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5 Quick Hacks to Avoid Awkward Conversations By: Katrina Razavi

http://communicationfornerds.com/

 

 

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Welcome It seems like just yesterday I was the shy introvert standing on the perimeter of a huge networking event alone, drink in hand, hoping someone would strike up a conversation with me. I felt scared, insecure and totally reliant on someone else to take action so I didn’t look like a loner. Have you ever felt this way? It was a tough time for me, but I worked really hard to improve my social skills. After a few months, I did! It helped me start a business, raise capital, and create a great network of friends and professionals. So trust me, there’s hope! My wish is to share the hard lessons I learned, so you can improve your own social and communication skills. There will be times when you feel scared and uncomfortable, but use these tactics to prepare yourself to socialize. You want every tool available to express your true self. You will learn scientific, mental and physical ways to change your mood and hack your way into an easier conversation. Let me be upfront, transforming your social skills takes a lot of time and practice. It takes months, even years of practice on yourself and with other people to truly excel. Let’s take the journey together! I’ll be posting more detailed information on communicationfornerds.com to guide you down this path. In the meantime, let’s get started with some action items to start achieving small wins that will propel you towards even more success!

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The Social Skills Check List Mental: 1. ☐ Power Posing- hack your way to confidence in 2 minutes Physical: 2. � Smiling- get others to like you via the reciprocity effect 3. � H Stance- to look and feel confident 4. � Eye contact- and how to practice it Verbal: 5. � FORD Technique- the 80/20 rule for open-ended conversations 6. � SBS Stop Being Selfish Tactic- get out of your head

What does all this mean? Let’s dive in on each of these points and how you can take action!

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MENTAL You have already taken the most important step: you have recognized this as an area of weakness that you want to actively work on. Congrats! Social skills are mainly a function of your confidence. Many of us are polluting our minds with negative self-talk that increases worry and exacerbates negative feelings. How can you be a great listener and conversationalist when you’re too busy worrying about what others are thinking? You have to work on your mental habits. I purposely excluded this from the checklist because it’s not a quick fix. Changing your mental habits takes time, commitment, and a lot of energy. It’s something I address on the blog and we’ll continue to work through this. For now, we are simply looking for some quick, small wins to encourage us to continue improving our social skills. Before walking into that social event you may start to feel some fear, your heart starts racing, your palms may get a bit sweaty and you start to hear voices in your head putting you down. We’re going to relieve some of those feelings. Here’s a hack that has been scientifically proven to boost your happiness and reduce your stress…

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Tip #1: 2 minutes of power posing Studies have shown1 that power posing for only 2 minutes can boost endorphins (happiness hormone) and lower cortisol (stress hormone) levels in your brain. This will make you feel more confident and relaxed. So find a bathroom stall and get into these power poses before heading into social situations or job interviews. Not only does power posing change your self-perception, but it also changes how you are perceived. This is a simple hack anyone can do almost anywhere. Here are the exact power poses they used in the study. Try them on!

                                                                                                               1  http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are?language=en  

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PHYSICAL Research has shown that your body language changes chemical levels in your brain, it affects how you feel and it also affects how you are perceived. Another important aspect of body language is your facial expressions. Tip #2: Smile Just like power posing, smiling increases endorphins (the happy hormone) and lowers cortisol (the stress hormone), so changing your physiology can change how you feel emotionally. Studies have also shown that body language plays a very important role in how we are perceived by others. In real life this happens all the time. Would you rather approach someone who’s looking down with hunched shoulders or someone who’s smiling with their chin up looking in your eyes? This is called the “reciprocity effect,” we tend to be friendly to those who are friendly to us.2 So if you’re smiling at someone and looking up, people will perceive that you like them and will find you more approachable. In another study3 at Webster University, they found that regardless of physical looks “women who held a direct gaze and smiled were approached by men more often.” I personally tried this myself and this was the best hack to strike up conversations or have people approach me at networking events. It seems cheesy, but having productive conversations after you smile positively reinforces you, and hopefully you turn it into a habit. I now find myself smiling at people all the time! It makes me feel good and them as well. Just like yawning, smiling has scientifically been shown to be contagious making those around you feel good too!

                                                                                                               2  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reciprocity_%28social_psychology%29  3  http://www.thedatereport.com/dating/science/2168-­‐science-­‐explains-­‐why-­‐confidence-­‐scores-­‐you-­‐dates/  

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Tip #3: Be an “H” not an “X” While you’re socializing or standing, keep your body open, this means no crossing of the arms or legs. You are an “H” not an “X." Your chest and shoulders are open and your head is up. Your legs are hips widths’ distance so you’re taking up some space and make sure you’re standing towards them with about 2 feet of distance between you and the other person. Standing with your toes facing them shows that you’re engaged in the conversation and focusing on them. Keeping your head up will naturally allow for eye contact, which is key. Establishing eye contact with someone is also a great way to catch their attention to approach them or send the signal that you’re open to being approached. This is hard to do if you’re new to this. My best suggestion would be to practice on strangers walking down the street. Can you hold someone’s gaze for just 5 seconds on the walk home?

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VERBAL Dread those awkward conversations? We all do. Here’s how you go from an awkward conversation to having a normal one without having to do much talking. Tip #4: Talk about them All this requires is asking a few open-ended questions to get them talking and contributing a few things yourself when you find a connection. Remember the reciprocity effect? Being friendly and upbeat to others will increase the likelihood of them reciprocating that vibe. FORD technique- Use this small talk hack to think of asking some open-ended questions.

• Family- Where’s your family from? Where did you grow up? • Occupation- Where do you work? Do you like it there? • Recreation- What do you do for fun? How’d you get into it? • Dreams- What’s your passion in life?

Here are some extra scripts to get started asking about them:

• Hi there, I’m Katrina I work as an engineer for X Company what do you do? • Hi I’m Katrina, have you attended one of these events before? • Hi I’m Katrina, Susan invited me to this event. How did you hear about the event? • Hi, I’m Katrina, I really like your shoes! I haven’t seen those before, are you a runner?

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Tip #5: SBS Tactic. Stop being selfish During your conversation it’s important to get out of your own head. Stop being selfish instead of focusing on yourself; focus on the other person’s words. Stop thinking about what they think of you, what you look like, why you’re here and focus on what they’re saying. This will help you feel more engaged in the conversation, get out of your own head, and will distract you from dwelling on unfounded assumptions. Again, this comes with building positive mental habits but it’s definitely worth a shot now. Conclusion I hope some of these hacks help quell your nerves, boost your confidence and lead to more natural conversations. Remember, it’s all about getting some small wins under your belt so you can keep on improving your communication skills!