Chapter 2n Great self-care is NOT selfish. It’s more selfish to continue being tired, cranky, less creative, resourceful, impatient, hurried, and harried. n When you think better,

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Chapter 2WEEK 3

Progress Not Perfection: Coaching Companion Workbook

PART I

Chapter 2

WEEK 3DAY 1 PAGES 19-57

22Progress Not Perfection: Coaching Companion Workbook

nAction is a part of the change process; however, action is not the first step to change. Without starting at the beginning of the process, you set yourself up to fail.

nFor decades, our culture has focused on looking better instead of living better.

nChange is not a group activity. It’s an individual task. You must create your own capacity for constant change.

nEvery choice you make impacts another area of your life in a ripple effect.nWhen your thinking changes, your beliefs change. Beliefs influence your actions. When your beliefs

align with what you desire, your actions begin to serve to fulfill your goals.nIt’s easier to be a martyr than mature.nYour family, clients, and peers don’t deserve the leftovers of who you are.nGreat self-care is NOT selfish. It’s more selfish to continue being tired, cranky, less creative,

resourceful, impatient, hurried, and harried.nWhen you think better, you choose better. When you choose better, you get better results.

Use these Training Tips and the following pages to help you think through what you read.

Journal Entry 3:1• Readchapter2ofthebook,highlightkeypointsandthoughts.

• Journalyouroverallreactionandkeytake-aways.• Definesuccess;whatwoulditlookliketoyou?• Howwoulditfeel?• Howwouldyou“be”ifyouweresuccessful?• Usethesequestions,thetrainingtipsabove,andthefollowingpagestohelpyouthinkthrough

what you read.

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Reflection requires a slowing down that’s unknown to most people today. Reflection allows you to integrate learning and make new ideas a part of yourself. Reflection is a synthesis of old and new that encourages insight and understanding. Without reflection, learning escapes.

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Wellness is both an attitude and a choice—a choice to be proactive about the quality of your life. Having a wellness vision enables you to be strategic in your approach to incorporating healthy habits consistently into your life.

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Journal Entry 3:2• Journalthoughtsaboutthinkingpatternsorhabitsyouhavegotteninto:1. Whatpositiveorreassuringcommentsdoyoumaketoyourself?

2. Describethecritical,diminishing,ornegativeself-talkstatementsyounotice running through your mind.

3. Writeouttherationalizationsyougiveyourselfthatkeepyoufromyour“bestchoice” in the moment. They may be positive or negative or neutral sounding.

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For decades, our culture has focused on looking better instead of living better.

Inthinkingbetter(not“stinkingthinking”),thefirststepisareflectivestep.Answerthefollowingquestionstiedtotwoorthreeofyourcurrentgoalsorchangesyouwouldliketomake:

1. Howwillyourlifeimproveorchangeifyouaccomplishthisgoal?

2. Howwillyousuccessfullyfollowthroughonyourproactivechoices?

3. Whowillhelporsupportyou?Howwillyouaskfortheirsupport?

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Contentment is the natural result of doing things to the best of your ability and letting the outcome go.

4. Howwillyounavigatetheobstaclesthatwillattempttogetinyourway?

You need a cease-fire in activity to develop a plan

to incorporate healthy, sustainable changes that will impact your joy,

your energy, and influence the world.

Journal Entry 3:3• Arethereanycriticalstepsyouhavemissedfromyourreflectionsfromyesterday? Ifyes,whatarethey?

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Today you will create your Life Vision (or you can focus on your Wellness Vision) taken from appendix C pages 308-309.

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Creating Your Life or Wellness Vision

Paint a picture of what you would like to have to be true about you and your life. If you write the elements down, include how you will feel, how youwillcarryyourself,howotherswithdescribeyou(physically),andexperienceyou(emotionally,intellectually,interpersonally,andspiritually).What would be true about your character and the congruence in the way youliveyourlife?

Write for thirty minutes without stopping. Let your thoughts, ideas, hopes, and dreams flow. You may actually write on a number of occasions over a week or two. Keep all your writing in one place. Once your ideas seem thoroughly written, pull out the key adjectives that define the person you’ve described. For instance, you may hear vitality, energy, health, strength, contentment, focus, joy, creativity pour forth from your writing. Write a statement that captures the essence of these descriptors which, if experienced in your life, would thrill you.

Make it a statement that you can own and get inspired by. If you were toreadittosomeone(ormemorizeitandsayit),wouldothersfeelyourconvictionandenergycapturedwithinit?

Example

“Iamawomanwholiveseachdaywithenergy,conviction,vitality,andjoy. I express my creativity in a way that focuses on those most important tome:myfamily,friends,andcommunity.Whilecontentwithmychoices,I continue to grow and learn, enjoying each day with health to drive me andpurposetokeepmetothecourse.”(Itdoesnotneedtobepoeticorperfectlywritten.It’syours!)

If your statement causes you to sit up straight or challenges you to be feisty about achieving your goals, you’ve nailed your vision statement. It can be focused on your health or your life. A life vision statement can also incorporate your wellness. The focus is up to you. The goal of your statement is to direct your choices and make them easier. Life is full of many great choices. Making the best choices is your goal.

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If you express yourself better artistically, you may want to paint, collage, or draw your vision. Or write music that says in lyrical ways what you would say verbally. Take your art or music and write the adjectives you see or hear in your creation to capture your vision.

After you have created your life or wellness vision, you can create the individual goals that will enable you to achieve your vision. Your wellness vision statement should capture your dream in a statement that does not list goals, but rather describes an outcome. You will set goals and objectives to make the dream/vision come to life.

Your Vision

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Thinking patterns and unwanted behaviors are often the driving factors behind unachieved goals and a dissatisfied life. Below you will find a list of examples from others. Check those you can relate to and add others not listed here.

Keepsmefromnotachievingmygoals:na lack of focus or discipline related to exercise, nutrition, sleep/rest needs.na pursuit of perfection in everything versus striving for excellence.nneverbelievingmyeffortsaregoodenough(thistendencyhasactuallybeenidentifiedbyDr.Valerie

YoungastheImpostorSyndromeandwillbediscussedmoreinchapter7).nof rejection, which prevents me from taking risks or dreaming beyond their current reality.nself-sabotage, which includes a variety of avoidance behaviors and poor self-talk.naddiction to achievement.na general lack of contentment.naninabilityorlackofawarenessastohowtosetboundariesandcreateconsequencesfornothonoring

those boundries.nlack of clarity about what is really needed and wanted in life.na lack of permission from myself to make my own health a priority.

n

n

n

Goal Setting ExerciseWrite your life/wellness vision statement here to act as a reminder and guide as to why you are selecting the goals you are. Write your goals using verbs that are measurable. See page 36 for a list of measurable verbs to help you get started.

Beforedrillingdowntospecificgoals,considertheanswerstothefollowingquestions.Seriouslyconsideryour answers honestly and reflectively.

TheoutcomesIwantformyhealth(orlife)are________________________________________________,_________________________________________________________________________________________,and_____________________________________________________________________________________.

Write out in succinct, clear language a goal you have:Whatismotivatingyoutoachievethisgoal?

Haveyouattemptedthisgoalbefore?

Ifno,skipthenextquestion.If yes, what is different now about you or your circumstances that makes you believe you are ready to diligentlyandpersistentlypursuethisgoal?

If nothing has changed, think deeply about what would motivate you to achieve this goal now. What is thatreasonormotivator?

Howwillyou,yourlife,oryourworkbedifferentwhenyouachievethisgoal?

Howdoesthisgoalsupportorenhanceyourlifeorwellnessvision?

If you haven’t written your vision and goals yet, you can come back later and make sure your goals fit with yourvision.Howwillyouknowyouaremakingprogresstowardyourgoal?

Atwhatpointalongthewaywillyourewardyourselfforyoureffort?

Howwillyourewardoracknowledgeyourself?

Howwillyouknowthegoalhasbeenachieved?

Willpeopleseeyouorexperienceyoudifferentlywhenyouachievethisgoal?Ifyes,inwhatway?

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Whowillsupportyouinachievingthisgoal?

Whomaygetinyourway?

Howwillyoudealwiththeirresistance?

Whatspecificsupportdoyouneed?Whatexactlywillyourequestofothers?

Whatotherobstaclescould/willmakeachievingthisgoalachallenge?

Listyourobstacles:For each obstacle, determine steps you can take to overcome these roadblocks.

Obstacle/Challenge: ___________________________

Strategiestoovercomethem: _______________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________________



_________________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________________



_________________________________________________________________________________________

_________________________________________________________________________________________

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ExampleOverall Goal: I will exercise three times a week. This supports my vision because I see myself as a healthy, active, vital woman, and exercise is a key component to that outcome.

The outcome I want is: The confidence I gain about myself when I exercise regularly. I also want to be at a healthy weight. I want to be more toned, strong, and flexible.

This goal for fitness has three components that I will need help in achieving. I want to be more toned (requiringsomestrengthtraining).Iwanttobestrong.(Muscularly,thatwillmeanstrengthtraining.Aerobically, that will mean running, walking, swimming, or some other activity that gets my heart rate up.)IfIwanttobemoreflexible,Iwillneedtodostretchingactivities.

Sub-goal of overall fitness goal: (Iwilldescribeonlyone.)I will walk three days a week for thirty minutes. I will strive to get my heart rate up to a challenging level by using my heart rate monitor to guide me.

My motivator is: I am getting older and can feel my capacity changing. I do not want to be limited and haveadiminishedlifequalitybecauseIwasn’tactivewhenIcouldhavebeen.Iamalsomotivatedbythefact I have more time because my children are in school or grown now. I am inspired by my older sister who has reduced her blood pressure through consistent exercise.

As I achieve this goal: I expect to be less fatigued, have more energy, and lose weight. I also expect to see myhealthstatistics(heartrate,bloodpressure)improve.Iwillhaveabetterqualityoflifeandfeelproudof my efforts.

One of the obstacles I will experience is my habit of putting everything else ahead of my exercise/activity time. I will need to schedule my exercise and not let any other activities take precedence.

My strategy will be:ReviewmyweekonSundaytoschedulemyexerciseintomyweeklyappointments.IwillkeepmywalkingshoesandheartratemonitorinthesameplaceeachdaysoIcanquicklyandeasilyget out the door. In the winter months, I will walk at our nearby indoor mall. I will repeat my vision statement to myself every day until it becomes a part of me.

I will ask:myneighborandgirlfriendCaroltodotwothings:#1,Iwillaskherifshewouldliketowalkwithme,and#2,Iwillstayaccountabletoherevenifshedoesn’twalk,reportingonhowIamdoingandwhat I am feeling.

I will ask that: she remind me of my promise to myself if I start to slack or become distracted from my new routine.

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MOSOS Goal Setting Grid(Motivator,Obstacles,Strategy,Outcome,Strengths)

Example Goal: I will work out four times a week.

Motivator Supports my value of taking care of my health.

Obstacles Not making the goal a priority; I let other priorities get in the way.

Strategy Plan and schedule activities and meals for the week, at least until I develop the new habits.

Outcome I will be taking care of my body, which will help my mind, reduce my stress, and make me feel happier.

Strengths I am organized and persistent.

Other comments

Motivator

Obstacles

Strategy

Outcome

Strengths

Other comments

Motivator

Obstacles

Strategy

Outcome

Strengths

Other comments

Motivator

Obstacles

Strategy

Outcome

Strengths

Other comments

Fill in the MOSOS grid for three of your key goals.

KnowledgeCompareDefineDescribe(Orally)Describe(InWriting)Designate

DistinguishExplainIdentifyItemizeLabelListName

ReciteRecognizeRecountRelateRepeatRetellSpecify

Spell OutStateTellTermWrite

SkillsActuateAdjustAdministerAlignAlterArrangeAssembleBuildCalibrate

ChangeCopyDemonstrateDesignDevelopExecuteFashionFormHandleInspect

MaintainManipulateMeasureMendOperatePerformPrepareProcessRecordRefashion

RegulateRemoveRepairReplaceServiceSetTuneUpWrite

AttitudeAcceptAdvocateAgreeAllowAnalyzeApprove

AssessBelieveChooseCollaborateComplyConform

CooperateDecideDefendEndorseEvaluatePick

RecommendSelectSupportTolerateVolunteer

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AVOID using these words or phrases as they are too general and are not measurable:know, think, cover, appreciate, learn, comprehend, remember, realize, perceive, understand, be aware of, be familiar with, have knowledge of, grasp the significance, study, become acquainted with.

Effective Goal Setting Language

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The following grid shows the stages of change across the top, and on the left are several habits people have. Mark the stage of change you are in for each habit, adding three of your goals from yesterday to the bottom of the list. We constantly move back and forth across the spectrum of change, but it is valuable to know where you stand today to know how far you’ve come each week, month, or year.

Today’sDate

Precon-templation

Contemp-lation

Preparation Action Maintenance Termination

HealthyNutrition

Sleep

Exercise

MoreRelaxation

Better Boundary Setting

More Family Time

More Friend Time

Less Chaotic Pace

Hobby

Goal 1

Goal2

Goal 3

Each of us as individuals must create our own capacity for constant change.

Additional Notes


Documents

Chapter 2n Great self-care is NOT selfish. It’s more selfish to continue being tired, cranky, less creative, resourceful, impatient, hurried, and harried. n When you think better,