The competent manager ✓U✓U nderstands the difference between conflict, bullying and violence....

The competent manager

✓ Understands the difference between conflict, bullying and violence.

✓ Distinguishes between genuine or malicious complaints

✓ Identifies manipulative metaphors, eg ‘ Women over-react' or ‘John’s like that.’

✓ Is fair- avoids cliques, nepotism, mobbing by ‘boy’s club’ or ‘girl’s clique’.

✓ Doesn’t confuse bullying with management practices, performance issues or disciplinary procedures

✓ Investigates hidden agendas, eg over-sensitive targets, under -performing bullies, bully/victim game

✓ Doesn’t burnout youngsters, the vulnerable or the conscientious

✓ Treats those who are different with respect

✓ Implements disciplinary guidelines when necessary.

Management Hints

Value every employee or contractor

Use commitment, consistency in every section

Use collaboration - avoid adversarial approaches for work difficulties

Listen, observe and use all evidence

Support active witnesses

Be vigilant- confront complaints and conflict immediately

Respect your ethical and legal obligations

Don’t ignore or reward bullying behaviours

Performance review results and interpersonal relationships

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What do targets and bullies require? This is not rocket science!!

• Validation- acknowledgement

• Support, respect and understanding

• Non-threatening discussion/confrontation

• Effective, fair investigation/restorative practices

• Clear explanation of consequences

• Safe workplace

• Training/counselling/coaching/mentoring

• Reconciliation

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Employees-Consider your options

1. Help yourself: if safe- confront

2. Play the waiting game

3. Use suck-up strategies

4. Informal approach- get help within the organization

5. Formal complaint - mediation, dispute resolution process

6. Get help outside your organization- law, union

7. Report to police- criminal or fraudulent behaviours

8. Go public- media, board meetings, internet sites

9. Exit

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Employee ActivatorsEmployee Activators

Record- every nasty/bullying incident + positive performance feedback

Maintain physical and emotional health

Legal and union advice

Obtain regular support : doctor-therapy-support group

Protect yourself financially

Obtain feedback from others

Seek those with power to help

develop your emotional and social resilience

Why ?

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secret 1.Regulate your feelings

Understand the four main feelings

Happy, sad, angry or scared

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Identify your survival Instinct

Gut instinct

Anger and fear

Fight

/flight/freeze

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Regulate your feelings:think and respond wisely

1. Identify - what are you feeling now?

2. Quantify - how much are you feeling?

3. Release-options, when, where, how often?

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3. Release

• Biochemical eg 70+dark chocolate, Bach Rescue Remedy

• Taste eg,potato chips, chamomile tea,

• Smell eg ylang ylang,home cooking,open fire,

• Verbal- “ I feel”,write it down,

• Humour - funny movies, jokes,

• Physical- deep breathing, exercise

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Secret 2.Understand the reasons

Don’t blame yourself, blame others or feel helpless or powerless

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Secret 3.Rebuild your self esteem to value yourself

• To repair the damage

• Become assertive and confidant

• Then others will like you

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Building your self esteem

How do make yourself feel good?

Do you absorb positive feedback?

How do you give to others?

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Secret 4. Use effective communication skills

Become authentic, assertive and respected

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Body language

eye talk

face talk - neutral or involved

body talk

Voice

Words

Communication skillsCommunication skills

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58% Body language

eye talk

face talk - neutral or involved

body talk

35% Voice

7% Words

Communication skills. Communication skills.

A. MehrabianA. Mehrabian

19

Secret 5 Protect and empower yourself

Deal with

• Physical abuse

• Social exclusion

• Verbal bullying

• Sexual, racial, gender harassment

• Electronic abuse

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All sorts of difficult people • Critical

• Argumentative

• Sarcastic

• Dogmatic

• Aggressive

• Conflicting

• Physically abusive

• Socially exclusive

• Passive aggressive

• Verbal bullying

• Electronic harassment

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Dealing with difficult people

• Identify the situation

• Be friendly, respectful, use assertive body language

• Identify the difficulties

• Express your thoughts and feelings

• Investigate their perception

• Show understanding of their perspective

• Find common ground

• Discuss options

• Process their feedback

• Negotiate, resolve or move on

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Gentle blockers

• Set limits- “ When I have done XYZ, I'll help you.”

• Clarify- “I need feedback, have I erred?"

• Broken record- “Please answer my question.”

• " I wouldn't say she's a bitch but others may differ."

• Baffle- “I didn’t realize that I should've done blah blah, I must have

misinterpreted you instructions.”

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Tough blockers • Confront criticism- “Where is your evidence?”

• Polite- “Is undue criticism a motivation technique?”

• Joke- ‘Congratulations Julie, ha ha ha, you've qualified for bitch of the

year award.”

• Cheeky- “How can I stop you pushing me?”

• Be assertive- “I find this really offensive”

• Be truthful- “I am offended by your remarks and would like an

apology”

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powerhand excercisepowerhand excercise exerciseexercise

Don’t give your power away

Look for the dumbstruck look

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Secret 6.Build your support network

Build a support network

Be a friendly, caring person

Belong to small and large tribes, at work and outside.

Get help from colleagues at work

Have a bunch of 4-5 close colleagues

Forget having one best friend - when you need them they’ve gone

to Darwin!

Create your own village

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Respect and resilience at work

• Create a friendly, caring place to work

• Give everyone positive encouragement

• Help all staff grow professionally

• Involve all staff in decision making, eg regular meetings

• Communication- listen, empathize, collaborate

• Encourage work-life balance

• Collaborate and resolve differences together.

ThankyoThankyouu

ThankyoThankyouu

Evelyn M. Field FAPS

Phone: 03 9523 0300

Email:info@bullying.com.au

www.bullying.com.au