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The competent manager
✓ Understands the difference between conflict, bullying and violence.
✓ Distinguishes between genuine or malicious complaints
✓ Identifies manipulative metaphors, eg ‘ Women over-react' or ‘John’s like that.’
✓ Is fair- avoids cliques, nepotism, mobbing by ‘boy’s club’ or ‘girl’s clique’.
✓ Doesn’t confuse bullying with management practices, performance issues or disciplinary procedures
✓ Investigates hidden agendas, eg over-sensitive targets, under -performing bullies, bully/victim game
✓ Doesn’t burnout youngsters, the vulnerable or the conscientious
✓ Treats those who are different with respect
✓ Implements disciplinary guidelines when necessary.
Management Hints
Value every employee or contractor
Use commitment, consistency in every section
Use collaboration - avoid adversarial approaches for work difficulties
Listen, observe and use all evidence
Support active witnesses
Be vigilant- confront complaints and conflict immediately
Respect your ethical and legal obligations
Don’t ignore or reward bullying behaviours
Performance review results and interpersonal relationships
3
What do targets and bullies require? This is not rocket science!!
• Validation- acknowledgement
• Support, respect and understanding
• Non-threatening discussion/confrontation
• Effective, fair investigation/restorative practices
• Clear explanation of consequences
• Safe workplace
• Training/counselling/coaching/mentoring
• Reconciliation
4
Employees-Consider your options
1. Help yourself: if safe- confront
2. Play the waiting game
3. Use suck-up strategies
4. Informal approach- get help within the organization
5. Formal complaint - mediation, dispute resolution process
6. Get help outside your organization- law, union
7. Report to police- criminal or fraudulent behaviours
8. Go public- media, board meetings, internet sites
9. Exit
5
Employee ActivatorsEmployee Activators
Record- every nasty/bullying incident + positive performance feedback
Maintain physical and emotional health
Legal and union advice
Obtain regular support : doctor-therapy-support group
Protect yourself financially
Obtain feedback from others
Seek those with power to help
develop your emotional and social resilience
Why ?
7
secret 1.Regulate your feelings
Understand the four main feelings
Happy, sad, angry or scared
9
Identify your survival Instinct
Gut instinct
Anger and fear
Fight
/flight/freeze
10
Regulate your feelings:think and respond wisely
1. Identify - what are you feeling now?
2. Quantify - how much are you feeling?
3. Release-options, when, where, how often?
11
3. Release
• Biochemical eg 70+dark chocolate, Bach Rescue Remedy
• Taste eg,potato chips, chamomile tea,
• Smell eg ylang ylang,home cooking,open fire,
• Verbal- “ I feel”,write it down,
• Humour - funny movies, jokes,
• Physical- deep breathing, exercise
12
Secret 2.Understand the reasons
Don’t blame yourself, blame others or feel helpless or powerless
13
Secret 3.Rebuild your self esteem to value yourself
• To repair the damage
• Become assertive and confidant
• Then others will like you
14
Building your self esteem
How do make yourself feel good?
Do you absorb positive feedback?
How do you give to others?
15
Secret 4. Use effective communication skills
Become authentic, assertive and respected
16
Body language
eye talk
face talk - neutral or involved
body talk
Voice
Words
Communication skillsCommunication skills
18
58% Body language
eye talk
face talk - neutral or involved
body talk
35% Voice
7% Words
Communication skills. Communication skills.
A. MehrabianA. Mehrabian
19
Secret 5 Protect and empower yourself
Deal with
• Physical abuse
• Social exclusion
• Verbal bullying
• Sexual, racial, gender harassment
• Electronic abuse
20
All sorts of difficult people • Critical
• Argumentative
• Sarcastic
• Dogmatic
• Aggressive
• Conflicting
• Physically abusive
• Socially exclusive
• Passive aggressive
• Verbal bullying
• Electronic harassment
21
Dealing with difficult people
• Identify the situation
• Be friendly, respectful, use assertive body language
• Identify the difficulties
• Express your thoughts and feelings
• Investigate their perception
• Show understanding of their perspective
• Find common ground
• Discuss options
• Process their feedback
• Negotiate, resolve or move on
22
Gentle blockers
• Set limits- “ When I have done XYZ, I'll help you.”
• Clarify- “I need feedback, have I erred?"
• Broken record- “Please answer my question.”
• " I wouldn't say she's a bitch but others may differ."
• Baffle- “I didn’t realize that I should've done blah blah, I must have
misinterpreted you instructions.”
23
Tough blockers • Confront criticism- “Where is your evidence?”
• Polite- “Is undue criticism a motivation technique?”
• Joke- ‘Congratulations Julie, ha ha ha, you've qualified for bitch of the
year award.”
• Cheeky- “How can I stop you pushing me?”
• Be assertive- “I find this really offensive”
• Be truthful- “I am offended by your remarks and would like an
apology”
24
powerhand excercisepowerhand excercise exerciseexercise
Don’t give your power away
Look for the dumbstruck look
25
Secret 6.Build your support network
Build a support network
Be a friendly, caring person
Belong to small and large tribes, at work and outside.
Get help from colleagues at work
Have a bunch of 4-5 close colleagues
Forget having one best friend - when you need them they’ve gone
to Darwin!
Create your own village
26
Respect and resilience at work
• Create a friendly, caring place to work
• Give everyone positive encouragement
• Help all staff grow professionally
• Involve all staff in decision making, eg regular meetings
• Communication- listen, empathize, collaborate
• Encourage work-life balance
• Collaborate and resolve differences together.
ThankyoThankyouu
ThankyoThankyouu
Evelyn M. Field FAPS
Phone: 03 9523 0300
Email:[email protected]
www.bullying.com.au