Being a Grandparent to Twins, Triplets or More

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Being a Grandparent to Twins,Triplets or MoreHearing you’re going to become a grandparent to twins, triplets or more can be a bit ofa shock. Some grandparents say they didn't quite know how to respond when they gotthe news. Hearing that you’re going to be a grandparent to one child can be life-changing. Becoming a grandparent to two (or even three or four) grandchildren at thesame time can lead to significant lifestyle adjustments for you as well as the parents. Itis common to have dozens of questions flying round your head, not least of all, “Howwill they cope?” Followed by, “How can I help them?”Hopefully this factsheet will help. It has been put together using top tips from thosewho know - grandparents of twins, triplets and more!

A multiple birth pregnancy is differentfrom a singleton pregnancy right fromthe beginning as it is classed as a'higher risk pregnancy'. The number ofhospital appointments the mother-to-beis required to attend is higher; this willinclude additional ultrasound scans,consultant and midwife appointmentsand women pregnant with multiplesgrow bigger faster and sooner thanwomen expecting just one baby. By the beginning of the third trimester(28 weeks) most mothers-to-be are thesize that mothers of singletons are at 40weeks. As a result they are often muchmore tired, and find everyday tasksphysically more difficult and drainingmuch earlier in their pregnancy. With a multiple birth pregnancythere can often be heightened emotionsand worries and anxieties about howthey will cope when the babies arrive.Another important point to note is thatmany twins and triplets arrive early -over 50% before 37 weeks. For more information about multiplebirth pregnancies you can downloadTamba’s 'Healthy Multiple PregnancyGuide' from our website. Knowing that grandparents are a keypart of the essential multiple parents’ tool

kit for coping, we asked our communityof grandparents to pass on theirknowledge and experience in order tohelp other expectant grandparents. Hereare their top tips:

overwhelming,” “What a gift,” and “Thebest experience ever - twice the work buttwice the fun.” However not everyone embraces thechallenge straight away. You may haveworries about your own age, health andability to cope, so take your time to workout how you can rise to the challengesahead without over-committing yourself.As one grandparent said, “Don’t bedaunted by the prospect of twins - it's themost rewarding and joyful experienceimaginable.” And a grandparent totriplets said, “Although it was a verychallenging time for us all, we got threetimes the joy.”

TOP TIPS FOR GRAND-PARENTS OF TWINSTRIPLETS OR MORETip 1 - Embrace and enjoy being agrandparent of multiples.It is often said that becoming a grand-parent is one of the joys of becoming older. From our survey it was very clear thatmany respondents found being agrandparent of multiples very enjoyable.When asked how they felt about being agrandparent to multiples, responsesincluded, “It’s amazing,” “It’s a fantasticexperience,” “The love you feel is

Tamba surveyed morethan 330 grandparents

of multiples in 2015.The findings confirmedthat grandparents arethe key to support forparents of multiples,

both during and afterthe pregnancy.

https://www.tamba.org.uk/pregnancy/finding-out


Grandparents’ Factsheet Tamba -Twins and Multiple Births Association Page 2

Tip 2 - Help and support the parents.Help comes in many forms and is oftenwelcomed when offered, both duringthe pregnancy and once the babiesarrive. The type of help offered cancome in lots of different forms includinghelping care for older grandchildren,assistance with housework, shopping,cooking meals etc. As one grandparenttold us, “Never underestimate howmuch you are needed during those firstmonths. My daughter had a one yearold too at the time the twins arrived.Without additional help I am sure shewould have been vulnerable to postnataldepression. Help and support from us, Ibelieve, avoided this happening.” Many new parents can find it hard toask for help so remember to be practicaland suggest ways you might be able tohelp. New parents don't always realisehow helpful an extra pair of hands canbe and some may be reluctant to ask.As one grandparent put it, “Parents needa lot of reassurance and support to keepmorale high through the early difficultdays and nights.” Other advice fromgrandparents includes:

The initial support is veryimportant, more so than after

having just singletons.”“Offer as much help as you canto the new parents, making

the odd meal, taking older siblings forsleepovers so mum / dad can spendtime with twins to get a routinesorted, and let them have the odd liein at weekends.”

“If I had that time again Iwould have gone down to stay

and help out more often, and forlonger, in order to try and stave offthe ‘emergencies’. In my case I wasafraid to be seen as an interferingmother-in-law even though mydaughter-in-law never ever made mefeel that way. Perhaps having a gooddiscussion well before the birth wouldhave ensured that that didn't happenand more appropriate help wouldhave been provided sooner.”

“

In our survey, grand-parents of multipleswere asked what helpthey were able to givetheir sons or daughtersbefore the birth:

(Survey respondents could choose more thanone answer for this question)

40PERCENT

40% providedfinancial support.

37% helped lookafter othergrandchildren.

61% gave practicaladvice and supportwith buying

equipment.61PERCENT

37PERCENT

34PERCENT

34% accompanied themother-to-be to

antenatal appointments.

Only 10% were unable togive any help during thepregnancy, with 8%because they lived too

far away.

10PERCENT

Often it can be difficult to juggle thehelp that you want to give with the helpthat is needed. Communication is really

important here and some parents canfind it hard to ask for help. It cantherefore be a bit of a learning curve forall concerned. This can be especiallytrue when new parents are sleep-deprived and anxious. It is a good idea to talk to theparents about the type of help theywould appreciate and the type of helpyou are able and would like to provide,before the births. This will give you allan opportunity to find common groundbefore everyone starts getting exhaustedand emotional. If you are unsure of what to offer, orfeel hurt because your offers arerejected, you may want to talk tosomeone neutral outside the family.Tamba’s helpline 'Twinline' is useful foranyone involved in the care ofmultiples. Twinline is open 365 days ayear from 10am to 1pm and 7pm to

10pm. Just call 0800 138 0509 to talk toone of our trained volunteers.

Tip 3 - Looking after twins, triplets ormore is tiring and hard work.There is no doubt that looking aftertwins, triplets or more can be hard workand will be very tiring. This is true notjust for the parents, but also for thegrandparents. You may feel you want to help yourson or daughter by babysitting theirmultiples, but at the same time beworried about how you will cope withthe work, and maybe how you will copephysically with the demands. Some grandparents offered theirviews on the reality of caring for theirmultiple-birth grandchildren:

I found it difficult to take twintoddlers out and about

because I found that whilst attendingto one twin the other twin wouldescape.”“

The main difficulty now thatI'm older is picking them up.

Their Mum makes juggling twotoddlers seem easy but I do struggle.”“

Get in lots of rest when atyour house, so you’re able to

help fully when you are at her house.You will be exhausted after a day attheir’s.”“The grandparents we spoke to gavesome useful advice for how to cope withthe difficulty that caring for twins,triplets or more can cause. In particularthey emphasised the importance ofsetting boundaries and not lettingyourself struggle too much, so that thehelp and support you give actually lastslonger into the future because you arenot overwhelmed or too tired out.

Do not take on too much.Then you can be realistic in

the amount of care you can give yourgrandchildren over the years ahead.Ongoing support is vital.”“

Be clear about what you areable to offer, especially if you

have other commitments e.g. work orif you have older parents to care for.”“


Tip 4 - Respect the parents’ wishes.Some Grandparents told us they hadvery strong views about how thingsshould be done, especially as parentingwill have changed since they were aparent. Attempts at providing supportthen became charged with emotion forall concerned, especially when opinionsdiffer significantly. The advice from our grandparentcommunity is that it is vital to focus onthe needs of all the children first and toprovide support to the parents byfollowing their lead on the way theywant to parent their children. Even ifthis means the grandparents have tolearn new ways to do things. As onegrandparent said in their surveyresponse “Don't ever suggest how theyare doing things is wrong; they will findtheir feet. Do things how they ask youto, not how you think it should be done.They are their children, not yours. Youcan only advise.” It may be useful to read some of theresources available to new parents, tofamiliarise yourself with what thecurrent trends and recommendationsare surrounding pregnancy, birth andparenting generally as well asspecifically multiples. There is lots ofinformation on the Tamba website. It is likely there will be many changessince you were in their position, but alsomany similarities as well. The chancesare the biggest differences will be to dowith their multiple birth status and thiswill be a steep and new learning curvefor the whole family, parents andgrandparents. Whilst you may be eager to spendlots of time with your newgrandchildren and want to help out, tryand remember that the new family alsoneed some time to work out a routinefor themselves. Again goodcommunication is vital. Another tipfrom your fellow grandparents is that

when you do help out it is important toaim to try and stick to the routine theparents have put in place.

Give as much help as you canand stand back to give the

new parents some family time.”“Be prepared, both for theadded work but also for the

parent’s anxiety over their multiplesgetting out of their routine.”“

Grandparents ofmultiples were askedwhat Tamba resourcesthey had used:

(Survey respondents could choose more thanone answer for this question)

7PERCENT

7% had visited theTamba Facebook page.

7% had read some ofTamba’s booklets.

18% of grandparentshad visited Tamba’swebsite.

18PERCENT

7PERCENT

5% had attended one ofour Practical Preparing

for Parenthoodregional seminars.

Only 1% had phoned‘Twinline’ - Tamba’stelephone helpline -

available to anyone caringfor multiples.

1PERCENT

5PERCENT

Tip 5 - Treat each child as anindividual.Arguably one of the most importantroles a grandparent can have is simplyto spend time with your grandchildren.This is especially true as they grow olderand begin to display their ownindividual personalities, strengths, likesand dislikes. As some of ourgrandparents said, “Get to know them

as individuals, not as one of a pair, fromthe very start,” and “Treat them asindividuals; don't expect them to be thesame and like the same things and wantto do the same things just because theyare twins.” Developing individuality is a veryimportant aspect of personaldevelopment for twins, triplets or moreand there are lots of ways grandparentscan help the family to achieve this. Takea look at the resources on our websiteto support the development ofindividuality in multiples. The care of twins, triplets or moreoften focuses on a routine simply to geteverything done, but this can leave lesstime to tend to each child's individualdifferences. This is especially true forfamilies with twins, triplets or more,because their parents usually havelimited time available to give each childindividual attention. As a grandparent you can really helpto ensure that each child gets theindividual attention they need. You canget to have fun without worrying (asmuch) about the mundane tasks thatthe parents face every day. By givingeach baby attention you can get toknow their individual personalities, likesand dislikes. Here’s what a couple grandparentshad to say about this:

Try to have both grandparentsaround when babysitting as

the children are individuals and oftenwant to do separate things.”““

They are very much individualpersonalities. Recently we

have been having one at a time forsleepovers. We feel this hasbenefitted everyone - one less athome and, for the child, grandma’sand grandpa's undivided attention.”

“However, in all the joy of the newarrivals it is very important to rememberany older siblings in the family. Theysuddenly go from being the centre ofattention to having to share theattention with not one but two or morenew brothers or sisters. Grandparentscan be a huge help in this area of familylife too.


Grandparents ofmultiples were asked ifthey helped out withchildcare so the parentscould go to work:

17PERCENT

17% helped outoccasionally so the

parents could work.

8% helped out rarelyso the parents could goto work.

50% of grandparentshelped out with child-care regularly so the

parents could work.50PERCENT

8PERCENT

24PERCENT

24% never helped withchildcare to allow the

parents to work.

Tip 6 - Stay calm!New babies can create stress in anyhousehold and the arrival of several newbabies at once can be even morestressful. Our grandparent community told usthat the best way of dealing with theadded stress and workload that twins,triplets or more often bring with them,is to try very hard to remain calm.Whilst this might be easier said thandone, it is a tip repeated often bygrandparents and parents. Being patient with yourself is vital, asoften even routine tasks with multiplescan take longer than expected. Mostsituations, no matter how overwhelming,can seem a little easier if you pause totake a deep breath, step back and calmdown. Tips from fellow grandparentsinclude looking at the ‘problem’ logicallyand as a ‘challenge’. They advisedividing tasks into smaller chunks anddoing them in order of priority, one at atime. The ability to stay calm in a crisis notonly helps you to cope with caring foryour grandchildren, but can beinvaluable when the overtired parents

are having a particularly difficult time.It’s also not only the parents who canpick up on, and take some comfortfrom, a more relaxed atmosphere. Thebabies will sense this too and willhopefully be a little calmer themselves.

They're just children. Don’t bescared by the fact there’s more

than one. One at a time works justfine.”“Keep calm when they all cry at

once and try to stick with theroutine.”“Try not to worry too much, or

if you do, don't let the parentsknow.”“Tip 7 - Be OrganisedOne of the best ways to make sure youhave the ability to remain calm is to beprepared for any eventuality, and thisbegins with good organisation. Several of our grandparents said to‘baby proof everything!’ And try tocreate a sort of home from homeenvironment at your home so that whenyour grandchildren visit, you don't haveto worry about things getting broken, orthem getting hurt. Plan ahead and prepare for anypossibilities that could cause a stressfulsituation. For example, keep a few sparenappies or a change of clothes for thebabies that you can whip out in anemergency. The same tip is useful if youare visiting them or going to stay. Grandparents told us that packingspare clothes, comfy clothes and shoesand other useful items you might needhelped reduce their stress levels. Beingin a household with two or more tinybabies who feed and sleep in two tothree hourly cycles can be tiring for allconcerned so try to rest up before yougo and visit because you may get onlylimited rest or sleep once you’re there. Here are a few of tips from fellowgrandparents: 67% of grandparents

who responded to oursurvey had other

grandchildren as wellas their multiples.

Routine - ask parents to writedown as far as possible the

routine they are trying to follow withthe babies. Make notes of medicationamounts, telephone contacts etc.”“

Keep all your essentialspacked in a case. Add clothes

for comfort when you are going tohelp out. Remember your chargers forphones and cameras as theirs mightbe run down.”“

Be prepared for theunexpected! Be organised -

have everything you need to hand andtry to enlist the help and support offriends and family.”“Tip 8 - Look after yourself.When you become a grandparent, youwill obviously be significantly older thanwhen you became a parent. Whilst it isnatural to want to help the parents asmuch as you can, it is important thatyou acknowledge your personallimitations and remember to look afteryourself as well. Young children are full of energy andwith twins, triplets or more this ismultiplied! Feedback from ourgrandparent community told us thatthey often found it tiring looking aftertheir multiple grandchildren. Somefound that this was compounded byother personal issues such as ill health,or having the responsibilities of othercommitments such as work or elderlyparents to care for. Being clear about how much you canrealistically help is vital, and don't beafraid to say if you need to slow thingsdown a little or enlist an extra pair ofhands to help you out when caring foryour grandchildren. Whilst the newparents will appreciate any help you cangive them, they will not want it to be atyour own detriment. So try not to letyour own day-to-day chores andimportant tasks such as appointmentsgo undone or unattended. By pacing yourself realistically youcan make sure you are around to helpand in good health for as long as

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possible so you can carry on with yourkey role as grandparent to multiples formany years to come. Here are some tips from othergrandparents:

Try to be as fit and healthy aspossible - you will need the

energy!”“Just hope you are agrandparent at an earlier age

because you need heaps of energy, andat 65 years I am worried I will not havethe energy for too many years help.”“

Make sure you still reservesome time for yourselves.”“Be clear about what you areable to offer, especially if you

have other commitments e.g. work orolder parents to care for.”“Tip 9 - Be flexible and open-minded.Flexibility and open mindedness wereskills that our grandparents thought wereimportant. You may already have an ideaabout what life with multiples might belike but reality can be very different.Every child and every family is unique. Sometimes the parents might have tomake choices which aren’t the path youwould have personally chosen. Manymultiples come with additionalconsiderations and situations that willrequire difficult decisions parents ofsingletons might not encounter. Thesecan include decisions during pregnancy,premature delivery of the babies andeven hospital stays. Once the babies arrive families canfind that they become isolated becauseof difficulties leaving the house withmore than one baby or they can facefinancial and work difficulties due to theincredibly high cost of childcare for twoor more young children at once. As the grandparent you may have tosit back and watch your childrenstruggle and make difficult decisions. Animportant role is to listen to theirconcerns and then support whateverpath they choose and be ready to helpin whatever way you can, with whateversituation arises.

I really was open to anythinghappening and took it a day at

a time.”“Be prepared for a steeplearning curve.”“It was a learning process forme as we went along, which

was not a problem. Childcare hasmoved on in so many ways.”“Just be ready to help wherever

needed but allow the parentsto do as much as they want and cando for themselves.”“Tip 10 - Be prepared to learn.From the moment you find out your sonor daughter is expecting twins, triplets ormore, there will be a continualopportunity for learning. If you try andembrace this new situation, new identityand new role in your child’s life, it willmake for a most rewarding experience. From a ‘high risk’ pregnancy, caring fortwo or more babies, new childcarepractices, what the role of a grandparentmeans to you and your family, down toliteral things like medical terms andprocedures for premature babies, you willbe learning and adapting to thisunpredictable life changing event. Many things you will find you arelearning by experience, right alongsideyour own child. Other things you mayhave to sit back and let your child, (oranother grandparent or a doctor / nurse)teach you. Here's what other grandparents had tosay about their learning journey on theroad to becoming a multiplesgrandparent:

Your own experience of beinga mother of 'singletons' is

hardly ever going to translate totwins! That's ok. You're all learningtogether. You're there to support andencourage and listen.”“

Realise, if premature, that youare actually getting them to

their expected birth date and not toworry about them being a littlebehind in their development.”“

It's only when you meet a newsituation on a daily basis that

you always wish you knew more thanyou did! I was glad that my daughtermade me aware of TAMBA andpointed me towards sources ofinformation. We were both learningat the same time”

“

HEAR WHAT OTHERGRANDPARENTS OFMULTIPLES HAVE TO SAYTo accompany this factsheet, Tambahave put together a compilation ofstories from other grandparents of twins,triplets or more. ‘Grandparents’ PersonalStories’ features lots of experiences fromgrandparents written in their own words,and includes lots more useful advice.

FREQUENTLY ASKEDQUESTIONS (FAQs)Also accompanying this factsheet areTamba’s FAQs for grandparents of twins,triplets or more. It features detailedanswers to frequently asked questions.




FAQs for Grandparents of Twins,Triplets or More!Answers to frequent questions asked by grandparents of twins, triplets or more. Youshould also read Tamba’s factsheet, Being a Grandparent to Twins, Triplets or Moreand Grandparents’ Personal Stories that we produced along with these FAQs.

FAQ 1 - What can I do toprepare for the arrival ofmy grandchildren?With all the talk of learning as you goalong and from experience, you mightwonder what you can do now to helpprepare you for the arrival of yourgrandchildren? The key to being ready isto gather as much information andsources of support as you can foryourself as well as the parents-to-be andyour grandchildren, before they arrive. You could get in touch with othergrandparents of multiples and go alongto antenatal or special multiples groupswith your son / daughter before thebirth. At the request of our grandparentcommunity, Tamba are developing asecret Facebook group for grandparents,so if you'd like to join this group, [email protected] for details.

Contact TAMBA and accept allhelp when offered. Attend any

coffee mornings with othergrandparents.”“It may also be useful preparation to getyourself fit and healthy and try to sortout the important things in your ownlife that you may have been putting off.That way there is less to worry about inthe early days after your grandchildrenarrive. Practical things like buying a fewbaby essentials either for your ownhome when the grandchildren visit or togive to the parents is also greatpreparation.

A multiple pregnancy is classed as morehigh risk than a single pregnancy, so theexpectant mother will be attendingmore hospital appointments than if shewere expecting one baby. The motherwill be regularly and closely monitored,as the pregnancy progresses, by a rangeof healthcare professionals. Usefulinformation is available from the NHSin their NICE Guidelines for Multiple

Seek out information abouttwins and multiples and

family issues around having twinsand multiples, e.g. using Tambapublications, books, websites etc.”

Learn as much as you canabout multiple births before

their arrival. Also learn about thepossibility of them being prematureand the Special Care Baby Unitbecause it can be a scary time and ifyou are prepared you might be betterable to support your son / daughter.”

““

FAQ 2 - I've heard multiplebirth pregnancies are highrisk - is that true?

Pregnancy which give more detailsabout what you can expect. It’s alsoworth reading Tamba’s Healthy MultiplePregnancy Guide. It might be helpful, if the mother ishappy with the idea, to attend some ofher appointments with her, especially ifproblems arise and a difficult pregnancyand birth are anticipated. It will be useful to become asinformed as possible about the progressof the pregnancy, so that you can tryand remain calm to support the parentswho may be very worried. Often there isa lot of information to take in anddecisions to be made, so it may behelpful to attend with the mother if thepartner cannot be present. Some hospitals run special twin andtriplet antenatal courses, which areanother great source of information.Not all hospitals run these specialantenatal courses but Tamba run avariety of courses right across the UK.The most popular is the regional two-hour seminar called Practical Preparingfor Parenthood which is run by trainedfacilitators who are all parents of twinsor triplets themselves. This course is alsorun as an online webinar. Details can befound on our website. If you do not attend any of thesecourses or appointments, make a pointof asking the parents-to-be about all theinformation they have been told. Notonly will it demonstrate an interest, itwill improve your understanding andmay well help them to consolidate theinformation and come to decisionsthemselves.

http://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/cg129/informationforpublic

http://www.nice.org.uk/guidance/cg129/informationforpublic



https://www.tamba.org.uk/Courses

https://www.tamba.org.uk/Courses

https://www.tamba.org.uk/courses/course-menu

Grandparents’ FAQs Tamba -Twins and Multiple Births Association Page 2

FAQ 3 - We live quite adistance from ourgrandchildren-to-be, howcan be still be involvedand supportive?However you decide to keep in touch, asa long-distance grandparent you willneed the help of your own children tomake this possible. Discuss yourconcerns and ask for their help andcooperation in maintaining a closerelationship with your grandchildren. Your grandchildren are being borninto the era of technology and will likelybe taught at an increasingly young ageto use computers and tablets, mobilephones, interactive television, theinternet and various other techy things.Naturally one of the best ways to keep intouch when you live a long distancefrom your family is to utilise thistechnology! Mobile phones andwebcams now provide live video chatcapacity so you can see yourgrandchildren when talking to them.Children are owning (or able to use theirparents) mobile phones at anincreasingly younger age. Use this toyour advantage and phone them at atime you know they will be able to chatto you, for example when you know theywill be in the car on the way back from aclub! If you are not sure or confident abouthow to use these types of devices, I'msure your children might be able toteach you, or there are various freecourses in which you can learn andimprove your confidence. Beyond Skypeand digital photos and the routine ‘howwas your day’ messages, you can interactmore fully with your grandchildren bydoing things like playing online card orboard games with them.

Don't under estimate the power of aletter for staying in touch with oldergrandchildren! Not only will they beexcited to receive their very own letters,but it will also be really helpful forimproving their education, giving thema chance to practice spelling, writingand handwriting whilst developing aspecial relationship with you. Of coursethese letters can also be exchanged viaemail along with photos, virtualgreeting cards and other little thingswhich keep communication open andhelp build a warm and lovingrelationship between you and yourgrandchildren. If you live a long way away then youmight find it better to arrange longerstays when you can visit. Somegrandparents have even still managedto provide regular childcare whilst livinga long distance away!

I feel like I lead two lives. Mygrandchildren live too far

away to travel to daily, so I stay over afew days each week. I have done thissince the start and it works well for usall.”“

If regular visits really are not an option,it might be possible to arrange a familyholiday annually or to meet in themiddle between your two homes?However much you see them or don't,the most important thing is to make themost of any time and communicationyou do have with your grandchildren.

FAQ 4 - Why is it soimportant to treat twins,triplets or more asindividuals?It is important to treat twins, triplets ormore as individuals because... they areindividuals! Non-identical multiples are no moresimilar than any other sibling pair; theysimply share a birthday. Identical twinsor triplets might share DNA and lookincredibly similar but they usuallydevelop very different personalitiesincluding their preferences, their skillsand their temperaments too.

Offering choices to each child is veryimportant and allows them to developtheir own likes and dislikes. When theyare small, choices such as what clothesto wear, or which toy they want to playwith, encourages independence andindividuality. You may find they chooseexactly the same things! Or they maynot! As they grow older, it can also beused as a very useful tool to dispersejealously and unhealthy levels ofcompetition if each child has developedtheir own sense of self and has gonedown their own path. Being a twin or triplet and sharingthroughout your life can be challenging.Here at Tamba we believe that childrenand families should be supported inhelping their multiples developopportunities for individuality. There ismore information on this on ourwebsite. Each child must be given theopportunity to grow up and enjoy thejourney of self-discovery and selfreliance. Twins are often said to have a veryspecial bond, but that doesn't meanthey have to do everything together. Inthe same way that couples do not haveto spend every moment together. It isoften good for twins, triplets or more tohave experiences on their own and thencome back together afterwards to sharethese experiences with their sibling(s). Mums and Dads of multiples mayhave limited time to give one-to-oneattention to each child. So an importantrole of a grandparent of multiples couldbe to spend more one-to-one time witheach grandchild. You could have onechild at a time over to stay, giving youspecial time with just them, whilstallowing the parents to have moreindividual time with the other child /children. Here are some tips from grandparentsof multiples on individuality:

Try not to label them as twinsso that their individuality

shines through. Make sure that theirolder sister/s and brother/s still havespecial times with you. And love 'emall loads for who they are!”“

https://www.tamba.org.uk/Parenting/Preschool-Years/Encouraging-Individuality



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Treat them as individuals butrealise at times they will want

the same thing. Getting the balanceright is not always straightforward.”

Don't favour one above theother, though this applies to

parents and grandparents of morethan one child, regardless of twins etc.Enjoy them and celebrate theirindividuality, but also celebrate theirtwinness.”

““

LINKS TO OTHERSOURCES OF SUPPORTAND INFORMATIONHere are a range of additional sources ofinformation and support forgrandparents of twins, triplets or more:

GrannynetThis is the definitive website forgrandmothers. Here you’ll find trustedadvice and friendly chat, combiningmodern knowledge with traditionalvalues.www.grannynet.co.uk

Age UK - computer training coursesAge UK offer free computer trainingcourses that may come in useful forkeeping in touch with your children andyour grandchildren.www.ageuk.org.uk/work-and-learning/technology-and-internet/computer-training-courses

Family LivesFamily LIves offer support and advice forparents and families includinggrandparents.www.familylives.org.uk/advice/your-family/stepfamilies/stepfamilies-and-the-wider-family/grandparents-and-stepfamilies

Grandparents PlusA national charity which champions thevital role of grandparents and the widerfamily in children's lives - especiallywhen they take on the caring role indifficult family circumstances.www.grandparentsplus.org.uk

The Grandparents’ AssociationA national charity which supports allgrandparents and their families. Theynot only celebrate the joys ofgrandparenting, but their helpline andtheir expert advice is there to help you,whatever your problem.www.grandparents-association.org.uk

Remember that you can also callTamba’s Twinline on 0800 138 0509.Twinline is Tamba's free telephonehelpline open 365 days a year from

10am to 1pm and 7pm to 10pm.Twinine's trained volunteers are there

to listen and support parents,grandparents and anyone caring for

twins, triplets or more. All ourvolunteers are parents of twins or

triplets themselves.

HEAR WHAT OTHERGRANDPARENTS OFMULTIPLES HAVE TO SAYTo accompany this factsheet, Tambahave put together a compilation ofstories from other grandparents of twins,triplets or more. ‘Grandparents’ PersonalStories’ features lots of experiences fromgrandparents written in their own words,and includes lots more useful advice.

GRANDPARENTS’FACTSHEETThese FAQs accompany Tamba’sfactsheet for grandparents of multiples.It contains top tips that will help withyour twins, triplets or more.

The Healthy MultiplePregnancy Guide

https://www.tamba.org.uk/support/twinline

http://www.tamba.org.uk/document.doc?id=9


www.ageuk.org.uk/work-and-learning/technology-and-internet/computer-training-courses

http://www.familylives.org.uk/advice/your-family/stepfamilies/stepfamilies-and-the-wider-family/grandparents-and-stepfamilies/

http://www.grandparentsplus.org.uk/

http://www.grandparents-association.org.uk/



Janet Bugden, Nana to20 month-old twins, sharesher tips for being agrandparent to twins:

Grandparents’ Personal StoriesGrandparents of multiples share their personal experiences below. You should alsoread our Being a Grandparent to Twins, Triplets or More factsheet and ourGrandparents’ FAQs that Tamba produced along with these personal stories.

I'm Nana to my son and his wife’s threelovely children. Their older son is threeand the twins are twenty months. I havetwo older grandchildren as well. My biggest challenge, personally, as agrandparent? Well a challenge eithergets the better of us and stops us in ortracks, or it alters our course. For me,retired early from teaching special needschildren, and now suffering with anxietyissues and heart problems, thechallenge was just what I needed. Therewas no choice; I had to rise to theoccasion. So I armed myself with all the booksand information I could lay my handson, all of my own experience that Icould draw on, and all that I knew I hadin me. Knowledge is a powerful thing. Long before the twins arrived, astheir mummy got bigger and bigger(and the summer got hotter and hotter)I would often spend a day with them,from 7am in the morning when daddywent off to work, until 6pm in theevening. I took meals to stock thefridge, helping out with houseworkwhere I could and loading washingmachines etc. so that mum could spendtime with her little lad. Often they would come to my houseand I tried to provide a home-from-home. I had all the equipment thatmight be needed for a toddler (as theolder child then was) from potties todrink cups, all manner of toys and

games, stair-gates and a high-chair.Mum could pop her little lad into thecar without a second thought, notworrying if she’d forgotten anything. When the twins arrived the routinecontinued. I'd be there when needed,not necessarily to cuddle a baby, but toget on with the jobs round their house,to help keep to baby routines, to playwith whoever needed playing with,scooping up crying babies, making cupsof coffee and providing tins full ofbaking - intended for the family, butoften devoured by other visitors. Now visits to ‘Nana's house’ meanthaving microwave sterilisers, bottlewarmers, baby mats, and baby rockers(times two), toys to cater for everyoneand kitchen cupboard locks; thesechildren are all over the place! Timewent on and I was making puréed foodready to stock their freezer rather thanhome-made meals to stock their fridge. So my tip to other grandparents oftwins - make your home a home-from-home; a haven and oasis for mum anddad, knowing everything is at the readyand there's support on hand for thechildren. The family can come at amoments notice, and often do! For the children it's the certainty ofNana's house; everything is as it shouldbe and where it always is. They can findtheir own toys, books etc. and get stuckin. They're all completely different littlecharacters so collecting the toys andbooks that they will be able to play withtogether is a challenge in itself, but somuch fun. (Thankfully there's a hugemarket for selling things on again whenyou're finished with them!) Certainty forthe older sibling as well, after all heknows the ropes and is very much in

charge of proceedings. Plenty of timereserved just for him - special times fora story and a cuddle. Whatever else may happen in theirlives, Nana and ‘Nana's House’ - they'rea sure thing.

Vanessa Guagenti, Nonnato 16 month-old identicaltwin girls, tells us howbeing local has helped hersupport her daughter andgrandchildren:

I'm a grandmother known as Nonna(my husband is Italian) to identical twingirls who are 16 months old and theyare our younger daughter’s firstchildren. We live very close by to our daughterand this is a godsend as we are neededfor both help with the babies andemotional support for her. When our daughter first broke thenews to us, after her twelve week scan,that she was expecting twins andidentical ones at that, I was overjoyed

Grandparents’ Personal Stories Tamba -Twins and Multiple Births Association Page 2

Marguerite Palmer tells ushow even her experienceas a midwife didn’t prepareher for the constant caretwins require:

When my daughter phoned from NewYork to say she was pregnant but having‘awful’ morning sickness I laughed andsaid, “don’t worry you are either layingdown a good placenta or you are havingtwins.” We welcomed our first grandchildrenMichael and William, identical twinboys, born in London, who are nowthree years-old. We were prepared forpremature babies as they were deliveredat 36 weeks by caesarean. Michael's first few days were spent inintensive care and William, who wasjaundiced and although with Mum, wasin an incubator under an infrared light. Amy’s determination to breastfeedboth was admirable and meant longwalks to the NICU. I should say I am a trained midwifebut, gosh, I never realised how constantthe care of twins is. Where did the daysgo? Yes, of course they did spend mostof their time sleeping but then there isso much to do! For the first year of their lives Itravelled to London, Monday toThursday, to help and it was sheer joyto be involved in their care. I believefirmly that the bond I have with themwas fostered during those early days. Iam ‘Grannie’, and the ‘ie’ at the end is todistinguish from their other ‘Granny’. My advice to any new grandparentsof twins is firstly learning how theequipment works, especially the pram.Practice putting it together and up anddown; it is an engineering feat. Secondlyencourage breastfeeding at the same

Jill Tatham, Grandma to18 month-old twins, tellsus how twins are twice theeffort and more than twicethe fun:Twins are twice the effort, but muchmore than twice the fun! And the moreyou help, the closer the bond, which isjust fantastic. Now the twins are 18 months old,walking, talking and very entertaining -one advantage of multiples of course isthat they often entertain each other,which everyone really appreciates - andthe (now) four year-old enjoys playingwith them too. I was surprised that my daughter andson-in-law had under-estimated theamount of help they would need withthe twins, in spite of having a fairlydemanding two year-old already. I wasolder and wiser and cancelled all myvoluntary work for fifteen months sothat I could help them all - the twoyear-old took much of my time early on.I greatly admire parents of multipleswho have to manage alone. From the day they were born we allmade sure that we always spoke to eachof the twins individually, with eyecontact, and called them by name everytime. They responded to their namesamazingly early. I happen to be small, never strong,and was already 67, so I had to work atkeeping myself fit and be careful aboutlifting. A ‘crook’ grandma is no use at all!After about nine months of really hardwork things started to get easier -walking helped enormously - and thefun began! When the twins were about 15months old I was very pleased to hearmy daughter say she actually felt sorryfor parents of singles, because it mustbe so boring!

and shell-shocked all in one go! Then the elation seeped away a littlewhen she began to explain thedifficulties that could arise during anidentical twin pregnancy, the worstbeing the Twin to Twin TransfusionSyndrome (TTTS) which, very briefly, iswhere one twin donates their blood tothe other and this is equally dangerousto both babies. This can only affectidentical twins. However, the percentageof this happening is only about 15%. Unfortunately TTTS did present itselfin about the 28th week of herpregnancy and, because of this, the girlswere born by C-section at 31 weeks.However, I am very pleased to reportthat after a difficult first few weeks, twobundles of joy joined the family! As grandmother I play an importantpart in both my daughter’s and thetwins’ lives, giving both physical andemotional support. Twins are hard workand sleep-deprivation for the parents isprobably one of the hardest things theyhave to cope with and as a grandmotherI am there to step in with help andadvice when the going gets tough, andsometimes even staying over to give thehusband some sleep as he has to work! It was all a bit scary at first but it'samazing how all the old instincts cometumbling back and you become a dabhand again at nappy-changing androcking babies to sleep. Mastering thenew state-of-the-art pushchair was afeat in itself, but now I am a whiz withit! I now look after the girls two days aweek, as my daughter has returned towork part time. It is hard work but I canhonestly say it is worth every momentand I feel so proud walking down thestreet pushing the pushchair andenjoying all the admiring smiles andcomments which twins inevitably bring. I would just like to finish by sayingthat despite all of the hard work, beingthe grandmother of twins is the mostrewarding and wonderful experience. As they get older and theirpersonalities emerge, the joy of seeingthem interact and play with each otheris wonderful.


time, but reassure the Mum thattopping up with expressed milk can helpshare the work. Even if one twin issleeping it doesn't hurt to wake themfor dual care. Finally do whatever is neededwithout fuss and keep reassuring theparents and the babies that they are alldoing fine (babies love being talked to).Bite that tongue if necessary, becausethe parents get very, very tired. They are now in Edinburgh and ‘FaceTime’ is the saviour for me. They tell metheir news, show me their gardening,drawings, toys and books and alwaysask to see their favourite items in ourhouse. We send them postcards fromwherever we are in the world on holidayand these are kept in their boxes sohopefully when they are older they willbe interested in places and stamps.

Libby Mesquitta, Grandy totwin girls, started a babyfund to help her daughter:

When I found out my daughter waspregnant I bought a ‘Baby Fund’ moneybox for her. A few weeks later she rangand told me I had better buy anotherone as she was expecting twins! Iscreamed in delight - such a wonderful,exciting bonus. Our non-identical granddaughterswere born eight weeks early after mydaughter went into labour, and weighed3lbs 12oz and 3lbs 13oz - such tiny littlethings but so adorable. They stayed inhospital for only three weeks and thecare they and their Mum and Dadreceived at Kingston Hospital wasamazing. They are now approaching two years

old and are fun loving, happy little girlswho seem to love seeing us (theirGrandy and Papa). It has been such aprivilege to watch them developing andto see their interaction with each other.They egg each other on and if one doessomething she shouldn’t the other oneimmediately follows suit! They talk toeach other and play together really well- most of the time. When one is hurtthough the other one gets quite upset. It has been hard work, especiallywhen they were tiny, but their Mumand Dad are a great team and myhusband and I have lived near enoughto be able to help out if needed. Bath-time, when they were babies,was quite challenging and tiring but isnow a fun (although quite damp!)experience. I thought it might be difficult to givethe girls equal attention but it hasactually been easy even when trying toread to them both sitting on my knee.This may possibly get more of aproblem as they get bigger! Going out with them to the park orzoo needs having eyes in the back ofyour head as they do tend to go off inopposite directions sometimes. Reinsare a must when they aren’t in theirbuggy! I had never had anything to do withtwins before but it is an amazing andjoyous experience and I feel so blessedto have them in my life.

Linda Davies, Nanny toboy- girl twins aged two,shares how life changedwhen twins arrived:The day I got the phone call from mydaughter saying, "Help Mum, It's Twins!”we knew life would never be the sameagain. What a shock! There aren’t anytwins in our family history. I was alreadyNanny to her two year-old son and verysoon I would have two extra littlepeople to love and help care for. My daughter was induced at 38weeks and in just an hour and with justgas and air (a positive, you do hear

some horror stories) our beautifulbabies arrived - a boy and a girl. I wasthrilled to be at the birth along with thebabies Daddy. Beware, we had boughttiny baby clothes but as they were botharound 7lbs they didn't fit! In the days that followed life seemedlike a constant whirl of feeding,changing nappies, washing and dryingclothes and finding ways to manage twobabies. It was also important to makesure our little two year-old didn't feelleft out. It was hard work and as I wasliving with my daughter at the time Ican remember falling into bed mostnights exhausted and aching all over,but at least I didn't have to get up forthe night feeds! Just a tip - if one babywakes up to feed in the night mydaughter woke the other and fed themtoo otherwise you are up all night! Weaning them proved really easy,messy but easy and although you areprobably advised not to, one spoon andone bowl makes life easier. They are now almost 18 months oldand very mobile. I wish I could say life iseasier but in my daughters words, “It isa bit like herding two little drunk peoplehome from the pub.” They totteraround, never go in the same direction(unless they see the dishwasher open)and are always falling over andbumping into things. Despite this, what a special joy theyare. Both are very different. Our boyloves cars, trains and tracks and followshis big brother everywhere, usually into


mischief and with no fear, and our littlegirl is a princess who loves to dance,talk to herself in the mirror and playquietly with her toys. We have found that it is worthteaching them to climb the stairs asearly as you can and how to come backdown safely. We have stair gates but asthey are getting heavier carrying themup and down is a struggle for me. CouldI have prepared myself in anyway? I amnot sure. We have all learnt along theway and I am certainly more confidentlooking after them by myself now. It has been invaluable to keep in asmuch of a routine as possible but withtwo little ones, to quote one of mydaughters’ sayings, “Some days you justhave to put on your boots and dance.” I would not change things for theworld.

Patricia Higgins shares herexperience of being agrandmother to identicaltwin boys:I am a grandparent to identical twinboys aged 2½ years old. Jacob and Calanare the third and fourth children of mydaughter Katherine's. She has a 15 yearold daughter, Melissa, and 10 year oldson, Luke. I am called Pawpaw, as my daughter'solder children are dual heritage ChineseBritish. I was much younger whenMelissa was born and did not want to becalled Gran or Nan but rather liked theChinese term for maternal grandmother.So the younger children also call mePawpaw (or as Calan can manage'Gawgaw'). It was great surprise to find out thatKatherine was having twins, as there areno twins in the family, and totallyunexpected (as it is for so many). Welooked forward to the boys’ arrival withgreat excitement. It was a hard birth as there were twoof them, and Jacob was struggling tocome into the world so Katherine had tohave a caesarean section, which she wasvery disappointed about.

There have been many challenging timescaring for the boys, as gorgeous as theyare. They are very demanding, not thebest sleepers (currently waking at 5 amon a regular basis), insist on going theirown way, usually in opposite directions,and the ‘terrible twos’ prevail. When wetake them to public events e.g. friends’wedding and recently to watch myperformance in a choral concert at theLiverpool Philharmonic hall, the boys’behaviour has been loud, demandingand difficult to manage, necessitating inmy daughter having to take them out ofthe venue. The biggest thing I have learned ishow to support my daughter to ignorethe ignorant few who turn and stare andmake her feel uncomfortable and like a‘poor’ mother, which she certainly is not.She is a fantastic mother who jugglesthe needs of all four of her children. I've also learned how it is importantfor the parents and grandparents oftwins to support each other through thechallenging times, because it is so muchharder with two. I also offer practicalsupport by having the boys overnightonce a week so that Katherine and herhusband manage to get a night’s sleep. They are of course a joy, very funnyand very loving (when not tantrumming).They grow and change daily. They canbe demanding and often tend to preferme as I find it hardest to say, “no,” tothem. You'd think I would know better,but as a grandparent I have greaterpatience than I did when my childrenwere young, and I was working, andtrying to do everything else, and beeverything to everyone. I also can givethem back and have plenty of recoverytime, which my daughter does not, so Ienjoy my time with the boys and myother grandchildren ‘cos it doesn't halfgo fast and before you know it they areteenagers.

Tony Friedlander,grandfather to twin girls,shares a grandfather’sviewpoint:We live in Colchester and have onemarried daughter, who moved to Devoneight years ago. We sold our business in2005 so when she became pregnant in2010, we secretly bought a flat near her,as we knew she would wish to return towork after the first year. When herdaughter was born in April 2011, she andher husband were paranoid aboutsterilising everything; using packets ofwet-wipes by the ton and panicking ifthe baby should pick up a speck of dirtfrom the floor. We told them it wouldbe different when the second camealong. They disagreed, but then twingirls arrived in December 2013 and therewas precious little time to be so fussy. We are spending far more time inDevon than we envisaged as herhusband now works away all over theUK or at his Surrey head office severaldays every week. The pressures on her are simplyenormous as she has again had to returnto work part-time in a highly pressurisedjob she luckily enjoys. So she now has aday nanny three days a week, but evenso, we also get called upon more andmore, as we know she feels guilty notspending enough time with the children,but I do resent it when she is very short-tempered with both of us but we haveto keep schtum, which I find very hard. The twins are lovely but especiallychallenging, very noisy, and they copyeverything their four year-old sister doesand are into everything. The other grandparents help outwhen they can but not as much as wedo, and at the age of 70 I feel torn as Ifeel my own life is slipping away. Mywife wants to move permanently toDevon, which has caused a huge strainon our own relationship as I do not,especially if son-in-law ever getspromoted again. Now I am retired I want to travel butit is impossible to fit it in, although weboth manage to play some golf, tennisand bridge in Devon (I get more chancethan my wife). Otherwise I am cooped


up in a flat whilst the house and gardenin Colchester, which I love since we havecompletely modernised it, is increasinglyneglected, as is our own social life. At times I admit do get verydepressed as I do feel trapped - this maysound selfish, but we both workedincredibly hard and long hours for manyyears and I have had heart problems andam acutely aware that will pass this wayonly once. Ironically, I was adopted by a mucholder woman, never had grandparentsand neither did my wife, so am pleasedwe can give our daughter much-neededsupport, but just wish it wasn’t so fullon. I say all this not out of self-pity but toshow the other side of the coin.

Chris and Mick Richesshare their experience ofbeing Ma-Ma and Pop totwin girls:We are grandparents known as Ma-Maand Pop to twin girls Hollie and Emilia.They are ten month-old non-identicaltwins and the first children of ourdaughter and son in law. When the girls came home fromhospital I offered to stay for two weeksor for however long Emma and Robwanted me. I ended up staying andhelping for two months! New parents think they know howhard it will be, but it's the sleeplessnights that seem to be the worst thing. Iwas there to help, but mostly to reassurethem. I did not want to take over andthen leave them feeling they did notknow what to do. I said what I thoughtmay be a good thing to try but alsoasked them what they thought theyshould do. I didn't need to worry as theirinstincts wer almost always right. Thegirls firstly slept in ‘Moses’ basketsseparately, but after five months theydid not settle so well so we tried them inone cot, and that worked well.At six months they went in to their own

cots in the nursery with both cotspushed together, so they could see eachother and touch if they wanted. Hollie had colic for the first fewmonths and this was hard for us all. Shewould cry for ages before going off tosleep. If you find you are not coping wellwith this please always ask for help,never feel you should be able to cope.No sleep and a constant crying baby ishard, and it's easy to start to feel you'renot coping, knowing you also have theother one to feed and deal with. I knowas my first child had colic and projectilevomiting, but with help it soon passes.He is now 35 and none the worse for hisailments! We have the girls to stay andgive their parents a break, and lovemaking baby food for them. It keeps usout of mischief! Our daughter has gone back to workthree days a week and the girls comeand stay. It is hard but the two of uslove taking them out. A trip just to theshops takes ages as everyone wants totalk and ask about them; luckily we havethe time and love to show them off. We still help at their home if asked,and love every moment of it. So enjoythem while you can - they soon grow up.

Fiona Print, Grandma toidentical twins Joel andEvan, and their older sisterAbigail:I am ‘Grandma’ to my daughter Sarah'sand her husband David's three children,Abigail, aged five, and identical twinsJoel and Evan, aged three. The day I picked up my office phoneto hear Sarah telling me that she hadjust had her twelve week scan and wasexpecting twins, was the day I had todecide whether to take retirement ornot. Decision made - the boys wereMCMA twins and therefore wouldnecessarily be born by Caesarean sectionat 32 weeks followed by a spell in specialcare. Since Abigail was only just twoyears old we felt that I should be around

a lot for a couple of months before theboys were born to provide a consistent,stable figure for Abigail when it wastime for the birth and the weeksfollowing. This worked really well for Abigail(although involved me commutingweekly from Lancashire to London!) andshe accepted the boys into her lifewithout feeling left out or upset, despiteSarah and David being in and out of thehospital with the boys. I continued staying with the familyregularly for the months that followed.My daughter went back to work as aschool teacher when the boys were oneyear old and I offered to help look afterthe children while Sarah was at work. Initially I was quite lonely but when Istarted to go to playgroups etc. I realisedhow many grandparents there werehelping out with childcare, manytravelling quite long distances andstaying over for a night or two everyweek. I was the only one looking aftertwins though! Things I've learnt as a grandparent ofmultiples: You are an essential supportto their parents. My being so closelyinvolved with daily life meant that mydaughter was able to breastfeed thetwins and also have time with Abigail ona daily basis - a very difficult feat if she'dbe looking after the three single-handed.My daughter tells me that the neverending supply of food and drinks whilstshe nursed was a God-send as was mywillingness to get stuck into thewashing! I'm not as young as I was so I need allmy energy for the day - my daughter(and her husband when needed) did thenight feeds so I wouldn't miss out on mysleep. By going out to playgroups etc I soongot talking to the other mums andgrandparents. You'll soon be having‘coffee dates’. If you're ‘in situ’ then be sure to maketime for yourself. An hour or two doingyour own thing can really energise you.Life can be hectic, noisy and emotionalat times but also very rewarding. If Ihadn't been able to be involved with thechildren so much I would not have hadthe bond that I have now - and Iwouldn't have missed this last threeyears for anything!


Gail Price , Nana to 31month-old girl-boy twins:I am a grandma, known as Nana, to girl-boy twins. They are 31 months old andthey are my son’s and daughter in law’sfirst born. We first had the twins overnight onour own when they were twelve weeksold and I found it a little difficult to askabout dos and don’ts, but once I’d askedI felt so much more confident (mydaughter in law wrote it all down). Thiswas invaluable and ever since, when wehave them or their younger sister, a littleaide-memoire comes with them. The feeling is to go out and buyeverything for your own house. Don't. Itcan be costly and they actually don't useit that much. We have bought a coupleof good quality essentials by searchingfor sale sites. The most stressful thing forme was putting up travel cots!

Marny Castledine, Nana totwin girls Olive andIsabelle, shares herexperiences:

When our only daughter gave us thenews that she was pregnant, myhusband was only months away fromretirement and we made a decision tomove closer to the new family at thattime. However, several weeks and a scanlater revealed that ‘the baby’ was to betwins. We hastily brought forward ourplans and arranged the 100 mile moveto our new home. We arrived when ouridentical twin granddaughters, OliviaRose and Isabelle Grace, were 10 weeks

old with the post maternity leave planbeing to provide the two days a weekchild care when my daughter returned towork. We were in full ‘Nana and Grandpa’mode from day one - even assisting withfeeding whilst furniture was beingunloaded around us! We were so proud to parade ‘our’baby girls around in their double pram,even though I was sadly never able to‘drive’ due to arthritis - a double buggysometimes seems to have a mind of itsown! Olivia and Isabelle are now three and ahalf and being located so close hasallowed us the opportunity to watch themgrow from babies to toddlers to pre-schoolers and being on stand-by to getour hands dirty (literally) when required. The joy of spending family holidayswith them, have them sleep over and beable to take them for ice cream treats ispriceless. It is amazing to watch twoemerging personalities grow from twooutwardly identical little bodies and towatch the interaction in their ever moreimaginative pretend play is a uniqueexperience. We are incredibly fortunate thatcircumstances have enabled us to moveand be less than five minutes away fromour family and to be able to see them onan almost daily basis - that certainly isn'tthe norm for most grandparents.My advice to prospective grandparents ofmultiples is to do two things: allowspace for the new family to growtogether but also enjoy every minute youhave when ‘on duty’ or when all togetheras a family. It is so very rewarding andhas the bonus of allowing the parents alittle breathing space when needed.

Grandmother Carol Mellormoves in to help herdaughter in the early days:The joy of learning at the twelve weekscan that our only daughter wasexpecting identical twin girls was soon tobe replaced by anxiety and fear whenthe twins were diagnosed with TTTS.

An operation was needed immediatelyotherwise both girls would die. The scanhad revealed a growing amniotic sacaround one tiny baby and a shrinkingsac around the other. Keyhole surgery, involving a tinycamera and a laser, was successfullyperformed at the foetal medicine Unitat St George's Hospital in Tooting,London, with her anxious husband. Wewaited and prayed. The scan two weekslater confirmed, they were both aliveand well. We were all overjoyed. The girls were delivered at 34 weeksby Caesarean at St Peter's, Chertsey inSurrey. Each weighed just over 5lbs.Both had small holes in their hearts andthey would be monitored over thefollowing year. They were a challenge to feed as theywere delivered before they couldbreastfeed and my daughter wasdetermined that she would feed themherself. So, for two weeks she wasexpressing milk to go into bottles. Thenshe left St Peter’s for home where theycontinued to be very fractious andwindy taking small feeds frequently. As their father had recently beenpromoted and needed to do the Londoncommute Monday to Friday, I moved inas they were too far away for me tocommute every day. My daughter and I shared the doublebed in the guest bedroom, propped upon pillows each with a baby on ourchests listening to the World Service.Even now ‘Sail Away’ and the ‘ShippingForecast’ in the middle of the night,bring it all back. The two-hourly feeding went on forthree months but the girls were verygradually becoming more settled andthey appeared healthy. We evolved aroutine where I got two hoursuninterrupted sleep from 7am to 9amwhen my daughter got up with the girlsand her husband. Then I walked thebabies from 9.30am to 11.30am so mydaughter could have her onlyuninterrupted sleep. By six months the girls were moremanageable, although showing no signof sleeping through the night. Mydaughter ceased to breastfeed and Ireduced my time to two days a week. My daughter and her husband haddecided to move nearer. Now they are


only half an hour away and my beautifulthree year-old granddaughters have ababy brother but the bond which wasestablished in those early months will goon for forever.

Carolyn Barker, Grandmato fraternal twin boys:I am Grandma to four year-old fraternaltwin boys. It came as a bit of a shock tofind out that my eldest son and his wifewere expecting twins. As my daughter-in-law experienced quite a lot ofdifficulties during the early stages of herpregnancy, we hardly dared to believethat everything would turn out well, andwe would eventually have the privilegeof being grandparents to twins. Thankfully, the boys, although slightlypremature and having to spend a coupleof weeks in Special Care, were fit andhealthy. After a few months, mum had toreturn to work, and we offered to lookafter the boys two days a week, as thecost of childcare for the two of them wasso expensive. The first few weeks werequite challenging for us, as it was mainlya case of getting them into a routinewhich suited everybody. As a grandparent, everything seems totake so much more effort, and I mustadmit, we did get tired by the afternoon.It always seemed to be the case that oneof them would have a nap, while theother was still wide awake - meaningthat we never really got a break.However, persistence pays off, andeventually, we got them into a goodroutine whereby they both had ‘quiet’time together - so even if one was stillawake, they were still happy to lie downand have a rest (with their dummy!) Even now, at the age of four, wecontinue to have a quiet half hour afterdinner, where the boys can either watchTV, or read their books. It at least givesus time to recharge our batteries, ifnothing else! Despite all the challenges of the earlydays, we now find that the boys bringsuch joy into our lives. They are so much

more independent, we can reason withthem and hold a proper conversation.They play well together, and being apair, they have learnt so much aboutsharing with one another. All in all, the past four years has beena fabulous experience, which hasenriched our lives greatly.

Jan Pound, Grandma to sixyear-old twin girls andseven year-old twin boys:Having waited, with thinly disguisedimpatience, to become a grandmother Isuddenly found myself a grandmother tofour within sixteen months! My daughter gave birth to twin girlsfollowed swiftly by my daughter-in-lawproducing twin boys. Initially the challenges of feeding,changing and moving them around wereenormous but now that they are six andseven respectively the rewards areenormous. They are such fun and have formedtheir own little gang which is lovely tosee. I think the secret is to never treateach set of twins as a pair. It is importantto form individual relationships based ontheir own personalities that is personal tothem and to you. Being a twin is such a special blessingand I feel very privileged to have had theopportunity to experience the joys of thisunique bond at first hand. We have suchfun. Hopefully the bond we have forgednow will stand us in good stead whenwe reach the dreaded teenage years!

Marion and Geoff Clark,grandparents to eightyear-old twins and threeand a half year-old twins:We are Grandma and Grandad to twins- twice. Our younger daughter, Liz, andher husband, Ian, have identical twinboys, James and Jack, aged eight andnon-identical twin girls, Evie and Zoe,age three and a half. We also have twoolder grandchildren belonging to oureldest daughter. The boys suffered from Twin-to-TwinTransfusion Syndrome (TTTS) which waswell monitored at St Michael's Hospital,Bristol. They were born at 32 weeks. Liz wentback to work when the boys were sixmonths old as I retired. We startedlooking after the boys one day a week,so we could took them to the TwinsClub she had been attending. This ledto us taking over running the club. Just before the boys were due to startschool Liz again became pregnant and itwas two again! Evie and Zoe were bornat 38 weeks. When Liz returned to workit was back to twins club with the girls. We soon learned that the way to dealwith twins was to be well organised. Ourhints and tips are:

1. Follow the daughter’s / daughter-in-law’s house rules (feeding, sleepingtimes, etc).

2. Don’t do more than you have agreedto without asking.

3. When helping with bottle feeding Itried to alternate which twin I fed.

4. Get everything together beforechanging nappies or dressing children.

5. Treat all children fairly withindividual birthday cards and wherepracticable presents.

6. Use reins / backpacks with toddlers ifnecessary - for when they run inopposite directions.

7. Enjoy double smiles, double hugs anddouble cuddles.



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Joan Caller, Nanny to twingirls, aged seven, and twinboys, aged two:

My name is Joan and I am a 62 year-oldgrandmother (nanny) to my daughters’twin girls Rubie and April, aged seven,and twin boys Blake and Ethan, agedtwo. Being a nanny to two sets of twinsbrings challenges just like it does fortheir parents. I have been paralysed since a youngage and confined to a wheelchair somany people feel I am unable to offersupport to my daughter, but this is notthe case. I have looked after both sets of twinsfor my daughter whilst she continued towork 25 hours a week. We ride on thebus to the shops, access sessions at localchildren's centres and enjoy homebaking together. The boys have definitelybeen more challenging than the girls butthat may just be because I’m getting older! Offering childcare support to mydaughter enabled her family to befinancially stable and has given me away of keeping busy. I get to share theirchildhood in a special way and knowthat I am offering much needed support.They all keep me on my toes (wheels)and I love them all very much.

Marlene Dymore, sharesher experience of being agrandmother to two setsof twins:I’m a grandmother, known as Nanny totwo sets of twin boys - my eldest

daughter's identical twins, now eightyears old, and my youngest daughter'snon-identical twins, now three monthsold. Not forgetting my granddaughterand two ‘singleton’ grandsons, with myeldest daughter expecting another boy inAugust. There is no history of twins in myfamily, so we really didn't know what toexpect when Lucie announced, in 2006,that an early scan showed that she wasexpecting identical twins. First question:how did they know that they wereidentical? Apparently it was becausethere was just one placenta. She wasalso warned, that because one lookedsmaller than the other, that it waspossible that not both twins wouldsurvive. So we also became familiar withanother worry with identical twins - Twinto Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS),which meant regular scans to check ontheir growth. Lucie was disappointed that she hadto have an elective C-section because herfirst son was an emergency C-section,but having two healthy, though small,boys soon put everything intoperspective. She was determined tobreastfeed her babies, and she did for 18months! When my youngest daughter becamepregnant last year and seemed to begrowing quite quickly, she startedteasing her partner that she wasexpecting twins - not believing for aminute that she was! However, hertwelve week scan showed two babiesand her partner took some convincingthat they really were expecting twins! Although a non-identical twinpregnancy is not considered as risky asidentical, it did mean that her babieswere growing at a ‘normal’ rate and forthe last few months of her pregnancy wecouldn't believe she could get anybigger, but she did! Laura was preparedfor a C-section because one of the babieswas breach, but thanks to the skill anddedication of the staff, she was able todeliver them both naturally, just thirtyminutes apart. As the mother of three singletons, Iam in awe of how well my daughtershave coped with two babies, as well ashaving older children. My main role as a

grandmother is to help with thepractical day-to-day stuff - housework,shopping, washing, etc. - to give mydaughters more time to relax with theirbabies - more than rewarded by doublecuddles! From day one, Lucie dressed her boysdifferently, although it was not alwayseasy to find two sets of clothes thatwere the ‘same but different’, but weenjoy the challenge! When they started school, Lucie wastold that their policy was to separatetwins, but she stood her ground andthey were put in the same class. At eight years old, they have differentpersonalities, are in different groups atschool but still display that special bondthat identical twins have (and I stillcan't tell them apart!). At three months old, Laura's boys arejust beginning to show their individualpersonalities and are slightly easier totell apart (but not all the time!) What isnot to love about being a grandparent!

GRANDPARENTS’FACTSHEETThese FAQs accompany Tamba’sfactsheet for grandparents of multiples.It contains top tips that will help withyour twins, triplets or more.

FREQUENTLY ASKEDQUESTIONS (FAQs)Also accompanying this factsheet areTamba’s FAQs for grandparents of twins,triplets or more. It features detailedanswers to frequently asked questions.


Documents

Being a Grandparent to Twins, Triplets or More