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How to write a paper (2):
Language
Kyushu University
Warren Raye, PhD
Senior Life Sciences Editor
Edanz Group Japan
21 January 2012
Language
Edanz Group Japan | 2
� Most journals are very clear regarding their
English requirements
Brain Structure & Function
Language: Manuscripts will be checked by our
copyeditors for spelling and formal style. Clear
and concise language will help editors and
reviewers concentrate on the scientific content
of your paper and thus smooth the peer review
process.
英語の質英語の質英語の質英語の質
査読なしでリジェクトする査読なしでリジェクトする査読なしでリジェクトする査読なしでリジェクトする
� Passive voice 受動態受動態受動態受動態
� Cause/reason comes first 原因原因原因原因・理由が最初・理由が最初・理由が最初・理由が最初
� Followed by the conclusion 結論結論結論結論が後に続くが後に続くが後に続くが後に続く
� Ki-sho-ten-ketsu 起承転結起承転結起承転結起承転結
� 採用率を高める科学英語の書き方:日本人の論文に特
徴的な問題点とは. 2011. International Nursing
Review, Supplement 151, 34(3), 94−102
Edanz Group Japan | 3
Japanese scientific writing style日本語科学論文スタイル日本語科学論文スタイル日本語科学論文スタイル日本語科学論文スタイル
� Active voice能動態能動態能動態能動態
� The conclusion is stated first結論を最初に記述結論を最初に記述結論を最初に記述結論を最初に記述
� Reasoning or explanation comes after the
conclusion理由や説明が結論の後に来る理由や説明が結論の後に来る理由や説明が結論の後に来る理由や説明が結論の後に来る
Beginning →→→→ middle →→→→ end
Edanz Group Japan | 4
English scientific writing style
英語科学論文スタイル英語科学論文スタイル英語科学論文スタイル英語科学論文スタイル
� Information is easier to
interpret and more uniform
when placed where most
readers expect to find it
� Good writers are aware of
these expectations
� Readability
Reader Expectations
Edanz Group Japan | 5
Subject
Verb
� Readers expect verbs to closely follow subjects
Verb placement
Edanz Group Japan | 6
Sentence
.
Subject and verb far apart = poor readability
Subject
Verb
syntactic resolution
� Readers can be confused if subject and verb are
separated by too much content
Avoid reader confusion
Edanz Group Japan | 7
The smallest of the URF's (URFA6L), a 207-nucleotide (nt) reading frame overlapping out ofphase the [NH2]-terminal portion of theadenosinetriphosphatase (ATPase) subunit 6 gene,has been identified as the animal equivalent of therecently discovered yeast H-ATPase subunit 8 gene.
Avoid reader confusion
Edanz Group Japan | 8
The smallest of the URF's is URFA6L, a 207-nucleotide (nt) reading frameoverlapping out of phase the [NH2]-terminal portion of theadenosinetriphosphatase (ATPase) subunit 6 gene; it has been identified as theanimal equivalent of the recently discovered yeast H-ATPase subunit 8 gene.
The smallest of the URF's (URFA6L) has been identifiedas the animal equivalent of the recently discovered yeastH-ATPase subunit 8 gene; URFA6L is a 207-nucleotide (nt)reading frame overlapping out of phase the [NH2]-terminal portion of the adenosinetriphosphatase (ATPase)subunit 6 gene.
We identified the smallest of the URF's (URFA6L) as theanimal equivalent of the recently discovered yeast H-ATPase subunit 8 gene. URFA6L is a … .
Which voice? Active vs. passive
Edanz Group Japan | 9
� Use the active voice unless your target
journal states otherwise
Blood samples were collected from 256 patients.
We collected blood from 256 patients.
Active voice
Edanz Group Japan | 10
� Sentences written in the active voice are:
SIMPLE
DIRECT
CLEAR
EASY TO READ
Subject
Verb
Active
Stress position
Edanz Group Japan | 11
� Readers focus on information at the end of a
sentence.
.“Save the best until last”
take-home information
SubjectVerb
Stress position
Edanz Group Japan | 12
The dog sat when her mistress offered a treat.
The dog sat when a treat was offered by her
mistress.
When the mistress offered her a treat, the dog sat.
� Readers, without thinking, concentrate on the
end of a sentence.
Topic position
Edanz Group Japan | 13
Topic position
.Stress position
SubjectVerb
� Readers expect a sentence/phrase to be a story
about whoever shows up first
Topic position
Edanz Group Japan | 14
� Linkage and context
The family went into the courtyard to see the new
puppy. The dog sat when her owner offered a treat.
Everyone was so excited they broke into applause.
However, as the courtyard was situated right next
to my bedroom, the sound woke me from my sleep.
idea ideaideaidea
Topic link
sentence
� Indicates to the reader the main idea of
a paragraph
� Provides the writer with a focus
� Should be the first sentence of a
paragraph
� Then discuss/explain the topic
� Summarize with a concluding sentence
Topic sentences Easier to read
Edanz Group Japan | 15
Beginning →→→→ Middle →→→→ End
トピックセンテンストピックセンテンストピックセンテンストピックセンテンス
Topic sentences Example
Edanz Group Japan | 16
IN HIS STUDIES OF THE CONDITIONED REFLEX,
PAVLOV WORKED ALMOST ENTIRELY WITH DOGS
AND WITH THE SALIVARY REFLEX. Implicit in all of his
work is the notion that everything the dog learns from
puppyhood on is a result of the association of certain
events (which happen to occur at the same time) with the
biologically adequate stimulus to some native response
such as withdrawing, struggling, eating, sex behavior, or the
like. What the dog can learn…
Henry Garrett, “Great Experiments in Psychology”
Readability
Edanz Group Japan | 17
“only 4% of readers understand a 27-word sentence
first time”
� Reader objectives
� Only need to read once
� Do not have to read slowly
� Can understand author logic immediately
可読性可読性可読性可読性
Sentence length Keep it short & simple
Edanz Group Japan | 18
� We examined numerous peer-reviewed journals
� Easy to read articles had an average sentence
length of around 17 words
� Sentences that are 15−20 words
� Long sentences and repetition
One sentence: one idea
1文1文1文1文にににには1つのアイデアは1つのアイデアは1つのアイデアは1つのアイデア
1文は短く簡潔に1文は短く簡潔に1文は短く簡潔に1文は短く簡潔に
Goals to aim for …
Edanz Group Japan | 19
� Maximum 25–30 words per sentence
� Not more than four 30-word sentences in the
whole manuscript
� Use punctuation to your advantage
� periods (.) and commas (,)
� Think about ‘reader expectation’ and match the
expectation with the contents
Reader expectation Example
Edanz Group Japan | 20
� Match the expectation with the contents
All samples were collected at the same time (10 AM)
every day to prevent any effects of circadian variation
and then stored after treatment at 5°C until assayed.
2?
1
All samples were collected at the same time (10 AM) every
day to prevent any effects of circadian variation.
They were then stored after treatment at 5°C until assayed.
� Simple language IS best
� Makes YOUR science more relevant
� Minimizes confusion – maximizes understanding
� Science is often complex
� Use simple language to help more people
understand your work
Simple is best
Edanz Group Japan | 21
簡潔に書くことが大事簡潔に書くことが大事簡潔に書くことが大事簡潔に書くことが大事
PREFERRED AVOID
more additional
enough adequate
clear apparent
try attempt
show demonstrate
try endeavor
very exceedingly
Simple words Examples
Edanz Group Japan | 22
簡潔な単語簡潔な単語簡潔な単語簡潔な単語
Edanz Group Japan | 23
� In order to…
Unnecessary words Write simply
In order to determine the fractalkine expression in the aorta of
ApoE −/− mice and the effect of high-dose aspirin intervention on
fractalkine expression and atherosclerotic lesion formation, we
studied …
To determine the fractalkine expression in the aorta of ApoE −/−
mice and the effect of high-dose aspirin intervention on
fractalkine expression and atherosclerotic lesion formation, we
studied …
簡潔に書く簡潔に書く簡潔に書く簡潔に書く
Edanz Group Japan | 24
AVOID
For the reason that
In the first place
In the not too distant future
Four in number
Green color
Subsequent to
Prior to
Except in a very few instances
Unnecessary words Further examples
PREFERRED
Because
First
Soon
Four
Green
After
Before
Usually
Edanz Group Japan | 25
� Frequently made in the Results section
� Compare “like” with “like”
� Avoid ambiguity
� Use with, NOT to
The tumor excised from the pancreas was compared with the
liver.
The tumor excised from the pancreas was compared with
that from the liver.
Common mistakes Comparisons
Edanz Group Japan | 26
� Relative terms, such as more, higher and greater,
require a reference for comparison
� Use than or compared with
Reactions with the new thermal cycler were faster
than those with the old cycler.
Reactions with the new thermal cycler were faster.
Faster than what?
Avoiding ambiguity Comparisons
Possible resources
Edanz Group Japan | 27
� Books
� Style Manuals
� Writing courses
� BUT … not always practical
Online resources
Edanz Group Japan | 28
� Paradigm Online Writing Assistant
http://www.powa.org/
� Springer Exemplar
http://www.springerexemplar.com/
� Google Scholar
http://scholar.google.com/
� Purdue Online Writing Lab
http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/
Edanz Group Japan | 29
“If you can’t explain something simply,
you don’t understand it well.”
– Albert Einstein
� Write to express NOT impress
� Consider your audience – their native language
may not be English
“Plain language … means clear and effective communication”
– Joe Kimble
Help your readers understand
Resources and links
Edanz Group Japan | 30
http://edanzediting.co.jp/kyushu201201
�This presentation
�Templates
�Guidelines
参考資料参考資料参考資料参考資料
Any questions?
Edanz Group Japan | 31
Appendix Simple words
Edanz Group Japan | 32
Prefer Avoid
size magnitude
aim objective
take part participate
done performed
asked requested
lives resides
keep retain
簡潔な単語簡潔な単語簡潔な単語簡潔な単語
Edanz Group Japan | 33
Prefer Avoid
later subsequently
enough sufficient
end terminate
use utilization
Appendix Simple words
簡潔な単語簡潔な単語簡潔な単語簡潔な単語
Language Hyphens
Edanz Group Japan | 34
�Hyphen (-): for joining usually separate words
�Incorrect use can lead to ambiguity
twenty-four hour reactions
twenty four-hour reactions
is different to
Language Dashes
Edanz Group Japan | 35
En dash (–): means “through”
October 26–29; pp. 2–5. (don’t use ~)
Em dash (—): Used to break a sentence, introduce
something, or introduce an afterthought.
These two metals—that is, titanium and magnesium—
are very light.
Language Asian fonts
Edanz Group Japan | 36
� Beware of Asian fonts, such as MS Mincho and
SimSum
� DO NOT use Asian fonts in your manuscripts
Why not?
Because they look like this on some computers:
□ or ?
、、、、,;(),;(),;(),;()××××%<<<< >>>>℃℃℃℃
アジアフォントアジアフォントアジアフォントアジアフォント
� Spell out the numbers one through nine and use
numerals for 10 and greater, except:�Units of measurement
2 mL, 4 min
�Beginning a sentence
Two patients with…
�Reporting a series including numerals
We enrolled 5 patients with AD, 12 with PD and 20 control
individuals.
�Reporting numbers consecutively
five 2-mL tubes
�Reporting a range including a number greater than nine
5–12
Edanz Group Japan | 37
Numbers in the text General rules
数字に関するルール数字に関するルール数字に関するルール数字に関するルール
Edanz Group Japan | 38
� Always use a space between numbers and units
10 mL not 10mL
� No space is needed before %
56%
� The word “of” should be used to describe
amounts
6 mg of caffeine was …
� The word “of” is not needed for concentrations
rats were administered 6 mg/mL caffeine
Numbers in the text General rules
数字に関するルール数字に関するルール数字に関するルール数字に関するルール
Comparisons
Edanz Group Japan | 39
Expression levels of p53 in smokers were compared with
non-smokers
Expression levels of p53 in smokers were compared with p53
levels in non-smokers
Expression levels of p53 in smokers were compared with
those in non-smokers
Comparisons Between & among
Edanz Group Japan | 40
� Use between for comparisons of two groups
� Use among for comparisons of more than two
groups
… significant differences were observed in the H values
among bio-, fully- and semi-synthetic molecules
… the only difference between the original molecule and
the new molecule is ...
“Between” とととと “among”
Edanz Group Japan | 41
� Respectively is often misused by non-native
English speakers.
� Use respectively only if your sentence would
be unclear without it.
� Use to refer to two corresponding lists, but
not more
Respectively“Respectively”は必要時のみ使用するは必要時のみ使用するは必要時のみ使用するは必要時のみ使用する
Edanz Group Japan | 42
Oxygen detector flow Nitrogen detector flow Hydrogen detector flow
85 mL/min 7 mL/min 4 mL/min
Oxygen, nitrogen and hydrogen detector flows were set
at 85, 7 and 4 mL/min, respectively.
The oxygen detector flow was set at 85 mL/min; the
nitrogen detector flow was set at 7 mL/min; and, the
hydrogen detector flow was set at 4 mL/min. 28 words
15 words
Respectively Example
Language Colons & semi-colons
Edanz Group Japan | 43
� Colons (:) are used to introduce a list or a clause
that explains what precedes it
� Semicolons (;) are used to separate the items in
a list too long for commas or where commas
could be ambiguous.
� Use ‘and’ before the last item in the list.
There are a number of journals for surgery manuscripts:
General Surgery, published by Springer; the World
Journal of Emergency Surgery, published by BioMed
Central; and the British Journal of Surgery, produced by
Wiley & Sons.
コロンとセミコロンコロンとセミコロンコロンとセミコロンコロンとセミコロン
Language UK or US spelling
Edanz Group Japan | 44
Be consistent 一貫させる一貫させる一貫させる一貫させる
� Check the journal’s Guide for Authors
� Generally, American journals require US spelling and
British journals require British spelling, but many accept
either form as long as the spelling used is consistent
fibre or fiber
centre or center
labelling or labeling
colour or color
Exceptions: Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare; your references
UK英語か英語か英語か英語かUS英語か?英語か?英語か?英語か?
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