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Revealing all your dirty little secrets!
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Issue No.2 - January 4, 2012
THE WEEKLY
EXPOSING YOUR DIRTY LITTLE SECRETS!
EXPOSER!
PRINCESS KIARA WAS SEEN
HAVING A COZY DATE WITH
TWILIGHT STAR TAYLOR
LAUTNER ON TUESDAY. A
WITNESS DESCRIBED THE
COUPLE AS A PAIR OF
“GIGGLY GERTY’S”.
FA PRODUCTIONS’ NEW MOVIE NEON SET TO CONTAIN SUBLIMINAL MESSAGES,
AASHLEYSEG & NORBERT’S AASHLEYSEG & NORBERT’S
ROMANTIC RENDEVOUS!ROMANTIC RENDEVOUS!
ALEX & SY PARTY NJ STYLE! ALEX & SY PARTY NJ STYLE!
CHARISMATIC’S
“FALL” FROM
GRACE
CHECK OUT
THE LATEST
COSMETIC
SURGERY
SCANDALS!
MINRAED’S MAKEUP MINRAED’S MAKEUP MINRAED’S MAKEUP
MALFUNCTION!MALFUNCTION!MALFUNCTION!
CATKETTY’S BRUSH WITH THE LAW AFTER DANGEROUS CHRISTMAS PARTY ON
PUBLIC BEACH
EXTRA SIFF BUZZ!
CHECK OUT WHAT’S
BEEN HAPPENING!
AASHLEYSEG'S EXTRA-MARITAL AFFAIR
WITH ROMANIAN NATURALIST
It seems that AashleySEG's world is crumbling
around her. Just hours after she was fired from
her role in JN's new movie Ayla the Dryad,
these saucy snaps of her canoodling with
Romanian nudist Midnight445 emerged on the
internet. In an exclusive interview,
Midnight (also known as Norbert) re-
vealed that he hid the camera
himself, with the intention of
releasing the photos to boost his
presence within the celebrity com-
munity: "I 'ave been avay for so
long, and I needed to tell the vorld
that I am back, and more naked than
ever!". Mrs SEG expressed her anger
via twitter: "@Bzanna He had over 500 bars of #Woohooium in his
bedroom, how could I resist?" Ashley's husband, Bridgeport
celebrity chef Barry Tenderlove, was said to be coping by gorging
himself on Cheezdoodles and chocolate milk. He declined to comment.
FA PRODUCTION’S NEON MOVIE TO CONTAIN SUBLIMINAL
MESSAGES ENCOURAGING VIEWERS TO EAT GRASS JELLO
FA Production’s Gus is in
the media firing line
after being accused of
brainwashing his audi-
ence. In what is
reported to be a multi-
million dollar deal be-
tween the production
company and Landgraab
Enterprises, Gus has
agreed to intertwine secret messages throughout the scenes of
his new movie NEON. The product, Grass Jello, is currently not
very popular on account of it tasting like feet, however Land-
graab have mass-produced the product and needs to off-load it
somehow. They decided that getting movie-goers to purchase the
ghastly canned dessert would be an excellent idea, and FA
Productions appeared to agree. Shame on you FA, shame on you.
ALEX AND SYLENT PARTY HARD IN
SEASIDE WITH SNOOKI
SSProductions and Sylentwhysper traded
in their gaunt blue skin for fake tan
as they danced the night away in New
Jersey last week. The pair were
thrilled to meet Nicole 'Snooki'
Polizzi and her new boyfriend Pugsley
McKaynine on the dance floor of her
favourite nightclub. When asked about
meeting Snooki, Sylent revealed: "I
was surprised at how short she is".
Alex stated: "It was the best night of
my life!". The pair were disappointed
to have to fly back home the next day
to their heavy work schedules.
MINRAED ARZHEL ASKED TO LEAVE AFTER
MUSICAL PERFORMANCE AT CHARITY DINNER
Minraed has been accused of discrimination
following a musical performance for a charity
evening in Quebec last week. The high-profile
director of Lucinda offered to play her Bass at a
benefit for the charity “CARC” (Canadians Against
Ridiculing Clowns), but angered guests when she
took to the stage with silly clown make-up, and
made silly clown-faces during the performance. The
Exposer spoke to CARC president Gus Hart: “We
have worked hard to improve the quality-of-life
for misunderstood Canadian clowns, and Ms Arzhel
has turned us back into a laughing stock!”.
Minraed insists that it was an innocent mistake:
“We had a power-cut at home, so I had no choice
but to apply my make-up in the dark”. Mr Hart said
CARC received no formal apology from Ms Arzhel.
CHARISMATIC? NOT SO MUCH…
Everything Flows director Charismatic789 has
been kicked out of his synchronized ballet
club “Twinkletoes”. Sources close to the group
reveal that Charismatic has been “burning the
candle at both ends”. Being a masterpiece
movie maker by day, and a graceful swan by
night has taken its toll on Charismatic’s
wellbeing, and the group needed to think of
the high standard they set themselves.
BEFORE
AFTER
BUZZ!
POSTER SUBMISSIONS DUE
JANUARY 15, SO GET CRACKING!
CHECK OUT WHAT YOU’RE UP AGAINST SO FAR:
Nebunedzar AAshleySEG
MAKE AN AD! SUBMIT IT! RIGHT NOW!
SylentWhysper
Submissions for SIFF March 2012 are now
being accepted. Before entering, please
check out the SIFF Rules and Guidelines
(above)
HALL OFHALL OFHALL OF
Fame...Fame...Fame... OR ShameShameShame The picture of this
monstrous woman was
taken by Oakhaven
Productions. Check
out his gallery if you’re
interested, there’s also
one of her making out
with a hairy ginger on
her bed.
No Norbert, naked is not
the new black. While the
exposer commends you
on your lack of pants,
the notion of being
completely nude is
absurd! The least you
could do is put on a hat!
Looks like Team Rocket’s blasting off again! But I jest!
This great photo of Pinocchio as he is swept away by a
fierce tornado is an excellent example of
photojournalism…the poor wooden lad was found a few
miles south of his departure point, in several pieces.
Fortunately all the kings horses and all the kings men,
COULD put Pinocchio together again! This photo was
shamelessly taken from Ausagi’s gallery.
CATKETTY21 FINED $10K AFTER DAMAGE TO PUBLIC PROPERTY
CatKetty has got herself into trouble with the law
recently after a rip-roaring Christmas Party on the
Sunset Valley beach. The director and her production
company, KDK21 Productions, lit up the sky with
unsanctioned fireworks and seizure-inducing strobe
lights. One firework broke a neighbor’s window, another
started a fire in a city-owned garden. Local elderly
woman, Bessie Clavell appeared to be enjoying herself,
until a rogue firecracker accidently set fire to her
skirt. She escaped injury, but had to walk home in her bloomers. It’s understood
that the production company received a $10,000 fine, and Ms Ketty has been banned
from the beach for one year. Instead of remorse or concern, witnesses claim that
Cat was amused by all of the mayhem occurring around her. Police have advised
locals to think twice before attending one of her functions in the future.
If only this guy was as good at
interviewing as he was with a
camera. After peeping tom
Don Lothario brazenly
snapped this flattering picture
of Mercy director Nanami, he
started firing off questions
regarding her actors. With a
swift Kung-Pao Karate chop
from Nanami, the Don knew
not to mess with a director on
a deadline!
PLASTIC SURGERY SPECIAL! Stars today never seem to be happy with the way they look. Many celebrities
today are trading in their tired old bodies in for a more youthful version of
themselves. Today we showcase three different stars who have dipped their
toes in the waters of cosmetic surgery.
Bzanna
It appears that Bzanna, accomplished director,
actor and singer, decided her chest should be
the same size as her list of completed projects.
We caught the star sneaking into the infamous Dr
Crumplebottom’s Patch’N’Dispatch Breast
Augmentation and Rhinoplasty Clinic in the
Bronx. Her procedure lasted less than two hours,
and going by the pics, she got some decent
results!
Felix Ferret
Felix Ferret, featured actor in SSProduction's films
and Emperor of Evil series, was spotted visiting an
exclusive cosmetic surgery clinic on the outskirts of
LA. An insider revealed this week that Mr Ferret has an
unhealthy desire to increase the size of his
butt-cheeks. Previous attempts, including specialized
gym workouts and protein shakes, have only lead to
increased flatulence. It now seems that Felix has
abandoned natural methods for cosmetic surgery. These
shocking photos reveal Mr Ferret checking out his
booty on the experimental Bum-a-tron 2000. The
procedure is expected to set him back $3,500, not
including on-going therapeutic buttock massages.
Jinja Ninja
Film director JN was not so lucky
with his cosmetic surgery
procedure. The star went to the
same clinic as abovementioned
Felix Ferret. It’s believed that
Mr Ninja requested a facelift, but
as the clinic specializes only in
cosmetic buttock surgery, they
applied their trademark procedure
to his face. Our source (and
photo) suggests that JN is
thrilled with his new look.
Before After
Before After
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