Aiding Generation Gap

& Parental ProblemsBy: Kelly Shaye Bayno

IntroductionIf you noticed, modern generation and cultural gaps are directly proportional to rapid cultural changes, from fashion to politics. To be able to relate more with our children, we need to learn to adapt to these cultural changes as well but without losing our own values and identity. Parenting is an enormous responsibility. It involves protecting the life of a child, providing for his optimum development and molding his character. When our children start to seek out their own identity, we are confronted with the fact that their way of maturing is very different from ours – from the way they define freedom, their technological adeptness, their languages, spoken or otherwise, their way of dressing and the way they interact with older people, including us. We can’t avoid situations where our values and theirs will clash. It can be difficult to deal with these situations but if we analyze it deeper, sometimes the problem only lies in cultural and generation gap.

Problems

Some familiar circumstances that can lead to conflict between the parents and their children are:

– when children are not allowed to stay out late

– when parents interfere with their choice of friends

– imposing of clothes to wear and many other “don’ts”

– frequent yelling to let one’s stand to be heard

– when children breaks the border of family rules

– when lies and disrespect become part of the conflict

ProblemsParental problems to their children in 3 main aspects:

Social problems  including withdrawal, loneliness, loss of confidence, school problems, learning disorders, anxiety and depression, alcohol and drug abuse (particularly associated with mental illness), suicide or self-harming, theft and criminal behaviour.

Discipline problems  including selfishness, defiance, unstable behaviour, recklessness, deceitfulness, violent behaviour and disruptive behaviour.

Educational problems  including disruptive behaviour, bullying, decreased learning ability and academic achievements.

According to the Office of National Statistics, the effects of this generation’s children to the current situation of the families. 16% of children from single-parent families experience a

mental health problem compared with 8% from two-parent families.

Mental disorders are more common in reconstituted families (14%) compared to families containing no stepchildren (9%).

Mental disorders were also more common in families where neither parent worked (20%), families where someone received disability benefit (24%), and families with lower levels of educational attainment.

Risk FactorsParental factors

Family conflict and discord: lack of structure and discipline, disagreement about child rearing.

Parental control that is too tight.

Overprotection is a risk factor for childhood anxiety.

Marital conflict, divorce or separation: most of the negative effects are caused by disruption of parenting. The parents' ability to cope with the changes may be reflected in the child's ability to cope.

Involvement of the father; the emotional and social outcomes are significantly improved for children whose fathers play a visible and nurturing role in their upbringing. Father involvement is associated with positive cognitive, developmental and socio-behavioural child outcomes, such as improved weight gain in preterm infants, improved breast-feeding rates, higher receptive language skills and higher academic achievement.

Maternal depression, including postpartum depression. Young children of depressed mothers have an elevated risk of behavioral, developmental and emotional problems.

One study found that depressed individuals who are offspring of depressed parents may be at particular risk for the secondary deficits of depression. Such deficits may include physical dysfunction, pain and disability; anxiety, smoking, drinking-related problems and poorer social resources.

Parental mental illness.

Parental physical illness.

Parental alcohol and substance abuse.

Re-marriage/stepfamilies.

Social/environmental factors

Poverty: mental disorders are more common in households with a low gross weekly income and in families where the parent was in a routine occupational group compared with those in a higher professional group. They were also more common in those living in the social sector (17%) compared with those who owned their accommodation (4%).

Neglect and/or abandonment; adopted children or children from foster homes.

Residential instability.

Child factors

A chronically ill or disabled child.

Undiagnosed psychological or developmental problem - eg, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), autism.

Difficult temperament of a child and a clash in parenting style.

Fragile emotional temperament of a child.

Peer pressures.

Family factors

Large families.

Family stress: working parents, job dissatisfaction, fatigue, stress and time, household chores.

Violence within the home.

Child sex abuse.

Trauma.

Philippine Statistic of the said topic

Parent-Respondents’ Profile. The average age of the parent-respondents is 44.12 years old. Almost all of them had attended formal schooling. The most common occupation among the fathers was construction worker while most of the mothers were housekeepers. More than 50 percent of the households had five (5) children or more and 84 percent out of the 75 families were Roman Catholics. In terms of the fathers’ occupation, 32 or 42.67 percent were construction workers, 24 or 32 percent were farmers, 10 or 13.33 percent were tricycle drivers, 4 or 5.33 percent were barangay officials, 2 or 2.67 percent were seamen and only 1 or 1.33 percent was a government employee. In terms of the mothers’ occupation, 58 or 77.33 percent were housekeepers, 13 or 17.33 percent were government employees, and 3 or 4 percent were vendors. There were 39 or 52 percent of the parents who have 5 or more children, while 28 or 37.33 percent have 3 to 4 children and only 8 parent-respondents have 1 to 2 children. With these results, it can be said that majority of the fathers obtained their source of living from working as laborers; while most of the mothers were left to manage their household. The data on the number of children and the sources of income of the fathers somehow elucidate why most of the mothers remained as housekeepers.

Parenting Styles. Majority of the parent-respondents claimed that they were authoritative parents. They said their parenting style would be authoritative if ever their child runs up and pushes the other child who is playing on a toy, keeps on getting out of bed and it is late for bedtime, says that he/she hates the gift received, keeps on running along the river or the seashore, is watching TV and an inappropriate program comes on, throws his/her things for the parents to carry, and cries because he/she wants to be carried as they are walking home. On the other hand, majority of the parents adopted a permissive parenting style when their child does not want them to leave the home. The parents, however, admitted that they also subjected their child to punishment, from the mild form of reminder to verbal reprimand, pinching, pulling hair or spanking.

Children’s Perceived Relationship with their Parents. Most of the children believed that they have warm and supportive parents and they felt that they were loved and given special attention; however, some of them admitted that they experienced hostile and conflicting relationship with their parents like, being blamed for the family’s misfortunes, criticized for their imperfections, witnessing their parents shout and quarrel with each other, and admitted that they cannot openly communicate with their parents. Twenty-six or 34.66 percent were authoritative. They would explain to their child that they had made a date that they want to keep, so, they would decide to bring their toddler with them and make sure that they bring a toy so the child can play with it. Only 2 or 2.67 percent believed they were authoritarian or they demanded their child to get ready and force him to come with them. This result simply implies that most parents have a very close attachment with their child. They cannot afford to leave their child behind if their child is begging them to stay. The parents were not even aware of the repercussions of their decision in tolerating their children yet they know for sure that they don’t want to see their child crying at the top of their lungs. After all, they will only be going to meet a friend. Filipino parents, by nature, give more value to family members than friends. This is strongly supported by the ‘close family ties’ values which is highly dominant among Filipino families

Children’s Social Adjustment. In terms of the children’s social adjustment, majority of the children believed that they exhibit both pro-social and anti-social behavior. They all claimed that they are helpful and cooperative and can get along well with others including their families. However, when they are bullied or persecuted, they tend to exhibit aggressive and/or violent behavior because they make sure that they get even with to those who bullies them. In terms of peer status and peer responses, almost all of them claimed that they really like their friends and they find it easy to find new friends. They also felt that they are genuinely accepted by their peers and friends. Very few of them who felt that they were not welcome and victimized by other children. Lastly, most of the children feel that they were satisfied with their family and peers and they were happy when they were at home or with their peers. Only one admitted that he/she experienced that feeling of being lonely.

SolutionGetting to the bottom of parent-child relationship problems can be difficult because there can be many different underlying issues. The possible outcomes may also vary depending upon individual families, religion, culture, attitudes, ethnicity and resources available.

It is best to encourage our growing children to be open to us. Being an excessive disciplinarian can backfire and may encourage children, especially teenagers, to be insecure and secretive. Learn to be in tune with the emotions hidden in their body languages. Sometimes it also helps if we are honest to them and ask our children what they want to communicate with these body languages because we don’t understand it. Set house rules and consequences if they broke family rules then you can remove Internet connection or sequester their gadgets until they apologize and understand why these family rules are important. For example: if teens arrive home fifteen minutes late at your evening-out rule, then take off one day of internet or gadget. They can get back the Internet access at home or any gadget if they cook a meal or clean toilet or help you in doing chores. Giving them tasks is a way to learn what responsibility and commitment mean. Teaching them on wise handling of money and self-reliant attitude is a must. Update yourself with terms like Yolo, GG, brb, tyl, ootd, selfie and etc. Share our culture with them and let them understand the differences in traditions, economic situations and values between their country of residence and the Philippines. Explain to them how we are different and how our values and behaviors were developed and tell them to absorb the good side of both cultures. Be flexible and learn to accept their modern ways as long as it does not cross the line between respect and freedom. On conflicting moral views, bridge gap with honest, open communication respecting each other’s age, feelings and views. Encourage our growing children to embrace the positive strong qualities, values and character of both cultures: theirs and ours. Emphasize on respect, honestly, compassion and understanding.

Prevention

One study found that a prevention programme implemented through childbirth education programmes enhanced the co-parental relationship, parental mental health, the parent-child relationship and infant emotional and physiological regulation. The programme had a positive effect on co-parental support, maternal depression and anxiety, distress in the parent-child relationship and several indicators of infant regulation. It was particularly helpful to lower-educated parents and families with a father who reported higher levels of insecure attachment in close relationships. Sure Start is a government-led initiative which encompasses a number of different projects aimed at giving every child the best possible start.

Philippines movement against generation gapThe National Committee on the Filipino Family (NCFF) chaired by the Department of

Social Welfare and Development (DSWD) recently highlighted the International Day of Families through a forum which tackled bridging the gap between generations. Reflecting on the theme, Professor Josefina Q. Era of Miriam College discussed the changing family trends in the Philippines, focusing on the OFW and solo-parent phenomenon, and its impact on family relationships. Professor Era emphasized the importance of providing time and attention to children because “these are what really matters, not material things.” Moreover, she talked about the differences between the older (60 years old and above), “sandwhich” (early adulthood to midlife), and the adolescent generations, and how to bridge the gap between them, underscoring the need for respect and   empathy. Reaching out, listening to and understanding the needs and concerns of each generation also foster harmonious intergenerational relationships. The older generation should also refrain from constantly reminding the adolescent and “sandwhich” generations “noong panahon namin” (in our time) because times have truly changed, and the norms practiced in raising children then is no longer applicable today,” added Professor Era. Professor Era also cited “Role Reversal” and “Global Parenting” or Online communications, as the common problems faced by families who are affected by the OFW phenomenon, concluding that grandparent-headed and youth-headed homes in the absence of the mother, father or solo parent, upset the structure of Filipino families. Citing figures based on a 2011 census by the National Statistics Office (NSO) showed that there are 2.2M OFWs working around the globe, while there are 13.9 million solo parents nationwide comprising 14 to 15 percent of the Philippines’ population of 94 million