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VIEWS FROM CHAPLAINCY

SHAME AND RELEASE TO THE CAPTIVES: A CHRISTIAN EDUCATION PROGRAM

FOR THE SHAME-BASED PRISONER

by

Rev. Gregory Sean Allen

verbs HV 8867 V5 no.4

71/

e.(e,

ski°, el( VIEWS FROM CHAPLAINCY

The purpose of the series is to promote reflexion about chaplaincy ministry in CSC. The articles may be reflective, analytical, success stories, anecdotal, reports, theses, course papers, etc. The initial plan is to print the articles in the language of the author, and to include an abstract in the other official language. If there is sufficient interest we will arrange for a translation to the other official language. An index of publications is kept at Chaplaincy Division, NHQ. Copies are available without charge from the Regional Chaplains or the editor. The editor is the Associate Director Chaplaincy - Training, 340 Laurier Ave. W., Ottawa, Ontario, KlA 0P9. Telephone (613) 996- 7749; Facs. (613) 952-8464.

PERSPECTIVES DE L'AUMÔNERIE

L'objectif de cette série est de promouvoir la réflexion sur le service pastoral dans le SCC. Les articles peuvent être de réflexion autonome, de nature analytique, d'anecdotes, de rapports, de mémoires, de travaux réalisés pour une institution académique, etc. Tout ce qui porte à encourager l'innovation ou l'approfondissement en matière d'intervention pastorale sera considéré pour publication. Notre plan au début est d'imprimer les articles dans la langue de l'auteur avec un résumé dans l'autre langue officielle. S'il y a un intérêt suffisant, nous ferons traduire l'article dans l'autre langue officielle. Une liste complète des publications est toujours disponible à l'A.C. Des copies sont disponibles auprès des aumôniers régionaux ou de la division de l'aumônerie à l'A.C. Le rédacteur est le Directeur-adjoint de l'aumônerie - formation, 340 ouest, av. Laurier, Ottawa (Ontario) MA 0P9; téléphone (613) 996-7749; télécopie (613) 952-8464.

SEP 26 1997 SEP 26 1997

SOLLICITEUR GENERAL CANAD) OTTAWA (ONTARIO) KlA OP8

SOLLICITEUR GENERAL CANADA OTTAWA (ONTARIO)

OP8

t\.1$ dOCUnlent does not belong to the Qrtel ,

PrOper 8Uttentk011 Me be obtained from the author for

an y intended use.

Les droits d'auteur du présent document n'appartiennent

pas à l'État. Toute disation du contenu du présent

docurnentnent Paeaute.

env 801erfel GL'NERAL CANADA

Rev. Gregory Sean Allen, Shame and Release to the Captives, a Christian Education Program for the Shame-based Prisoner, 1992

The author is a minister of the United Church of Canada, has extensive and varied chaplaincy experience in the Atlantic Region.

Abstract

See the opening of the text.

Rev. Gregory Sean Allen, La honte et la liberté aux captifs; un programme de formation religieuse chrétienne pour le détenu marqué par la honte de soi-même, 1992

M. Allen est ministre de l'Église unie du Canada ayant eu une expérience d'aumônerie dans la région de l'Atlantique.

Résumé

L'auteur a développé un programme de formation religieuse chrétienne pour les détenus souffrants de la honte chronique et qui est devenue partie intégrante de leurs personnalités. Le programme contient sept leçons (réparties sur 10 sessions) conçues pour des petits groupe (à peu près sept personnes). Chaque leçon est basée sur Une dimension de la honte tel l'analyse de Thomas J. Scheff Il a été conclu qu'un tel programme crée une atmosphère propice au développement de la vie spirituelle et favorise une croissance psychologique vers la maturité.

SHAME AND RELEASE TO THE

CAPTIVES: A CHRISTIAN EDUCATION

PROGRAM FOR THE

SHAME-BASED P1RISONER Rev. Gregor) , Sean Allen

May 1992

The preparation of this work was subsidized by a grant from the Chaplaincy Division of Correctional Service Canada.

ANDOVER NEWTON THEOLOGICAL SCHOOL

SHAME AND RELEASE TO THE CAPTIVES:

A CHRISTIAN EDUCATION PROGRAM

FOR THE SHAME-BASED PRISONER

A PROJECT

SUBMITTED TO THE DEPARTMENTOF

PSYCHOLOGY AND CLINICAL STUDIES

for the degee

DOCTOR OF MINISTRY

by

Gregory Sean Allen

Newton Centre, Massachusetts s

May 1992

Advisor

Abstract

The purpose of this project was to develop a Christian Education Program

designed for use with small goups of prisoners who experience enduring, chronic

shame that has become an internalized part of their identity. The major sou-ce of clinical

material came from research with a goup of male ixisoners of the Springhill Meciium

Security Institution, Springhill, Nova Scotia, Canada. The ages of the subjects ranged

from twenty-one to fifty years. The length of their prison sentences ranged from two and

a half to twenty-five years.

Stucies and research into the area of shame ff-e reviewed for their relevance to

the development of the progam. The origin and internalization of shame in shame-

based persons is discussed. The role of shame in addctions, symptom formation,

violence, crime and culture is taken into consideration as well. The literature review

concludes with a ciscussion of shame and spirituality.

The resulting ten week Christian Education Program was designed to enable

prisoners to identify and confront the problem of intemalized shame and to begin the

healing process. It included provision for participants to complete pre- and post- self

evaluation Internalized Shame Scale.(ISS) questionnaires. The ISS is a standardzed

measure of internalized shame for clinical and research use developed by Dr. David R.

Cook at the University of Wisconsin-Stout, Menomonie, Wisconsin. The theoretical basis

for the ISS is the idea that internalized shame is central to the sense of self that has

developed in inclviduals who experienced unresponsiveness and/or overt rejection in

their family of origin.

A series of seven prog -ams was developed based on selected Bible passages.

These passages, it was considered, focused on the seven patterns of needs and

associated affects and interpersonal issues thought by Thomas Scheff to influence the

development of people's identities. The seven progams were spread over a ten weetz

period. The research goup met for a three hour weekly session. After each session

process notes were written in an attempt to recollect the mood and substance of the

dscussion and interchange of ideas and images that resulted from implementation of the

Progam.

Comparison of the pretest and post-test scores revealed a significant change in

the way the group members perceived themselves with regard to experiences of

internalized shame. The results were interpreted as indcating significant amelioration of

shame. It was concluded from these comparisons that the Christian Education Progam

focusing on internalized shame lessened the frequency and intensity with which these

feelings are experienced.

It was concluded that a religious program such as the Christian Education

Progam provided the atmosphere for developing a spiritually affirmative view of life. It

was further concluded that such an education progam based upon Christian principles,

could play a favorable role in bringing about psychological gowth and maturity.

Resolution of internalized shame leads to the resolution of both a spiritual and a

psychological block to personal relationship.

The relevance of this project for prison ministry and for work with prisoners in

general is explcred. It is suggested that for shame-based offenders incarceration alone

- is not enough. The need for more humane legislation in dealing with aime and

criminals is further suggested.

II

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Sincere appreciation is extended to Dr. Charles Tay le, Dr. Dennis Veinotte, and

Sister Teresa Currie who have guided me along the course of my studies and have

given wise counsel and eactical suggestions in the development of this project. My

thanks also to Dr. John Harper, a Irue godsend who helped me to round off many rough

edges.

I am very thankful for the prisoners and especially the çroup (Chris, Dave, Frank,

George, Jack, Robert and Paul) who were serving prison terms at the Springhill Medium

Security Institution. Their openness and willingness to share of themselves made this

project a possibility. They also taught me more of what it means to be human and to find

hope.

My thanks to Correctional Service Canada and especially to Dr. Pierre Alla-d,

Directe of Chaplaincy, the Rev. Chris Car, Assistant Directcr, and the Rev. AU Bell,

Atlantic Regional Chaplain, for their support of this project. I would also like to thank

Gay Mills, Warden, the chaplains, and the staff al Springhill Medium Security Institution,

for their c.ontinued support.

My thanks to Dr. David Cook, at the University of Wisconsin-Stout, Menomonie,

Wisconsin, for his permission to use the Internalized Shame Scale and for his kindness

in freely shaing with me the results of his labour.

I am very g-ateful to my ever-faithful friend Rachel Pence who has pushed and

encouraged and supported me throughout my studies and especially during this pfoject.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

PAGE.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Chapter

1. INTRODUCTION 1

Statement of the Problem 1

The Importance of the Study 1

Source Material for the Proiect 2

Limitations of the Proiect 3

Methodology of the Christian Education Program- 3

The Internalized Shame Scale 5

Chapter Development 8

2 TERMS AND LITERATURE

Definition of the Terms 10

Affect 10. Christian Eciucation Program 11 Emotion 11 Feeling 11 Shame-based • 1

A Review of the Literature 12

Shame and Guilt 12 Origins of Shame 13 Internalization of Shame 14 Shame and Identity 15 Shame and Addictions 16 Shame and Symptom Formation 19 Shame, Violence and Crime 22 Shame and Culture 24 Shame and Spirituality 26

iv

Chapter Page

3. THE CHRISTIAN EDUCATIONPROGRAMS 30

Introduction ao

The Development of the Progam 31

Program One: Insufficiency (Intimacy - Nonspecific Rage) 33

Introduction 33 Step One: Preparation 34

Scripture Reading - Luke 5:1-11 (NRSV) 34 Reflection 34

Step Two: E3reaking In - Something To Think About 35 Step Three: Breaking Up - Something To Talk About 36 Step Four: Breaking Out - Something To Act Upon 37

Progam Two: Rejection (Productivity - Anger/Hurt) 38

Introduction 39 Step One: Preparation 39

Scripture Reading - John 8: 2-11 (NRSV) 39 Reflection 40

Step Two: Breaking In - Something To Think About 40 Step Three: l3reaking Up - Something To Talk About 42 Step Four: Breaking Out - Something To Act Upon 43

Progam Three: Worthlessness (Dependency - Humiliation) 44

Introduction 44 Step One: Preparation 45

Scripture Reading - Luke 15:11-24 (NRSV) 45 Reflection 45

Step Two: Breaking In - Something To Think About 46 Step Ttree: Breaking Up - Something To Talk About 47 Step Four: 13reaking Out - Something To Act Upon 48

Chapter Page

Program Four: Abandonment (Sense and O der - Fear) 50

Introduction 50 Step One: Prepeation 51 Scripture Reacâng - Matthew 27: 27-46, 50 (NRSV) 51

Reflection 51 Step Two: Breaking In - Something To 'Think About 52 Step Three: Ikeaking Up - Something To Talk Abou 53 Step Four: Breaking Out - Something To Act Upon 54

Prog-am Five: Emptiness (Uniqueness - Terra) 56

Introduction 56 Step One: Preparation 57

Scripture Reading - Matthew 26: 3-4, 14-16, 20-25, 47-50; and 27: 3-5 (NRSV) 57

Reflection 58 Step Two: Breaking In - Something To Think About 58 Step Three: Breaking Up - Something To Talk About 60 Step Four: Breaking Out - Something To Act Upon 61

Prog-am Six: Loss (To Have Choices - Grief) 62

Introduction 62 Step One: Preparation 63

Scripture Reading - Matthew 26: 31-35, 69-75 (RSV) 63

Reflection 64 Step Two: Breaking In - Something To Think About 64 Step Three: Breaking Up - Something To Talk About 65 Step Four: Breaking Out - Something To Act Upon 67

Procjam Seven: Acceptance (Wholeness - Joy) 69

Introduction 69 Step One: Preparation 70

Scripture Reacâng - Luke 19:1-10 (NEB) 70 Reflection 71

Step Two: Breezing In - Something To Think About 72 Step Three: Breaking Up - Something To Talk About 72 Step Four: Breaking Out - Something To Act Upon 73

vi

Chapter Page

4. PROCESS NOTES ON THE CHRISTIAN EDUCATIONPROGRAM

Introduction 7.6

Process Notes on Progam One 76

Step One: R-eperation 76 Step Two: Breaking In - Something To Think About 77 Step Three: Breaking Up - Something To Talk About 78 Step Four: Breaking Out - Something To Act Upon 79

Process Notes on Progam Two 80

Step One: Preparation Eto Step Two: Breaking In - Something To Think About 81 Step Three: Breaking Up - Something To Talk About 82 Step Four: Breaking Out - Something To Act Upon 83

Process Notes on Program Three 84

Step One: Preparation Step Two: Breaking In - Something To Think About 84 Step Three: Breaking Up - Something To Talk About 85 Step Four: Breaking Out - Something To Act Upon 86

Process Notes on Progam Four 87

Step One: Preparation 87 Step Two: Breaking In - Something To Think About 87 Step Three: Breaking Up - Something To Talk About 88 Step Four: Breaking Out - Something To Act Upon 89

Process Notes on Progam Five 91

Step One: Preperation 91 Step Two: Breaking In - Something To 'Think About 92 Step Three: Breaking Up - Something To Talk About 92 Step Four: Breaking Out - Something To Act Upon 93

vi i

Chapter Page

Process Notes on Procjam Six 94

Step One: Preparation 94 Step Two: Breaking In - Something To Think About 95 Step Three: Breaking Up - Something To Talk About 96 Step Four: Breaking Out - Something To Act Upon 97

Process Notes on Progam Seven 99

Step One: I:Yeparation 99 Step Two: Breaking In - Something To Think About 100

Step Three: Breaking Up - Something To Talk About 101 Step Four: Breaking Out - Something To Act Upon 101

5. CONCLUSIONS 104

APPENDIXES

A TABLE 1. INTERNALIZED SHAME SCALE QUESTIONNAIRE 111

B.TABLE 2. PRETEST AND POST-TEST MEAN SCORES OF THE INTERNALIZED SHAME SCALE 114

C.FIGURE 1. PRETEST INDIVIDUAL SCORES OF THE INTERNALIZED SHAME SCALE 115

D.FIGURE 2. POST-TEST INDIVIDUAL SCORES OF THE INTERNALIZED SHAME SCALE 116

E.FIGURE 3. PRETEST VS POST-TEST SCORES 117

F. TABLE 3. PRETEST AND POST-TEST MEAN SCORES OF THE SELF-ESTEEM SUBSCALE 118

G.TABLE 4. PRETEST AND POST-TEST MEAN SCORES OF THE INFERIORITY SUBSCALE 119

H.TABLE 5. PRETEST AND POST-TEST MEAN SCORES OF THE ALIENATION SUBSCALE 120

BIBLIOGRAPHY 121

viii

Chapter 1

INTRODUCTION

Statement of the Problem

The purpose of this project has been to develop a Christian Eciucation proçram

designed for prisoners who experience enduring, chronic shame that has become an

internalized part of their identity.

The Importance of the Study

The impact of shame has not been generally realized in modern Western

analyses of the human social-psychological problems. Both the secular disdplines of

psychology and anthropology as well as theology have taught us to perceive of shame

as a moral inferior reaction to wrongdoing. More recently, doser examination and

inquiry by reseerchers have revealed that shame plays a major role in the alienation and

antagonism that afflict the human race. Although the role of shame in aiminality

appears not to be well researched or documented, there is some suggestion that shame

is a major factor in much of the criminal action in our sodety.2

Dr. Helen Black Lewis, a psychologist at Yale University, dd a study of the

transcripts from 180 psychotherapy sessions. She concluded that when the therapist

C. Nonnen Kraus, *The Cross ot Chtist-Deelng Wth Sherne end Guilt Japanese Owe erty attkii, 53(1986): 221-227.

'Whet& LeNbis, Sheme: The Exposed Set ( New Yodc: T he Free Press, a tfrision of Macmillan, 1992).

2

failed to recognize the patient's feelings of shame, the patient's problems were

prolonged or worsened. When the therapist recognized the shame and helped deal with

it, the treatment was shcrtened.3 The psychiatrist, Donald Nathanson believes that a

geat many of his unsuccessful cases as a therapist were the result of his failure to

understand shame and that many of his patients failed to receive help because of his

ignorance. 4

Ronald Potter-Efron and Patricia Potter-Efron suggest that the shamed person

encounters a spiritual crisis at his/her very core. There is a loss of connection with a

Hier Power' John Bradshaw suggests that the work of transforming unhealthy shame

into healthy shame leads directly to spirituality.'

Based upon these reacIngs and findngs, as well as upon the investigatm

twelve yeers of involvement in prison ministry, it was conceived that there was a need for

establishing a prison progam with a spiritual basis for ministry with shame-based

prisoners.

Source Material for the Project

The major source of clinical material for this project 'came from research with

prisoners of the Springhill Mecium Security Institution, Springhill, Nova Scotia, Canada.

A goup of prisoners was selected from among apçroximately twenty-five men who

returned completed Internalized Shame Scale (ISS) questionnaires. The ages of the

'Helen Beck Lee, "Shame: The Si eeperin Prehopethology,lin The Role of Shame in Swriptom Fonation (Hillsdale, NevJeney: Etibtuan, 1987).

'Dondd L. Nethention, The Meny Face, of Shame (NewYork: Gulf ord Press, 1967).

IRonadd Pott er-Efron end Patricia. Potter-Efron, Letting Go of Sh*errie (San Fiencisco: Harper& Row, Pubrishers, 1989).

John 13rad3haw, Hearing the Sheme the Efinde You (Deerfield Beach, Florida: Health Communications, Inc., 1988).

3

men ranged from twenty-one to fifty years. The length of their sentences ranged from two

and a half to twenty-five years. This goup of men saw themselves as having

internalized painful levels of shame emotions.

The project was based on a similar one developed for use with prisoners with

self-identified alcohol problems.' Some of the resource material for the Christian

Education Proçrams can be found in the books entitled Come Fly With Me by Lyman

Coleman and Keith Miller', Letting Go of Shame by Ronald Potter-Efron and Patricia

Potter-Efrone , and Released From Shame by Santa D. Wilson."

LimitationeLthe_aget

One limitation to this project was the small number of participants involved. The

final research gaup consisted of six prisoners. A further limitation was that there was no

control gaup with which to compare results.

Methodology of the Christian Education Prog-am

A total of seven prisoners were invited to participate in a Christian Education

Progam. They were chosen on the basis that they perceived themselves as suffering

from chronic shame that had become an internalized part of their identity (as determined

through personal interviews and self-admission and measured by the Internalized

'Dennis Yeinotte, oa,ChrIstien E Met' on Progrem f or the Akoholio Pris oner(Wolfv81 e, N Scotia: Mack University Press, 1980).

Lew Coleman end Keith Mier, Come Fly (Waco, Texas: Creative Resources, 1975).

Potter-Efron.

" Sondra D. Mon, Released From Shetne (Dowers Grove, buts: Intenavsity Press, 1990).

4

Shame Scale).

In an indvidual interview, the concept of the Christian Education Program was

initially explained to each of the men before they completed an Internalized Shame

Scale questionnaire. After the scores were reviewed the selected goup was brought

together for a further explanatory session. It was explained that the scale scores would

be revealed and explained at some further point but that for the rxesent lime, they and

the information gathered througi the initial individual interview would serve to assist the

investigator in establishing the Christian Education Program. During this explanatory

çroup session it was ascertained that each of the prisoners was a suitable candidate for

the proçram. Each person was asked for a commitment concerning reelar attendance

at all sessions of the Christian Education Program.

A mean score was determined which was strondy indicative of some shame

issues for most of the men." The mean score placed the group in the "moderately hi"

categcry which suggests relatively frequent experiences of inte rnalized shame. Two of

the individual scores (above 60) indicated the presence of depression Two other scores

(above 70) were very likely accompanied by clinical indications of depression and/or

other emotional or behavioral problems.

One of the prisoners scored extremely low on the scale (13), but in the

examiner's clinical judgement this score did not warrant the dismissal of shame as a

major issue in his life. Through the personal interview, it appeared that there may still be

significant shame problems in his life. It was determined that the Christian Education

Program could be of benefit for this prisoner as well. It is ftrther noted that without the

inclusion of this particulaly low score in the goup average, the goup mean would be

hier (66 vs 58). This would put the çroup in a category indicating that it is highly likely

that most of the members were experiencing relationship problems of some kind.

"The prat est toted scores ere listed in appendix B.

5

On the basis of the above findings, a series of Christian Education Programs was

developed based on selected Bible passages. These passages, it was considered,

would focus on the various interpersonal aspects of shame. A ten week format was

chosen, partly based on experience of Kaufman, who employs a similer structure,"

Each rxogram session was developed with the same format. 'There were fois

steps to each session with sub-divisions within each step. Each step was rxesented to

the prisioners at a time. Process notes were written after each session."

At the conclusion of the Christian Education Prog-am the Internalized Shame

Scale was administered for a second time. A mean score for the group was also found."

A comparision has been made of the pretest' and the post-test" scores indicating the

changes in how the subjects perceived themselves with regerd to internalized painful

levels of shame emotions."

The Internalized Shame Scale

A number of measures of shame have been used in empirical studies. The

Internalized Shame Scale (ISS) represents the best developed measure for clinical

use." It is the result of a sustained and extensive effort by David R. Cook, to develop a

"Kaufman, The Psychology ot Shame, 255.

'trainee.

"The post-test total scores ere ksted in appendix B.

"The protes t ineiduti scores, by question, ere ound in appendixC.

"The post-test ineiduel scores, by question, ere f ound in appendixD.

"Acompetison of the pretest end post-test group scores, by question, is ound in appendx E.

"litrperend Hoopes, 143.

6

measure of shame (painful levais of Eihame emotions). The thirty-item scale was

developed specifically to measure enduring, chronic shame that has become an

internalized part of one's identity." The development of the ISS began in 1984. Since

then extensive reliability and validity studes have resulted in four versions of the scale.

The ISS consists of twenty-four negatively worded items that reflect intense

shame feelings to which subjects respond on a scale of frequency from never to almost

always. Also included in the ISS is an imbedded self-esteem scale consisting of six

positively worded items These are items 4, 9, 14, 18, 21, and 28. They are not scored as

pet of the shame scale. This scale is included to minimize response set. Alpha

reliability coefficients range from 0.95 for the shame scale and 0.90 for the self-esteem

scale, and test-retest reliability coefficients range from 0.71 to 0.84, indcating that the

ISS has good reliability.

Based on exploratory factor analysis, the ISS may be scored on two subscales

for use in research. The first factor is labeled "Inferiority" and consists of all the shame

items between 1 and 19 (15 items). The second factor is "Alienation" and consists of all

the shame items between items 20 and 30 (9 items). These subscales are included

because they seem to be major factors related to shame.n

A sees of studes has compared the results of the ISS with three dfferent self-

concept/self-esteem measures and concluded that the Internalized Shame Scale was

measuring "a trait that contributed more to the development of emotional problems than

dd low self-esteem alone."21 . Self-esteem and shame are conceptually different in that

shame is an affect, and shame-prone identity describes the affective experience of a

n Areptint el the internalized Shane Scale (Corteight) 13 found In appendix A.

"Cook, Memel f ar the htemelzed Shame Scale, 1.

Harper end Hoopes, 143, citing David Ca*, The Meeaurernent al Shame: The Intemeiized Shrine Scde,_Paper presented el APACotwention,AlientaGeorgie, 1988.

7

person with such an identity. Self-esteem is not an affect but more of a cognitive

evaluation of the sett

'The ISS primarily dffers from previously developed measures of self concept or self feelings in that all the items ere negatively worded with language that is strondy evocative of negative affect. The items were written to reflect the phenomenological expericence of high levels of intemalized shame. Consequently, hi gh scores on this scale indcate a pervasive sense of negative affect with regard to the self. These fellings can obviously be related to a number of diferent kinds of emotional dstress and dyfunctional behaviors. The part played by internalized shame in different kinds of emotional problems and addictive behaviors can be furth« illuminated by the ISS. The early validty data stoney suggests that there is a large element of shame in depression and eating disorders, as well as anxiety and anger. The data also suggests that relative to other dagnostic groups, alcohol and chig dependent subjects experience somewhat less levels of shame.

These findngs provide strong support for considering the ISS as a reliable and valiad measure of the deep sense of self worthlessness and self rejection that we understand as rooted in shame affect that has become internalized from too many repeated rejections throughout chilchood."22

The scoring system involves recoding the scale so that a "never" response is

scored as a zero and the "almost always" resonse is scored as a four. Scores for the

Shame total, therefore, would range from 0-96. Any score above 50 is indctive of

relatively frequent experiences of internalized shame. Scores above 60 may be

indicative of the presence of depression, and scores above 70 are very likely to be

accompanied by clinical indications of depression and/or other behavioral problems.

Cook suggests that it is highly likely that persons with scores above 60 will be

experiencing.some relationship rxoblems, often in a manage or other partnership.

Cook gives interpretive guidelines for scoring the other subscales.

Scores for Self-Esteem range from 0-24. Scores of 18 or higher would indicate positive

self-esteem and scores below 18 would be weak or negative self-esteem; 23 Scores for

nCooka Menuelfortheintemelized She Scale, 7.

The pretest end post-test scores f orthe Sett-Esteetn subscele ere hted in appendix F.

8

Inferiority range from 0-60. Scores from 30-38 are moderately high, 39-45 is high, and

above 45 is very high;" Scores for Alienation range from 0-36. Scores from 18-23 ere

moderately high, 24-27 is hi, and above 27 is very high."

Chapter Development

Chapter one was an introductory chapter to this project. Included here was a

statement of the Fr oblem, the impalanoe of the study, the source of the material,

limitations of the project, and the methodology of the Christian Education Prog-am. This

was followed by a discussion of the Internalized Shame Scale (ISS) which was a

primary tool used in the project to determine changes in the frequency and intensity with

which shame feelings ere experienced, as a result of the Christian Education Progam.

Included in chapter two was a list of term definitions and a review of the literature.

The literature review was concerned with the relationship between shame and guilt, the

origin and internalization of shame, the role of same in adcictions, symptom formation,

violelce and aime. The final part of the review deals with shame and culture and shame

and spirituality. The chapter development was included as pal of Chapter One.

Chapter 'Three consisted of an introduction to the Christian Education Program

and an account of the development of the progams. Contained in this chapter were the

seven study proçrams which centered upon the patterns of needs and associated affects

and interpersonal issues as determined by Thomas J. Scheff." Each progam was a

separate unit and followed the same format with an introduction, a statement of purpose

The pretest end post-test scores forthe etiorItysubscale ere listed in appendixG.

"The pretest end post-test scores f or the Self-Este em subscde ere Iste d in appendixH.

"Httper end Hoop es,143, citing Thomas J. Scheff, "Universal Expressive Needs: ACritique ends T he oty," %robe Interaction 8(1985): 241-262.

9

for each proçram, and four succeeding steps based upon a selected I3iblical passage.

The total project was sizead over a ten week period with a three hou g• oup session

once each week. One program was implemented each week except for programs One,

Six, and Seven which went for two sessions each.

Chapter Far consisted of process notes for each of the seven programs. The

intent here was to recollect the mood and substance of the interchange and discussion

of the ideas and images that were generated by the guided imagery exercises and

question sheets.

Chapter five contained the conclusions reached as a result of the administration

of te Christian Education Progams. A comparative summay was made of the etest

and the post-test scores of the Internalized Shame Scale and of the Self-Esteem,

Inferiority and Alienation subscales. A number of appendixes, incluchng tables and

profile sheets for the ISS tests, as well as an extended bibliography, concluded this

Proiect.

Chapter 2

Definition of Terms

Abe

The term affect has been used to describe all states that ere not cognitive in

nature. Thus, such bocily sensations as hunger, fatigue, and pain ere affects. The terms

affect and emotion and feeling ere often used interchangeably. A more rxecise definition

places affect doser to feeling; additionally requiring, however, that the feeling state be

observable. Affect includes the drives that ere presumed to generate both consdous

and unconscicus feelings.

Christian Education Program

The term Christian Education Program, as used in this project, describes g-oup

sharing experiences based upon scriptural passages. The selection of themes and

subjects has been related to the patterns of needs and associated affects and

interpersonal issues as determined by T. J. Scheff in the book entitled Uncovering

Shame: An Approach Integ-ating Individuals and Their Family Systems by James A.

Harper and Margeret H. Hoopes.'

Emotion

The term emotion is used to describe a pattern of reaction that includes

physiological changes, expressive behavicrs and states of feeling, arising involuntarily,

'James HarPer aid Mer9eret H. H ooPe3, VM1111191b9811.LétIARIngehinatleilil inedueis yid Their Family Systems (New Yodc:W.W. Norton &Company, 19891 42, citing Therms J. Se heff, "Universal Expressive Needs: ACdtique erid &Theory:3mb* hterection 8(1965): 241-262.

11

usually in response to social relationships cr situations that are challenging in some way.

In common usage the term refers primarily to perceived feelings.

Feeling

The term feeling is used to describe an internal emotional state that is physically

real and measurable. It also means being aware of that emotional state. By emotional

state is meant "a specific inte rnal bodily response that has a unique correspondence in

some one-to-one fashion with discrete emotions such as fear, empathy, anger, disgust,

shame, etc."' This definition of feeling allows conception of internal emotional states as

independent of cognition.

Shame-Based

The term shame-based is used to describe someone whose life centers around

chronic shame. Shame-based inclviduals believe they are much worse than others.

They see themselves as fundamentally defective, deeply flawed, practic.ally worthless,

and less than fully human. These persons are trapped in unhealthy shame.

A Review of the Literature

In the book Facing Shame the authors state that:

For many people shame exists passively without a name. Its crigins are in identity development or in the emises of 'Who am I.' The roots of shame are in abuse, personal violations, seductions and assaults where one's sense of self has been trampled, one's boundaries defiled. What remains is only an ache. There are no words for the absence of an affirmation of self, as shame often is.'

The impact of shame has not been generally recognized in modern Western

'INC 14.

'Men e A. Fessurn arid Mein J. Mas on, Facing Sheen e: %nil es In Rec every (New Yet: W.W. Neon, 1986), 6.

12

analyses of the human social- psychological problems. Both the secular disciplines of

psychology and anthropology as well as theology have taught us to think of shame as a

moral inferior reaction to wrongdoing. More recently a number of psychoanalysts and

psychologists have attempted to analyze more carefully the cfrfferences between guilt

and shame. Such analysis has shown that shame is the more primal and disruptive of

the two. Shame plays a major role in the "alienation and antagonism" that afflict the

human race.'

Shame and Guilt

The two basic emotions of shame and guilt seem to be universal and interrelated.

While they are alturally defined reactions, shame and guilt are rooted in the psyche,

and both ee significant as moral sanctions. "Together they refer to the inner moral

stigma and social offensiveness of our mistakes." It is easy to confuse shame with guilt,

but they are not the.same thing. Distinguishing between the two is essential in order to

develop resources for dealing with each of these powerful issues. Guilt applies to our

awareness and dscomfort when we have violated or iransgessed our values or ethical

system. Guilt is primarily a reflection of our behavior, and does not lead to the devaluing

of ourselves as persons. The ethical violation that results in guilt is ordinarily forgivable;

amends can be made and one's sense of wholeness as a person is never in jeopardy.

But that is not the case with shame.'

Shame is accompanied by a total sense of exposure and self-consciousness. It

brings with it the overwhelming awareness that as a human being one is deficient in

Kratts,"The Crus oe C Me," 221.

'Ibid.

'C. Warren Kram, Jeu Christ Our Lord (5oona*, PerineAveria: Harold Press, 1967), 205.

13

some essential aspect. "To live with shame is to experience the very essence or heart of

the self as wanting." Worse still, there is the sense that this is a permanent flaw and that

there is nothing that can be done about it. At the center of shame therefore,, is impotence

to change things. In this sense one becomes immobilized by shame: "The excruciating

observation of the self which results, this torment of self-consciousness, becomes so

acute as to create a binding, almost paralyiing effect upon the self."'

Origins Of Shame

Gershen Kaufman states that shame originates interpersonally, specifically within

the context of a significant relationship. He connects shame dynamically to a failure by a

significant other person to respond appropriately to the individual's needs. Shame is

activated when one significant person breaks the Interpersonal bridge" with another.

Interpersonal bridge is defined as the emotional bond that ties two individuals together.

This bond involves trust and enables experiences of vulnerability and openness

between individuals. It also becomes the catalyst for mutual understanding, change and

personal gowth. Consequently, emotional disruption of the interpersonal bridge has the

most significant potential for inducing shame.'

The shame-inducing process takes place whenever one's needs are not

responded to appropriately by a significant other. This failure to respond can occur in

unharmful ways or more destructive ways. The destructive responses involve

disparagement, humiliation, ridicule or some transfer of blame. One of the most

significant secondary reactions which can follow the shame experience is anger/rage.

When rage follows it serves to insulate and proteci the self against any further exposure

7 Gemhen Kaufman, Shame: The Power of Cating (Cenbridge, Mass.: Schenkmen Books, c., 1985), 8.

'Ibid., ChapterOne.

14

and also serves to alienate others by keeping them away so as to avoid feeling the

shame. The shame/rage cycle can be crippling to relationships unless there is

restoration of the affectional tie. Although we cannot always meet the needs of people

we value Cf love, we can acknowledge or communicate that we understand and

recognize the need. Acccrsing to Kaufman, "Respondng appropriately entails having

the need understood and acknowledged whether or not it is gratified.'

Internalization of Shame

Internalized shame is the process whereby shame is ixolonged for an indefinite

period of time. When the shame experience becomes internalized, the indvicival can

feel shame even when it is not induced by an interpersonal event. Interpersonally

induced shame then becomes intemally induced shame. The internalization of shame

can occur . at any point in ou- lives because we are constantly in the process of defining

who we ere through our - interactions with others."

The need to be in a mutually satisfying relationship is a basic need . To be in a

consistent, nirtu-ing, reciprocal relationship fosters a sense of connectedness, a bond.

As the bond begins to strengthen and mature, each person increasingly demonstrates a

sense of caring and valuing of the other. Acccrdng to Kaufman, shame can be

generated if this bond or connection is severed or dsnipted. This split occurs whenever

a need is not responded to or acknowledged. If the bond can be mended or restored,

then the shame inducing experience can be healed.

If there ne shame experiences where the bonding has been dsrupted and no

effort to re-establish it has been made, the indvicival develops a sense of alienation and

Getshen Kau(rrieri, "The Meaning of Shame: Towed a Set-griming Identity," Jo umel of Counseling Psychology, 21(1974): 568-574.

'• Kaufman, Sheme: The Power of Ceting, Che.pter Two.

15

the feeling of not being good enough. Continued emotional separations or rifts promote

a shame-trait or shame -based identity."

Shame and Identity

Acccrcing to Kaufman, the need to belong is a basic universal need and

identification is the base of a personal sense of rooteclness. The identification process

begins fist within the family, followed by the peer group and social institutions.

Differentiation, that which makes us dfferent from ou family and others, is an alternating

process which also aids the individual in developing the definition of self.

Identification begins visually with the child watching and imitating the behaviors of

those people who are most important to him/her. As the child's cognitive and emotional

capabilities expand, simple modeling is expanded to include what Kaufman describes

as imagery. The child begns to integete what she observes as a part of her intemal

definition of herself. She imagines she is like that pert of mother or father she has been

observing. "Imagery provides the bridge from outer to inner and enables the child to

experience himself as a part of father or a part of mother". Kaufman believes we

intemalize both good and bad identification images."

A child identifies with those inckvickials who he admires and/or who hold absolute

power over his world. Her personal identity is the result of the process of identification.

According to Kaufman, internalization is the link through which identification actually

leads to identity development. Identity develops three separate dimensions:"

"Gershen Katdmen,The Pehologv of Sherne(NewYstk: Sptinger Publishing Compeny, 1989), ChapterThree.

"Karimari, Shame; The Power of Caring, 35

BarbaraMcFeriand arid Tyeis Baker-Baumann, Shame end Bodylmage (Deerfield Beach, Florida: Health Communications, Inc., 1990),32.

16

1. Individuals internalize specific feelings, beliefs and attitudes about themselves from what significant others say.

2. Indviduals internalize the manner in which ttey ere treated by significant others.

3. Individuals internalize identifications in the form of images which are generally unconscious but which ere taken inside and made their own.

Shame and Addctions

David Cook argues that one of the primey psychosocial roots of addiction can be

found in the internalization of shame and how shame becomes related to attachment

issues." People with low self-esteem are "shame-bouncr or have hi gh levels of

Internalized shame". In the terminology of attachment theory such people ere

"anxiously or insecurely attached". Bow lby defines attachment behavior as "any form of

behavior that results in a person attaining or maintaining rxoximity to some dearly

identified indvidual who is conceived as better able to cope with the world." For a

person to know that an attachment figure is available and responsive gives him/her a

strong and pervasive feeling of security, and so encourages him to value and continue

the relationship.e

When repeated experiences in infancy and childhood lead to the development of a

shame-based identity, intense negative and painful emotional states ere frequently

triggered for such persons. Some way of coping and defending against these must be

developed. One possible defense against shame is to become addcted to experiences

which alter or reduce the negative emotion. The addiction serves the purpose of

"Dasid R. Cook, "Sherne, Attachment, end Addictions: Itoplicedions f or FemilyTherapists," Çgdgrwagnehmit le_lituyl „In press.

"John Bolby, A Secure Bose: Parent-Child Altechment end HeelthyHumen Development (New York: 13esie Books, 1988), 26.

17

protecting the person from the pain of his/her shame. Cook concludes that behind the

development of most addctive patterns lies "magnified" shame emotions and the kind of

child-caregiver environment that is known to readly trigger shame."

The importance of shame emotions and their beginning in early childhood

meriences are essential components in understandng and treating addictions.

However, it is stressed that while these factors are not necesserily alvrays present in all

addcted individuals, the research evidence strongly suggests that shame and

attachment insecurity is extensive among addicted inclviduals. In the case of alcoholic

clients and other addcted clients, it is useful to think of internalized shame as both the

cause and result of the addiction. Adcâctive patterns can deepen and exacerbate shame

that was aPready internalized long before the addictive pattern was established."

Treating shame-based persons with addctive problems, requires changing the

adckctive pattern of behavior early in treatment. This is essential to allowing the shame

to be add.essed either in aftercire, or conarrently with efforts to wrest the addictive

pattern. The incâviduals concerned need help to examine the valicIty of current self-

image and expectations of others that were based on chilctiood experiences outside

their control. They need to learn to identify their shame feelings and how they originated

in childhood experiences. By examining the source of the shame feelings and what

triggers them, "the client can learn to pay more attention to them and learn ways to

counteract them, especially in situations that place the client at risk for returning to the

adcbctive behavior.""

Fossum and Mason view addictions as "reservoirs" of family shame. They use the

"Cook, "Sherrie, Antic hm enterid Addictions,' 7.

"Ibid., 12.

18

term "shame bound" to describe certain families who often have a history of addictive

problems Cf physical abuse, or with family secrets such as a suicide or an affak-. In

these families addctions become central crganizing prindples for the system,

maintaining the system as well as the shame.'° By using secrets, mysteries, and myths

to protect their histcxy families become inheritcrs of shame. Such families develop a set

of rules and injunctions demanding control, pe rfectionism, blame and denial that leaves

each member with a burden of shame and and the ability to find ways to perpetuate the

shame to maintain its place in the system »

The intergenerational transmission of shame and attachment insecurity points to

likelihood that the parents of the client were themselves inadequately parented. - In

therapy a "no blame" stance must be taken and the client must now take responsibility

for himself or herself in changing the addictive behavicrs and learning a healthier

lifestyle. Since it is never too late for perents and chilcten to make changes in their

relationships, family -therapy "can assist all generations present to identify the losses and

rejections that have handicapped them, but do not prevent them from doing better now."21

Healing takes place when families can identify their shame and break their rules

maintaining it. This allows them to take down their masks and walls and express their

humanness. Masks and wall tve needed for survival and they we not taken down until it

is known why they were put there. 'These masks, with their accompanying role

behaviors, have provided the necessary coping until a person faces shame and

develops an identity and boundaries. n

Fotoum end Mu on, 123.

n Ibid., 44.

2 ' Cook, "Shen e, Akteehment, end Addictione, 1 11.

n F 'mum «id Mason, 57.

19

Addictive behaviors must always be addressed cirectly in therapy and change

fostered in these behaviors and then maintained (i.e. relapse prevention) once a change

has been made. Expicring shame and childhood experiences by itself is. not likely to

free the person from histher addiction. Arresting the addiction is only the beginning of.a

process. The vulnerability that predisposed the person to becoming adcâcted in the first

place may remain unchanged if not examined.'

Shame and Symptom Formation

Kaufman maintains that shame is at the core of most ferns of emotional illness:

Shame is the affect which is the source of many complex and dsturbing inner states: depression, alienation, self-doubt, isolating loneliness, paranoid and

schizoid phenomena, compulsive dsorders, splitting of the self, perfectionism, a deep sense of inferiority, inadequacy or failure, the so-called borderline conditions and the dsorders of narcissism.>

Michael Lewis points out that shame, like other intense emotions, when repressed,

denied, bypassed or otherwise not dealt With, is likely to lead to symptom formation. In

discussing "unfelt" cr bypassed shame, he suggests that shame is like an atomic

particle: "we often know where it is only by the trace it leaves, by the effects it causes.">

Much of the effect of shame in our lives occurs because of unacknowledged shame

which has to do with denial and its many manifestations, including depression, rage,

narcissism, and multiple personality dsorders. His discussion here is based on two

basic ideas: thoughts and feelings can be repressed, and their repression, acting as an

irritant, causes psychic difficulties that are expressed in symptoms.>

”Cook,"Sheme, ■Mtschment, end Adcktions, 11 12.

" Kaufrnen, The Psychology« Shane. 5.

skichaeileàs,Shetne: The Exposed Self, 119.

nIbid., 120.

20

Shame is not a pathological condition. It is a normal emotion, in the sense that

everybody is capable of feeling it and everybody does occasionally. The pathological

-condition is the incapability of feeling shame. Nobody likes to experience shame and

the normal reaction is to dissolve the shame feeling as soon as it °cars. Lewis uses the

term "emotional substitution" to describe the act whereby a person with unacknowledged

shame ciecides to focus on another emotional state. Emotional substitution is common

for many different emotions. One form this can take is to focus on only a single feature of

the feeling state rather than on the whole state. With shame a person could focus on a

specific feature such as blushing or mental confusion in an attempt explain the situation

and to avoid acknowledging shame. The difficulty is that this explanation is inconsistent

with what is really happening. Intrapsychic conflict has to result."

Another fcrm of substitution concerns the acknowledgement of a completely

different emotion. In some cases the emotion is not at all relevant to the situation, For

example, a person with unacknowledged shame may become manic and start to talk

compulsively. . In other cases the emotion can be connected with the situation.

The two major emotions relevant to unacknowledged shame are sadness and

anger. These ere not as uncomfortable to experience as is shame. To leel bad" is to be

sad. Sadness may be a natural substitution because shame is usually produced in the

presence of others or by the cause of others. "That these others have caused the shame

emotion you are feeling can lead naturally to sadness since someone you know has

caused you herm."'

When we feel shame we are also feeling pain. 'To be in pain implies a cause, and

anger is an apjxopriate emotion in crder to overcome a painful cause". Further, rather

"Ibid., 125.

"Ibid.

21

than channel anger outward, to the source of our shame pain, we may become angry

with ourselves for "the stupid thing I did." By focusing on the cause , we can avoid the

feeling itself. The anger tumed upon our action enables us to bypass the shame feeling,

and at the same time, "to correct the events likely to lead to shame again".n

Emotional substitution for, shame, within limits, is an absolutely normal rxocess.

However, it results in a person's being unaware of the emotion state that is currently

present. Lewis writes:

By not focusing on this state but instead attending to other aspects or other emotions, we lose the opportunity to understand the forces at wcrk around us and within us. This lack of focus may be adaptive, at least in part, since it protects the psyche from an intense and painful emotional experience. However, it is not totally beneficial, since the emotional state exists and is present, affecting our behavior, even if we are not attending to it. Substitution is a form of self-deception: it relieves the pain and &comfort but does not alter the state, at least not immeciately." 3°

Sporadic instances of shame can lead to sadness or anger as substitute emotions.

However, during extended and continuous shaming situations and interactions, saciness

turns to depression and anger to rage. "These pathological conditions arise from

prolonged histories of shame, either because incâviduals are shame-prone or because

they are trapped in interpersonal environments in which they are consistently shamed."

From a therapeutic point of view this leads to the compelling proposition that if the

therapist focuses upon the symptoms of depression or aggression he/she Nis likely to

miss the underlying stimulus event, namely, the global, internal attribution of failure

associated with being shamed."' Andrew Morrison similarly maintains that: "because

depression is so observable whereas shame so frequently remains hidden, this

" Ibid., 140.

Ibid., 141,

22

relationship has not been emphasized, and the elements of shame frequently have

remained unexplcred.'

Shame. Violence and Crime

Feelings of shame are often at the root of what may seem like irrational rage. In

studies of violent men under treatment, the psychiatrist, Dr. Melvin Lansky found that

shame played a key role in family violence. Most of the violent men had psychological

vulnerability, , (eg. a history of minor bain damage) that made them especially dependent

on their vrives to function well. Without their wives help, they believed they would be

overwhelmed and dsorganized. They were particularly humiliated by rernes by their

wives that made them feel incompetent, and typically they reacted with rage and

violence. The violence served two major purposes. It took attention away from the

dependency of the men and it gave them a sense that they were in control. "It is this

sense of disorganization and helplessness that is often reversed by completing the

violent act.""

Kaufman employs the term "intemal shame spiral" to describe a phenomenon by

which shame becomes more and more solidified within the emerging identity of an

indvidual. Some triggering event occurs which causes a person to become suddenly

enmeshed in shame. The eyes turn inward and the experience becomes totally internal,

frequently with visual imagery present. The shame feelings and thoughts flow in a circle,

endlessly triggering each other.

The precipitating event is relived over and over, causing the sense of shame to deepen, to absorb other neutral experiences that happened before as

" Andrei/Manton, "The Eye Turned insierd: Shame end the Self: in The lvtenv Fetes of Sterne, cd. Donald L. Nathanson (New York: Guilford Press, 1987), 119.

"Melvin R. Lanaky, °Violence, Shame end the Family,"int etneti one! Join& of Fundy Psychleitv, 5(1986): 2140.

23

well as those that may come later, until finally the self is engulfed. In this way shame becomes paralyzing. This internal shame spiral is experienced phenomenologically either as "tail-spinning" or "snowballing." Each occurrence of the shame spiral can go on to include a reliving of previous shame precipitating events which thereby solidifies shame further within the personality and spreads shame to many different people, situations, behavicrs, and parts of the self.'

Lewis points out that rage can take the form of violence, both against inclvicluals

and against property. He suggests, for example, that a brutal murder is likely to be

committed by someone the person knows well because it is likely to be caused by the

shame-rage of the murderer. "The victim, either knowingly or not, shames the murderer,

who becomes enraged over the shame and commits multiple violence against the

victim."'

Lewis further maintains that the shame-rage spiral can be applied to much of the

antisocial action in our society. "The consequences of poverty and of minority status

include not only the powerlessness that derives from such conditions, but also shame."

He suggests that if his analysis of the shame-rage spiral makes sense, we must

recognize its applicability to the social as well as to the individual level. "The illogical

ravaging of our cities and their infrastructure must be related to the intrapsychic

phenomenon of shame.""

Alice Miller believes that every murder not committed directly in self-defense but

on Innocent surrogate objects" is the expression of an inner compulsion, "a compulsion

et Kaufman, Shaine; The Powar of Celina, 67.

ukiiche.el Lertis, 156.

eilbid., 58.

24

to avenge the gross abuse, neglect, and confusion suffered during childhood."" She

further maintains that every aime is a cry for help. She states:

..Every criminal was once a victim, but not every victim necessarily becomes a criminal, It depends on whether an informed witness can help the victim to become aware of the cruelty experienced, that is, to feel and see the cruelty inflicted on him. Every adult criminal lacked this witness in his childhood; othenvise he would not have become a criminal. But it is never too late for this witness to appear.'

Accorchng to Miller, enlightened therapists, doctors, nurses, jtrists, and teachers

can become such rescuing witnesses. They can help the criminal by helping the child in

him. In pointing to the childhood of a cximinal or mass murdered Miller daims, 1 never

do so to arouse pity for a monster but solely to desaibe the genesis of monsters and to

show how an innocent child can be turned into an outright viicked person."'

Shame and Culture

Subjectively shame is experienced as embarrassment, feelings of unworthiness,

loss of selfhood, and despair which precipitate social withciawal and resentment.

Objectively it is social câsgace, exclusion, or ridicule which the goup projects onto the

defiled incividual. It refers to the "inner moral stigma and social offensiveness of our

mistakes." Shaming is used in many cultures as a deliberate deterrent to or penalty for

conduct of which the society disapproves."

Barbara McFerland and Tyeis Baker-Baumann bring further light to bare on this

" Mee Mil et Ottii3hed Knoseledge: Facing Chldhood Injuries, Mellott: Doubleday, 1990), 26.

"Ibid., 141.

"Ibid.

4' Kraus,'"The Cross of Chtist°., 222.

25

subiect area. They note that the more recent theories regarding shame and addiction

tend to focus on its development in the context of interpersonal relationships. While they

support the basic tenets of Ùleses theories, they point out a critical omission. The

omission focuses on ex culture's role in shame formation:

Our culture is based on patriarchal 'Principles which foster separation between God and man and man within himself. Patriarchy is a hierarchal system espousing the superiority and dominance of white males as a ruling g. o u p . The female perspective has been devalued."

The authors insist that the inferiority of the feminine has been a major factor in

shame formation. Ott culture, rather than viewing life from a holistic stance where the

masculine and feminine work in harmony, fosters an adversarial relationship between

the two. As a result, "a deep sense of shame has been created, not only for women who

believe they are innately inferior but for all individuals who demonstrate more feminine

qualities and values.'

Shame and Spirituality

John Bradshaw maintains that the problem of unhealthy shame is ultimately a

spiritual problem. He calls it "spiritual bankruptcy' He suggests that spirituality is the

essence of human existence. The wort of transforming unhealthy shame into healthy

shame leads directly to spirituality. "Healthy shame tells us that we are limited; we need

help; we are not God. There is something or someone g -eater than us. Healthy shame

is the source of spirituality. When we know our limitations, we know that there is

41 McFet1end end Baker- Baumann, 47.

"Ibid.

"John Bradshem Heeling the Shane that Binds You (Deerfield Beach, Florida: Heath Communications, 1988), 22.

26

something greater than ourselves."«

In further explcring culture as a primery teacher and therefore a contributor to the

development of shame in its members, McFarland and Baker-Baumann compare and

contrast culture as hierarchical or affiliative. Within the hierarchical framewat humans

are separated from God and need to do something to become one with God again.

"Spiritually, , this is the ultimate dsruption in the interpersonal bridge and becomes the

basis of perfectionism. Shame results from being disconnecter'. This

dsconnectedness leads to a continually seeking to re-establishing the bond by

controlling and transcencing human nature (emotions, needs, dives and body). The

body is not seen as sacred. God tends to be viewed as separate and capable of

objective, sometimes harsh, criticism of His creation. He has the capacity to destroy

creation at any time if He perceives that His creation doesn't live up to His standards.

Within the affiliative framework, individuals are in an ongoing relationship with

God, which does not require repair and consequently there is no shame. Rather than

striving for perfection, incâviduals are comfortable with their humanness and see

themselves as a part of nature rather than apart from nature. This incorporates a full

acceptance of their emotions, dives, needs and their bodes: Often in such a system,

God is seen as female or having many of the traditionally feminine characteristics. God

the creator, seen as a mother, has a relationship with the creation, like that between

parent and child. A human being is seen as godlike in both spiritual and physical forms

because both come through the parent. "When creation is seen as something that was

given birth to- therefore coming from and out of the body- the human body is viewed as

Ibid., 217.

"McFarland end Btizer-Batimennp 54.

27

holy, as divine- not evii.""

Kraus maintains that in the Christian view, shame and guilt are words that indicate

the offensiveness of sin. "They tre more than subjective feelings conditioned by a

relative cultural situation". They must be defined in terms of an ultimate authority which

delineates the true nature of human existence and relationship." The biblical concept of

humans created In the image of God" means that their true nature and responsibility

must be defined in relation to God. "This gives both shame and guilt an objective moral

status which must be taken seriously in the act of moral pardon."

Unlike guilt feelings, which may be removed when they are confessed, shame is

associated with concepts of sin as defilement or uncleanness, and it is experienced as a

sense of defilement « unworthiness in another's presence. "Shame is a fundamental

aspect of the moral response, but its full ethical character depends upon an ethical

perception of the holy one in whose presence it feels defilement!" 8

Bonhoeffer states that shame causes a feeling of lacking something because it

gows out of our disunion with God. In the face of sunion we tend to withdraw further

from God and from other people, and from ourselves. We try to hide our short-comings,

our failure and cxr weakness."

Our alienation from God, from other people, and from ourselves produces shame in

two ways. The first type gows out of an alienation which is imposed on us by the false

values of our society. If we choose to buy into this system we become obsessed, for

example, with success, which causes us to fear failure. Our need to be strong makes

"Ibid., 57.

" Kraus, "The Cross of Civist," 222.

4$ Kraus, Jesus Christ Our Lord, 206.

" Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Ethics (NewYork: ttiscmillen, 1965), 20.

28

men, for example, ashamed of their weakness. We fail to live up to such false goals

which,in the final analysis, label most of us inadequate. The second type of shame

comes out of our turning away from God, which acardng to the Bible is the most

important source of shame. Many people today seek security and salvation through

devotion to status, success, power, respectability, etc., rather than through God."

Goodhue daims that we should help people to deal with feelings of shame that

come out of failure to meet false societal expectations. However, the shame which

comes from otr tuming away from God requires race and forgiveness. The good news

is that shame can be overcome by the restoration of our relationship with God. "This

restcration is possible because Jesus is not ashamed to be our brother; God is not

ashamed to be our God."51

Kraus asserts that *the Christian doctrine of reconciliation must deal with shame

and it must do it in suc.h a way that it does not condone or augment the objective fault.

The intention of forgiveness is to nullify shame so that reconciliation and a new

beginning become possible." From his investigations emerge several insights that are

most helpful in understanding how the crucifbdon of Christ can reconcile alienated

humans:"

(1) First, shame is experienced as an interiorized moral response and not merely

experienced as embarrassment in the presence of others. Lynd observes that there is a

perticularly deep shame in deceiving other persons into believing something about

oneself that is not true."

uTom Goodhue, "Shwa," Qmgdelyjaektsy, 4 (Summer, 1984): 57-65.

st Bonhoeffer, 22

u Kraus, "The Cross of Chet,' 223.

"Helen Merrel led, On Shame end the Seth forldentity(Newslotk: Harcourt, Brace end Company, 1958J,32.

29

(2) Second, shame amdety occire as a result of not living up to an ideal in contrast

to guilt anxiety, which focuses on the punitive consequences of one's actions. If the

above analysis is correct, it suggests that where shame is a major factor in psychological

and cultural development, relationships and ideals will be more important than law and

punitive threats.

(3) Third, shame is an isolating anxiety, which if unresolved becomes a potentially

more serious disruptive force than guilt. It includes but goes deeper than the fear of

abandonment or excommunication which may enforce conformity to the goup ncrm. It is

an isolating, alienating anxiety which inhibits communication. Kaufman describes it as a

"total experience that forbids communication with words," and he speaks of its effect as

"rage" in contrast to anger. "Rage," he writes, "protects self against further exposure and

further experiences of shame by both insulating the self and keeping others away.

Anger directly invites contact in crder to get one's needs mer

(4) Fourth, shame does not respond to the law of talion (punishment equal to the

offense)._ Suffering punishment for the mistake may sa-een the feelings, but it cannot

genuinely relieve the anguish of shame. Only forgiveness which covers the past and a

genuine restoration of relationship can banish shame It is banished when open

communication is established through loving identification and the wcrth of each can be

mutually affirmed.

" Kaufman, *The Meaning of Sherne,"Joutrof of Counseling Peehology 21(November 1974): 568-574.

Chapter 3

THE CHRISTIAN EDUCATIONPROGFIAMS

Introduction

A group of seven prisoners was selected for participation in a Christian Education

Progam. Prior to the selection of the group of seven, appremately twenty-. five

randomly selected prisoners were seen individually. The nature of the proposed project

was explained to them. They were then given an Internalized Shame Scale

questionnaire which was explained to them. They were asked to complete the question

and return the quesionnaire to the examiner.

From the twenty-five returned questionnaires, the final group was selected on the

basis of the resulting scores, the length of time remaining in the sentences of the

individuals and the amount of Ili* involvement in other. programs and commitments in

the institution. Eight participants were selected initially but one ctopped out just pic* to

the first session. Each of the men was seen individually befcre the first goup meeting.

The nature of the Christian Education Program was emlained a little more in depth, and

oppertunity was given for any questions or concerns. Regarding the Internalized Shame

Scale, each participant was infcrmed that at the completion of the Christian Education

Progam he would be asked to complete the questionnire once again.

30

31

The Development of the Proçram

The Christian Education Proçrams were desimed in four succeecing steps.' The

first step was one of Preparation. It was the ptrpose of this preparatcry step to enable

the participant to read and reflect upon the message of a selected passage of scripture.

Each prisoner was asked to identify with the incident in the scripture passage and with

either the main character or some other person in the stcry. The idea was to allow the

message to speak to him experientially.

The next step, "Breaking In- Something To Think About," was intended to help the

prisoner think about feelings which may have been repressed, as well as attitudes which

he was disinclined to she with others.

In the third step, "Breaking Up- Something To Talk About," more in depth sharing

occurred within the context of the çroup. It was considered that within the common

atmosphere of trust and acceptance, the prisoner would share where he needed to be

healed.

The fourth and final step of the progam, "Breaking Out- Something To Act Upon,"

was designed to challenge the participants to some form of commitment. It was believed

that gowth could not take place unless some definite plan of action, with specific goals,

was acted upon by the goup members.

Out of many needs, seven are thought to influence the development of peoples'

identities.' When indviduals' psychological needs go unmet in any particular situation,

they experience certain emotions and issues. If the needs ere met with some

consistency, children develop healthy identities. Indivicluals whose needs are not

regularly met are likely to be shame-prone. The following table identifies patterns of

' Veinotte.

Finer end Hoopes, citing Thomas J. &heft *Universei Expressive Needs: ACtitique end &Then," emigedgekrŒ, 8 (1965J: 241-262.

Wholeness Joy Acceptance

32

needs and associated affects and issues. The last need, 'Wholeness," rgxesents a

healthy mature acceptance of one's life and ciramnstances. This state cannot be

reached without the other six being met and without the gowth that comes from

struggies to have them met.'

Identification of Psychological Needs and

Connected Affect and Intemersonal Issues

Psychological Affect When Need Interpersonal Issue

Need Is Not Met When Need Is Not Met

Intimacy . Nonspecific Rage Insufficiency

Productivity Anger/Hurt Rejection

Dependency Humiliation Worthlessness

Sense and Order Fear Abandonment

Uniqueness Ten-or • Emptiness

To Have Choices Grief Loss

Psychological Affect When Need Interpersonal Issue

Need Is Not Met When Need Is Met

'Herperend Hoopes,42.

33

On the basis of these psychological needs, affects, and in particular the

interpersonal issues, seven Christian Education Programs were designed. Specific

biblical passages were selected for development. These passages were chosen on the

basis that they would lend themselves to an elaboration of the interpersonal issues that

arise when the psychological needs ere not met. One passage was selected for each

interpersonal issue. In three cases the particular progam was spread over two

sessions, making for a total ten week program.

Program One: Insufficiency (Intimacv - Nonspecific Rage)

Introduction

The pu-pose of this progam is to involve the group in a personal exploration and

dscussion of Luke 5: 1-11 With reference to the interpersonal issue of insufficiency.

When the psychological need for intimacy is not met, feelings of frustration and the affect

of nonspecific rage are created. At these times individuals feel insufficient,

unacceptable, and overwhelmed by nonspecific rage. Shame confronts and questions a

person's self-value, and therefore defensive behavior often results. Rage is a form

defensive behavior. It is a strategy to protect oneself against the exposure of shame as

well as to keep others away so further shame will not occur. The rage is nonspecific

because it is never consciously acknowledged or labeled. The idea of insufficiency

implies the idea that,"I'm not good enough".4

Genuine intimacy is an experience of shered openness. It is the willingness to be

who and what we are with another person who is willing to do the same. Intimacy

requires a hi gh degree of trust that both people in the relationship will be psycholoçically

4 Ibid.,44.

34

and physically safe. Trusting is a choice. Appropriate trusting is a reasonable choice 1

based on a person's record of consistent reliability tempered with a realistic

understandng of human limitations. People inevitably dsappoint and fail each other.

God alone deserves our total trust. Intimacy also requires the risk of mutual dsclosure.

This is a terrifying prospect if we see ourselves as dtferent and less than others.'

Step One: Preparation

Read. Participants in the goup are asked to read the following scripture passage

in silence (Luke 5:1-11).

Now it came about that while the multitude were pressing around Him and listening to the word of God, He was standing by the lake of Gennesaret; and He saw two boats lying at the edge of the lake; but the fisherman had gotten out of them, and were washing their nets. And He got into one of the boats, which svas Simon's, and asked him to put out a littie way from the land. And He sat down and began teaching the multitudes from the boat. And when He had finished speaking He said to Simon, "Put out into the deep water and let down your nets for a catch." And Simon answ«ed and said "Master, we worked hard all nit and caught nothing, but at Your bidding I will let down the nets." And when they had done this, they enclosed a geat quantity of fish; and their nets began to break; and they signaled to their partners in the other boat, for them tos come and help them. And they came, and filled both of the boats, so that they began to sink. But when Simon Peter saw that, he fell down at Jesus' feet, saying, "Depart from me, for I am a sinful man, 0 Lord!" For amazement had seized him and all his companions because of the catch of fish which they had taken; and so also James and John, sons of Zebedee, who were partners with Simon. And Jesus said to Simon, "Do not fear, from now on you will be catching men." And when they had brout their boats to land, they left everything and followed Him.

Beffectim, In silence reflect on the incident recorded in the scripture passage.

Close your eyes if necessary to picture the scene. Imagine yourself to be Simon Peter.

You are standing on the seashore. What do you experience as you see the crowd

6 SendraD.Whon, Releued From Shame Deeer's ( rove, Illinois: intertersityPress,1990), 140.

35

gathering eround Jesus? How do you react when He stops and gets into your boat and

asks you to push off from the shore? What does He say to you? As he sits down and

begins to teach, what do you think? Does He make sense? When He finishes speaking

and and asks you to go out further into the water and let down yotr nets, how do you

react? Why do you listen to him and obey him? To your amazement you see the nets

become full of fish. How do you respcxxl? Can you look Jesus in the face? If so, how do

you feel when His eyes meet yours? Continue in your fantasy until the gaup leader

calls you back to the group session.

Step Two: Breaking In

Something To Think About

1. If I was Peter stancing on the seashore watching the crowd gather around

Jesus I would have (circle one):

a) been concerned about my nets and told them to stay away.

b) been very arious and excited to see and hear what was happening.

C) gotten into my boat and lett the scene.

d) been cynical and mocked Jesus' motives.

e) kept on working and not paid attention.

2. If Jesus had come up and gotten into my boat and asked me to push off from the shore I would have felt (circle one):

a) very angry at Him and told Him to get out immediately.

b) excited and honored that He chose my boat.

36

C) embarrassed because everybody was looking at me.

d) confused by all the noise and people around me.

e) suspicious and skeptical of why he had singled me out.

3. I believe the reason why Jesus asked Peter to let down the nets was to (circle one):

a) show everybody that He was a good fisherman.

b) catch fish to pay Peter for the use of his boat.

c) show that He had super power.

d) shame the fishermen because they couldn't catch anything.

e) test Peter's faith.

Step Three: Breaking Up-

Something To Talk About

1. When Peter said, "Depart from me, for I am a sinful man," he was probably

feeling (circle two):

PhonY goiltY

b) drty e) unworthy

c) embarrassed f) alienated or cut-off

d) tired g) unimportant

2. When it comes to letting others know how I really feel I (circle one):

a) hesitate to let my real feelings show.

37

b) don't believe anybody would understand me.

c) would be afraid of being exposed.

d) would be afraid of being laughed at and not accepted.

e) don't think I wcxild take the risk.

f)

Step Four: Breaking Out

Something To Act Upon

1. "...they left everything and followed Him." Right now in my life I feel that I:

(circle one):

a) am in the place where I know I should be.

b) need to be open to change and new direction.

C) am headed in the wrong direction.

d) am doing what I can- I c:an' do anymore,

e) don't are. I don't want to think about it.

2. For me to change the way I feel about myself and the way my life is

heading I would jxobably have to (circle one):

a) win a lottery.

b) be honest with myself and stop playing games.

C) be willing to open up and deal with some of my problems.

d) commit my life to God.

e) settle down to a steady job and really work at it.

f)

38

3. If I knew that I could count on the support of the others in my goup, I

would like to

(write out some statement).

Proçram One: Part Two (Week Two)

&ken_ I would like for you to picture yourself in front of a mirror. Where are

you? What do you notice around you? As you look into the mirror what do you notice

about yourself? As you are still looking into the mirror I want you to notice that somebody

is aprxoaching from behind you. You are not sure who it is, but as the person comes

doser you recognize it to be Jesus. What does he look like? If you can, let him put his

hand on your shoulder. What if anything, does he say to you? Can you say something to

him. You . can stay with the scene and carry on the conversation until you are ready to

come bad: to the goup.

Procram Two: Rejection (Productivity - Anger/Hurt)

Introduction

The purpose of this progam is to involve the goup in a personal exploration and

discussion of John 8: 2-11 with reference to the interpersonal issue of rejection. When

the psychological need to be productive and positively affirmed for productivity is not

met, incividuals experience anger and/or hurt, along with rejection.

Children need to know that they are productive, contributing members in their

family. In dysfunctional families recognition and acceptance by parents for contributions

and achievements are not natural for children. Positive affirmation is often so irregular

39

and unpredictable that child -en experience every comment and act by parents ancVor

other adults as punishing. Because of criticism and perceived demands for perfection by

their parents, early attempts by chilcfren to be productive in their families are experienced

as rejection. They become shamed. Consequently, they live in feer that what they do

will be criticized or igncred. They feel dsmissed as contributing members of the family.

Any reaction may be seen as confirmation that they are unacceptable as a person,

intensifying their fear of rejection. They defend against the entire pattern by projecting

hurt or anger. From their perspective, shame-prone children see their failures as self-

evident, and ther anger surfaces. 6

Expressing anger is not acceptable in many dysfunctional families. Yet in other

dysfunctional families anger is the emotion most often expressed. Shame-prone

chilcien react to the accumulation of anger connected to shameful experiences in two

me ways. They express it in passive-agçressive behavicr, or they repress it and push

it down, burying it deep where it festers and is a continual source of pain. Passive-

aggessive behavicx is a natural response to frustration as child-en vent their anger in

incârect ways. It is not unusual to utilize both methods of expression, very much at an

unconscious level.'

Step One: Preparation

Read Participants are asked to read the following scripture passage in silence .

(John 8: 2-11).

....And early in the morning Jesus came into the temple, and all the people were coming to him, and He sat down and began to teach them. And the scribes and phaisees brought a woman caught in adultery, and having set her in the midst, they said to Him, "Teacher, this woman has been caught in adultery, in the very act.

'Ibid., 195.

'Ibid., 196.

40

Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women; what then do you say?" And they were saying this, testing Him. But Jesus stooped down, and with His finger vote on the round. But when they persisted in asking Him, He straightened up, and said to them, "He who is without sin among you, let him be the frst to throw a stone at her." And again He stooped down and wrote on the gound. And when they heard it, they began to go out one by one, beginning with the older ones, and He was left alone, and the woman, where she was ,in the midst. And straightening up, Jesus said to her, "Woman, where are they? Did no one condemn you?" And she said, "No one, Lad." And Jesus said, "Neither do I condemn you; go your way. From now on sin no mee."

Reflection Picture yourself in the woman's situation. You have just been caught for

an offense that is punishable by death. What do you feel as the crowd drags you into the

temple and ridicules you. You don't know where you are being taken. Yotr neighbors

ere in the crowd making rude comments and saying that they knew all along that you

would never amount to anything. Suddenly you ee brought there in front of this man

Jesus, and there is silence as you stand there with your head bowed low. You lift your

head slightly and look into the face of Jesus as the crowd puts him on the spot. What do

you see? How does Jesus react? You lower your head again wondering what will

happen to you. You hear Jesus reply, "Let anyone among you who is without sin be the

first to tlyow a stone at her." What do you feel when you hear those words? In the

silence that follows you are aware of the movement of footsteps as people ben to move

away. You suddenly aware that you are alone with Jesus. You look up and he asks you

where all your accusers have gone. What do you feel when he tells you that he tells you

that he does not condemn you. He tells you to go your way. You slowly walk on in

silence until the picture of Jesus gets smaller and smaller and you can no longer see

him.

Step Two: Breaking In

Something To Think About

41

1. If I had been in the crowd when the woman was brout befcre Jesus I would

have (circle one):

a) joined in with the crowd and put the woman down.

b) spoken out and defended the woman.

C) quietly left the scene when I saw what was happening.

d) stood back in silence to see what would happen.

e)

2. The woman in the story probably felt (rank in order of intensity-1,2,3,etc. or NM

for not applicable):

a) guiitY

b) rejected

c) drty

d) wcrthless

e) lonely

f) afraid

g) angry

3. "But Jesus stooped down, and with His finger wrote on the goure.

In yotr opinion: What do you think he may have written? What do you think

he was feeling?

42

Step Three: Breaking Up-

Something To Talk About

1. Growing up as a child in my family (Check True, False, « NIA):

TRUE FALSE N/A

a) no matter what I cid, it was never quite good enough.

b) I seldom if ever received positive affirmation f« the things I accomplished (i.e. received praise or compliments).

C) I often feared being criticized.

d) I often felt ign«ed.

e) I often felt unproductive (i.e. never contributed or gave much to my family)

f) I had a temper (got angry fairly easily/often).

g) expressing anger was not acceptable.

2. In my lite, the place where I experience(ed) the most rejection is (was) (rank in

order of importance- 1,2,3, etc. or N/A):

a) at school.

at work.

C) from my family.

from God.

e) from my spouse (wife,girifriend).

f) from my friends.

g) from society

43

3. When I feel/ fett rejected I feel/felt like (circle one):

a) fighting back.

I)) dying.

C) laughing it off.

e) crying.

f) crawling into a hole and never coming out.

g) praying for the ones who hurt me.

h)

Step Four: Breaking Out-

Something To Act Upon

1. The area in my life where I need to g-ow the most is in (circle one):

a) my self-acceptance.

b) my spiritual life.

C) my relationship with people.

d) my freedom to be myself.

e) my ability to take action.

f)

2. Letting go of my controls and defenses and talking openly about things going

on in my life (circle those which apply best to you)) is:

a) easy for me to do.

b) ha.d for me to do.

C) embarrassing.

44

d) something I'd like to be able to do more of.

e) something I need to do but am not ready to try.

f) not necessary or helpful to me.

Program Three: Worthlessness (Dependency - Humiliation)

integlin

The purpose of this prog-am. is to involve the ‘roup in a personal exploration and

discussion of Luke 15: 11-24 with reference to the interpersonal issue of worthlessness.

When the psychological need for dependence is not met, individuals respond with

humiliation and worthlessness. Being small and incapable of taking care of themselves,

child-en have a need to be dependent upon parents for material goods, emotional

support, and information about how to live. Dysfunctional parents are inadequate in

meeting their cheen's needs to be dependent. These parents resent the tact that

other's have dependency needs. They give messages of victimization and martyrdom

which permeate the family. A child's response to this is one of humiliation, a response

much deeper than rage, anger, and hurt. It strikes at the very. core of one's being. The

shamed person believes, "I am bad. No one can love me or want me near them."8

Parents who are unwilling to accept responsibility for themselves and thei

child-en leave their children with a strong sense of powerlessness. They become victims

of their parents, teachers, peers, and society. Victims easily fall into the role of martyrs.

Further, they may abuse others, much as they have been abused. "The roles of victims,

martyrs, and abusers develop in drect response to parents' and other adults' inability

and unwillingness to allow child-en to be dependent in healthy ways." There is anger at

elbid.,45.

45

not being permitted to be dependent. Underlying this anger is a sense of shame

integrated with the fear of rejection and worlhlessness. "Because of their implied

badness' these chilcten feel neglected and unworthy of parental care. They perceive

ttiat their unwcrthiness is the reason fcr

Step One; Preparation

Read. The participants are asked to read the following scripture passage in

silence (Luke 15: 11- 24).

There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, "Father, give me my share of the estate.» So he dvided his property between them. Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a dstant country and there squandered his wealth in +Wild living. Alter he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him into his fields to feed pigs. He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything. When he came to his senses he said, "How many of my father's hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him, Father, I have sinned against heaven, and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men'." So he got up and went to his fattier. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him, and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. The son said to him, "Father I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am not worthy to be called your son." But the father said to his servants, "Quick! Bring out the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf, kill. Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead, and has is alive again; he was lost, and is found." So they began to celebrate.

Reflection. Imagine yourself to be the younger son in the story. You are

waiting on a farm feeding pigs. It is not what you ever expected to be doing but there

you are trying to su-vive. You left home a few months ago with your share of your father's

money. You have really lived -it-up and partied away everything you had. You are

'Ibid., 199.

46

desperate now and are barely surviving. All of your so-called nfriends" have deserted

you. You have lots of time to think now. How dd you end up in this mess?. Why id you

leave in the frst place?. You remember what it was like ba c ( at home. You wonder what

everybody is doing and if they ever think of you. It suddenly occurs to you that if you

went home you would not have to live like this. Your mind races?. What do you feel as

you think about going home? What questions do you ask yotrself?. Reflect upon the

relationship you had with your fattier and the rest of the family. You finally decide to

return home. It is a long journey and you have lots of doubts and questions. The

moming finally arrives when you are in your familier area and you see your house fer off.

Nobody is expecting you. What do you feel as you get doser to home?. As you get

doser you see somebody stancing in the garden. You stop and look. The person starts

running down the road toward you. You are suddenly aware that it is your fattier and he

is running to meet you. What do you feel?. What do you do?. You meet each other.

What happens?. What does he say? Can you say something to him? Stay with the

story until are ready to come back to the goup.

Step Two: Breaking In-

Something To Think About

1. As I see it, the son in the story is (ci-de one):

a) a loser.

b) weak.

C) a risk-taker.

d) stupid.

e) human.

f)

47

2. The son probably left home because (ci-de one):

a) he could not get along with the rest of his family.

b) his father expected too much was too demandng.

C) he knew he could manipulate his father to get whatever he wanted.

d) he was ctrious and wanted to see the world.

e) he was a rebel and rejected most of the things he was txought up to believe.

f) he was selfish, reckless and foolish and only cared about himself and his own needs and desires.

Step Three: Breaking Up-

Something To Talk About

1. A shaming relationship is one in whic:h a message is sent that there is

something wrong with a person, that he/she is worthless. In çrowing up was there a

significant other person who gave you such messages through any of the following

behaviors: (ci-de each statement that may have been true for you):

a) said or implied that I was fat, ugly, stupid, bad, unlovable, or worthless.

b) called me names.

c) swore at me.

cf) ignored me, as if what I said cr dd was not important.

e) criticized quite often what I did and how I dd it.

f) criticized me or made fun of me in front of others.

g) told me that I was not as good as other people.

h) told me that the way I feel was stupid or unimpertant.

i) hit, pushed, slapped, kicked, Cf otherwise physically abused me.

j) often acted dsappointed, angy , or dsgusted with me.

k) told me that I VMS weird or crazy.

I) refused to touch me or only touched me for sex or punishment.

m) told me I should die, disappear,get rid of myself, or get lost.

2. In terms of my own response to the spiritual meaning of the story, in

particular, concerning my returning to God (circle one):

a) I can/ seem to find the way back.

b) I am not worthy of returning to God.

C) I'd rather stay where I am.

d) I'm on the way home.

e) I'm already home to stay.

e)

Step Four: Breaking Out-

Something To Act Upon

1. As part of healing my life I need to (circle those which apply):

a) reach out to others at the times when I feel least acceptable.

b) gow in my relationship with God.

C) have the courage to open up more with the goup.

48

49

d) spend more time alone to think.

e) gow up and leave home.

2. When it comes to understanding my family and trying to understand its

negative influences on my life today:

a) I would rather forget about it because it is too painful.

b) I have a good understancing and have warted through much of the hurt and pain.

C) I need to do lots of work and get some ansrvers.

d) I get stuck in the hurt and pain instead wating it through.

e) My family life was g-eat and there were very few problems that influence me negatively today.

f)

3. In dealing with my family of origin and being more free to leave home, I

would need to: (ci-de those which may be helpful in your situation):

a) insist that I am treated with respect.

b) minimize contact with family members who cannot or will not stop putting me down.

C) stay away from my family completely.

e) leam to treat myself with more respect.

f) forgive or at least be willing to forgive.

50

Program Four: Abandonment (Sense and Order - Feet)

Introduction

The purpose of this progam is to involve the goup in a personal exploration and

dscussion of Matthew 27: 27-40, 50 with reference to the interpersonal issue of

abandonment. When the psycholocjcal need for sense and order is not met, deep

pervasive fear of a senseless, crazy world and issues of abandonment result. "When

parents do not or cannot help children make sense and crder of the world and provide

some kind of structure for a particular situation, child-en experience the wcrld at that

moment as crazy." They become fearful. The parents of these child-en usually cannot

make sense of their min world. The order they manage is one of rigidrty and

unreasonableness, prompted by their own fears. 1 °

For children who experience senselessness and disorder, the intemal response

to this is a feeling of helplessness. At this point the pain is very intense and reality is

terribly distcrted. They seek some kind of release or a buffer for the pain through all

kinds of addctions. They become masters at games of manipulations and power, always

unsatisfied, ahvays hiding the 'truth' about themselves. They fear exposure because

they believe that being vulnerable will lead to abandonment. "Shyness, embarrassment,

and self-consciousness are fcrms that this fear takes". Even in safe situations with safe

people shame-prone inividuals suppose that they will be embarassed and eventually

abandoned. "Because their world makes little sense to these children, they tend to lose,

or never fully develop, a sense of appropriate behavior. They act out the craziness they

experience." Structures like schools, court systems, church, etc. hold little meaning or

respect for them. "Rules are to be broken.'

"Ibid., 41.

"Ibid., 203.

51

Step One: Preparation

Read. The participants are asked to read the following scripture passage in

silence (Matthew 27: 27- 46; 50).

Then the solders of the governor took Jesus into the govemor's headquarters and they gathered the whole cohorl around him. They stripped him and put a scarlet robe on him and after twisting some thorns into a crown, they put it on his head. They put a reed in his right hand and knelt before him and mocked him saying, "Hail, King of the Jewsr They spat on him, and took the reed and struck him on the head. After mocking him, they stripped him of the robe and put his put his own clothes on him. They led him away to crucify him.

As they went out, they came upon a man of Cyrene named Simon; they compelled this man to carry his cross. And when they came to a place called Golgotha, (which means Place of a Skull), they offered him wine to &ink mixed with gall; but when he tasted it, he would not &ink it. And when they crucified him, they divided his clothes among themselves by casting lots; they sat down there and kept watch over him. Over his head they put the charge against him, which read, "THIS IS JESUS THE KING OF THE JEWS."

Then two bandits were cruci fied with him, one on his right and one on his left. Those who passed by derided him, shaking their heads, and saying, "You who would destroy the temple and rebuild it in tree days, save yourself! If you are the son of God come down from the cross." In the same way the chief priests also, along with the scribes and elders, were mocking him, saying, "He saved others; he cannot save himself. He is the King of Israel; let him come down from the cross now, and we will believe in him. He trusts in God; Let God deliver him now, if he wants too; for he said, 'I am God's Son." The bandits who were crucified with him also taunted him in the same way.

From noon on, darkness came over the whole land until three in the afternoon. And about three o'clock Jesus cried out with a loud voice saying, "Eli, Eli, Lama Sabachthani?" that is "My God, My God, Why Have You Forsaken Me?" Then Jesus cried out again with a loud voice and breathed his last..

Reflection. Let yois mind set the scene as it is described in the scripture

passage. Imagine yourself as one of the bystanders watching the crucifbcion of Jesus.

You have heard of this man and heard of his teachings, his miracles and his daims to be

God's son. Now you have watched him as he has been arrested, beaten, mocked,

a) doubt.

b) fear

c) hurt

d) pain.

e) emptiness.

f) helpless.

g) betrayed.

h) rejected.

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sentenced to death and now hung on a cross to die. How do you feel as you watch the

sc.ene before you? What do you think of this Jesus? He seemed to have so much trust

in his Father You hear somebody shout out, "He trusts in God, let God deliver him now if

this is His son." How do you feel? What thoughts go throuei your mind? As you stand

near the cross in silence and time passes, you are suddenly awere that daftness falls

over the whole area. It is almost like night. You are startled. You look at the cross and

you hear Jesus shout out with a loud voice, "My God, my God, why have you abandoned

me?" What do you think Jesus is feeling and experiencing as he shouts those words?...

There is silence and you realize that Jesus is dead. What is your reaction?

Step Two: Breaking In-

Smuthing_Whink_Ab9ut

1. "My God, my God why have you fcrsaken me?" When Jesus shouted

those wcrds he was feeling (circle two of the following which in your opinion you tilink

were the strongest in intensity):

2. Do you think Jesus felt shame here in this story? Yes. No.

Please explain

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3. For Jesus to daim that He was the son of God, that God was His father,

I believe that he was (circle one):

a) a lunatic (crazy).

b) a liar.

c)..deceived.

d) on a power trip.

e) who he said He was.

Step Three: Breaking Up-

Something To Talk About

1. Consider the following statements and circle the number to the left of

each that comes closest to your experience:

SCALE 1 2 3 4 5

NEVER SELDOM SOMETIMES FREQUENTLY ALMOST ALWAYS

SCALE 1 2 3 4 5 1. Deep inside me I have experienced a feeling of helplessness.

1 2 3 4 5 2. Lite for me »ems senseless and crazy.

1 2 3 4 5 3. Growing up in my family, it seems that my parents had dfficulty being intimate.

1 2 3 4 5 4. When I feel helpless, I feel deep and intense pain.

1 2 3 4 5 5. As a child I feared that my parents would abandon me and leave me alone.

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1 2 3 4 5 6. Growing up, living in my family was a frightening and crazy exmience.

1 2 3 4 5 7. As a child I was shy and was embarrassed easily.

1 2 3 4 5 8. Growing up I remember times when my mother and/or father withdrew love from me, or became emotionally unavailable to me.

2. When I feel helpless and feel intense pain and ter, I usually deal with it by

turning to (circle those which best apply to you):

a) alcohol and/or other thugs.

b) food.

C) sex.

d) religion.

e) God.

f) my friends.

g) nothing « nobody.

h).

Step Four: Breezing Out-

Something To Act Upon

Read the following statements and respond to each one by checking either

"Agee" or "cksagee". Give a lxief comment to explain your choice.

AGREE DISAGREE

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1. Emotions are unnecessary, bothersome and embarrassing.

2. Emotions are bad and dangerous, so I am safer when I

avoid them.

3. If I ben to feel my emotions, I will go crazy.

4. It is stupid to get all upset over things that happened

years ago. It is best to forget the past.

5. When I felt sad as a child, no one was there for me. I

couldn't stand to feel that despair and loneliness again.

6. I was told as a child I should never be angy. Somehow

I know God is angy about my anger.

7. Unless I explode with anger, people will walk all over

me.

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Program Five: Emptiness (Uniqueness - Terra)

Intoduedon_

The pu-pose of this progam is to involve the goup in a personal exploration and

dscussion of Matthew 26: 3-4, 14-16, 20-25, 47-50, and 27: 3-5 with reference to the

interpersonal issue of emptiness. Within each child is a desk-e to be unique and

sepErate. When individuals experience a chronic failure to meet their psychological

need for uniqueness, they end up feeling terra and experiencing emptiness that

accompanies the deep-rooted belief that they are bad and wa-thless and that there is no

hope for them. The internal response of hopelessness grows and pushes the individual

toward suicide or illness." Emptiness is an emotional by-product of the shame-prone

identity. As Bradshaw has stated, to feel any feeling is shame-reducing. This is probably

the case because any feeling replaces the void, the empty hole created by shame."

If the psyc.hological needs for intimacy, productivity, dependency, and sense and

order are not met with some consistency by parents and other adults, childen cannot

experience being valued as unique and separate family members. They accumulate

pain and add it to their burden of worthlessness, failures, and expectation of

abandonment. They deny their feelings, and as a result, experience emptiness,

nothingness, and severe aloneness, leadng to a sense of helplessness. Such children

have been denied the experience of connecting with their ovm emotions. They are both

consciously and unconsciously dependent on their parents. They cannot seperate from

their parents. In describing such a person, Nice Miller %mites:

"Ibid., 205.

Bradehew

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"He cannot rely on his own emotions, has not come to experience them through trial and error, has no sense of his own real needs and is alienated from himself to the highest degree. 14

In the emptinesrJuniquenessiterror pattern. indviduals know that they have been

found out, that everyone knows that they are "bad". They are dealing with terror-

unnamed, pervasive, controlling. Their identity is weakened to the point that they are left

with nothing that is strong enough to counteract the strong emotions of fear, and terror;

they are left with emptiness. Most of these feelings are irrational, with terror stronger

than any other curent feeling or behavior."

Step One: Preparation

Read. The participants are asked to read the following passage in silence

(Matthew 26:3-4, 14-16, 20-25, 47-50; 27: 3-5):

Then the chief priests and the elders of the people gathered together in the palace of the high priest, who was Caiaphas; and they conspired to arrest Jesus by stealth, and kill Him. But they said, "Not during the festival, or there may be a riot among the people." Then one of the twelve (dsciples), named Judas Iscalot, went to the chief priests and said, "What are you willing to give me if I betray him to you?" They paid him thirty pieces of silver. And from that moment he began looking for an opportunity to betray him.

When it was evening he (Jesus) took his place with the twelve (disciples); and while they were eating, he said, `Truly I say to you, one of you will betray me." And they became gr eatly dstressed and began to say to him one after the other, "Surely not I Lord?" He answered , "He who has dipped his hand into the bowl with me will betray me. The Son of Man goes as it is written of him; but woe to the one by whom the Son of Man is betrayed! It would have been better for that one not to have been born." Judas who was betraying him said, "Surely not I, Rabbi?" He replied, "You have said so."

While he (Jesus) was still speaking, Judas, one of the twelve arrived; with him was a large crowd with swcrds and dubs, from the chief priests and elders of

"Moe Miller, Drum of the Gifted Chld.

nHerperendHoopes, 205.

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the people. Now the betrayer had given them a sign, saying, 'The one I will kiss is the the man; arrest him". At once he came up to Jesus and said, "Greetings, Rabbi!" and kissed him. Jesus said to him, 'Friend, do what you are here to do." Then they came and laid hands on Jesus and arrested him.

Then when Judas, who had betrayed him, saw that he had been condemned, he felt remcrse and returned the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders, saying, "I have betrayed innocent blood." But they said, 'What is that to us? See to that yourself!" And he threw the pieces of silver into the sanctuary and departed; and he went away and hanged himself.

Belem_ Imagine yourself to be Judas in this story. You had been with Jesus

for about three years now, following him, listening to his teachings and seeing the wats

that he dd. What was it like being one of the twelve disciples? Something happened

and you decided that you had enough. What was it that caused you to turn him over to

his enemies? You remember that night, watching the crowd as they took Jesus away.

You have just been informed that Jesus has been condemned to death. You ere

shocked to your senses as you ben to realize what you dd. What do you feel? What

thoughts rush through your mind? What can you do?... You realize that it is too late.

What happens from here?. Stay with the story until you ere ready to come back to the

gouP.

Step Two: Breaking In-

Something To Think About

1. The reason Judas betrayed Jesus was that he (circle one):

a) was geedy.

b) wanted to push Jesus into fighting back.

C) lost his faith in Jesus.

d) was only joking and never thought it would be so serious.

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e) he was not getting as much attention as the other disciples and felt left out.

f) felt that he was better than Jesus.

9)

2. After Judas realized what he had done he felt ( rank in order of

intensity, 1,2,3, etc.):

a)loneliness

b)terror

C) shame

cl) empty

e) remorse

f)hopeless

3. "And he went away and hanged himself." Judas committed suicide because(circle one):

a) it WaS the only way he knew how to deal with the pain, reget, and emptiness.

b) he felt hopeless and that nothing could ever change.

C) there was nothing left to live for.

d) he was a coward.

e) he was looking fa- attention and did not really mean to de.

f)

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Step Three: Breaking Up

Something To Talk About

1. There ere times when we may deny our feelings and/or ere not avrare

of them. When we do this, we experience different things. As you reflect upon you life,

do any of the following seem to be the result of having denied or not been aware of yotr

feelings ( ci-de any aprxopriate ones):

a) emptiness.

b) nothingness.

C) severe aloneness. •

d) a sense of helplessness.

e) none of the above.

2. When I think of the word "betrayal", it reminds me of (ci-de one):

a) somebody special I have turned my back on let down.

b) my childhood and times when I was deceived andior "burnt".

C) some enemy or former friend who used me and stabbed me in the back.

d)..lifel Everybody is out to get you.

f) nothing( I don't even know what the wcrd means.

3. In my own life I have (ci-de one):

a) thought about committing suicide.

b) attempted suicide.

C) never thought about committing suicide.

d) been slowly killing myself through my adtictions and life-style.

;

)/

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Step Foe: Breaking Out

Something To Act Upon

1. When it comes to my spiritual life, I (circle any of the following which

may be appropriate for you):

a) feel empty.

b) need to c.onnect viith God.

C) believe I am firmly held in the hands of a loving God.

d) feel angy at God for allowing me to feel the way I do for so long.

e) need to develop it through prayer, fellowship and discussion svith others, etc.

f) don't want to look at it a- talk about it.

g)

2. In being part of the goup I am beginning to realize more and more that

(circle those statements which may describe your experience):

a) I am not alone.

b) there are things in my life that I need to deal with.

c) I don't have as many problems as I thought I did.

d) I have more problems than I thought I dd

e) my life can change if I work at it.

f) I have a place here and have something valuable to contribute.

g) it is a waste of my time.

h)

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3. In the next week some thing I am willing to do for myself to help me feel

more human is (circle one):

a) share my feelings (good and bad) with somebody

b) put more effort and commitment into my work and

relationships.

c) wcrk on getting out of a negative relationship in which I am involved.

d) wcrk on changing some habit in my life that holds me back.

e) stay dean and straight.

f)..

Progam Six: Loss (Choices - Grief)

introduction

The purpose of this progam is to involve the group in 'a personal exploration and

discussion of Matthew 26: 31-35, 69-75 with reference to the interpersonal issue of loss.

People have a need to make their own choices or at least know that they have choices

that could make a difference in their lives and/or the lives of others. When this need is

not met, feelings of gief and issues of loss arise. The losses, real and imagined, focus

on unmet psychological needs, on the parents who were not there for them, and on

many other lost relationships, Ixoken (teams, and failed attempts at success. The loss

may be experienced as losing part of oneself or part of one's childhood or a relationship.

Whatever the loss, the emotional reaction is gief. For shame-prone incividuals grief is

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rooted in many situations and intertwined with a deep belief of unworthiness. It is difficult

for most shame-prone persons to recognize grief until they have worked through other

areas of their lives. Personal wants and plans are blocized by the unresolved grief,

which remains mostly unconscious. The outward reaction here is unstable behavior.

The inward manifestation is a sense of being blocked and restrained. A deep

unconscious fear of losing control and being labeled as bad adds to the block.

Depression often accompanies these dynamics. Only through conscious çrieving and

acceptance of the losses can shame-prone individuals heal and make choices that

energize, strengthen, and give purpose to the lives. This means accepting the past with

its pain and losses and acknowledging the present as a time for gowth."

Step One: Preparation

Read. The participants are asked to read the following passage in silence

(Matthew 26: 31-35, 69-75)

Then Jesus said to them, "You will all fall away because of Me this nit, for it is written, 'I WILL STRIKE DOWN THE SHEPPARD , AND THE SHEEP OF THE FLOCK SHALL BE SCATTERED.' But after I have been raised, I will go befcre you to Galilee." Peter answered and said to Him, "Even though all may fall

away because of You, I will never fall away." Jesus said to him, "Truly I say to you that this very nit, before a cock a-ows you shall deny Me three times." Peter said to Him, "Even if I have to de with You, I will not deny You." All the dsciples said the same thing too.

Now Peter was sitting outside in the courtyed, and a certain servant-girl came to him and said, "You too were with Jesus the Galilean." But he denieel it before them all, saying, "I do not know what you are talking about." And when he had gone out to the gate-way, another servant-girl saw him and said to those who were there, "This man was with Jesus of Nazareth." And again he denied it with an oath, "I do not know the man." And a little later the bystanders came up and said to Peter, "Surely you too are one of them; for the way you talk oves you away." Then he began to curse and swear, 1 do not know the man!" And immediately a cock crowed. And Peter remembered the word which Jesus had said, "Befcre a cock crows you will deny me three times." And he went out and wept bitterly.

"Ibid., 207.

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Mein_ Imagine yourself to be Pet«. You ere alone in your favorite quiet

place. It is the day after you denied Jesus in front of all those people. Just a few hours

ago Jesus cied on the cross. You have lost yotr best friend. It is all over. The

relationship is lost, the «earns you had are broken and your attempts at success have

failed. What is h like for you? What are yotr choices? Suddenly you remember Jesus'

words, "You will fall away because of me this ni t". How do you feel as you reflect on

what he said? As you sit there in silence, you also remember His words, "after I have

been raised I will go before you to Galilee". What do you make of it all?. Stay with your

fantasy until you are ready to come back to the group.

Step Two: Breaking In-

1. The thing that fascinates me most about this story is (circle one):

a) how Jesus knew that Peter would fall away and deny him.

b) the way Peter reacted after the dénial (he wept bitterly).

C) the lack of control Peter had over his life.

d) the way Peter denied knowing Jesus (he began to curse and swear).

e) that Jesus knew what Peter was like and still asked him to follow Him.

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2. "And he went out and wept bitterly". Peter wept bitterly because he

(circle one):

a) could not accept the fact that he made a mistake.

b) messed up again and was unable to take control of his life.

c) felt that it was all over and that he had lost everything.

d) felt grief over not keeping his promise.

e) he was emotionally unstable and weak.

3. When I think of Peter in this story and I look at my own life, I:

(circle one):

a) remember times when I broke promises that I swore I'd keep.

b) relate to the way Peter felt because of times I've turned my back on God.

c)..realize how easy it is for me to fail and lose control of my life in spite of my good intentions.

d) cari 't relate at all. There is no comparison.

e)

Step Three: Breaking Up-

Something To Talk About

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1. As a child, when it came to making my own choices and taking chErge

of my own life I felt that I (circle one):

a) didn't have choices that could make a dfference in my life.

b) I had the freedom to make choices and generally felt that I was in control of my life.

C) was controlled by my perents anclicr other adults and my need to have choices was not met.

d) was on my own and nobody cared what I dd.

e)

2, When I feel powerless and left out of the decisions that affect me, I try to

gain control by (circle two):

a) manipulating people and situations.

b) trying to live in a fantasy wcrld (make believe).

C) hiding.

d) lashing out.

e) experiencing abuse and/or abusing others.

f) abusing alcohol and/or other drugs.

g) breaking rules and laws.

3. A gowing child who receives messages that he/she is incomplete or

inadequate or defective, will have many needs that will go unmet. Here are a few

examples of the losses that can result from such negative messages. Can you identify

with any of the following (ci.cle any aççropriate one(s)):

67

MESSAGE RESULT I LOSS

a) "Not Good"

a lingering sense of badness,weakness,and defectiveness.

b) "Not Good Enough"

the suggestion that you will always disappoint others.

C) "You Don't belong" the idea that you are dfferent from others.

d) "You are not lovable" the expectation that you will be abandoned.

e) You should not exist" a deep feeling of emptiness and despair.

Step Four: Breaking Out

Something To Act Upon

Mecktation:

Picture yourseff walking down the street to the house where you lived when you

were a child. When you come to your house look at it. Look at the color, the windows

and doors. The front door opens and you see a child come out. It is you. How old is the

child? What is he wearing? Walk over to him. Tell him who you are and that you know

better than anybody what life is like for him. What is his life like? What does he

experience? Can you let him say something to you, maybe ask you a question? Tell him

that of all the people he will ever know, you are the only one he will never lose. It is time

to go now. Ask the child if he wants to come home with you? If not, tell him that you will

return again soon. If he is willing to go with you, take him by the hand and start walking

68

away. As you walk away see your mom and dad come out of the house. Wave good-bye

to them. Look over your shoulder as you continue walking away and see them getting

smaller and smaller until they are completely gone.

1. Take the time now to wite a letter. Write to you parent(s) telling them the

things you needed as a child but that you didn't get. Think about it for awhile and take as

much time as you feel you need. Use extra sheets of paper as required:

Dear

2. Forgiving those who shamed us is an important pal of the healing process. It

means accepting them as they are, just as we are accepting ourselves as web are.

Forgiving should be done as a final step in the healing process, not as a fir.st or a second

step. When it comes to forgiveness in my life:

69

a) there is nobody I need to forgive.

b) I am still too any to forgive.

C) I can't forgive because the wounds in my life are too great.

d) I want to forgive but I can't find the spirit within to do it.

e) I'm not willing now but I want to be willing to forgive in the future.

f)

3. Getting in touch with and re-experiencing the blocked emotions in my life is

(circle one):

a) painful but is an important part of my healing and gaining control of my life.

b) useless and a waste of time for me.

C) too painful and scary for me to do.

d) important but I am not yet ready to go any further.

e)..

Program Seven: Acceptance (Wholeness - Joy)

Introduction

The purpose of ths progem is to involve the goup in a personal exploration and

discussion of Luke 19: 1-10 with reference to the interpersonal state of acceptance.

Wholeness is the psychological need. Peace, joy, and excitement characterize the

internal response to knowing one is whole. The behavioral expression of wholeness is

70

adaption to life events and circumstances. As they exchange faulty beliefs for more

accurate perceptions, as their behavior is conguent and ethical for them, and as they

feel the natural range of feelings without shame, individuals with healthy identity

experience joy.

As shame-prone individuals lewn that some of their needs can be met, they

ben consciously to experience a full range of emotions. Rage gets labeled and

acknowledged, and it eventually dissipates. The anger and the deep hurt are

reconciled. Shame and humiliation ere faced with the fear and terror brought to the

forefront; then they are experienced and released. Individuals ere supported as they

face the monsters from childhood. The size of the sadness they feel is overwhelming as

they gieve for what has been lost in their lives and accept those losses.

Exercising choices helps create stability to bring hope and spiritual peace. The

full knowledge that they are loving and lovable people, capable of correcting mistakes

and adapting to a given situation, enhances their lives. They still experience shame, a

transient shame that allows them fully to accept who they are and the moment-to-

moment reality of thee existence."

Step One: Preparation

Read. Participants are asked to read over the scripture passage in silence

(Luke 19: 1-10):

He entered Jericho and was passing through the city. And behold there was a man there called by the name of Zacchaeus; and he was a chief tax-collector, and he was rich. And he was trying to see who Jesus was, and was unable because of the crowd, for he was small in stature. And he ran on ahead and climbed up into a sycamore tree in order to see Him, for He was about to pass through that way. And when Jesus came to the place, He looked up and said to him, "Zacchaeus, hurry and come down, for today I must stay at your house." And he hurried and came down, and received Him gladly. And when they saw it, they all began to grumble, saying, "He has gone to be the guest of a

"Ibid., 210.

71

man who is a sinner." And Zacchaeus stopped and said to the La-d, "Behold, Lord, half of my possessions I will give to the pow, and if I have defrauded anyone of anything, I will give back four times as much." And Jesus said to him, 'Today salvation has come to this house, because he, too, is a son of Abraham. For the Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost."

Reflection. Imagine you-self to be Zacchaeus. You have not been a very well-

liked person and you are not too well-accepted in your community. Other people always

accuse you of robbing them and ripping them off. What feelings come to mind as you

think of this? Picture yourself up in a tree. How do you feel when Jesus walks under the

tree, stops, and invites you to come down? You are the center of attention. What are

your thoughts about the crowd? How do you respond to this important man? What does

He say to you? How do you feel as you walk beside Jesus on the way to your house?

What is the thing about Him that you admire most? Do you feel that Jesus accepts you?

Stay in the fantasy until you are ready to come back to the group.

Step Two: Breaking In

Something to Think About

1. If I had been Zacchaeus when Jesus stopped and asked him to come down

from the tree, I would have been (circle one):

a) embarrassed.

b) overwhelmed with joy.

C) scared.

d) excited.

e) nervous.

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2. I think Jesus singled Zacchaeus out of the crowd and asked to have dinner

with him because, he probably wanted to (circle one):

a) associate With rich people.

b) talk to him about straightening out his life.

c) be his friend.

d) get the crowd ang-y and upset.

e) show him that he was a decent and acceptable person.

f) to show the crowd that he accepted everybody.

3. The turnaround in Zacchaeus' life probably came about because Jesus

(circle one):

a) accepted him as a friend.

b) helped him express his feelings.

c) challenged him to be di fferent.

d) let him see what "g-eatness" really was.

e) helped him see that physical appearance was not everything.

Step Three: Breaking. Up

Something to Talk About

1. Fa me the thing that stands out most about Jesus in this story is the way He

(circle one):

a) accepts people just the way they ere.

b) can change people's lives around.

C) is not concerned about what other people think.

d) can make a little man big.

e) puts more confidence into lite.

f)

2. If Jesus were to pass my way today, he would probably (circle one):

a) ask me, ''Why are you always running from me?".

b) put his arm around me and hug me warmly.

C) clsapprove of the way I have been living.

d) look me in the eye and tell me that I'm an O.K. person.

e) pass on without saying a word.

3. After having this encounter with Jesus, Zacchaeus would probably:

(circle one):

a) laugh it off and return to stealing from the people.

b) pretend that nothing really happened to him.

C) want to pay back the people he had cheated.

d) make commitments he couldn't keep.

e) become a minister/priest.

Step Four: Breaking Out

Something to Act Upon

73

74

1. The thing that I have appreciated the most about ou goup and which is

helping me to face my shame and change my life is the (circle one):

a) feeling of belonjng.

b) sharing and understancing.

C) commitment to each other.

e) insights and understancing I have gained.

f) knowing that I am not alone.

•

2. As I continue to gow and find wholeness in my life I need to (circle two):

a) take more risks with people.

b) be more honest with people.

C) be more honest with myself.

d) learn more of what it means to follow Jesus.

e) support others who are laughed at by the crowd.

f) stop riPPing people off•

g) pay back some of the people I have ripped off.

h)

Progam Seven: Pert Two: Session Ten

3. Befieden, I would like for you to picture yourself in front of a mirror. Where

a.e you? What do you notice around you? As you look into the mirror what do you

75

notice about yoursetf?...As you tre still looking into the mirror I want you to notice that

somebody is approaching from behind you. You are not sure who it is but as the person

comes doser you recognize it to be Jesus. What does he look like? If you can, let him

put his hand on your shoulder. What if anything, does he say to you? Can you say

something to him. You can stay with the scene and carry on the conversation until you

are ready to come back to the group.

Chapter 4

PROCESS NOTES ON THE CHRISTIAN EDUCATIONPROGRAM

Introduction

At the end of each session, process notes were written in an attempt to recollect

the mood and the substance of the interchange and discussion of ideas and images that

resulted from the implementation of the Christian Education Program.

It was obvious from the stert that this was a new experience for most of the goup

and that there was general skepticism to the approach. One of the concerns from one of

the prisoners surrounded the "religious" focus of the progam. He was concerned about

whether or not the progam could be of benefit for somebody who cd not "believe" and

was skeptical. I reassured him that nobody was here to "push" religion down anybody's

throat., and that all opinions and beliefs were acceptable. Furthermore, he would never

know if the progam would be of any benefit unless he gave it a try.

Process Notes On Procom One

Step One Preparation

All but one of the prisoners was reluctant to dose his eyes and participate fully in

this first active imagination exercise. I had to explain that the idea of the active

imagination was to enable each individual to get in touch with unconscious material

77

within himself. I noticed that one of the prisoners had difficulty with reading so 1 casually

suggested that after they read the scripture passage in silence I would then read it aloud

before guiding them in the reflection.

As I led the reflection, I noticed that two of the prisoners seemed to pull back from

the goup. They leaned back in their chairs and stared at me as I proceeded. The others

gave the exercise a half-hearted attempt. At the end of my direction, I asked them to

continue in the fantasy until they were ready to come back to the goup. That part of the

reflection chd not last too long. I then gave a general oppa-tunity for each of the men to

share their reactions and feelings. Three stated that they were unable to picture the story

at all. Three were only able to picture parts of the scene and to let go a little. One man

was very imaginative and his leadership in sharing his experience set the pattern for the

rest of the goup.

Step Two: Ereaking In-

Something To Think About

1. It was a unanimous consensus that the gaup would have been very

curious and excited to see and hear what was happening. There was good discussion

here as inchviduals were able to get involved without having to be personal and

vulnerable. It was a good ice-breaker.

2. Four of the group would have been excited and honcred that Jesus

had chosen their boat. The others would have been suspicious and skeptical and/or

embarrassed. They would have been defensive and somewhat skeptical. They would

have wondered what Jesus' ulterior motive was, what it was he really wanted. Most of

the group could relate to Peter's sense of Insufficiency," of not being wcrthy, of not being

enough.

78

3. There was general ageement that in asking Peter to lower his nets,

Jesus was testing Peter's With. The idea of "testing faith" led into some discussion on

trust and vulnerability. There are many defenses and walls of protection for these men to

confront as they face their deeply ingrained fears of being disappointed again. Like

Peter they have "viforked hard all nit and caught nothing." Now in this goup they are,

in a sense, being asked to "put out into the deep and let down tbeir nets for a catch." The

faith that is asked is to trust in the process.

Step Three- Break:ing Up

Something To Tak About

1. In assessing what Peter was feeling when he responded to Jesus,

"Depart from me for I am a sinful man," the two most common answers chosen were

"unworthy" and "guilty". Unworthy was understood to mean unacceptable, being

ashamed to be in Jesus' presence. As the discussion unfolded, there was a sense of

some of the prisoners being "tired" of hidng and of trying to find answers to life's pain

and confusion.

2. When it came to letting others know how they really felt, the biggest

concern was that nobody would understand. There was also hesitation to let real

feelings show because they just did not know how or what to feel. It became dear here

that there was frustration with the leader's walvrays" focusing on "feelings". He was

attacked and questioned concerning the continual focus on emotions and the need to

"get in touch" with them. One of the men in particular was very defensive in this regard.

Later, after the session, one of the other men expressed concern over whether or not this

man could handle the goup. There was also some concern on the part of the leader

whether or not he would return. It was here that it was necessary to trust the process.

79

Step Far: 13reaking Out-

Something To Act Upon

1. Everybody in the goup sensed the need to be open to change and

new direction. There was discussion that the purpose of the goup was to aid that

process and this could only be successful if each of the members was willing to be

honest and open with each other. There was also very sincere and deep sharing from

one prisoner who was cisgusted with his life and with everything. His openness was a

great motivation and inspiration for the others.

2. The need to be honest with themselves and to "stop playing games"

was seen as the most important step for the maicrity of the group as the beginning of

changing the way they felt about themselves and the way their life was heackng. This

also included being honest with God as well. For most that also meant be willing to open

up and deal with their problems.

3. If there was support from the g-oup, especially in terms of

confidentiality, , everybody would like to be able to open up by "speaking about more of

my shame and hurt feelings" or being "honest and speaking my mind whenever I rvish".

I encouraged the g-oup to be honest and to commit to sharing with individuals in the

goup how they were experiencing inckviduals at any given time. I also pointed out that

as the facilitator of the goup I expected interaction and initiative to come not only from

me. This was to be a team effort.

Process Notes On Program One : Pt Two (Session #2)

Reflection: There was general chfficulty for the goup to picture themselves in a

mirrcr. Two of the men were unable to see themselves at all. One could only see himself

80

partially (foggy), and one did not see his own reflection but that of somebody else. Most

could picture Jesus, but there was fear and condemnation in that experience for two of

the group. One prisoner, a "non-believern and skeptic, had a very positive and affirming

encounter with Jesus although he was unable to see himself clewly in the mrror. It was

somewhat of a promising revelation to him.

The part in the meditation, "If you can, let him (Jesus) put his hand on your

shoulder ..." was included for the purpose of allowing the prisoners to experience how

they saw themselves in terms of openness, trust and intimacy. Three of the seven men

were able to picture this in the exercise.

Process Notes On Proçram Two

Step One: Preparation

After opportunity was given to read the passage in silence, I read

the passage out loud. This was to help anybody who had difficulty with reading or with

pronouncing any unfamiliar words. Not being able to read well and understand well is a

shameful experience experience, I learned clearly last week.. Once again today there

was quite noticeable resistance to the exercise, especially from the same two men who

had trouble with it in the rxevious session. I encouraged everybody to try a little harder

to get into it this week.

The goup in general showed geat sensitivity and empathy for the woman in the

stay. The experience was very real for some of the men, and a geat deal of emotion

was stirred up. There was some thought that the woman may have been a rxostitute and

that she felt as if she was a 'bad" person. Here in this situation where she was seen as

an outcast and a failure, she was speechless and paralyzed by fear.

81

Step Two: Breaking In-

1. If they had been in the crowd at the time, all but one of the g oup would

have stood back in silence to see what would happen. The other man would have

quietly left the scene. There was some discussion about coming to the woman's defense

before things got too out of control. There was some comment about the insensitivity and

callousness of the crowd,

2. There seemed to be some ambiguity about this question. The

directions "rank in order of intensity" caused some confusion. However, the issue dd not

arise when I asked if there was any need for clarification. From this I learned the need in

future sessions to be more clear in the writing and/or to read and explain the questions

more dearly.

For a couple of the men only two or three of the feelings (especially "afraid" and

"lonely") were applicable to the woman's situation. The °filer feelings were rated NIA.

One person stated that all the feelings were felt with the same intensity, except for

"anger". In general "anger" was seen by everybody to be the least intense or not

applicable feeling in this situation. The feelings rated most high in intensity were "afraid",

"Worthless", and lonely". I am becoming more aware of the denial and unawareness of

feelings in the lives of many of the men.

3. There were some very mixed and interesting comments to this

question. He may have written, "two wrongs don't make a nit"; lorgive the woman who

has sinned" "the Ten Commandments"; "if she repents she shall be forgiven", etc. The

responses reveal some deep and creative thinking. Concerning what Jesus was feeling,

it was a general opinion that he was ann and disgusted and that he also felt trapped.

82

Step Three: Breaking Up-

.SQMething_k_Tak_AbQUI

1. Two of the goup felt that no matter what they dd, it vras never quite

good enough. Fair of the seven men felt that they seldom, if ever, received positive

affirmation for the things they accomplished. The same number often feared being

criticized and felt ignored as children. Only two of the gaup felt unproductive in their

family. Only two of the group experienced themselves as having a temper gowing up.

For five of the g-oup expressing anger was seen as not being acceptable in their family.

It was remarked by one man that as a child there was no awareness of emotions and

feelings and that these had been blocked off. For one man there was the frustration of

trying to learn what was appropriate and not appropriate in terms of expression of

feelings and emotions. This led into a discussion of anger. There was some sharing on

how particular indviduals experienced anger in their lives and on how it was coped with

and dealt with. There was much confusion and many questions concerning this emotion.

There is a g-eat deal of anger !wilt up in the lives of these men, and generally they do

not know how to accept it or how to deal with it in healttly ways. There is much denial.

2. Again there seemed to be a general confusion with the instructions (i.e. the

ranking in terms of importance). Only two of the group completed the question. Some

rid not rate but simply checked two or three responses that incicated areas where they

felt rejection. Five of the seven men experienced the most rejection from their family.

Five of the seven also experienced significant rejection from society. Two felt rejection by

God.

3. In terms of dealing with rejection four of the seven men would respond to it by

fighting back or getting even, although at the time there would be thoughts of wanting to

83

die, and feelings of humility, and of hurt. The other three men would feel like dying or

crawling away.

Step Four: Breaking Out

Something To Act Upon

1. Five of the seven men cited "self-acceptance" as the area in their life

where they needed to gow most. It is very difficult for them to look in a mirror and like

what they see. Dealing with their crimes, for some, causes some problems with self-

acceptance. They have difficulty moving out of denial and facing themselves honestly.

There is fear of seeing what they are really like and of not knowing what to do with their

darkness. One man's response, "freedom to be myself", reflected his fear concerning

who he would be without his walls, masks, and defenses. Another prisoner added his

own response, "self-control,".as the area in his life where he needed to gow the most.

Once again, anger is one of the things that many prisoners fear losing control of.

2. It was a general consensus that when it came to letting go of controls and

defenses it was hard for the prisoners to talk openly about things going on in their life.

However, most of the g-oup agreed that opening up was something they would like to be

able to do more of. This led into some confrontation where one person was accused of

hiding and playing games. In the intensity, one pisoner became very ang-y, stood up

and blurted some gaphic details of a traumatic episode in his life which had never been

dealt with. He then walked out of the group. This left the others speechless for the

moment. There was some discussion about what exactly had happened. Some of the

men had difficulty hearing and accepting some of the details of what was shared. They

rld not know how to react appropriately. It was so unexpected, especially from the man

who shared.

84

amelLotee_Qn_Ersannllim

Step One: Preparation

Once again today there was noise outside the room where we were meeting.

This was very deacting and interrupted the silence needed for the active imagination

exercise. One of the prisoners was late. He had given a message that he was on the

way so we waited twenty minutes for him. This time was spent reflecting upon last

week's session where one of the men shared some of his story and walked out. This

was his way of testing the group and dealing with his fear of rejection. He shared that he

felt very embarrassed, and after he left he felt very ashamed for behaving as he did. All

week he struggled with this and felt very afraid and embarrassed to face the others in the

goup, incividually in the population. The goup was very accepting yet firm. It was

strongly pointed out to him that running was not the thing to do.

The story today was fairly easy to relate to for most of the men. Again, there was

reluctance and uneasiness in spending time in the imagination exercise. It does not

seem to be getting easier for two of the men. Their defenses are very high when it

comes to letting go with imagination. For those men who are able to get into the

imagination exercise it is indeed a very rich and revealing experience for them and the

grouP.

Step Two: Breaking In-

.S_QMPIhing_hilinkAtMd

1. Five of the men saw the son in the story as being human. It was

decided that for whatever reasons he had made bad choices and was paying the

85

consequences. The saying, "if you can do the aime you aan do the time," applies here.

Most of the men could identify with the son. Two of the prisoners saw the son as being a

loser, and one saw him as being weak. There was some discussion about the son being

rich and having everything yet having nothing.

2. When it came to possible reasons for leaving home, three of the men cited that

he probably left because he was clous and wanted to see the weld. Two men saw the

son as being selfish and caring only about his own needs and desires. One saw him as

being a rebel and rejecting most of the things he was brought up to believe. Another

man had two responses. The son could not get along with the rest of his family, and he

also knew how to manipulate his father to get whatever he wanted. It was generally

ageed that the son basically chd have a good relationship at home and that he was

loved, but for whatever reason he became unreasonable with his demands. Maybe the

father should not have given him what he wanted.

Step 'Three: Breaking (»-

Something To Talk About

1. Everybody saw themselves as having gown up in a family where they were

involved in at least one shaming relationship where they were given the message that

there was something virong with them. There was a wide relance in the behaviors that

were experienced as being the means through which this message was communicated.

Most of the prisoners were sworn at in their families and most felt ignored, as if what he

said or (id was not important. Six of the men came from families where they were hit,

slapped, kicked, cr otherwise physically abused. Of the behaviors listed, six of the men

chose four or more in response to the question. As the question was dscussed and

everybody began to share, the mood became somewhat liter as each person realized

86

he was not alone.

2. In terms of the spiritual meaning of the stay and its personal meaning with

regard to returning to God, three of the men saw themselves as being on the way home.

One man seemed to be unable to find the way home. One saw himself as not being

wcrthy of returning to God. The other two men dd not really know where they were in

their journey. The general feeling was that we were all on this journey together and ttlat

there was a sense of willingness to help each other.

Step Four: Breaking Out-

Something To Act Upon

1. For most of the goup part of healing their life meant reaching out to others

when they feel least acceptable. It meant being more open to talk about their feelings.

For some, gowth in their relationship with God was seen as a big part of healing in their

life. For several tilere was also the need to spend more time alone to reflect and think

about their lives and choices and to understand themselves better.

2. When it came to understancâng the family of origin and trying to understand its

negative influences on their lives today, the majority of the ixisoners admitted that they

needed to do lots of work and get some answers. There was some concern and

uncertainty here about how this was to be done. There was much frustration and pain

shared here. One person expressly stated his fear of getting stuck in the hurt and the

pain instead of working it through. There was a general consensus that it would be g -eat

if we could forget about the past but that this was not the way to find healing. The pain

and hurt had to be worked through. Only one man believed that he had a good

understanding of his family and had worked through some of the hurt and pain.

3. In dealing with the family of origin and being free to leave home, five of

87

the men saw forgiveness or at least the willingness to forgive as an issue here. There

was some sharing as to how some of the men had dealt with forgiveness with their family

but also with the victims and/or families of their aimes. It was very obvious that dealing

with family was a big and confusing issue. Four of the men also included staying away

from their family completely as a necessary part of their freedom. It was pointed out,

however, that staying away did not necessarily mean being able to leave emotionally.

Process Notes On Proçram Four

Step One: Preparation

The purpose of this first step was to enable the prisoner to get in touch with his

feelings of abandnonment. Again, there was general skepticism about the active

imagination and its purpose. It was difficult for half the goup to put themselves in the

story. They preferred to keep thefr eyes open. After the exercise there was discussion

concerning the passage itself. Everybody had heard the story before, but one prisoner

raised questions oancerning dfferent versions in the other gospels. This led others to

ask how we could trust the Bible. It became a little difficult trying to draw the g-oup bac(

to its intended focus.

Step Two: Breaking In-

Something To Think About

1. This question generated much activity. There was a wide range in the choice

of feelings that was selected here. Much of the discussion focused on Jesus' mission in

life and whether or not he was deceived.

2. The purpose of this question was to lead into a brief discussion of "transitory'

1

88

versus "toxic" shame. The range of responses reflected deep thought and de w insight.

Fair of the men believed that Jesus felt shame on the cxoss. However, they did not give

much deer explanation for their answer. One did say it vles because "he claimed to be

God's son, yet God did not deliver him." The three men who stated that Jesus felt no

shame on the cross gave no explanation except for one who said "because what he was

doing was rit. The people were the shameful ones cr should be, for destroying his

life."

3. Five of the men stated that in Jesus' daim to be the son of God, he was who

he claimed to be. Two of the prisoners believed that he may have been deceived in his

thinking.

Step Three; Breaking Up-

Something To Talk About

1. The purpose of this exercise was to help the goup open up to their

feelings of helplessness and intense pain. It is very difficult for the men to own up to

these feelings. Some of them are g-eat manipulators and constantly 1ry to slide away

from facing the "truth" about themselves. This is where the group process rally showed

its power today. On a couple of occasions one of the men confronted one of the others

and straight out accused him of "not being real" of "constantly sliding" and of "playing

games". There was intensity when this person shared that he was sick and tired of

running and of being ta-mented by his feelings and emotions. He was in the g-oup to get

help and to be honest. He expected the others to be honest as well.

Concerning the responses to the statements presented for consideration, there

was a very broad range of intensity. It was obvious that there was much denial with

some of the prisoners when it came to seeing themselves honestly in terms of feelings of

89

helplessness, in their lack of sense and order, and in understanding the negative impact

of their family environments as chieen. Most of the men were aware of deep and

intense pain in their lives and of being shy and easily embarrassed as children

2. This question was for the purpose of naming any compulsive behaviors

through which the prisoners block their feelings of shame. Several of the men

responded by choosing "alcohol and/or other drugs," but this was not as common as

expected. There were several responses that were not on the list: "crime", "violence",

and "anger". Two of the men chose healthy ways to deal with helplessness and intense

pain and fear; "God" and "my friends". It was pointed out that these too mild be

escapes from an untrustworthy world and attempts to find security without fear. A couple

of the men shared some of their faith journey and "conversion experiences" where they

felt for awhile that they had gotten rid of their pain and confusion in life. This was not

reality, in the sense that they experienced much doubt and many questions and felt as if

they had been abandoned by God. They felt as though they were losing their laith".

Through rigid beliefs and by seeing everything in terms of black and white, they lived

with an illusion of safety and order. It was pointed out that this could only be maintained

for a time. Real faith and life comes from going inward and facing the fear, and darkness.

Step Four: Breaking Out-

Something To Act Upon

The purpose of this exercise was to help the goup members evaluate their ideas

about emotions and to help identify any shame-based misbeliefs about them. What we

believe about emotions affects how we act in handling our emotions. The more shame-

free and truthful these beliefs and decisions are, the healthier otr behaviors will be.

Identifying and changing our shame-based misbeliefs about emotions will begin to

90

release us from shaming our feelings.

1. Three of the men ageed that "Emotions are unnecessary, bothersome and

embarrassing". There were comments such as "they hurt" cr "they throw off yotr

judgment". For the other men who disageed, the comments reflected the reality of

emotions in the,' lives, the confusion of how to deal with them and the necessity of

showing them and dealing with them.

2. Four of the men disagreed with the statement that "Emotions are bad and

dangerous." The câscussion here focused on the idea that they are dangerous when

they are repressed, suppressed, or igncred. However, at times it seems easier to avoid

them. For the men who agreed with the statement, they spoke of expression of emotions

that brought them hurt and pain. The general consensus was that emotions are neither

good nor bad. It is what we do with them and how we express them that is good or bad.

They can be expressed inappropriately or appropriately. It is something we have to

learn. Learning to express emotions appropriately is part of what this g-oup is about.

3. One person ageed that if I begin to feel my emotions I will go cxazy". He had

so much bottled up inside that he feared going mad and destroying people and things if

the emotions (anger and rage) came out. The others agreed that at times in their lives

they felt that they might go crazy but that this was negative thinking. It was agreed that

- we need help in dealing with and understanding ou . emotions. There was expressed

the hope that when we are able to feel our. emotions, we will be more real, alive and free.

4. Two of the men agreed that it is stupid to get all upset over things that

happened years ago." They expressed the belief that they could do nottling about the

past so it was better to forget about it. The others who cisag .eed stated that you could

not forget about painful experiences in the past. "They keep coming up and affecting

your life". "You always want to get even". It was ageed upon that "it's a healing process

91

to deal with past hurts". Hurtful and painful feelings do not go away just because we cut

them off cr disown them. They are still inside and affect our lives today. It is best to face

and feel them honestly no matter how painful and hurtful they are.

5. Two of the men agreed that "when I felt sad as a child, no one was there for

me." There was no written comment to explain the thinking, but their was discussion of

the feelings of despair and loneliness. They did not fear feeling these because they feel

them often.

6. Two of the men ageed that "I was told as a child I should never be angry", but

this was implied rather than expressed verbally. It was okay for parents to be any cr

even violent but not for kids. In most of the families anger was a touchy issue and was

not dealt with or expressed appropriately. None of the men felt that God was angry about

their anger.

7. Two of the men agreed that "unless I explode with anger, people will walk all

over me." One man strongly expressed that this was exactly the situation he was facing

in his life at this time. Some of the comments from the others reflected their habit of

turning their anger in on themselves. There was discussion on how to set appropriate

boundaries so that anger did not have to build up to the point of explosion.

Process Notes On Progam Five

Step One: Preparation

As the goup gathered today, I sensed that it was going to be a rougi session.

There was strong resistance from the beginning. When I produced the program for the

day, one of the men stated, "Not that again". He has been unable or unwilling to relax

and allow himself to get into the imagination exercises. Another one of the men who was

looking for attention made the comment, "I'm not doing it today". I handed him the

92

program and said, "Do it!".

Time was given for reacâng the scripture and for reflection upon it. During the

reflection I motioned to one of the men to stop shuffling the papers and interrupting the

silence. I was surprised that anybody was able to get into the exercise today. However,

for several of the men it was a very rich experience, and they could relate to Judas in an

intense way. Much discussion centered eround the theme of self-haired. The goup

came to the realization that shame that cannot be removed, gradually turns to self-

hatred.

Step Two: Breaking In-

Something To Think About

1. The majority of the prisoners believed that Judas betrayed Jesus because he

was ageedy". One man suggested that Judas "wanted to push Jesus into fighting back"

because he wanted some action. Another man wrote his own response and saw Judas

as a "coward'.

2. The two most common responses in terms of intensity of feelings were

"remorse" and "shame". The other responses showed a wide variance in the way Judas

was perceived to have felt.

3. Four of the men felt that Judas committed suicide because it was the only way

he knew how to deal with the pain , recjet, and emptiness. Two men believed that Judas

felt hopeless and that nothing could ever change. Discussion centered around having

nothing to live for and especially not being able to live with the knowledge of having

"turned in a theme.

Step Three: Breaking Up-

Something To Talk About

93

1. When it came to denying feelings and/or not being aware of them the

goup had difficulty choosing only one experience that resulted from this. Six of the men

circled two or more responses and/or added their own responses. The discussion

reflected the intensity and depth of inner pain and derkness. The most common

responses were the experiences of °severe aloneness" and "a sense of helplessness".

2. For five of the men the word °betrayer reminded them of some enemy or

former friend who had used them and stabbed them in the back. There was discussion

of the idea that in ixison and in the life-style most of the men live there are no real

friends. Most people are out to get what they can to support their habits. For one man

°betrayer reminded him of his childhood and times in his family when he was deceived

and/or "burnt". Another man was reminded of somebody special he had turned his back

on and let down.

3. All but one of the men admitted to having had thoughts about committing

suicide. One prisoner said he had attempted it on the street. Several of the men stated

that they were beginning to realize that they had been slowly killing themselves through

their addictions and life-styles. This was seen as a form of suicide. There was some

discussion about recent suicides in the ison and of how most of these people knew

what they were doing in advance and carried out what they intended to do.They saw no

other way out.

Step Four: Breaking Out-

Something To Act Upon

1. When it came to their perception of their- spiritual life, three of the men tell

empty and an absence of God and meaning in their lives. They believed that there was

most probably a God but didn't know where. One man felt a need to connect with God

94

but did not know how to find the way for him. Three of the men believed that they are

firmly held in the arms of a loving God but there is difficulty believing that all of the time.

Two of these men believed that their spiritual life needed to be developed through

prayer, fellowship and discussion with others, etc.. The thrd man, though feeling firmly

held by a loving God felt angy at God, for allowing him to feel the way he has been for

so long.

2. All of the men stated that their being pal of the goup helped them realize

more and more that their lives can change if they work at it. Five of the men were

discovering that they are not alone in their pain and confusion and struggles. For for

men they were becoming aware that there are issues in their lives that they need to deal

with at some point. For two people they realized they have more things to deal with than

they would like to believe. One person is not as bad off as he had believed. His

problems were not half as bad as some of the others in the gaup.

3. All of the prisoners believed that they could do some thing practical and real in

the coming week that would help them feel more human. There was a wide variety of

response to this question. For some it was a decision or need to quit a drug habit that

was costing them more than they could afford and which made them feel down and

unhealthy . . For others it meant putting more effort and commitment into their work and

relationships. For others, sharing their feelings with another person was a way of feeling

more human in a place and environment that cuts off and destroys a person's life.

Process Notes On Proçram Six

Step One: Preparation

The goup started off with a discussion concerning one of the members' input

dtring the previous session. The mood was somewhat tame and reflective. There was

95

no noticeable reaction when I produced the program for the day. I was somewhat

surprised. Two of the men, as usual, were reluctant and found it difficult to get into the

imagination exercise. The others were able to get involved. The general experience

was one of a sense of loss and of not knowing where to turn. There was also a sense of

gief and agony resulting from this. Everybody could relate to Peter's situation and

especially his denial of Jesus after his firm resolution not to fall away and even to de for

him.

Step Two: Breaking In-

Something To Think About

1. Three of the prisoners were fascinated most by how Jesus knew that Peter

would fall away and deny him. Three others were struck by the idea that even though

Jesus knew what Peter was like, he still asked him to follow Him. One man was

fascinated most by the lack of control Peter had over his life.

2. Four of the men believed that Peter wept bitterly because he felt gief over not

keeping his promise. Three suggested the reason was that he felt that it was all over and

that he had lost everything. One man believed that Peter wept because he had messed

up again and was unable to take control of his life. The discussion of crying came up,

and there was sharing of experiences and feelings concerning teers. Most of the

prisoners felt that it was good and healthy to be able to let go and cry. Most of them have

cried in recent times.

3. When thinking of Peter in this stcry and in looking at their own lives all but one

of the goup realized how easy it was for them to fail and lose control of their lives, in

spite of their good intentions. One man was reminded of times in his own life when he

broke promises he swore he would keep. Discussion moved into the area of free-will

96

and destiny in life. One man suggested that Peter dd not have a choice and that in

some ways we don't have choices in lite. It was decided that we do have choices no

matter where we are and that we can't use destiny cr God's will as a cop out from

accepting responsibility for our own lives and decisions.

Step Three: Breaking Up-

Something To Talk About

1. Only one man felt that as a child he had the freedom to make choices

and generally felt that he was in control of his life. One man felt that he was on his own

and nobody cared what he dd. The others believed that they were controlled by their

parents and/or other adults and their need to have choices was not met.

2. When feeling powerless and left out of the decisions that affect them, most of

the goup admitted to lashing out in anger, to breaking rules and laws, and to abusing

alcohol and/or other thugs as attempts at gaining control. It was suggested to a couple

of the men that they were good at manipulating people and situations to gain control.

This was denied. One man was challenged strongly when he suggested that he never

feels powerless. There was talk about feeling powerless in the institution and of being

lerked around" and of being left out of the decisions that affect their lives ( by parole

officers, case management officers, and staff in general).

3. As an adult, a person must take responsibility for his/her own shame, rather

than blame it all on parents and family. The pu-pose of this exercise was to learn more

of how the family of origin may have contributed to the prisoner's shame so that he can

begin to alleviate it. 1 As children, most of the goup shared of being told over and over

that something was wrong with them. Four of them received the message that they were

' Potter-Efron red Potter-Bron, 75.

97

"Not Good". With this came a lingering sense of badness, weakness, and defectiveness.

Three of the men also related to the message "Not Good Enough" and the suggestion

that they would always &appoint others. Two men got the message, "You Don't

Belong", with the isolating idea that they were different from others. One heard the

message, "You Are Not Lovable'', and the expectation that he would always be

abandoned. Several of the men received the message

"You Should Not Exist" and they try to survive life with a deep feeling of emptiness and

despair.

Step Four: Breaking Out-

IglIethingLIQAÇLUM

It was my intention during the second half of the session today to lead the goup

in a second meditation and to have them write letters to their parent(s) telling them the

things they needed as a child but that they ckd not get. I did not realize the power and

the affect this active imagination exercise would have on the group. After the reflection

the rest of the time was spent in sharing what came up. At the close I gave them the

hand-out and the instructions to write a letter sometime during the coming week.

Reflection: Everybody in the group was jolted by this exercise. Again there

was reluctance and some resistance, but as I guided the meditation everybody became

silent. The silence was sharply broken when one of the prisoners broke clown in the

middle of it as he was overwhelmed with feelings of pain and hurt that he had never

been aware of. I proceeded and others in the group were profouncly moved as they got

in touch with their child of the past. It was increclbly intense for most of the group as they

got in touch with their pain and hurt. There was not enough time for everybody to debrief

98

so I arranged one-on-one sessions over the next couple of days fa each of the group

members.

Process Notes On Proçram Six; Part Tvio: Session Eight

1. A great deal of time was spent today reflecting upon last week's

meditation. I had great difficulty trying to encourage the prisoners to write their letter

during the week and only three of them did so. Two said they really gave it a try but that

they did not know what to say and were not ready to go ftrther. One man told me from

the start that he could not and would not do it yet. I was questioned concerning my ability

to relate to just how painful it is to be alone in a cell with all those painful emotions

consuming you and not knowing how to deal with them. Since only three letters were

written, I decided that they could be best deatt with in one-on-one sessions if the

individualà wished that. The contents of two of the letters revealed some very painful

and hurtful realizations and experiences of gief and loss.

In retrospect I would not have given the active imagination exercise at the second

half of the last session. Rather I would have left one whole session for this. I would start

off by leadng the meditation. This would be followed by a time of discussion. Next I

would then take a half hour break for the prisoners to go off alone to a quiet place to write

the letters. This would be followed by a time for each person to share his letter with the

rest of the group.

2. Everybody ag.eed that forgiving those who shamed us is an important part of

the healing process. Forgiving was seen as something that takes time and not

something that comes easily for most of us. When it came to forgiveness in the lives of

the g-oup, two of the men suggested that there was nobody that he needed to forgive.

One of them was challenged by the group and told that he was in denial and that there

99

was too much anger in him to be able to say that. Two men wanted to forgive but could

not find the spirit within to do it. They said that they could accept that they were not ready

yet but they were open to be able to forgive. One prisoner shared some of his

experience of receiving forgiveness from God and of tying to leErn how to forgive as

God in Christ had forgiven him. There was dismission of the part of the "Our Father"

prayer: lorgive us ou- trespasses as we foree those who trespass against us.

There was discussion of loss and grief and of not being able to change the past.

However, it was pointed out that though we could not change the past we could change

how we feel about it and how we allow it to affect ou- lives today.

3. For all of the gaup, getting in touch with and re-experiencing the blocked

emotions in their lives has been a very painful experience at times. However, it was

seen as being a very important part of their healing and gaining control of their lives.

What came up here was the idea of just how painful the process could be and how out of

control and scary it has been for some of the men. I compared the process to looking

into and getting into a sewer. Not only is it like that but also it sometimes feels like the

sewer has no end.

Process Notes On Pro-am Seven

Step One: Preparation

As the goup gathered, I noticed that everybody was rather subdued and more

relaxed compEred to last week. There were several comments again today about the

fact that the gaup would be finished in a couple of weeks and that we were just

beginning to get into things. Once again there was some concern about what was to be

done to ensure further gowth and what to do with the issues and emotions that had

100

been stirred up. There was a general consensus that the goup should continue, as it

appears to be very effective and helpful. There was less resistance to the active

imagination today. Most of the men were able to relate to Zacchaeus especially in the

sense of not being too well-accepted by society.

Step Two: Breaking In-

Something To Think About

1. It was interesting to note that all except one of the men circled "nervous" as the

response to how they would feel if they had been Zacchaeus. The other man added his

own response "in doubt". He stated that this was a reflection of his own present mental

state. Most of the men would have been nervous because of being "centered out"

(prison argot meaning singled out) in front of the crowd. One was concerned about

Jesus' motive.

2. In response to why they thought that Jesus singled Zacchaeus out of the

crowd two of the men said it was to talk to him about his robbing the people. That is why

they would have been nervous. Two of the men suggested that Jesus simply wanted to

be his friend, since he appeared not to have too many. One man said that Jesus wanted

to show Zacchaeus that he was a decent and acceptable human being in spite of his

past. He believed that Jesus knew the man was ready and open to change his life. One

prisoner also wrote his own response, stating that Jesus wanted to give Zacchaeus

peace.

3. Three of the prisoners suggested that the turnaround in Zacchaeus' life came

about because Jesus accepted him as a friend. The idea of change in our lives was

&cussed as was the notion that it is easier to change when there is somebody there to

support and to help us.

101

Step Three: Breaking Up-

Something To Talk About

1. Fou- of the prisoners believed that the neatest thing about Jesus in this story is

the way He can turn peoples' lives around and help them become free. In His own

loving way He helps people become their best, to become their true selves. The other

two men were impressed by the way Jesus puts more confidence into life.

2. Three of the men thought that if Jesus were to pass their way today he would

probably ask them why they are always running from him. Each of them added some

hint of Jesus' dsapçroving of the way they have been living. It was pointed out that

while He accepts us without question He does not necessarily condone the way we live

at times. Two of the prisoners felt that Jesus would look them in the eye and tell them

that they were Okay.. Another wrote his own response and said that Jesus would say,

"Let's talk".

3. All of the men ageed that after this encounter with Jesus, Zacchaeus' life

would be changed forever. Jesus' acceptance of him would make him more able to

accept and forgive himself. The change in his life would be reflected in his desire to pay

back the people he had cheated. There was talk of how he would now be able to live a

free life and to experience peace and excitement.

Step Four: Breaking Out-

Something To Act Upon

1. For most of the men the thing they have appreciated most about the

goup is the knowing that they are not alone. It was expressed by one prisoner that

102

some of the things he shared were things he thought he would never ev« be able to talk

about. He vias encouraged by other peoples' sharing and caring. . There was a

comment from one man who basically said thEtt if he had been involved in a goup like

this when he was younger he would not have ended up doing so much time. Another

stated that in any other group or therapy in his lifetime the issue of shame had never

been addressed and that it had made a big difference in how he saw himself and his

attitude toward himself.

2. In continuing to gow and find wholeness in their lives five of the men admitted

that they needed to be more honest with themselves and to stop playing games. • For

most, honesty with themselves was tied to being more honest with other people. Half of

the men believed that g ow th and wholeness for them was to be found in learning more

of what it means to follow Jesus. There was discussion concerning where to go from

here, now that the goup was soon finished. There was frustration and concern over that.

Process Notes Proçram Seven: Part Two: Session Ten

3. Meditation This was the same exerdse given during Session Two.

_ The purpose of this meditation was to compare and see how the men saw themselves in

the mirror and in their relationship with Jesus, several weeks later. It was surprising that

most of them could not remember the exercise dearly from a few weeks before.

In this session one man was very moved and excited by what he experienced.

He said that he fett a sense of release and that he was aware that he was just coming out

of a long period of pain and darkness. He was very affirmed by Jesus' words to him, 'We

made it". A couple of the men were still unable to see themselves dearly in the mirror

but there was one noticeable change for one man who before could not picture himself

103

at all. Generally, the encounters with Jesus were vivid and affirming, sometimes even

when the person could not see himself clearly.

Chapter 5

CONCLUSIONS

An ISS questionnaire was given to each prisoner prior to the Christian Education

Program.' The same scale was given to each of the goup members following the ten

week sessions for purposes of comparison. It was concluded that there was a significant

change in the way the group members perceived themselves according to a comparison

of the pretest and post-test mean scores for the goup. The mean scores and the profile

sheets for the goup appear in appendixes B, C, D and E.

The 28 point decrease in the mean score from the pretest to the post-test (58

versus 40) is significant. Any score above 50 is indicative of relatively frequent

experiences of internalized shame. Any score that ciops below 50 can be interpreted as

indicating significant amelioration of shame However, David Cook cautions that such

interpretations are speculative at this point since there is no empirical evidence as to

how the amelioration of internalized shame relates to the alleviation of symptoms.' It

was concluded from these comparisons that the Christian Education Progam focusing

on internalized shame lessened the frequency and intensity with which theses feelings

are experienced. Three cases bare special mentioning and consideration here.

In the first case the inckvidual had a post-test score (35) which was significantly

higher than the pretest score (13). The person concerned comes from a highly

dysfunctional family. He was obviously emotionally distressed at the time of the initial

' See appendixA.

2 1)6,01d Fs Cook, Menu& f «the 'Memorized Sherne Scele, 12. I

105

interviews for this project. The low pretest score was puzzling to the researcher so a

second test was administered a week later, 'just before the proglm was begun. An

identical score (13) resulted. This case is considered to be an anomaly. The low level of

shame as measured by the pretest was not considered to be genuine as was confirmed

by self- admission and suggested by behavior and interaction in the group as well as by

the post-test score. The individual, from very early on in the group, was very committed

to understanding and getting in touch with deeply rooted and painful issues that had

been affecting him for a long time. In the clinical judgment of the investigate( it was

concluded that considerable progress was made in the ten week period. The post-test

score is considered to be an accurate and genuine measure of the frequency and

intensity with which shame feelings are experienced.

A second case which bares consideration concerns one of the group members

whose pretest and post-test scores showed very little change (60 vs. 57). These scores

fall into the moderately high category. While the small difference in the scores may

suggest that the Christian Education Progam had very little cr no effect on the frequency

and intensity with which shame feelings are experienced, a subsequent interview rvith

the prisoner suggested otherwise. The meeting occurred some four weeks after the

completion of the progam. The interviewer initially commented upon the change in the

facial expression of the man, asking what he had changed about his appearance. It was

responded that this was not the first time such a comment was made by others, over the

past few weeks. The reason given was that the man, since the program, had

experienced a «spiritual awakening" and had gotten In touch" with much of the pain and

hurt inside of himself. As a result of what he had heed and learned through the group

experience he was now able to reach out and let go somewhat. One of the specific

areas of growth was in his relationship with his family, Through reaching out and and

106

being direct, open and honest he began to attain equal power with his parents. This

created a different relationship in which he was able to make peace with the past. There

were signs that he was beginning to accept his parents fcr who they were, and for what

they were able to give. Further, through the help of a twelve step program, this prisoner

had remained ciug free since the last part of the group sessions, which was a very

significant achievement for him. This situation points out to the investigator the ongoing

nature of the healing process which was begun ar furthered through the group process.

It was concluded that meaningful changes and realization come to fruition outside the

actual group setting and ten week time frame.

In a third case, the individual's pretest and post-test scores (65 vs. 28) suggest a

rather ciamatic decrease in the frequency and intensity with which shame feelings are

experienced. In the researcher's clinical judgment, the pretest score appears to be

accurate. However, the prisoner's behavior and response in the group would suggest

that the the level of shame measured by the post-test score is not accurate While there

may have been some noticeable improvement, the low score in the post-test is not

considered to be genuine. The person has a need to look good" to himself and to

others and has a strong tendency to suppress his feeling in general, but especially his

feelings of anger.

A comparison of theSelf-Esteem subscale pretest and post-test scores reveals

little change in the mean scores (13 vs 15). 3 There is a minor improvement but

generally the group members continue to perceive themselves as having weak or

negative self-esteem. In two cases there was a significant decrease in the post-test

scores (Prisoners A and Prisoner C). One sugested reason for this change is that after

the Christian Education Program, the individuals concerned were more open, honest,

and in touch with their feelings about themselves. This might be even more the case

' See eppencrtx F.

107

with prisoner C when comparing his ISS pretest and post-test scores. The post-test

score (35) was almost three times that of the pretest score (13).

Concerning the Inferiority subscale, a comparison of the rxetest and post-test

scores reveals a very significant decrease in feelings of inferiority, for most of the men.

Once again, in one case there is a noticeable increase in the post-test score (Prisoner

D), His pretest score was unusually low, and this sharply reckiced the pretest mean

score for the goup. Exc.luding this score, the rest of the group falls into high category on

the inferiority. The post-test mean score for the gaup falls into the low range.

A comparison of the pretest and post-test scores on the Alienation subscale

points to a significant decrease in feelings of alienation for most of the men, Once again,

excluding the unusually low score for Prisoner D, pretest score putsthe gr oup in general

into the high range. The post-test score puts the çroup into the low category of the

Alienation subscale.

The theoretical basis for the ISS is the idea that internalized shame is central to

the sense of self that has developed in individuals whose caregivers were unresponsive

and/or overtly rejecting during the early years of the person's life. The ISS is still in a

developmental stage and the actual scores need to be interpreted cautiously. However,

the ISS has proven very useful and effective in exploring the nature and sources of the

intemalized shame of the goup members.

At the beginning of the Christian Education Proçram the main goal was to create

the interpersonal bridge between the leader and the goup members. This building of

trust was seen as an essential first step. Kaufman believes that psychotherapy is a

relationship, not a technique or a scheme. For him, "psychotherapy must provide a

reparative, security-giving relationship, one that heals shame through new experiences

of identification."' A reparative relationship is a relationship that repairs developmental

Kaufman, The Peehologv of Shame.

108

deficits. In some ways the work of the leader involves reparenting or making up for what

parents failed to provide. It means a-eating a safe space where the person is able to talk

about the painful secrets and fears he/she holds about himself.

Part of the process of building trust involved testing. At times the prisoners

consciously and unconsciously ageed together to give the leader a "ha-cl time", to "try

his patience" and to try to get him "upset." Overall, the sessions were very intensive and

a strong cohesive and supportive goup emerged. From the investigator's point of view

is very important to trust the process and to rely upon intuition.

In general, the prisoners in the goup have gown up with a wounding sense of

shame over being needy. Their family backgrounds, the dictates of society, and the

ruling prindpies of of the prison environment, etc., pressure these men to be

independent and self-reliant They experience thei- needness as some abnormality for

which they will be rejected, abandoned and looked down upon. It was concluded that

the goup experience allowed them to know, in many ways, that they are not alone in

their pain. The knowledge that 'We are all more alike than we are different" is a

discovery that aids in the healing process.

The investigator's experience with the group has shown that for most of the men,

their lives have been based on the deeply felt internal belief that the only way to survive

is to selectively disown parts of themselves. It is extremely difficult to trust enough to

begin to uncover those disowned parts. It takes a g eat deal of time to learn to trust

somebody. In most cases shame has to be uncovered a little at a time.

It was concluded that through the Christian Education Progam there was

evidence that the group members were able to experience and deal with many of their

personal, painful, hidden feelings of defect. As well, they became more aware and

concerned about the needs and pain in the lives of the others in the group. There was

109

evidence that there was increased openness and closeness between members of the

goup, as a result of their being able to effectively put their shame into words. Helen

Lynd sums it up well in her book, On Shame and the Seerch for Identity. "The very fact

that shame is an isolating experience also means that if one can find ways of shering

and communicating it, this communication can bring about closeness with other persons

and with other groups."' To be able to put shame into wcrds seems to be a critical first

step in findng release and freedom.

With many prisoners, the capacity for feeling and empathy has been sometimes

severely damaged. Occasionally this capacity has been destroyed entirely. Alice Miller

daims that as long as there remains some ability for feeling and empathy, "such people

have more than one chance to give up denying their sufferings, to feel those sufferings,

to recognize their true causes, and in this way liberate themselves from the compulsion

to commit evil deeds."'

It has been the investigators experience and conclusion that once people are

able to experience their own pain and misery they will also experience empathy for the

situations of others. Miller points out that for these people:

.They can be accompanied along this path by other people who, as enlightened rvitnesses, can confirm their observations and feelings, protect them from self-destruction, and give them a sense of their own empathy, but no more than that. The confrontation with his own past can be accomplished only by that person himself; no one can travel this path for him.'

It was concluded that as a result of the Christian Education Progam there was

evidence that the men were able to begin to see the connection between shame and its

consequences, such as rage, obsessiveness, or addctions. They were able to see how

s Led, On Shame end the Search forldentity, 66.

•htler, Beniehed KnorAedoe, 141.

110

their repressed but constantly irritating shame, sometimes was activated to the level

gnawing self-doubt and occasionally reached the intensity of fully inflamed self-hatred.

They became somewhat aware of the role of shame in emotional cksti.rbance, They

began to realize that the need to keep shame repressed often dives people toward

perfectionism, withdrawal, combativeness, etc.

It was concluded that a religious progam such as the Christian Education

Progam provided the atmosphere for developing a spiritually affirmative view of life. It is

further concluded that such an education progam, based upon Christian principles and

values, could play a very favorable role in bringing about psychological gowth and

maturity. Resolution of internalized shame leads to the resolution of both a spiritual and

a psychological block to personal relationship with God and others.

It can be concluded that for shame-based offenders incarceration alone is not

enough. 'Prisoners and ex-prisoners are shamed in many ways by the culture in which

we live. They are shamed by how they are treated as students in our school system and

in our prison system; they are shamed by the inability to find jobs; they are shamed by

the police. All these causes of shame, and many, many more, are likely to produce

rage.' Alice Miller states that It has ah-eady been proven that all destructive behavior

has its roots in the repressed traumas of childhood.' If every crime is a cry for help, as

Miller daims then it is suggested that there is a need for more humane legislation.

Suffering punishment for offenses cannot genuinely relieve the anguish of shame. "Only

forgiveness which covers the past and a genuine restoration of relationship can banish

shame."'

' Michael Les‘tis, 158

Benished Kneoledge, 141.

' Kraus, wThe Cross of Christ," 224.

APPENDIX A

TABLE 1

INTERNALIZED SHAME SCALE

The following two pages represent pages 2 and 3 of the fair page copyrighted

ISS.questionnaire. Reprinting of this questionnsaire is by permission of Dr. David R.

Cook (authcr), University of Wisconsin-Stout, Menomonie, Wisconsin. Both the

questionnaire and the manual for its use may be obtained directly from the author.

111

SS DIRECTIONS: Below is a list of statements describing feelings or experiences that you may have from time to time or that are familiar to you because you have had these feelings and experiences for a long time. Most of these statements describe feelings and experiences that are generally painful or negative in some way. Some people will seldom or never have had many of these feelings. Everyone has had some of these feelings at some time, but if you find that these statements describe the way you feel a good deal of the time, it can be painful just reading them. Try to be as honest as you can in responding.

Read each statement carefully and circle the number to the left of the item that indicates the frequency with which you find yourself feeling or experiencing what is described in the statement. Use the scale below. DO NOT OMIT ANY ITEM.

SCALE

1 2 3 4 5

NEVER SELDOM SOMETIMES FREQUENTLY ALPAOST ALWAYS

SCALE

1 2 3 4 5 1. I feel like 1 am never quite good enough.

1 2 3 4 5 2. I feel somehow left out.

1 2 3 4 5 3. I think that people look down on me.

1 2 3 4 5 4. All in all, lam inclined to feel that 1 am a success.

1 2 3 4 5 5. I scold myself and put myself down.

1 2 3 4 5 6. I feel insecure about others opinions of me.

1 2 3 4 5 7. Compared to other people, I feel like 1 somehow never measure up.

1 2 3 4 5 8. I see myself as being very small and insignificant.

1 2 3 4 5 9. I feel 1 have much to be proud of.

1 2 3 4 5 10. !feel intensely inadequate and full of self doubt.

1 2 3 4 5 11. I feel as if I am somehow defective as a person, like there is something basically wrong with me.

1 2 3 4 5 12. When 1 compare myself to others 1 am just not as important.

SCALE

1 2 . 3 4 5

NEVER SELDOM SOMETIMES FREQUENTLY ALMOST ALWAYS

SCALE

1 2 3 4 5 13.1 have an overpowering dread that my faults will be revealed in front of others.

1 2 3 4 5 14.Ifeel 1 have a number of good qualities.

1 2 3 4 5 15. I see myself striving for perfection only to continually fall short.

1 2 3 4 5 16.1think others are able to see my defects.

1 2 3 4 5 17. I could beat myself over the head with a club when I make a mistake.

1 2 3 4 5 18. On the whole, 1 am satisfied with myself.

1 2 3 4 5 19.1 would like to shrink away when I make a mistake.

1 2 3 4 5 20.1 replay painful events over and over in my mind until I am overwhelmed.

1 2 3 4 5 21. I feel I am a person of worth at least on an equal plane with others.

1 2 3 4 5 22. At times I feel like I will break into a thousand pieces.

1 2 3 4 5 23. I feel as if 1 have lost control over my body functions and my feelings.

1 2 3 4 5 24. Sometimes I feel no bigger than a pea.

1 2 3 4 5 25. At times I feel so exposed that I wish the earth would open up and swallow me.

1 2 3 4 5 26. 1 have this painful gap within me that 1 have not been able to fill.

1 2 3 4 5 27. I feel empty and unfulfilled.

1 2 3 4 5 28. I take a positive attitude toward myself.

1 2 3 4 5 29. My loneliness is more like emptiness.

1 2 3 4 5 30. I feel like there is something missing.

Please turn to the back page to complete family information items.

1

114

APPENDIX B

Table 2. The Pretest and Post-Test Mean Scores

Of TheChristian Education Proçram Group

On The Internalized Shame Scale

Prisoner j'retest Score _Post-Test Score

A 78 42

B 77 45

C 53 33

D 13 35

E 65 28

F 60 57

MEAN SCORE PRETEST: 58

MEAN SCORE POST-TEST: 40

5

4

3

2

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4 16 12 8

115

APPENDIX C

Figure 1. PRETEST INDIVIDUAL SCORES By Question

Al

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tit 5 tit cc 0 4. (..) cn 3

2

1

0

5

4

3

2

1

o

5

4

3

2

1

0

4 0

APPENDIX D

Figtre 2. INTERNALIZED SHAME SCALE POST-TEST INDIVIDUAL SCORES

A2

—

—

WM»

I 1 t t I t I 1 I t 8 12 16

QUESTIONS

.•

82

t 1 1 1

12 16

QUESTIONS

C2

—L--I--L 20 24

I 1

28

—

r■

0

t 1

-

--

-

-

-

8

8 12 16

OUESTIONS

02

i i 1

12 16

QUESTIONS

E2

1 I 1 I I 1

20

El--4, 113-€3--Ei--gl [-R-

t 1 t , I t I 1

0

5

4

3

2

1

0 1 I I 1 1 1

F2 •

L t 1 1

28 24

-

4

3

u) w te 0 U u)

2

0 4 8 12 16 20 24 28

APPENDIX E

Figure 3. PRETEST VS POST-TEST SCORES

SUMAVG

117

I-

I ! 1 1 1 1 1 I I 1 I l I

6

5

1

0

QUESTIONS

0 POST—SCORE + PRE—SCORE

118 I

APPENDIX F

Table 3. SELF-ESTEEM SUBSCALE

Pretest and Post-Test Scores

I

M PnsonertAiona etest (1 ) POSTIeS1

Al A2 B1 B2 Cl C2 D1 D2 El E2 Fi F

32 12 21 22 13 02

•4 1 2 3 3 4 2 2 2 4 0 1

31 23 44 44 24 24

22 22 13 31 24 10

21 13 34 43 24 11

01 23 14 41 34 11

17 8 10 16 14 20 19 13 12 23 5

MEAN SCORE PFIETEST: 13

MEAN SCORE POST-TEST: 15

#4

#9

#14

#18

#21

#28

Total

119

APPENDIX G

Table 4. INFERIORITY SUBSCALE

Pretest and Post-Test Scores

ITEM Prisoner(Alpha) Pretest (1) Posttest (2)

Al A2 B1 B2 Cl C2 D1 D2 El E2 Fi F2

#1 31 22 32 1 2 22 33

#2 42 32 21 02 21 33

#3 21 32 22 00 31 33

#5 32 43 23 23 31 « 21

#6 31 43 ii 10 31 14

#7 42 32 21 02 31 • 44

#8 31 31 10 01 21 43

#10 . 32 31 31 21 21 22

#11 33 31 41 13 31 42

#12 32 32 00 01 31 33

#13 42 23 20 02 42 03

#15 32 31 42 ii 32 4 3

#16 41 33 21 01 32 12

#17 32 31 23 02 32 31

#19 21 32 21 02 32 01

Total 47 25 45 29 32 19 8 13 42 21 37 38

MEAN SCORE PRETEST: 35

MEAN SCORE POST-TEST: 26

120

APPENDIX H

Table 5. ALIENATION SUBSCALE

Pretest and Post-Test Scores

ITEM .Prisoner(Alpha) Pretest (1) Posttest (2)

Al A2 B1 B2 Cl C2 D1 D2 El E2 Fi F2

#20 43 41 31 1 2 32 11

#22 32 43 32 01 31 42

#23 30 30 21 00 21 01

#24 41 32 12 01 20 12

#25 32 32 14 00 30 31

#26

42 32 21 12 31 43

#27 32 41 20 12 20 43

#29 42 42 31 12 32 23

#30 33 43 42 12 20 43

Total 31 17 32 16 21 14 5 12 23 7 23

MEAN SCORE PRETEST: 23

MEAN SCORE POST-TEST: 14

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SOL Îflif I i \i B[1III ç;. ie7Li

HV 8867 V5 no.4 Shame and release to the ca ptives : a Christian educat ion program for the shame-b

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