HMONG MOTHERS AND DAUGHTERS: CULTURAL ADJI!STMEN?'

AND CONFLICT

A Thesis Presented to the Faculty

os

California State University, Stanislaus

In Partial f?ulfillnient

Of the Requirements for the Degree

of Master of Arts in Interdisciplinary Studies,

Cultural Antllropology

BY

Maykou Margaret Vang

December 1994

Abstract

HMONG MOTHERS AND IIAUGHTERS: CULTURAL

ADJUSTMENT AND CONFLICT

BY

Maykou Margaret Vang

Today young Hmong women growing in the United States face a hture that is

very different frotn the one for which their mothers were prepared while growing up in the

mouiltains of Laos. As these mothers struggle to rear their daughters in the cultural milieu

ofthe United States, there is conflict and pain on both sides. The daughters of today live

in a complex large-scale society where a communicative and active style is often called for.

They are being reared by mothers whose backgrounds were in small-scale, slash and burn

agricultural societies; where silence and passivity were paramount in the old tradition.

The societal roles of both 1-Tmong mothers and daughters have changed. These

changing roles often result in conflict and misunderstanding between mother and daughter.

The intensity and frequency of these conflicts are dependent upon the differing rates of

adaptation and acculturation to U.S.cultural values and lifestyle. This research seeks to

identi@ and discuss significant factors which contribute to conflicts which arise between

Hmong tnothers and their teenage daughters living in Merced, California as acculturation

takes place in the United States. This study seeks to explore these relationships and

iv

provide a context for understanding the coilflicts and misuilderstandings which arise as the

daughters enter adolescence.

Questions were developed to gather iniormation about the infoi-mants'

backgrounds, families, mother-daughter relationship, the identification of potential

problems, levels of education, and cornparison of life style between the United States and

Laos. The Hmong history, traditional culture and the H~nong cultural adaptation to life in

the United States form the background of this study. These may provide insights and

possible answers to identify coilflicts between mothers and daughters as Hmong women

iniegrate into American society.

This study focuses on the disagreements between I-Imong mothers and daughters

regarding issues associated will1 schooling, extra-curricular activities, dating, and

responsibilities in the home. The nature of these conflicts has a direct impact on both the

mothers' and daughters' levels of education and sophistication as well as the familiarity

with the "new culture," language, and educational system in which they now operate.

ICeywol-ds: Hmong, Mother/Daughter, Acculturation, Adaptation, Intergenerational Conflict, Merced, California, United States

I owe a great debt of gratitude to many people without whom I wolild never have

accomplished this rcsearct~. I want to thank my Nmong mother and daughter ir~fonnants

for the many hours that they provided in sharing their experiences and stories.

I sincerely want to thank my cornlnittee for their guidance, comments, suggestions,

extensive time in editing, reading, and rereading of my work. All of you have been

through so much during the last several n~onths of my thesis and yet, you continued to be

there for me. 1especially want to thank you for your patience, encouragement, support,

and friendship. I want to thank Dr. Susar~ Middleton-Keim for her valuable comments,

preciseness, and the superb job she did at keeping me abreast of opportunities which

greatly enhanced my personal and academic development; Laura Boyer, who taught me

that "Consistency is one sign of a good scholar" in both words and deed; and Dr. Ida

Bowers for being the advisor that she has been for me over the years. You have helped

me change so many things around me and my outlook of life. No student could ever ask

for an advisor who cares as much about her students as you do. Thank you for all the

times you have spent listening to me and understanding me. I can never say "Thank You"

enough. Together, I thank all three of you for your expertise and knowledge.

I'd like to thank Dr. Hensen and his staff at Merced High School North Campus

for their assistance; Student Support Services for their moral support and encouragement;

Tou Lee Xiong for his artistic contribution; Dr. Ines Miyares for her friendship and

interest of the FImong people; Michael Randle for his kindhearted assistance and valuable

vi

advice, "1'1 tG I'UNCI-I"; and lily friends, Tracy Silveria and Susan Holgate, affectionately

known as the "ABT"club for their sense of humor, advice, and support during trying

times.

I want to thank my two American families, the Nelsons and the Moores, who have

given me the opportunity to live, learn, and experience the American dream and way of

life; my uncle, Dr. Yang Dao, for his co~nn~ents during the early stage of my research; my

grandmothel-s Mrs. Mino Yang and Xy Lo Moua, cousin Ly Moua, brothers, and sisters

(especially, Mayko) for their support; my father-in-law, Nhia Bee Moua, who encourages

me as a Hmong daughter-in-law to continue my education; my mother-in-law, Soua Yang

Moua for her patience and full supports in carrying for my children--who drove her nuts

day aRer day; and my parents, Peter Chou Vang and May Yang Vang, who I can riever

thank enough for giving me 2 life, loving me, encouraging me, supporting me, believing in

me, and giving me the opportunity to go to school. I thank them for their emotional and

financial support, and for their understanding of tny marriage to my husband (thank you

mom and dad, it means a lot to me).

Finally, I am thankful for my daughter, Shoua Nha, and my son, Mino, who came

into my life during my graduate studies. They gave me all the reasons to finish this project

and look forward to a happy and productive life. Last but not least, I especially want to

thank one very special man in my life, my husband, Chuya Meng Moua, without whom

this thesis would have not started or finished. No words can ever express how thankfill I

am to have you, but one thing for certain, "Tsis muaj leej twg y a v pawv tau koj nyob rau

hauv kuv lub neej."

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Page

List of Tables ......................................................................................................... x

List of Figures

Chapter

........................................................................................................ x

1 Introduction............................................................................................... 1

The Problem .............................................................................................. 7

Statement of the Problem .......................................................... 7

Significance of the Study ........................................................... 1 1

Theoretical Basis ofthe Study ................................................... 12

2 Literature Review

General Studies on Cultural Adaptation and Conflict ................ 15

Studies of .Hmong in I.,aos......................................................... 28

Research on F-Iinong Acculturation in the United States ............. 30

3 Methodology............................................................................................. 43

Questionnaire............................................................................ 47

Administration of Quesi.ionnaire................................................ 47

Limitations................................................................................49

4 The I-iistory and Culture of the Hmong People

Introduction.............................................................................. 51

Migration Patterns of the Hmong People ................................... 51

Traditional Life Style ............................................................... 51

Family Structure ........................................................................ 56

Marriage................................................................................... 58

Roles and Responsibilities of Mmong Women ............................ 62

Education.................................................................................. 67

5 Data Analysis

Background of Informants ......................................................... 73

Concept of Family ..................................................................... 75

Head of Family .......................................................................... 76

Education .................................................................................. 77

Social Interaction ......................................................................82

Life in the United States ............................................................ 84

Courtship-Dating ...................................................................... 94

Family. Marriage. and Careel-.................................................... 97

Mother-Daughter Relationships ................................................. 101

Summary. Conclusion. and Recommendations

................................................................................... Summary 117

............................................................................... Conclusion 121

..................................................................... Recommendations 129

.................................................................................................. RIBLIOGfWPIIY 132

.................................................................................. A . Books 132

................................................................................ . B Journals 133

C . Newspapers .......................................................................... I35

D . Public Documents ................................................................. 135

............................................................ D . Unpublished Sources 135

......................................................................... F . Dissertations 136

G . Pel*sonal Interviews ............................................................ 137

APPENDIX

............................................................ Questionnaires (mother) 138

Questionnaires (daughter) ......................................................... I40

LIST OF TABLES

Table Page

1.1 I3mong Refiigee Coinmunities in California............................................. 5

4.1 IItnong Clan Name Written In English And Hmong ................................. 56

5.1 IIead of Household of Hmong Mothers Interviewed ................................ 76

5.2 Head of IIousehold of 13mong Daughters Intenriewed ............................. 77

5.3 I-lnlong Mothers' Education .................................................................... 78

5.4 I3usbands' Occupatioi~s in Laos and in the U .S....................................... 79

6.1 White t Imong Kinshil~ Terminology ........................................................ 130

LIS-rOF FIGURES

Figure Page

1 . 1 Regional Map of Southeast Asia .............................................................. 2

1.2 Hmong Population by County: 1990 .......................................................4

1.1 IImong Mother and Daughter Doing Laundry at a River......................... 66

5.1 Farm Tools Used by Ilmong Women ...................................................... 87

5.2 Back Baskets Used by Ilmong ................................................................ 88

5.3 Poem Written by Hmong Daughter Informant, May 30, 1992 .................. 115

5.4 Poem Written by Timong Daughter Informant, May 30. 1992 ................. 116

"Each culture on Eartli rcpreselits a thread which has a unique color and texture of its owl, but which weaves together with other cultural threads to produce a magnificent tapestry of great beauty and strength. If all the threads were the same color and texture, the tapestry would be hopelessly dull. By the same token, when we allow a culture to disappear, we pull a thread from the tapestry, and wit11 each pull, weaken the whole."

Dr. Ida I . Bowers

Chapter 1

INTRODUCTION

The IJmong are a distinct ethnic grofip of Southeast Asian people who originally

caine froni the "country of yellow river"' in China. Their long migration pattern over

several centuries has had an impact on their culture as well as their recent arrival in a new

large-scale, complex culture. As a result of continuing Chinese persecution, some lImong

clans migrated south to Indochina and settled in northern Laos, beginning in the 1800's

In the isolated liigl~lands of this tropical and humid mountainous region, they fo1.1nd peace.

Long ago in China the Hiiiong had chosen to leave the rich lowlands and live in the

nlounlains for tactical defense. The elders said "freedom and hunian dignity were worth

more than any amount of fertile land."2 However, this peacefill life was again intern~pted

by the Vietnam War. The Hmong first helped the French, then the American Central

Intelligence Agency (CIA) in fighting the Communist North Vietnamese. When the CIA

I Dao Yang et al., "The FImong: Enduring Traditions," Minority Cultures of Laos: Kamm11. Lua', Lahu, FImong, and Iu-Mien, cd. Judy Lewis ( Folson Cordova, CA: Southeast Asia Conirnunity Resource Center, 1992), 259.

2 Dao Yang, IImong at tlie Turning Point, ed. Jeanne L. Blake (Minneapolis: WorldBridge Associates, 1993), xiv.

withdrew all military forces from Laos, the Lao government fell to the Comniunists.

Again, the IImong were forced to migrate to other countries far away from theis native

homeland. In the confilsion of escape and refi~gee camps, the ITmong clans and families

were scattered. Many came to the Uniled States--refbgees among other immigrants who

came to tlus country looking for opportunity

Understanding the difference between rehgees and immigrants is essential i n

understanding problems of people from another culture as they adapt to a new culture. A

refugee is defined as a person "who in time ofwar, political or religious persecution, etc.

flees to a foreign country for safety."3 On the other hand, an immigrant is a person who

comes into a new country by hislher choice. The perspectives of these two groups of

people differ affecting their paces of adjustment in this new environment. Generally, the

in~~nigrantsadapt faster and better in their new environments. They are often better

eqt~ipped with necessary tools to confront problems along their way to a successful future.

On the other hand, .the rehgees perceive their new environment as a temporary shelter and

still hope to go back to their native homeland. The battle between reality and hope is a

significant element to comprehend in their struggles in this acculturation process.

Within the refugee context, the I-Imong face a reality that was unknown to them.

They were suddenly catapulted through time into a highly computerized civilization.

"'They have jumped 2000 years in a matter of a k w days. It's like cryogenics and they're

wakened from a deep slept for ~enturies ."~ They had comc ti-c;m a much simpler life style ~ ~ -- ~.

'"Rehgee," Webster's New Universal Unabridged Dictionary, 983.

4 Gary E. Swan and Edward Iwata, "Laorians Start Over In Valley," San Francisco Cl~ronicle,21 May 1983: 7.-

and a society which was bor~detl together by the cultural belief that life is governed by

supernatural agents. Ancestor worship and shamanism are two highly complex ritual

practices that were vital to the clans' survival. Herbal remedies were the only source of

medicine to ensure the "...restoration of physical, mental, and social well-beingu5 of the

individual.

Since the Vietnam War, the Hmong people have settled in the United States as

well as in other countries. Today, the Wmong population in the United States has slowly

increased.

Figure 1.2

Hmong Population by County: 1990 Source: Ines Miyares, 1994.

5 Pao Lee, "Health Care Systems Utilized By The Hmong in California: A Case Study in Stanislaus County" (Master's thesis, California State University, Stanislaus, 1991), 1.

--

---

According to the Los Angeles Times, May 4, 1993, about 125,000 Hmong

refbgees live in the IJnited States (Table 1). Of this figure, 88,000 resettled in the

California, 1'7,900 in Wisconsin, 16,000 in Minnesota, 3,000 live in Colorado and many

others are scattered tliroughout the United States.

Table 1.1

IImong Rehgee Communities in Calif~rnia.~ -

~ c a i . i f n ~ ~ & ~ e i u ~ e ePopulation T I Yuba, Sutter and Butte 1 7,000IL--- I I

11 Sacramento 1 14,000 I I 12,000

33,000

3,000 -- ---.- -1Orange 2,500

San Diego 4,500

Santa Barbara 2,500

Today, in the United States, Tlmong parents have made tremendous strides in

making certain that all their children receive an education. However, members of the

older generation still have dif'ficulty adapting to the American culture. Although there are

a signiiicant number of major problems which need carefbl sti~dy and assistance as this

6 Mark Arax, "Hmong: Culture Clings to Marriage Traditions," Los Angeles 4 May 1993, ,426.

refugee group slowly bridges with the mainstream culture, this research seeks to identify

and discuss significant factors creatirig conflicts between Hmong mothers and daughters in

Merced, California. In addition, this study will examine the level of acculturation between

the older generation and the younger one. The differing rates of adaptation are a

significant factor in understanding how conflicts arise in the first place between Hmong

nlothers and daughters. Today, young FImong women growing up in the United States

fdce a future that is very diiyerent from the one for which their mothers were prepared

while they were growing up in the mountains of I>aos. Hence, as these mothers struggle

to rear their daughters in the cultural milieu of the United States--an allnost totally alien

land from the one in which they were reared by their own mothers--there is

misunderstanding and pain on both sides. 'Tlie daughters of today live in a complex,

large-scale society where a communicative and active style is oAen called for. They are

being reared by mothers whose backgrounds were in small-scale, slash and burn

agricultural societies, where silence and passivity were paramount in the old tradition. In

order to comprehend the changing relationship and assess the levels of acculturation in the

United States of these Hmong mothers and daughters, it is necessary to examine the

background in Laos-- migration patterns, life-style, family structure, marriage, role of

women, and education.

The Problem

Statement of the Problem

The purpose of this study is to identify significant factors creating both conflict and

adjustn~ent/acculturationbetween Hmong motl~ers and teenage daughters in Merced,

California.

In 1975, following the Vietnam War, sollie I-imong from Laos fled to the United

States; others went to Argentina, Canada, France, and Australia. Of those who caine to

the United States, many took up residence in the San Joaquin Valley of California, with

the cities of Fresno and Merced having the largest Hrnong populations. According to the

1990 Census of Population, there are 6,500 Hmong in Merced Cou~i ty .~ However,

according to comrr~uniiy leaders in Merced and Merced Lao Family, there are

approximately 10,000 to 12,000 I-Imong in Merced county.

In their homeland, Laos, teaching of the young was a process which involved the

whole clan and family. Parents and elders taught their children about the do's and don'ts

of survival, for exainple, adaptive behavior. Much of this traditional body of knowledge

was acquired through the informal teachings of the elders to the young. This rionforrnal

type of education is found among many traditional societies tliroughout the world today.

When a family or person from such a traditional culture emigrates to a country

such as the United Slates, they encounter another form of education. In many ways, this

form of education is different and harder to adjust to, especially for the elders who were

never exposed to this type of educational system. The Hmong people from Laos are an

7 U.S. Bureau of the Census. 1990 Census of Population and EIousing: California (Washington, D.C.: GPO, 1991).

e~;celleni example of a group of people presently experiencing this kind of sit~~ation. They

arrived in this country with little, if any, formal education.

Parents are trying to understand the irnpor-tance of their children's education and

their own roles as encouraging and supportive parents. The young people, meanwhile, are

trying to becorne acquainted with a radically different educational system set within a new

society and its cultures. -4tthe same time, the parenrs are also having trouble adapting to

the life ila America, while the children are beconling Americanized and confilsed between

both cultures. These developnlents have caused much cor~flict between parents and

children. In 1981, Strand and Jones collected data for a major study of Southeast Asians

in the United States. Dificullies in raising EImong chi!dren was ranked 12th out of 20

potential problems. "Eigllty percent of the problerr? areas are considered eitl~er sori~ewliat

serious or very serious by the I-Irn~ng."~ These werz ranked by Hmong parents and

families. Since this study was done more than ten years ago, one can assume that the

problems may rank higher today

This thesis will focus specifically on the conflicts and cultural adjustn~ent between

I-Imong naothers and teenage daughters. It will describe traditional Flmong mother and

daughter relationships as well as examine the changes tlaat are occurring in those

relationships. In particular this study will identify common issues and conflicts which

Hmong inotllers and daugl~ters seem to be facing in their relationship. Since resettlement

in the United States, the TJmong faced many obstacles due to their lack of forrnal

8Paul I. Strand and Woodrow Jones, Jr., Indocfiinese Rehgees in America: Problems of Adaptation and Assimilation, (D~~rhanl, 1985),NC: Duke University I'ress, 135.

education and contact with the outside world. As described by Ukapatayassakul, "The

Hmong were different than other Indochinese rehgees; they had greater difficulty learning

English because they had no written "Poorly educated, nlany Hrnong have

had trouble adjusting to life in Ameri~a ." '~ The Flmong have the fewest tools wit12 which

to adapt to American society. They were farm people who lived in isolated mountain

villages, and who had no written language until missionaries developed it three decades

ago." Moore-Howard also reported,

The JTrrrong have encountered numerous problems in their adaptation to the United States. Housing, health care, education and employlnent are the major areas of difficulty. These problems occur with other refilgee groups, but they have proven even more difficult with the Hmong because of the vast difrirence between their traditional life and that of the receiving society.I2

"The American pace is too fast, the skills too technical, for them to 1ea1-n."I3

Moreover, they are strangers to most Western inventions of the 20th Century. Even

- ~ .-

9 Banjerd B. Ukapatayassakul, I-Tmong Refugee Economic Ad-iustment in a California Community, P11.D. Diss., United States International University, 1983 (Ann ~

Arbor: UMI, 1983), 149.

10Rnlce Alpel-t, "Refirgee Program Funding Declines," Stockton Record, 23 Feb. 1985: A5.

"Peter H. King, "lTrom Laos to Fresno: Elrnong Try to Adjust," Los Anwles Time Magazine, 7 April 1985: 1.

"~atr icia Moore-Howard, The Hmong Yesterday and Todga (Sacramento, CA: Moore-Howard, 1982j, 37.

l 3 Dianne Barth, "Soutl~east Asian Refugees Must Cope With Culture Shock," Stockton Record, 22 Feb. 1989: A4. \

comnlon technologies such as a light switch, a washing machine or a cooking stove are all

new and ~lnfarniliar to thern

Furthermore, language barriers are many and cultural differences shock them.

Culture shock, as described by Mary Fernandez,

Direct and sudden exposure to an alien society usually produces a disturbing feeling of disorientation and helplessness ....The outstanding features of culture shock include the inability to make any sense out of the behavior of others or to predict what they will say or do. Culture shock is largely an emotional matter, but it also involves the attempt to understand an alien way of life, by choice or out of necessity. Persons with cul t~~re shock find that their formerly adaptive behavior and skills are no longer eflective. l 4

Many Hmong parents in their 30's and 40's fed they are losing control of their children

because the children do not respect the elders i n the way they would have learned to do

back home. As Hmong children enter school, they learn English and new American ways.

They quicltly are becoming immersed in the new culture. Since parents usually do not

speak English, they tend to rely on their children for information about American culture.

This reliance upsets traditional lines of authority. Some research indicates that the more

rapidly the children acculturate, the more intergenerational conflict is likely to result in the

Many Hmong youth appear Americanized but somehow fail to fit in either the

14 Mary S. Fernandez, "Issues in Counseling Southeast Asian Students," Journal of Counseling and Development 16, no. 4 (1988): 157.

I S Carol Asher, "The Social and Psychological Adjustment of So~~theast Asian Refugees", Url~an Review 17, no. 2 ( I 985): 149.

Ilulong or the American culture. Today, the msjority of these young teenagers cluster

with others like thenlselves because they lack in-depth experience with Americans, have

lost contact with their elders, and reject their own culture. This confilsion leads them to

an unpredictable fiiture in which they end up on the streets like many Americar~ teenagers.

The parents are far behind in this industrial country and are unable to adapt to the pace of

their new culture. Furthermore, the elderly I-Irnong feel inadequate because their roles

have changed.

In Laos, they were respected leaders in their clannish [sic] society. Here, many Nmoilg elders spend their days in adult schools learning words like rug and song and reciting American conversations from lesson books. Older Hmong dream of a return to their homeland; to the point of obsession. Social workers said some old people feel so useless they seem to simply give up and die.16

Significance of the Study

This study is irnpoitant to Hmong mothers and teenage daughters in the sense of

helping them understand what is happening in their relationship with one another. It may

be helpful if someone who is familiar with traditional culture and also familiar with the

technique of anthropological analysis can point out what is happening and where the

problems lie. Such knowledge should enable them to cope with some of the problems

better. Since this thesis will be available to the public, fbt~lre motl~ers may read it and

begin to prepare for the challenges that they will confront as they try to raise their own

daughters. It will also help college-age Hmong women who may be or will become

mothers to ul~derstar~d better.their own n~others and g~andmotl~ers It will help them

- - _ _ ~

16 King, op. cit., 32.

t,l.idge that generation or culture gap between grandmothers, mothers, and daughters. For

the broader community, this will provide the insight and understanding of the relationships

between Thong mothers and daughters, ant1 the stresses that they experience as tfie

acculluration process continues. This will provide others with better knowledge of liow to

cope whe~ller they work in school or college, human services, legal systelns or other

agencies

Furthermore, little has been written on how Hmong fanlilies struggle through the

transition from tlie traditional life style to an industrial society. What is written focuses on

the traditional family, but little has been written on how this change from the Hrnong

culture to the Ainerican culture iilipacts tlie relationship between mothers and daughters.

Eln~ong mothers and daughters are stn~ggling desperately at all levels to become familiar

with their new environment. Therefore, this study is significant because it will contribute

new knowledge and insight to the small amount of existing literature on mother-daughter

relationships in IImong cult~~re. It will help the community at large to identif) important

aspects of 1-Inlong culture ant1 understand how cultural transition affects Hmong mothers

and daughters. Tn addition, it will serve as an informational source in assisting school and

college institutions to identify needs and concerns of molhers and daughters

Theoretical Basis of the Study

Cult~rral geography and culiural anthropology study relationships between mothers

and daughters as a significant part of the encuituration process. Enculturation is defined

as,

The process of learning one's culture.. .and it is enculturation which permits us to account for tlie fact that a culture maintains a recognizable form generation after generation. This is because every human being is born into a group whose customs and beliefs are established before lie arrives on the scene Through the learning process he acquires these customs and beliefs; and lie learns his cultural lessons so well that much of his behavior in later years Lakes the forin of automatic; responses t3 the cultural stitnuli with whicll he is pre~ented. '~

This thesis will first examine enculturation processes in traditional Hmo~ig society

foc~lsing on culturally appropriate mother-daughter roles and relationships. Once Hmong

families settle in another country, for example, the Lhited States, enculturation processes

continue, although changed; but the process of acculturation complicates the situation for

the family. Accultiirntion has been defined by rliany different researchers from difl'erent

fields. According to Rogler, Cortes and Malgady,

Acculturation, the process wliereby immigrants change their behavior and attitudes toward those of the host society, is a fi~ndamental part of ndgration induced adaptations to new sociocultural environnlents. A rapidly expanding research literature on acculti~ration has accompanied the growth of international migrations."

They also point out that,

Immigrants low in acculturation have been recently uprooted frorn traditional supportive interpersoilal networks in their society of origin and have not had sufficient time to reconstruct such networks in the host society. Shorn of social bonds, they also experience the strains of pervasive isolatioii from the cultural parameters of the host society. Ttie strains accumulate in an unfamiliar and unpredictable environment that uncontrollably impinges on everyday Ufe. The absence of instrumental skills, such as knowledge of English, keeps tlie unfamiliar world from

------ --.-P.-- -- --.--- --. --- --- -- -.. ----- -- ----- . -- - - ------

' 7~e lv i l l eHerskovits, Man and His Works: The Science of Cultt~ral Anthropology, w e w York: Alfred A Knopf, 1952), 625.

18 TJloyd 14. Rogler, Dharina E. Cortes, and Robert G. Malgady, "Acculturation and Mental Health Status Among Hispanics: Convergence and New Directions for Research," ~ y c h o l o ~ s t45 (June 1991): 585.

becoming familiar and controllable.'"

Yinger stresses that,

Acculturation is generally more extensive among the members of snialler and weaker groups, or among those who have migrated into or been brought into another society. All the groups involved in tlie interaction, I~owever, are likely to be affected. Tt is importar~t to emphasize that even a thoroughly dominant group is culturally irifluenced by its contact with other cultural groups in a society.20

A member from a particular society may not give up his or her traditional foods,

music, 01. language, but adds those from other cult~iral traditions. Another definition of

acculturation was given by a committee of the Social Science Research Council which

reads, "Acculturation compsehends those phenomena which result when groups of

individuals having different cultiires come into continuous first-hand contact, with

subsequent changes in the original cultural patterns of either or both g r o ~ ~ p s . " ~ '

20 Milton J. Yinger, "Toward a Theory of Assimilation and Dissimilation," Ethnic and Racial Studies, 4 (1981): 251.

21 Melville J. Hzrskovits, op. cit., 523.

Chapter 2

LITERATURE REV1EW

General Studies on Cultural Adaptation and Conflict

This study started as a result of 1ieari:lg many Hmong mothers complaining about

their daughters' new "rebellious" bel~aviors. I was niotivated to search fur some answers

to these mothers' ccmplaints and wanted to identi@ the common factors that were leading

to these misunderstandings between H~nong mothers and daughters. As I began to talk to

older E-Imong women, I soon discovered that they all shared 111e same concerns about their

daughters' new behavior. In starting my literature review, I fbund there has not been much

published specifically on IImong mothers and daughters, although it should be noted that

since 1975, probably more research has been conducted about the Hmong than all the

years before. Tlierefor.e, it is not surprising that researching the mother-daughter

perspective is just beginning. There are many related Hmong studies regarding the family,

mental health, migration, adaptation/acculturation, parent-child conflict, education,

needlework, and other topics.

This literature review focuses on studies on mother-daughter relationships, refbgee

youth/adolescence, intergenerational conflict, adaptation ~inder three categories: (1)

general studies in cultural adaptation and conflict including how other immigrant/refugee

groups have adapted to a new culture; (2) The Hmong in Laos; (3) Hmong acculturation

in the United States.

First, one needs to place mothers and daughters within the context of wo~ilen

refugees. Women refugees are considered to be the "forgotten Over 80

percent of all rehgees are Their importance cannot be overlooked. PIaines has

called the role of women refilgees a "pivoial ~ne".~"This is hrlher emphasized by

Theanvy Kuoch, Sima Wali and Mary Scully who comment "rehgee women are the

caregivers of the family and the keepers of vital traditions, traditions that ground the

fanlily and its culture" .25

When families are forced to flee their countries, they not only lose everything but

also have to start new lives over again. This new life not only includes learning a new

language and culture, but the roles and relationships between family members change as

well. Tliese changes are not only tnle for the 14mong people but for all people whose lives

are endangered and who were forced to flee tlieir homeland, and leave everything behind,

especially tlieir loved ones.

In any culture, mother-daughter relationships are different from other relationships.

Wlien a mother gives birth to her daughter, she is her daughter's role model and mentor

until her daughter is old enough to make her own decision and judgment. "The first

22 Christina Lee, "The Forgotten Majority," Canadian Wonl_an Studiesfl-es Caliiers de la Femme - 10, no. 1 (1989): 52.

23 Cole, Ellen et al., Kef~~qee Wonien and Their Mental Healtli: Shattered Societies, Shattered Lives (New York: I-Iaworth Press, 1992), xii.

'"uben G. Rumbaut, "Portraits, Patterns, and Predictors of the Refbgee Adaptation Process: Results and Reflections fi-om the JIIARP Panel Study," Refugees as Immigrants, ed. David W. Haines (Totowa, N.J.: Rownian & Littlefield, 1989), 171-72.

25 Cole, op, cit.

teacher of a child is usually the mother. It is thi-oughtlie intimate contact with tlie mother

that a bal~y learns who and what she or lie is as bot11 an individual and as a nlember of a

particular family".2"s fir~ther said by Ruth Wodak and Muriel Schulz, girls tend to

identiljr with their nlothers' role as women not only because of their "emotional

dependence" but the fact that they are the same sex. They tend to follow the role model

of their mothers because niotliers are their prinlary contact in the world They learned

their rales as feirlales through their mothers' roles in the 11otne. As a result "the female role

are translated and reproduced.. ."27

111 traditional Hnlotlg family this "bonding relationship" between the I-Imong

mother and daughter never dies, not even after the daughter is nlarried. Ilowever, this

"bonding relationship" is weakening slowly in our changing world. Many times, this

becomes a shock to the mothers. Today, Hnlong mothers and daughters confiont a new

and unknown phenomenon--the stage of adolescence. It is at the adolescent stage that

the individual searclies for hislher identity and t l~e pllrpose of Iiislher existence. According

to researchers:

Adolescence is but one stage in the llirman life cycle, but since it selves as a transition between childhood and adulthood, it is fi-aught wit11 problems. More has been written about adolescence, yet less may be known about it than about any other stage of life. ..Clinicians have described adolescence as a time when their personality is severely strained an inner turmoil inevitably results.. .major task of adolescence as the establishment of a stable identity through a necessary questioning of values that will produce conflict with

26 Elizabeth Anne Burki, "Cambodian and L,aotion Mothers and Daughters in

Chicago: Surviving Crisis and Renegotiating Identities," Ph. TI.diss., Northwestern University, 1987 (Ann Arbor: UMI, 1987), 18.

27 Ruth Wodak and Muriel Schulz, The Language of Love and Guilt, (Amstadam: J. Benjamins, 1986), 4.

18

parents, rebellion and anger, and lack of communication with adults.2x

Siniilarly, the American Association of University Women Educational Foundation

reports that, "adolescence is a ditlicult period for all young people, but it is particularly

cliltlcult for gi~-ls".~' Yumi Fliraga fi~r-ther wrote, "Adolescents fall prey to the strong

influences of peer pressure ... many find themselves in the ~niddle of a tug ofwar with peers

on one side and parents on the other . . . " . 3 " Yumi Tliraga's study indicated that Japanese

and Japanese-Atnerican illothers spent greater titile and physical contact with their babies

than did the Caucasian mothers. In addition, the Asian babies were rarely separated from

their mothers as the Caucasian babies were by being left with babysitters. On the other

liand, Asian families displayed "less warmth" toward their adolescents than their Caucasian

families. Miraga furtl~er stated, "...conflict between the mother and daughters is related to

psycliological adj~stment."~' "Thus the more co11trolling the inother, the more the teen

was depressed and acted Slie agreed with other studies that the fa~nily will come

in contact with conflict during the adolescent period because in this period the teens "gain

- ~- . ~

"John F. McDermott, Jr., et al., "Reexamining the Concept of Adolescence: Differences Between Adolescent noys and Girls in the Context of Their Families," American Journalof Psycl~iatry, 140 (1 983);: 13 18.

29 An~erican Association of University Women Educational Foundation, How School Shortchange Girls (ERIC., ED 339 674, 1932), 3 .

30 Yumi Hiraga, "Mother-Daughter Interaction and Adolescent Outcomes in Asian-American Families," (Master's thesis, University of Washington, 199 I), 1.

" lbid., 29.

in irlclependence and power, especially over the rnot l~er ."~~ The adolescent stage is a new

concept to the Hmong parents. It is at this time when teenage daughters experience

conflict and indecision between "dependence and independence"." In the Hrnong

traditional life style, children were born without experiencing adolescent stage. Girls grew

irp fiom being a clliltl directly to adulthood. Runlbaut and Ima described:

Those who believe that Pimily formation should occur prior to or about the time of high school graduation assume that their children will become adults at that point and leave that stage behind. This applies especially to the Hmong, who mal-lc marriage at an early age as the entrance into adulthood, thus short-circuiting what we in this society have come to expect as a 'psychosocial moratorium' or period in which youths experiment with and develop their future. All of our Tjrnong informants either had little or no 'adolescent' pel-iod as sucl~. '~

In Laos, children grew up tlirectly from cl~ildhood to adultlloocl because Hrnong

children were preoccupied with the daily chores of life. By tile time they reached

adultllood they were already prepared for life. Richard G. Condon described the social

change of the Inuit youth in Central Canadian Arctic, who share a certain similarity with

the Iimong youtll today as adolescence beconies the critical stage between childhood and

adulthood in this new setting. I-Te wrote:

Like young people in other rapidly developing societies, today's Inuit youth inhabil a world that is markedly different from that experienced by their parents and grandparents. In tlle past, young people not only made a rapid transition into adulthood, but their future roles and responsibilities were

34 Ilavid R. Lynn, Daughters and Parents Past. Present and Future (hIonterey, CA: Brooks/Cole, 1379), 1 58.

3 5 Ruben G. Rumbault and Kenji Ima, 'Ille Adaptation of Southeast Asian Refugee

- --

predetermined, as i t \ w e , by the ile~nands of a liarsti and unproductive habitat... A young male could aspire to be a skilled hunter and provider for his fitrriily, while a woman could hope to acquire the skills necessary to be an expert seamstress and housel~olcl manager. For both sexes, options were extremely lin~ited and the individual learned the appropriate gender-role skills through observation of and intense interactio~i with parents and other adults. As ..notes children learned little else than their respective roles and by 10-12 could be usefiil, although not fiilly self-supporting members of the community. The young person's sense of identity was thus assured by continuity of social roles and group mernber~hip.~~

As a result, there was no time for them to question the value of their own lives or

search for alternative life paths or styles. In this process, the children could not and did

not oppose their parents' values and consequently there were few or no conflicts within tlie

family. On the other hand, when children are growing up in a society where they have

options and more control of their lives, they are more likely to question the values of their

own lives and more. Rumbaut's major study on Southeast Asian youth presents some

relevant findings regarding the role of mothers, relating especially to teenagers and how

\\/ell they do at school. Rumbaut stated, "it is the n~others' and not the father's human

capital resources that are most strongly associated with the children's G.P.A.'s and

achievement test scores, ...it is the nloiher's rather than the father's psychological

well-being that is most strongly associated with the educational performance of their

children".37 Runlbaut and Inla's finding also suggested that Southeast Asian ~ 0 ~ 1 t h

questioned the meaning of their own life. Vietnamese parents are more likely to be the

36 Richard G. Condon, "The Rise of Adolescence: Social Change arid Life Stage 13ilemmas in the Central Canadian Arctic." Human Organization 49, (1990): 269.

"Rurnbaut and Ima, op. cit., 38-39

ones to determine career choices for their chiltlreu. as in the case of Rulnbailt arid Ima's

Vietnamese informant who insisted that her cliild pursue a medical career regardless of tlie

child's preference or feeling.3s The daughter, a \lietnamese youth informant asked herself,

"Is there more to lire 'ellan becoming a physician"',39 parents and children's values may

differ and thus cause disagreement in the finlily. However., they are not the only groups

who have difficulty; others are facing the same issue. Matsuoka stated, "culture conflict

occurs when people migrate from one culture to another or when individuals in pluralistic

culti~res leave their ethnic communities for a mainstream environn~ent".~ This is also t n ~ e

in Karii~i's study about the Punjabis from India residing in the tJnited Kingdom. Karim

reported that:

The study clearly demonstrates that one of the major areas of conflict between mothers and teenage-daughters appears to be religion. Mothers are reported to observe their religious rituals but daughters do not do so. This often led to tension between tlie mother, on the one hand, who wants her daughter to adhere to the religious practices; and the daughter on the other hand, who does not find suficieiit time to learn the rituals or does not find them meaninghl enough to practice them4'

The latter passage suggests that problems such as cultural adaptation and

acculturation exist among all people and c~~ltures. These problems will be a daily

cl~allengeto these people as they confront new ones. Szapocznik and Truss also

40 Jon K. Matsuoka, "Differential Acculturation Among Vietnamese Rehgees," Journal of The-National Association of Social W o r w 3 (1990): 34 1.

41 Shan~imF. Karirn, "Conflict Between lmirligrant Mother-Daughter in United Kingdom," Asiaii Journal of Psychology and Education 7, no.2 (1981): 9.

mentioned the fact that "intergenerational acculturation differences" developed anlong

Cuban immigrant families were due to the fact that Cuban cliildren acculturate f'aster than

their parents. They hrther indicate that as the Spanish American immigrant groups

~nigrated to the Ut~ited States, their fdmily structure and roles changed which caused the

family to become disnipted and led to conflict. This interim caused the mothers to

undergo stress and role conflict since they are the primary caretaker of the family."2

Ruiribaut and Ima hl-ther stated, "there is no fixed time limit on the acculturation process

and its many manifestations, however, and for most refugee youth the acctilturation

process will probably be a permanent lifetime challenge".43 David Lynn mentioned that

due to the rapid growth of knowledge in this society, even those parents who are

intelligent cannot keep up with all that is taught in school and the things that children

al3sc)rb through television. As he hrther put it, "...our society is transforming itself so

rapidly that the values held by today's parents are irrelevant to the conditions and the

problems faced by their adolescent cl~il(lren."~~

Ann Schapiro suggested in several articles that generational conflict with

acculttiration takes place when:

Family relationships in this group appeared strained for a n~imber of reasons. The most fi-equent complaint was that parents did not tinderstand

42 Jose Szapiczik and Carroll Truss, "Intergenerational Sources of Role Conflict in

Cuban Mothers," Iiisp- ed Mig~iel Montiel (Washington, D.C.: COSSMHO--The National Coalition of Iiispanic Mental Health and Iluman Dervices Organizations, 1978), 41.

43 Rumbault and Ima, op. cit., I 04.

44 David B. Lynn, Ila~!ghters and Parents: Past. Present, and Future (Monterey, CA: Brooks/Cole Pub. Co., 1979), 166.

about teenage life in tlie United States. Secondly, the subjects considered their parents to be very demanding and critical of their school hnctioning, allowing little latitude for the diiliculties they might encounter and expecting them to be competitive with American students. Less problematic but still in evidence was the adolescents' divergence fiom the old ways: customs, language, food. Teenagers' dating and going out at night with fiiends, taken for granted by most Americans, caused inuch anguish between Lao teens and their parents, because dating is not a custom in L , ~ o s . ~ ~

James Banerian fi~rtller added:

The universal generation gap is worse for the Indochinese because of the extreme differences between the I~ldochinese and American cultures. Indochinese adults basically think, feel, and act as though they were back in their homelands; their behavior patterns are fixed by their past life experiences. Meanwhile, the relatively liberal atmosphere of the Uniled States often disturbs these adults, who were raised along much more conservative lines and now despair over deviations from this by their children. For their part, tlie young Indochinese have different goals and outlooks from their parents, speak a different language, and anticipate a different future. The customs and traditions of their parents hold little attraction for them. Yet, ironically, as the two generations travel divergent paths, they need each other in order to survive in spirit ...As a minority group growing up in a foreign land, the young Indochinese are confronted with a n identity crisis. Straddling two cultures, they do not know where they truly belong. Most often they try to fit into American society, but their appearance, accent, and nlanneris~ns betray them as outsider^."^

Marilee Murphy Jensen stated that "families with adolesceilts had the highest

frequency of parent-child conflict".47 Studies by both Jensen, 1988, and Ledgelwood,

1990, studies on Canlbodians indicated tl~al the elders are losing control over their

"Ann Schapiro, "Adjustment and Identity For~nation of Lao Refugee Adolescents,"

46 James Banerian, "The Challenges Facing tlie Young Indochinese in America," Ths Bridge 7, no. 1 (Spring 1990): 9-1 0.

47 Marilee Murphy Jensen, "Cambodian Women Reflugees: Personal Perceptions of Their Rehgee Experience," (Master's thesis, University of Washington, 1988), 61.

children, their role changes, language barriers are many and many other aspects of conflict

are result of accult~~ration in the United States. "Parents spoke to their children in

Cambodian, and children answered in ~nglish.. ."'* Similarly, Smith-I-Jefner and Martin

Jensen, in a study about Khmer rehgees and especially Khmer women, discussed the roles

and responsibilities of the Cambodian mothers and daughters, how the Cambodian

tradition prevented the women from getting an education, and different aspects of conflict

between n~others and daughters. Smith-FJefiier tliscussed an identical concern that Hmong

daughters felt that their traditioii was imposed on them. In addition, Hmong parents as

well as Catnbodiail parents encouraged their cliildren to get an education in order to

become successfill individuals, yet when "face considerations and a family's reputation are

in jeopardy, edr~cational issues quickly become a secondary concern"." Consequently,

many young IImong and Cambodian girls end up as one of Run~baut and Iina's respondent

called them "a tragic waste of talent"." Smith-llefiier hrther concluded that, "...cultural

and social--organizational approaches to problems of education and cultural transmission

should not and cannot be separatedU.j' The Ilmong mothers and daughters are in a

situation siriiilar to the Cambodians.

Maintaining reputation is another issue that IIinong mothers and daughters, among

other Southeast Asian mothers and daughters, are facing because it represents honor and

48 Ibid., 66.

"Nancy J. Smith-I-Iefiier, "Education, Gender, and Generational Conilict among Khmer Icefilgees," Anthropoloav and Education Quarterly 24 (1 993): 1 5 1.

S"Rumbaut and Ima, op. cit., xix.

51 Nancy J. Smith-1-lefner, op. cit., 152.

respect to their families. It is a role that Southeast Asian women among many other

women liad t o obey because it is part of their strc~ngly patriarchal tradition. As a result,

problems arise when this particular group emigrates to another country whose tradition is

different, where girls no longer have to constantly worry about every little thing they do

that might affect them or they simply do not care since it's "America" that they now live in.

If the daughters adopt such behaviors as described above, they will nln into trouble with

their parents or mothers. As Sandra Ann Lew described:

Vietnamese women were supposed to bring honor and prestige to their families. If a woman did not maintain her reputation, others in the Vietnamese comnlunity , at school and in the local Vietnamese community might start a lot of negative rumors about her. Rumors often revolved around dating habits of Vietnamese women. For example, one runior started when a girl went on a date with a guy and did not marry

'Fhe above statenlent is a typical example of what may happen in Southeast Asian

cultures. Today, the younger ge~ierations are diiTerent and become more independent

regardless of the culttrral traditions. They adapt better to the mainstream, become

stronger and begin to rnake their own decisions. 'I'he following exaniple illustrates the

response of a young Southeast Asian in the U.S. to her disapproved behavior in the

community because she goes out a lot, wears too much make-up, and styles her hair in an

unt~sual way. She defends herself by saying, "People think of me as a bad girl, but I know

how I am. I like going out. I know I look wild, but T work, I'm a responsible person. I

cook for my morn when I get home. I have to clean the house and stuff like that".j3 This

52 Sandra Ann Lew, "Vietnamese Wonien in College: Their Experiences," Ph.D.

diss., Colorado State University, 1 990. (Ann Arbor: UMT, 1 990), 39.

53 Tbid., 49.

is a typical Southeast Asian girl who adopted the new bellavior and was careless with what

others may say

Another study by Barbara J. Dillinger further indicated the problems that Southeast

Asian youths encounter as they are pressured by families to be successhl. However, when

they adopt the charactesistics of Americans in order to be successful, they face difficulties

and run into conflict with their parents. Both l'lillinger and Kumbaut and Ima also

indicated that the Southeast Asian youth have been caught in what other researchers called

the "1.5 generation." These " 1.5generation" \yere born in their native country prior to

resettlement in the IJnited States and were caught between their parents, the "first

generation", and those who were born in the United States, the "second generation"

Furthermore, llillinger described that the Southeast Asian youth,

...are a bridge between two desperate cultures. They live in two worlds with two set of languages, rules, expectations, and customs ...they may acttially be considered within the context of four cultural systenls that are in constant interaction with one another: the Southeast Asian, particularly a specific ethnic group, the American, the refugee, and the adolescent in rapidly changing society. "5"

She further divided the Sou.Lheast Asian youth into four categories: (1) "Over-

Acciilturation", (2) "Under-acculturation", (3) "Alienation", and (4) "Biculturation". The

"Over-Acculturation" are those who are oriented towards the American culture more than

their own and the "Under-Acculturation" are the opposite for they identifl and cling vely

strongly toward their tradition; they rnay have a hard time adapting to their "modern

---- .-- - .- -~ - -------~.~ ~

5' Barbara J. Dillinger, "Adolescent Refugees: An Ethnographic Study of Vietnamese Youth in U.S. Schools," (Master's thesis, Michigan State University, 199O), 250.

American life". The "Alie~~ation" category contains those who do not belong to either

culture, whereas the "Biculturation" category contains those who identify themselves with

both cultures by selecting values and beliefs which will help then1 as they maintain the old

and adopt the new."

Burki's studies found that age was not a factor but the degree to which the girls

and women were what she called, "traditional", "transitional", and "modern" was. 56 The

"tradi~ional"are those who still cling to their traditions from their homeland. For instance

children are born at home, girls do not attend school, marriage occurs right after puber-ly

around 14-16 years of age, and learning occurs through observation and oral tradition.

The "transitional" on the other hand are those who value their traditions but are willing to

adapt to some Western values as well. For instance, they practice traditional medicine but

also use i~nrllunizations and antibiotics; girls no longer stay at home but attend school

although they receive no encouragement as the boys do to succeed. The "modern" type is

the type that practices Western values where they have their children born in hospitals,

learn by watching, imitating and through reasoned argument and asking qtlestions and

through education. This group tends to wait at least 3-5 years before marriage, have fewer

children and more space between pregna~~cies, work outside of the home and girls are

encouraged to excel." Burki summarized this as,

55 Burki, Elizabeth Anne, "Cambodian anti Laotian Mothers and Daughter in

Chicago: Surviving Crises and Negotiating Identities" Ph.D diss., Northwestern University, 1987 (Ann Arbor: UMI, 1987), 336.

The modcr~~ ideal type is very dif-ferent from a traditional type in almost every respect, and differs signilicantly from those who are transitional. The modern differs especially in areas of (1) fonnal education at expense of little inother learning; (2) utilization of western health therapies especially contraceptives, immunitations, and antibiotics; (3) high expectations for girl children; and (4) ability to work outside of home in professional or semi-professional capacity and to interact positively with strangers and authority figures.58

Studies of I-Imong in Laos

Robert Cooper and Nancy Donnelly described very well the traditional role of both

IImong wotnen and men. Donnelly's research also focused on the I-imong women's role

during war. This particular role is very important because it is a period where Hniong

women's roles are in transition from their traditional roles. Studies on the role of Hmong

wonlen during war and in refugee camps may also be found in Dia Cha's thesis, "Ijrnong

and Lao Rehgee Women: From the Perspective of a Hmong-American Woman

Antliropologist." '' Donnelly and her infornlants stated, "Men do all hunting and use

weal~ons, and they make or buy all the tools for farming and housework, even the looms

for weaving since women cannot make tools.. ."" The findings of the current study,

however, do not agree with the above statement. Some of my informants' husbands did

not stay with their families for months due to the war or other reasons; the women were

the only ones who could n~ake or buy the tools for farming and housework. It is true that

j9Dia Cl~a, "FImong and Lao Refugee Women: From the Perspective of a EImong-American Woman Anthropologist," hlaster's project, Northern Arizona University, 1992.

60 -Nancy D. Donnelly, " l h e Changing Lives of Refi~gee EImong Women," 1'11. D.

diss., University of Washington, 1989 (Ann Arbor: 1JM1, 199l), 78.

men did most ofthe Ilunting, but it clid not prevent bvomen from usiilg their weapons. As

a t-Irnong, 1 often heard elderly Ninong women complain about how tlieir husbands did iiot

help them around the farm and that they fixed their own tools. If they had waited for

their husbands to fix the tools, their children would have sta~ved. I agree with Cooper

because "it is difficult to imagine that a women who can work all day hoeing the opium

fields in the hot sun, carry a heavy pack for nine liours up a mountain, and chop down

thick undergrowth with a machete, could not cut down a tree with an ax ...".6' 111 addition,

my own grandmother did all the chopping of trees all her life because her husband was

hardly ever around to help. She actually chopped more trees than her husband and sons.

Patricia Veronic Symonds described the EImong women of northern Thailand as

similar to those of Laos. She described that when marriage occurs between cross-cousins

among the Hmong of Northern Thailand, tlie sister of the groom's father would be called

"aunt" instead of "mother-in-law".62 However, the Hmong of Laos would never use

"aunt" in such situation, but would always use "inother-in-law" with respect. 'I'raditionally,

should the parents or tlie aunt's brother and sister-in-law die, she can have influence on her

nephew's inarriage (her son-in-law for the Hmong of Laos). This practice is unfamiliar to

me as well as to the Ilmong people of Laos. Eight older IInlong women between their

late 40's and 75 were asked whether they were familiar with this practice but not a single

women knew or heard about it. One of the oldest women said to me, "In my life time, I

61 Robert Cooper, Kesourc&arcitv and the-TImonc?. Response, (Kent Ridge, Singapore: Singapore University Press, 1984), 1 37.

"Patricia Veronic Symonds, "Cosn~ology and the Cycle of Life: Hmong Views of Ri~th, Death and Gender in a Mountain Village in Northern Thailand," Ph. I>. diss., Brown University, 1991 (Ann Arbor: IJMT, 199I) , 153-54.

have never heard of such thing You (the groom) better call her mother-in-law if you

want to stay married to her daughtcr and show that you respect her. Maybe the Hmong in

Northern Thailand practice it but I sure never heard anything like that in Laos."

For the IImong of Laos, if cross-cousins got married, the aunt (bride's mother) will

always be called "mother-in-law" and should the uncle (groom's father) pass away, the

aunt will be called upon for the traditional Hmong filneral ceremonies. This is mentioned

because women being sisters plays an important role in the funeral ceren~onies. (For

further detail on I-lmong traditional funeral ceremonies, see study by Symonds, P. 1991 .)

A few of the many scholars who have good knowledge, have researched and

written articles and books about the Hmong people of Laos are: Dao Yang ,ITmon~41

The Turning Point, 1993, Hugo Bernatzik, Aklia and Miao, 1947, Jean Larteguy, La

Fabuleuse Aventure d11 Peuple de L'Opium," collab. Dao Yang, 1979, F.M. Savina,

Historire- des Miao, Gary Yia Lee, "The EfYects of Development Measures on the -

Socio-economy of the Mfhite Hmong," 198 1, and Bruce Rliatout, EImona S~ldden

Un~xpected Nocturnal Death Syndrome: A Cultural Study, 1982.

Research on Iimong Acci~lturation in the United States

Mary Ihighes did a study on a group of Hmong parents in Spokane, Washington,

about Hmong parenthood in the United States. Her research indicated that IImong

parents were divided in two groups, the "older generation" and the "middle generation".

The "older generation" includes those who were born in Laos and have difficulty adjusting

to the Atnerican society. These parents are still practicing their traditional style of

parenting like the one they used in 1,aos. The "middle generation" includes those who

were born in Laos yet are still young enough to "start over" again in this new setting, they

have some education, and speak fluently in English. Hughes concluded that the nliddle

generation "are able to forge survival strategies in the United States which are slightly

dif'ferent fiom those of their parents and older generations of Hniong parent^".^'

Hughes pointed out, "almost all of the parents expressed frustration that their

children were not listening to what they told them".a Furthermore, "As children are

growing up in the United States and attending American schools, they are breaking away

from the traditional and causing friction in parent-child relation^".^^ She also included

examples of role changes and provided the Mtnoilg cultural traits of trust and honesty,

cooperati011 between parents, hospitality, and changing gender roles and responsibilities.

Hughes also indicated that their children's new behaviors were caused by the fact that

children in this country receive a different message from school and another message fiom

home. Whereas, "ill Laos the children received the same messages about obedience and

respect from their teachers as they did fiom their parents and the society at

Vaughn Vang's study, also on Wmong parents and conflicts, shared the same

result as Hughes' study. However, Vang's sesearcli also showed that EImong parents

refused to adapt and adopt to American culture because the American legal system ~ -~ ~

"Mary IIughes, "I-Inlong Concept of Parenthood and the Family in the United States," (Master's thesis, Washington State University, 1990), 75.

Ibid.

""lid,, 69.

prohibited Hmong parents from disciplining theii children. EImong parents felt that tl~ey

had no control over their children. Children used the American legal system against their

parents' authority and claimed that they could do any thing they liked because they now

lived in a free country. This trailsition as Vang indicated, "...sometimes makes it

uriaccep1at)le for II~nong parents to adopt the American culture ". 67 Many I-lrnong parents

that 1talked to also shared the same concerns as those described above.

Researchers agree that Hmong girls have a lot Inore responsibilities than Hniong

hoys which adds more pressure and stress on the Hmong girls. A Ilmong college woman

also stressed the fact that the male youth do household chores on a volunteer basis and

marriage is a way of getting away from fiimily and home pressure, responsibilities, or a

way to get more freedom. She further mentioned the fact that there are more stigmas

attached to the IJinotlg fernale than there are to the I h ~ o n g male. Other studies by Tony

Vang, Jonas Vangay, and Rumbaut and Ima indicate that Hmong females are torn between

education and fariiilp.

Beth Goldsteiil also emphasizes that Titnong girls have very little time for leisure

ant1 very lit.tle adequate time for school work due to the home responsibilities placed on

them." She furilier concludes that I-Jmong parents want their children to be educated and

successhl but they themselves could not help the children and that they "do not have a

clear understanding ot'western educational processes or content because of their own lack

67Vaughn Vang, "Identifjling the Needs of ETmong Parents Experiencing Cultural Conflicts in American Society," (Master's thesis, University of Wisconsin-Stout, 1991), 15.

68 Beth Leah Goldstein, "Schooling for Cultural Transition: Hmong Girls and Boys in American High Schools," (Ph.D. diss., University of' Wisconsin-Madison, 1985), 1 12.

of s c l ~ o o l i n g . " ~ ~ l ~ e n Goltlstciil iall<etlabout Iliinol~g girls altencli~lg the same sclnool

with their male brothers or cousins in order for the male to chaperon them, 1was surprised

to find that Goldstein found "chaperon" being a "good reason to alleviate some of the girls

worries about being 'captured' by a Hmong suitol-".7" I have never heard any of my

informants menticned this as a concern nor have T ever heard of such an interesting

observation from any Hn~ong girls sitice my youth up to present.

. Research further indicated that H~nong parents and tradition placed more

responsibilities at home on Elmong dai~ghters than any other group which rnay affect them

acadeniically. Mao Yang's research on a group of Hrnong women between the ages of 19

and 26 further indicated that "traditional Hmong women were brought up to have a low

self-image, and this is hard to She further stated ,"The expectations of the

family, especially the parents, put a lot of pressure on young people".'' She also indicated

the importance of keeping t l ~ e family name clean and the fact that Hnlong families expect

more from the boys than they do of the girls. As a result, boys tend to have more

"freedom and rights" than the girls. The boys further undergo more pressure whereas the

females are limited in their options and choices. Boys undergo more pressure because

parents expect inore fiom them and for them to succeed academically in school than they

do of the girls. Mao Yang's finding stated that parents expected more from boys but she

7' Mao Yang, "The Education of EImong Women." Vietnam Generation 2, no. 3 ( I 990) : 74.

72 Ibid., 75.

did not specifically explain what it was that was expected more of the boys. According to

my knowledge and for being a native Hinong and having two brothers, Jlmong parents

expect more from boys because the boys are the ones to carry on the family name,

traditions, and rituals. Furthermore, they will be expected to be the head of the housellold

who looks after the stability of the family. Therefore, the boys must perform well in

whatever they do; earn good grades, graduate, have a good paying job and more. It is no

secret that the I Imong youngsters are still marrying at an young age. However, there are

reasons for such indications. 'l'ony Varrg's research on Hmong young adolescent girls and

high school dropouts and Mao Yang's research on Hnlong women in higher education

indicated similar reasons as to why ITnlong girls are still marrying at a young age because

of peer pressure, pregnancy before and following marriage, and to escape from problems

at horne.

David Moore als3 identifies three categories of young Hmong in his oral history of

Htnong teenagers in hlinneapolis, Minnesota. He called them "American-IImongs", the

"IJmong-An~ericans", and the "Rebels". Moore stated, "Every FImong youth is a rnix of

all three of these types, arid whichever .type predominates in any one individual may be due

a1 least partly to luck or circ~mstance."~~ The American-Hmongs are those who attempt

to succeed in American terms and yet maintain their value and identity. They try to make

possible a situation in which they are the liaison between both worlds willlout offending

their elders. The I-Irno11g-An7erica1ls on the other hand are those who continue practicing

more of the EJ~tiong way and their issue is simple survival. They are not necessarily trying

-- - .- ~ -

71 David L. Moore, "Between Cultures: Oral History of T-In~ong Teenagers in Minneapolis," Vietna~nGe~ieration2, no. 3 (1990): 49.

to assimilate into the mainstream, but merely trying to make a life for the~nselves and their

family. The Rebels are those who have co~npletely rejected his or her primary cultural

values as well as those of his or her adopted culture, but "grasped onto a caricature of

American culture" such as popular music, heavy metal, fast cars, flashy outrageous dress,

and sometimes are in trouble with the police ...all are unacceptable behaviors for the

I-Tmong parents.

Fortunately, I have had opportunities to observe many young married Hmong

women who have degrees and also play important roles in both Ilmong and American

cornmunities. The I-Imong women's role in the community oRen earn criticism fr-om their

husbands' side of the family saying, "don't let your wife walk over you or you'll be

worthless." Some Hinong believe that women should stay home and raise children while

the men should be more educated and autonomous than their partners. Men are perceived

as caretakers of their families and more involved with the community. Furthermore, when

women are more educated and more involved in the comniunity than their husbands, the

husband's relatives believe that the husbands are not "real men." Another very comnlon

saying about this situation, "She (the wife) gets more education and she may leave you if

you just sit around or work all the time and don't have any education." This newly

emerging role of fTmong women not only adds confksion for the married couple but also

creates doubts between the wives and their husbands. A woman's new role today not

only strengthens the man-woman relationship, but also becomes a threat to traditional

male dominance. This creates conflict between the married couple if they do not

understand and support each other, but instead let others influence their lives. Padee

36

Yang, the director of tlie Hmong American Partnership, stated in an article, "Many

f'amilies raise their girls to be good daughters-in-law and wives. In our culture, the males

make the decision. If a woman speaks up, she is considered pushy and She

further elaborated, "There is a lot of pressure on girls to conform because our community

looks at smart girls as a 'handicapped' group because men are afraid to marry them".75 I

disagree with Padee Yang regarding educated girls as a "handicapped" group to the

Ilmong community. Hmong men may be afraid to marry educated Hmong women

because of their being lriore educated and it will look bad on the men's part because the

men may have to depend more on their women. But I do not think the Nnlong community

ever look at educated Hmong girls or women as "handicapped. " Some may, if the

educated female starts to perform unacceptable behaviors, such as having an affair with

someone else's husband. This to the Nmong is an example role a bad model. They then

will look upon the educated female as a "handicapped." In the same article, Bliayao

Moua, the director of the Hmong Youth Association agreed, "Hmong girls lead double

lives. In school they try to act like American teens, but when they walk through the doors

of their homes, they have to speak I-Imong and change their wllole demeanor".76

74 Amanda Terry, "A Tale of Two Cultures: Hmong Girls Caught in a Tug of War," Star Tribune, 5 July 1993: B7.

Cappelletty stated, "In the United States, the roles of people are not the same, not as

clearly defined as, and not consistent with, the Hniong tradition and culture."77

But for many Hnlong-American girls, growing up in America is a cultural tug of war between the values of their U.S. peers and their Hmong parents. Once Hmong girls overcome the language barrier, they must sort through the mixed messages of this 'liberated' society and the traditional male-dominated Hmong cu1tu1-e.~~

Many Hmong mothers stated that mothers were the way they were because they

did not have other option and because they were brought up in a particillar way and that

is, the way that their mothers and culture brought them up. Some of my daughter

informants also indicated that they did not blame their mothers because their mothers did

not know any other ways except the ways they were brought up by their own mothers.

The S a Francisco Chronicle described an emotional conversation between a 1-imong

mother and her daughter. The daughter was shocked when her mother praised her for the

first time in her life which was very unusual for a Hmong mother. The mother described

her relationship with her own mother to her daughter, "I worked so hard for her. Every

night, before washing the dishes, sweeping the floor, and preparing rice for tomorrow's

meal, I would go into my parents' bedroom, wash thek feet with warm water, and tuck

them in for the night. My mother never once said, "Thank you," or "Chee Lee, you're a

good She elaborated, "Nothing was ever good enough for my mother. I was glad

- ----- -- ----- ----- ..----. -- . - -- --- - - -- -77 Gordon Guy Cappelletty, "Factors AiTecting Psycliological Distress Within The

Mmong Refilgee Community," (Ph. D. diss.,, California School of Professional Psychology, Fresno, 1986), 34.

78 Amanda Terry, op. cit., B7

79 Vang Vang, "A Mother's Day Tale: Test of Love, Tradition; Culture Gap Kept

Mom, Daughter Apart," The San Francisco Chronicle, 8 May 1993:B-1.

to leave her when I married your father".80 She confessed, "I told you this shameful story

for a reason. Yes, I have Inany children, and I love ihem all. But you are my first child,

the first in everything to me. I've been very strict and hard on you, but I raised you in the

only way I know how. I am proud of you".81 The daughter said, "Growing up, my mother

had never initiated a serious conversation witli me. It was always lectures about my

attitude, clothes and hair style; about how 1 have to control my anger and thirst for

knowledge in order to be a good wife."82

Phua Xiong, at the National Association for Asian and Pacific American

Education, 13th Annual Conference in Pasadena, California, and Dia Cha, suggested that

llmong women and mothers have stepped out of their traditional roles since the war and

life in the camps prior to resettlement in the United States. Xiong also indicated,

"...schooling and educational opportunities in this country have created a gap between the

illiterate older generation and the literate younger genera t i~n" .~~ In addition, she stated,

"...a daughter feels forced to decide whether she wants to succeed in EImong terms or

American terms.".84 This choice is the determitialit factor in her life whether she succeeds

or fails the test that her tradition imposes on her. "If she chooses to be successfil in

'"bid.

" Ibid.

"lbid.

83 Phua Xiong, "Invisible Visible Leader: Hmong Women's Path and Struggle Toward Empowerment," (Paper presented at the National Association for Asian and Pacific American Education, 13th Annual Conference, Pasadena, CA, May 1-4, 1993), 3

American ternls and manages to maintain a good pi~blic image, she would earn the respect

of her community. However, if she does not succeed, then her failure will be used by

others as the reason why women should not go against the advice of their male

counterparts or their parent^."'^ Hmong girls end up paying prices for their successes and

being condemned for their failures. Furthermore, this choice often creates conflict

between FImong mothers and daughters as the daughters fail to succeed. However,

today's E-lmong mothers are beginning to see a broader view of the woman's role and to

realize lhat they need to gradually change and become individuals.

The EJmong are changing and adapting in every aspect of their lives. Some adapt

faster than others. Meredith and Rowe shared the same view that after resettlement the

Hn~ong have changed. They elaborated:

The results seem to indicate that the Lao Hmong have experienced some change in terms of marriage attitudes as a result of their dramatic cultural transformation. Several aspects have experienced significant change, namely attitudes concerning polygamous marriages, tlie bride price, age of marriage, and general views on equality within marriage. These changes have been away from the cult~irally prevalent views held by the Lao Hmong in Laos toward views more accepted in the United States."R6

The rate of acculturation is different for all people in the world who are trying to adapt

and adjust to a foreign culture. Although the United States is the leading country in

William II . Meredith and George 1'. Rowe, "Changes in Lao Hmong Marital Altitudes After Immigrating to the United States," Journal of Comparative Family Studies 17 (1987): 125.

technology, there are some born in America, who have had a formal education, but are

illiterate in their own technology.

In a current newspaper article about the ITn~ong, Mark Arax wrote, "as for

deep-rooted cultural rites suc11 as early marriage, they say America must be patient.

Fifleen years is but a blip in the passage of one of the world's oldest and most primitive

tribe^".'^ It is certainly true that Hmong people have a most difllcult time adjusting to the

American society but it does not condemn !hem to be "the most primitive tribes." The

word "primitive" has a pejorative connotation and degrades the Hmong people greatly.

Dr. Yang Dao pursued this downgrading of the IImong people further by responding to

three well-known newspapers in Los Angeles, New York, and Twin Cities

(MinneapolisISt. Paul), calling the Hmong a "primitive" people. This "label" was

"surprising" and "shocking" to him. He responded, "I do not understand what criteria the

author used. I wonder whether he gave this label to the Hmoiig in the United States

because tlley cannot speak English, they do not llave the American way OFthinking, they

are not aware of American system or they are less intelligent than American people."88 I-le

further questioned, "Could we qualify those people as 'primitive' because they do not

know the language and are not capable of practicing c,ustoms of a foreign country?"89 Dr.

Yang Dao wondered "...how these 'primitive' Hmong, Native Americans, African

X7MarkArax, "The Child Brides of California," Los Anseles Time, 4 May 1993: A l .

88 Dao Yang, "Those Who Would Call Them 'Primitive' Don't Know History OF Hrnong People, "Saint Paul Pioneer Press, 2 1 January 199 1 : A10.

---

'Pygmies' and 'bushmen' were able to survive persecution, assimilation and destruction

across centuries while other people disappeared from human memories."'O

Further, Mark Arax quoted Wendy Walker saying, "Every single immigrant group

bas bowed to the pressures of the American lifestyle. Among Southeast Asians, the

Cambodians have responded So have the Lao. The Vietnamese. But the I11nong have

resisted.""' In fact, every immigrant group like the English, French, Chinese, Jewish,

Italian, Portuguese, German and many others who came to America created their own

"American lifestyle" and accepted it accordingly. The Hmong did not resist the American

lifestyle as stated above. They were never came in contact with any Western civilizations

before and suddenly "they have jumped 2000 years in a matter of a few days,"" and face

daily problems like language barriers, unemployment, poverty, depression and fnlstration.

In a short period of time, Hmong people Ilavz begun to break away fiom their

tradition and search for opportunities to succeed in America. There are hundreds of

Jlinong students graduating each year froru universities and colleges throughout the

Ilnited States. "It is tremendous progress when, in 1939, there were only nine Hmong

students in elementary schools in all of ~aos . "" Today, "Hmong are at the turning point"

as they come to understand the American ways of life, thirst for knowledge and envy

-.- - .-- -

Ibid.

91 Ai-ax, op. cit.

9'Gary E. Swan and Edward Twata, "Laotians Start Over Tn Valley," Sail Franciscc) Chronicle, 2 1 May 1 983 : 7.

success. We should expect that conflicts of all kinds will occur within Hmong families,

and encourage ongoing, in-depth research studies lo better understand these conflicts.

Chapter 3

METI-IODOLOGY

Because roles of both IImong mothers and daughters have changed significantly,

these changes often result in conflict and misunderstanding. An example of a mother-

daughter conflict was observed by the author in 1991: A young girl at the age of 13 went

with her mothel- to her uncle's house to pick up her grandmother. Her mother and uncle

talked for a couple of ~ninutes while the girl was waiting in the car (she had chosen to wait

in the car). When her grandmother and mother came back into the car, she yelled and

kicked her mother's head from the back seat where she was sitting. The mother did not

say or do anything. The girl said to her mother, "Bitch, you took too long. I want you to

go to the store and buy me a pair of shoes now!" The mother responded, "I don't have

any n~oney." The daughter replied, "You pig, you spend all the money my dad gave to

you." The grandmother sat there and was shocked. She did not speak up, whereas

grandmothers uw~ally did in the past. Later, T asked the mother why she did not say

anything to her daughter. The mother responded, "There is nothing to say. I am very

tired of talking and dealing with my daughter. When I think about my daughter's

behavior, my heart aches and my brain hurts." (Author's translation from FJmong)

Mothers have asked the author many questions regarding their daughters'

behaviors. The mothers complain that they cannot communicate with their daughters as

they did with their own mothers in Laos. As this mother confided:

1don't know what to do with my daughter anymore. She has a hard head. Anything I say to her does not seem to reach her ears. When ever I ask her to do something, she goes to her room and shuts the door. She's only 14 years old and yet she talks on the phone for hours. When 1 ask her to stop, she gets mad and talks back to me. She says things in English which I do not understand. During my years of growing up in Laos, I have never ever seen a child behave this way towards their parents Girls never raise their voice at their mothers or elders. I don't know what to do anymore. J don't know whether it's because of me or the society which we live in today. Kids have too much freedom and they do not care what will happen to their fiiture life. They are free to do whatever they choose to do and want to do. I don't know what else to do any more.'"

The daughter in this case sees things differently as demonstrated in the comments

she made in a letter written to the auillor. She wrote in English:

One thing that she [the girl's mother] doesn't understand is that this is the United States and she has to be more Americanized or in better words, more civilized. She doesn't understand the fact that this is the 90's and teenagers nowadays want to be cool and in style. In my opinion, I think that we'd be more communicative if she was more civilized and understand about how hard it is for a teenager to grow up.''

Cohn has stated, "Sorne of the cultural adjustment problems that arise in families are due

to the discontintrities between the experiences of Hmong parents and new experiences of

their children."96 As a result of the autlior's experience with E-Imong mothers and their

daughters' new behaviors, she decided to do her research with the E-Imong mothers and

their biological daugliters

For n1y own research, face-to-Face interviews with informants was the primary

94 I-Imong mother, Interview with author, 8 Dec. 1991 .

95 I-Imong daughter, Letter to author, 15 Nov. 1991.

96 Mary Cohn, "Ilinong Youth and the Hrnong Future in Anlerica," The Hrnong in Transition, eds. Glenn L. Hendricks, Bruce T. Downing, and Amos S. Geinard (Staten Island, NY: Center for Migration Studies, 1986), 200.

methodology. In selecting inforniants, it was assumed that most Hmong families in

Merced had a telephone because it is an important and most convenient tool for

communication in this country. Therefore, one fiimily name from each clan was randomly

selected and contacted. The author explained to the parents the purpose of tlie researdi.

If the mother answered the phone, the author informed the mother of the purpose of the

call. The mother then asked the author to wait while she spoke to her husband. Most of

the parents responded that they did not have a daughter in high school or simply advised

the author to ask someone else. Some of tlie parents were suspicious about tlie author's

calls because they were afraid that the author was from some department investigating the

families. They asked many questions such as, "Why are you doing this research? Who

sent you and what for?" It is also true that most of the parents have never been asked to

participate in any interview for research before. As a result, all of them refused to

participate.

Since this sampling methodology failed, a list of all Southeast Asian female

students in Merced North Campus High School who were enrolled in the loth, 1 lth and

12111 grade was obtained. Hmong female students were readily identified because the

I-Imong have less than twenty clan surnames and the author is familiar with female first

names.

Once all the Hmong girls were identified, one girl fi-om each clan was randomly

selected. Only thirteen clan names were represented at Merced North Campus High

School. These were: Cha, Hang, Her, Kong, Lo, Ly, Moua, Pha, Thao, Vang, Vue,

Xiong, and Yang. There was only one girl who belonged to the Pha clan. She is married

and lives in Merced while her biological mother lives out of town. As a result, she was

excluded from the interview

The Vang clan daughter refused because dle said she did not have the ti~ne. She

had many responsibilities with her in-laws and could not afford to spend the time

necessary to participate in the study. On the other hand, her mother participated and

explained the hardship and obstacles her daughter has to face being married at a young

age. The daughter had been "kidnapped for marriage" by the mother's brother's son for a

bride. The Vang clan then was excluded.

The Yang clan daughter was also married and willing to be interviewed. She was

vely informative. IJowever, her mother had remarried and the step-father refilsed to give

out their phone number. The daughter did not know their new phone number and had

been ordered by the step-father not to give it to anyone. The Yang clan was thus excluded

from the interview.

Finally, the IJer mother and daughter both agreed to participate, but less than an

hour before the interview, the daughter withdrew from the interview because her husband

would not allow her to participate. Of all the four clans, Pha, Yang, Vang, and Iler had

refiised or were unable to participate in the research; all were married and did not live with

their biological parents. These four clans were excluded because of the absence of either

the mother or the daughter, leaving the total sample to be ten mothers and ten daughters.

Initially all the mothers stated that they would not know how to help or provide

the right answers; they did not have any knowledge because they did not have any

education, and they might not say what the author is looking for-. They were assured that

tliey would not be asked about anything of wliicl~ tliey would not have knowledge and that

tliey should just be themselves. In addition, they were asked to talk about their lives as

I-Imong females and were asked questions regarding their daughters. It was as informal as

a conversation. They agreed to tly. They expressed concern that nothing would be

gained fiom their answers. They were advised that if for any reason they did not want to

answer or talk about a question, it would be excluded. The daughters, on the other hand,

simply asked what the questions were going to be used for and why the research was

being done.

Qoestionnaire

Two interview schedules were designed, one for the mothers and one for the

daughters. (See Appendix, p.137). Both questionnaires were written in English. The

queslions were designed to gather information about the informants' backgrounds,

families, relationship with their mothers or daughters, potential problems, level of

education, and compai-ison of life style between the United States and Laos. The

qilestionnaires were designed to allow a free flow of conversation between researcher and

informants. These questionnaires were effective because they gave the informants the

oppo~tunity to express their points of view concerning their new environments, their

concerns, their daily problems, and their frustrations. Finally, the questions allowed the

informants to go into depth because there were no limits and no right or wrong answers.

Administration of Questionnaire

These questions were not intended to provide statistical data to explain the conflict

phenomenon. Instead, the questions were used to identify any potential conflict and

possible solution to ease the transfer of culture from tlie Hmong culture to the American

culture and the rate of adaptation between these FIn~ong mothers and daughters in this

new setting. Because of the complexity of the problem, the author wanted in-depth

interviews and adnii~iistered the questions herself rather than giving the questionnaires to

the informants to answer. Most of the mothers could not read and write English and

could not coinplete a survey instrument. Direct iriterviews avoided secondary

interpretation of the informants' answers by translators or intermediaries; the questions and

responses otherwise could have been inconsistently translated. Additionally a mother

might ask her own daughter to translate or even answer all the questions for her. As a

result, the findings would have been skewed.

Althougli all the daughters know how to read and write English, the author wanted

to make sure that the questions were understood correctly and answered thoroughly.

Therefore, tlie author also administrated the daughters' questionnaires. A face-to-face

interview would allow the informants to ask more qiiestions for clarification and to

express tl~en~selves more easily in their own language. It also encouraged open

discussions and more interaction. In order to place respondents at ease, however, each

was allowed to select her preferred location and medium for the interview. IIalf of the

informants were interviewed over the telephone and the other half were conducted in the

informants' homes. The questions were asked with the same manner whether by telephone

or face-to-face. The questions were delivered entirely in Hmong to the mothers and in a

combination of 1-Imong and English to the daughters.

The inothers and daughters were interviewed separately. I-Iowever, three of

mothers were present while the daughters were being interviewed. The author noticed

that the mothers were there intentionally to hear what the daughters had to say. In one

particular interview, when the daughter claimed that her mother did not understand her,

the mother sat in the same room and listened to most of the conversation. The daughter

becanie reluctant to answer completely, and most of the time she spoke in English. The

author noticed that the expression on the daughter's face and her tone of voice changed

while her mother was in tlle same room. She was not as expressive as she was when the

mother was absent.

The interviews with each of the daughters lasted about two to three hours,

whereas interviews with the mothers lasted an average of thirty minutes to an hour longer

than those of their daughters. Most of the tirne, the mother went off the sul~ject but the

author did not want to offend by interrupting tbern. It was very important culturally to

show respect toward the informants, especially the elder ones. The daughters tended to

reniain focused during the interviews. It is important to note that throughout the

interview where appropriate, the daughters responded with the word "parents" rather than

"motller" and the mothers occasionally did the same with their daughters in terms of

"children". They responded the way they did because the questions may pertain to not just

the mothers and daughters but to both the parents and children.

Limitations

My research was limited to Hmong mothers with tlieir biological daughters wllo

were enrolled in Merced North Campus High School. These are IImong mothers who

were born in Laos and married in Laos. Most of the daughters were also born in Laos but

they were raised it1 the United States. They ranged from 10th to 12th graders. These

selected Hmong mothers and daughters represent a particuIar impacted commi~nity but

inay not represent all the 1Imong in the United States or the world. This study was

conducted through i~ltelviews and observatiolls ilr the time period from 1992to 1994.

The research took place in both formal and informal settings such as school, at

ceremonies, the work place, pubIic places, homes, at community events, and conferences.

The author also draws on her own experiences as a Hmong female born into a Hmong

family in Laos, having Hmong as her native tongue, having lived in refhgee camps and

finally, growing up in the United States.

Chapter 4

THE HISTORY AND TRADITIONAL CULTURE OF THE

HNIONG PEOPLE

Introduction

The legacy of ally advanced civilization is first inherited from its traditional life

style. This transitional era of the Hrnong in America ofliers clues in ur~derstanding how a

culture evolves through time and how it adapts with other cultures. It is also true that

conilict exists among the same group of people who have a different rate of adaptation to

another culture. Cultural and historical backgrounds are a significant component to this

research. This chapter will describe the migrations, traditional life style, family structure,

marriage, roles and responsibilities of the Hmong women in Laos and the education of the

Iiinong people.

To understand this transitional time, it is crucial in this study to clearly understand

the history aiid the culture of the Wmong people along with Hmong women's role and

responsibilities in the context of traditional life style. This basic background serves to help

identify potential conflict as acculturation takes place in this new setting.

The Migration Pattern of the Jimong People

Historical events cat~sed the I-Imong to migrate into the highlands of northern

Laos, Vietnam, Burma, and Thailand beginning in the early 1800 's .~~ Before then, the

- -- .- - ---- -- ---

"Yang, "The Hmong: Enduring Traditions," op. cit., 253-64.

Hmong people lived somewhere in China. As Dao Yang described, "The Hmong are one

of the most ancient people in Asia. Their ancestors, they say, cultivated the plains of the

Blue River and the Yellow River in China. There they expanded and became prosperous

under the watchfill care of the spirits of their ancestor^."^^ In addition, the Hmong "...lived

in a kingdom called the 'Country of the Yellow River', a fertile area located between the

Hoang Ho River and the Yang Tsekiang R i ~ e r . " ~ ~ u l t i v a t i n g along the Yellow River, this

fertile area was probably the most prosperous time for the Hmong people. Beginning in

the 26th century B.C., this peacehl life was interrupted by the suppression of the Yellow

Emperor which forced the IImong to move southward, "into the mountains of Guizhou

and Y~nnan" ."~ The Hmong had to defend theinselves against their antagonists until the

middle of the 18th century, when the Hmong were finally defeated, they undertook an

historic migration through the mountain passes and the valleys of South China into the

highlands of North Vietnam, Laos, Thailand, and Burma.'" As Dao Yang further

described,

A great number of the survivors eventually faced humiliation, jail, and death. Thousands of families undertook their historic migration toward the mouth [sic] of the great rivers, continually moving through the nlountains and constantly defending themselves in order to remain free men and women. Always following the ridge line of the mountains, these

98Dao Yang, "Why Did the Hmong Leave Laos?" The Hmoncr in the West, ecis. Bruce T. Downing and Douglas P. Olney (Minneapolis: University of Minnesota, 198I), 6.

99 Yang, "The Hmong, Enduring Traditions," op. cit., 259.

loo Ibid., 258.

101 Bruce Thowpaou Bliatout, et al., H ~ d b o o k for Teaching Hmong-Speakins Students, (Folsom Cordova, CA: Folsom Cordova Uniiied School District), 1-3.

fimilies walked with a backpack, 1101di11g children by the hand and pushing their cattle and horses ahead of them, searching for an imagined Eldorado, unaware that they had just begun one of the tongest adventures of human history.'02

The Ijmong population in Laos consisted of approximately 300,000 people, the

~najority of whom established their llomes on the mountains which spread over nine

provinces in the northern part of the country.'03 In earlier studies by the French and

others, the Hmong are referred to as the Meau, also spelled Miao or Mao. According to

researchers, the word "Meau" has been interpreted in many ways. Rased on Bernatzik's

research, the word "hleau" has been translated as follows: "...were named after cats by

the Chinese," "...characterize the catlike skills of the Meau in climbing their mountains,"

"...the howling or cry of the hyena," "...the basis of -the agricultural activities of the

Meau," "...son of the soil," "...designate foreigners, that is, non-Chinese, and ,to be sure,

with reference to the 'tillers of the soil,' 'the peasants,' and ...are the people of the soil, the

farmers, who do not belong to the 'Great Nation,"' "...'boorish peasant' or 'country

bumpkin,"' "...'rice planter'. .." "The Meau are given different names by the various peoples

and tribes with whom they come into contact.". For instance, the Thai of Kweichow call

them "Yeau"; in South China, they are call "Mro"; in French I,aos, "Mang, Mong,

MII,ong, Siamese, Laos, Karnuk Yau; Schan and Tin call them , "h4eau"; the Chinese call

them, "Meaotse". Finally, they call themselves, "H'mong" or "Hmong". It means simply

"human being," or "free people",'" a trait valued and important to all the Hmong. They

are "of people proud and independent with cultures dating back to 2,000 B.c.".'"~ - -~-- .. -. .- .-

lo' Yang, "Why Did the Hmong Leave Laos," op. cit., 6.

'03 Ibid., 3 .

Throughout the centuries of conflict, resettlement and re-resettlement, the Hmong

people have been characterized by some as "the Man barbarian", by others "lazy people".

But those who came to know the Hmong people through direct contact have a ditrerent

perspective,

The FImong are polite without fawning, proud but not impressed. Hospitable without being pushy; discreet respecters of personal liberty who demand only that their liberty be respected in turn. People who do not steal or lie. SeIf-sufficient people who showed no trace ofjealousy of an outsider who said he wanted to live like a Hmong yet owned an expensive motorcycle, a tape-recorder, cameras, and who never had to work for a living.

Traditional Life Style

In Laos the Hmong lived in scattered villages ranging from fifteen to twenty

houses. Usually, villages were located at high attitude and were always near a stream or a

small river.Io7 IFouses were constructed with bamboo and wood. They usually had thatch

roofs, and were airy and open allowing air to flow for comfort and health in humid tropical

climates.

Many activities took place in tlie village, including trading, ceremonies to celebrate

birth, marriages and deaths; many games and sports; daily tasks such as sharpening knives,

grinding grain and cooking. When a village was first settled, families' farm fields were

10.4 I-Iugo A. Bernatzik, Akha and Miao, (New Haven: IFuman Relations Area Files, 1970), 7-9.

105 Jane Hamilton-Merritt, Hmong and Yao: Mountain People of Southeast Asia, (Redding Ridge, CT: SURVIVE, l982), n.p.

106 Cooper, op. cit., xvii.

107Lee, op. cit., 21.

near the village. As years passed, the closer fields becanie exhausted and were abandoned

to the recovering jungle. New fields further from the village would be cleared and burned

to release the nutrienis locked in the fallen vegetation. After 15 to 18 years, a farmer's

field might be a full day's travel by foot From the village. During times of heavy labor

needs, such as planting, weeding and harvesting, the whole family might stay in a small

field hut for several wedls. At times like this, the village was quiet and mostly abandoned,

except for any older children who might have becri left behind to care for livestock, and

one or two adults who stayed to help in emergencies.

In the field and garden, the Hnlong also harvested a great variety of crops,

including rice, corn, beans, squash, potatoes, cuc~~mbers, melons, tnustard and other

greens, cassava, sweet potatoes and sugar cane. Mint, cliilies, lemon grass and spices

were used frequeiltly in cooking and herbal plants were planted in a tiny garden close to

each house. Fruits such as bananas, pineapples, nlangoes, and rnany others added even

greater variety and nutrition to the diet. 'The Hrnor~g also raised lots of chickens, ducks,

geese, pigs, goats, as well as some water buihloes and cattle which added protein to the

diet, aloilg with draft power, and some cash if they were sold. Horses were the only and

fairly common form of transportation and were especially important as beasts of burden

when the titne came to move the entire village to a new site because the land in practical

walking distance of the village had been exhausted.

A typical day of the Hmong traditional life style started early, about 5:00 o'clock in

the morning, and the hlnily members working in the field might not return home until

6:00or 7:00o'clock in the evening. Then there was water to be fetched, fires to build,

and the evening meal to prepare. When the meal was finished, grandfather, father, and

brothers often gathered around the warm hearth to tell stories, and the grandmother,

mother and daughters listened and sewed while the baby slept.

Family Structure

The H~nong clan system is based on 19 patriarchal groups distinguished one from

the other. The Ilmong can be firther distinguished among themselves by nuances in

dialects. The two major speaking dialects are green (blue) Hmong and white Hmong.

Table 4.1

IImong Clan Name Written in English and Hmong. *Popular Clans.

- -

Chang (Cha) Her* Vang* Tsab FIawj Li s

Cheng Khang Moua* Tsheej Khab Muas

Chue Kong Phang Xiong* Tswb Koo Phab Xyooj

Fang Kue* Tang Yang* I?a.i Kws Teeb Yaj

Hang Lor (Lo)* Thao (Thor)* Ham 1,auj Thoj

In every village, an elder was appointed by the Lao government to be the headman

of the village. His house was located in the center of the village. Usually fanlilies in a

village were from one clan; if there was more than one clan in the village, then strong

marriage ties formed close bonds between clans. Life in the village was a life among

Fd111ily and fiiends, eveiyone knew eveiyone else. Families lived together in extended

family household of 15 to 20 people, including grandfather, grandmother, father, mother,

the children, and sometimes an uncle and an aunt and their children.

In addition, every clan had a headnran who acted as the leader. He was not

appointed by Lao officials but was appointed by the members of the clan. Usually the

headman was an older man. His duties ranged fioni counselor to giving advice on

bridelgroom compatibility to resolving internal disputes among clan members and between

other clan headmen. The Flmong appointed elders as headmen because they "saw more

moon" than the youngsters and they were wiser in decision-making. In Hmong culture,

increasiiig age always brought increasing respect and wisdom.

In Laos, most 1Imong people were farmers and they possessed many other skills.

I n the village, they helped each other build and repair houses. During the harvest seasons,

they exchanged labor because most of the people could not afford to pay for extra labor.

Every family provided a capable member to work with a designated family for a certain

period upon agreetnent. After such time, other finlily members would come to

compensate their times respectively. This was a very difficult time for families with a few

number of cllildren and very young children because parents could not afford to send a

member for the exchange of labor. Consequently, one parent had to work for the

exchange process which would slow down that fan~ily's harvest. This was one of the

reasons that Hrnong usually had large families with an average of seven children. The

elderly said that the high rate of birth in Laos was due to labor demand, high rates of

infant mortality, and to "replenish the earth with most numbers of off~pring". '~" ~

1OX May Nyau Moua, Personal interview, 20 November 1993.

NIarriage

Marriage is an important event in the Hmong culture to ensure the survival of the

culture and its social relationships. Traditional marriage was mostly arranged by the

parents of both sides, the couple eloped or the bride simply was "captured." This is an

acceptable practice or norm within the Hnlong society.

Most Hmong marriages are arranged between the fathers of the bride and groom and take account of the wishes of both marriage partners. I-Towever, there is another style of marriage which accentuates the dominance of the male in the n~an/wife relationship. If a man's request to marry a girl is rehsed by her father, or even by her, he may arrange with some friends to kidnap her and bring her to his house or to the house of one on his clansmen. She is held for twenty-four hours after which time a messenger is sent to the father with news of thefirif ncconipli and discussions for bride price begin. It is possible for the girl to object to any marriage although she would need to possess a particularly strong characler, or aversion to the prospective groorn, to go against her father's wishes.'0g

The I-Imong believed that the parents had to approve the girl in question before a

marriage could take place. This approval indicated that their future daughter-in-law

would be able to please them, listen to tlienl, be accepted by family members, and able to

care f i r the family's responsibilities including cooking, cleaning, household chores, family

ceremonies, farming, and other tasks.

A Hmong girl would never talk back to any adult, especially her parents and

parents-in-law. The I-lmong have a saying that, " if one obeys the parents and the elders,

her life will be full of prosperity". Love was not the basis for a marriage in traditional

H~nong communities as Dr. Mai Ban Trang contrasted with American point of view, "our

109 Cooper, op. cit., 143.

n~arriage is the beginning of a love affair" and "your marriage is the happy end of a

romance." "O Hmong believed that love came after marriage, a couple learned to love

each other after they were married. This way the marriage would last forever.

The I-Imong practice exogamy or n ia~~iage outside of the clan. Members of the

same clan or surname can not marry to each other. They respect one another as "brothers

and sisters". Even though exogamous marriage was the preferred practice in the

community, a few clans were exceptions to the rule because of historical events that took

place long ago. One exception to the rille is shown by the following quote,

Members of related clans do not marry because both clans are related historically in some cultural context. An example of this would be members of the Thao and Kue clans (who generally accept the legendary theory that the Kue were members of the Thao clan but became disengaged with that clan due to some mysterio~is events). However, the problem is enforcement: no sanction can be imposed upon violators. A marriage in violation of suc11 prohibitions would be likely to be condemned rather than to be declared invalid. Therefore the system depends largely on the willingness of the people to conform.'"

Marriage between different generations is forbidden. However, marriage between

cross-cousins (a brotller's son to a sister's daughter- or vice versa) is very comtnon and is

still practiced in the IImong comn~unity today. Yet, on the other hand, it is forbidden for

step-cousins to marry each other. For instance, the author's grandmother, a Vang,

remarried to the author's step-grandfather, a Moua. The author is a Vang and she married

- ---.-- . -- - ---- ------ -- - -- ---- - -- -----

"'Mai Van Trang, "A Southeast Asian View of Cultural Differences," Photocopy, n,d.

I I I Christopher T. Thao, "Hmong Customs on Marriage, Divorce and The Rights of Married Women," The TImonn World 1 , (New Haven, CT: Yale Center for International and Area Studies, 1986), 8 1 .

- - - - - -- - - - - --- --- -- - - - - -

60

a Moua whose grandfather is the older brother of the author's step-grandfather. In the

eyes of the Hmong people, it was forbidden for them to marry. Children of step-cousins

(patriarchal side) are never allowed to marry each other, despite difference in clan names

as in the case of the author stated above. Marriage was only possible for the author and

her husband because [hey eloped and more importantly, they were in the U.S. where it is

possible. Furtliern~ore, I-Imong in the U.S. today are more educated and open-minded;

they learn to accept the consequences. This is not to say that all Hmong people accept tlie

author and her husband's marriage but at least some did.

Tlie practice of "levirate" is another form of marriage which is very common

among the Hmong people. The C U S ~ O I ~ I"allows a younger brother to marry his widowed

sister-in-law for reason of inheritance and clan solidarity"."' Nevertheless, it was

forbidden to allow a younger brother to rnarry his older brother's widowed sister-in-law.lI3

As a result of the clans' cohesion, it was very rare that tlie Hmong people married

someone froin outside Hinong culture.

Igtnong believe that a young lady should not be involved in any sexual relations

before marriage. If such an act occurred before marriage then the young lady would

disgrace her family, "lose her reputation and may have difficulty finding a h~sband.""~

112 Yang, Hinona at the Turning Point, op. cit., 23.

"'Xay Lo Moua, Personal interview, 23 March 1993.

114 Jonas Vangay, "Fimong Parents' Cultural Attitudes and The Sex-Ratio Imbalance of Hmong Merced High School Graduates" (Master's thesis, California State University, Stanislaus, 1988), 42.

61

Before the war, a man's social status was established according to the size of his

field; wealth was measured according to the quantity of rice, opium, corn, domestic

animals including cattle and other goods that his family was able to gather at the end of

each harvest season. Such hard work required a large number of laborers, therefore,

polyga~ny (more than one wife) was the practical ideal.

In addition, during war time, many inen became soldiers and many lost their lives

on the front line defending their homeland and families. Such a period left Inany widows

and children without any form of financial support. For financial reasons, those widows

were encouraged to accept their fate and become the second or third wife of a inarried

mat1 for the sake of the children. In the Hmong community, the Fiinong considered a

woman without a husband as worthless and showed no respect to her. For this group of

women, without any social support, they had no choice but to become niam yau, the

second wife, of a married man. Furthermore, many single, divorced or widowed women

chose to becollie nianl yalc because of a man's prestigious rank or status in the milita~y

(the only prestigious career) and liis ability to provide wealth for her.

According to Dr. Yang Dao, men and women got married between the ages of 18

to 20 for boys and 14 to 16 for girls.115 Even though early marriage occurred in the

Hmong community; the Hmong considered married couples "mature people worthy of

some respect; the arrival of children further increases their social status".'16

----- ~- ~~

115 .r1ang, Ilmona at the Turrninp Point, op. cit., 22.

""bid.

62

Role and Responsibilities of the Bn~ong Woman

In EIrnong villages in Laos, from the first day a mother gave birth to her daughter,

already the daughter had a role as a female in the I h o n g society; she belonged to a clan.

Immediately after she was bonl, her placenta was buried in the bedroom at the corner of

one of the bed poles toward the south (Hmong beds are made of wood or bamboo, with

four poles, one at each corner), whereas a boy's placenta would be buried at the middle

pole in the living room. The middle pole of the house was the most important pole where

the family house ancestor spirits were located. Everything that was done, such as

ceremonies or placing joss sticks for blessings were performed around the middle pole.

Since it is the sons who would carry the family's name and worsliip the ancestor spirits, it

was their placentas that were buried around tlie middle pole. On the other hand, the

daughter would be married to a different clan, with different spirits and she would not be

worshipping the same spirits as her biological father. She was treated as an outsider from

the day she was born. To tlie Hmong people sex determines the roles of the individual at

the beginning of life. Hlnong society continually reminds the girls that their immediate

home is only a temporary shelter because they will grow up, get married, and move away.

Hnlong parents prefer to have a son over a daughter as the sons will be the ones who will

maintain the family name atid rituals; nrost importantly; they will look after the parents

when they get old. The I3mong believe that the daughter would leave her primary family

and would only benefit her seconda~y family when she got married. Therefore, parents did

not want to invest in their daughters. As Bernatzik stated, "in the case of girls, little value

was place upon intelligence and beauty; it was hoped that they would best master women's

work and become industrious wonien who would have many children"."'

When a young girl reached six to eight years old, she already had responsibility to

watcli a f er her younger siblings. Wher: she reached eight to ten years of age, not only did

she look aAer her brotliers and sisters but also cooked, cleaned, learned how to sew, and

tended the animals. Stie also had her first lesson in reverse applique, which is a very

difficult task to master. Thus, young Hmong girls held very important roles even thougli

the IImong did not recognize such roles in a male-dominated society. When she grew up

to be a young lady, at the age of 13 and 14, she was expected to be a lady and not a little

girl any more. Her responsibilities, rather than her age, gave her the identity of a grown

lady. At this stage, the Thong girls had to know how to sew well. To display her ability

to sew and embroider well, she proudly wore her colorfi~l skirts 'IXAccording to Moore-

Howard, "An attractive girl who dances well, sings, and has skill in textile production is

consider Inore desirable than a girl who does not have these attribute^.""^ In a workshop

at tlie Southeast Asian Education Faire 1994 conference after the author had pointed o11t

that I-lmong do not necessarily look at age but how a girl is physjcally built and her level

of maturity, a teacher commented that she now had a better understanding because when

her six grade Minong girls visit her, they can cook and clean better than she, but right after

cooking and cleaning, they want to sit and watch Cinderella.

---.__.__-..--._---.~__-.._I.-.___-. -__- ~

117Bernatzik, op. cit., 121.

1 1 8Kent A. Bishop, "The Hrnong of Central Califoniia: An Tnvestigation and Analysis

of the Changing Family Transition," Ed.D. diss., University of San Francisco, 1985 (Ann Arbor: UMI, 1989), 3 3 .

119Moore-Howard, op.cit, 15.

Once married, a Hmong woman's job consisted of taking care of the house as in

cooking and cleaning, taking care of the children, tending livestock, weaving textiles,

making clothes, and most importantly, obeying and respecting her husband. Her role,

which was all important to the total system, required that she be subservient to the male

and hnction basically for the benefit of the family and the clan. Not only did she bear

children and run the household, but also worked in the fields, and accepted her roles

without question. She "had little or no say in oficial clan business, religious and spiritual

filnctions, or cultural activities".""The women carried firewood, water, and were

responsible for the preparation and serving of food, including pounding or grinding grains

and corns. Among their activities were the preparation of yarn, spinning, weaving, dyeing,

batik work, ernbroide~y, and weeding in the fields.'?' "There was much tedious hand work

to be done with the poppies as The women and girls would work in the opium

fields and "scrape the latex off each pod".'23

In their homeland, the Hmong women work much harder than their men, both at crafis and as general pattern of their existence. The textile crafts require tnonths of work, ofien beginning with the growing and harvesting, weaving, and dyeing, followed by the time-consuming decoration of garments. They rise before dawn and labor all day, yet they find time to do finely detailed crafi work all year around. In their home land, the Hmong men have far more leisure than the women.124

~-

120 Bishop, op.cit., 132.

'"Bertnatzik, op. cit., 588.

'22~ishop, op. cit., 125.

'23 1bid.

121Moore-I-loward, op. cit., 14.

IJmong women were not taught to be independent or to have self-confidence.

They have always been treated as second class within their small world. Girls

traditionally were not sent to school due to cultural, social, and economic reasons and

because it was believed a girl's education would not benefit the family. I Imong women

were taught to be inferior, keep a good reputation, be a good wife, stay home and do the

chores. They had very little say about anything, especially decision-making. "She has to

show unquestioning obedience, first of all to her mother-in-law, secondly to her ow11

hiisband, and thirdly to ller father-in-law. If her husband has already married several

wives, she must also obey all of them.. ." '25

Although "women are recognized as possessing authority over the children, but in

all family considerations the father's word is the final authority."'26 If the father is absent

and there js an older son who is old enough to understand and able to make decisions, he

will be the fainily head not the mother. The girls have no part in decisions whatsoever.

All these things together made the females veiy submissive, gentle, shy, vulnerable,

sensitive, naive, and of course, they had very low self-confidence. They c o ~ ~ l d not express

their feelings or opinions freely because that was the way they were brought up and were

not given opportunity to take part in discussion of important decisions.

126 Bishop, op. cit., 32

Figure 4.1

Hmong Mother and Daughter Doing Laundry at a River. Drawing by Tou Lee Xiong.

Ed~lcalior~

From the dawn of human civilization to today's advanced computerized

civilization, the skills required to survive in any society are learned through a process

called education or other forms of apprenticeship. Education is defined as the "process of

training and developing the knowledge, skill, mind, character, etc., especially by formal

schooling; teaching; traii~ing"."~ Countries like the United States and many other

industrial nations have special formal scl~ooling to train individuals in acquiring the

necessary skills or knowledge to become self-suflicient in their environments. Ilowever,

many traditional, small-scale societies and cultures do not have such systems in place.

Hmong society in Laos was similar to the latter scenario where formal schooling

was not made possible because of their migratory life style, isolated locations and constant

interruption by wars. As described in the introduction, the Hrnong lived in the highlands

and they also were isolated from the cities where formal schooling was located. Jt was

...in 1939 that the first village school ibr Hmong children was established in Nong Het, an area inhabited by Hlnong people and located in the northern part of laos . It offered a beginning class and involved nine students. Before that date, a few privileged Hlnong children had gone to Xieng Khouang City, the provincial capital, or to Vinh, in Central Vietnam, to receive a formal ed~cation. '~'

According to I,ia Moua (the first Hmong superintendent of schools for the

province of Xieng Khouang, Laos; now a Southeast Asian Coordinator for the Merced

City School District), schools were not possible in the Hmong villages after World War 11.

'27 "Education," Webster's New Universal Unabridged Dictionary, I 983.

'2XBliatoutet al., o p cit., 20.

Mr. h'ioua explained that it was not until 1950's when Touby LyFong became "Chno

h4uor~g" (mayor) of the Hmong people in Xieilg Khouang province. Later, Touger

LyFong became " ~ I ~ L I F I " ,the first Hrnong Congressman and many other individuals joined

them working with Lao officials in the different levels of the Lao Administration. The

I-Imong parents then saw the need and sent their children to school. Mao Shoua Lee,

daughter of a Htnorlg authority working in the city, was the first ITmong female to receive

any type of formal education in the city. Ten I-Inlong girls graduated from primary school

(first through sixth grade). However, only one attended secondary school (seventh

through thirteenth grade) and graduated from a Lao teacher training institution. Her name

is Ly May LyFong; she is also known as h3rs Vitntllong, and is now living in Laos. It is

interesting to note that of the ten Hmong females who first received formal education,

seven of them who pursued careers in teaching, nursing and administration married to men

of another ethnic group, Lao. Whereas those who did not continue are married to Hlnong

men.

Gradually, the I-Irnong parents began asking the Lao officials to provide school for

their children in the villages. Establishing a school in the village meant that the village was

asking the Lao officials for teachers. Only one teacher was assigned to each school with

one classroom per village. Once approved, the members of the village were responsible to

build the sc11001 and a house for the teacher. Phou Dou, Pha Khao, Nam Nhom and Pllou

Vieng of the Xieng Khouang province were among the first Hmong villages that offered

primary grades. These villages gave girls the first opportunity to go to school. In Laos,

the Lao educational system required that an individual complete at least third grade; age

was not a factor at all. In the villages, girls were limited to primary grades because:

+ Secondary school was located only in the cities;

+ Parents did not approve of girls living away froin home because they could not keep a close eye on them;

+ Hmong parents were very protective of their daughters and for this reason girls were hardly sent to secondaiy school;

+ Parents did not have enough money to support every child in the family to go to school;

* Most of the time, boys were chosen for secondary school because I-I~nong parents believed that their sons would carry the family's name, link with one's ancestors, benefit and ensure the survival of the family. Girls would only benefit their in-laws;

+ Girls were chosen to stay home to help out with home responsibilities.

Schools were expanded very slowly to the Hmong villages in the mountains. It

was difficult for peasants who wanted to send their children to school because they could

not afford to buy books, pencils, clothes, meals and other necessary materials for all their

children. For these reasons, parents had to choose from their children the most talented

cfrild whoin they thought would be successful in school. For instance, Mr. Moua's mother

(Mrs. Chia Xang Moua, the second wife of Chao Muong Chia Xang Moua who was

assassinated in 1960 because of political problems) explained that since her husband had

Inore than one wife, only her sons were sent to school but not her daughters. On the other

hand, her step-daughter, from the third wife was able to attend school because she was

the only child. Being the only child of a mother, she was allowed to attend school in order

for her to be able to take care of her mother.Iz9 Mr. Moua concluded that parents, at that

time, chose only boys to go to school not because of a cultural belief, but rather a social

'29 Shoua Lee, Personal interview, 23 March 1994

econoniic factor. It was not until later that only the veiy wealthy, those who lived in the

city and worked for the Lao government could send their daughters to scho01.'~"

Prior to 1939, most Hmong children were taught by observing and listening to the

elders. In tlie village, children learned much, for they were always around adults as they

worked, and learned by observation and patient guidance. They were given

respoiisibilities early in life. Girls of six and seven years were given responsibilities by

caring for younger siblings; boys started herding horses, tending livestock, and helping in

tlie fields at the same age. Througll 1his on-going nonformal education, there was little

room for laziness in the limong villages. Due to the lack of a written language, every

aspect of life, knowledge and cultural preservation were passed down orally from one

generation to the next. It was often said,

When I-Imong children grow up back in Laos, they start to learn about what surrounds them by sight, touch and hearing under the close watch of tlie parents and grandparents. Thus they quickly become familiarized with the fidmily house and its domestic animals. Early in their life, children accompany their parents to the field, and begin to learn how to grow crops by observing adults at work. Af3er dinner, they spend hours, close to the family fireplace, listeniilg to the elderly relate Hmong history or recount Ilmong legends and folk tales. These long evenings, which end only when sleep comes, help the Hmong children to develop their vocabulary, to diversiG their knowledge, to improve their cornniunication skills, and to sharpen their intelligence. The children benefit from extensive exposure to the language and the experience of adult^.'^'

Tliis type of education not only taught tlie basic principal tools to the young so

that they might acquire the necessary skills for survival; it went beyond this basic

130 Jean Lia Moua, Personal interview, 23 Mal-ch 1994.

131 Dliatout et al., op. cit., 15.

71

fi~ndamental training. The limong father's role was to teach his sons to become

independent, self-sufficient men, capable of taking care of the family's business and able to

understand the social, political and economic issues within their milieu. Researchers

agreed that,

The father has the task of teaching the sons how to become mature men. This is done principally through letting the sons watch, and then try things for themselves under the watchful and critical eye of the father. The father's attitude is more one of critical guidance than of praise for the sake of encouragement. Thus the father shows his sons how to repair an agricultural tool, how to raise horses and cattle, how to choose land for farming, how to hunt deer or tigers with a flint-lock, and how to deal with family business. He often brings them to com~nunity meetings where they are able to learn about social problems, economic issues and political events, and where they can observe the ways adults solve community and fdmily problems.'3?

On the other hand, the mother taught her daughters the daily chores and what was

expected of a good wife.

As for the mother, she also has a specific role to play toward her daughters. She teaches them how to keep the house clean, how to prepare family meals, how to take care of the chickens and pigs, and how to become a good wife. Often after dinner, the daughters help their mother pound rice, and usually they go to bed late in the evening. Thcy generally are up again before dawn to assist her in drawing water fi-om the spring, in milling corn at the village millstone, and in cooking for the whole family. Thus, children ofboth sexes, despite a lack of formal education, receive in their remote villages an education of this sort, which traditionally prepares each new generation for their filture re~ponsibi1ities.l~~

The script to write Hmong language was not developed until 1953.13' But this did

not prevent them from mastering expertise in "arms-making, music, traditional medicine,

'" 2bid.

I3'1bid., 17.

134 Yang, I-Imon? atthe a turn in^ Point, op. cit., 132.

72

and so on, who handzd down to the next generation their knowledge and their

techniq~ies."'~~Along with this, "traditional education" was offered in a unique way for

those who wanted to l~ecome a "traditional singer" or "poetry singer". It is very common

during Hmong New Year, for traditional singers (men and women) who came to the

festival to singlcall their feelings out poetically about a new-found lover, a lost fiiend,

being an orphan, having lost their homeland and so on. Dr. Yang Dao also points out that

traditional singers are those, "...who keep alive and elaborate an ever-richer oral literature,

and storytellers, from whom the villagers learn histoiy, geography, mythology, natural

science and a good many other things. People remember and repeat endlessly what they

have heard and draw the appropriate conclusions, moral and ~thenvise."'~"

Chapter 5

DATA ANALYSIS

Background of Informants

All ofthe mothers who were interviewed in this study sample were born in Laos

and are between the ages of 33 and 58. When arriving in the United States, the mothers

spoke only their native language, Hmong. Half of the mothers spoke White Hmong

dialect and the other half spoke Green Jlmong dialect. These women had never received

any type of formal education in Laos. The first three questions asked their ages, the length

of their stay in the U.S. and their ages when they first arrived in the U. S. All ten of the

mothers were able to give the author their ages. Four of the mothers responded that they

"didn't know" what age they were when they first came to the U.S. IIowever, three of the

seven mothers were able to give me the length of their stay in the U S. and their ages at

the present time; so they asked me to figure out the difference. One was able to relate to

her daughter's age by saying "when we came to the U.S., she [the daughter] was three

years old and now she is 18 years old." Even though these mothers never had any kind of

formal education, six were able to complete this siniple task of calculation, by subtraction,

even though four had to make the correlation between their present ages and the length of

their stay in the U.S. to find out what their ages were when they first came to the U.S.

All the girls interviewed in this study came to the U.S. very young. They were

between the ages of three to nine. The average age was 5.3 years. Most of these

participants have been in the U.S. for more than nine years. All the girls were born in

Laos but only two of the girls knew their birthplaces. All of them spoke Hmong and

English. One girl was a single mother with a baby i ~ o y and lived with her parents because

her boy fiiend did not want to marry her The girls were interviewed in an ongoing

process fiom 1992 to November 1993. The girls were in 1 Oth, 1 I th or 12th grade. Their

ages ranged from 16 to 18 years.

Most of the girls are the second oldest child in the family. Three of them are the

third child of the family and two are the oldest. Two daughters, who were the oldest child

in their families, did not have any brothers or sisters who attended college. The remaining

eight had either a brother or a sister who attended college for at least one year. Out of

this number, three of them had sisters and five of them had brothers who attended college

Six girls could read and write Hmong fairly well while four are learning. The girls

indicated that they spoke both English and Hmong at home. Most of the girls stated that

sometimes it was difficult to understand what their parents were saying to them because

they did not know all the vocabularies in the Hmong language. In addition, they preferred

to speak English because they understood it better and "you can express your feeling

better cause you wouldn't know how in Hmong." Others added that "you are at school

every day and you speak English everyday and so do your brothers and sisters."

1-Iowever, one mentioned that she spoke only Hmong at home because her parents did not

allow the children to speak English at home. Her parents believed that it was important to

practice Hnlong whenever they could. The daughter fi~rther added that she understood

the need to be able to speak both languages. It would help her keep her culture and to

realize the frustrations that her parents and grandparents must be feeling at not being able

'7 5

to speak English. Most of the girls indicated that English was spoken between siblings

while I-Imong was spoken to their parents and grandparents because they did not

understand any English. All the mothers agreed with this statement. Furthermore, the

mothers stated that ntost of the time their children only comnlunicated between themselves

in English, especially when they did not want the adults to know what they were saying.

Most of lhe mothers stated that at limes, their children did not seem to understand them

when they spoke tI~nong. Today's Hmong children only know the commonly-spoken

Hmong words. As a result, the mothers are depressed at the communication problem with

their children, "your own children can't even communicate with you anymore," said one

mother.

Concept of Family

Webster's dictionary defines family as "a father, mother, and their children"'37 or

"a group of people related by blood 01. marriage; relatives."138 The mother participants'

concept of household family includes grandparents, grandchildren, their own children,

step-children, in-laws and children who live under the same roof. However, when asked

specifically about their own children they included their step-children with their own

children but when asked for children of the same parents, they then only included their

own children. For instance, one mother included in her f'dmily three of her husband's

children fiom his first wife (who is deceased), three of her own from her previous husband

137 "Family," Webster's New Universal Unabridged Dictionary, 1983.

138 lbid.

(who is also deceased) and three children from her present Iiusband. These families were

usually large with an average of 10.3 members per family.

Six mothers and daughters agreed with the sarne nurnbers of family members in

their families. However, four mothers and daughters had different responses. Four of the

motl~ers responded with an additional number to the family compared with their daugllters'

responses. For instance, the mothers included grandmothers whereas the daughters only

included the parents and the children as family. Four daughters' concept of family only

included parents and the children. However, their mothers' included the extended family

in addition to the parents and siblings. The unmarried girl with a baby boy excluded her-

son from her parents' family, but included him as a member who lived in the same house.

ITence, some mothers and daughters have a different definition about family.

Head of Family

According to the mothers, seven (table 5.1) of the families were headed by the

husband, two by the husbar~ds and oldest sons, and one by oldest son.

Table 5.1

Head of Household of Hmong Mothers Interviewed.

Most of the girls also indicated that the heads of household were their fathers (Table 5.2).

They indicated that sometimes their brothers were head of the family, however the fathers

77

still hat1 the final words. One of the girl ~~articipants stated that her oldest brother was the

head of the household because her fdther was never around and he lived with his second

wife. According to two girls, their mothers were "tougher" than their fathers and spoke

louder, thus they considered the mothers the lieads of household. The other two girls

stated that both their fathers and mothers were heads of the household.

Table 5.2

Head of I-Iousehold of I-Imong Daughters Interviewed.

I I~ather l~atherPc Mother I ~ o t h e r I ~ r o t l ~ e r I ~ e a dof household 1 5 1 2 T 7 1 1

The only fornial education these mothers have received were from the "adult

school" or "GAINprogram (Greater Avenues for Independence)" offered in this state. It

is a program under the Department of Social Services. The length of time for attending

this special program varied fi-om several months to two years. The data showed that two

of these mothers who attended adult scl.~ool for two years could read and write English

words that contain ibur to five letters. Those who could read and write English (Table

5.3) were also able to read and write Hmong. However, eight of those who attended

adult school from several months to two years could not read and write either English or

Hmo~lg. This finding suggests that perhaps, if opportunity was given to these women

earlier in life, they might have learned English more easily. However, given equal

opportunity, it was up to each individual to make the effort to learn English. This learning

78

ability did not prevent older people fiom learning because one of the oldest woman in this

stucly, a 58 year old who never had any formal education, was able to write English words

up to five letters.

Table 5.3

Hmong Mothers' Education

l ~ o n t h sin Adult I ~ e a dand Write l ~ e a dand Write I~~e

read & write read & write

11

44

50

1 1 -

24

none

1 read & write

1none

1 read & write

1 n(

I

1 43 1 6 1 none 1 none 1 r 58 1 several months [none

p--1-112 Inone none

Iread & write Inone 1 I 50 I none 1 none 1 none I 1 33 several months none 1 none I

The data also indicated that six ofthe husbands only had a "little" schooling in

Laos, but these mothers did not know exactly what level of education their husbands had.

Four orthe husband did not have any form of education, they were either farmers or

soldiers except one ~ v h o was a nurse assistant (Table 5.4). After they lefi Laos, they

became, in ~lieir own words, "nothing". They then enrolled in adult school or the GAIN

program in order to be eligible for welfare and learned basic English.

- -

Table 5.4

TJusbands' Occupations in Laos and in the U.S.

Occupation in Laos Occupation in the United States

4 Soldier 8 in GAIN program -.

5 Farmer 11 disabled

'l'ot a1

Seven of the daughters planned to attend college once they have graduated from

high school. Of the seven, four indicated that they wanted to earn a degree in teaching

and become teachers. One girl wanted to become a nurse as she indicated that there was a

shortage of Hinong nurses and translators in hospitals. However, none of the girls

expressed a desire to become doctors or lawyers as their mothers had wanted. All of the

girls knew what they wanted to be and could make their own decisions regarding their

future, whether to go to college or become an "independent woman" or "be somebody".

They also indicated that once they obtained a degree, had a stable job, then they would get

nlarried and have children. OF the three who did not mention college, two of them did not

know what they wanted to do. One girl said, "I don't want to go to college". Another

added, "I want to become independent in the kture. I don't need any man to support me."

Since the stait of the interviews in 1992, three of the seniors who were interviewed

in 1992 had subsequen~ly enrolled in college. Of those three, one got married over the

summer of 1994 and she will be a sophomore in college. This particular girl received no

support from her parents but took fbll responsibilities in the house. One high school junior

who was interviewed in 1992 is now a senior, and has been accepted to a four-year

college while the rest o r the girls are still in high school. In addition, a sopholnore who

was interviewed at the same time is married; however, she hardly had any responsibilities

in the house because her sister-in-law took care oreverything. This girl and her mother

had a dificult relationship between then1 because her parents were very traditional while

she is adapting very Eist to the American lifestyle, Two of the girls who are married were

the ones among all the girls who have the most dit'ficulties with their mothers.

This study showed that the mothers did not have any ideas regarding their

daughters' htures. TIalf of these mothers were unaware of the grade levels of their

daughters. They comn~only expressed a hope that "she will have a good education, good

husband, and a good life." Even though these inothers did not have any knowledge

regarding the school system, seven of them "hoped" that their daughters would pursue

higher education. Two mothers did not know what kind of careers existed. One mother

said, "I don't know what you call it (B.A.) but I want my daughter to follow her older

brother's footsteps and earn a degree like him or even better so she can become a doctor."

Two mothers indicated that they wanted their daughters to work in an ofice so their

daughters would not have to work in the fields like their parents with long hot hours out in

the dust for little money. A mother said, "I gave: birth to her (daughter) and all I wanted

was for her to be a good person, graduate, get a job and then she could get married. If

she succeeds, has money and doesn't want to marry; that's fine too. Whenever she decides

to marry is never too late because she can support herself then." Another one added, "I

want her (daughter) to go to school (college) like everyone else." The rest of the mothers

stated that they wanted their daughters to become school teachers and teach children to be

educated and respect people. However, one mother encouraged her daughter to get

married to a good man so that he would take care of her daughter.

Even though mothers did not really know what was available for their daughters in

terms of careers, some wanted their daughters to graduate, get a job and then get married.

Others just wanted their daughters to be "good" girls. All of the mothers agreed that their

hlfillment as a woman in life was to have a companion to share their life with and then

have children. As one mother said, "In my life, I have never heard that a woman would

never get married. From one generation to another generation, every woman got married.

I want to see her (my daughter) get married and liave a life of her own." I-Imong people

believe that hlfillment as a parent is to see their children establish their own families

before they reach their "120 years," tlie time they pass away.

The study shows that although mothers were worried about their daughters'

futures they did not know of any kind of encouragement or help to support their daughters

but only "hoped" for the best. All ten girls indicated that they did not have any kind of

support from their parents with their schoolwork at home. Most ofthe time, they were on

their own and occasionally asked their friends for help. As mentioned earlier, eight of the

girls had a brother or a sister in college but he or she did not live in the house where they

could assist with homework. Most of the girls asserted that it was "tough" to be at their

ages because there was too much pressure from school, peers and parents. One girl

expressed, "rny parents expected me to get good grades and get a good job but they can't

even help me with my homework."

Social Jnteractio~i

These mothers did not interact with any outside groups besides their Hmong

iiiends and neighbors. All the mothers indicated that they did not have the opportunity to

become involved with any English-speaking persons because they could not speak English

and they knew very little about American culture. None of the mothers indicated that

they had any American friends, but all of them have the desire to speak English so they can

comnlunicate and have friends.

Although the Ilmong girls spoke English very well, all of them indicated that their

friends were Hmong. However, they had some American friends in the classrooms and

few outside of class. As stated by one ofthe git-Is, "You want to be their friends but you

don't speak like them, act like them, look like them ...how could they want to stick around

you? So, you stick to your own kind. We wish we have some, but it's impossible. In the

classroom, yes, they act like they know you but out of class, you don't exist." I asked her

why the friendship only exists in class and not out of class. She responded, "I don't know.

You just don't feel right. They are too busy with their other American peers. Or maybe

you are poor and not like them. Maybe they feel more comfortable with their own kind,

just like we do. Also, once in class they sometimes don't have all their friends (American)

with them. Something is just not there." The girls as well as their mothers indicated that

one of the reasons for not having American fiiends may be due to the fact that there were

too many I-Imong in Merced therefore, Americans might not like or want to be friends

with them.

In this study the concept of "fun," defined as "lively, gay play or playfulness;

merriment; amusement; sport; recreation; j~king",'~%eemed to be unknown to these

mothers. Eight of the mothers indicated that they "...do not know what fUn is, maybe

watch and enjoy your kids grow up." These mothers also stated that most of the time they

were preoccupied with daily cl~ores and thus they did not know what "fun" is.

Furthermore, they were never broughl up to have time for fun. All their lives, they had to

keep working; therefore, having children and watching them grow defined "fun" for them.

In addition, to many of them, working alongside with their mothers was h n . According

to one of the mothers, "Fun is working hard to survive and when you work you have fun

with your work. For instance, farming with families and friends next to each other or

sitting around with the women, sewing and talkirig about life. We washed the family's

clothes together at the river, gathered firewood or carried water together. These are

what's fun to me."

Two mothers mentioned that they had h n by talking to their FImong women

friends and going to the park with their husbands and children. It should be noted that

these mothers were born in a place and a time where there was no volleyball or any kind of

sports or movies available or known to them. Their activities were cooking, cleaning and

sewing. During their free time, all they did was sew. They needed all the little free time

they had after Farming to make their beautifill embroideries for the New Year's

celebrations.

On the other hand, the daughters indicated that they knew the concept of "&nu

better than their mothers. Some of their activities for "hn" included reading, listening to

''' "Fun," Webster's New Universal Unabridged Dictionary, 1983.

music, playing sports, writing poetry, shopping, watching television, going to parties,

going to school dances, going to movies, joining school clubs, school activities, and going

out with friends. No one mentioned making embroideries nor working alongside their

mothers.

Most of these mothers acltnowledgec! the h c t that there was a change in life-styles

between Laos and the United States. Eight mothers realized that life in America was

much easier in terms of the labor burden. However, they were disappointed that children

in this country did not listen to their parents. In addition, they believed parents could not

discipli~le their children the way they need to be disciplined because Ancrican laws

prevent them from practicing their traditional child rearing practices which were the only

way they knew. A woman indicated,

In Laos, life was very hard because I worked alone to feed my children. In this country, everything is so convenient. In Laos, raising children was easier because they listened to you. In this country, children do not listen to you, and they do not know how to love and help their parents. We are glad that they have the opportunity to go to school but sadly they don't love and help us the way we loved and helped our parents . In Laos, when children wanted to go hunting, gathering roots or bamboo shoots they always let you know where they were going. In this country, they don't even want you to know and by the time you know it, they are already gone.

Life in the United States

The Hmong mothers and daughters in this study indicated that since resettlement

in the United States Hmong women have gained a great deal of respect from their family

members and have been given the opportunity to express themselves. Furthermore,

Hrnong women's lives have changed since they came to this country. They are no longer

just housewives but individuals who belong in a community, or an organization, and are no

longer dependellt upon the men. This independence gives Flinong women respect in that

they are equally important in terms of decision-making regarding the survival of the family

as well as the comnlunity as a whole. As they adjust in the new setting, they gradually

become aware of their rights. Today, as more H~nong women are educated, they gain

respect fi-om their fiimily and feel a sense of power for the first time. IIowever, there are

still inany women whose husbands and families keep them under the traditional family role.

In addition, life in this country is easier in terms of labor hardships because these mothers

do not have to do the daily tasks that were once very time consuming and physically

demanding.

This study also indicated that all the mothers experience a sense of loss and

maladjustment in this new setting. The conlmon cause of this maladjustment is explained

by the fact that they cannot speak English. As a result, they are neither able to find a job

nor able to get involved in American organizations and have a sense of worth in this

society.

All the mothers experienced a more convenient life style in the U.S. However,

significantly, half of these mothers still preferred their old life style. They often expressed

a profound concern about American life style because they did not have anything to offer

that could be woi-thwhile. For instance,

...I think it is better in the U.S. but it is also more dificult because I don't speak English. If l don't get AFDC (Aid to Families With Dependent Children) then I don't know what else to do. In Laos, life was harder but I can speak the language and could co~nmunicate wherever I went. 1didn't have to wait for someone to give me money for food or clothes. 1never had to wait for monthly check or food stamps. My husband and I support

our fiimily. Everyone worked and liad plenty to feed their fanlilies and we were happy. Here, people think you're lazy because you receive welfare. It's not true. I don't read or speak English, how can I work and earn money to support my family? I don't have insurance (she did not know the exact word) like a medical card if my children get sick.

Similarly,

In Laos, it was so pretty. I could walk and go anywhere and not be afraid. Everywhere, there were trees, the birds and animals sang, the landscape was green and my heart was happy. In this country, I can only stay intloors and look through my windows, everywhere is covered with cement. Back there (Laos), life was hard but I was happy. Over here, life is easier but it is difficult because I always have to depend on others and I'm always afraid to go out (take a walk). I live in this small apartment (up stairs) and don't have a yard for nly children to play. I am very sad whenever I think about it. For this reason, I try not to think about it all the time. Because of many things (~orr ies) I've been in Mental Health Clinic for years. I've been sick and I think I was crazy. Now I'm better.

On the other hand, the other half had a very different point of view. They were

grateful to America for the opportunity to leave diflicult life behind and be able to rebuild

a new and better life in the U.S. One mother co~nmeiited,

...women become more educated in the U.S., now they can read and write, speak English and drive where they want to go. In Laos, they did not know anything, like me, I am dumb. I only bore children, went to the mountains everyday with baskets on my back since the day I could carly one. It was very hard work. In L,aos, women were born holding Firm tools in their hands and not pens or pencils like those in lhis country. I am very gratehl that my children have the opportunity to go to school now in the U.S. and not be like me.

Another mother added,

In Laos, I did not know anything. I just lived day by (lay, cooking, cleaning and farming. Though I didn't know much, I never worried. In America, I still don't know much but it is better. Every cooking item is here for me. I have better clothes and even have an opportunity to go to school, but there is still a language barrier, so I need English translation eve~ywhere I go.

"In Laos, we (women) were born with farm tools in our hands and baskets on our backs. Here in America, girls are born with pen and pencils in their hands and cars that transport them every where."

May Nyua Moua

Figure 5.1

Farm Tools Used by Hmong Women. Drawing by Tou Lee Xiong.

Figure 5.2

Back Baskets Used by Hmong. Drawing by Tou Lee Xiong.

89

Even though tile girls were adjusted better to the American society, they were not

well equipped to face reality. Most of the time, they were on their own because their

parents were unable or i l l equipped to guide them. For this reason, most of the girls

feared their future. They did riot know what was out there and whether "they would

make it?" One of the girls said, "It's a mystery out there." Another feared that her future

husband might leave her and her children. The third gii-l indicated that she feared gays and

lesbians because the idea is something new to most Hmong people. The Hmong people

did not perceive gay as a male l~omosexual but a male acting like female. This new

concept caused a lot of disturbance and shock to many Hmong parents.

In addition, they mentioned that racial discrimination was another issue they had to

cope with. One of the girls recalled an incident when she and her little sister were doing

the laund~y at the Laundromat. A white lady told them not to do the laundry there. The

lady then said, "go back to your country" and called them "chinks." Both of them did not

say anything to this woman because they were afraid that she might hit them. The lady

continued to harass them by saying, "you stupid chinks." The girl admitted that she felt

bad not being able to say anything to the lady but just stood there. At the same time, she

felt sorry for the woinan because the lady did not seem to have any knowledge about the

reasons for their presence in the United States. For this reason, she felt that the woman

was not worthy of a response.

A11 the mothers indicated that life in this country was very difficult because they

could not speak the language. They agreed that English is a very critical factor in this

country to become self-sufficient. Since none of them spoke the language, they were

90

deeply concerned about their futures once the children are grown up and the farnily's

AFDC will be cut. Being welfare dependent and not being able to speak the language

were already difrlcult to deal with every day, but the most dificult of all was thinking

about their fiitures and not knowing what the future held in store for them. The mothers

did not know what to say and do once public assistance is cut off because most of them

are otily in their middle age. "Too young to qualify for retirement but too old to learn

English in order to find a decent job," a mother said. They were still young enough to be

emploj~able yet they are not able to firid jobs because they do not have any marketable

skills and most importantly, they canriot speak the English Ianguage. A mother confessed,

"I am getting old, 1 don't speak Errglisli, I don't drive, I don't have a job, my children are

growing up and welfare will be reduced or cut off and I don't know what to do. I wonder

how am I going to su~vive. I thought about this every night and so I can't sleep."

These women are not only caught in the system, but also they will be victimized by

such a systern. They are riot capable of becoming se1t'-sufficient so they can be role

models to their children. Their inability will not only imprison them in the system, but it

may also pull their children back into the system; and, therefore, the cycle will repeat itself

over and over again.

All the Hmong mothers shared the same feeling regarding themselves growing up

in Laos versus their daughters growing up in the TJ.S. They recognized that their

daughters were growing up differently compared to when they were growing up back in

Laos. Most of the mothers stated that they grew up in a place where they learned first

how to baby-sit, sew, cook, clean, carry firewood, thatch water, tend animals and work on

91

the fields. Whereas their daughters grew up in a diff'erent place and time where they llad

opportunities to atlend school. They have easy access to most of the things they needed

to meet their daily needs. Today, food can be bought from the supermarkets whereas

when the mothers were growing i ~ p 11iey llad to liarvest the crops and raise animals for

meat before they could prepare meals. The mothers said that many of their children do

not ever) want to eat a Iionle-raised chicken but would rather eat Ilamburgers. All the

mothers felt thai this society's conveniences spoil cliildrell and many of them do not

appreciale the good 11iings traditional life has to offer them. For instance, a mother

pointed out, "When wc visit our relatives and if they slaughter a chicken for dinner or

cook I-Imong green vegetables from the garden, my children would not eat but rather

starve u~ltil they got Ilome. 1 told them these were the best food but they refused to eat

it." Another said that the children in this country had changed a lot, " I don't know how

but they don't act and do things like normal I-Imong children." "They are not even shy to

be seen with their boyli-iends in front of tlle elders. It's an embarrassing thing. You should

never be seen with your boy friends or llolaing hands in public," said another. On the

other hand, a mother stated positively that "for sure, they are much more educated

because they get to go to scl~ooi and now they can read and write."

Even though there are tremendous changes between mothers' and daughters' lives,

all the daughters indicated that they were proud of their culture. Eight of the girls

mentioned that they were proud to be a Hmong; as one stated "Ilmong people are loyal

and they respect their elders". The girls enjoyed their traditional New Year and costumes,

altllough they may not wear tlietn. One of the girls commented, "I like the clothing but

wouldn't wear it. I'm not ashamed (referring to the Hmong costumes). It's too much

hassle lo wear it. I just wear it to make my mother happy." Most of the daughters also

indicated that EImong culture taught them to be responsible individuals and faitlihl to the

elders by not placing them in convalescent homes. They all hope that this heritage

conti~~uesfor generations to come. As one of the girls expressed, "I'm very proud to be a

Hnlong person. They are very special and talented people. They do their job well and

they obey laws. They are very unique people."

In addition, the girls are grateful for the opportunity that the Americans have given

them and the fi-eedom to explore their potential. Unfortunately, such oppoitunity also

includes the problem of "gangsters." All the girls as well as their mothers indicated that

gang issues were unknown to the Hnlong people until they came to the United States.

They all expressed great concern and fear about gang issues.

All the mothers recognized that American society has a tremendous influence upon

their children. They stated that they wanted their daughters to be traditional Nlnong

daughters, sllow respect to the elders and to the guests, serve them, and cook for them as

FIinong women did in the past. They wanted their daughters to be like traditional Hmong

daughters back in Laos, but they understand that their daughters cannot be because it is

very different. As one mother said, "I want my daughter to be like lImong but like we

said, if we live in their (Americans') country we must do like them; if we live on their lands

we must be like them." This woman meant that if anyone wanted to survive in a foreign

land such as the U.S., one must do like them or adapt into the system in order to survive.

This industrial society is not a society that the Hmong are familiar with; therefore, those

93

who do not adapt quickly enough into the system may fall below on the "step ladder."

However, these mothers did not mean that adapting means one must go out alone with

giiys, get home late from a date, or play sports and be out all the time socializing without

knowing how to sew, cook and clean in the homes. All the mothers wanted their

daughters to adjust to the American culture and get ahead in society to have a good life.

On the other hand, they wanted their daughters to retain the Hmong values and heritages.

This pressure to adapt to another culture and yet still preserve one's own culture has often

created misunderstandings between Hmong mothers and daughters as mentioned earlier.

Though the daughters' behaviors have changed beyond their mothers' expectations,

the daughters are still helpful around the house and listen to their parents to a certain

extent. It was still very difficult for the mothers to accept their daughters' new behaviors

but the mothers felt that their own daughters were not so bad compared to other ethnic

groups. All the mothers realized that the situation could be worse. As a mother

described, "In some American families, when you (she referred to young adults) turn 18

years, you think you know enough to live on your own and you don't respect your parents

anymore. You tell your parents that you are old enough to do what you want because you

are an adult now." Most mothers agreed that some of their daughters were still assisting

with the daily chores. Many mothers still see their daughters helping them around the

house though not in the same way they had helped their mothers in the past.

Half of the girls felt that their mothers still wanted them to be traditional Hmong

girls. They indicated that their mothers wanted them to do embroideries, sew, cook,

clean, stay home, and be like an old fashioned girl. However, the other half felt that their

mothers preferred them to adapt to the American culture yet retain the Iin~ong culture as

much as possible. In addition, they were not forced to do embroideries because their

mothers understood that they did not have the time. As one mother put it, "it is cheaper

to buy than to make," referring to the time consumed to complete the embroideries. The

girls explained that they needed the time to study and do well in school. Yet, their

mothers still wanted them to know how to cook, clean, and wear their traditional clothes

during New Year's.

Courtship-Dating

Dating seem to be a topic that most youngsters like to talk about and also

something which creates conflicts between parents and daughters. Most of the mothers

indicated that they allowed dating only to certain extent. Mothers do not want their

daughters to go out alone with guys, hold hands or kiss in public places, sit next to the

guys and talk to each other in front of the parents, and talk for llours on the phone or be

idle with time and chores because tlis shows disrespect to the elders. Most ofthe mothers

do not know what dating in the 90's is like, especially when eight of the mothers never had

a boyfriend before. Two noth hers, who had had boyfriends before marriage, had a very

traditional relationship with their boyf~iends, such as not showing affection in public

places, never sllowing any kind of affection in the presence of the parents or the elders,

never going out together, and never expressing intimacy toward each other except

modestly. The mothers interviewed approved of dating; llowever, their definition of

dating did not correlate with their daughters'. According to the Webster definition, a date

95

is defined as "a social engagement between two persons of opposite sex."'@ Both views

of dating were contradictory and as a result, conflict arises between mothers and

daughters.

As far as dating, most of the mothers viewed it as part of their duty to protect

their daughters' reputations. For this reason, the mothers did not allow their daughters to

go out, but taught them to cook, clean, sew and do whatever the parents told them to do.

This isolation, obedience, and the aggregate effect of her "apprenticeship" would build lier

reputation so that someday young men would come looking for her. If a young man

wanted to go out with her, it would be done but with the presence of parents, siblings,

cousins or friends as a group. However, parents would prefer that the yoilng couple meet

in an open place like during the New Year's celebration. In addition, the young nlan may

also come and visit her at lier house with the presence of her parents or family members.

However, the girls defined "dating" as going out wi~h their boy friends alone or

sometimes in a groiip. Nine of the girls indicated that their parents would let them date

but only go out with their boy friends as a group. This means that they have to take along

with them their siblings, niotliers, or their friends. Only one girl said that lier parents

allowed lier to go out alone with her boy friend during day time. She had permission to

go out with her boy friend at night only if one of her older or younger siblings would go

with them.

The girls indicated that the proper behaviors for dating were "Respect each other,"

"Guys should ask the girls' parents and tell them where they are going," and "Not kissing

14" "Date," The New Merriam-Webster Dictiona~y, 1983.

in front of people. Don't do things that you would do behind the scene, especially during

IImong New Year . People would talk about you saying 'she does that and she is easy to

get." All [he girls had good ideas of what their parents expected of them from dating.

However, they wanted their parents to be more flexible in terms of going out to parties

with the opposite sex (boy fi-iend or not) on a date. "Boy friend" to the Ilmong mothers

means a boy with the intention of becoming a mate to their daughters and not just a male

friend. Ilowever, I-Inlong traditions do not approve of a sexual relationship before

marriage that will bring shame to the family name and especially disgrace to the parents.

IImong daughters, on the other hand, consider a boy friend as a male friend as well as a

future mate. They believe they may very easily become involved in behaviors such as

holding hands and kissing in public places like schools, parts, and shopping malls. A~ain,

the mothers (parents) do not approve of such a behavior. Half of the girls indicated that

Hmong girls should wait until they are 16 years old to have boy friends because at that age

they are more mature, know what's right from wrong, and have knowledge of sex.

I-Iowever, three of the remaining girls indicated that age was not an issue for dating

because some girls mature earlier than others. The other two girls indicated that girls

should wait until they are 15 years old or until they are in high school. The mothers

indicated that girls should be I 5 to 17 years old to have boy friends in a dating sense.

Four girls who have boy friends said that their reasons for having boy friends were

to be able to have someone to listen to their problems and talk to. Three of the girls broke

up with their boy friends. The first one said, "They (boys) are in my way, they take

control of me, and my parents have to approve or disapprove of them. They were too

97

much trouble." Another girl indicated, "We broke up cause he is like a dog. IIe already

has a child." And the third one said, "We broke up because it is the wrong time." Three

of the girls who had never dated before said, "I have not found anybody attractive yet," or

"may be the rigl~t one has not showed up yet." The data showed that the girls tended to

socialize more with the opposite sex than their mothers had before marriage.

Family, Marriage, and Career

The issue of sex appears to be the most avoided issue. The sample showed that

only four mothers talked to their daughters about their menstrual cycle when they were 14

years old, but they never talked about sex. All the mothers said that "sex" is an

embarrassing thing to talk about. These mothers admitted that even their own mothers did

not talk about it with them and they only heard it from elsewhere. They said that they

were shy to talk about it. IJowever, they knew that the American school system taught

sex education to their daughters. As one mother indicated, "Oh! they know (the

daughters). They are smarter than us (mothers). In this countiy people are not shy, they

talk about everything. We know that they learn iioill school." Two mothers added that

their adult school teachers told them that school taught sex education to their children.

Other mothers said that their children told them that school taught their children about sex

education. All the mothers agreed that they would allow the school to teach their children

about sex education because they are too shy to talk to their children about it. On the

other hand, most mentioned that they are afraid that once their kids knew about sex they

would start having sex. They are confiised as to whether their children should have sex

education or not; however, they would not take any action to better understand the issue.

They said it's the rule in this country; therefore, they went along with the rule and allowed

schools to teach sex education to their children. In addition, they were too shy to talk

about it with their daughters and do not know the topic as well as their daughters do.

When asked if they encouraged their daughters to marry young, all responded no,

although some mothers added that their friends' or neighbors' daughters married at the age

of 14. One mother said that her daughter was 18 years old but most of her daughter's

fiiends were already married. Similarly, most mothers felt that if their daughters do not

get married young, they would not find good husbands or may not even get married at all

because their daughters will get too old according to the typical I-imong age for a woman

to get married. It is true that although these mothers did not want their daughters to

marry at a young age many Hmong still practice early marriage. Some early marriages are

a result of parents, usually the girl's parents, forcing the couple to marry for the simple fact

that they went out alone without the parents' knowing. The couple is usually forced to

marry because it is believed that they may have brought shame to the girl's side of the

fanlily. Another reason is that the girl's parents are doing her a favor by protecting her

reputation and preventing the community from calling her a "bad girl." In Hniong culture,

a girl who goes out with a guy alone or late at night is considered to be a "bad girl"

because she is perceived as "easy" and anyone can "fool around" with her or simply, "ller

parents don't care." Therefore, her reputation would be ruined and will bring shame to her

family. This forced marriage is the beginning of a long and dii3cult situation for the young

couple. For instance, a mother said,

Once married, they may never finish high school because many young couples have children right away. The children may get sick, or have no adult supervision if both parents are out oFtlie home, then one of the parents has to miss class or even drop out of school. Like my son, his wife tells him to not go to class and take the kids to the hospital because they are sick. For the sons, I think it's all right if they stay single longer but for the daughters, if they finish their education (college) and then get a job, people may consider them to be too old. Then finding a husband will be difiieult.

Eight girls would prefer to have a career first before marriage. They realized that

life would be difficult without an education and thus they would not survive in this country

nor be able to provide for their children. In addition, they said "you don't have to depend

on your husband, you can support yourself." They mentioned that iF they got married

first that their dream would end unless their husbands understood and supported them. In

addition, they and their husbands would be willi~lg to wait to have children while pursuing

their careers. However, two girls did not really care whether they had a career or got

married first, but as they said, " they must finish high school first." Six of the girls felt

that they were not being pressured to get married; however, four girls indicated that they

were being pressured to get married. One girl said, "Oh! yes, both my parents tell me

every day." Another girl stated that her parents pushed her to get married, "you know

you are a girl, when you turn 18, AFDC will be cut. Too old, no one will inarry you."

Many mothers are conhsed between whether their daughters should get married

young and have a family or wait until aRer college. The majority of the niothers seemed

to understa~~d the advantages and disadvantages of both sides. However, most of the

Hrnong l~igli school and college students are changing. They want to pursue a career first

before marriage, but even those wlio married at a young age are still willing to pursue their

careers. They understand that it is not easy making a living in this country but know that

the opportunities are there for them if they want to succeed.

Most of the daughters made remarks about their culture that involves early

marriage and parents' attitudes toward their daughters. Soine of the girls indicated that

J-Imong parents needed to be a little more flexible. They cannot just force a young couple

to get married because they went out together. They believed that this practice only

deslroyed the young couple's future and consequently the marriage might not last very

long. 'The girls indicated that many young couples went out on a date because they liked

each other but only to have fun. Furlhermore, the young couple were not ready to get

married because they had not done anything with their lives. Yet, they already have the

responsibilities of an adult. Consequently, the marriage would end in divorce and waste

the young couple's filture. ?'he girls fell that their parents did not understand their desire

to be a teenager and could not comprehend the meaning of "love."

One girl stated that some IImong parents need to change their attitudes towards

the way they treat their daughters. She said, "We (daughters) are treated like pigs, like

animals. They sell us like an animal. My mom said a girl is going to leave her parents'

home no matter what. That is what they always say." Another girl stated that her

mother's notion of a "good girl" is that she must stay home even though there is nothing to

do. She further adtled what her mother often said to her, "If you are a good girl, they (the

boys) will look for you; you don't have to look for boys." This particular girl and two

other girls stated that their mothers still preached what they practiced in Laos where they

were brought up. They felt that this is no longer working or usehl in this country. The

mothers need to change or, the daughter felt, conflict would result.

Today, early marriage is still being practiced but is slowly decreasing infrequency.

Research by Meredith and Rowe indicated that out of 134 Hmong people that they

interviewed "87% stated that it was best if a women [sic] waited until she was 18 to

marry."'" The Hmong still retain their reciprocal clan marriage agreement; however, the

younger generation today feels that arranged marriage should be abandoned. A study

done by Peter ICunstadter pointed out that the ITmong interviewed in Sacramento and the

13mong interviewed in Thailand agreed that arranged marriage is no longer a desirable

pra~tice.'~"Most Thai I h o n g respondents indicated that several of the traditional forms

of marriage (arrangement without consulting bride and groom, bride capture, levirate) are

not desirable because unless a marriage is based on love and understanding, and the free

choice of both partners it is not likely to l a s ~ . " ' ~ ~

Mother-Daughter Relationships

Most of the mothers indicated that they have good relationships with their

daughters. Eight of the mothers stated that they get along well with their daughters.

IIowever, most of them also added that, when asked to cook or clean, their daughters

14' William H. Meredith and George P. Rowe, op. cit., 123.

142 Peter Kunstadter, "Determinants and Consequences of Nmong Age at Marriage in Sacramento" (Paper presented at the 10th Annual Southeast Asia Education Fair, Sacramento, CA, March, 1994), 7.

usually get mad and argue with thein. In addition, these noth hers indicated that their

daughters' behaviors bothered them. However, they also admitted that "it is just a little

thing and she is my daughter, so 1 think that is okay." Two mothers indicated that they

have experienced conflict with their daughters. The common factor in this

misunderstandii~g is the lack of communication between mothers and daughters. One

inother sadly said, "She (daughter) goes out all the time, we don't talk to each other and

she does her own thing."

Most of the girls indicated that they got along well with their mothers. I-Jowever,

three girls stated that they and their mothers did not get along well at all because "we

always disagree on everything." Others added that their mothers did not allow them to do

what they wanted. Most of the girls also stated that they liked the ways their mothers

were supportive and covered up for them from their fathers. However, they disliked the

way their mothers were "too nosy" and always "on their cases." Seven girls said they had

too much pressure from their mothers because their mothers would not talk about what

happened in their daily lives such as lots of stress from school and friends, but instead

"talked about stupid things--old traditions of how young girls should behave."

Half of the girls stated that their inothers were understanding and open-minded.

However, the other half indicated that their mothers did not understand them. The

mothers always thought about how the old way was and would not open up their minds

for the present.

"Do you wish you were someone else?" I asked one daughter.

"Yes, I don't like the way my life runs, my family and the environment is going. "

She commeilted that her parents "need to understand modern days and stop living the

past, the old tradition ways." Another girl wished, "Yes, I wish I was a movie star ...the

daughter of the rich and famous so I don't have to work.'' Those girls who wished they

were someone else were among those who either had difficulties with their parents or had

too illany responsibilities at home. Six of the girls had siblings to care for, cook, clean,

make sure they did their homework, and take them to school activities. The rest of the

girls indicated that they really had no one to care for.

"Respect your parents and elders and your life will prosper," quoted a mother.

The fundamental basis of the Hrnong culture is founded on respect and traditional values.

From generation to generation, Nmong mothers have taught their daughters to respect

their parents and elders, to serve them, listen to them, not talk back, do what they are told,

stay home and do the daily chores. The Hmong traditional daughters learned to respect

their parents by accomplishing pllysical tasks and staying mute. Today, as these traditional

daughters grow up to be mothers and have their own daughters growing u p in a new

setting, the United States, they still teach their daughters to respect their parents and the

elders by staying mute and doing the daily chores as they had learned from their own

mothers. There is nothing wrong with this picture; however, today's Hmong daughters

have the opportunity to go to school and see a broader view of life than their mothers

had. In addition, these daughters learned to express their own ideas and respect others in

a different way as well as viewing things differently in the "New World". Respect is

defined as "to view, treat, or consider with some degree of reverence, deference, or

courtesy; to feel or show honor or esteem for."'44 The daughters learned to be an

"individual" by having their own "mind" and others must respect their ideas regardless of

them being fetnale or male. This difference of values and interpretation of respect pull the

relationship between mothers and daughters apart. Half of the mothers in this study said

that H~nong daughters do not respect their parents and elders. As a mother puts it, "I

don't know about ITmong girls today but for sure they changed a lot. They are educated

but they don't listen much to what we tell them. We were dumb but we've always looked

up to our parents " However, half of then1 stated that their daughters still respected them.

For instance, a mother said "they must respect us to some degree, that's why they are still

with us othenvise, they would have gone on their own. I think some daughters are worse

than others."

Half of the girls indicated that their parents were their daily problems. These girls

said that they experienced too much pressure from their parents because their mothers did

not understand anything about school and afterschool activities. Their mothers did not

know and rehsed to accept that clubs and afterschool activities were part of the schoolillg

system in the United States. Therefore, their mothers did not believe that they should stay

after school to participate in any activities. The other half pointed out that school and

parents are their daily problems. One daughter related, "My parents don't understand.

They think I will do things that they don't approve of. Well, for example, I stay after

school for club activities and they say there is no such thing as a club. They ask me why

I'm always out, gone every week? They think T probably use a club as an excuse to go out

"'"Respect," Webster's New Universal Unabridged Dictionary, 1983

with guys. " "Did you ask your parents to go with you to school activities'?" 1asked. "I

wanted them to go and see for themselves but they still didn't want to go. They won't

even try to call the ch~b. They just wanted to get on my case, that's all," she responded.

This girl was upset when she responded to my question regarding her problems

with her mother. During the whole interview, she only spoke English. Her mother came

to the rootn and listen to our conversation. As a result of her mother's presence in the

same room, the girl held back some of the things that she wanted to say because the girl's

facial expression changed and her tone of voice dropped down. Before the interview both

mother and daughter were told that the interview would be kept confidential and it was

preferred that he author interviewed one without the presence of the other. The daughter

was not in tlie same room when the motlier was interviewed. This incident exemplified the

daughters' complaint about their mothers' lack of respect for their privacy.

One of the youngest girls stated,

My mom lectures me and compares me to others too much. She tries to choose a 'good girl' to compare to me. She doesn't know n~y abilities. Sometimes I cry. It's not the culture that stops everything. It's my parents, the way they are. She's very strict and I can't do anything. I lost a lot of niy friends. I can't go with any friends anywhere, no slumber parties. Everywhere I go, she has to go with me. I can't even spend a night at my own sister's house. I don't like it at all. You have to be a "home girl" to be traditional. You have to sew. I don't like it and 1don't do it so she can't make me. I try to get out of the house to learn and see how other parents teach their daughters and live their lives. I come home and share my ideas with my parents but they say I only know how to serve others and not them. I play sports after school and was really good but my parents took me out and won't let me play. You know, I bring in trophies and they don't say anything nice instead they say that "those are junks for the llouse". Sometimes, I wish I was someone else's kid. I look at my American friends and see how nice their relationships are with their mothers. How much their mothers praise them and encourage them. I wish my morn and I could be like that. I know that my mom's background is different. It's kind of

sad to see your friends and their mothers hug and kiss and know that you can't do that with your own mother.

Another girl described her relationship with her mother:

It is tough being a high school kid and acting as a mother at the same time. Everyday, I baby-sit, clean the house, do the chores, take care of my parents and the family's paper work, feed the kids, go to school and job training afler school. There is so much work but if I could take oiie thing off the list I would like to take off laundry--washing and ironing.

She said that she did most of the family chores and felt like she was the mother instead of

her mother. She taught her mother to do the daily chores instead of tlie other way around.

She further added that her mother needed to be home more and care for her children. She

always went out with her husband to the park or made embroideries but paid no attention

to her small children. 'The time I inteiviewed the mother, the daughter was busy cooking

and cleaning while the mother was making her embroideries. During the interview, the

mother sat facing away from me and did not even look at me once (this was the only

Hinong mother w h ~ hardly looked at me; her behavior took me by surprise). With tlie

little time I had with the mother, I understood tl-iat her daughter's description about her

mother's attitude. When T finished interviewing the mother, she took her three younger

sons and they went out with the father to the park. The mother left the baby girl, the

oldest son and my informant at home even though the son insisted that he wanted to go

with them. Tl~e daughter told me, "See, what did I tell you. It's always like this. (Should

I move away or get married) I'm afraid for my brothers. He (the brother) hardly says

anything and he is so young (eighth grader). 1 wish my parents would be more of a parent

to him."

107

In addition, half of the girls believed that their responsibilities in their homes were

too much because they did not have anyone else to help them. One of them indicated that

"too much of cooking to do. I have to cook different dishes." Another added, "Ry the

time 1 finish cooking, cleaning, washing dishes and mopping the floors, and bathing my

siblings I'm too tired to study. Sometime, I take tests witliout studying or if I had time to

stiidy it would not be until midnight when I can have peace and quiet."

Others remarked that they constantly baby-sat and picked up after the kids. Yet,

another said, "It's a lot of work but it's okay. It is a good experience to have because you

are going lo have your own life and end up doing the work yourself. It's good to

experience in advance." Whereas the other half of the girls always had somebody to help.

For instance, one ofthem had very little to do because her sister-in-law did everything.

Another girl who had a baby boy did not have much to do either because she had lots of

sisters to help and her mother took good care of her baby as if it was her own. Still

another girl indicated that she was very fortunate to have a mother who took care of

everything in the llouse and left her enough lime to study. Two of them said that they

hardly had time to help around the house because they had to work outside their homes.

According to this study, there were various reasons which caused

misunderstandings between 1Imong mothers and their daughters. Three motllers agreed

that the main cause was that ITmong mothers in general did not know how to teach their

daughters but at the same time the daughters did not know how to listen. The rest of the

mothers believed that probably I-Iniong mothers did not have enough money to give to

their daugliters and so the daughters did not care, went where they wanted, and

complained that their parents gave then1 too many tasks to do. The mothers further added

that 2-Imong daughters did not listen to their parents and they always wanted to go out

with their friends instead of helping to cook and clean in the homes.

Six of the mothers did not know whether other Hmong daughters argued with

their niothers or not. However, four of them said that they have seen other mothers and

daughters arguing and have argued with their own daughters. A mother said, "I don't

understand, when she does not listen to you, she yells back at you. For instance, if you

don't let her go to every party, she gets mad then we both end up yelling at each other.

She yells back at you, doesn't listen to you and so you just end up letting her go.

Therefore, you are the one who ends up being angry."

All the girls indicated that they respected their parents and their elders. However,

that did not prohibit them from arguing with their parents. All the girls stated that they

argued with their mothers. Some were worse than others. They felt that it was normal

because they perceived thiilgs differently than their mothers. One girl said, "We talk

everyday at school. Even Americans argue with their mothers. For example, in IInlong

class, we wrote essays about ourselves. It's amazing how many argued constantly with

tlieis moms. Me, I'm lucky, just from time to time like about dating and culture."

Most of these mothers wanted their daughters to be like a "traditional" daughter

but, as indicated, the daughters went to school and saw a broader view of the world so

they changed a lot. Even though the daughters' behaviors do not meet the mothers'

expectations such as staying home to cook, take care of younger siblings, help with

paperwork and translate for the mothers, most of the mothers are still happy to see that

their daughters have not joined any gangs or lun around loose with boys everywhere. A

rnother said, "I would like her to speak nicely to me and not be mad all the time. She does

not join gangs or have any problems with people. She is 18 years and there are no serious

problems. I'm happy and glad." Another inotl~er happily stated, "she is a good daughter,

she goes to school and comes straight home and she only goes where I allow her to go".

In addition, eight of the mothers agreed that their daughters are still helpful around the

house besides doing their own schoolwork. Only two mothers complained that their

daughters did not help around the house at all because they were always out with their

fiiends or out doing something else.

The girls indicated that their main frustration about their parents was the lack of

individual privacy. They further added that some Hmong parents did not understand their

children's privacy. The girls said that they understood their parents' situations because

their parents grew up in a place and time where children shared everything with their

parents or did not have anything to share with them; as the girls put it, "Kids' businesses

are parents' businesses." For instance, a girl said, "After I told my mom that it's not in my

room, yet she still comes in and searches for it. I have no privacy . They (parents) open

my door whenever they want to." Others added, "The kids (siblings) drive you nuts

everyday. The house is a total mess everyday and you constantly have to pick after them."

"My parents don't understand me. If I do something, they don't support me. For example,

I want to attend school activities, and they won't take me." "Always have to baby-sit my

sister's kids and without pay."

"Why is it always you?" I asked.

"Because I'm tlie only teenager who is available," she responded. In most Hmong

families, whenever there were parties, ceremonies, or any gathering event, the young

unmarried girls were almost always the ones who would end up serving, cleaning, and

particularly washing dishes. In addition, whenever married folks planned to go

somewhere or do something which required baby-sitting, again, the single young gir-Is

would always end up baby-sitting. Tliese were not paid tasks.

One girl protested that her responsibilities were too much for a high school girl and

even greater than her parents'. She said,

It's too much (house work and baby-sitting). There is nothing hard but every day it is just too much work, day aiter day and it never stops. No tinie for fun or recreation. I baby-sit too much and people think it's my baby. I told my mother you know, I an1 only one person and how could I take care of all my younger brotliers and sister (five brotliers and one sister). You know I took care of your kids until they are all grown and I'm going to take care of mine too?

She said that by the tinie she got married and had cliildren of her own, she would be too

tired or not want to take care of them. She wanted to enjoy her own children. Nine of

the girls said that when they had problems, they wo1.11d talk to only their friends because

their friends understood then) better; they went through the same things and they trusted

each other. Two girls from the same group also mentioned that their brothers were very

understanding of their problems and their situations. OAen, the brotliers were the

intermediaries trying to explain and make the parents understand about today's teenagers.

On tlie other hand, the mothers stated that they did not really have anyone to share their

problems with.

Most of the girls indicated that they wanted their parents to understand, support

their education, and listen to what they had to say. Six girls admitted that they should help

the mothers more while four girls said they had done more than enough. Half of the girls

did not have a job while three were in Regional Occupational Program (ROP) at the

school and two were working at a pizza restaurant after school, on weekends and

holidays. The two who were working indicated that they needed money and wanted to

help their mothers financially. Their mothers also said that since their daughters started

working, the mothers hardly saw them but wanted to make sure that their daughters were

doing well in school while working. The girls indicated that they felt bad because right

after school they went straight to work and hardly had any time to spend with their

inothers or help their mothers do the daily chores.

All the girls felt that they were Americanized but their parents were not.

According to Webster's dictionary, "Americanize" is defined as, "to make or become

American in character, manners, methods, ideals, etc."'" The girls said they were

Americanized because they knew the American ways, spoke English, dressed, and acted

like Americans. One girl stated,

Yo11 go to school and learn all these (American ways). You know your manners when you go to parties, stores, and restaurants. For example, IImong go to the store and talk so loud and people stare at them. Like at the restaurants, Hmong eat differently (talk with food in their mouths or help themselves by reaching across the table) and people look at you. You have to know how to act when you're in public. Be proper and learn the American way.

IJS"Americanize," Webster's Ne_w_Universal Unabridged Dictionary, 1983.

She further added,

They (parents) don't know the American system. They don't know what dating is. They think they understand school but they don't. They don't understand how to treat their daughters. Girls get certain privileges in America but Hmong girls don't have that. For example, like going out, maybe once a month but I-Inlong parents still won't allow it.

Whereas another said, "My parents are old-fashioned. They don't go to dances or

movies but I'm not embarrassed of them. I'm proud ofthem." Sadly, one stated,

You want t o buy present and put up a tree during Christmas, but they (parents) have no spirit. They think it's a waste of time and money. I just wanted my little brothers and sisters t o enjoy Christmas and be happy. I also understand that my parents don't have money but I know they can buy an inexpensive small tree and little presents.

Another girl added,

I would say I'm more Americanized than my parents because my parents want to be more Hmong. I've been here (United States) all my life. I was a little kid in Thailand. I like it here and like doing American things more than I3mong. Take for example, I dress more diff'erent and my hair is different. American society wants you t o change cause they keep changing fast.

Most of the girls described being Americanized based on the way they acted,

looked and dressed in the 90's. All of the girls were able t o describe their becoming

Americanized yet they still wanted t o retain some of their I-lmong heritage. The girls

described their feelings as follows, "No, I know where I came from. I want t o be myself.

I'm half and half." "No, I could become Americanized in a way but my heart is with my

people." "I don't think so. I just want to be Americanized but not too Americanized. I

want my kids t o learn Hmong culture. They are going to speak both languages and have

respect for the elders. I want them to keep their culture from generation t o generation

113

forever." "Yes and no. J may act like Americans when I'm wit11 my friends but when I'm

with my parents or relatives I will always be Hmong. Can't totally change."

When asked about appropriate discipline, most of the mothers said that America's

laws prohibited them from disciplining their children the "Hmong way." They would take

their children to their brotllers or uncles to talk to them about their behaviors and

problems. If the chiidren were still small they worild use a stick as a means of scaring

[hem because the mothers believed that if they only talked then the children will not listen

to them and are not afiaid of them. All of them agreed that they disciplined their children

by teaching them what is right or wrong first because the children will be more likely to

retaliate if a stick is used first.

Most of the girls acknowledged the fact that Hmong parents yelled first before

they would talk to the children. A girl said, "When I was little, they (parents) always

scream and not ask". Two of the girls said that their parents did not yell at the children.

The girls felt that it would be all right to yell but their parents should indicate to the

children what they had done wrong before yelling at them. The girls also mentioned that

their parents should have more patience. In addition, they would like their parents to pay

more attention to the sons because most ofthe boys are usually out late but they hardly

get into trouble with their parents.

Three of the girls felt that their mothers were too strict with them. Their mothers

would not allow them to go anywhere but school and come back home. Three other girls

said that their mothers were fair because they allowed them to go to places where they felt

it would be safe for them. Another three girls indicated that their mothers were not strict

at all because "mom trusts us and lets 11s go to places. We just try not to lose ller trust."

"I always tell mom where I am going and plus I don't have a boy friend," and "if she think

it's good, we get to go. If we are bad, can't go." However, one girl responded, "My dad

is worse. If1 go out after my dad said no, my mom will get a lecture later. Ile

embarrasses me so much--tells guys to go home." All the girls in this case associated

"strict" only with going out.

When asked whether they have or knew any role models for their children, the

mothers responded, "you (the author)," "my son," or "relative." They associated role

models with "a good person who has a good reputation." According to the mothers, good

reputation refers to a girl who listens to her parents and the elders, does not go out with

young men, knows her role and responsibilities of being a female, respects her parents and

the elders, has manners, etc. Nine of the girls had some type of role models whom they

could relate to. Most of their role nlodels were someone they knew or were related to

thetn and all of their role models pursued higher education. They also associated their role

models with individuals who had a degree, or attended colleges. However, one of the

girls indicated that she did not have any one as a role model because she did not want to

be like anybody.

The Woman Resolved

I am the woman discovered

I am the confident one

I am the one that's grateful

I am the one not chosen

Who instead takes destiny into his own hands

I have had my supplications answered

I am the one who learned not to give in

I have learn how to cheer myself up

I know not whether I am desired or not

I am one who goes on in spite

I am one that although stereotyped

Cares not for others misconceptions because..

I am the one who know who she is

I am the one the one with faithful friends

I am the healed wounded

I am joy.

Because I have overcome it all...

This day.

Figure 5.3

Poem Written by Hmong Daughter Informant, May 30, 1992. (Original spelling retained)

-THE STKUGGLE-

NO ONE KNOWS HOW H A W IT IS

TO SPEAK WHEN NO ONE HEARS

THE ONLY WAY 'TO GET 'IT11NGS OUT

IS WRITE-FOR PAPERS HAS NO EARS.

SOMETIME'S THEK'S NOBODY THEIR

NO ONE TO TALK TO AT ALL

SO T I E N I TZJRN TO PAPER AND PEN

AND TIJEY TAKE TlIE PAIN FORM MY FALL.

SOME PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND

THE TE1lNGS THAT I WRITE

MY POEMS A PROJECTIONS FROM INSIDE

THEY'RE LIKE A RAlNBOW SHlNING AT NIGHT.

TIERE'S DIFFERENT WAYS TO EXPRESS YOURSELF:

THERESTALK, DANCE, AND PROSE

WRITING IS HOW 1 LET GO OF IT ALL

SO PROSE IS THE ROAD THAT I CHOSE.

ALL POEMS ARE NOT BEAUTIFUL

IT'S NOT NECESSARY OR NECESSARILY SO

BU'T POEMS AR E ONE WAY THAT I

CAN DESCRIBE TIE FEELINGS I KNOW.

WORDS CAN BE SAID OR WRITTEN

BUT THE WRITTEN ONES ARE WORTH MORE

THEY SAY EXACTLY WHAT I WANT TIEM TO

AND THEY'LL BE THEW WEN I WALK

TO THE DOOR.

Figure 5.4

Poem Written by Hmong Daughter Informant, May 30, 1992. (Original spelling retained)

Chapter 6

SUMMARY, CONCL,USlON, AND RECOMNlENDATIONS

S~lmmary

This study was started in recognition of the I-Imong mothers' difficulties to

comprehend their teenage daughters "rebellious" behaviors. Its purpose is to identi@

significant factors creating conflict between Hmong mothers and their biological daughters

within the TJmong community in Merced, California, as acculturation takes place in the

United States. As mentioned earlier, Merced is one of the largest Hmong communities in

the United States with a population of 6,500 (according to the 1990 census) whereas

I-Imong leaders in the community place the population closer to 10,000 to 12,000.

The I-Imong history, traditional culture, and cult~iral adaptation in the United

States form the background of this study. That background and recent studies provide

possible answers to identified conflicts as Hmong women integrate to the American

society.

The interview questionnaires were developed as a standard to provide an open

conversation for Hmong mothers and daughters to identifjr different aspects which lead to

misunderstanding. Furthermore, the questionnaires gave both Hmong mothers and

daughters the opportunity to point out their perceptions about each other and offer

alternative ways to solve their problems.

Through this research, 1have found that the Hmong mother-daughter relationships

have changed to an extent which creates misunderstandings between them as well as also

finding that there are still certain issues which mothers and daughters agree on. I did find

that Nmong mothers and daughters have disagreements on certain issues due to the level

of their education and their Camiliarity with the new culture, language and educational

system. The issues that were mentioned most were school, school activities, dating, and

responsibilities at home. All these issues boiled down to the fact that the Hmong parents

or mothers have different or more strict definitions and expectations of their daughters

than what the daughters were willing or able to meet.

For instance, the parents did not understand the Anlerican educational system,

therefore, they did not allow their daughters to participate in school clubs or afler-school

activities. They expected their children--especially daughters--to come home directly after

school and take care of home responsibilities. The parents see the need for Hmong

women to be able to learn how to cook, clean, sew and become a good housewife. The

parents are very concerned about the family's reputation. For this reason, the mothers

need to protect their daughters from going out alone with guys. However, the mothers'

good intentions ustlally created problems between the mothers and daughters as a result of

different definitions of the meaning of dating, Because the mothers had never dated

before their marriages, they associated dating with a negative connotation toward their

daughters' behaviors rather than trying to understand and come to a resolution.

The majority of the daughters indicated that their mothers (parents) placed too

rnany home responsibilities on them, such as cooking, clzaning, and taking care of the

younger siblings. As a result, they did not have enough time for schoolwork or recreation.

To the mothel-s, there is no such thi~ig as "recreation." However, I do believe that the

~notllers did have recreation, but they associated "recreation" in terms of making

enibroideries or working out in the garden, while the daughters define it as playing sports

or going out witli friends.

Tn addition, the girls did not have any one to assist them with home~~orlc when

needed. All the interviewed mothers could not help their children with school work due to

language barriers. kIowever, it did not stop them from encouraging their daughters and

children to do well in school. Some mothers are concerned that their daughters may

become too Americanized because they did not spend enough time in the house learning to

cook, clean and sew. They also expressed that their daughters might be too old to find a

mate. Mothers hrther elaborated that Hmong children in this country no longer wanted

to eat Hmong-grown vegetables from gardens nor home-raised chickens but rather eat

pizza or hamburgers with soft drinks. Just as Burkist's found with her Lao and Khmer

teenagers, the adolescents in this study are "...agroup caught in a cosmological quandary.

Parents are shocked when formerly obedient tractable children reject ethnic foods in favor

of hamburgers and pizza, hang out witli 'strangers,' and are embarrassed by their parents'

old world ways and poor Englisli." IJ6The mothers wanted their daughters to be

respected daughters; yet, they had the impression that their daughters were losing the

conin~unity's respect.

Though both mothers and daughters niight have their differences, they shared

respect for the kinship line, the traditional New Year celebrations, the many ceremonies

which bring family and friends together, and the Hmong traditional clothing. Despite the

fact that mothers had very limited knowledge of tlie American educational system, they .- -- - .. - --~

I46 Burki, op. cit., 285.

encouraged their daughters toward higher education as a means of survival in this country.

A number of mothers were having difficult times convincing their daughters to choose

higher education and delay marriages. Yet they did not stop their daughters from getting

married. The majority ofthe mothers would like to see their daughters in school, graduate

from high school, have a job, and then have a family, or graduate from college, have a

family, and then a career. Though all the mothers do not have any specific knowledge of

the availability ofcareers, yet they mentioned their aspirations for daughters to "work in

an ofice and do not llave to do hard and dirty work". The majority of Hinong mothers

could not imagine their daughters without a life, to be without a husband and children.

Despite the challenges, obstacles, conflicting issues, and misunderstandings facing

TImong mothers and daughters, they agreed that they were very fortunate to be in the

United States because the Hmong women finally have the opportunities to attend school,

have a career outside of the homes and farms and be an individual as a separate entity

from the community. Though younger female generations strive for opportunities, old

ones missed their homelaild and had to depend on others to guide and translate for them in

every aspect of their daily lives in this strange land.

Half of the n~otllers agreed that their daughters still respect the elders, whereas the

other half believed that their children and daughters no longer respect t l~e elders because

oftentimes the children spoke English, responded to the parents and elders in English, or

said Ihings in English so that parents could not understand them. Furthermore, the

nlotllers expressed that not only did the children fail to respect their elders but they were

losing the traditional values such as welcoming guests in their homes and treating their

guests with respect. A few mothers elaborated that perhaps the causes of Nmong

children's new behaviors and actions were the lack of money. Other individuals in the

Ifmong conlmunity agreed that their brothers' or Hmong children joined gangs due to

parents' lack of money, emotional support, and iinderstanding toward their children's

needs. Consequently, children would turn to their peers for support which leads them into

gangs or other unacceptable behaviors. Those who have brothers or sisters in juvenile hall

expressed similar concern that their parents must have not shown enough elnotional

sllpport, the parents may have lacked money, and/or provided little attention towards

children when the children needed the parents most.

Conclusion

"Life is always motion and change. Fueled by the fruits of sun and soil, water and

air, we are constantly growing and creating, destroying and dying, nurturing and

organizing. And as we change, the world changes with us."'47 Our world is a mobile

phenomenon that needs constant adjustment as different cultures evolve through time and

must make necessary adaptations to "grow." Our culti~res are as complex as "life" itself.

We are constantly searching for clues to understand the world phenomena that surround

us. Our understanding of our own culture is much the same as the way as we search to

comprehend our origin, gender roles, religion, values, politic and the many other aspects

that embody the complex interactions between individuals or groups of people to "create"

the whole culture.

Every culture on Earth has an effect on others as a new culture is introduced to

'47 Albert Gore, Earth in the Balance: Ecoloczv and the Human Sm,(New York: The Penguin Group, 1993), 36 1 .

other existing ones. Within a culture, a change in one conlponent causes changes in

others, as that particular culture adjusts to a new environment. Our cultures work the

same way as each ecosystem interacts with others in nature. As an ecosystem adjusts to a

new operating system it causes change on others. For the same reason, as the Hmong

culture adapts to a new environment, it causes change for others as well. Understanding

these feedback and domino effects, we can help other cultures like the Hmong to ease

their adjustments within and help prevent disruption in the broader social and culture

system.

For two decades, Hmong culture experienced tremendous change. Within the

Hnlong culture, new values, beliefs, bel~aviors and other shapes become visible as the old

ones start to vanish. The cruelty of wars drove the Hmong people out of their familiar

lands. They were relocated to a foreign land where their skills became useless. They live

in despair as they must deal with the daily problems: language barriers, culture shock,

depression, juvenile delinquents, divorce, and many others that occur in American society.

Furthermore, the elders lose face as they must depend on their children to translate for

them every aspect of this new land.

With "4,000 years of history" behind them, they had not only to "survive

persecution, attempted assimilation and destruction," but they were able to maintain their

unique culture. Today as Hmong are "becoming American" they have to redefine their

new roles and responsibilities in this society. The role of Hmong women is equally

important to that of the Hmong men; to take part in this adjustment is to redefine the

fbt~ire of Hlnong culture. Through political conflicts and migrations, the Hn~ong women

lost much of their traditional life styles but gained respect and opportunities in the Hmong

community. The respect and opportunities gained in the co~qmunity are througli the fact

that more and more Hmong women are being educated through formal scl~ooling. They

can drive, have careers outside of the homes. Some tend to socialize and adapt quicker

into the mainstream than the men, where some of the men have to depend on their wornen

Perhaps the heritage of the Vietnam War in 1975 was the turning point 'to open new

horizons for the I-Tmong female in becoming more self-sufficient, receiving educational

opportunities, becoming independent, having freedom of expression, and a measurable

equality. Examining this transition may help us understand some of the Hnlong females'

stniggles to see how far Hmong women have made their way out of a life of heavy labor,

how far they have come to be able to dine with their men at the same table, and how far

they have come to be educated and be able to express their feelings freely.

In today's modern society, the Hmong females' roles are no longer determined by

their old traditional culture. However, their roles are predestined by their willingness to ,

reach for opportunities and become what they want to be. Nmong women's roles have

shifted a great deal. However, they are not only facing new roles, having more

responsibilities, having more opportunities and freedom, but also encountering dificulties

in adjusting to the modern technological society found in the United States. Though

Hinong women have made a tremendous breakthrough, they are still imposed by their

tradition to serve, obey, and respect their male counterparts as they must redefine their

roles, take new responsibilities, and make necessary adjustments to become active and

productive individuals in this society. As the Hmong culture becomes an integral part of

the Anlerican society, Hmong men need to be more sensitive to their female counterparts

as partners to ensure the survival of the Hmong helitage.

'This study indicated that the rate of acculturation affects the relationship between

Hmong mothers and daughters. It also sliows that daughters acc~ilturate faster than their

mothers. Though tlie mothers adapt slower and have a narrower perception of American

society than their daughters, they offer understanding about their daughters' new life and

are verbally supportive of their da~ighters' efforts in pursuing the American dream. On the

other hand, many mothers are reluctant to give up their traditions of motherhood that girls

should cook, clean, serve, stay home, and listen to their parents and elders. They have

learned well from that tradition and feel the need to pass down their wisdom to the next

generation, their daughters. Unfortunately it may be less relevant to their daughters than it

was to them. Because of tlie Vietnam War, their traditional lives underwent shocking

changes and suddenly transformed to lives in a very complex society within a matter of

days. "They have jumped 2000 years," for the sake of their children's future and "wakened

from a deep sleep" to deal with new concepts such as adolescence, juvenile problems,

gangs, dating, maladjustment, culture shock, inability to communicate and more.

Today's young girls are drastically changing. They strive for opportunities to

become independent and search for their identities as new Americans. Yet many stumble

along the way between both the Timong tradition and the American culture. All the girls

stated that although they may become Americanized, their hearts are with their people, the

I-Jmong, and they still value their Hmong heritage. Hmong girls adapt faster than their

mothers because they are younger and have more influence from the American school

system. Some of the mothers still live in the shadow of their previous lives instead of

focusing on making some changes with their present situations. Many of them wonder

where to begin.

'This study shows that traditional Hmong mothers have difficulties in

understanding how adolescence impacts young people's lives. The most frequent

complaint from the interviewed daughters was that their mothers (parents) did not

understand about teenage life in the United States and that was the daughters' daily

problein. It is clear that the lack of understanding presents a threat to the

mother-daughter relationships in this study. As the study shows, one of the factors that

leads to early marriage is the lack of emotional support from parents, especially the

mothers since they are the-primary caregiver for their daughters and children. Two

interviewed daughters got married during the course of this study because they needed the

support mentioned above and did not seem to get it. According to the two interviewed

daughters and other Hmong girls who got married while attending high school or during

their first year of college, they indicated that because of the lack of support from mothers

(parents), early marriages were their solutions to get away from their problems and have

more control over their own lives.

In addition, FJmong mothers also sense a threat to the traditional values. They said

some of the daughters do not respect parents and their elders. Daughters have lost the

traditional value of welcoming guests in their home; they talk back to their parents and the

elders; they slam doors in front of their parents when they are angry; and they hold hands

with their boyfriends in public or in front of the elders. In addition, the daughters are

adapting too fast to the American culture as the mothers indicated that their children

prefer to eat hamburger or pizza instead of nutritious food like Hmong green vegetables or

chickens. Furthermore, children speak too much English at home and do not understand

their own language. Daughters becotne liberal as they talk about sex and the menstrual

cycle, wear tight or too loose clothing, and play sports like guys. The daughters become

less responsible around the house and as a result the mothers have to constantly remind

and ask them to do their chores. The mothers further elaborated that their daughters

become lazy because they have everything at tl~eir disposal and they do not have to work

as hard as did the mothers. Though the mothers understand that their daughters have the

opportunity to attend school, are able to drive, and are able to speak a foreign language;

they still prefer their daughters spending a little time to learn the Hmong traditional values

including Hmong language, embroideries, respect for the elders, and the many details that

embody the Hmong culture. The niothers continued that women cannot escape the fact of

being a wife and a mother; therefore, daughters should protect their reputation by staying

home more often to attract a good husband.

Elowever, daughters pointed out that their mothers and parents are too strict and

do not allow them to go out or do anything. In addition, they indicate that their brothers

have more leeway. The daughters further stressed that their futures are not equally valued

in comparison to their brothers. In the house, daughters have more responsibilities than

their brothers. They indicated that it was unfair because their brothers have cars and got

to go away for school while they can only attend local school or comniunity colleges.

The daughters say they do not have any one to assist them with scl~ool work because their

parents do not know how to read and write English. Although daughters understand their

parents' way of life, they would like to see their parents show more affection toward them.

They would like to reach out to their mothers to build that closeness and be able to

confide about their personal lives such as boyfriends, dating, and other personal matters.

Though both mothers and daughters have their differences, they share some

common ground. They agreed that some of tlie traditional practices need to be changed.

For instance, a man having more than one wife (the mothers understood why Hinong men

needed more than one wife back in Laos, but now in tlie United States it is unnecessary),

kidnap or capture marriage, arranged marriage, and the practice of "levirate. " Both

groups agreed that females' place does not necessarily need to be in the home; yet, tliey

agreed that females' must know how to cook and clean. Both further indicated that

daughters sliould be encouraged to go to school. Although some daughters did not

respect tlieir parents, tliey still show a minimum of respect if compared to other groups

As one mother said, "if they (daughters) don't respect us (parents), they probably are into

gangs, got theniselves pregnant without a husband, and not helping around the house."

Most of the daughters also responded that they believe the majority of the I-lmong gills

still respect their parents and the elders despite the fact that some may not have the proper

behavior of a young lady or simply do not care.

All of the mothers experienced nialadjustment to the American culture because

they cannot colnmunicate in English. Therefore, they shy away instead of becoming

assertive in their new environment. On the other hand, the daughters experience identity

crises as they question their own individual worth. The success of the Hmong daughters

in American society lies in their mothers' willingncss to let go of some of their Hmong

heritage and adapt new ways to encourage their daughters toward higher education. As

stated by Rumbaut, "...given that the education of the children is relied upon as perhaps

the principal strategy for socioeconomic mobility, it is the mother's (not the father's)

resources that are most predictive of the children's education attainment--a finding that

underscores that woman's central role is the supervision, motivation, and socialization of

the children within the family."148 The daughters, on the other hand must be assertive in

their searches for their identities as well as understanding the values of their heritage.

Both motllers and daughters must develop strategies in order to cope with their

differences. The conflicts which came between Hmong mothers and daughters do not

critically present a threat to their relationship. However, in some cases both of them need

to make an extra effort to bridge the gap between the past and the present time. As

Gordon Cappelletty, 11, 1986, suggested, "rather than encouraging the Hmong to abandon

their culture and adopt the new culture, efforts should be made to reinforce their cultural

identity as well as their acceptance of American values."149 It is very critical that Hmong

mothers become more aware and more involved with their daughters' problems; that they

become listeners and conlforters to their daughters. Daughters on the other hand need to

be more patient, share their dreams, and open up their worlds to their mothers. This

interaction will allow them to compromise their differences, bring them closer together,

and give a new meaning to their "bonding relationship". As stated by James Banerian

--.- -- - -- --- -- --- - -

14R Rumbaut and Ima, op. cit., 172.

149 Cappelletty, op. cit., 139.

earlier, "...asthe t\vo gel~eratioiistravel divergent paths, they need each other in order to

sulvive in spirit."""

Recommendations

That Hmong mothers and daughters spend more time together as well as expressing their feelings toward each other in order to bring them closer.

That Ilmong parents, especially mothers, get involved and network with schools and organizations to learn and become familiar with the American school systems and the host culture.

That Hlnong mothers identi@role models to help their daughters. This task can be accomplished through relatives, community leaders, and organizations. Furthermore, it will increase mothers' knowledge, awareness and self-worth.

?'hat a "Peer Support Prograin" be established in which earlier arrival Hmong students can tutor the most recent arrivals in their own language and English. Barbara Dillinger also suggested such a program for the adolescent rehgees in her studies. I found it to be very rewarding because the tutor and tutee share the same background and understand each other better. In addition, the most recent arrivals can teach the earlier arrivals to read and write Hmong, Thai, or Lao. Most recent arrivals lived longer or even were born in the refiigee camps; therefore, they did have the opportunity to learn to read and write Thai and Hmong.

1agree with Phua Xiong's statement regarding "building support and forming solidarity wit11other women are greatly needed to increase the enrollment of young IImong women in colleges and universities." In addition, this will enhance the I-Imong elder women and mothers' appreciation of the American educational systems.

Establish a "communitycenter", sinlilarly to that of "The Bridge" in Modesto, in Merced county which affiliates with cornrnunity colleges, local government agencies, private agencies, law enforcement, and other interested agencies. This community center will serve as an educational and informational center to both the American and Tlmong general public. This center will be differentfrom the Lao Family Community and other existing organizations because it will be used as a resource center to broaden our approach to better understand the American-Hmong differences. In addition, the center will be an educational resource to provide two way communication between the Hmong and the general public. This type of center is needed when cultural pl~ilosophybecomes a threat to our society. We

'5nBanerian,op. cit., 10.

need each other to revitalize our world in these times of grave environmental and social problem.

* Sponsor workshops to educate the Hmong parents in this society. These workshops should aim at understanding adolescents' conflict and indecision between dependence and independence. In addition, these workshops should provide tools for parents to cope with their adolescents.

That existing organizations like the Hmong-American Organization of Merced develop a "mother-daughter" network to provide an open dialogue and forum for mothers and daughters to express their differences and follow by suggesting alternative methods on how to 11ringthem closer.

* I agree wit11 Christina Lee's recommendation to create an outreach program to educate the male members of the Ilniong community. "These programs should aim at changing perceptions regarding the roles of women within their own families and communities, and at developing new ways of communication and conflict resolution. I'

More studies need to be done with a larger sample in other parts of the country on the Hmong mother-daughter relationship.

That "rather than encouraging the Hmong to abandon their cult~~reand adopt the new culture, efforts should be made to reinforce their cultural identity as well as their acceptance of American value." (Gordon Cappelletty, 1986, p. 139.)

A word to Clle younger Hmong men and women:

One thing I value very much about the Mmong is tlie respect that they have for each other through their kinship ties by appropriately addressing each other as indicated below in White Hmong dialect. I hope that our generation and the hture generations will continue to practice this heritage to ensure the survival of the Hmong traditional line of respect.

Table 6.1

White IImong Kinship Terminology.

Nuclear Fanlilv

Father Txiv Mother Niam Son Tub Daughter Ntxhais Older Brother Tij Laug(B)-Nus(S) Older sister Muam Hlob Younger Brother Kwv(B)-Nus(S) Younger Sister Muam Yau Brother Nus Sister Muam

Father-in-law Txiv Mother-in-law Niam Son-in-law Vauv (+) name? Daughter-in-law Nyab (+) son's name Brother-in-law Yawm Yij(+) name(B)

Txiv Laws(+) name(S) Sister-in-law Niam Tij (+) brother's name(B)

Nyab (4-) brother's name(S)

(Note: B = Brother and S = Sister)

Fatlier (side) Mother (side)

Grandfather Yawg Yawm Txiv Grandmother poi3 Niam Tais Greatgrandfather Yawg Koob Yawm Txiv Laus Great-grandmother Pog Koob Niam Tais Laus IJncle (older) Txiv Hlob Dab Laug Uncle's wife (older) Niam I-Ilob Niam Dab Laug Uncle (younger) Txiv Ntxawm Dab Laug Uncle's wife(younger) Niam Ntxawm Niam Dab Laug Aunt Phauj (+) name Niam Tais (-1-) name Aunt's husband Yawg Laus Yawm Txiv (+) name Cousin Kwv Tij Neej Tsa

Others

Grandchildren Xeeb Ntxwv Grandson t I

Granddaughter I!

Nephew I'

Niece 11

Friends Phooj Ywg

--

A. Books

American Association of LJniversity Women Educational Foundation. How --Schools Shortchange Girls. ERIC, 1992. ED 339 674.

Bernatzik, Hugo A. Akha and Miao. New Haven: Human Relations Area Files, 1970.

Blaitout, Bruce Thowpaou. I-Imong Sudden U m e c t e d Nocturnal Death Syndrome: A Cultural Study. Portland: Sparble Publishing, 1982.

Bliatout, Bruce Tliowpaou, Downing, Bruce T., Lewis, Judy, and Yang, Dao Handbook for T a h i n a I-Imong-Speakina Students. Folson, CA: Folson Cordova Unified School District, 1988.

Cohn, Mary. "I-Imong Youth and the Hmong Future in America." The Hmong in Transition. Eds. Glenn L. Hendricks, Bruce T. Downing, and Amos S. Geinard. Staten Island, NY: Center for Migration Studies, 1986.

Cole, Ellen. et al., eds. Refucee Wornen and Their Mental Health: SatterecJ --Societies. Shattered Lives_. New York: Haworth Press, 1992.

Cooper, Robert. Resource Scarcity and the Hmong Response. Kent Ridge, Singapore: Singapore University Press, 1984.

Gore, Albert. Earth in the Balance Ecologyand The Human Spirit. New York: Penguin Group, 1993.

Hamilton-Merritt, Jane. H m o n ~ and Yao: Mountain People of Southeast Asia. Redding Ridge, CT: SURVIVE, 1982.

Herskovits, Melville J. Man and His Works: The Science of Cultural Anthr-. New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 1952.

Larteguy, Jean. La Fabuleuse A-piun~'~pium, Collab. Yang Dao. Paris: Presses de la Cite, 1979.

Lynn, David B. Daufhters and Parents: Past, Present and Firture. Monterey, CA: Brooks/Cole, 1979, 158.

Moore-Howard, Patricia. The Hinong-Y-. Sacramento, CA: Moore-Howard, 1982,

Rumbaut, Ruben G. "Portraits, Patterns, and Predictors of the Refilgee Adaptation Process: Results and Reflections from the II3ARP Panel Study," in Refugees as Immigrants. Ed. David W. I3aines. Totowa, N.J: Rowman and Littlefield, 1989.

i

Rumbaut, Ruben G. and Kenji Ima. The Adaptation of Soutl~east Asian Youth: A Comparative Study. ERIC, 1988. ED 279 372.

Savina, F. M. Histoire des Miao. Farnborough: Gregg, 1972.

Strand, Paul J., and Woodrow Jones, Jr. Indochinese Refbgees in America: I'roblems of Adaptation and Assimilatk. Durham, NC: Duke University Press, 1985

Szapocznik, Jose and Carroll Truss, "Intergenerational Sources of Role Conflict in Cuban Mothers," I-Iis~anic Families. Ed. Miguel Montiel. National Coalition of Hispanic Mental Health and Human Services Organizations, 1978.

Thao, Christopher T. "Hmong Custo~~is on Marriage, Divorce and The Rights of Married Won~en," The Hmoncr, World 1, New Haven, CT: Yale Center for International and Area Studies, 1986.

Webster's New Universal Unabridged Dictionary. 1983.

Yang, Dao. 13mon at the Turning Point. Ed. Jeanne L. Blake. Minneapolis: WorldBridge Associates, 1993.

Yang, Dao. "The IImong: Enduring Traditions," In Minority Cultures of Laos: Kammu. Lua', Lahu, Hmong. arid Iu-Mien. Ed. Judy Lewis. Folson Cordova, CA: Southeast Asia Community Resource Center, 1992.

Yang, Dao. "Why Did the 1Imong Leave Laos?" The Hmong in the West: Observations and Reports. Eds. Bruce T. Downing and Douglas P. Olney. Minneapolis: Southeast Asian Refbgee Studies Project, Center for Urban and Regional Affairs, University of Minnesota, 1981.

Wodak, Ruth and Schulz, Muriel. The Language of Love and Guilt. Amsterdam: J. Benjamins, 1986.

Ascher, Carol. "The Social and Psychological Adjustment of Southeast Asian Refugees." Urban Review 17 (1 985): 147- 152..

Banerian, James. "The Cl~allenge Facing Young Indochinese in America." ale Bridge 7, no. 1 (Spring 1990): 9-1 1.

Condon, Richard G. "The Rise of Adolescence: Social Cl~ange and Life Stage Dilemmas in the Central Canadian Artic." I-lumatl Organization 49 (1 990): 266-279.

Fernandez, Mary S. "Issues in Counseling Southeast Asian Students." Journal of Multicultural-- --Counseling and Development 16 (I 988): 157-166.

Karim, Shamim F. "Conflict Between Immigrant Mother-Daughter in United Kingdom." Asian Journal of Psychology and Education 7, no. 2 (I 98 1): 1- 1 1.

Lee, Christina. "The Forgotten Majority." Canadian Woman StudiesLes Cahim de la Femme 10, no. 1 (1989): 5 1-53. --a

Matsuoka, Jon K. "Differential Acculturation Among Vietnamese Refbgees." -Journal of The National Association of Social Workers, 35 (1990): 289-384.

McDermott, John F. Jr., et al. "Reexamining the Concept of Adolescence: Differences Between Adolescent Boys and Girls in the Context of Their Families." -American Journal of Psychiatry 140 (1 983): 13 18- 13 22.

Meredith, William H. and George 1). Rowe. "Changes in Lao Hmong Marital Attitudes After Inlinigrating to the United States." Journal of Comparative Family Stud& 17 (1 986): 11 7-26

Moore, David L. "Between Cultures: Oral History of Nmong Teenagers in Minneapolis," Vietnam Generation 2, no. 3 (1990): 49.

Rogler, Lloyd H., Dharma E. Cortes, and Robert G. Malgady. "Acculturation and Mental Health Status Among Hispanics: Convergence and New Directions for Research." American Psycholoaist 46 (1991): 585-597.

Smith-Hefner, Nancy J. "Education, Gender, and Generational Conflict among Khmer Rehgees." Anthropology and Edu-y 24 (1993): 13 5-1 58.

Schapiro, Ann. "Adjustment and Identity Forination of Lao Refbgee Adolescents." Smith Collepe Studies in Social Work 58 (1 988): 157- 18 1.

Yang, Mao. "The Education of Hmong Women." Vietnam Generation 2, no. 3 (1 990): 74.

Yinger, Milton J. "Toward a Theory of Assimilation and Dissimilation." Ethnic and Racial Studies 4 (1 981): 249-264.

C. Newspapers

Alpert, Bruce. "Refigee Program Funding Declines." Stockton Record, 23 Feb. 1989: A5.

Arax, Mark. "Hmong Culture Cli~lgs to Marriage Traditions." Los Angeles Times, 4 May 1993 : A1.

Barth, Dianne. "Southeast Asians Rehgees Must Cope With Culture Shock." Stockton Record- 22 Feb. 1989: A4.

King, Peter H. "From Laos to Fresno: Hmong Try to Adjust." Los Anaeles Time Magazine, 7 April 1985: 1.

Swan, Gary E. and Iwata, Edward. "Laotians Start Over In Valley." Sari Fra~~ciscoChronicle, 21 May 1983: 7.

Terry, Amanda. "A Tale of Two Cultures: Hmong Girls Caught in a Tug of War." Star Tribune, 5 July 1993: B7.

Vang, Vang. A Mother's Day Tale: Test of Love, Tradition; Culture Gap Kept Mom, Daughter Apart." The SanErancisco Chronicle 8 May 1994: B-I.

Yang, Dao. "Those Who Would Call Them 'Primitive' Don't Know History of l-lniong People." Saint Paul Pioneer P w , 2 1 January 199 1 : A1 0.

L7.S. Bureau of the Census. 1990 Census of Population and Housing: California. Washington, DC: GPO, 1991.

Kunstadter, Peter. "Determinants and Consequences of Hmong Age at Marriage ill Sacramento." Paper presented at the 10th Annual Southeast Asia Education Fair, Sacramento, CA. March, 1994.

?'rang, Mai Van. "A Southeast Asian View of Cultural Differences." Photocopy. N.d.

Xiong, Phua. "Invisible Visible Leader: Hmong Women's Path and Stnlggle Toward Empowerment." Paper presented at the National Association for- Asian and Pacific Ainerican Education, 13th Annual Conference, Pasadena, CA, 1-4 May 1993.

Yang,, Dao. Speech presented at the Third Hmong National Conference, Minneapolis, MN, March 20, 1993.

Bishop, Kent A. "The Hmong of Central California: An Investigation and Analysis of the Changing Family Structure During Liminality, Acculturation and Transition." Ed.D. diss., University of San Francisco, 1984. Ann Arbor: UMI, 1985. 86-2940 1.

Burki, Elizabeth Anne. "Cambodian and Laotion Mothers and Daughters in Chicago: Surviving Crisis and Renegotiating Identities." Ph. D. diss., Northwestern University, 1987. Ann Arbor: UMT, 1987. 87-23625.

Cappelletty, Gordon Guy. "Factors Affecting Psychological Distress Within The E3niong Rehgee Community." Ph. D. diss., California School of Professional Psychology, 1986.

Cha, Dia. "l-Tmong and Lao Refugee Women: From the Perspective of a Hmong-American Woman Anthropologist." Master's project. Northern Arizona University, 1992.

Dillinger, Barbara J. "Adolescent Refugees: An Ethnographic Study of Vietnamese Youth in U. S. Schools." Master's thesis, Michigan State University, 1990.

Donnelly, Nancy D. "The Changing Lives of Refugee Hmong Women." Ph.D. diss., University of Washington, Ann Arbor: UMI, 1989. 90-06949.

Goldstein, Beth Leah . "Scllooling for Cultural Transition: Hmong Girls and Boys in American High Schools." P11.D. diss., University of Wisconsin-Madison, 1985 Ann Arbor: UMI, 1985. 86-01538.

Hiraga, Yumi. "Mother-Daughter Interaction and Adolescent Outcomes in Asian-American Families." Master's thesis, University of Washington, 199 1.

Hughes, Mary. "Hmong Concept of Parenthood and the Family in the United States." Master's thesis, Washington State University, 1990.

Jensen, hlarilee Murphy. "Cambodian Women Refugees: Personal Perceptions of Their Refugee Experience." Master's thesis, University of Washington, 1988.

Ledgerwood, Judy L. "Changing Khmer Conceptions of Gender: Women, Stories, and the Social Order." Ph.D, diss., Cornell University, 1990. Ann Arbor: UMJ, 1990. 90-181 28.

Lee, Gar Yia. "The Effects of Development Measures in the Socio-Economy of the White Hmong." Ph. D. diss., University of Sydney, 1981.

Lee, Pao. "Health Care Systems Utilized By The Hmong in California: A Case Study in Stanislaus County." Master's thesis, Califoniia State University, Stanislaus, 1991.

Lew, Sandra Ann. "Vietnamese Women in College: Their Experiences." Ph. D. diss., Colorado State University, 1990. Ann Arbor: UMI, 1990. 91 -03443.

Miyares, Ines M. "Ethnic Enclave Formation and Function: A Study of Hmong Refugees in the United States." Pli. D. diss., Arizona State University, 1994.

Synionds, Patricia Veronic. "Cosmology and the Cycle of Life: Hrnong Views of Birth, Death and Gender in a Mountain Village in Northern Thailand." Ph.D. diss., Brown University, 1991. Ann Arbor: UMI, 1992. 92-04965.

Vang, Anthony TK. "A Descriptive Study of Academically Proficient Hmong High School Girl Dropouts." Ph.D. diss., University of San Francisco, 1992.

Vang, Vaughn. "Identifying the Need of Hmong Parents Experiencing Cultural Conflicts in American Society." Master's project, University of Wisconsin- Stout, 1991

Vangay, Jonas. "Hmong Parents' Cultural Attitudes and the Sex-Ration Imbalance of Hmong Merced High School Graduates." Master's thesis, California State University, Stanislaus, 1988.

Ukapatayassakul, Danjerd B. "1-hong Refugee Economic Adjustment in a California Community." Ph.D. diss., United States International IJniversity, 1983. Ann Arbor: UMT, 1987. 83-01 846.

G. Persorlal Interviews

Hinong Daughter. Letter to author. Merced, CA. 15 Nov. 1991. Hmong Mother. Personal interview. Merced, CA. 8 Dec. 1991. Lee, Shoua. Personal interview. Merced, CA. 23 March 1994. Moua, Jean Lia. Personal interview. Merced, CA. 23 March 1994. Moua, May Nyua. Personal interview. Atwater, CA. 20 Nov. 1993. Moua, Xy L,o. Personal interview. Atwater, CA. 23 March 1993.

Questionnaires (mother)

1 Name (optional) 2 Age Where were you born? 3 How old were you when you came to the U.S.? 4 How long have you been in the U.S.? 5 IIow many languages do you speak and what are they? 6 What language do you speak most at home? 7 Did you have the opportunity to learn English or go to school?

Yes- No- If yes, where? 8 Do you read, write and speak English? 9 Do you read, write and speak Hmong?

1.0 How many people are in your family?. 11How many people live in your house?-- 1 2 I-Iow many children do you have? Daughter(s) Son(s)-13 What age are your o l d e s t - and your y o u n g e s t children? 1 4 Who is the head of the household?- 15 What did your husband do in Laos and do in the

U.S. ? 16 Are you employed? Yes-No- If yes, where? -

17What level of formal education have you completed? 1 8 What level of formal education has your husband completed? 1 9 Do you have Alnerican friends? Male- Female 2 0 What do you do for fun? 2 1How do you feel about the American way of life? 2 2 How has your life as a woman changed since coming to the U.S.? 2 3 What is the most dificult aspect of living in the U.S.? 2 4 Do you have anyone that you can talk to when you have a problem?

Yes-- No- If yes, w~iro? 2 5 What do you see in the future for your daughter? 2 6 Do you feel that you are Americanized? Yes No Explain: 2 7 What do you see as becoming Americanized? In what way? 2 8 Do you think your daughter(s) are become too Americanized?

Yes-- No Explain: 2 9Do you feel that Hmong girls know enough about their culture and traditions?

Yes_- No- Explain: 30What is your religion? 31Do you teach your daughters about Hrnong poplilar songs, folk-tales,

traditional beliefs? 3 2 Do you want your daughter to make paj ntaub? Yes ___No If yes, why? 3 3 What do you see that is different about a Hmong girl now compared to a

Hrnong girl when you were growing up?

34 Do you feel that you siill want your daughter to be a traditional Hmong girl? Yes No- Tf yes, in what way? IF no, why not?

35 What would you like your daughter to become? Example: Lawyer, Mother, Teacher, Mechanic, Cashier, Anthropologist, etc.

36 Do you think it's important to get a career first before marriage or marriage first? Yes No- Explain:

37 Do you think Hmong mothers pressure their daughters to get married? Yes No-- Explain:

38 Do you know what coultship is? 39 Do you approve of courtship?Yes No If yes, why? Tf no, why? 4 0 At what age do you think a Hmong girl can have a boy friend? 4 1What do you think are the proper behaviors for courting? 4 2 Do you think Hmong mothers should talk to their daughters about sex?

If yes, at what age? 4 3 Do you think sex education should be iaught in schools? Y e s N o E x p l a i n : 4 4 Do you feel that IIrnong moiliers and daughters share time talking and

leaching each other? 4 5 Does your daughter do things that you don't like?

Y e sNo If yes, what are they? 4 6 Do you and your daughter get along well? Yes No Explain: 4 7 Do you feel that Hmong daughters respect their mothers and elders?

Yesp- No- If yes, why? Tf no, why not? 4 8 What do you think are the main causes of misunderstand between ITmong

mothers and daughters? 49Do you think many Hmong girls argues with their mothers?

Yes__ No- Ts it O.K. or normal? How do you feel about it? 50 What do you like about your daughter? 51What do you think is appropriate discipline? For example: Do you use a stick to

hit your child when he or she does not behave? 52 What do you think are your daughter's responsibilities at home, if any?

Thank you.

APPENDIX B

Questionnaires (daughter)

1 Age Where were you born? 2 How old were you when you came to the U.S.? 3 How long have you been in the U.S.?- -4 How many languages do you speak and what are they? 5 What grade are you in school? 6 Do you r e a d and write-- Hmong? 7 What language do you speak most at home? 8 Elow many people are in your family? 9 How many people live in your house?

10 How many brothers and sisters do you have? 11What number are you? 1.2 Who is the head of the household? 13 Are you employed? Yes No Tf yes, where? 1 4 Do you have brother(s) or sister(s) in college? Yes (].low many) No--15 Do you have American fi-iends? Male--- Female 1 6 What do you do for fin? 1 7 What do you see in the fiture for yourself? 1 8 What are your daily problems, if any? 1 9 How do you feel about your culture? 2 0 What are your Fears and fnistrations? 21Do you have a boy friend? Yes No If yes, why? 2 2 At what age do you think a Hmong girl can have a boy friend? 2 3 Do your parents approve of dating? Yes No-

Jf yes, why? If no, why? 2 4 What do you think are the proper behaviors for dating? 2 5 What are your responsibilities at home? 2 6 Do you feel they are too much? Yes No- If yes, why? 2 7 Do you have time for recreation? Yes No- Explain: 2 8 Do you have enough time to study? Yes No- Explain: 2 9 When and where do you study? 30 If you study at home, is it difficult? Yes No If yes, why? 31What kinds of problems have you experienced in the U.S.? 3 2 Do you have role model in life? Yes No--33 Wlly are they your role models? 34 Do you have anyone that you can tall; to when you have a problem?

Y e s _ _ No If "Yes" Who? 3 5Do you feel that you are Americanized and your parents are not?

Yes- No-- Explain: 36 What do you see as becoming Americanized? In what way? 37 Do you think you can become too Americanized? Yes No Explain: 38 Do you wish you were sonleone else? Yes No ITyes, why?

3 9 Do you have to take care of your brothers and sisters'? Yes No--Explain: 4 0 What would you like to do when you graduate from high school? 4 1 Do you think it's important to get a career first before marriage or marriage first?

Yes No- Explain: 4 2 Do you feel pressul.e to get married? Yes No- Explain: 4 3 What do you like and dislike about your mother? 4 4 Does your mother do things that bother you?

Yes No If yes, what are they? 4 5 Do you feel that your mother is too strict? Yes No If yes, in what way? 4 6 Do you feel that your mother still wants you to be a traditional FImong girl?

Yes No- 4 7 Do you have any pressure at home, at scl~ool, or from your mother?

Yesp- No- Explain: 4 8 Do you think your mother is understanding and open-minded?

Yes-- No- Explain: 4 9 What do you think is appropriate discipline? For example: 5 0 Do you think your mother brought you up well? Yes No Explain: 51 Do you respect your mother and the elder? Yes No- 52 Do you think many Hniong girls your age argue with their mothers?

Yes- No-- If yes, what do they argue most about? 5 3 Do you and your mother get along well? Yes No Explain: 54 I-low can your parents help you more? 55 Does your mother tell you to make paj ntawb? Yes No- 5 6 Do you think you sliould help your mother more? Yes No Explain.

Thank you.