better than God. But

are we? If God forgives, why shouldn’t we?

7) Someone I respect thinks I should not

There are many witches around. These witches are not like the ones we see in western

movies wearing a funny looking hat and flying on a broom. No. Neither are these witches

like the ugly fat women in Nigerian movies. No. The modern witch is well groomed. She

wears classy hats and is in shape. She is lovely and will make you happy when you are with

her. Her words are as smooth as virgin oil but in the end, she will bring you sorrow. She is

the way to the end of your carrier, marriage and passion. These witches are the ones who

poison your heart not to forgive others. In the words of the good book, her steps are

headed straight to the grave, do not go near her house.

8) I won’t tell you why

You can figure out how this plays out. It is a heart issue.

I have read several popular books that teach us how to pray using the Lord’s prayer.

Granted they are helpful to start us in the school of prayer. I’ll say two things about the

Lord’s Prayer (Matthew 6:9-13) before I share about an attitude I think is important to

cultivate if we are to be forgiving people.

First we note that it is a Jewish prayer and not a Christian prayer.

This prayer is not made in the name of Jesus that we are later on told how to make

petitions/taught how to pray to God.

It is therefore inaccurate to say that this is how Christians should pray for the blood of

atonement had not been poured.

Secondly, it is inaccurate to call this prayer the Lord’s Prayer for Jesus never sinned while

we see in the prayer it says “forgive us our sins”. It is more accurate we call it, the disciples’

prayer for that is what it was.

How should we forgive?

I read an article that I want to try and summarise it. It is by one of my favourite theologians

Greg Boyd. Below are exerts of his exposition of how we should forgive

Luke 23:34: Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”

“Could anything be more shocking and yet more beautiful than this prayer?

After being whipped, beaten, crowned with thorns, repeatedly mocked, spit upon, sneered

at, and pierced with spikes through his wrists and ankles, while slowly suffocating as he

hung on the cross, and as he was experiencing the nightmarish weight of the sin of the

world upon him, Jesus assumes his tormentors are ignorant and prays for their forgiveness

on this basis! When I recall that the one praying this is also the Creator of the universe, I am

led to the conclusion that this is the single most shocking and single most beautiful

sentence ever spoken in all of history….

…we are repeatedly commanded in Scripture to follow the example of Jesus in all things

(e.g. Jn 13:35; Eph 5:1-2; I Tim 1:16; 1 Pet 2:21, cf. I Cor 11:1). We are commanded to “have

the same attitude of mind Christ Jesus had” (Phil 2:5, cf. I Cor 2:16). This means that the

attitude Jesus revealed toward his enemies (including us) is the attitude we are to have

toward our enemies, as well as to all other people. However heinous or threatening a

person’s behavior may be, we are to assume that “they don’t know what they are doing.”

And we’re to petition God for their forgiveness on this basis…

“…in our fallen, rebellious state, we don’t instinctively assume the ignorance of others, especially if they are harming us. To the contrary, we usually assume their full responsibility and judge them accordingly. Moreover, instead of pleading for God to forgive them, we are more inclined to feel righteous as we plead with God to exact vengeance upon them. Our “natural” fallen response to our enemies is not at all reflective of God’s attitude toward us, as revealed in Jesus’ prayer on the cross...

However heinous a person’s behavior may be, and however threatening a person’s behavior may be, we are to refrain from judgment, assume their ignorance and hope and plead for their forgiveness.

This is perhaps the most difficult act of discipleship we could ever engage in. Yet, this is a

key to unlocking the beauty of the Kingdom in our life. Though it always gives the demonic

illusion of empowerment, there is in reality nothing more life-negating than our judging

impulse. As we by God’s grace learn to refrain from judgment and instead hope and believe

the best in others (I Cor. 13:7) while praying for their forgiveness, the love of Christ is

unleashed in our hearts. The beauty of Jesus’ prayer then begins to become a beautiful

reality in our life. We experience a depth of joy and freedom that we otherwise would not

experience…”

May you find healing in forgiveness today. May you let go of the hate you feel when you

remember the person, event or even yourself. May you have the same attitude that Christ

had when he prayed “father forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing”

A community perspective

I know the church has hurt people.

It has hurt people who were exposed to its leadership insensitivities, hypocrisy, church

politics and abuse of authority in the church.

In their book unChristian, David Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons point to research done by the

Barna Group that shows 16- to 29-year-olds who are outside of the Church (outsiders) have

lost much of their respect for the Christian faith. They add that 87 percent of outsiders

consider Christians judgmental and that 52 percent of churchgoers feel the same way.

Similarly, 85 percent of outsiders believe Christians are hypocritical, while 47 percent of

those within the Church feel the same way.

This study was not done in Kenya, but I feel it captures the many laments I have heard from

my friends and neighbours who are “outsiders” and “insiders” of the church. I know pastors

who are on self imposed exiles never to work in church again and ordinary Kenyans who are

very indifferent to church because of how they were treated.

I think Eugene Peterson captures this thought well of ordinary Kenyans, “People come to

church expecting to have their lives taken seriously, God taken seriously, and they're thrown

into this secularized entertainment mode. They are not taken seriously as souls.”

He further adds why he thinks churches do this (and I think why some pastors leave the

ministry), "I'm just appalled by the ways pastors use their power, not to deal with people as

souls but to use them for their own purpose in building an image, building success. The

pastor's identity is so wrapped up with performance…”

The church has historically wounded Kenyans. Today, it has been caught off guard in

national politics and social transformation issues. Many at time a church would be present

in a Kenyan community but no substantial development or even acts of mercy or social

relief would take place. It is simply focused on getting converts!

To be fair, the church has also been wounded. I serve in church.

When research studies, my friends, the dailies, social media and acquaintances, say the

church is full of hypocrites and insensitive people, they are talking about me. I cannot

escape being painted with the same brush as other pastors around the world who molest,

embezzle funds, and commit adultery.

Other religions plaster us with memories of our silence in human historical injustices, our

extension of not showing grace to them, our irrelevance to today’s culture. The church has

been bracketed as the opium of the poor masses.

The world considers us boring, legalistic, as having a holier than you attitude, outdated,

people who are trying to escape reality to cope with our pain and suffering inside four walls

of a sanctuary in the name of speaking to a deity.

These among other wounds are what I face every day when I meet with my non-Christian

friends or put up a religious update online. But I am one of those people who have a

disposition of get-over-it! I am the kind of guy who will tell you to pull up your trousers and

bite the bullet if you were wounded. Life is hard. In this world you’ll have many troubles.

So you were made to stand in front of the rest of the congregation and apologize for your

inappropriate act? So what? Move on! There are souls perishing.

But people respond to church wounds differently. Some bomb others with live grenades

will others have psychological grenades in their arsenal. Some of these grenades are thrown

the way skunk respond to danger. They throw the grenade of character assassination. They

talk a lot of bad things about the church (especially where they were hurt) as if they are

being paid.

Other people just bury their heads in the ground and pretend it never happened. Still others

fight while others just keep taking the crap and live in denial.

I write to make a proposal of sorts as to what to do about church wounds. My “get-over-it”

attitude is tempted to resonate with this thought of a former pastor;

"I think the problem with whining people is only exacerbated by us giving them more

attention than they are due. We have to come up with gentle but firm ways of helping them

out of their narcissism. Most of the time, people are hurt because of their own selfish

expectations of what the church should do for them. I write as a former pastor, as you can

probably surmise …”

But I have a few hurt people in mind so I will I’ll share an ABC approach lest I hurt someone

further;

Accept

“Any institution with high ethical ideals will at times place unfair burdens on people—or will

be perceived as doing so. Not even churches emphasizing grace will be immune.”

Think about it, is it easy to attend a church where there’s always going to be an annoying

song, personality or bad benches? Is it convenient to forgo a few hours a week to

participate in a community that might be at times painful and awkward? No. It’s much

easier to just stay away and not even bother.

Like you there are people of annoying personalities coming to mind right now, or a person

who betrayed you, or lied about you or someone who is or was hurt by the church. I

remember my pal who said,

###.

This is not the accepting I am talking about. That is the easy way out of our have-it-your-

way culture.

Accept that you were hurt and move on toward God.

Believe

One of my favourite authors Philip Yancey speaks of another way of reframing the gospel:

by illustrating Jesus as the physician "My doctor gives me moralism. 'You need to do this.

You must stop that.' I know that he cares about my health, so I don't resent it."

I think we need to believe this gospel of Jesus. He is the doctor and he came to heal the sick

and hurting. We can get our personal appointment with him during times of personal

reflection. We all need time to rest and time away to deal with our issues. Time to close

doors of bitterness, anger, and other unhealthy strongholds in our lives; during this time we

meditate on the truths of God to believe.

Community

We are part of the body of Christ.1 Cor. 12:21-22. It is general truths that people are not just offended by our beliefs, but by how we treat them. We therefore need to do our part of being the body of Christ well. By extending care and lending trust to other people. We need to slow down from our busy schedules and spend time with those psychologically

wounded and not just think about our peace of mind. Allow me to do what those in your community are to do for you if you were hurt or want to extend care to someone who was hurt.