Caring for Aging Parents and Your Kids

8/8/2019 Caring for Aging Parents and Your Kids

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the phenomenon of the “Sandwich Generation”

iS here to Stay. iS your family ready?



doeS MoM Like You BeST?

Family care expectations are more emotional than pragmatic.

Whether they’re discussed or not, studies have shown that most amilies

develop distinct care expectations, usually alling on one adult child,

and most oten a daughter. Those expectations are rooted in emotional

connections and perceived shared values more than availability.

“Mom’s not thinking o things like: ‘Is my daughter married? Does she

have children? Does she have problems that might prevent her being a

good caregiver? Does she have the resources to b e a good caregiver?’”

said Karl Pillemer, a gerontologist at Cornell University, explaining the results

o one such study to The New York Times. “Being married or being a parent

didn’t matter at all. Being employed only mattered a little.”

inTro To The phenoMenonAccording to the National Family Caregivers Association, more than 50million Americans provide care or a chronically ill, disabled or aged amily

member or riend during any given year, and that number is growing.

Adult children are oten rst in line to care or their aging parents.But what i those adult children are still raising children o their own?

This is the burgeoning challenge aced by an entire “Sandwich Generation”o amily caregivers.

When added to the many responsibilities o their own daily lives,including work and raising their own amily, caring or a loved onewith declining health can be quite an undertaking.

In addition to the physical and nancial strain o “being everywhere at once,” Sandwich Generation caregivers bear a complicated emotional burden.

The worry, pain and sorrow they already eel over a parent’s illness arecompounded by the demanding challenges o caregiving.

Feelings o powerlessness and guilt are prevalent in amily caregivers —or repeatedly having to “choose” one amily need over another, or eeling

that no choice can ever be the “right” one, and even or eeling they haveno choice at all.

The challenges are real and daunting, and more amilies are acingthem every day.





The chaLLengeS of caring

for an aging parenT

eMoTionaL/MenTaL • phYSicaL • financiaL

It’s not easy to become a parent to a parent. Without the proper resources,this delicate role reversal can strain both ends o a relationship, especiallywhen it’s combined with the stress, anxiety and pain o an illness.

Caregivers commonly report that it’s most dicult to make time or themselves,

manage emotional and physical stress, and balance work and amilyresponsibilities. Many are at risk o becoming patients themselves,primarily due to these unmet needs. As care demands progressively increase,greater health efects are measured on caregivers.

On average, caregivers to persons age 50 or over report more than $5,500in out-o-pocket spending annually. The cost in time is even greater.AARP conservatively values the unpaid hours o amily caregivers at $375billion annually.

• More than $1,000 or every man, woman and child in the United States

• And 37% o caregivers report that they had to reduce their work hoursor quit their jobs completely to handle their care responsibilities.

– Diary excerpt,

Evercare Study of Family Caregivers



The iMporTance of

oBTaining SupporT in

caring for aging parenTSDespite the growing commonality o caring or aging relatives, it all toooten remains a solitary endeavor or caregivers, many o whom providemost or all o their care alone.

Caregivers tend to ocus on their loved one at the expense o their ownwell-being, and they are oten reluctant to share duties or ask or help.Feelings o guilt and responsibility can make it very dicult torequest assistance, or even to accept it when it’s ofered.

Caregivers endure increased risks o depression and illness, especially i they don’t receive enough support. It is important or caregivers to realizethat being exhausted, stressed or “burned out” will diminish the quality o care they can provide.

The old axiom rings especially true or the Sandwich Generation: in orderto care or others, you have to care or yoursel.

warning SignS of caregiver STreSS

• Anger• Guilt• Anxiety/irritability

• Exhaustion• Inability to concentrate• Depression• Thoughts o harm to sel or others• Weight loss



One o the best support strategies or caregivers is to make sure they are aware o

and understand the resources that are available to them.

The thought o engaging outside respite services makes many amily

caregivers uncomortable, but the benets can be twoold:

1. Caregivers get the assistance they desperately need.

2. They also learn how to provide better care or their loved one.

reSpiTe care

Respite care provides short-term, temporary relie rom caregiving responsibilities.

Many times, a little bit o help goes a long way, whether it’s the reedom to run a

ew errands, pick the kids up rom school, or simply take a much-needed break.Respite care gives family caregivers some time for themselves and for other personal

and family matters, and it’s available for both recurring and on-demand needs.

aSSiSTance froM an rn/Lpn/cna

When care demands exceed the medical capabilities o a amily caregiver,

proessional nursing assistance becomes a necessity, both or the patient’s well-

being and or the amily’s peace o mind.

• Certied nursing assistants (CNAs) provide personal care services and assist withdaily living activities.

• Registered nurses (RNs) and licensed practical nurses (LPNs) supervise CNAs

and are urther qualied to administer medications and perorm advanced

medical procedures.

Bringing proessional care into the home can allow patients to remain in their most

comortable and amiliar surroundings without sacricing saety or disrupting the

care plans prescribed by doctors. Nurses are also wonderul sources o inormation

or both caregivers and patients, helping both to better understand and care or

their specic needs.

pediaTric, newBorn and diSaBLed care

Family care needs aren’t always age dependent. Something as common as a

broken bone or the arrival o a new baby can complicate lie in a hurry. I a child

already has special needs, caring or an aging parent can be even more dicult

to manage.

Families now have a wide range o care options to respond to both expected and

unexpected needs at any age, whether the condition is temporary or chronic.

Always remember: You are not alone! Countless amilies ace the very samecircumstances, and care options are expanding to meet these growing needs.

reSourceS/TipS for caring for an aging faMiLY MeMBer–reSpiTe care, aSSiSTance froM an rn/cna, eTc.



Ten TipS for faMiLY caregiverS froM The

naTionaL faMiLY caregiverS aSSociaTion

1. Choose to take charge o your lie, and don’t letyour loved one’s illness or disability always take

center stage.

2. Remember to be good to yoursel. Love, honor and

value yoursel. You’re doing a very hard job and you

deserve some quality time, just or you.

3. Watch out or signs o depression, and don’t delay

in getting proessional help when you need it.

4. When people ofer to help, accept the ofer and

suggest specic things that they can do.

5. Educate yoursel about your loved one’s condition.

Inormation is empowering.

6. There’s a diference between caring and doing. Beopen to technologies and ideas that promote your

loved one’s independence.

7. Trust your instincts. Most o the time they’ll lead

you in the right direction.

8. Grieve or your losses, and then allow yoursel to

dream new dreams.

9. Stand up or your rights as a caregiver and

a citizen.

10. Seek support rom other caregivers. There is great

strength in knowing you are not alone.



faMiLY caregiver aLLianceFounded in 1977, Family Caregiver Alliance (FCA) wasthe rst community-based nonprot organization inthe country to address the needs o amilies and riendsproviding long-term care at home. Long recognized as apioneer in health services, FCA now ofers programs atnational, state and local levels to support andsustain caregivers.

Visit FCA online at www.caregiver.org

faMiLY caregiving 101

A joint efort by the National Family Caregivers Association(NFCA) and the National Alliance or Caregiving (NAC) torecognize, support and advise amily caregivers.

Their outreach program is called“Family Caregiving: It’s not all up to you.”

Visit Family Caregiving 101 online at www.familycaregiving101.org

The naTionaL aLLiance for caregivingEstablished in 1996, The National Alliance or Caregiving (NAC)is a non-prot coalition o national organizations ocusingon issues o amily caregiving. Alliance members includegrassroots organizations, proessional associations,service organizations, disease-specic organizations,a government agency, and corporations.

Visit the NAC online at www.caregiving.org

The naTionaL faMiLY caregiverS aSSociaTion

The National Family Caregivers Association (NFCA) educates,supports, empowers and speaks up or the more than 50million Americans who care or loved ones with a chronicillness or disability or the railties o old age.

Visit the NFCA online at www.thefamilycaregiver.org

You are noT aLone:

SoMe faMiLY caregiving reSourceS



BroughT To You BY BrighTSTar

We know how overwhelming the responsibility o caring or a amily member can be.We once needed help caring or a loved one, but didn’t know where to turn to give her

the quality o care, and the quality o lie, she deserved.

At BrightStar, our mission is to go above and beyond to Make More Possible — more joy, more comort,more security, more quality, more time, more peace o mind. Helping people is more than just our mission;

it’s our passion. It’s what makes us truly shine — knowing that we’re making a real diference by bringing moreto the lives o others every day.

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Caring for Aging Parents and Your Kids