Time Enough for… Love Studies!

“To fear love is to fear life, and those who fear life are already three parts

dead.”

--- Bertrand Russell

“Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a

teardrop.”

--- Anonymous

"Love gives nothing but itself and takes nothing but from itself"

--- Khalil Gibran

Black and white is always more romantic.

Less distracting colours!

Special thanks Esraa, Lucia, Rana and Ahmed!

Notice how the two faces are

melding together? There’s naughty

stuff going on but the naughty

‘bits’ are all covered, so ‘love’ is

what’s really going on here. And its

in black and white too!

Must first off make a three-way distinction between like, love and lust. Love is

supposed to be an uncontrollable emotion, and if it wasn’t, it would be love. Liking is a bit more rational, involving an appraisal of

someone or something.

Basics of ‘love’, not love-making!

Thanks to Nour Osman!

Sorry for

the colours.

Too sensual

and loud!

Klaatu: If you stay, you'll die.

Mr. Wu: I know. This is my home now.

Klaatu: You yourself called them a destructive race.

Mr. Wu: That's true. But still, there is another side. You see, I... I love them. It is a very strange thing. I...

I... I can't find a way to explain it to you. For many years I cursed my luck for being sent here. Human life

is difficult. But as this life is coming to an end... I consider myself lucky... to have lived it.

See Skolnick, pp. 243-247.

Thanks Sally

Abdel Aal!

Here’s a perfect illustration of the

love/like distinction. You can love

someone without liking them (their

lifestyle, values, looks, etc.)!

Zick Rubin

Zick Rubin is a renowned American psychologist. He measured love using the psychometric scale. He stated that love encompasses the feelings of attachment, caring, and intimacy. Rubin is known for his

famous experiment in the early 1970's in which he asked 198 undergrads to fill out 2 separate questionnaires. The surveys

contained questions like the following:

Items Measuring Liking .1I feel that _ is a very stable person. .2I have confidence in _’s opinions.

Items Measuring Loving

.1. I feel strong feelings of possessiveness towards

.2confides in me. I like it when

.3I would do almost anything for _.

http://psychology.about.com/od/loveandattraction/a/likingloving.( )htm

Triangular Theory of Love

The Triangular Theory of Love was theorized by Robert Sternberg. The theory stated that there are three essential parts of love:

intimacy, passion, and commitment. When different parts of these elements of love are combined, it creates distinct feelings (similar to

the statements made in The Colors of Love). Compassionate love is created when commitment and intimacy are combined, while

passionate love is a mix of intimacy and passionate. The rarest, longest lasting love, Sternberg stated, is consummate love, which is

where all three elements of love come together. http://appsychtextbk.wikispaces.com/Love

It’s easy to get these concepts confused

and, there is a lot of overlap, even

chemically. Also, they aren’t mutually

exclusive. But the important thing to

realise is that men are more aware of

these distinctions than women are and,

even when it comes just to love

romantically concieved, its the men who are the true romantics!

Why should the : The Dukecourtesan chose the penniless sitar

player over the maharajah who is offering her a lifetime of security?

That's real love. Once the sitar player has satisfied his lust he will

leave her with nothing. I suggest that the courtesan chose the

maharajah.

Thanks Sally Abdel Aal

There’s lots of reasons for this,

social, physiological and

psychological. One, men can

afford to be in love since they’re

economically independent. Two,

we’re less emotionally mature (we

mature physically and mentally at

a later date than women) so have

sex or fall in love or both at a later

date. Thirdly, we’re emotionally

starved people, not allowed to let

emotions intrude into work life.

Our lives are very controlled and

very lonely (emphasis on

individualism, independence and

not needing people), and we get

fed up with it after a while and

want to go to the opposite

extreme and risk it all.

Dinero

casino

] When you love over-voice: [Ace Rothsteinsomeone, you've gotta trust them. There's no other way. You've got to give them the key to

everything that's yours. Otherwise, what's the point? And for a while, I believed, that's the

kind of love I had.

But it just goes to show that men ‘invented’ the concept of

love, not women. Gentlemanliness and being courteous to

women developed out of romantic concerns, and with...

There’s a book by a

woman about how men

fall for bitches. That’s not

quite it. Men aren’t into

bad girls (in the same way

girls are into bad boys –

see below), but men are

into wild women. We’re

looking for the women

that’s a concept or

complete us, help us get

out of our self-imposed

problems. Alas, women

are even more messed up

than we are!

Skolnick in

the flesh!

... that the elevation of women from mere sex

objects. This came with the shift from paganism to

Christianity, since ancient Greek and Roman

women of wealth weren’t any more educated that

slaves and servants, and so seen as something

only worthy of sex and reproduction. You can see

this in the European tradition of kissing under the

mistletoe at Christmas time. Its meant to be sweet

and romantic. The only catch was that in the

Middle Ages, romance was seen as something you

did outside of marriage because it avoided the

social obligations of marriage, while the pure kind

of love men – especially knights – felt was towards

mothers, the Queen, and the Virgin Mother.

Virgin connie swail

The notion that ‘love and marriage go together

like a horse and carriage’ – the theme song for

this series – is actually a Protestant notion. The

Reformation made the perfectly rational

argument that even loving outside of marriage

is forbidden, a form of betrayal, which in turn

means that love and sexual enjoyment has to

happen in the context of holy matrimony. This is

identical to the logic in Islam, where you

actually get rewarded (garner hasanat) if you

enjoy sex in marriage. When asked about this,

the Prophet (PBUH) said, if you enjoy sex in

sin, won’t you get extra punishment from God?!

But what about ‘Arabs’, how do they

see ‘love’? Do they understand it in

purely sexual terms, and even if

they do, why would they not want

that kind of love to exist in

marriage? Could it be they don’t

trust women and see love as

in this battle of wills weaknessbetween wives, husbands and their

respective families?!!

This is the Arabic and generally female

way of approaching love, where it’s like a

water tap that you can turn on and off at a

moment’s notice. If they only knew how

long it took men to evolve the concept of

love and de-sex it, and for them!

After and before! PLAYBOY: You have said that the kind of man who spends his time running after women is a man who

"despises himself." Would you elaborate?

RAND: This type of man is reversing cause and effect in regard to sex. Sex is an expression of a man's self-

esteem, of his own self-value. But the man who does not value himself tries to reverse this process. He tries

to derive his self-esteem from his sexual conquests, which cannot be done. He cannot acquire his own

value from the number of women who regard him as valuable. Yet that is the hopeless thing which he

attempts.

Ayn Rand, Playboy Interview, 1964

Remember, women have a far

more masculine view of men

than men have, and are

looking for equal opposites

themselves – someone who

isn’t insecure as they are.

They aren’t into sympathy and

appreciation of the sensitive

realities of us guys so have no

respect for lack of confidence.

And they’re into saying stuff

that isn’t true as long as it

beautifies themselves.

At the same

time you really

shouldn’t overdo it

or they’ve taking

you literally!

To be continued!

Girls use the term boyfriend to refer to their

boyfriends (usually bad boys), but ‘friend’ to

boys who are just friends (usually good boys),

but use the word girlfriend to refer to girls who

are just friends. Men only use the word friend

when talking about boys and girls, except for

girlfriend who are girlfriends. Men are more

polarized in their thinking and less objective

when it comes to biological ‘things’

(euphemisms like private parts, draining the

lizard, boning a chick, etc.)

Ah, but

does half

Brazilian

Meisa

Kuroki

find them

exciting?

See how

men aren’t

comfortable

with their

biologies!

And women, being their own worst enemy,

actually buy into the Aristotelian dictum

that true friendship only exists between

equals (not rich and poor, education and

ignorant) and men, which means they

can’t handle friends who are women –

jealousy and incomplete halves – so they

seek out men. But, at the same time, they

can’t have proper friendships with them

because the men crave their bodies.

Don’t worry, this stereotyped way of think is grounded in ancient homosexuality, which is

misogynistic. Hence Platonic love, trying to downgrade male love for women as sex, as a

disguised desire for procreation. Sound familiar? Alas, we don’t even have a word for

‘like’ in Arabic when it comes to women!

Happens to women too when they get disrespected by men and betrayed by them, or they

run out of men to have monogamous relationship with – ever heard of Sodom and Gomorra

and the Greek island of Lesbos or New York's surplus women problem?!

Just friends

or sex

without

love?!

In Egypt we don’t even talk about friends, when it

comes to men and women. We say zamala

(colleaguality) instead. A friend of mine did her MA

thesis on zamala, sadaqa and hub in Egypt, back in

the 1960s admittedly, and found consistent results

across the board on this three-way distinction.

A real man wouldn’t

his love-sex object

with anybody, and

its a mistake to

marry your best

friend, but an even

bigger mistake to

cheat on her!

Alma: I - I won't marry you because I don't want to be the wife of a soldier.

Robert E. Lee "Prew' Prewitt: Well, that... would be about the best I could ever do for you.

Alma: Because nobody's going to stop me from my plan. Nobody, nothing. Because I want to be

proper! Robert E. Lee "Prew' Prewitt: Proper.

Alma: Yes, proper! In another year I'll have enough money saved. Then I'm going to go back to my home town in Oregon, and I'm going to build a house for my mother and myself, and join the

country club and take up golf. Then I'll meet the proper man with the proper position, to make a

proper wife, and can run a proper home and raise proper children. And I'll be HAPPY because when

you're PROPER you're SAFE! Robert E. Lee "Prew' Prewitt: You've got guts,

honey. I hope you can pull that off. Alma: I do mean it when I say I need you. 'Cause

I'm lonely. You think I'm lying, don't you? Robert E. Lee "Prew' Prewitt: Nobody ever lies

about being lonely.

In point of fact, women aren’t

into love studies either, they’re

into security studies!

See Skolnick,

pp. 244.

Ideally someone you like is your friend but someone you love is the person you marry,

but things are never so simple, especially with women. Women can love someone and not

marry him, and marry someone else they just like. At the same time, they can marry

someone they don’t love or like but convince themselves they love and/or like him

afterwards, and forget the difference! To make matters worse, women deny this and

insist they are romantic, and insist even more than their source of security – husband – be

romantic, for no good reason at all given why she married him to begin with.

A man can marry on old bag for her money, but

he’d never convince himself he loves her!

Istikrar or

excitement?

Father figure is a ‘security’

figure, especially…

… if he’s old and rich enough to bail out your actual father!

They want

kids too, to

tie their

men down,

even it

ruins their

health and

looks!

What’s even worse than this is that they decide to

love someone, and then decide not to love them

anymore and break it off. Statistically, women

initiate divorce more than men. The notion of love

as an uncontrollable emotion is ‘alien’ to them

(hint, hint), hence the hopeless romantic persona.

When women say they are romantic, they mean

they want to be romanced by a man, while they

can stay exactly the way they are. I mean, why

else do women like men in uniforms? It’s what the

uniform signifies, ‘economic’ security.

Here’s

my

solution.

Get them in

the army to

get them

honourable,

secure and

so romantic!

Thanks Dr

Marlene!

More generally, women confuse love of a person with love of what that person

, such as economic security and representssocial independence, so they can easily

transfer their emotions from one guy who seems to embody these needs, to another guy

who seems to embody them even more. It’s not that women automatically crave stability and aren’t dreamers at heart, they are, they just repress these desires then take it out on

their husbands when they aren’t romantic enough – too busy providing economic security

to their women, as originally requested!

Dr. Bill Harford: No dream is ever just a dream.

Alice Harford: Millions of years of evolution, right? Right? Men have to stick it in every place they can,

but for women... women it is just about security and commitment and whatever the fuck else!

Dr. Bill Harford: A little oversimplified, Alice, but yes, something like that.

Alice Harford: If you men only knew... Alice

Harford: If he wanted

me, I would give up

everything.

Alice Harford: ...And at no time did he

ever leave my mind.

What is even worse than that

this is that women are unaware

of it. They don’t remember

anything they don’t want to,

and remember what they want

to have happened, The female

mind, like the Arab mind, is

schizophrenic, into memory

invention!

Is that

what he

did, or

what you

wanted

him to

do?

Women actually want

to have sex with their

husbands, and enjoy

it. What’ll they think

of next? Intelligent

conversations!

Men have to be forced not to

remember. Women do it by

themselves, and fantasy more

important than reality for them.

It’s true for guys too, but at least

we can tell the difference!

Do kids

tie

women

down, I

wonder?!

Turn your back on

them one second

and they literally

forget you!

Cold colours,

cold look!

Note that unhappy people

always have affairs first then

get divorced, or don’t get

divorced at all. Why? The thrill

of doing something wrong!

And remember, women aren’t

into being ‘trusted’ by their

men. They want their men to

be possessive and jealous

(indicators love and so the

fear they’ll head off after

another woman), then

complain about being chocked

by them afterwards! And

stealing someone else’s wife

or husband is always more

fun!

See Skolnick,

pp. 250-252.

[a tall stranger drinks from Alice's wine

glass] Alice Harford: Umm, I think that's

my glass. Sandor Szavost: I'm

absolutely certain of it.

Latin men

(Hungarian

too?!) prove

their manliness

by stealing

other men’s

wives, then

worry about

their own being

stolen. See

Skolnick, pp.

234-236!

Jealousy, then, is perfectly okay and called for and not childish. The only man who

doesn’t get jealous is, well, not a man. At the same time, women themselves like looking

appreciated!and beyond sex, because they confuse looking sexy with being maternal

Hijab!

Like love and love-making, the love-like distinction is especially

important for us as Arabs. This is because, in the Arabic language,

we don’t really make that distinction. Hub is Arabic means both

love and like, demonstrating that Arabs are a black and white

people – they either love something or hate it. So we don’t simply

like potato salad, they ‘love’ it, they absolutely hate it.

Love

isn’t a

feeling,

its an

emotion,

understa

nding

combine

d with

sensatio

ns.

Cognitio

n again!

See

Skolnick,

pp. 253.

The enemy!

Love

turned to

hate!

… then if they change their mind, And love can easily turn into hate since

they have similar psycho-neural characteristics – strong emotions

coming from below that you’re not entirely sure of.

Man haba baad adaqwa

(he who loved till after

animosity)!

I will say ‘one’ thing in favour of

Arabs. Old Arabs did have the

notion of hub uzri (virginal love),

but modern day Arabs –

especially women – have

squandered this tradition. And it’s

not Platonic love because its

between men and women, even

after they’ve married and had sex!

ينأى بنفسه .. حالة عاطفية وإرتباط روحي.. الحب العذري عن كل عالقة فيزيائية

-01-2012a.net/index.php/3http://www.alkal-2074/15-01-15-18-01-2012-57/51-16-11-13

20-46-11-16-10-2012

Even leaving like and lust

aside, love is a contradictory

emotion in itself, making you

feel the opposite of love, or at

least feel other emotions you

assume have nothing to do

with love. When they say make

love, not war, then should be

careful since it’s strong

emotions like love that are

often the root cause of war –

something they figured out in

the axial age!

Even computers know more

about love than us Arabs do!