06 Conflict Management and Problem Solving

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MODULE SIXConflict management andproblem solvingContents

Understanding anger

Responding to difficult behaviour

Managing conflict

Solving problems

Overview

This module will give participants skills for dealing with some of the difficult issues young people

experience and the behaviours they might present, such as anger and aggression.

articipants are encouraged to be better prepared to support young people by learning strategiesto deal with these behaviours, such as managing conflict and solving problems.

Duration

This module is designed to be completed in !" to #$ minutes.

Learning outcomes

%y the end of this session participants will have a greater understanding of some of the difficult

emotions experienced by young people, and the expression of those emotions through behaviours

that may be encountered within the mentoring relationship. articipants will have the strategies and

techni&ues to deal with these situations.

Resources

'andout (.) * 'ow we express anger

'andout (.+ * Managing difficult behaviour

'andout (. * Managing conflict

'andout (.- * roblem solving

Module Six:Conflict management and problem solving )


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Running seet

!opic "ctivit# Duration

$appro%&'

Overview This module will give participants skills for dealing

with some of the difficult issues young people

experience and the behaviours they might present,

such as anger and aggression.

articipants are encouraged to be better preparedto support young people by learning strategies to

deal with these behaviours, such as managing

conflict and solving problems.

+ mins

Understanding

anger

xplain that the key to dealing with difficult

behaviour is to understand the reason behind it.

/efine passive, aggressive, indirect and

assertive behaviours 0'andout (.)1

Refer participants to 'andout -.) for more detail

on these behaviours

)$ mins

)$ mins

Responding to

difficult beaviour

(rainstorm session)Sometimes mentors have

to manage a young person2s anger and the

difficult behaviour associated with it. 3hat are

some of the ways you would respond to a young

person displaying anger4

5cknowledge responses and highlight other

ideas on 6Managing difficult behaviour2 0'andout

(.+1

)" mins

7)" mins8

Module Six:Conflict management and problem solving +

Activity: Understanding anger

5sk participants to write the names of five people

they know and identify how these people deal

with uncomfortable situations and9or conflict 0i.e.

are they passive, aggressive, indirect or

assertive41

[Optional] Activity: Difficult behaviour role

play

/ivide participants into pairs and use the

following statements in a role*play scenario.

Suggest participants use the strategies detailed

above in their responses. 0!ctivity continued next

page1

0!ctivity continued1

6This sucks. : hate doing this stuff. ;ou2re so

boring


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"#$ mins%

Managing conflict (rainstorm session)3hat are some of the

advantages and disadvantages of conflict4

'ighlight any additional advantages and

disadvantages from the handout. Review the

formula for managing conflict 0'andout (.1

)" mins

*roblem solving :ntroduce the problem*solving model 0'andout

(.-1

" mins

+$ mins

Module Six:Conflict management and problem solving

Activity: Managing conflict and problem

solving

This activity aims to provide an opportunity to

put into action learnings from the conflict*

resolution and problem*solving handouts.

/ivide participants into pairs to role play

problem*solving scenarios using the followingcase study. =ne participant is the young person

and the other the mentor.

0>%? this activity could be done as a brainstorm

session if participants struggle with role plays1.

ncourage participants to use the conflict*

resolution and problem*solving handouts to

assist them.

0!ctivity continued next page&

0!ctivity continued1

Case stud#)!mina is #' years old and came to

!ustralia from Somalia #( months ago. She lives

with her mother and three younger brothers in a

housing estate flat.

)ne day her mentor meets up with !mina, who

is very upset. She says that she and a friend got

matching tattoos at the weekend and that her

mother is very angry and wants her to leave

home.

!mina doesn*t want to leave, and really wants

her mum to understand that she lives in !ustralia

now and that things are different here. She asks

her mentor what she should do.

[Optional] Activity: Difficult behaviour in

Groups

:f your mentoring program involves group

activities, ask participant to discuss or role play

what they might do if two young people begin

arguing.


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Module Six:Conflict management and problem solving -


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'5>/=UT (.)

'ow we express anger

+e ma# feel angr# wen)

our rights have possibly been violated

we are threatened with loss

we feel powerless and not respected

Many people, including young people, are angry because they feel used or

pushed around. 5nger has a real purpose in our lives but needs to be managed,

not ignored.

3hen you experience anger, your body goes into a fight*or*flight response@ that

is, you want to attack or run away. 5nger can be expressed through the following

behaviours.

*assive beaviour

Some people escape by being passive. They ignore their rights or allow others to violate them. They don2t

express their needs, feeling and ideas. They allow others to choose or make decisions for them. Many

people become resentful or angry with themselves.

assive behaviour reduces self*esteem and is less likely to earn the respect of others. :t may invite others to

exploit or bully the person who is displaying passive behaviour.

"ggressive beaviour

5ggressive behaviour can be triggered by extreme anger or anxiety. 5 person may be standing up for their

rights, but in doing so they attack others, violate others2 rights, or force decisions on them.

Aollowing aggressive behaviour, a person may experience guilt about dominating or humiliating another

person, and the aggressor2s self*respect diminishes. Bonstant aggressive behaviour leads to ineffective

relationships.

"ssertive beaviour

5ssertive people stand up for their rights without attacking or violating others2 rights. They make choices and

decisions and give others the same right. 'ealthy self*assertion does not mean forcing opinions or decisions

on others, or vice versa. 'aving been assertive, people feel calmer and their self*respect and confidence

grow.)

15dapted from M)+! Mentor Training Manual, Moorabbin, Cictoria? South /irections ;outh Service.

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'5>/=UT (.+

Managing difficult

behaviour

Sometimes mentors have to manage anger and the difficult behaviours associated with it. 5nger may be self*

directed or expressed towards a particular person or the world in general.

Responding to difficult beaviour

:n inflamed and emotive situations how things are perceived may be temporarily distorted because thoughts

are highly charged. :n these situations it is useful to take a deep breath and try to stay calm so that problems

can be addressed in a way that protects the relationship.

Using a calm tone of voice and Dust being 6ordinary2 can help relax people. 6Eet2s go get a coffee and

talk about this.2

5 calm, assertive statement about listening and trying to find an answer to the problem is a good way

to go. 6Tell me what the problem is. Maybe together we can find a solution.2

Mentors should try not to take the anger personally 0even if it is personal1, and should stick with 6:*

messages2 and low*key language 0see examples below1.

Mentors should keep the focus on the issue and not be sidetracked.

Mentors should not try to change the young person2s mind by arguing or debating F a person who is

angry is less likely to respond to logic or reason.

,ow to ma-e tings worse Briticise or insult people with 6you*messages2. 6;ou2re being really silly about this.2

Try to make them feel guilty. 6;ou2re not the only person who has rights here.2

:nsist on the supremacy of logical argument. 6/on2t you realise that ...42

:nterrogation. 6/id that really happen4 5re you sure42

mpty reassurance. 6:2m sure it2s not as bad as you think.2

:nappropriate humour. 6Guess who got out of the bed on the wrong side


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Summing up

The ability to not take on other people2s issues enables mentors to step back from difficult behaviour. :t

allows them to see the behaviour for what it really is, while assisting the other person to understand their own

behaviour.

The young person may be exploring their values and might experience some conflict while sorting this out.

5n important way the mentor can assist is to negotiate with the young person about how they will treat each

other, and to keep consistent expectations about behaviour within the mentoring relationship.

.oung people need to -now tat tere are)

clear and fair expectations, and definite limits about acceptable behaviour

conse&uences for inappropriate behaviours

sometimes disagreements within relationships, which also provide opportunities for understanding and

honesty without hostility.

Using I/messages instead of #ou/messages

;ou*messages are likely to inflame a situation because they are generally hostile, threatening or hang an

unflattering label on the other person.

:*messages are about owning your feelings and being assertive when describing them, without seeking toharm the other person.

Youmessage !message

63hat you said about me to H was pretty

nasty. ;ou2re a low scumbag.2

6: don2t like things being said about me behind

my back. :t doesn2t make either of us look

good. lease don2t do that again.2

6;ou never let me do anything for myself.

;ou2re a real control*freak.2

6: want to be able to do it myself. :f : get it

wrong, so what4 eople learn by making

mistakes.2+

25dapted from M)+! Mentor Training Manual, Moorabbin, Cictoria? South /irections ;outh Service.

Module Six:Conflict management and problem solving !


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'5>/=UT (.Managing conflict

Bonflict is usually about values, beliefs and needs and may occur when people have opposing interests or

opinions. %ehaviours resulting from conflict may include arguments, fights or disagreements that may be

verbal or physical.

Aormal conflict resolution is a skill for trained counsellors, but everyone can learn to manage conflict by

practising a few personal skills.

"dvantages of conflict)

brings about change

presents an opportunity to learn

encourages a person to do better

helps people to see and understand differences

helps people to become more flexible

clears the air and helps people to move on.

Disadvantages of conflict)

people can become hurt

people can become angry

people can become confused

it can be scary

it can stop people taking risks.

" formula for mentors managing conflict0

"tep #: $reat the person %ith respect

I 5ddress the behaviour, not the person.

I Use appropriate language. /on2t swear.

I /on2t dismiss their concerns.

"tep &: 'isten until you e(perience the other side

I The goal is to understand the other person2s thoughts and ideas.

I Understand content. 3hat meaning do you think it has for them4

I 3hat feelings do you think they are experiencing4

"tep ): "tate your feelings* needs and vie%s briefly

I State your point of view.

I 5void loaded &uestions.

I Say what you mean and mean what you say.

I /isclose your feelings.

"tep +: Move on to problem solving if re,uired

3%olton, R., )#J(. eople Skills: -ow to !ssert ourself, /isten to )thers, and esolve Conflicts, Alorida? Touchstone%ooks.

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'5>/=UT (.-

roblem solving

Some young people can have limited problem*solving skills. Mentors can use the following model to solve

problems with young people and to help them to improve their problem*solving skills.

Define te problem

%egin with wants. 3hat does the young person want4 :f it2s a big problem, it may need to be broken down

into sub*problems that can be looked at one at a time.

(rainstorm possible solutions

Bome up with as many solutions as possible, without criticism or evaluation of the suggestions. To relievetension a mentor might throw in some deliberately silly solutions, if they feel the young person would be

comfortable with this.

Evaluate te possibilities

Go down the list of solutions, noting the pros and cons and the probable conse&uences of each one. 3rite

them down if it helps.

Select te solution

xplore whether one solution emerges as the best option. /oes one clearly have

more pros4

#- .lan the solution

xplore who will do what and by when. 5re there resources needed4 3ho will get

them and how4

&- !mplement the plan

/o it. :f it works, great. :f it doesn2t, figure out why, and start back at whichever

step you need to.-

Case stud#

5mina is )# years old and came to 5ustralia from Somalia )J months ago. She lives with her mother and

three younger brothers in a housing estate flat. =ne day you meet up with 5mina and she is very upset. She

tells you that she and a friend got matching tattoos at the weekend and that her mother is very angry and

wants her to leave home. 5mina doesn2t want to leave, and really wants her mum to understand that she

lives in 5ustralia now and that things are different here. She asks you what she should do.

45dapted from the 6Gippsland Mentoring 5lliance Training ackage2, Trafalgar, C:B? Gippsland Mentoring 5lliance.

Module Six:Conflict management and problem solving #

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06 Conflict Management and Problem Solving