An Essay is Like a Journey

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An Essay is Like a Journey

Introduction

Your introduction is like a signpost at the beginning of a trail. It tells readers where you are going

to take them, and what they will see along the way.

As you think about your introduction, ask yourself:

• What is my main idea or thesis?

• Who are my readers?

• Why is my idea important here and now?

Body

The body of the essay moves the reader along toward the destination or goal. It might have one

paragraph, but usually it has several. Each paragraph is related to one of the points you want to

show the readers along the way. Some points may take more than one paragraph to developcompletely. There should be connections and transitions between the points you show the reader.

As you think about the body of your paper, ask yourself:

• What points do I want to make to help my readers understand my idea?

• What examples can I use to help the reader understand each point?

• What evidence do I have that each point is true?

•

How can I keep the reader interested in following my ideas?

Conclusion

The conclusion is the end of the journey. It looks back on the points you have shown the reader,

and reinforces, but does not necessarily repeat, the main idea. It also should create a feeling of ending, a farewell to the reader.

As you think about your conclusion, ask yourself:

• How has the reader's mind been changed by following my points and examples?

•

If we continued this journey, where would we go next?• If the reader ignores the points you have made, what might happen?

Introductions and Thesis Statements

Introductions: An introduction is one of the major parts of formal writing and is always

necessary. So, what is the difference between a good introduction and a great one?



While there are no set stylistic rules for writing introductions, most essay introductions include

the following elements: an introduction into the subject/topic of the essay and a thesis statement.

There are several ways to introduce an essay. Some essays lend themselves to beginning with aninteresting quotation or statistic, while others begin better with a anecdote or illustration. There

are some writers who even like to begin an essay with a contradiction to keep readers on their toes. One of the most popular kinds of introductions, though, is the funnel ; in this technique thewriter begins the essay by writing about general information and gets more specific as she moves

farther into the essay. It's important to note that there is no one perfect kind of introduction.

Here are a few examples of introductions. (The thesis is italicized in each example.)

A. Begin with an illustration:

All week, fourth-grade teacher Jennifer McKee became a student again. For sixhours a day, she sat in front of a donated machine trying to understand

instructions, asking questions, and making mistakes. McKee is just one of

thousands of teachers around the country who are learning to use computers.

B. Begin with a surprising fact or idea:

Millions of law-abiding Americans are physically addicted to caffeine—and most

of them don't even know it. Caffeine is a powerful central nervous system

stimulant with substantial addiction potential... As with other addictive drugs,heavy users develop a tolerance and require higher doses to obtain the expected

effect.

—Tom Ferguson and Joe Graedon, "Caffeine," Medical Self-Care

C. Begin with a contradiction:

Most people believe that stress has a negative effect on their lives. Under severestress, most cannot function effectively—or at all... Yet stress is not necessarily

bad. Contrary to popular opinion, people can learn to turn stress into a valuable

asset in the classroom and workplace.

D. The Funnel:

Few Americans stay put for a lifetime. We move from town to city to suburb, from

high school to college in a different state, from a job in one region to a better job

else where... With each move we are forever making new friends, who become

part of our new life at that time. —Margaret Meand and Rhonda Metraux, "On Friendship," in A Way of Seeing

The best introduction is one that makes a reader want to keep reading. As we learned in the

"Essay is like an Intellectual Journey" article: "The introduction is like a signpost or map at the beginning of a trail. It tells readers where the essay is going to take them, what ideas will be



explored, and what they will see along the way. It should create a feeling of anticipation and

interest."

Questions to ask after reading an introduction:

•

Do I know what the subject of the paper is?• Does it establish the writer's position?

• Did the writer use the best kind of introduction for this essay? Would a quotation, statistic

etc, have been more effective?

• What difference would other word choices make to the introduction?

Thesis Statement: According to Andrea Lundsford, in the Everyday Writer , "A thesis states the

central idea of a piece of writing. Most academic or professional writing contains a thesis

statement, often near the beginning. The thesis functions as a promise to the readers, letting them

know what the writer wants to discuss. Though you may not have a final thesis when you beginto write, you should establish a tentative working thesis early on in your writing process." (35).

After reading your thesis statement, you should ask: Now that I have the thesis statement's

information about the topic of the paper, so what?

• So, what do I do with the information?

• So, why is it so important for me to read?

The best thesis statements are not simply those that have the main topic of the essay, but the

reason(s) the reader should read the essay. Basically, why was it important to write the essay in

the first place (because it was assigned is not a reason), and why should the intended reader continue on (to give a grade or feedback is not reason enough)? Writing an effective thesis

statement takes thought.

A successful thesis satisfies the following criteria:

• It is potentially interesting to the intended audience.

• It is specific as possible.

• It limits the topic enough to make it manageable.

When we evaluate the following thesis according the these criteria we realize that it can bestrengthened.

Working thesis: Theories of global warming are being debated around the world.

Revised thesis: Scientists from several countries have challenged global-warming theories,

claiming that they are more propaganda than science.

Developing an Essay



Frequently, writers hear that they need to "develop" their ideas more, but often no one explains

what it means to develop one's ideas. In this class we will explore many ways to develop essays.For now, we will consider the three primary ways of expanding and developing an essay: detail,

argumentation, and example.

Using Detail Here are a few simple examples of how the addition of a few facts can help make a more generalstatement clearer and more effective:

Inadequately Developed:

Students shouldn't have to take more classes. It already takes too long to graduate.

Well Developed:

Students should not have to take any more required courses. Each student is

already burdened with numerous general educational courses, and many majorsare adding requiring courses as well. The four year degree is no longer possible for

most students. Even those going to school full-time often take six or seven years

now to graduate, and I read recently in the University Times that it takes anaverage 5.3 years for a full-time student to graduate from CSLA


All this new technology is affecting our privacy. There are many new devices being used today to invade our privacy.

Well Developed:

All this new technology is affecting our privacy by providing government,

businesses and even other private citizens with advanced devices that enable

spying. From miniature cameras to microphones that can listen across openspaces, equipment that used to be available only to rich and powerful governments

can be purchased by anyone with a few extra dollars and an interest in what their

neighbors are doing.

Using Argument

You use arguments to develop an clarify your ideas. Frequently, the first draft of an essay will

consist of a serious of statements, which, while probably true, are unclear. The problem is oftenthat the writer has already argued out the point for him or herself and doesn't recognize that the

reader needs to know how the writer did this. The writer needs to show the reader the steps used

by the writer to arrive at some idea or statement. Remember, if the goal is to convince the reader of some particular idea or interpretation, the writer needs to show the reader how any reasonable

person would arrive at the same conclusion.




The system is to blame for cheating. The way the whole thing is set up makes it

easier for students to cheat than study.

Well Developed:

While students are responsible for their own actions, the education system at

American universities must also share some of the blame for cheating. At many

major universities, students are given a second-rate education with classes taught by graduate students. Professors are encouraged to do research and seek grants and

are not rewarded for teaching. This system leads to little emphasis being placed on

classroom instruction. Professors focus on "getting through" material, and students

focus on "getting through" courses. The result is inevitable: students do whatever it takes to pass, and professors look the other way.


Privacy is important to who we are. If we think we're always being watched, we

won't be free.

Well Developed:

Privacy is important to who we are. If we think we are always being watched, our actions and behavior will change. Eventually our thoughts will change too. We

like to believe that we are free to make our own choices and our own mistakes,that we learn from our experiences and that we decide what direction our life will

take. If we are monitored constantly, will we make the same choices? Will we beallowed to make the same mistakes? Will we have any experiences to learn from?

Will we have any say in the direction our lives take? Freedom is not just the

freedom to act, but the freedom to act contrary to everything except the law. If wethink we are always being watched, then we will not be free.

Using Cases

The single most important and effective step you can take right now is to use examples (or cases)

to support the key points of your essay. An example (or case) illustrates a key point by giving thereader a specific and real instance of some more general statements. Often a specific case looks

like a "little story," where the details of the story relate directly to the general argument the writer

is making. Generally there are three types of cases:

• hypothetical (general scenarios of what might or will happen)

• anecdotal (stories, ideas from another writer)

• textual (stories, ideas from another writer)



Writers commonly use hypothetical cases to explain complex ideas. We will not use anecdotal

cases (personal experience) as evidence in the essays you write. For now, here are examples of ahypothetical case and a textual case used as evidence to support some general observation.


Many argue that while technology has had a negative effect on people’s privacy,

technology has brought about many positive results in terms of crime fighting and

prevention. While we have seen some benefits, the costs are still far too great.

Well Developed:

Many argue that while technology has had a negative effect on people's privacy,

technology has brought about many positive results in terms of crime fighting and

prevention. However, while eavesdropping on cellular phone conversations didlead to the arrest of a drug kingpin, does that justify the lack of privacy found on

all cellular phone conversations? What if a private citizen were suspected of committing a crime? While law enforcement agencies could not enter the suspect'shome without a search warrant, they could access employment records, military

records, mental and physical health records, bank and utility records, school

records, and many other sources of information. What if the allegations against the

suspect were totally unfounded? Is any attempt made to contact all those sourcesof information to make sure everyone knows that the police made a mistake, that

the person who was being investigated is innocent of any crime? All of us know

that the answer to the last question is no.


The legal basis of privacy has traditionally been based on the "reasonableexpectation of privacy" (Banisar 3). This standard has not been able to keep up

with new technologies. Our privacy is being compromised.

Well Developed:

The legal basis of privacy has traditionally been based on the "reasonable

expectation of privacy" (Banisar 3). This standard implies that in some places wehave a reasonable expectation of privacy while in others we do not. For the most

part, this makes sense. If we are walking across a public parking lot, we do not

have a reasonable expectation of privacy, and if a camera were watching us wewould probably be grateful. But do we expect privacy when we are shopping? The

answer is probably both yes and no. We expect to be seen by others, but we do not

expect others to know everything about us? Banisar notes that "A.C. Neilson, thelarge market rating company, recently patented a system using facial recognition

for covertly identifying shoppers to track their buying habits" (2). Once identified,

marketers could link shoppers to "comprehensive records" compiled from



"purchase records, surveys, credit reports, department of motor vehicle and

medical records, and numerous other files" (3). Clearly the standard of "reasonableexpectation" has not been able to keep up with new technologies. Our privacy is

being compromised.

Style, Clarity, and Grace

Delete Meaningless Words

Some modifiers add little or no meaning to the sentences we write:

kind of really basically practically

actually virtually generally certain

particular individual given various

Productivity actually depends on certain factors that basically involve psychology more than anyparticular technology.

Delete the meaningless modifiers and we produce a more concise (and clearer) sentence.

Productivity depends on factors that involve psychology more than any technology.

Delete Doubled Words

English has a long tradition of doubling words, a habit which formerly demonstrated the learning of the writer, but

which now often produces meaningless redundancies. Here are some of the more common doubled words:

full and complete true and accurate hopes and desires

hope and trust each and every first and foremost

any and all basic and fundamental various and sundry

Whenever you double adjectives (or verbs), consider whether your readers need both.

Delete What Readers Infer

This is the most common redundancy, because readers infer meaning in many ways. Here are a few:

Redundant Modifiers

In some cases, the meaning of the main word implies the modifier. Here are some common examples, with theunnecessary modifier shown in bold type.

completely finish true facts important essentials

future plans sudden crisis consensus of opinion

personal beliefs terrible tragedy end result

past history each individual various differences



final outcome free gift initial preparation

In every case, delete the modifier. The example below shows some other redundant modifiers in bold type with the

main word in italic type.

Do not try to anticipate in advance those events that will completely revolutionize our society because past history shows that it is the eventual outcome of seemingly minor events that has

unexpectedly surprised us most.

Do not try to anticipate revolutionary events because history shows that the outcome of seemingly

minor events surprises us most.

Redundant Categories

Every word implies the name of its category, so if a word is attached to the word for its category, you can usually cut

the category word. We know time is a period, a membrane is an area, pink is a color, shiny is an appearance, so we

don't have to write,

During that period of time, the membrane area became pink in color and shiny in appearance.

We need only,

During that time, the membrane became pink and shiny.

In some cases, when we eliminate the category, we have to change an adjective into an adverb:

The holes must be aligned in an accurate manner.

The holes must be aligned accurately.

Sometimes, we can drop the name of the category, if we change an adjective modifying the category into a noun:

The educational process and athletic activities are the responsibility of the county government.

The county is responsible for education and athletics.

Here are some general nouns (in bold type) often used redundantly:

large in size of a bright color

round in shape at an early time

honest in character in a confused state

unusual in nature extreme in degree

of a strange type curative process

area of mathmatics field of economics

Replace a Phrase with a Word

This kind of redundancy is the most difficult to solve, because we need a large vocabulary and the intelligence to use

it. For example,



As you carefully read what you have written to improve your wording and catch small errors of

spelling, punctuation, and so on, the thing to do before anything else is to try to see where

sequences of subjects and verbs could replace the same ideas expressed in nouns rather than verbs.

That is,

As you edit, first replace nominalizations with clauses.

This edit was achieved by compressing five phrases into five words:

carefully read what you have written => edit

the thing to do before anything else => first

try to see where => find

sequences of subjects and verbs => clauses

ideas expressed in nouns rather than verbs => nominalizations

There is no general principle that will help you recognize phrases that you can revise into a word. Nonetheless, you

must try. Listed below, to get you started, are some common phrases you can watch for:

the reason for

for the reason that

due to the fact that

owing to the fact that

in light of the fact that

considering the fact that

on the grounds that

because

since

why

despite the fact thatregardless of the fact that

notwithstanding the fact that

althougheven though

in the event that

if it should transpire/happen that

under circumstances in which

if

on the occasion of in a situation in which

under circumstances in which

when

as regards

in reference to

with regard to

concerning the matter of

where... is concerned

when

it is crucial that

it is necessary that

there is a need/necessity for it is important that

it is incumbent upon

cannot be avoided

must

should

it able to

is in a position tohas the opportunity to

has the capacity for

can



has the ability to

it is possible that

there is a chance thatit could happen that

the possibility exists for

may

mightcan

could

prior toin anticipation of

subsequent to

following on

at the same time as

simulaneously with

beforewhen

as

after

increase in

decrease in

more

less/fewer

better

worse

Adapted from: William, Joseph. Style: Ten Lessons in Clarity and Grace. 6th ed. New York: Longman, 2000.

Writing Effective Sentences

Coordination and Subordination

We often combine sentences using "all-purpose" conjunctions such as and or so. However, this

practice often leads to ambiguity. Consider the following sentence.

Deckard has new empathy for machines, and decides to keep the frog.

The meaning of this sentence is not clear. The sentence could have two somewhat different

meanings:

Because Deckard has new empathy for machines, de decides to keep the frog.

Deckard has new empathy for the machines, because he decides to keep the frog.

The first example sentence links two ideas with and , a coordinating conjunction. The secondexample sentences link two ideas with because, a subordinating conjunction. These examples

show two ways of combining ideas in a sentence: a coordinating conjunction gives the ideas

equal emphasis, and a subordinating conjunction emphasizes one idea more than another.

Coordination Relates "Equal" Ideas

Coordination gives equal cmphasis to different ideas in a sentence. Coordinating conjunctions(and, but, for, nor, or, so, and yet ) or a semicolon. (The semicolon is often used with a

conjunctive adverb such as therefore, moreover, or however .)



Bernard brought John back to the World State and exhibited him like a circus

freak.

John sought to live free of the World State, but could not escape from the intrusiveinterest of others.

Deckard is not an android; however , he is not fully human either.

Subordination Emphasizes "Main" ideas

Subordination allows you to distinguish between more important and less important information,

or to bring in supporting detail. Subordination also establishes logical relationships amongstideas. Of course, the writer decides which ideas in a sentence are more important and which are

less important, and what the logical relationship is between ideas. The choice made by the writer

can produce varying effects as shown in the following examples (the part of the sentencereceiving less emphasis is shown in italics):

The future imagined by Wilde was one free of manual labor, which would leave

humans free to create.

The future imagined by Wilde, one that was free of manual labor , would leave

humans free to create.

Of the two sentences above, the second one probably comes closer to conveying the relationship

between less and more important ideas. The parts in italics are called subordinate (or dependent)

clauses, and are easily identified by the fact that unlike an independent clause, they cannot standalone as a sentence. Subordinate clauses contain "subordinate" or less important information and

typically begin with one of the following subordinating conjunctions or relative pronouns:

after

although

asas if

because

beforeeven though

if

in order that

oncesince

so that

thanthat

though

unless

untilwhen

where

whether which

while

who

whomwhose

Eliminating Choppy Style

Because short sentences command the reader's attention, they should be used occasionally and

only for emphasis. Many short sentences together give a starting and stopping rhythm to the prose, which some call a "choppy" style. Subordination and coordination is the key to eliminating

choppy style. Sentences can often be combined using coordinating conjunctions. If the idea

expressed by the sentence is not important enough to deserve its own sentence, then try tocombine it with the preceding or following sentence. If the idea expressed is minor, put it into a

subordinate clause.



choppy The image of the clock is the first image of the film. It fills the screen. The time clock

is also prominent. It is another version of a clock. The workers' time is carefully

recorded. The speed of the assemby line is related to the time of the day. Everythingstops when the factory whistle blows.

improved The first image of the film is a clock, which fills the entire screen. Another version of

the clock is the time clock, which is prominent later, and is used to record carefullythe workers' time. Even the speed of the assembly link is related to the time of day,

everything stopping no matter what when the factory whistle blows.

Choosing between Coordination and Subordination

As the above examples show, coordination and subordination produce very different results, andyet inexperienced writers often have difficulty deciding which is appropriate. Keep in mind these

important points when choosing between coordination and subordination:

• Are the ideas to be connected equally important? If so, use coordination.

•

Is one idea less important than the other? If so, use subordination.• Can a coordinating conjunction (and, or, but ) clearly signal the relation between the

ideas? If so, use it. If not, use subordination.

Below are some examples of improved sentences through the use of coordination and

subordination.

Before John Isidore is known as a special, and he is the most

emphathic character in the novel.

After John Isidore, a special, is the most emphatic character

in the novel. (The less important idea has become anappositive phase.)

Before The Little Tramp tries to tighten all the bolts, and ends

up being swallowed by the machine.

AfterWhen the Little Tramp tries

desperately to tighten all the bolts, heends up being swallowed by the

machine. (The less important idea has

become a subordinate clause beginning

with When.)

Before Roy Batty drove a nail through his palm, and he

continued his pursuit of Deckard onto the rooftop, buthe had very little time left to live.

After After driving a nail through his palm, Roy Batty



continued his pursuit of Decker onto the rooftop, but he

had very little time left to live. (The less important idea

has been changed into a gerund phrase beginning withthe subordinator After .)

Before Postman claims that artificial intelligence, which is theability of a machine to think like a human, is afrightening prospect, that will lead to a future where

machines might rule over humans.

After Postman claims that artificial intelligence, which is the

ability of a machine to think like a human, is afrightening prostect. It will lead to a future where

machines might rule over humans. (Excessive

subordination was eliminated by breaking up a longsentence into two shorter ones.)

This handout made extensive use of the following sources:Hacker, Diane. A Writer's Reference. 4th ed. New York: Bedford/St. Martin's, 1999.

Lunsford, Andrea. The Everyday Writer . 2nd ed. New York: Bedford/St. Martin's, 2001.

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An Essay is Like a Journey