BUILDING A HAPPY HOME

BY

ADETAYO O. SOWALE

CHAPTER ONE

INTRODUCTION

The greatest source of human joy and pain is found in the drama of love and relationships.

Marriage has always been the most common context for this drama. Today, many question the

viability and validity of marriage and openly wonder if it should continue to be esteemed as the

bedrock of modern social development.

The epidemic and explosive rise of the divorce rate adds further fuel to the fear, hopelessness,

disillusionment, and despair people feel with regard to marriage. Many are skeptical and

question their chances at success in marriage. The situation is so serious that some have opted for

co-habitation without any formal contract or legal agreement, with the understanding that no

commitment is involved—no strings attached. In essence, we are producing a generation whose

appreciation and respect for the institution of marriage is disintegrating.

Many victims of these failed marriages and divorced families develop resentment and suppressed

anger, which manifest themselves in a generational transfer of broken relationships and

emotional dysfunction. Because of the fear of failure, some have plainly stated that they neither

believe in marriage nor intend ever to marry. The negative press given to high profile individuals

in sports, entertainment, politics and, sadly, the church, whose marriages have also fallen victim

to the demise of relationships, has not helped. It has served only to further erode the respect,

confidence and the high position the marriage institution once held in the social structure of our

communities.

Where is this all headed? Where do we go from here? Will the institution of marriage survive the

onslaught of negative reports, horror stories, and the proponents of radical society change who

promote the idea that marriage has outlived its usefulness and value to human society?

I am curious: If we do away with the traditional institution of marriage, what will we replace it

with? What more effective and efficient arrangement could we find to secure the level of

commitment, loyalty, support, sense of community, and love necessary to meet the basic needs

of the human spirit, needs such as love, a sense of belonging and importance, security and

mutual respect? Over the past six thousand years no civilization or culture has produced a better

concept for orderly social development than that of the traditional institution of marriage. Every

society and culture has recognized an instinctive desire and need for a formal arrangement for

the healthy development of families.

It is my belief that no matter how advanced man may become in science, technology, systems,

and knowledge, he can never improve on the foundational precepts of marriage as the bedrock of

social development. It is my conviction that marriage is such a good idea, only God could have

thought of it and that building a happy home is possible if the principles in this project can be

adhered to. In spite of the many failed marriages, broken homes, divorce cases and disillusioned

products of failed relationships, marriage is still a good idea. In fact, it is the best idea.

CHAPTER TWO

LITERATURE REVIEW

INTRODUCTION

A lot of people are confused about marriage these days. In the eyes of many, the institution of

marriage has become irrelevant, an archaic relic of a simpler and more naïve time which affect

the building of happy in this 21st century. Concepts such as honor, trust, faithfulness, and

commitment seem old fashioned and out of touch with modern society. Many people change

partners as easily as they change shoes (and almost as frequently!).

This confusion over marriage should not surprise us, considering the bewildering barrage of

worldly attitudes and philosophies that hits us at every turn. Every day books, magazines,

movies, and television soap operas, sitcoms, and prime-time dramas bombard us with images of

wives cheating on their husbands and husbands cheating on their wives. Unmarried men and

women hop into bed with each other at the drop of a hat, and just as quickly hop out again to find

their next partner.

People today shop for relationships the way they shop for clothes. They “try something on for

size,” and if it does not fit they simply try something else. When they find something that suits

them they wear it for a while until it fades or goes out of style. Then they throw it out or hang it

up in the back of their closet and rush out to replace it. Hence, the building of a happy home

seem impossible in the face of worldly attitudes towards marriage and building a family full of

joy and happiness.

Therefore, the concept of marriage and love must be explained in this piece to do sagaciously to

the topic “building a happy home”.

Marriage Is God’s Idea:

Marriage is still a good idea because it is God’s idea. He created it. He designed it. He

established it and defined its parameters. Contrary to much contemporary thought and teaching,

marriage is not a human concept. Mankind did not simply dream up marriage somewhere along

the line as a convenient way of handling relationships and responsibilities between men and

women or dealing with childbearing and parenting issues. Marriage is of divine origin.

God Himself instituted and ordained marriage at the very beginning of human history. The

second chapter of Genesis describes how God, taking a rib from the side of the man He had

already created, fashioned from it a woman to be a “suitable helper” (Gen. 2:20) for the man.

Then God brought the man and the woman together and confirmed their relationship as husband

and wife, thereby ordaining the institution of marriage.

From the outset, God established marriage as a permanent relationship, the union of two separate

people—a man and a woman—into “one flesh.” When Adam first laid eyes on Eve he

exclaimed, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for

she was taken out of man” (Gen. 2:23, emphasis added). God’s design for marriage is found in

the very next verse: “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his

wife, and they will become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24).

“One flesh” is not simply the “gluing” of two people together but rather the “fusion” of two

distinct elements into one. If I glue two pieces of wood together, they are bonded but not fused.

They remain two separate pieces of wood, and sufficient heat or pressure will break the bond. In

the world of chemistry, different elements are linked to each other by chemical bonds that allow

them to work together in a particular manner. If that bond is broken, those elements are released

and go their separate ways.

When God ordained that the man and the woman should “become one flesh” He plainly had a

permanent, lifelong relationship in mind. Jesus, the great Jewish rabbi and teacher, made this

abundantly clear during a discussion with some Pharisees over the question of divorce. The

Pharisees asked Jesus if it was lawful for a man to divorce his wife, pointing out that Moses had

permitted it in the law.

“It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,” Jesus

Replied. “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’

‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his

wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one.

Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate”

(Mark 10:5-9).

“What therefore God has joined together let no man separate.” If marriage were of human origin,

then human beings would have the right to set it aside whenever they chose to do so. Since God

is the one who instituted marriage, He alone has the authority to determine its standards and set

its rules. He alone has the authority to do away with it. This He will not do, for the Scriptures are

clear: Marriage is a God-ordained institution that involves the joining of a man and a woman as

“one flesh” in a lifelong relationship. This institution will last as long as human life lasts on

earth. Only in the life to come will marriage be dispensed with.

The above analysis of marriage as the idea of God for mankind is the basis for the possibility of

building a happy Christian home.

Marriage Is a Foundational Institution For Building a Happy Home:

Another important truth about marriage is that God established it as the first and most

fundamental element for the building of happy home for the sustainable development of the

human society. While a happy family is the basic foundation of any healthy society, marriage is

the foundation of building a happy home family.

Marriage is a foundational institution that predates all other institutions. Before there were

nations or governments; before there were churches, schools, or businesses; there was the family;

and before the family there was marriage. It is therefore recognized that marriage is a

foundational institution for the building of a happy home.

Marriage is foundational because it is on this relationship that God began to build happy home.

When God brought Adam and Eve together in the garden, marriage was the framework for the

development of their social interaction as they grew together. It was in the context of marriage

that they learned their responsibilities toward each other and lived out their commitments to each

other.

Marriage is also the foundation upon which the Church, the community of believers and God’s

special society, rests. The New Testament describes the relationship between Christ and His

Church as being like that of a bridegroom

to his bride. This analogy has significant implications for understanding how husbands and wives

are to relate to each other. For example, in his letter to the church in Ephesus the first century

Jewish apostle Paul wrote:

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your

husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as

Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the

Savior.…Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and

gave Himself up for her….“For this reason a man will leave his father

and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one

flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and

the church

(Ephesians 5:21-23,25,31-32).

The relationship between Christ and His Church is a model for that which should exist between

husband and wife: a relationship of respect, mutual submission, and sacrificial love. This

understanding is germane for the building of a happy home.

From Genesis to Revelation the Bible often uses the word house to refer to the smallest and most

basic unit of society—the family. The “house” is the foundation of society, and marriage is the

foundation of the “house.” The health of a marriage determines the health of a “house,” and the

health of a nation’s “houses” determines the health of the nation.

What is Marriage?

How then should we define marriage? If marriage is not primarily for sex or procreation, then

what is it? As always, we can find the answer in the Bible. God’s Word is truly amazing; nothing

we read there is there by accident. The basic Greek word for “marry” or “marriage” is gameo,

which derives from the same root as our English word “gem.” That root word literally means to

“fuse together.” Fusion of different elements into one describes the process by which precious

gems are formed deep in the earth. That process is also an apt description of marriage.

Marriage as God designed it is like a precious gem. First of all, it develops over time. Diamonds

don’t form in ten years; they require millennia. It takes only a few minutes to get married, but

building a marriage requires a lifetime. That’s one reason why God established marriage as a

permanent, lifelong relationship. There must be sufficient time for two people with separate and

distinct backgrounds and personalities to become fused together as one flesh.

Secondly, godly marriage becomes stronger under pressure. A diamond is the hardest substance

on earth. Millions of tons of pressure over thousands of years fuse and transform carbonized

matter into a crystal that can withstand any onslaught. A diamond can be cut only under certain

conditions and using specially designed tools. In a similar way, external pressures temper and

strengthen a godly marriage, driving a husband and wife closer together. Just as pressure purifies

a diamond, so the everyday problems and challenges of life purify a godly marriage. A husband

and wife face the pressure together. The harder things get, the stronger their union grows.

Marriage fuses two different people into one so that under pressure they become so hard and fast

that nothing can break them.

The Concept of Love:

Phelio: Friendship Love

The etymological concept of love is from Greek word Phileo. Taking its root meaning from the

related word philos, which means “friend,” phileo is the most general term in Greek for love. It

refers to the love that one has for a friend or acquaintance. Phileo is love on the level of casual

friendship, the affection we have for someone we are familiar with. Because of its general and

casual nature, phileo is not the kind of love you need to get married. Marriage requires a deeper,

more focused love than phileo provides. If a married couple feel the same toward each other as

they do toward their casual friends, their marriage is headed for trouble. Phileo is a common

experience for all of us because we are social creatures by nature. We are naturally attracted to

other people who share similar interests with us or in whom we find a kindred spirit. True

friendship is a spice of life. A friend is someone with whom we can share our deepest thoughts

and our inmost selves, often more so than we can with family members. We all need the

nourishment of meaningful relationships with a few really good friends. Phileo describes that

kind

of relationship.

Storge: The Love of Family:

Closely related to phileo, but more close-knit, storge is the word the Greeks used to refer to the

love of family relationships. Storge describes the tender affection of parents toward their children

and that of children toward their parents. It also takes in the affectionate or close feelings that

normally exist between siblings and toward members of one’s extended family: grandparents,

cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces, and nephews.

Storge is more close-knit than phileo because storge has to do with family, and family implies

relationship. That is precisely where the key danger lies with this kind of love. Because of the

family relationship, we assume that we love our parents and our siblings and that they love us.

We take that love for granted; after all, we’re family, aren’t we? Although most of the time that

love is genuine, it is still a dangerous assumption. The problem is that being family does not

guarantee relationship. Being related by blood does not automatically lead to friendship.

The love of family represented by storge is not limited to blood relations. It is quite common for

people in the Church—those who believe in and follow Christ as Savior and Lord—to refer to

themselves collectively as members of the “family” of God and to regard each other as brothers

and sisters in the Lord. This view is entirely consistent with the teaching of God’s Word. In

Galatians 6:10 Paul speaks of “the family of believers.” Hebrews 2:11 says that all who are

“made holy” by Jesus are His brothers and members of His family. In First Peter 4:17 Peter

refers to believers as “the family of God.” Love of family is fundamental to building a happy

home which leads to the peace and stability of any society. The family is the basic building block

of society, and if families fall apart, society will soon follow.

Eros: Sexual Love:

Referring to eros as “sexual love” is really not very accurate because, strictly speaking, sex has

nothing to do with true love. Sex can occur without love; it happens all the time. Love can exist

without sex; the two are not dependent upon each other. Within the sacred and monogamous

bounds of marriage as established and ordained by the Creator, sex is a warm, intimate, and

beautiful expression of love, but by itself it is not love. This is where the world’s viewpoint has

become so completely turned around.

The ancient Greeks delighted in, and in a way, even worshiped the beauty of the human body

and sexuality. Eros was their word for sexual activity in all its forms, which they regarded as a

type of love. Eros was also the name the Greeks gave to their god of love. Worship of Eros

involved, among other things, ritual sex acts and prostitution. In its fullest and most literal sense,

the word eros embraces sexual longing, craving, and desire with no respect for sanctity; sensual

ecstasy that leaves moderation and proportion far behind. Another word to describe eros would

be lust. Utterly selfish at its core, eros seeks to fulfill its lust at the expense of another.

Unlike true love, eros is completely sensual. It centers on the physical stimulation of the five

senses—sight, smell, hearing, taste, and touch— and the desires and cravings aroused by those

senses. Because it is physical in nature, eros is controlled by chemical reactions and interactions

within the body. As such, it is driven completely by the flesh; whatever the flesh desires, eros

seeks to gratify. Erotic love is emotional love, fueled by feelings, and therefore rises and falls as

feelings do. True love, in contrast, is constant, neither motivated nor controlled by emotions.

Agape: The Divine Love

In many ways agape, the fourth and highest kind of love, is in a class by itself. Because of its

unique nature, this love needed a unique word to describe it. No ordinary word for love such as

phileo, storge, or eros was sufficient to plumb the depths of meaning represented in this highest

degree of love, so, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, New Testament writers coined the

word agape to fill the need. Outside of the New Testament, agape is found in only one instance

in ancient Greek texts, in a passage describing parents’ love for their only child. Essentially,

agape is a uniquely biblical word for a uniquely biblical concept, which is in keeping with its

uniquely spiritual nature.

Agape refers to divine love, the love God has for His people as well as the love His people give

back to Him. It is also the kind of love that the people of God are supposed to have toward one

another. Unlike phileo and storge, agape carries no obligation, holds no expectations, and lays

down no conditions. Agape is unconditional love. Unlike eros, which is the epitome of

selfishness, agape acts first and foremost for the good and welfare of another. Rather than self-

serving, agape is self-giving, a sacrificial love that pours itself out for the sake of someone else.

The greatest example of agape in action was when Jesus Christ, the sinless Son of God, poured

out His life on the cross for the sake of sinners (which includes all of us) that they might become

children of God. This truth is encapsulated in one of the most well-known verses in the Bible:

“For God so loved [agape] the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes

in Him shall not perish but have eternal life” (Jn. 3:16).

God alone is the source of agape. Apart from Him it cannot be known. He has revealed it

through Jesus Christ, and gives it freely to all who become His children by faith—who believe in

and trust in Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord—who then pass it on to others. God loves all people

in the world with divine agape, but only those who are of the community of believers know that

love by personal experience. To the world at large, agape is an unknown quantity.

Agape is not physical or chemical, nor is it an emotion or a philosophy. Agape is a Person. First

John 4:8b says, “God is love.” When we know agape, we know the Person who embodies it. As

the Son of the God who is love, Jesus Christ was agape in human flesh.

Second, agape is oneness. All those who know agape are one with God and one with each other

in heart and spirit. Literally speaking, agape means that God became one with us. In Christ He

took on our low estate, becoming like us so that He could make us like Him.

Third, agape is others-conscious, not self-conscious. Agape is constantly watching out first for

the welfare of others, looking continually for opportunities to give. True love is not complete

until it gives itself.

Fourth, agape is self-initiating. Agape takes responsibility. It does not wait for others to act first.

Romans 5:8 says, “But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still

sinners, Christ died for us.” Agape is proactive. It acts whether or not anyone else responds or

reciprocates. Jesus said, “Do to others as you would have them do to you” (Lk. 6:31). That’s just

what agape does. Agape takes the initiative.

Finally, agape is a choice. It is based not on emotion but on deliberate decision. The Bible

plainly states that God loves us but it never tells us why He loves us. There is no “why.” God

loves us because He is love and it is His nature to love. God loves us because He has chosen to

do so. His love is without discrimination. Agape does not choose who to love, it chooses simply

to love. It does not matter who the object is.

Agape is the only “true love” in the world, and the foundation for everything else we sometimes

call love. Correctly understood and exercised in the proper environment, phileo, storge, and eros

can all be legitimate and beautiful expressions of agape, but not one of them by itself is a

sufficient base upon which to build a meaningful and lasting longterm relationship. Only agape

is sufficient for that.

Understanding agape is the key to understanding the secrets of the human heart. To do so we

need to consider several facets of this glittering jewel that is agape: God’s love for us, our love

for God, our love for ourselves, and our love for others, particularly as it relates to our spouse or

potential spouse. Agepe, from the above analysis is hereby considered pivotal for the building of

a happy Christian home.

CHAPTER THREE

HOW TO BUILD A HAPPY HOME

A happy home is no accident. As with every other area of life, success in marriage does not

happen automatically. The secret to success in any endeavor is planning, and successful planning

depends on knowledge. It is only when we have accurate and adequate information that we can

plan for success. Many of us are willing to spend years in school receiving an education that we

believe will prepare us for success in our chosen career or profession. We pursue education

because education makes us versatile, and versatility increases our marketability. Increased

marketability enhances the likelihood of our success. Rather than leave our success to chance, we

plan carefully for it.

If we are so careful about planning for career success, why aren’t we just as careful about

planning for success in our home? After all, we spend years preparing for a career that may

change at any time, yet devote very little time preparing for a relationship that is supposed to last

a lifetime. If we are not careful we can end up spending too much time preparing for the wrong

things. There is nothing wrong with going to school and getting an education or deliberately

planning for success in meeting career goals. The problem is that there are many people who

have successful careers but failed marriages because they spent much time learning how to get

along with their boss and no time learning how to get along with their spouse. We invest more in

preparation to make a living than to live life effectively.

As with any other endeavor in life, success in marriage depends on information and planning.

Marriage is an investment, and success is directly proportional to the amount of knowledge and

time invested in it. Success is not a gift, but the result of careful and deliberate preparation.

Success is directly related to investment: when you invest in time and passion, you will more-

likely succeed.

Knowledge and Revelation

A home is no different. The same principle applies. A happy marriage cannot be left to chance.

Just like building a house, a successful marriage is the product of careful planning and deliberate

design, the right material, good advice, and qualified contractors. Many believers make the

mistake of assuming that because they know the Lord and have the Holy Spirit they are

guaranteed success in marriage. Proverbs 1:7 says, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of

knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline.” Fear of the Lord is the starting place of

knowledge. No matter how smart we are or how educated, until we know the Lord we have no

true knowledge. That is where we must begin.

One of the ministries of the Holy Spirit in our lives is to bring us into the knowledge of the truth.

Jesus said, “But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, will

teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you” (Jn. 14:26, emphasis

added). The Holy Spirit cannot teach us if we will not sit down to learn, and He cannot remind us

of something we never learned to begin with. We must become students of the Word of God,

fluent in the spiritual principles that govern life. Only then can the Holy Spirit teach us and

remind us.

When it comes to building a happy home, we have no guarantee of success if we do not know the

principles of success. We cannot expect the Spirit of God to “remind” us of principles or truths

we never learned in the first place. If we never learn how to communicate with our spouse, if we

never learn how to relate properly or how to deal with conflict, the Holy Spirit has nothing of

which to “remind” us. That is why knowledge is so important. At the same time, knowledge by

itself is not enough. Knowledge alone can lead us to wrong conclusions. When illuminated by

the Holy Spirit, knowledge becomes revelation. We need the wisdom of the Spirit to enable us to

properly understand and apply our knowledge.

Building on a Firm Foundation

Anything of a lasting nature is built on a firm and solid foundation, and a happy home is no

different. The only sure foundation for life is the Word of God. In one of His most famous

teachings, Jesus vividly illustrated the danger of trying to build a life on an inadequate

foundation.

Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine and puts them into practice

is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the

streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall,

because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words

of Mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his

house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and

beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash

(Matthew 7:24-27).

Just as a house built on a poor foundation will be blown away in a storm, so a happy home is

unlikely to survive the tempests of life unless it is firmly established on bedrock spiritual

principles. Let’s consider ten foundation stones upon which to build a happy and successful

home.

1. Love.

Love can be described in many different ways, but we are concerned here with agape, the love

that defines the very nature of God. Agape is selfdenying and self-giving, sacrificial love of the

type that Paul, one of the writers of the New Testament, spoke of when he wrote:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not

proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it

keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with

the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always

perseveres. Love never fails

(1 Corinthians 13:4-8a).

Love in marriage is more than just a feeling or an emotion; it is a choice. Love is a decision you

make anew every day with regard to your spouse. Whenever you rise up in the morning or lie

down at night or go through the affairs of the day, you are choosing continually to love that man

or that woman you married. Understanding that love is a choice will help keep you out of

trouble when temptation comes (and it will).

Knowing you have made a decision to love your husband or your wife will carry you through

those times when he or she has made you angry, or when you see that handsome or attractive

coworker at the office. You could have married someone else, but that’s not the point. The point

is, you made a decision. When you married your spouse, you chose to love and cherish him or

her for the rest of your life. That love must be freshened daily. One of the most important

foundation stones for a happy marriage is a sacrificial love for your spouse that you choose to

renew daily.

2. Truth.

Truth is fundamental in marriage. A marriage that is not based on truth is headed for trouble right

away. The greatest and most reliable source of truth is the Bible, which is the Word of God, who

is Himself truth and the one who designed and instituted marriage. Every conscientious husband

and wife should measure their marriage by the unchanging standard of the principles found in

God’s Word. The Bible is a truthful and reliable guide for every area of life.

Truthfulness between husband and wife is an indispensable part of a successful marriage. No

one’s interests are served if spouses are not honest with each other. Honesty, tempered and

seasoned with love, fosters an environment of trust.

3. Trust.

Trust is closely related to truth. If a husband and wife want their marriage to be happy and

successful, they must be able to trust each other implicitly. Nothing damages a marriage more

than broken trust. It’s hard to grow and prosper in an atmosphere of bitterness, resentment, and

suspicion. That is why both partners should take great care to ensure that they do not say or do

anything to give each other any reason to doubt or distrust them. Trust enables a husband and

wife to enjoy a relationship characterized by openness and transparency, with no secrets or

“locked rooms” that are kept off limits to each other. Trust is also an essential element of

commitment.

4. Commitment.

Commitment is a frightening word to many people in our society today. They are afraid of being

locked in or tied down to any kind of a long-term arrangement. That is one reason why many

marriages do not last. A man and a woman approach the marriage altar and exchange their vows

but are just going through the motions, giving only lip service to commitment. Their idea of

marriage is to hang together until the going gets rough, and then they can split. If their marriage

“works,” okay, and if it doesn’t, oh well. Few people who marry plan for their marriages to fail,

but neither do they specifically plan for success. Those who do not plan for success are virtually

guaranteed to fail.

Commitment is the lifeblood of marriage. Part of our problem is that we do not understand the

nature of a covenant. Marriage is a “blood covenant” of sorts and, like the blood covenants of

old, it lasts a lifetime. A blood covenant was neither entered into nor broken lightly. Violation of

a blood covenant brought serious consequences. Marriage involves just as serious a commitment.

It is first of all a commitment to the institution of marriage and, second, an exclusive

commitment to that person we have chosen to love and cherish for life.

5. Respect.

Any healthy relationship, marriage included, must be built on mutual respect. To respect

someone means to esteem that person, to consider him or her worthy of high regard. Wives

should respect their husbands and husbands should respect their wives. One reason why so many

marriages are in trouble is because the husband has never learned to regard his wife with proper

respect.

Many men grow up to regard women as little more than sex objects to be possessed and used at

will. Never learning any different, they carry this same ignorant viewpoint into marriage. God

created man—male and female—in His own image. He created them equal in every significant

way. Husbands and wives who see each other as made in God’s image will never have any

problems with respect. Whoever desires respect must show respect to others and live in a manner

worthy of respect. Anyone who would be respected must be respectable.

6. Submission.

Healthy marriages are built not only on mutual respect but also on mutual submission. We hear

so often that wives are supposed to submit to their husbands that we forget that submission goes

both ways. “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your husbands

as to the Lord.…Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up

for her” (Eph. 5:21-22,25). Jesus’ giving Himself up in death out of love for His Church was the

ultimate act of submission. Ephesians 5:25 says that husbands are supposed to love their wives in

that same way, a love characterized by sacrificial, self-giving submission.

Properly understood, there is nothing demeaning about submission. It is chosen freely, not

imposed from without. Essentially, submission is the willingness to give up our right to

ourselves, to freely surrender our insistence on having our own way all the time. Submission

means putting the needs, rights, and welfare of another person ahead of our own. A marriage

built on this kind of submission will grow healthy, strong, and fulfilling.

7. Knowledge.

It would be almost impossible to over-emphasize the importance of knowledge as a firm

foundation for marriage. Many marriages struggle or fail because of lack of knowledge. Couples

enter married life with no clue as to what marriage is or is not. They carry unrealistic and

unreasonable expectations of themselves, their spouses, and their relationship as a whole.

This is why a period of courtship and engagement is so important and why premarital counseling

is indispensable. Couples considering marriage need time to get to know one another. They need

time to talk about their dreams, their desires, and their expectations. They need time to study and

learn the spiritual foundations and principles for marriage that God has given in His Word. With

all the resources that are currently available, and because so much is at stake, there is no excuse

today for marital ignorance or illiteracy.

10. Financial stability.

Financial stability is one of the most often overlooked foundation stones of building a happy

home. Many young couples who are planning to marry give little thought to the importance of

entering marriage with a well-established financial base. I cannot count the number of times I

have seen this for myself. A young couple comes to me and says, “We would like to get

married.” “Are either of you working?” “No.” “Then how do you expect to make it?” “We’re in

love. We’ll make it. Love will find a way.”

Love is certainly important, even critical, but let’s be practical. Love won’t pay the rent or put

food on the table. Adjusting to married life is difficult and challenging enough on its own. The

last thing a couple needs is to go into the marriage with a lot of minuses. Financial instability is

one of the biggest minuses of all. If you’re having money problems before you are married, what

makes you think they will go away after you are married?

The time to think about finances is before the wedding—long before. A couple should discuss

the matter frankly and honestly and have a clear financial plan in place before they take their

vows. There should be a steady and dependable source of income. At the very least, the man

should have steady employment. No woman, even if she has her own career and plans to

continue working, should marry a man who does not have a job. If she does, she will most likely

end up supporting him, rather than the other way around. Financial difficulty is one of the main

causes of marital failure. Never underestimate the importance of financial stability to a

successful marriage.

PARENTAL RESPONSIBILITY: KEY TO BUILDING A HAPPY HOME

Parenting is not like any other 9 to 5 job. It is never ending and there is never enough time to do

everything. No matter how old your baby is, newborn or toddler, it is never too late to put your

baby first and enjoy being a mum or dad. Many parents think that they alone know what is best

for the children and therefore expect too much from them. They force their children into tuition

classes even though they can cope with their studies. At the same time they are asked to take up

ballet dancing (in the case of girls), taekwando (in the case of boys), music lessons, computer

classes and so on. On top of this, they insist that their children obtain straight ‘A’s in their

examinations and excel in everything else. In this rat-race they turn their children into display

objects; possessions which they can be proud to show off to their friends and relatives and for

others to talk about.

In the good old days, life as a child and a teenager was never stressful because there were not too

many expectations to fulfil. But children these days, especially those in urban areas, seem to

have so many things to do and compete in that they are deprived of a normal childhood. Many

people fail to realise that as parents, they have certain rights and also responsibilities. The child

has his or her rights and responsibilities too. What we have today are people who want to be

super parents, but in many cases the children do not turn out to be super. Parents should therefore

be realistic and reasonable. They should not set targets which they well know their children

cannot fulfill, thus avoiding unnecessary stress and disappointments to the family. Building a

happy family is a continuous process.

You are responsible as a concerned parent for the well-being and up-bringing of your children. If

the child grows up to be a strong, healthy and useful citizen, it is the result of your efforts. If the

child grows up to be a delinquent, it is you who must bear the responsibility. Do not blame

others. As parents, it is your bounden duty to guide your child on a proper path. Although there

are a few incorrigible cases of juvenile delinquency, nevertheless as parents, you are morally

responsible for the behavior of your children.

Parental support and control have to be adjusted as the child grows. The ultimate goal of

parenting is to become a friend to your child but only according to his capacity to accept

responsibility. A mistake some parents make is that they want to be a friend to their six-year old.

But we need to be careful about what we mean by “friend”. It certainly does not mean we treat a

child as if he is an equal in maturity. But there must be love, trust and respect. At that age, a

child needs a parent, not a friend. While building a loving and supportive relationship with the

children, it is recommended that parents help them develop spiritually.

Above all, you must have time for your child. Time to answer his questions, to help him

understand the wonder of life. You have to bear in mind that you are stifling the creativity in

your child when you do not answer the questions that he is raising. When a child is asking

questions, he is indeed seeking to communicate, so the biggest challenge confronting you is to

respond readily with love, and everything you do should be congruent with the natural

inquisitiveness in a child.

Being spontaneous is also important in getting children involved in things and the greatest

scientists have been known to be spontaneous. If parents do not know the answers to questions

they must make it a point to find it out for their children instead of brushing them of and telling

them that they are too busy, or it is not important, thus shutting them up and stifling their

curiosity. You will feel guilty about telling your children during their most tender and inquisitive

age: ‘Don’t ask so many questions!’ As a caring and responsible parent you should in fact

respond readily to that natural inquisitiveness in your child.

The scientific way of solving a problem is to look at the problem, find all the data available and

then come up with a solution in a coherent manner. Likewise, a child whose curiosity meets with

a favoured respond will learn to think and act scientifically as well as creatively and this will

serve him well into adulthood. For instance, when you give a toy to your child, you should give

it with tender love and joy. Instead, certain parents tend to almost shout: ‘ don’t open it like that.

Don’t break the toy, it is very expensive. Do you know how lucky you are to get such a toy?’ If

you can afford to buy the toy, he will quite logically think he can afford to break it.

You could instead be part of his discovery by telling him: ‘Come my dear, lets open the toy box

together,’ and use the fun element instead of the negative element. Give the present with joy and

love. It can be done if you are not stressed and unhappy yourself. You must be happy for it is

only in a state of happiness that one is comfortable and generous.

Parents sometimes are to be blamed for unwittingly inculcating negative social habits in their

children. For instance, a parent who asks a child to say that he or she is not in when answering a

phone call (a seemingly innocent act) plants the first seed of falsehood in the tender mind of the

child. If allowed to flourish in an environment not conducive to promoting human values, the

child may well in the future, become a destructive element to the peace, happiness and well

being of families and society, and more importantly, to himself.

Many parents and elders are today responsible for planting these seeds of falsehood in many

different ways. They either encourage falsehood directly, or by acting or speaking falsely,

initiating and allowing the vicious cycle of human value degradation to develop. The fate of our

children may well depend upon the parents and elders developing the right attitude towards a

moral upbringing truth and truthful living. Children echo the language of their parents. To

prevent the use of rude or vulgar worlds, responsible parents should use pleasant terms, as

children generally tend to imitate their parents.

A child at its most impressionable age needs the love, care, affection and attention of the parents.

Without parental love and guidance, the child will be emotionally handicapped and will find the

world a bewildering place to live in. Showering parental love on the other hand does not mean

pandering to all the demands of the child, reasonable or otherwise. Too much pampering would

in fact, spoil the child. The mother in bestowing the love and care on the child, should also be

strict and firm, but not harsh. Show your love with a disciplined hand – the child will understand.

Parents should spend more quality time with their children, particularly, during their formative

years. They should consider giving their children the gift of healthy parenting instead of

showering them with material presents. The gift includes giving the child self-esteem, striving

for positive communication, granting unconditional love and eliminating aspects that hinder the

child’s psychological development. These are gifts with true, deeper meaning. Healthy parenting

is the greatest gift a child can receive and a parent can give.

Unfortunately, amongst contemporary parents, parental love is sadly lacking. The mad rush for

material advancement, the liberation movement and aspiration for equality among the sexes have

all resulted in many mothers joining their husbands in the workforce, spending many hours in

offices and shops, rather than remaining at home and attending to their offsprings. The children,

left to the care of relations, day care centres or paid servants are deprived of tender motherly love

and care.

Parents must be good models themselves. The old parental attitude that ‘you do whatever father

tells you to do and not what he does,’ does not hold water any more. Parents must be of the right

character themselves. If we want our children to begin life well with the proper values, we have

to start and conduct at home. If there are problems in the relationship between the child and

parent, the parent must begin to look within themselves for the cause of those problems.

Sacrifices by both parents are needed. They should make time and try as far as possible to get the

family members involved together in family – oriented activities. In essence, the answer lies in

setting their priorities right i.e., putting the family ant marriage at the top of their list of priorities

in life, thus creating a close-knit family relationship for a harmonious environment at home.

Factors of Building A Happy Family

It is true in every society that a family is the smallest social unit. If every family in the country is

happy, the whole nation will be happy. What constitutes a happy family? A happy family is

defined as one that is stable in terms of social, economic, psychological and physical aspects of

life; and where there is warm affection and harmony among family members.

A family which can strike a balance between these factors is indeed a happy family. But when

we look around us and at the situation in most parts of the world, what do we see? Children

loitering in the streets and video arcades. They play truant. Children are abused, wives are beaten

and ageing parents are packed off to old folks homes regardless of their feelings. All these are

tell-tale signs that all is not well at the most basic level of society: these are sign of social

decadence.

It is a sad situation when good values and traditions are no longer practised. There is little

interaction among members of the family and friends and the sense of responsibility towards

other members of the family is weakening. Unhappiness in the family may be attributed to

poverty, but having material wealth is no guarantee of happiness either, if it simply breeds

selfishness, cruelty and greed.

A child learns affection and love from his parents and, together they make a happy family unit.

Through this microcosm of society, it learns about caring, sharing, compassion and concern for

others. Throughout the ages, religion has been an important force to organise these values into a

system that is easily recognised and taught. Thus family and religion are vital components in

imparting and nurturing these values. The family plays an important role in the development of

its members. The best of Asian and Western cultures teach and practise respect for elders,

compassion for the sick and needy, care for elderly parents and consideration for the young.

Children growing up in families practising these values will emulate them and act accordingly

towards others. But with the vast technological advances in modern civilization we are fast

losing these values. Something must be done to bring the family back together and save society.

We must protect and support family development as an institution in the light of the rapid

demographic and socio-economic changes world-wide. Extended families are giving way to

nuclear families. We can do little to stop this trend but the values of respect, concern and

compassion must be preserved. Good values, both Eastern and Western must be maintained

despite changes in lifestyle brought on by modernisation, industrialisation and urbanisation.

The mother is an important figure in family development. As care, love, tenderness and

compassion are her innate qualities; she imparts these sterling values to her children in their

upbringing. The mother, because of her love, concern, compassion, patience and tolerance thus

holds the family together. Her espousal of these values may be passed on the her children who

are great imitators and who learn by examples. We must as a group reinstate the traditional

function of the mother, with of course adjustments to suit modern needs and pressures.

Religion too, promotes good human values. Strong resilient families and the pratice of religion

are therefore necessary in the promotion of family development. It could be said that a happy

family is a group of people living amicably and peacefully together with emphasis on religion,

discipline and parenthood to create a happy family atmosphere. Value like these should be

upheld and religiously protected so that a family is not influenced by anti-social values and

unacceptable norms.

Realistic and reasonable parents make a happy family. And the only way parents can build a

happy family is through the institution of marriage. It has worked very well in the past. It can do

so now, provided we make it relevant to the needs of today’s living.

CHALLENGES OF BUILDING A HAPPY HOME

The challenges of building a happy home begins with the husband and wife which much

expatiation shall be carried out in this piece. Almost every day, we hear of people complaining

about their marriages. Young people reading romantic novels and seeing romantic films often

conclude that marriage and building a happy family is a bed of roses. Unfortunately, marriage is

not as sweet as one thinks. Marriage and marital problems are inter-related and people must

remember that when they get married, they will have to face certain problems and

responsibilities that they have never expected or experienced before.

After the euphoria of the wedding, the realities of living together will set in for the couple, and

for some, the prospects are daunting. Lack of communication or interaction with members of the

family is some of the factors which can be attributed to an unhappy marriage. A stage will be

reached when husband and wife do not even communicate with each other.

Common examples of non-communication between husband and wife are :- (a) at the breakfast

table he is deeply engrossed with the newspaper; (b) when he returns from work he will be

absorbed in his hobbies or watches television, and during the weekends he plays golf or indulges

in other pastimes; (c) he does not express any feelings or concern for the wife, let alone observe

important anniversaries or birthdays.

The wife on her part, after getting married, is no longer interested in her figure and general

appearance. She dresses shabbily. As she no longer reads or maintains a stimulating circle of

friends, the husband finds that he can no longer engage in a stimulating conversation with her.

Life then becomes boring and this leads the husband to resort to drink and seek solace outside

the matrimonial home.

When does discontent first creep into a marriage? For most couples, the first year is usually a

good year. For some couples, the adjustments of living together as husband and wife may turn

out to be a stressful experience. The arrival of the first child could also give rise to problems as

both husband and wife grapple with the realities of being first-time parents.

Some people say that for the first year after their marriage, the husband would listen to the wife.

In the second year, the wife would listen to the husband. From the third year onwards,

neighbours would listen to both of them when they shout at each other.

Usually, discontent will be greater if there is no adequate preparation for marriage. For instance,

pre-marital counselling will help couples prepare for the many surprises, pleasant or otherwise,

that they may discover in the course of their marriage.

The dissatisfaction that is supposed to hit most men after being married for some years arises

from a misconception that ‘the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.’ The tendency to

be attracted to members of the opposite sex has no age limits. Such restlessness can occur

anytime during the marriage, even for women.

Boredom is the usual cause, whereas disappointment with the partner is also a common

complaint. When expectations are not fulfilled, pockets of grouses will start to develop. In any

case, when there is no firm commitment to the marriage and no religious foundation, anything

can happen at anytime to jeopardise it.

What are the roots of discontent? Many wives say that they wish their husbands would listen to

them more, be more attentive to their needs or express their feelings better. It all boils down to a

case of communication which is very much lacking in most modern marriages. In the past,

because of their upbringing and social conditioning women were contented to remain in the

background and accept any kind of treatment at the hands of their husbands. But times have

changed. Women are now much better educated, hold responsible jobs and are aware of their

rights. Men must accept these realities and treat their wives as equal partners in a marriage.

Women can no longer be taken for granted.

For most men, marriage is a goal which they set for themselves to achieve. Having done so, they

will pour their energies and time to the other most important aspect of their lives, that is, their

career or business.

The expectations of women, on the other hand are totally different. They expect more love and

intimacy after marriage and therefore seek to spend more time with their husbands.

Bringing one’s external problems back to the home and taking it out on the spouse and children

is damaging to the family’s stability and creates a stress spiral.

In Asian societies, the problem of in-law interference is a common one. This is particularly so if

the in-laws are able to influence the decisions of their child. A common complaint put forward

by wives is that the husbands listen to their parents instead of to them. The interference of the in-

laws in the upbringing of the children is also a problem. The grand-parents tend to be relaxed

with the children and sometimes spoil them, while the parents have to discipline them. The

conflict of values between generations is often glaring in such cases. Some young couples are not

happy to allow their children to have close association with their grand parents thinking they will

learn the old fashioned way of life from their grand parents.

In India and Sri Lanka and to a lesser extent even in Malaysia, the dowry system is one of the

main obstacles to a happy union. The dowry could include the huge amounts of money, a

bungalow, a luxury car, all of these or even more, depending on how affluent the parents are.

And because parents want desperately to marry their daughters off, they make promises which

they cannot keep and the marriages start to crumble.

The dowry system has been abused. In the old days, a dowry was given to the daughter for

safekeeping in case of an emergency. Unlike today, the women then were totally dependent to

their husbands and the dowry was a kind of insurance in case their husbands became unable to

support them. Later, the dowry was to be handed over to the in-laws for safekeeping and now it

has become compulsory for the daughter-in-law’s parents to present her future in-laws with the

dowry.

People often think that it is a duty to get married and that marriage is a very important part of

their lives. However, in order to ensure a successful marriage, a couple has to harmonizes their

lives by minimizing whatever differences they may have between them. A couple must also learn

to accept each other’s shortcomings and personal weaknesses. Even happy, well-matched

couples can experience conflict, hurt, disappointment and anger. They may encounter

shortcomings in areas such as showing appreciation of each other, willingness to converse and

expressing emotions clearly. Do not shy away from conflict. Disagreements can lead to marital

growth, not distance. Quarrels are essential for survival in a healthy marriage. But a quarrel can

only be successfully terminated if both parties can forgive and forget. Be willing to work at your

marriage. Do not assume that since the first 10 or 20 years were good, the next 10 or 20 years

will also be good. Love needs to be fed – with shared experience, joys and sorrows. This requires

time, attention, courage and understanding.

One of the major causes of marital problems is suspicion and mistrust. Both husband and wife

should have and show implicit trust for one another and try not to have secrets between them.

Secrets create suspicion, suspicion leads to jealousy, jealousy generates anger, anger causes

enmity and enmity may result in separation or divorce, suicide or even murder.

If a couple can share pain and pleasure in their day-to-day life, they can console each other and

minimise their grievances. Thus, the wife or husband should not expect to experience only

pleasure in their wedded lives. There will be a lot of painful, miserable episodes, burdens and

misunderstandings. Discussing mutual problems with one another will give them confidence to

resolve any obstacle that they will have to face. They must have the strong will-power to reduce

tension and develop the confidence to live together with better understanding and tolerance.

Men and women need the comfort of each other when facing problems and difficulties. The

feeling of insecurity and unrest will disappear and life will be more meaningful, happy and

interesting if there is someone who is willing to share the other’s burden. Marital problems

prompted a cynic to say that there can be a peaceful married life if the marriage is between a

blind wife and a deaf husband, for the blind wife cannot see the faults of the husband and a deaf

husband cannot hear the nagging of his wife.

CHAPTER FOUR

RECOMMENDATIONS FOR BUILDING A HAPPY HOME

It is very clear to anyone who builds, that the proper foundation is crucial to anything to be built.

Many things have crumbled in our country because the foundation was not thought through and

plan followed. This is so very true of Gods construction, pictured in the Bible as a home. The

home that pleases God is the one that is built by the blue print given in His Word. If you have a

great Christian home it came about with years of Godly obedience and careful spiritual

construction. I want to suggest some Biblical requirements you must meet to have a happy

Christian home.

(1). Lifelong Christian Relationship: True Godly marriage begins with one man and woman

pledging to live together until death . Same sex marriage is a formula for doom and fails most

of the time. The divorce rates among today's married is also a shame and disgrace. God instituted

it for a lifetime relationship, recorded in heaven. Marriage should be approached prayerfully as

two people who know Christ and will serve Him forever. Your marriage should be a lifetime

relationship.

"Have ye not read, that He which made them at the

beginning made them male and female. And

said, For this cause shall a man leave father

and mother, and shall cleve to his wife: and

they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they

are no more twain, but one flesh. What

therefore God hath joined together, let not man

out asunder"

Matt. 19:4-6.

(2). Spiritual Unity: Be sure your future partner is a true believer as are

you. Only confusion and conflict will result if one of the partners is not saved. There must be

a oneness in Christ and a combined love for Christ, without which you home will never be

one of spiritual communion.

"Be not unequally yoked together with

unbelievers" II Cor. 6:14. And "Can two walk

together, except they be agreed" Amos 3:3?

(3). Follow the Bible Pattern: The book of Eph. 5:22-25 explained the wife's relationship to

her husband, his responsibility to lead, and both being subject to Christ in everything. The man is

the head, Esther 1:22, he must support his wife fully, I Peter 3:7. You men are commanded to

lead the family and the wife as the weaker vessel must follow. Let's put all the jokes aside and

understand this will put great stability into your family. Tragic family ruining arguments develop

when everyone, including junior, wants their way.

(4). Daily Involvement: A happy Christian home takes the combined efforts of every member of

the family. Dad you must keep sincere rule and control over family activities. Mom you are so

vital to please your husband, and keep the kids cared for daily. You kids get busy and clean up

that pig pen you call your bedroom, Ha! There are lawns to mow, trash to carry, and all must

share without complaint in the operation of your home. "

That ye be not slothful but followers of them

who through faith and patience inherit the

promises"

Heb. 6:12.

Always remember "Be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God

for Christ's sake hath forgiven you" Eph. 4:23.

5). Self Discipline: Do not press your family with the need of things, and worry over the

problems of this time. Beware of covetousness and over emphasis on possessions. Money

worry can become a time consuming desire in which you forget, the Lord knows exactly what

you need. It is necessary to work hard for the purchase of the needs of the family, and not to

be lazy. Discipline yourself to wrap your family around you as parents, and bring your kids up to

know the provision of God. He can provide another job or help in a health crisis as you practice

self discipline.

"And seek not ye what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink,

Neither be ye of a doubtful mind. For all these

things do the nations of the world seek after;

and your father knoweth ye have need of these

things. But rather seek ye the kingdom of God;

and all these things shall be added unto you"

Luke 12:29-31.

(6). Discipline Your Children: . I am not suggesting abuse, but firm, private, correction,

followed by sincere apology by the guilty party. You dare not run your family like the unsaved

one next door. Be sure you correct in love and not anger. The results of proper correction are

guaranteed by God. "Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not

depart from it" Prov. 22:6. "Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for

his crying" Prov. 19:18. Never allow disobedience to gain the upper hand. Clearly adopt home

and family rules and keep them. "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of

correction will drive it far from him" Prov. 22:15.

(7). Family Worship." Notice the continual training of the family day by day. Oh

yes, faithful attendance to all the services of your church, but the whole family should live

in the reminders of the presence of God. It should be a continual daily process of teaching and

example.

Therefore shall ye lay up these my words in

your heart and in your soul, and bind them for

a sign upon thy hand, that they may be as

frontlets between your eyes. And ye shall teach

them to your children, speaking of them when

thou sittest in thy house, and when thou

walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and

when thou riseth up, and thou shalt write them

upon the door posts of thine house, and upon thy gates."

Deut. 11:18-20

(8). Praise and Rebuke: Dear parent, look for something you can praise your child for, and

often do it. Wife, hold up your husband high in esteem and be a voice of encouragement.

Husband, take time to encourage her for all the things you often take for granted. Families who

praise one another hold together with satisfaction in this evil world. Don't hesitate to carefully

point out failure, but do it in a loving way, and labor together to correct the problems that exist.

"A man has joy by the answer of his mouth : and a

word spoken in due season, how good it is"

Prov. 15:23.

9). Reward and Penalties: Particularly with young one in your home, reward obedience and put

a penalty on rebellion. A night out for the family can be a focal point for one of your kids

accomplishments. One man told his wife he was going to take her to an expensive place. He then

drove them to a gas station. I hope he went beyond the joke and went on to somewhere nice. We

need to constantly stress the need for faithfulness. Rev. 2:10 promises, "Be thou faithful unto

death, and I will give you a crown of life." Reward for obedience by any believer stretches like a

silver cord throughout the Bible. Galatians 6:7 reminds us there are also penalties, "For he that

soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the

Spirit reap life everlasting." Our responsibility as Christian parents is a sobering responsibility.

Perhaps I can squeeze in one more.

(10). Constant Example: Every believer is watched by the sinners around us, and also the

children of God. "For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which

God hath before ordained that we should walk in them" Eph. 2:10. We can fill our homes with

the cesspool of entertainment garbage, or fill it with good Christian music. We can show the

neighbors we listen to the same evil fleshly trash or choose something far better. We can step out

on the town in places we have no business visiting We can divorce and split and be unfaithful to

our family wreck our testimony and become a laughing stock before the world. We need rather

to be "examples of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit in faith, in purity"

I Tim. 4:12. Lets make our home sweet home a profoundly spiritual home, and great will be our

reward, now and in eternity

CHAPTER FIVE

SUMMARY

A happy home is no accident. As with every other area of life, success in marriage does not

happen automatically. The secret to success in any endeavor is planning, and successful planning

depends on knowledge. It is only when we have accurate and adequate information that we can

plan for success.

It is true in every society that a family is the smallest social unit. If every family in the country is

happy, the whole nation will be happy. What constitutes a happy family? A happy family is

defined as one that is stable in terms of social, economic, psychological and physical aspects of

life; and where there is warm affection and harmony among family members. A family which

can strike a balance between these factors is indeed a happy family.

It is discovered that a happy family is a functional co-effiecient of a happy marriage. Marriage is

established as God’s idea. And that by being founded on the foundation laid down in God’s word

a happy family can be built.

Love in this piece is recognized as another pivotal instrument in the creation of a happy

marriage. Diverse kinds of love: Eros(sexual love), Storge (love of the family), phelio (friendship

love), and agape love(love of God) were discussed here in this project. But it is absolutely

established that the major kind of love upon which the building of a happy home is possible is

the agape kind of love.

As it is established that a happy home is an aftermath of a happy marriage, it is unveild that a

man(husband) and woman(wife) must submit, love, trust and be faithful to one another as they

build the micro-society called the family. Parents are also encouraged to spend quality time with

their children as they are the one from which the children absorb one value or the other. The

father and mothers are encouraged to play their parental responsibilities to the fullest as it key to

the successful building of a happy home.

It is very clear to anyone who builds, that the proper foundation is crucial to anything to be built.

Many things have crumbled in our country because the foundation was not thought through and

plan followed. This is so very true of Gods construction, pictured in the Bible as a home. The

home that pleases God is the one that is built by the blue print given in His Word. If you have a

great Christian home it came about with years of Godly obedience and careful spiritual

construction. Therefore, the following biblical requirements are recommended for the firm

building of a happy Christian home:

(1). Lifelong Christian Relationship: True Godly marriage begins with one man and woman

pledging to live together until death. (Matt. 19:4-6.)

(2). Spiritual Unity: Be sure your future partner is a true believer as are you. (Amos 3:3?)

(3). Follow the Bible Pattern: The book of Eph. 5:22-25 explained the wife's relationship to

her husband, his responsibility to lead, and both being subject to Christ in everything.

(4). Daily Involvement: A happy Christian home takes the combined efforts of every member of

the family: Dad, Mum and the Children. (Heb. 6:12).

(5). Self Discipline: Do not press your family with the need of things, and worry over the

problems of this time. Beware of covetousness and over emphasis on possessions. Luke

12:2931.

(6). Discipline Your Children: I am not suggesting abuse, but firm, private, correction,

followed by sincere apology by the guilty party. You dare not run your family like the unsaved

one next door. (Prov. 22:6. Prov. 19:18. Prov. 22:15).

(7). Family Worship." Notice the continual training of the family day by day. Oh yes, faithful

attendance to all the services of your church, but the whole family should live in the reminders of

the presence of God. (Deut. 11:18-20)

(8). Praise and Rebuke: Dear parent, look for something you can praise your child for, and

often do it. Wife, hold up your husband high in esteem and be a voice of encouragement.

Husband, take time to encourage her for all the things you often take for granted. Families who

praise one another hold together with satisfaction in this evil world. Don't hesitate to carefully

point out failure, but do it in a loving way, and labor together to correct the problems that exist.

(Prov. 15:23).

9). Reward and Penalties: Particularly with young one in your home, reward obedience and put

a penalty on rebellion. A night out for the family can be a focal point for one of your kids’

accomplishments. (Rev. 2:10)

(10). Constant Example: Every believer is watched by the sinners around us, and also the

children of God (Eph. 2:10). We can fill our homes with the cesspool of entertainment garbage,

or fill it with good Christian music. I Tim. 4:12. Let’s make our home sweet home a profoundly

spiritual home, and great will be our reward, now and in eternity

In conclusion, the above analysis have just made everyone understand that a happy home is only

found and founded in God, His Word ( principles and precepts) and also engaging the enabling

power of the Holy Spirit.

References:

The Purpose of Love and Marriage by Dr. Myles Munroe.

A Happy Home by Dr. Hal Webb, Evangelist.

Parental Responsibilities In The Upbringing Of Their Children by Ven. Dr. K Sri

Dhammananda