· Web viewShe’ll see…what she can do. That’s all we can ask, isn’t it? That’s the kind of cooperative spirit we could ALL use, isn’t it? Adam: (Entering) Uh-huh. I get

Act TwoScene One

An outdoor festival is being held in town. It is an environmentalist celebration, with many “hippie,” types milling around. There are several booths, with volunteers passing out environmental literature.

Song: a groovy, earth-loving song

Bernie and Neha enter during the song. Bernie joins in, seeming to love the atmosphere. Neha is confused.

Neha: I don’t get it, Bernie. Where’s the recycling plant?

Bernie: I told you we were making a detour.

Neha: You did?

Bernie: Yes, I told you about the “Green Means Clean” rally. Remember. I was saying this is one of the biggest events in---

Neha: Yeah, well, I wasn’t really listening. (To herself, kind of) Don’t really care.

Bernie: I know, you have a lot on your mind. But isn’t this great? Just look at all these people who really want to make the earth a better place.

Neha: (Looking around) Ok, who are those people over there? Looks like they’ve got a lot of junk.

Bernie: That’s not junk. They collect used plastic bottles for refurbishing and retro-functioning!

Neha: Re-furbish and re-what?

Bernie: They collect used plastic bottles and use them to create functional, environmentally clean devices. The guy who started that group built a boat out of old plastic bottles and sailed it across the ocean!

Neha: (Surprised, kind of disgusted) No!

Bernie: Yes! There’s so much that can be done with---

Neha: All those bottles…they’re really valuable to us.

Bernie: I know! Re-using plastic is so much better than putting them through the recycling process.

Written by Joe O’Brien. All rights reserved. Do not copy without permission.

Neha: We need more of those, not less.

Bernie: (Not really listening) More of those kinds of ideas. I know, that’s why I brought you here! I knew you’d love it!

Neha: This is a…real…smem-plop-sifer.

Bernie and Neha sing: “Recycle My Heart”

Bernie: That’s exactly what I was…wait, what?

Neha: All these people are trying not to recycle?

Bernie: Well most of them. I mean recycling is fine, but it’s not enough. We need to reduce and reuse. The recycling plants can’t handle it all. Plus they have to burn fossil fuels just to drive the recycling machinery.

Neha: But Mayor McGuffin? She’s got it all figured out. Her recycling plant is, you know, it’s lit!

Bernie: It’s a sham!

Neha: A what? If you’re saying that you don’t believe in Mayor McGuffin...(she enters, as if on cue)…Mayor McGuffin! Nice to see you.

McGuffin: Excuse us a minute, Bernie. (to Neha; pulling her aside) I need to talk to you.

Neha: You need to talk to him! He’s on to you. You’ve got to get him, and all these people, to stop with this reduce, reuse---

McGuffin: Your boss is planning an attack!

Neha: Dangit! I knew he was going to do that.

McGuffin: You knew it?

Neha: Well not really, but c’mon. Couldn’t we all figure out that this was ending in some kind of massive fight scene?

McGuffin: No. I couldn’t figure that out at all.

Neha: Then you just don’t know how these things work. They end with a fight scene.

McGuffin: But I don’t want a fight scene! I want peace, and prosperity, and...re-election in a landslide.


Neha: Well that’s not very exciting, is it? Look, I like you….sort of. And poor Bernie over there…I get it. He’s smart, he’s cute. You people down here…you’re not so bad.

McGuffin: Well gee, thanks.

Neha: I’ll talk to the big guy. But it doesn’t look good.

McGuffin: Why not?

Neha: You’ve got what we need. We can come down here and take it from you using extreme force. Not that hard to figure out!

McGuffin: Well can’t you do something?

Neha: I’ll see what I can do.

They continue their conversation as...

Narrator: She’ll see what she can do. (Slowly, as if of grave importance.) She’ll see…what she can do. That’s all we can ask, isn’t it? That’s the kind of cooperative spirit we could ALL use, isn’t it?

Adam: (Entering) Uh-huh. I get it. They get it. Cooperative spirit. Well it takes two to cooperate.

Narrator: Well that’s a profound insight!

Adam: Oh be quiet—

Narrator: (sarcastic) You mean one person can’t cooperate with himself? Who knew?

Adam: You know what I’m trying to say.

Narrator: No I don’t. Why don’t you just come out and say it.

They continue to argue as lights rise again on the main stage.

Scene Two

Forestage. Neha crosses, looking around nervously. Bernie runs on after her.

Bernie: Neha, there you are. I’ve been looking all over for you.

Neha: I, uh, had to call my boss.


Bernie: Listen, I know we’ve only known each other for a short time, but we have so much in common. We’re just on the same page, you know what I mean? I feel like we’re already that couple that can finish each other’s---

Neha: I’m an alien from a distant planet and our supreme commander has ordered a massive attack on Earth.

Bernie: Wow, I did not see that coming.

Neha: Oh Bernie. Poor kid. You didn’t really think I cared about how you recycle your waste products, did you?

Bernie: Of course I did! Who doesn’t care what happens to our planet?

Neha: Your planet, Bernie. This isn’t my planet.

Bernie: That’s so depressing. And weird.

Neha: Besides we’ve known each other for like, four minutes.

Bernie: I know, but somehow it feels like we’ve been through so much, doesn’t it?

Neha: Actually, it kind of does.

Bernie: Hey, you’re not talking all weird any more.

Neha: What do you mean?

Bernie: You know, all that corny stuff. “Swag” and “boul” and “three hunna.”

Neha: Huh. I guess you’re right. I guess I have sort of…changed.

Bernie: And maybe I’ve changed too. Maybe we could learn to…(says the next lines with Neha)

Bernie and Neha: …live together despite our differences?

Neha: Do you think it could work?

Bernie: It just might.

Bernie and Neha sing: “Recycle My Heart” reprise

As the song ends, Adam and Narrator continue their fight.

Adam: I’m trying to say that the crew refuses to do a new play!

Narrator: Well they can’t refuse. This one is great. We’re doing a new one.


Adam: We’re doing a classic!

Narrator: No, we’re doing a new one.

Adam: Classic.

Narrator: New one.

Adam: Classic.

Another stagehand, Shannon, approaches.

Shannon: Hey boss.

Narrator: New one.

Adam: Classic.

Narrator: New one.

Shannon: Excuse me? Narrator dude?

Adam: Classic.

Narrator: New one.

Shannon: Hey! (They stop arguing.) Look.

Looking at the main stage, they see a happy, peaceful gathering. The environmental rally has turned into a sort of wholesome county fair. People look happy. Lights are up and full. Music plays a pleasing, slightly western sounding song, “County Fair.”

Narrator: Why that’s a lovely scene, isn’t it?

Adam: It sure is. And look, they’ve all…joined in.

Narrator: There’s Neha! And Bernie.

Adam: They look so happy. And they’re talking to the others.

Narrator: They sure are. There’s Daphne, the Queen Bee. But she looks so kind now.

Adam: And Mayor McGuffin. She’s just a contented county official. Not a care in the world.

“County Fair” music plays a bit louder.


Shannon: You two just enjoy this number. I best get back and help the crew. They love this song. (She starts to exit.) Oh and…the actors do too. (Exits.)

The company sings most of “County Fair.” Then there is a musical interlude.

Narrator: It really is beautiful, isn’t?

Adam: Sure is. Would you like to…join in?

Narrator: Oh no. No, I could never.

Adam: Sure you can. It’s ok. We don’t need to have these divisions. We can all join together…as one.

They cross into the scene. The music has slowed way down. Dancers dance as if in a dream. Narrator and Adam walk throughout, basking in the happiness. The music picks up, they join in the dance, and all sing through to the end of the song.

Scene Three

When the song ends, all are happy. Bernie and Neha move down center. They hold hands. Stage Manager and Narrator meet them. They are warm and friendly to each other. However, creeping around conspicuously in the background, we notice MRS. KRALL quietly stirring up some trouble.

Adam: Well. Looks like we’ve solved all our problem.

Narrator: Yes it does. It looks as though we’ve tied up every loose end.

Bernie: It’s just about perfect, isn’t it? We can all just live happily ever after. (He takes Neha’s hand again.)

Neha: Um...I’m not really sure we’ve tied up ALL the---

Narrator: Although….

Adam: Yes, I see what you’re saying. (Checking watch.) This second act seems kind of short.

Neha: But guys, I’m trying to tell you---

Narrator: I better check. Where’s that script you gave me?

Adam: I brought it back stage. (They start to exit) You were doing so great I didn’t think you needed it.


Narrator: Yes, I was really “slaying it” wasn’t I?

Bernie: Call me crazy, but i think those two might just---

Neha: Ah, Bernie...don’t you remember what I was telling you?

Bernie: About what?

Neha: You know, about that whole attack---

Bernie: Oh! You mean about how we can “live together despite our---

Neha: No, not that. Not that at all. We have to talk about the attack---

Mrs. Krall bursts in between them. She is dressed very bizarrely, including a strange hat, almost a top hat.

Mrs. Krall: (to Neha) Ah-ha!

Neha: (startled ) Ah-ha? Me ah-ha?

Mrs. Krall: Of course you ah-ha.

Neha: (confused) What do you mean?

Krall: Oh you know what I mean. More importantly, we both know that you know that I know that you know what I mean.

Neha: (Speechless for a moment) I’m confused.

Krall: Are you truly confused or do you only want me to think that you’re confused because you’re trying to confuse me?

Neha: No, I…

Krall: Hold on there Missy. Let me ask you something and I want a truthful answer because there is nothing more important than the truth. Without it we are lost. When I said ‘Ah-ha,’ why did you jump backwards?

Neha: Well…you scared me. In fact you’re still---

Krall: (Angry) I scared you? I scared you? Don’t even try that little game.

Neha: What little game? I was just talking to my friend here and…

Krall: (She takes off her hat, reaches in it, and takes out a piece of tin foil. Hands the hat to Neha.) Here.


Neha: Oh wonderful. What am I supposed to do with…

She pauses to watch Krall carefully form the tinfoil into a triangle and put it on her head.

Bernie: Now just a minute here. What is going on? Who are you and why are you----

Krall: (To Neha) This is him, huh?

Neha: This is who?

Krall: This is the sad sucker you thought would help you with your…little plan.

Neha: Little plan? You mean about---

Krall: Oh you know I know you know I know what you mean.

Neha: But how do you…wait, did Mork send you?

Bernie: Who is Mork?

Krall: (Excited almost happy) Exactly!!! Mork. That is exactly who I am talking about!

Neha: So you know Mork?

Krall: (Very certain) Of course I do! (Much less certain) He’s your leader, right?

Neha: Look, I don’t think you have any idea what you’re talking about.

Krall: Oh I know! I’ve always known! I knew they would…I knew YOU would come for me.

Bernie: Wait a minute, this is all a joke, right? (To Neha) You’re not really an alien about take over our planet, (To Krall) and you are just…some sort of an actor. Impractical Jokers, is that it? Where’s Murray?

Krall: I was right! All these years people told me I was crazy. But I was right. There are aliens!

Neha: No, really, it’s not---

Krall: And they’ve come for us. They’ve come for me! I knew it! I knew it! They’re here!

They are surrounded by “alien” looking teens with all sorts of wires strapped around their heads and sleek metallic devices in front of their faces.


Krall and others sing: “Consider This”

As the song ends, the “alien” teens are ready to attack Bernie and Krall. Neha looks on helplessly, as she has been detained by some of the aliens. Narrator and Adam enter. They cross to the Narrator’s “study,” and are oblivious to the action on the stage.

Adam: I’m sorry, I don’t know what happened. I brought the script back there and it just sort of...disappeared. I have no idea how we get anything done back there.

Narrator (looking at a book, not the script): It’s ok, it doesn’t matter. I found this book on dramatic theory. It says here that it’s just about time for the “third act.”

Adam: Third act? What’s that?

Narrator: Apparently you’re supposed to have one final plot twist that drives the action towards the dramatic finish!

Adam: Well that’s not how we do it in Pennbrook shows. Two acts. That’s it.

Narrator: Yes, well---

Adam: Conflict, climax, resolution. Wrap it up and put a bow on it!

Bernie: Hey guys. I think you need to---

Narrator: Well according to this more modern theory, you need a third act. We certainly could modernize things around here, couldn’t we?

Adam: Oh let’s not start that again.

Neha: Yo, dawgs. Can we shout at ya for a sec?

Adam: Why don’t you just tell them what happened, slap a slightly cliched moral on it, and they’ll all go home happy.

Narrator: No, one more twist, I tell you. Like maybe...Neha, the alien, actually falls for Bernie. They think they can get along, despite their differences---

Adam: Corny!

Narrator: When all of a sudden, out of nowhere, Mork, the alien leader, appears, right here on earth!

Adam: No! He couldn’t, could he?

Narrator: Of course he could! It’s the theatre, anything is possible!

Adam: Ok, and then what?


Narrator: And then...and then…(Hesitating, he realizes that he has to make it up now.) I don’t know what happens next. I need that script!

Adam: No you don’t. You got this. You were saying that Mork appears…

Mork appears. Others cower in fear.

Narrator: Yes, yes. and then he says something.

Adam: That’s right.

Narrator: He says, (concurrent with Mork) “Earthlings! We are here from Planet Smemsplat!”

Mork: (Concurrent with narrator) Earthlings! We are here from Planet Smemsplat!

Adam: That’s perfect!

Narrator and Mork together: We are a vastly intelligent life source. You are powerless against us.

Donnie: But what is it you want?

Narrtor and Mork together: We want (Only Mork)...your garbage!

All gasp in horror.

Donnie: Wait...Really? You want our garbage?

Mork: Yes! We need it to power our planet.

All gasp in horror.

Donnie: Ok, cool So what’s the problem?

Mork: You are not producing enough. So we are here to destroy you!

All scream and scatter. Neha, Bernie, Donnie, and others exit into the house. They run up the aisle to the back of the auditorium. Dramatic battle music plays. Ballet dancers enter and flash across the stage in dramatic movements.

Connie: Hey! Hey, wait a minute.

Mork: What is it?

Connie: If you destroy us, then we won’t make any garbage, will we?


Mork: I suppose that may be true.

Hazel approaches Mork, whispers in his ear.

Mork: Right, right. I mean, we are here to control your every move!

Hazel whispers into his ear again.

Mayor: Hazel, what are you doing? You’re my assistant.

Hazel: Not any more, McGuffin. This guy is the boss now.

Mayor: Great. Thanks a lot.

Hazel continues whispering into Mork’s ear.

Mork: Right, got it. Actually, we are here to control your waste disposal processes!

All gasp in horror. Dramatic music and dance continue briefly. In the meantime, Neha, Bernie, etc. are moving back to the stage. They go up the stairs and cross toward Mork.

Bernie: Wait a minute. Wait just a…(music stops). This really isn’t that bad.

Mrs. Krall: Of course it is! It’s terrible. They’re here to kill us all! Just like I always knew they would!

Bernie: No, not really. They can just...have all our garbage, right? We’ll just send you all of it. Then you’ll have your energy source and we’ll get rid of all of our trash.

Jesse: That’s a great idea. It’s a win-win.

Daphne: That’s right, Private Thompson. (Saluting her). Everybody’s happy. No bad guys here.

Neha: Oh Bernie, I knew we could figure this out.

They hug. All are happy. “County Fair” music starts up again.

Mork: Wait a minute. What is this? Agent Smems-pop-smick-fitzer?

Bernie: That’s your name?

Neha: I know right?

Mork: What is going on here?


Neha: Well...um...you see... I mean, your most noble Smemsplatter, I would like to request a permanent relocation.

Mork: To where? Here? With these...smems-simpletons!

Mayor: Hey, that doesn’t sound very nice.

Neha: Yes, your Smemsiness. I would like to...I mean...well you see…

Bernie: We’re going to see if we can be together...despite our differences.

All react warmly. Once again it looks like we’ll have a happy ending.

Narrator: So I guess things really can work out in the end. I guess maybe these alien beings aren’t so unlike human beings, after all---

Mork: TRAITOR! This is a smemspopper to end all Smemspuffers. I won’t let you get away with it. Any of you! ATTACK!!!!


Documents

· Web viewShe’ll see…what she can do. That’s all we can ask, isn’t it? That’s the kind of cooperative spirit we could ALL use, isn’t it? Adam: (Entering) Uh-huh. I get