50PEOPLE MANAGEMENT EXCHANGE NOVEMBER/DECEMBER … · the deep underlying reasons and motivations grounded in personal values and beliefs that are behind a coachee’s behav-

50 PEOPLE MANAGEMENT ExchangePress.com EXCHANGE NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2019

D Transformational Coaching Move Beyond Goals and Action Plans to Foster Continuous Quality Improvement by Constant Hine and Robin Levy

D Educator-to-Educator Professional Development by Mary Muhs

D Strategies for Family Engagement by Carol LaLiberte

D Handling Difficult Moments with Demanding Families by William Mosier and Ross Glen Chandler Nunamaker

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Transformational coaching is an approach in which coachees learn to practice self-reflection, and to question and examine the perspectives, values and beliefs influencing their behav-iors and habits, which consequently determine their outcomes and results. Coaches model these skills in their interactions with coachees, emphasizing a learning partnership that integrates supported experimentation and ideation of profes-sional practices. Transformational coaching recognizes that goal setting and action planning are important, and that new actions are needed to generate different results. It also recog-nizes that goal setting and action planning alone are usually

not enough to achieve sustainable results and lasting behav-ioral changes. Transformational coaching, therefore, examines the deep underlying reasons and motivations grounded in personal values and beliefs that are behind a coachee’s behav-iors and habits.

Reflection is the heart of transformational coaching. Because reflection facilitates the change process and grooms change skills in a meaningful and intentional manner, it supports the achievement of sustainable “sticky” change. Transformational coaching allows the coachee to learn and use reflection as a professional practice to cultivate new habits and, consequent-ly, sustainable change. Additionally, this approach uses an ap-preciative coaching methodology, empowering the coachee to be self-responsible. It transfers power to the coachee to leverage reflection, attitudes and change skills. From their internal vantage point, the coachee is empowered to become a proactive critical thinker with greater abilities to accomplish desired or new goals and to implement actions more indepen-dently over time.

Transformational coaching focuses on what’s holding behav-iors and habits in place and what values, beliefs and emotions are contributing to current practices and outcomes. By explor-ing what is holding habits in place, the coachee can see more clearly what changes might be needed to achieve new desired results. In talking to early childhood coaches across the coun-try, we repeatedly hear that coachees do not seem motivated to do what they already know how to do. Often coachees may not really want to make changes to their practices, which are often indicated by data gathered from observations, assessment and/or evaluation tools used to identify quality indicators of performance. This type of scenario often drives coaches to try, unsuccessfully, to inspire coachees to make changes to meet compliance expectations, instead of helping them explore their intrinsic motivation and desire to grow as a professional.

Constant Hine has over 38 years’ experience in the field of early childhood as a classroom teacher, adult educator, coach and

consultant. She is a nationally recognized, dynamic and inspirational speaker and author including her newest book, “Transformational Coaching for Early Childhood Educators” from Redleaf Press. She received a master’s degree in

teaching/ECE from Nova University, Florida. Since 1988 Hines’ company, Horizons In Learning, has offered professional

development services to early childhood professionals, leaders, coaches, agents of change, teachers and care-givers throughout North America. Hines specializes in transformational learning, coaching, and leadership that engages professionals to make lasting, deep and sustainable changes. She developed the GROOMER Framework for Change™, a mental model for coaches, leaders and agents of change to use to facilitate the change process. This framework is a relationship and inquiry-based transformational coaching approach to support sustainable habits of reflection, problem solving and lifelong learning.

Robin Levy has been in the field of early childhood education for 30 years in a variety of roles including: licensed family

child care provider, classroom teacher, large center director, coach, consultant, adult educator and social and emotional development specialist. With a master’s degree in educational administration and policy from the University of

Denver, as a Buell Early Childhood Leadership Program Fellow, and with extensive experience using various coaching

models, Levy specialize in transformational learning, intentional coaching and leadership strategies that engage professionals to make meaningful, profound and sustainable changes which foster continuous quality improvement in early childhood programs and agencies. Levy is a “coach’s coach” working to broaden and deepen the skills and mastery of coaches and mentors (regardless of their actual title or role) using the GROOMER Framework for Change™, an approach for facilitating ongoing professional development using a continuum of intentional facilitation strategies.

Transformational CoachingMove Beyond Goals and Action Plans

to Foster Continuous Quality Improvement

by Constant Hine and Robin Levy



call (800) 221-2864.

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A key component of the transformational coaching approach is to explore and shift the motivational incentive from an external expectation for compliance to an internal desire for professional growth and change. Cultivating intrinsic motiva-tion sets a foundation and mindset for a culture of continuous quality improvement, helping shift the mindset of both coach and coachee from compliance, which accompanies and may permeate Quality Rating Improvement System (QRIS) efforts, to a mindset of continual change and growth—embracing an attitude of lifelong learning.

The role of the transformational coach, therefore, is that of a change agent, a thinking partner, facilitator of thinking, and some-times an accountability partner. A coach’s role is to empower people to learn how to reflect and how to thoughtfully make data-driven decisions to improve their prac-tices, solve their own professional problems, and be responsible for their own learning by learning how to change. The intention of this approach is to groom the coachee’s ability to change and learn about any content with skill and, hopefully, some grace and joy. We see this approach as a way of “getting better at getting better” (Young, 2017). Fostering continuous improvement is often more important for a coach than simply being a content expert, with the ultimate goal of promoting real change and growth over time.

In the more traditional transactional coaching approach, the focus is often specifically on external results and outcomes (Terrell and Hughes, 2008). The coach often completes an observation of the coachee to identify the needed changes in practice, provide feedback based on the observation, assist in creating goals based on the feedback discussion about the in-tended changes to be made, and then work with the coachee to develop an action plan to meet those goals. The coach as an expert is often embedded in transactional coaching, in that the coach uses a consultative/technical assistance facili-tation strategy, frequently giving advice or suggestions and taking a lead in setting goals and action plans. This approach can sometimes leave the coachee with a sense of needing to “fix” their practices, which can be disempowering and uninspiring, and can create a dependency model in which the coachee habitually turns to the coach for the answers, rather than generating creative solutions for themselves.

By empowering the learner, transformational coaching is more aligned with a constructivist approach to learning. It emphasizes the importance for the coachee to increase

reflection skills, learn through trial and error, and experiment and refine their practices. Additionally, it goes deeper than transactional coaching by emphasizing and examining the underlying values and beliefs that hold ineffective practices and stagnant results in place. Finally, transformational coach-ing identifies barriers and challenges that may need addition-al targeted action plans to ultimately achieve desired results (Hine, 2019).

Typically, few people become an early educator for the pay. Most often early educators experience a sense of calling,

purpose, and even mission to work with our youngest citizens, in order to have a positive effect on future generations. As coaches, when we actively listen to early child-hood educators, we can hear their passion, desire and vision, and we can help them witness, tell and develop their own profes-sional learning story. Increasingly these internal motivators are concealed by the demands of our systems and programs. This often leads to stress and burnout, conflicts between internal motivations and program

expectations or industry standards, and frustrations in trying to meet the needs of children and families in a society with increasing individual risk factors and systemic challenges.

We know caring for and educating young children is de-manding work, but when it is aligned with an inner desire to contribute and make a difference in the lives of those young children, along with the needed skill sets to meet the demands of the industry, it is deeply rewarding. Transforma-tional coaching can help align a coachee’s intrinsic motiva-tion with a deeper understanding of and correlation with the quality indicators coaches provide and use as guidelines for quality professional practices.

Creating intentional professional practices is like cultivating a garden: we must prepare, plant, water, weed and harvest. Co-creating a trusting and respectful coaching relationship represents the soil preparation essential to future outcomes for both educators and the children they serve. Adopting an attitude of curiosity, nurturing growth, honing specific prac-tices and facilitating the desire to change are part of planting the seeds. Each professional practice is an individual seed to grow. As with gardening, one cannot produce a new plant any faster than its own growth process allows. External pressures such as bugs, droughts or weeds create obstacles and barriers to steady growth, so consistent weeding and nurturing are necessary habits to develop. The tool of reflection, watering the soil with encouragement, tending the soil of relationship, and weeding out ineffective behaviors and negative thinking

“Coaching, you see, is not telling people what to do; it is giving

them a chance to examine what they are doing in the light of

their intentions.”

– James Flaherty, “Coaching: Evoking Excellence in Others” (1999)

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through transformational coaching are foundational for the cultivation process. Cultivating embraces action research and happens over time, ensuring that lasting, “sticky” change will grow from the efforts devoted to the cultivation process.

Experimentation and refinement based on collected data are also part of the transformational coaching cultivation process, because when new ideas are implemented, learning opportu-nities from trial and error or unexpected consequences often appear. Making perceptible change requires tolerating the discomfort of not getting it right and not getting quick re-sults, because real growth and change take time. The skills re-quired to cultivate a garden include tolerating the discomfort of practicing new skills, changing small daily habits, identify-ing and weeding out barriers and obstacles, and using data to inform refinement. Harvesting is done by the coachee as they glean the fruits of their learning, including new professional habits and the tools to plant their own future gardens. And, it is the coach’s role to be a partner or co-gardener with coachees—the people we support. It is also the coach’s responsibility to tend to their own garden and growth along the way.

Because a coach’s role is that of co-gardener and change agent, they help coachees tolerate the discomfort and vulnerability of going through the change process, which includes practic-ing, experiencing failures, trying things out for the first time, taking risks, not knowing what the results are going to be, and taking what might seem like insignificant small steps. It is these repeated small steps, however, that create sustainable change and foster the adoption of effective consistent habits for early childhood professionals. For a coach to be steadfast in their role as co-gardener, they need to continuously reflect, learn, practice and change. The coach must understand and empathize with the feelings of discomfort and vulnerability associated with the change process and creating new habits. Furthermore, the coach needs to be very clear about their own perspectives, values and beliefs that influence their ac-tions or habits as a coach.

Transformational coaching as a professional development strategy provides a unique opportunity to help early child-hood educators rekindle their purpose for coming into this field in the first place. It can help them clarify their deepest determination and desire to make a difference in the lives of children. Additionally, when supporting early childhood professionals to commit, create and practice habits that foster high quality practices and interactions, success will only be

achieved if the programs and systems in which they work also endeavor to achieve sustainable results and align with quality professional practices at a systemic level. Information and teaching alone do not change behavior; change requires reflection and practice. This is true for the coaches’ own trans-formation and deepening of their intentional coaching and professional practices.

Because relationships are the container for all learning, the coaching relationship is a unique opportunity to not only hone professional skills, but to also foster lifelong learning and broaden perspective and impact the efficacy of early childhood professionals. This happens one step at a time, to help professionals continue to “get better at getting better.” Igniting passion, purpose and dedication in people is essen-tial to foster a culture of continuous quality improvement in our early childhood field.

Transformational coaches are in a unique posi-tion to develop relationships that help ignite those passions and support early educators to thoughtfully grow throughout their journeys as early educators. Coaches can also support programs to provide meaningful support to their staff, in order to successfully provide qual-ity services for children and families—a goal we all hope and strive for but can only accomplish together.

References

Hine, C. (2019). Transformational Coaching for Early Childhood Educators. St Paul, MN: Redleaf Press.

Flaherty, J. (2010). Coaching: Evoking Excellence in Others, 3rd ed. New York: Taylor and Francis.

Olson, J. (2013). The Slight Edge: Turning Simple Disciplines into Massive Success & Happiness. Plano, TX: SUCCESS.

Terrell, J.B., and Hughes, M. (2008). A Coach’s Guide to Emo-tional Intelligence. San Francisco: Pfeiffer.

Young, B. (2017). Continuous Quality Improvement in Early Childhood and School Age Programs: An Update from the Field. BUILD Initiative. Retrieved from http://qrisnetwork.org/sites/all/files/conference-session/resources/Continous%20Quality%20Improvement%20in%20Early%20Childhood%20and%20School%20Age%20Programs.pdf.

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“Simple daily disciplines – little productive actions, repeated

consistently over time–add up to the difference between failure

and success.”

– Jeff Olson, The Slight Edge


http://qrisnetwork.org/sites/all/files/conference-session/resources/Continous%20Quality%20Improvemen




You wear many hats every day. You wear the hat of a leader, director, manager, accountant, human resource professional, counselor, advocate, chef, housekeeper, cheerleader, model, repairperson, salesperson and many others. You are also an educator of educators. Yet, while all these roles can pose their own unique challenges, incorporating professional develop-ment opportunities into an early childhood program is often one of the biggest challenges. Because each educator in your program is unique and brings to the table their own educa-tion, experience, morals, values and expectations, you have your work cut out for you. How can you help each one of the educators in your program meet requirements, challenge themselves, and ultimately fulfill their own potential?

So Little Time

Within the early childhood education field, there are a myriad of requirements differing from state to state and program to program. State legislation places basic requirements on initial education and experience, while Quality Rating and Improvement Systems, developed in each state, provide requirements for educator credentials along with required annual training or continuing education requirements. While credential requirements and continuing education support a higher level of program quality, these requirements may place a burden on administrators, who must ensure their

educators complete requirements on time. Additionally, each educator is an individual. Just as we look to children’s individual development, we must also see our educators as needing unique and individualized support and training, in order to become their very best. No two educators are the same and continuing education needs to be deep and wide in topic, level and applicability.

D Topics need to fit the requirements, yes, but also need to challenge educators’ interests, curiosities and practices. For example, while we all need health and safety training on an ongoing basis, we also need to stay on top of brain development research, including how it affects our daily expectations for children.

D Educators also have their own interests and areas for improvement, such as learning new strategies for working with children exhibiting challenging behaviors.

D Finally, educators need continuing education to chal-lenge their current practices, which may mean challeng-ing long-held beliefs or habits. One example would be to provide training on attachment theory for educators who may practice a cry-it-out method for infants. Challenging current practice does not require change, but it can en-courage new thinking, while enriching and strengthening relationships.

So how does an administrator provide all of this continuing education while still operating a highly successful early child-hood education program?

An Educator-to-Educator Model

In 2014, public school teachers developed Teach to Lead®, in order to show that teachers are valued in their expertise and experience, and can develop education policy and practice to improve children’s learning. Now, through a partnership with the U.S. Department of Education, the Association for Super-vision and Curriculum Development and Teach Plus, Teach to

Mary Muhs has been in the early childhood education field for over 30 years. She is the department chair for early childhood dducation with Rasmussen College. Muhs earned a Master’s degree in Early Childhood Education Administration from National Louis University and is a

Doctoral Candidate in Early Childhood Education with Walden University. Her experience extends from working with

infants through preschool, center leadership and administration, training, mentoring and coaching adult educators in the field. In 2018, Muhs was selected as an Exchange Leader for Exchange Magazine and was a featured subject matter expert in the Exchange Press Turn Key Video Series, “The Heart of Infant and Toddler Care.” Muhs is also the published author of “Family Engagement in Early Childhood Programs Quick Guide” with Redleaf Press. She is a strong advocate for high quality education programs for both adults and children.

Educator-to-Educator Professional Development

by Mary Muhs

Mary MuhsExchange Leadership InitiativeExchangePress.com/leadership



call (800) 221-2864.


Lead® is supported by 174 diverse organizations from across the education spectrum, including the National Association for the Education of Young Children, the Council for Profes-sional Recognition and many state organizations (Teach to Lead, 2019). Ultimately, the goal is to incorporate educators’ expertise, education, experience and drive to educate and support one another in policy and practice. Could this idea become a means to supporting early childhood education programs by implementing comprehensive educator-led professional development?

Educators providing training or professional development to others in early childhood education is not a new concept. Many states already offer comprehensive training and trainer approval processes for continuing education or coaching and mentoring systems for quality improvement. Instead of rely-ing on all professional development to be delivered by the administration or outside resources, developing an internal process for educators to teach their peers may provide much more than a time-saving solution for administrators. It may also provide empowerment, validation and leadership op-portunities for those educators looking to share their experi-ences with their peers. An educator-to-educator professional development model can create:

D a community of practice where open and creative com-munication and learning can take place across age groups and programs;

D a culture of ethical and respectful inquiry with educators seeking best practices;

D a collaborative team of educators working together to cre-ate the best environment for children to grow and thrive;

D an opportunity for educators to develop an identity be-yond their immediate position, so that their experience is valued and celebrated through sharing with others; and

D an internal leadership development system in which educators can lead from wherever they are, and whichever position they currently hold. Leadership is more than posi-tion.

No One Right Way

You may already be working or familiar with systems that follow the educator-to-educator understanding, such as professional learning communities, mentorship or coaching, peer coaching and training. Each opportunity offers collabo-ration, a focus on continual quality improvement and a focus on children learning.

D Professional learning communities consist of an entire group of educators and usually crosses age groups. The group works on a shared vision and set of expectations for children, designing experiences together and learning from one another. The focus is on what works, what does not, and improvement needed for the sake of children’s growth and development. For an early childhood educa-tion program, a PLC might include educators from infants and toddlers or from twos and preschool to help improve the transition for children between the age groups. The group can work together by bringing research on attach-ment, along with examples of what has worked well and what has not, to discuss ideas for future improvement on the communication, timeline and preparation needed for these milestone transitions.

D Mentorship and coaching offer an educator (mentee) a chance to improve their practice, knowledge and skills while being supported by a more experienced educator (mentor/coach). Often, mentors support new educators, but it does not have to be that way. A mentor or coach can support another educator of any level. The key is that the mentor and mentee establish a relationship of trust, collaboration and communication. This is not a chance for the mentor to tell the mentee what they need to do differently, but instead to help the mentee discover areas of improvement, and in turn, support their efforts toward making changes to improve practice. Mentors can offer training, inquiry, research, discussion and modeling to support their mentees’ growth. For an early childhood education program, a mentor might be an educator who has been with the program for some time and has been looking for a way to share his or her experience with a new educator or for an educator new to an age group.

D Peer coaching is similar to mentorship and coaching, but the mentor or coach is, instead, a colleague or peer, often in the same or similar role. Working with a peer can provide a less intimidating means of support. Peer coach-ing is also a great way to develop collaboration amongst team members. A peer coach might be a newer educator completing an educational degree program, who can mentor or coach another educator who needs inspiration after many years in his or her role. A peer coach may also be an educator who finds that she has become an expert in developing engaging and provocative play invitations, or other types of classroom activities and wants to share her expertise with others in the program.

D Trainers, workshop facilitators or presenters often come from outside an early childhood education program; how-ever, it does not need to be that way. Instead, work with


your educators to discover their areas of interest, research or expertise. Every educator has an area of their practice in which they excel. Work with that educator to develop a short training or workshop they can share at meetings or during rest time. Start small with new presenters and encourage them to branch out when they are comfortable. Developing your own training team can not only validate your educators’ experience and knowledge, but also pro-vide opportunities for them to share that knowledge with their colleagues.

Making It Work

Since many educators do not have experience with group facilitation, coaching, mentoring or training, it may be neces-sary to start by talking about a few best practices when it comes to working with other adults. Consider these practices to make the most of your educator-to-educator professional development model (Margolis, 2009).

D Use humor to reduce nervousness and level the playing field.

D Increase buy-in by framing ideas as being easy or easily adaptable.

D Validate educators’ current practices or work and build on it.

D Represent yourself as a lifelong learner.

D Include examples, documentation and visuals of children’s work in action.

D Refrain from talking too much; like children, adults learn by doing.

D Restrain yourself from sharing too much information or asking too much at one time.

D Ask open-ended questions to encourage conversation and sharing.

D Relate educators back to their own practice as much as possible.

D Collaborate to create simple actionable steps for contin-ued improvement.

Early childhood education administrators have many choices to make every day, and many hats to wear. Designing oppor-tunities to include your program’s educators in professional development may give you more time to wear other hats or perhaps share a hat or two with them, as well.

References

Margolis, J. (2009). How teachers lead teachers. Educational Leadership. 66(5). Retrieved from http://www.ascd.org/pub-lications/educational-leadership/feb09/vol66/num05/How-Teachers-Lead-Teachers.aspx

Superville, D. (2015). School districts turn to teachers to lead. Education Week. 34(18), pp. 15-16. Retrieved from https://www.edweek.org/ew/articles/2015/01/21/school-districts-turn-to-teachers-to-lead.html

Teach to Lead. (2019). About Teach to Lead. Retrieved from http://teachtolead.org/

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http://www.ascd.org/publications/educational-leadership/feb09/vol66/num05/How-Teachers-Lead-Teachers



https://www.edweek.org/ew/articles/2015/01/21/school-districts-turn-to-teachers-to-lead.html



http://teachtolead.org/

Three decades of research have shown that parental participa-tion improves students’ learning. This is true whether the child is in preschool or the upper grades, whether the family is rich or poor, whether the parents finished high school.

—U.S. Department of Education. (1994). Strong Families, Strong Schools: Building Community Partnerships for Learning.

When I was a new preschool teacher in a walk-in, neighbor-hood-based center serving a diverse population, I wanted parents to have a voice in my program. I handed fliers to incoming parents, inviting them to a parent meeting at the beginning of a new school year. I wanted their opinions on the curriculum and to inform them of our upcoming field trips and classroom needs. It was important to me to make sure that they knew they were always welcome in our school. Even though parents nodded enthusiastically as I handed them the parent meeting announcement, that evening, only two of the 20 parents showed up. That happened the following month as well; the same two, very involved parents attended the parent meeting. Rather than bringing parents together, both parents in attendance were growing impa-tient with those who did not attend, saying things like, “They just don’t care about their children’s preschool.” I could have joined the blame game, but chose instead to try to under-

stand why parents were not coming out to their childrens’ school on the first Tuesday night of every month.

The morning after the second failed meeting attempt, I greet-ed parents and children at the door as I always did, but this time, after the children went off to play, I told the parents that I missed them and asked why they were not at the meeting, reiterating how valuable I felt their input was to our program and their children’s education. What they told me reminded me of how complicated these families’ lives were. Parents said, “It is too late for me to go out because my neighbor-hood is unsafe.” “I don’t have a car.” “I have to get four kids fed, bathed and into bed with no help.” “I can’t afford a babysitter.”

My third attempt at a parent meeting was very different. I asked parents which night was best. I drove our center van and picked them up, since most lived in the same housing complex. I ordered large pizzas, hired a babysitter and told parents they could bring all of their children for dinner and play. I even suggested the kids come in their pajamas, so parents could return home with one less thing to do that night. The meeting was attended by all but four families. It was noisy and I accomplished less with many interruptions, but parents felt validated. How could I have possibly thought they could have informed me about curriculum when they were scared, hungry and struggling? By providing families with what they needed, I demonstrated to them that I cared enough to listen and find ways to help them overcome ob-stacles of effective participation.

Family engagement is many things. It is meeting families where they are: referring them to food pantries or diaper shelves if that is what they need. It is considering families in everything that you do—their diversity should be reflected on your walls, in your newsletters (in their primary languages) and in your approaches. Do your approaches send the mes-

Strategies for Managing Parentsby Carol LaLiberte

Carol LaLiberte, M.Ed., is the early childhood education and human services coordinator at Asnuntuck Community

College in Enfield, Connecticut.

Carol LaLiberteExchange Leadership InitiativeExchangePress.com/leadership



call (800) 221-2864.


sage, “I am in charge of your child here. You do not have any say or power or influence?”

Families are more diverse today than ever before. Knowing who your families are—their challenges and needs—is a key first step and one that can be easily achieved through the use of a survey. The Family-School Relationships Survey, developed by Panorama Education and the Harvard Gradu-ate School of Education, measures 10 areas of family engage-ment, among them family support, school fit, school climate and barriers to engagement. It is a free tool that can be downloaded and used by your center or school to get a clear view before you start planning how you will form relation-ships with parents. While designed for parents with children in school aged programs, it could be adapted for use in other programs as well.

Programs that care for children may have LGBTQ parents, step parents, extended family, single parents, foster families, deployed parents and many other combinations. It is an important first step to ask parents in admission forms or early conversations, “Who do you consider to be part of Marissa’s family?” That is a different question than, “Who should be al-lowed to pick her up from school?” but it is no less important that we get this right. Another important question to ask is, “What does your child call these people?” Children tell us all sorts of things throughout a day and it is good to under-stand who they are describing in their stories. Often asking preschool and school age children to draw a picture of their family gives a clue as to who they think is included.

A survey of 18,000 parents identified some of the biggest barriers to family engagement: time, lack of information and lack of childcare (Getting Smart.com). That was certainly my experience as a preschool teacher, and it is clear parents are perhaps even busier today with the internet extending many peoples’ workday long after 5 p.m. While the digital age makes demands more challenging, it can also make communicating with families easier. Over half of all parents surveyed said they wanted to learn what was going on in their children’s centers and schools via text messaging. Just five years prior, only 5 percent wanted to hear updates using this format. Other similar surveys indicate that while parents want to be informed online of school news, they do not want to be overwhelmed by an avalanche of communications.

The Center for Disease Control and Prevention has developed a set of resources called Parents for Healthy Schools, which helps schools create strategies to communicate and involve parents. These are encompassed in three words: connect, engage and sustain. Schools and programs that focus on

these three aspects of engagement design opportunities for families across a variety of tiers. Rather than using the same approaches over and over, it is best to create an engage-ment plan that targets groups of parents using the following strategies:

D Identify engagement barriers. Conduct a survey of your families each year to help identify what barriers may exist that prevent them from communicating with you or becoming involved in your programs. Devise a plan of engagement that tells families you have learned about their barriers and are working hard to address them and to build communication plans that are informed of these challenges. There is no one-size-fits-all approach, just as every class you teach will be different from the one before and every family is different from every other. Getting to know families and understanding their needs, and then tailoring your approach to them, will go a long way toward making them feel heard, appreciated and engaged in your program.

D Identify levels of involvement. Not everyone will attend meetings or go on field trips. Find ways that all families can be part of your community from the simplest interac-tion to greater involvement. All efforts can help support your program and help your families feel that they are an integral part of their child’s school life.

D Use strategies that others have found to be successful. These should include creating a welcoming environment for families from the front entrance and onward. Is there a welcome sign in every language represented in your program or school? Does staff greet each family no matter what they are in the building for? Do they offer to help them to find the office or to engage a reluctant toddler? This strategy can take seconds, but it sends a clear mes-sage: You are always welcome here.

D Use multiple methods to communicate with families. Families are not one-size-fits-all, so why would any single engagement strategy work for all? Instead of hoping to involve and communicate with the tip of the iceberg, why not set your sights on the entire glacier; in other words, strive to connect with families who you often see and those you rarely do. Use social media to inform and engage, but also try more traditional methods such as notices and newsletters in backpacks. Don’t overload families who are busy, but instead plan effective elevator speech interactions for parents who drop off and pick up their children. Share something positive about the day or something they may not otherwise know. “Jesse tried green beans today and liked them!” “Ming spent a long


time working on her easel art.” A heartfelt hello and good-bye help too. This is also a good reminder time: “There’s a family potluck tomorrow night. Come if you can! Childcare provided.” Or “Newsletters went out online and in back-packs. I think you will like some of the fall events we have coming up.”

D Avoid the blame game. If you are serious about under-standing families and creating engagement opportunities that are planned to address their needs and interests, then stop blaming them when they do not engage, and instead, figure out how to increase their comfort level with you and your program or school. Teachers often tell me that they are annoyed by parents who come into a center to pick up their infant or toddler with the phone to their ear. They take their child, ignore any attempts to chat about the day, do not greet their child, and hurry out, kid in arms. Teachers often want to share how the day went, feeding and diapering schedules, things that went well or did not, and this prevents that from happening. Many centers have a no cell phone sign hanging but this does little to address the problem. So, should staff ignore the parent on the phone? What if they asked them individually to leave their phones in their car unless there is an emergency? A sign saying no phones does not explain why it is important that children are greeted responsively at the end of the day or left off with a goodbye ritual that works for child, parent and center. This is a good topic to objectively discuss in an early newsletter, at admission time and at a first family gathering. Helping parents find ways to disconnect with-out making them feel bad is also vital.

D Provide tips that parents need. Simple things that help at home can be useful, so long as center staff do not ap-pear to be the only experts in a child’s life. Parents often complain that their children do not tell them anything when they ask, “How was your day?” Center and school staff know that for young children, a more targeted inquiry can help. Advise parents to try: “Tell me something funny that happened during lunch?” or “What storybooks did you read today?”

D Engagement is a two-way process. Can you use a jour-nal that parents fill out with information about home and you fill out with information about school? These sorts of two-way communications give parents the message that we are a team instead of only school-to-home communi-cation, which makes teachers the experts in the partner-ship. Some schools have a special friend, such as a stuffed animal, who goes home with each child for a few days. The families can document in a journal whatever adventures the special friend had with that family. This is a wonderful, non-threatening way to understand the lives of the fami-lies in your program—their practices, lifestyles and culture.

Early childhood programs, be they infant rooms or first grade classrooms, are communities within which children and families grow along with teachers and staff. Sharing goals, communicating, laughing, telling stories and doing purpose-ful work enrich all involved. There is no all-encompassing approach to family engagement; rather, it should be a rich, ongoing dialogue with all families in the manner that works best for them.

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Whether we are out in front, leading others along or holding others up, or leading from below, learning

to tune into the thoughts and actions of ourselves and others in a non-reactive way gives us the stable footing to make a tangible impact. Kirsten Haugen and Pam Boulton • Exchange Issue 245


In early care and education, we make a conscious effort to encourage full family engagement. It is important to see parents as equal partners in providing the best of care for their child. A child, and the family that he or she is part of, are a two-for-one package deal. We need to provide positive supports for families, just as we do for children. Developing positive relationships with family members is vital for being able to provide optimal care for every child in an early care and education program (Koralek, Nemeth, & Ramsey, 2019).

There are very few things that are more nerve-racking to the administrator of a child care center than an encounter with

an angry parent. There is no question about it, dealing with a disgruntled family member can be frustrating. You have many meetings with parents. Most of them are pleasant. However, a handful are not. Aggressive parents can be irritating. In fact, research suggests that administrators find dealing with an angry and demanding parent as challenging as dealing with a disruptive child. Some administrators go so far as to say that it is the most difficult part of their job (Bulotsky-Shearer et. al., 2012). Knowing how to deal with difficult family members should be part of every center director’s skill-set.

Parents are rightfully protective of their children, and as early care and education professionals we need to be sensitive to the parent’s perspective. Parents often feel overwhelmed, anxious, vulnerable and perhaps even guilty for not being able to provide “stay at home” care for their child. Even when your relationship with a parent is positive, sharing the care of a young child can stir up strong feelings. It is not uncommon for a parent to feel threatened when their child has grown fond of their caregiver. The parent might even worry that their child’s caregiver is better at parenting than they are (Kohn, 2018).

When parents feel a loss of control over other aspects of their personal lives, they feel helpless and sometimes take it out on the people who are caring for their children. All kinds of fac-tors play into how a parent will feel on any given day. There is no question about it, sometimes parents get angry over trivial matters. However, the best thing we can do is to listen to the parent and not respond to anger with anger. Sadly, some parents wait until a problem occurs before they get involved in what is happening at the child care center. The aggression that you might be observing is not about you, as a person. Parents just get caught-up in the stress of a situation they are not sure how to resolve. So, do not take it personally! It is not about you. It is about the parent feeling helpless (Harman et al., 2016).

Handling Difficult Moments with Demanding Families

by William Mosier and Ross Glen Chandler Nunamaker

Dr. William Mosier is a child development specialist, licensed independent marriage and family therapist, director of

research at the Lynda A. Cohen Center for the Study of Child Development and professor of child development in the School of Health Sciences at Istanbul Gelisim University in Istanbul, Turkey. Mosier is a professor emeritus with the

American College of Disability Analysts and a distinguished educator with Phi Delta Kappa. He is a retired U.S. Air Force Lt.

Colonel who served in the Bio-Medical Science Corps as an international health specialist participating in medical humanitarian and disaster relief missions throughout Latin America and Africa.

Ross Glen Chandler Nunamaker, who goes by Chad, is an Ohio-licensed teacher, holds bachelor’s and master’s degrees in

early childhood, and is a doctoral candidate with a concentration in early childhood education. He has served as a member of the Young Professionals Advisory Council at the National Association for the Education of Young

Children. Nunamaker is director of curriculum and kindergarten program lead for a high-quality early childhood

program; executive director, director of training and mental health at the Lynda A. Cohen Center for the Study of Child Development; communications manager for Southwest Ohio AEYC; and an adjunct faculty member at Wright State University. He teaches undergraduate and graduate courses on developmentally appropriate assessment, classroom management and positive child guidance, and child development.

William MosierExchange Leadership InitiativeExchangePress.com/leadership

Ross Glen Chandler NunamakerExchange Leadership InitiativeExchangePress.com/leadership



call (800) 221-2864.


It would be nice if parents and child care staff could always be on the same page and work together, cooperatively. However, occasionally, we are confronted with a parent who is making unreasonable demands. Just remember that beneath the angry facade is a family member who feels overwhelmed and is not sure how to handle their frustration. You can often avoid conflicts with parents if you address the issue from the parent’s point of view. Respect is contagious. Demonstrate unconditional respect to each family member and it will find its way back to you (Saunders, 2017).

Communicating with Angry Parents

So, how can we effectively communicate with family mem-bers who are acting aggressively? When tensions are high, it is valuable to take a deep breath and consider how to best diffuse a tense situation. Here are a few tips you might want to keep in mind when dealing with parents who are upset:

1. Meet with the parent face-to-face. Do not address the complaint long-distance. Parents may expect instant respons-es to email complaints. However, when you are attempting to resolve a parent’s concern, avoid addressing the concern by email or phone. Invite the parent to meet with you at the center. Eye contact is very powerful. Eye contact and a warm smile will help defuse an angry parent better than interaction over the phone, via texting or by email (Donohue, 2016).

2. Be open and hospitable with the parent. You can over-come a lot of communication obstacles by helping parents to feel welcome. Be proactive. Anticipate the problems that you think the parent will want to address. Do not patronize. Be authentic. Do not worry about trying to hold your ground. Problem-solving with a disgruntled parent is not a contest. It might be difficult to get a parent to slow down from their rushed schedule and that can hinder effective problem-solving. When you invite a parent to meet with you to address their concern, let them know they can bring their child with them to the meeting. Focus on the positive. Find things you can agree on. You are, truly, on the same team. Start the meet-ing by sharing something positive that you or other staff have noted about their child. Keep your focus on trying to do what is best for the child and her or his family (Edwards, 2018).

3. Listen attentively to the parent’s concern. Parents want to feel like they are being heard. They want to know how you are going to “fix” the problem they are bringing to you. Ask the parent to explain what they are unhappy about and do not interrupt! After they have expressed their complaint fully, ask questions, as needed, to get more clarity about the par-ent’s concern. Keep the focus on the family member’s feelings behind the words that are being expressed. Reflect, back to

the parent, what you think you are hearing him or her feel, behind the words. This will help diffuse the situation. When the family member feels listened to, they will tend to stop posturing in anger. Only once the emotional charge has been resolved, you can start to problem-solve the issue with the parent, not before (Mosier, 2009). Here is an example of how communicating empathic understanding can help you tackle a tense situation.

Parent: I got home with my child and saw that she had this terrible bruise on her leg. It looks like a bite! (Parent shows you, on her phone, a picture of the bruise.)

You: That is quite a bruise! It sounds like you were shocked to find that your child had this mark.

Parent: Yes! I could not believe it! Why was I not told about this?

You: You are frustrated that you were not told about the bruise. When an incident occurs that can cause this type of mark or bruise, you always want to know about it.

Parent: Yes, usually they tell me, so I am not sure what hap-pened this time.

You: So, you want to try and figure out what the issue was.

Parent: Right.

You: (At this point, you can start problem-solving. However, remember to re-engage empathic responses, if you see the parent’s anger reemerging.)

4. Throughout the process, pay attention to your own feelings. Staying in touch with your own feelings is vital when you are dealing with a parent who might be expressing a lot of anger. When you are not actively focused on your own feelings, you are at risk of being less able to help the angry parent calm down. Using three-part “I” statements can help you describe your own feelings. This will help you not add to the problem by responding to anger with anger. Use “I” mes-sages when the parent is beginning to become aggressive or abusive towards you. The template to use when forming an “I” statement is: “When I see you… or hear you say…” (identify the behavior that is bothering you); “I feel… (describe your feeling in response to the behavior that is bothering you); “so I…” (explain the action you are going to take because of the unacceptable behavior)” (Mosier, 2009). Here is an example.

Parent: You people just seem to not have any clue what you are doing. I cannot believe how idiotic you all are. You are just a bunch of morons!


You: When I hear you talking to me in an abusive way (unac-ceptable behavior), I feel so disrespected (your feelings about the other person’s behavior), I am going to have to ask you to leave, if you do not stop shouting, right now (the action you will take in response to the behavior).

5. Once the parent has finished expressing his or her frus-tration, you can move on to finding a workable solution to their concern. Ask for the parent’s perspective. Stay open to the parent continuing to express his or her feelings and beliefs about the situation. Ask questions to learn more about their frustration. Don’t pass judgment. Look for compromise. Develop a plan for solving the problem, as partners instead of competitors. Together with the parent, lay out specific steps to tackle the parent’s concern. Create a written action state-ment for solving the problem that includes objectives and ex-pectations. What can the two of you agree on? What can you both work on, together? Consider asking the parent to take a more active role in the center. Give them a voice and an op-portunity to show leadership. They may not have had a good experience in school when they were younger. So, they might be defensive about an educational setting. It is important to remember that mutually respectful relationships are far more effective at garnering cooperation than rigid rules (Koralek, Nemeth, & Ramsey, 2019).

6. It is understandable that, occasionally, parents will get angry, but it is not okay for them to be abusive with you or any staff member. Do not allow yourself to be pressured into agreeing with something that you cannot accept. Have a copy of your program policies and procedures related to how to handle disputes available for the parent to review and sign. This can help avoid future conflict and confusion. If a parent threatens you or becomes abusive, simply end the meeting. Do not tolerate abuse. There is no reason to allow a parent to bully you (Lally & Mangione, 2017).

If despite your best efforts, the conversation deteriorates without a satisfactory resolution, do not take it personally. This is easier said than done. However, after the parent has left, do not hold on to your pain and frustration. Talk it out with someone you trust—maybe your spouse or a colleague. Even cry about it, if you need to. Then, let it go. Remember the Serenity Prayer: Seek the inner peace to accept the things you cannot change in life, the courage to change the things you can change, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Difficult moments with demanding families are going to occur occasionally, whether we like it or not. It is a fact of life when you dedicate yourself to working with young children and their families. The key strategies for handling difficult moments with demanding families are to build positive rela-

tionships, listen and empathize, problem-solve once charged emotions have been addressed, and not take the difficult mo-ments personally. Luckily, these approaches are skills that can be developed and refined over time. While you may initially feel like those moments are overwhelming, as you develop skill at handling difficult moments, you will begin to feel more confident with being able to handle these types of stress-inducing encounters with ease (Edwards, 2018).

References

Bulotsky-Shearer, R., Wen, X., Faria, A., Hahs-Vaughn, D., & Korfmacher, J. (2012). National profiles of classroom quality and family involvement: A multilevel examination of proximal influences on Head Start children’s school readiness. Early Childhood Research Quarterly, 27(1), 627-639.

Donohue, C., ed. (2016). Family engagement in the digital age: Early childhood educators as media mentors. New York: Rout-ledge.

Edwards, N. (2018). Family feedback and programmatic decision-making: Responsiveness of early childhood adminis-trators. Early Childhood Education Journal, 46(4), 397-407.

Harman, J.J., Biringen, Z., Ratajack, E. M., Outland, P. L., & Kraus, A. (2016). Parents behaving badly: Gender biases in the perception of parental alienating behaviors. Journal of Family Psychology, 30(7), 866-874.

Kohn, A. (2018). Punished by rewards: The trouble with gold stars, incentive plans, A’s, praise, and other bribes (3rd Edition). Boston: Houghton Mifflin.

Koralek, D., Nemeth, K., & Ramsey, K. (2019). Families & educa-tors together: Building great relationships that support young children. Washington, D.C.: NAEYC.

Lally, J., & Mangione, P. (2017). Caring relationships: The heart of early brain development. Young Children, 72(2), 17-24.

Mosier, W. (2009). Developmentally appropriate child guid-ance: Helping children gain self-control. Texas Child Care Quarterly, 32(4), 2-7.

Saunders, J. (2017). March DaDness: Engaging fathers. Teach-ing Young Children, 10(3), 29-30.

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50PEOPLE MANAGEMENT EXCHANGE NOVEMBER/DECEMBER … · the deep underlying reasons and motivations grounded in personal values and beliefs that are behind a coachee’s behav-