Dealing with parents who are irate and who bully

DEALING WITH PARENTS WHO ARE ANGRY IRATE

AND WHO BULLYThe Bully Proof Classroom

Jim Burnswww.bullyproofclassroom.com

WE ARE NOW IN A POST 9-11 ERA

SECURITY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING THAT ORGANIZATIONS FACE

EVERYDAY

IT COULD BE A SPORTING EVENT, PUBLIC BUILDING

OR A SUBWAY RIDESCHOOLS ARE NO

DIFFERENT

WITH THE NUMBER OF SCHOOL SHOOTINGS

THAT HAVE OCCURREDSCHOOLS ARE VIGILANTE IN

GUARDING THE SAFETY OF THEIR STUDENTS

AND THEIR TEACHERS

IF A PARENT GETS UPSET ABOUT SOMETHING THAT

HAPPENED WITH THEIR CHILD

THEY WILL COME INTO SCHOOL AND THEY WILL

DEMAND TO SEE YOU

THESE PARENTS HAVE THE WRONG MOTIVE AND THE

WRONG PERSONALITY

THEY ARE BULLY’S

IF YOU WORK IN A COMMUNITY BASED SCHOOL

AND THE STUDENTS CAN WALK

YOU WILL SEE THEM IN THE AFTERNOON;

RIGHT AFTER SCHOOL

IF YOU WORK IN A SCHOOL WHERE STUDENTS ARE

BUSED INYOU WILL SEE THEM FIRST THING IN THE

MORNING

THEY WILL GET INTHEY WILL BYPASS ANY

BLOCKADE

THEY WILL ARRIVE AT THE POINT OF BATTLE

AND SPRING A SURPRISE ATTACK ON YOU

YOU WILL BE LEFT ALONE

TO ENGAGE IN HAND TO HAND COMBAT

PARENTS LIKE THIS ARE NOT HAPPY

PEOPLETHEY NEED A REASON

TO EXPRESS THEIR ANGER AND YOU JUST

GAVE IT TO THEM

THE TRIALS OF LIFE HAVE WORN THEM OUT

THEIR TEETH ARE LIKE KNIVES AND THEIR

WORDS SHARPER THEN ANY TWO EDGED

SWORD

THEY SEEK TO BULLY

THEIR OWN IMPRINT IN LIFE TELLS THEMTO USE A LOUD VOICE

TO GET WHAT THEY WANT

THEY SEEK TO PUT YOU ON THE DEFENSIVEAND PROMISE YOU

THAT IF THEY DON’T GET WHAT THEY WANT

THAT THEY WILL GO UP ONE SIDE OF ADMINISTRATION

AND DOWN THE OTHER

UNTIL YOUR HEAD IS SERVED TO THEM ON A

SILVER PLATTER

BY THE PRINCIPAL OR SUPERINTENDENT

HOW DO WE DEAL WITH SUCH UNREASONABLE

BEHAVIOR?THERE IS A WAY, BUT IT

WILL TAKE SOME EFFORT ON YOUR PART

OUR OWN IMPRINT STANDS IN THE WAY

OUR OWN IMPRINT?

YES, OUR OWN IMPRINT; WE WERE ALL IMPRINTED

WHAT WE FEAR THE MOST WAS IMPRINTED IN OUR BRAIN BY THE

TIME WE WERE 5 YEARS OLD

WHEN A PARENT COMES IN AND BEGINS TO RAISE

THEIR VOICE AT US…

WE EXPERIENCE THE SAME CHILD LIKE FEAR

THAT WE HAD…..

WHEN MOM OR DAD SCOLDED US FOR OUR

BEHAVIOR

A BARKING DOG NEVER BITES

SO WE NEED TO OVERCOME THE FEAR OF BEING

YELLED AT OR CRITICIZED

THIS IS NOT EASY

IT IS VERY HARD

THE PARENT IS AS AFRAID AS YOU ARE

THEY BELIEVE A THE BEST DEFENSE IS A

GOOD OFFENSESO THEY COME IN READY TO FIGHT

YOUR STATEMENT TO THEM SHOULD BE….

“YOU HAVE MISTAKEN ME FOR SOMEONE WHO

WANTS TO FIGHT”

LEARN HOW TO HAVE A PRODUCTIVE CONFLICT

LEAVE ENOUGH SPACE IN A CONVERSATION

FOR A DISAGREEMENT

HERE ARE THE STEPS THAT YOU NEED TO TAKE..

THAT WILL TURN AN UGLY

CONFRONTATION..

INTO A PRODUCTIVE CONFLICT

IT WILL SAVE THE DIGNITY OF BOTH YOU

AND THE PARENT

YOU WILL BECOME PART OF THE SOLUTION NOT PART OF

THE PROBLEM

STEP ONE

DON’T ACT SURPRISED

STEP TWO

PARENTS THAT COME IN EARLY IN THE MORNING OR LATE IN THE DAY ARE NOT

HAPPY.. BE READY FOR SOME QUESTIONING

STEP THREE

LET THEM RAISE THEIR VOICE IF NEEDED

STEP FOUR

INVITE THEM INTO YOUR ROOM OR A ROOM AND ONCE THEY ARE

SEATED…

EXCUSE YOURSELF…THIS GIVES YOU TIME TO LET A COLLEAGUE KNOW

WHAT IS GOING ON.

ASK YOUR COLLEAGUE TO KNOCK ON THE DOOR IN ABOUT 10 MINUTES..

IF THE MEETING IS GOING WELL, YOU CAN CONTINUE, IF NOT YOU

HAVE AN OUT

STEP FIVE

WHEN YOU RETURN SIT IN CLEAR VIEW OF THE PARENT

GET INTO PHYSICAL RAPPORT BY MIRRORING

THE PARENT’S BODY POSITION

DON’T MIMIC THEM BUT SIT IN AS SIMILAR

POSITON AS POSSIBLE

STEP SIX

PRACTICE GOOD LISTENING SKILLS

GIVE THE PARENT 5-7 MINUTES TO SPEAK

STEP SEVEN

AFTER 5-7 MINUTES OF GOOD LISTENING…

CHANGE YOUR BODY POSITION

IF THE PARENT CHANGES WITH YOU, YOU NOW CAN

SPEAK..IF NOT

GO BACK TO THE WAY THEY WERE SITTING

STEP EIGHT

GET TO THE ROOT OF THE PROBLEM AS FAST

AS POSSIBLE

ALWAYS AGREE IN PRINCIPLE NOT IN

CONTENTI SEE YOUR CONCERN, I

UNDERSTAND, GOOD POINT

All work well

STEP NINE

DON’T’ ARGUE OR DISAGREE WITH THE POSSIBLE SOLUTION

YOU ARE ALMOST THERE AND YOUR GOAL

HERE IS TO GET THE PARENT TO LEAVE

STEP TEN

PLAN TO MEET AGAIN

THIS GIVES YOU A CHANCE TO BE MORE PREPARED AND HAVE

AN ADMINISTRATOR OR A GUIDANCE COUNSELOR PRESENT