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Tonight all will fade out. All the doubts and regrets, all the late texts and all the grey minds. All the

moments we shared are combined in the pictures hanging on my wall. I have added one by one, day by

day, from every place I have stepped in. I have created my own world within 4 walls and 12 square

meters. I have limited my horizon to only 2 meters tall because this is all I know now.

This is the only place in which I can still picture you. This is the only place in which I feel you near. Wedeparted, you left my room, I left your heart. We departed and I forgot which door I have closed when I

created the new window. I forgot the memories, I only have the ashes.

I reached another level, I reached another reason to keep on smiling. I looked outside the window and I

deny the reality that created me. I look towards my past and the present just will not let me see it. You

blurred it with your eyes. You blurred it with your smile. Maybe I should buy some reading glasses.

Maybe I am not able anymore to understand what has changed. Maybe I changed more than I thought.

Maybe I should wash the windows. Maybe I should take the dirt implanted in my head down and clean

my memory. Maybe I should delete everything I know and start spreading new dust on the windows.

Maybe in this way I am going to expand my horizon.

But everything is already gone.

I really cannot see it anymore?

I think I am going to draw. I am going to create. I am going to create new shapes with my finger on the

dust that settled on my window. I am going to draw a path through my memories with fingers of the

future. I have to admit I am not the same girl you met yesterday. I am the girl you would have met

maybe 5 years ago. Calm down, calm down.

All the eyes are on me. I am the experiment of the room. I have been placed here and laughed at. Hah,what is she going to do now? Theres no escape for hermind.

I am my buildings experiment; Im being kept against my will under surveillance. I am being kept against

my will under the dust on my windows. Under my past. But I am the young one.

I take my finger apart and start drawing. I am going to draw a path. And dance on it. I am going to dance

on this path until my legs are going to leave me. I am going to dance on this path until the music stops. I

have 8 more songs left. Until I will fall on solid grounds.

And I stand up and do a pirouette. A nave and crumbled one. An unknown pirouette that I have never

tried before. And I turn. And I turn. And I turn and turn. And turn. And turn. And turn. My hair is flying,leaving my body. My eyes are dizzy, my heart is pumping louder. My lungs cry for air because it is long

since I started to hold my breath. Ready or not, I know I am going to fall.

7 more songs. I always loved 7. 7 is my number. I adore the 7 sins and I create 7 paths on my dirty mind

filled with nothing. The window is never over, because I turn back to my starting point every once in a

while. And I start again. I try again. I keep on trying. Because I have been living like vultures. I fly with no

7/29/2019 Before They Will Send Me Away

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direction, careless. I spread my wings and delete the future, because I am used and contempt with my

present. I deny its existence. I just closed my window because my eye was hurting. Maybe I do need

reading glasses. I cannot see in front of me anymore at this point.

6 more songs. My end is near. I need to illuminate the dark. Have I really tried it all? Have I really made

the best out of my desires? And I turn and turn and turn and turn and forget to turn. I actually forget tostop. I cannot control my body anymore, he took over. Even my body saw my weakness. Even my body

sent me out of it. even my body cries.

It always will. It will always matter.

I am reborn. All those pictures on my wall look at me curiously. They do not understand me. They do not

know what I need. The only thing they do is criticize. Criticize my decisions, my moves, my dancing, my

writing, my grade, my journeys, my beliefs. 5 more songs. I am almost out.

I can see their faces laughing, I can see my body spinning, I can see my window cleaning, I can see my

room getting smaller. They all mock me, they all lost faith in my powers. And suddenly, you call myname. and you know I will be there. I will always be there.

But now I do not have a body anymore. I do not have walls anymore. My clothes flew away and my eyes

escaped when I was not looking. I am new in front of you, as naked as I can be. I am the girl you have

never met.

I am in love. And always will be.

Breath the night in and decide. Are you going to take the responsibility and reborn me? Are you going to

create the life I never knew how to live? Are you willing to take my heart in your palms and keep it safe?

You can do that for an hour. You can do it for a day. You can do it for a life time. You can do nothing atall.

But I would prefer if you would give hope to us. Oh damn, just 4 more songs. Give hope to us. Give me

an hour. Give me an hour and I will be gone. Give me a minute and I will rise. Smash the walls, crack the

windows, clean the dirt in my mind. Take my make-up off and clean my eyes. Rip my clothes off and

redefine me.

Good night, hold on.

No one can see. No one can rescue me.

And here it was. The last song.

Will you be the one that dares to change me?