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©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 1
THE UNSUNG POTENTIAL OF WEAKNESS
Gray [email protected]
Cannexus 13
Ottawa, Jan. 28, 2013
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 2
WEAKNESSES
are like underwear
we all have them, but
most of us prefer not to expose them
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 3
THE UNSUNG POTENTIAL OF WEAKNESS
?WHY
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 4
repeated voices
of predicted failure
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 5
repeated voices
that raise questions
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 6
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 7
Who says something is a strength or a weakness?
If a strength can become a weakness, why can’t a weakness, become a
strength?
How do we know how far anyone is really capable of going?
What about the stories of “successful” people
who were told they would fail?
How do we balance realism with hope?
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 8
“You’re never going to succeed with grades like
these!”
Assumptions? Impact?
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 9
A Journey of Hope
THE UNSUNG POTENTIAL OF WEAKNESS
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 10
Balance & Wholeness
THE UNSUNG POTENTIAL OF WEAKNESS
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 11
needs
deficits
problems
weaknesses
Dysfunctional-focused
counsellingpositives
capacities
successes
strengths
Strength-basedcounselling
balance
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 12
Dysfunctional-focused
counselling
Strength-basedcounselling
balanceneeds
deficits
problems
weaknesses
positives
capacities
successes
strengths
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 13
needs
deficits
problems
weaknesses
positives
capacities
successes
strengths
Dysfunctional-focused
counselling
Strength-basedcounselling
over-correction
IGNORE FOCUS ON
danger
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 14
Dysfunctional-focused
counselling
Strength-basedcounselling
balance
the whole person
needs
deficits
problems
weaknesses
positives
capacities
successes
strengths
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 15
Perspective
THE UNSUNG POTENTIAL OF WEAKNESS
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 16
Weakness is a messy word
Weakness
vague, imprecise, subjective
can mean all kinds of things,depending on context
easily misused
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 17
weakness: adj: American Heritage® Dictionary
of the English Language1. Lacking physical strength, energy, or vigor; feeble.
2. Likely to fail under pressure, stress, or strain; lacking resistance: a weak link in a chain.
3. Lacking firmness of character or strength of will.
4. Lacking the proper strength or amount of ingredients: weak coffee.
5. Lacking the ability to function normally or fully: a weak heart.
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 18
6. Lacking aptitude or skill: a weak student; weak in math.
7. Lacking or resulting from a lack of intelligence.
8. Lacking persuasiveness; unconvincing: a weak argument.
9. Lacking authority or the power to govern.
10. Lacking potency or intensity: weak sunlight.
weakness: adj: American Heritage® Dictionary
of the English Language
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 19
a continuum
weakness
strength
Determining
strengths and weaknesses
is not as black-and-white
as it sounds.
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 20
a continuumperspecti
ve
weakness
strength
relative( )What?
Who?
Why?
When? Where?
How?
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 21
a continuum
weakness
strength
Describe a characteristic that you have that could be considered a weakness by some but, from another perspective, could be considered a strength.
strength
weakness
perspective
relative( )
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 22
bad
good
a continuum
failure
success
limitations
possibilities
weakness
strength
perspective
relative( )
Weakness can be confused with dysfunctional
Relationship with other concepts?
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 23
weakness: www.urbandictionary.com
To be weak,
stupid,
lame,
cowardly,
bore,
and all the other URBAN language you got
for a loser
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 24
a continuum
weakness
strength
Danger: Weakness becomes a
labelLabels can exacerbate
things,can add insult to injury
and they can stick
perspective
relative( )
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 25
a continuum
weakness
strength
Danger: Catastrophizingan irrational thought
a lot of us have in believing that something is far worse
than it actually is.- John M. Grohol,
perspective
relative( )
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 26
a continuum
weakness
strength
Danger: Catastrophizinglooking to the future
and anticipating all the things that are going to go
wrong; then creating a realityaround those thoughts
- John M. Grohol,
perspective
relative( )
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 27
a continuum
weakness
strength
Double Danger:a catastrophizing
labelmay become
more of a factor in failure
than the weakness itself
perspective
relative( )
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 28
a continuum
weakness
strength
Double Danger:a catastrophizing label
People may give up too early, without trying
because they don’t think they can succeed
with their weaknesses
perspective
relative( )
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 29
Potential
weakness
strength
perspective
relative( )su
cces
sfa
ilure
But what if this very perspective
is part of the problem?But what if it blinds to
the potential of weakness?
But what if weakness does not inevitably doom
people to failure?
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 30
What if this perspective is like the proverbial straw on the camel’s
back.
weakness
strength
succ
es
sfa
ilure
POTENTIAL
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 31
a continuum
failure
success
limitations
possibilities
weakness
strength
perspective
relative( )
bad
good
What if these were not the same?
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 32
a continuum
failure
success
limitations
possibilities
weakness
strength
perspective
relative( )
bad
good
What if there was different ways to view these?
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 33
Potential
But what if my weaknesses are just as much a part of me as my strengths?
perspective
relative( )
"Which contributes more to the area
of a rectangle, its height or its width?"
weakness
strengthsu
cces
sfa
ilure
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 34
stre
ngt
h
weakn
ess
low
high
Potentialperspecti
ve
relative( )
weakness
strengthsu
cces
sfa
ilure
What if strengths and weaknesses are not automatically linked to high or low?
What if different levels only suggest different possibilities/limitationsWhat if both strength and weakness have the potential to succeed or fail?
What is a “skill?”
SKILL“strength, good at”
NOSKILL
SKILL“something you do”
HOPELESS
HOPE-FILLED
@2012, Gray Poehnell Guiding Circles 35
“How well?”
“Who needs this at this level?”
SKILL MELODYall the skills synergize to make a whole
@2012, Gray Poehnell Guiding Circles 36
SKILL MELODYtake away any and the melody is lost
@2012, Gray Poehnell Guiding Circles 37
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 38
stre
ngt
h
weakn
ess
Potentialperspecti
ve
relative( )
low
high
What if it’s not just what we havebut what we do with what we have.
What if it’s not just what happens to us but
how we respond to what happens to us.
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 39
Potential
Other factors besides strength/weakness that might
influence success/failure.
perspective
relative( )
• motivation
• resiliency
• optimism
• chaos/uncertainty
• external circumstances
• happenstance
stre
ngt
h
weakn
ess
low
high
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 40
Potentialperspecti
ve
relative( )st
ren
gt
h
weakn
ess
low
high
encourage/challenge/caution
withoutcatastrophizing
with hope
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 41
Potentialperspecti
ve
relative( )st
ren
gt
h
weakn
ess
low
high
If we take this perspective,
what other potential
might we value in weakness
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 42
Time & Growth
THE UNSUNG POTENTIAL OF WEAKNESS
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 43
Potentialperspecti
ve
relative( )st
ren
gt
h
weakn
ess
low
high
Not all develop at the same rate or in the same way.
Be careful how you weed out people; they may be late
bloomers.
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 44
Acceptance
THE UNSUNG POTENTIAL OF WEAKNESS
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 45
Potentialperspecti
ve
relative( )st
ren
gt
h
weakn
ess
low
highFact: my life has
strengths & weaknessespossibilities &
limitations.Aware
Accept
Adapt
Advance
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 46
Potentialperspecti
ve
relative( )st
ren
gt
h
weakn
ess
low
high
Acceptance of all of me can help
with self-esteem,
in avoiding the fear and stress
that comes from perfectionism
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 47
Humility & Empathy
THE UNSUNG POTENTIAL OF WEAKNESS
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 48
Potentialperspecti
ve
relative( )st
ren
gt
h
weakn
ess
low
high
An honest, humble acceptance of myself
with all my strengths and weaknesses can help in
empathizing with other’s strengths and
weaknesses.
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 49
Opportunity for Creativity
THE UNSUNG POTENTIAL OF WEAKNESS
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 50
Potentialperspecti
ve
relative( )st
ren
gt
h
weakn
ess
low
high
Acceptance of weaknesses and
limitations can be the catalyst for
creativity along previously unknown
paths.
©2013, Gray Poehnell The Unsung Potential of Weakness 51
THE UNSUNG POTENTIAL OF WEAKNESS
stre
ngt
h
weakn
ess
low
high
Balance & Wholeness
Hope
PerspectiveAcceptanceHumility & Empathy
Opportunity for Creativity