Advice from Eats, Shoots & Leaves By Lynne Truss

What does “unyieldingly” mean??

• One who insists on something unyieldingly• Something puzzling or difficult

What is a Stickler??

• Not bending; inflexible• Not giving way to pressure or persuasion• Obdurate

What does “obdurate” mean??• Hardened against feeling; hardhearted• Not giving in to persuasion

• You carry around a permanent black marker to correct any mistakes you see on posters, advertisements, etc.• You experience the stages of grief at the sight of bad grammar: shock, disbelief, pain, anger.• You have a Seventh Sense: instead of seeing dead people, you see dead punctuation.• You are a member of any kind of grammatical society such as the Apostrophe Protection Society in England.• You believe that proper punctuation is the world’s most endangered species.• You know the historical background of punctuation.

You know you have an Inner Stickler if…

Why is good grammar so important?

A panda walks into a café. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots into the air.

“Why?” asks the confused waiter, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.

“I’m a panda,” he says at the door. “Look it up.”

The waiter turns to the relevant entry and, sure enough, finds an explanation…

“Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots & leaves.”

What is the definition of Grammar?

• “the traffic signals of language; they tell us when to slow down, take a detour, and stop.”

• “the invisible servants in fairy tales—the ones who bring glasses of water and pillows, not storms of weather or love.”

• “a courtesy designed to help readers understand a story without stumbling.”

The Consequences of Mispunctuation:

• A woman, without her man, is nothing.

• A woman: without her, man is nothing.

The Consequences of Mispunctuation:

Dear Jack,

I want a man who knows what love is all about. You

are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not

like you admit to being useless and inferior. You

have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have

no feelings whatsoever when we’re apart. I can be

forever happy---will you let me be yours?

Jill

The Consequences of Mispunctuation:

Dear Jack,

I want a man who knows what love is. All about you

are generous, kind, thoughtful people who are not

like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You

have ruined me. For other men I yearn. For you I have

no feelings whatsoever. When we’re apart, I can be

forever happy. Will you let me be?

Yours,

Jill

The Abused Apostrophe• The Apostrophe takes more abuse than any other

type of punctuation.• It first appeared in the 16th century in Greece.• In Greek, the word means ‘turning away’ or

‘omission.’ It was used to mark dropped letters in classical texts (ta’en=taken)

• It was first used to show possession in the 17th century (the teacher’s desk)

• In England, in the days of yore, a humble farmer pointed out a misplaced apostrophe in a royal decree. The Queen created the job of Apostropher Royal, to control the quality and distribution of apostrophes to all grocers in England. This job still exists.

• There have been reports of grocers deliberately misusing the apostrophe in their advertisement in order to bring customers in and get them to buy something.

The Abused Apostrophe• Current approved uses of the apostrophe include:

-possessive in singular noun (student’s book)

-possessive in plural noun (women’s movement or boys’ hats)

-Indicates time or quantity (four yards’ worth or two weeks’ notice)

-Indicates the omission of figures in dates (’04)

-Indicates the omission of letters (We can’t go to Jo’burg.)

-Features in Irish names (O’Neill)

-Indicates plurals of letters (how many f’s are there?)

-Indicates plurals of words (Are there too many but’s and and’s at the beginnings of sentences these days?)

The Abused Apostrophe• New rule for the apostrophe:

-Modern names and Biblical names ending in ‘s’ and which are possessive, now require the ‘s’ after the apostrophe (James’s store).

-The only exceptions are: names from the ancient world, names that end with the ‘iz’ sound, and Jesus.

• The abuse of It’s:

-The word it’s (with apostrophe) stands for ‘it is’ or ‘it has.’ If the word does not stand for ‘it is’ or ‘it has’, then what you require is ‘its.’

• The Law of Conservation of Apostrophes:

-For every apostrophe omitted from an it’s, there is an extra one put into an its. Thus the number of apostrophes in circulation remains constant.

The Abused Apostrophe• Take up arms in the Apostrophe War!• Weapons needed (stop when you feel uncomfortable…):

-correction fluid (white out)

-big pens

-stickers cut in a variety of sizes, both plain (for sticking over unwanted apostrophes) and colored (for inserting where apostrophes are needed)

-can of paint with big brush

-guerilla style clothing

-strong medication for personality disorder

-bullhorn

-weapons

The Abused Apostrophe• If the apostrophe did become extinct,

imagine the scene the next day when the triumphant abolitionist writes:

“Goodbye to the Apostrophe; we’re not missing you a bit!”